\u201cYu arrre th besssfren EVAH!\u201d slurred a drunken Irmalii to Arsha as they sat at the bar, The Traversing Tail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI said I\u2019d TRY to get you the console, I didn\u2019t say I will,\u201d replied Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYu WILL ge me th conso,\u201d continued Irmalii, \u201cbecause yu arrre th besssfren evah hoo ge me th besssGIIF\u2019s evah!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIrmalii, I got you a Dr. Snood<\/em> comic last year,\u201d reminded Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAn it wasss a GOOD comic!\u201d praised Irmalii. \u201cAn, in my lin o work, I take wha I cn get! Now! Why arrre yu nah drinkin\u2019 owcohall? Id isss my BIRFDY tomarro and wir sssupposed t\u2019 b\u2019 shelebrading!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWould that I could,\u201d sighed Arsha, \u201cbut there ARE a few things I need to take of on the Endeavor<\/em> and I CAN\u2019T be hung over for them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhy do yu wanna be a part o Realmflee?\u201d slurred Irmalii. \u201cYu wanna know wha Realmflee does? Nuthin! Just cleaning up messes tha normal law enforssmen can\u2019t bee bothurd to clean up! Lik th time I had to sav the Midreal from a bad Dr. Snood<\/em> ebisod! Did I ever tell you about th ebisod I wrote fir Dr. Snood<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes, and it was one of my favorite episodes,\u201d replied Arsha. \u201cYou also mentioned that I don\u2019t need to get you anything after getting the Mid-Splitters off your tail.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThaay back\u2019d off because I saved th Midreal from an Ancient Stone Giant!\u201d argued Irmalii. \u201cMe! Beecaus I\u2019m AWESHOM!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou are ALSO incredibly drunk,\u201d reminded Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI AM drunk!\u201d agreed Irmalii. \u201cTha\u2019s because I am AWESHOM and YUU!\u201d She pushed her glass into Arsha\u2019s nose and kept pointing at Arsha for a bit. \u201c…Are the besssfren EVAH hoo ge me th besssGIIF\u2019s evah!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOkay, Birthday Girl,\u201d declared Arsha, \u201cI\u2019m taking you home.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYu arrre NOT…takin me hom!\u201d argued Irmalii as she poked Arsha\u2019s chest, then promptly giggled. \u201cWron boobie!\u201d she laughed. \u201cYu arrre gonna drink wif me…and wir gonna watch bad Dr. Snood<\/em> ebisods together. Screw Realmflee!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIrmalii, you\u2019re drunk off your tail,\u201d insisted Arsha. \u201cI\u2019m taking you home, back to your wives.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNononononononononono!\u201d countered Irmalii. \u201cI…will take YU hom…because I,\u201d more pointing, \u201c…don need a ship to cass a tellypoor spell!\u201d She cast the teleport spell and took both her and Arsha to the cottage she and her wives had taken up residence in for the festival. Qwendo was in the kitchen as they arrived. Arsha looked around and was amazed Irmalii could concentrate on the location for the teleport spell to work. It\u2019s not an easy spell to cast when drunk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat happened to all that whiskey you took a swim in?!\u201d yelped Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s all right,\u201d assured Qwendo as she oozed over to the wobbly Irmalii. \u201cThey know her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThey do?\u201d quizzed Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m havin a winner cottage built heer,\u201d slurred Irmalii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019ll put her to bed,\u201d Qwendo declared to Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOkay, just tell me her condition when she wakes up,\u201d directed Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGot it,\u201d confirmed Qwendo. As her azure form supported Irmalii, Qwendo guided her Blender wife to bed while Arsha teleported to the cottage she and her spouses were living in for the festival. Irmalii tried to get Qwendo to sleep with her, but Qwendo refused, knowing her wife was in a drunken form of heat. After much convincing, Irmalii fell asleep while Qwendo found her other wives and merged with them so their hive mind could understand what\u2019s going on. Soon, their combined, blue, blobby form filled a tub so they could sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Arsha arrived at her cottage to find Malnar wrapped in both Lardeth and Falnii\u2019s clouds, all of them sleeping on the couch. \u201cSleep well,\u201d she whispered. She then headed to the room to find Foresna and Gorfanth in bed. She then headed into the closet and changed into a nightie, leaving it after she finished changing and putting her hairpiece on the vanity. She crawled into bed, causing both Minotaur and human to stir. \u201cRoom for one more?\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAlways,\u201d replied Gorfanth as he lifted the sheets. Arsha snuggled between the two.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGood night,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGood night,\u201d Foresna bid as they drifted off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When morning broke, the rays of the sun crept over the bed. Arsha slowly opened her eyes as she stroked Foresna\u2019s cheek. A pleasing hum escaped Foresna as he opened his eyes. Arsha then turned and stroked Gorfanth\u2019s ear. Another pleasing hum and both boys were awake. \u201cGood morning, Hooves and Farm Boy,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGood morning, Foxy,\u201d returned Gorfanth softly. A knock then came from outside. Arsha sat up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes?\u201d she called.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGood morning, you three,\u201d called Lardeth\u2019s voice. \u201cBreakfast will be ready soon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOn our way!\u201d replied Arsha. The three got out of bed and got their clothes on, Gorfanth with his tunic and family pauldron, Foresna with his tunic and pants, and Arsha with her dress and hairpiece. When they finished, Lardeth had already set the table as Malnar and Falnii were plating up the food. \u201cBy the Ones, that smells good!\u201d sighed Arsha as she took a whiff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cScrambled eggs with a bit of a kick,\u201d replied Malnar, \u201cand bacon and toast. Nothing fancy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cStill delicious when a master such as yourself prepares it,\u201d praised Gorfanth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cFlatterer,\u201d teased Malnar. They sat down and tucked in for breakfast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThis is delicious!\u201d praised Arsha. As they ate, a question popped into Falnii\u2019s head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSo, what activities will be available?\u201d she asked in her usual quiet tone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI think Nazay mentioned something about a camel race,\u201d mused Arsha. \u201cA lot of people bet on those races.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSounds like a Centaur Race,\u201d muttered Lardeth, not the biggest fan of races.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThis one\u2019s interesting,\u201d replied Arsha. \u201cApparently people bet on Drenii most often. She\u2019s a crowd favorite.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c…I beg your pardon?\u201d quizzed Lardeth, voicing the question on everyone\u2019s minds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPeople make the same bets as her?\u201d inquired Gorfanth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo, people bet on her to win,\u201d corrected Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c…You\u2019re pulling my tail!\u201d argued Gorfanth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cArsha, are you saying,\u201d yelped Foresna, \u201cthat an elderly Naga races camels and people bet on her to win?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat\u2019s what Nazay and Merrim said,\u201d confirmed Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cShe\u2019s gotta be in her 45,000\u2019s by now!\u201d protested Malnar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c45,933, according to Drenii herself,\u201d answered Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cStill old age!\u201d yelped Lardeth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cShe\u2019s always been an adrenaline junkie,\u201d continued Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c…Are we sure this isn\u2019t some gag?!\u201d rumbled Gorfanth. Just then, Arsha\u2019s communicator beeped. The caller had left a message saying they wanted to meet Arsha at the Traversing Tail after she finished breakfast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWho was it?\u201d asked Falnii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIrmalii,\u201d replied Arsha. \u201cToday\u2019s her birthday and I don\u2019t why she\u2019s back there again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Irmalii was sitting at the bar, staring at the drink in front of her with her head in her hand. The bartender washed a glass as he saw the scene. \u201cI\u2019d ask if you wanted me to leave the bottle,\u201d he remarked, \u201cbut I don\u2019t think you touched your drink yet.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI like to stare at it,\u201d replied Irmalii. \u201cMakes me think about things before taking alcohol.\u201d She then looked at the bartender. \u201cAnyone ever tell you that you look like a Naga version of the 17th<\/sup> Dr. Snood?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLoads of times,\u201d answered the bartender. \u201cAnyone ever tell you that you look like Elmpam?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c…Elmpam\u2019s fur is white,\u201d reminded Irmalii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOf course, it is,\u201d replied the bartender with a tone of disbelief. He wandered to another section behind the bar while Arsha found her and sat next to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAll right, Irmalii, I have some time,\u201d she began. \u201cWould you care to explain why you pulled me away from the always certain paperwork that a royal must complete for Realmfleet before I join my family for the camel race?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou know, your generation wasn\u2019t the only one with royals serving in Realmfleet,\u201d remarked Irmalii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo, but we ARE the latest in keeping laziness OUT of Realmfleet,\u201d countered Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYeah, by cleaning up messes that normal law enforcement can\u2019t be bothered with,\u201d snarked Irmalii, \u201cnothing lazy there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCaptain Ralmamp , I KNOW you didn\u2019t pull me back up here,\u201d sighed Arsha, \u201cjust to criticize Realmfleet. Now, what\u2019s up?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c…It\u2019s my birthday today, you know,\u201d recalled Irmalii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c…Yes, it is,\u201d answered Arsha, unsure about where the conversation was going. \u201cWe were here last night to celebrate that fact. Did you get a hangover that made you forget? Wait, no, you\u2019re just mad that I couldn\u2019t get you the console.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt wouldn\u2019t be that hard for you to get a mock-up of the console of Dr. Snood\u2019s horseless carriage and you know it,\u201d replied Irmalii, \u201cbut that\u2019s not it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThen what is it?!\u201d sighed Arsha as she removed her hairpiece, hedging her bets on being irritated in the near future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c…Arsha, why do you want to be a Realmfleet captain?\u201d inquired Irmalii. \u201cI mean, outside of your duty as a royal.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI guess,\u201d mused Arsha, \u201cbecause I\u2019m an adventurer like anyone else, even with all that happened in this year alone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCould you be a bit more specific?\u201d quizzed Irmalii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe Mid-realm has a sense of discovery and offered that to the other Realms,\u201d explained Arsha. \u201cI believe, as a royal, it\u2019s my personal duty to encourage adventures in someone\u2019s life. Yes, not everyone is adventurous, but even they need some excitement. Look, what are we doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat am I<\/em> doing here?!\u201d barked Irmalii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c…Are you drunk again?!\u201d snapped Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo, no, I\u2019m not,\u201d assured Irmalii, \u201cit\u2019s just…I\u2019ve been thinking a lot lately about my life. You know, what I\u2019ve seen, what I\u2019ve done, and it\u2019s…I don\u2019t know, there\u2019s something nagging in the back of my head. Maybe I\u2019m just realizing how NOT normal my change in social status is. For crying out loud, going from a peasant nanny to Captain of the Fricking Royal Guard is a big leap!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHow did you manage that?\u201d teased Arsha. Irmalii gave her a look. \u201cI know, I was a big influence.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cArsha, what am I doing with my life?\u201d asked Irmalii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m…really not sure as I understand,\u201d replied Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat do I have going for me that makes me want to see my next birthday?\u201d elaborated Irmalii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell, you have a lot of people who\u2019d be sad if you left,\u201d answered Arsha. \u201cMy family and I included, since you did so much for us.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNot that I don\u2019t appreciate you and your family recognizing my service to you,\u201d countered Irmalii, \u201cbut one can\u2019t JUST live for other people. That\u2019s not living. You have to have something for YOU. That\u2019s the question on my mind, selfish sounding though it may be. What have I got going for myself?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI can name a few things,\u201d mused Arsha. \u201cDr. Snood<\/em>, Change-a-tron<\/em>, Soul Light<\/em>, heck, ANY of your games. I can\u2019t begin to count how many game nights we\u2019ve had. You have a good life, family, friends, things that you enjoy, all that stuff. You may think your life isn\u2019t so normal but, in all honesty, life is about dealing with hardships. I\u2019ve had to deal with those a few times this year. In all honesty, I think life\u2019s worth living for its own sake.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSometimes, I agree,\u201d sighed Irmalii, \u201cother times…I don\u2019t know. Maybe I called you out here for no reason. Maybe it\u2019s nothing and I\u2019m having my mid-life crisis early. I just…I\u2019ve been thinking about my life and myself and…\u201d she floundered a bit, \u201cI don\u2019t know what I want anymore. I\u2019ve been thinking of leaving the Royal Guard because I feel like I\u2019m being distanced from my family.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell, that IS a legitimate concern,\u201d replied Arsha, \u201cbut you ARE appreciated. Even my superiors in Realmfleet are grateful for your work.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYour superiors want that crystal ball Pwolmo has that can look in on everything and everyone,\u201d grumbled Irmalii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes, but they\u2019d rather you and your spouses have it than someone else,\u201d assured Arsha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSure,\u201d muttered Irmalii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou ARE a moody doggy today,\u201d mused Arsha as she put her hairpiece back on. \u201cHey, would Dr. Snood\u2019s console cheer you up?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c…Yeah, maybe,\u201d mumbled Irmalii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019ll see what I can do,\u201d replied Arsha as she got up and headed to the door. \u201cHey, maybe you should watch Drenii\u2019s race with your wives.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHey, if one of the racers trip and it leads to rediscovering a tomb,\u201d called Irmalii as Arsha went through the door, \u201cI call dibs!\u201d When Arsha was out of sight, she turned to see a different bartender with a crazed look. \u201c…What happened to the other guy?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOther guy?!\u201d wheezed the new bartender. \u201cThere WAS no other guy! You\u2019ve been drinking all day, you\u2019re seeing things! One minute, you\u2019re talking and no one is there and,\u201d his rambling went into gibberish for a bit before finishing with \u201c\u2018Whhhhyyyy?\u2019 and I\u2019ll tell you something, at the end of the day, who cares, lady, who cares?! You haven\u2019t paid your bill yet, and that\u2019s all I care about, so,\u201d more gibberish before he grabbed a bottle, \u201chere, make yourself useful! Tell me what you think! My own whisky!\u201d The whisky was served in an oil lamp and had a distinctive urine color to it. Irmalii was NOT feeling that brave, so she just left 50 golds on the counter and quickly left the bar. \u201c…You\u2019re not better than me!!\u201d shouted the bartender.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cYu arrre th besssfren EVAH!\u201d slurred a drunken Irmalii to Arsha as they sat at the bar, The Traversing Tail. \u201cI said I\u2019d TRY to get you the console, I didn\u2019t say I will,\u201d replied Arsha. \u201cYu WILL ge me th conso,\u201d continued Irmalii, \u201cbecause yu arrre th besssfren evah hoo ge me th besssGIIF\u2019s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1917,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[97,94],"tags":[482],"class_list":["post-2050","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-three-realms","category-the-three-realms-book-1-her-highness-the-captain","tag-fantasy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2050","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2050"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2050\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2051,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2050\/revisions\/2051"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1917"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2050"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2050"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2050"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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