\u201cTake off your hat,\u201d said the priest. Curlandii used her right hand to hold it. \u201cNow raise your right hand.\u201d She put the hat back on and raised her hand. \u201cNow put your left hand here.\u201d He pointed to the Codex. Curlandii then moved her cane into her right hand as she put her left onto the book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTake off your hat,\u201d said Lardeth. Curlandii put her cane back in her left hand and used her right to take her hat off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRaise your right hand,\u201d repeated the priest. She put the hat back on and raised her hand. \u201cNow put your left hand here.\u201d He pointed to the Codex. Curlandii then moved her cane into her right hand as she put her left onto the book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPlease, take off your hat,\u201d commanded Lardeth. Curlandii put her cane back in her left hand and used her right to take her hat off. The priest was losing patience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRaise your right hand!\u201d he growled. Curlandii grunted in frustration as she put her hat back on and raised her hand. \u201cNow put your left hand here!\u201d She changed the cane\u2019s position again!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWill you please take off your hat?!\u201d This time, Lardeth was losing patience. Curlandii took her hat off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRaise your right hand!\u201d snarled the priest. Curlandii put the hat back on. \u201cNow put your left hand here!\u201d She changed the cane\u2019s position again. At that moment, Lardeth had enough!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTAKE OFF YOUR HAT!\u201d Curlandii decided to solve the problem by putting the hat onto the cane\u2019s handle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRaise your right hand!\u201d growled the priest. She raised the cane. The priest grabbed the hat. \u201cWILL YOU GET RID OF THAT HAT?!\u201d he shouted. Curlandii put the hat on the priest\u2019s head, hung the cane on Lardeth\u2019s arm, and put both of her hands on the Codex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRaise YOUR right hand!\u201d she said. The priest raised his hand, then realized what he was doing before he lowered his hand and took the hat off. He decided to hold both it and the Codex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRaise your right hand!\u201d he snarled. She did so. \u201cDoyousolemnlysweartotellthetruththewholetruthandnothingbutthetruth?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2026Huh?\u201d asked Curlandii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDOYOUSOLEMNLYSWEARTOTELLTHETRUTHTHEWHOLETRUTHANDNOTHINGBUTTHETRUTH?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAre you trying to give me the double talk?\u201d The priest tried to hold his tongue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDoyousolemnlysweartotellthetruththewholetruthandnothingbutthetruth?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy don\u2019t you answer him?!\u201d snapped Lardeth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019s talking Boar-Fae!\u201d replied Curlandii. \u201cI don\u2019t know what he\u2019s saying!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019s asking you if you swear-!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, but I know all the words!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2026He\u2019s asking you if you promise to tell the truth!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTruth is stranger than fiction, Kingy-wingy!\u201d Curlandii then waved at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2026Kindly address us as Your Majesty and take the oath!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDoyousolemnlysweartotellthetruththewholetruthandnothingbutthetruth?\u201d asked the priest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCertainly! What have I got to lose?\u201d replied Curlandii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTake the stand,\u201d said Lardeth. Curlandii picked the chair up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhere do I put it?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, no! Take the stand!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI got it, now what do I do with it?\u201d The priest took the chair out of her hands and put it back onto the floor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSIT DOWN!\u201d he said. Curlandii sat down, but she sat in a way that made her fall to the floor. Moru and Larima rushed to help her up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter with you?!\u201d snapped Moru. \u201cYou\u2019re in the Royal Court, not in Clandii\u2019s Pool Room!\u201d She then bonked Curlandii on the head. \u201cSit down!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m a victim of circumstance!\u201d argued Curlandii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSit down!\u201d said Larima as she smacked Curlandii\u2019s head<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWho are you hitting?\u201d snarled Moru as she poked Larima\u2019s eyes. She then smacked Curlandii\u2019s cheek before she and Larima returned to the bench.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cProceed with the case,\u201d ordered Lardeth as Curlandii put her bowler back on. Bujamiso then approached her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWere you in the Flights of Fancy caf\u00e9 on the night of Jamfaf the forty-second?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCertainly!\u201d confirmed Curlandii. As the questioning continued, Moru and Larima drew out a tic-tac-toe board on the bench.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid you, at that time, see the defendant, Sho Girla, in any way, shape, or form, commit or try to commit bodily harm to the deceased Milnaf Wilmurna?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI object, Your Majesty!\u201d called the prosecutor. \u201cThe defense is trying to lead the witness!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cObjection sustained,\u201d replied Lardeth. As Bujamiso continued his questioning, the prosecutor sat on the tic-tac-toe game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMrs. Hanorfal, did you see Ms. Sho Girla in physical fight with Milnaf Wilmurna?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf it pleases Your Grace,\u201d interjected the prosecutor as she stood up, revealing the tic-tac-toe game on her rear end, \u201cmay I suggest that the defense allow the witness to testify as to what she saw.\u201d Moru and Larima tried to end the game, but the prosecutor felt their hands and turned to see them. Moru and Larima tried to act like nothing happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI say, Jasna,\u201d said Moru, \u201cwhat comes after 75?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c76,\u201d replied Larima.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the spirit!\u201d agreed Moru.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRequest granted,\u201d said Lardeth. \u201cProceed with the testimony.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMrs. Hanorfal,\u201d said Bujamiso, \u201ckindly tell the Royal Court what you saw about the murder of Milnaf Wilmurna.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, it was like this, Mr. Royal-\u201d began Curlandii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAddress the King as Your Majesty!\u201d hissed Bujamiso.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, it was like this, My Majesty-\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYOUR Majesty, not My Majesty!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy, don\u2019t you like him?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAllow the witness to proceed,\u201d said Lardeth. \u201cWe understand her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThanks, Ol\u2019 Kingaroo! You\u2019re a pal!\u201d After that, she gave her testimony. \u201cWell, me and my gals, we\u2019re musicians. We were tearing up some hot swing music in the orchestra. Sho over there was swinging her clouds. Her sweetie, Milnaf, was inhaling a bottle of hooch at a table,\u201d she took her hat off, \u201cand a hoofer by the name of Dingbat was getting ready to shake his tootsies.\u201d With the amount of old Second Age slang in that sentence, everyone was left confused. The jury couldn\u2019t make heads or tails of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cKindly speak Realm Standard and drop the vernacular,\u201d sighed Bujamiso. Curlandii looked at her hat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cVernacular? That\u2019s a derby!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDrop the vernacular.\u201d She dropped the hat. \u201cNo, no, not that! Talk so the jury can understand!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIs everybody dumb?! Say, Kingy, if you let me and my pals kinda act it out for you, we\u2019ll show you just what happened!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf the Prosecution and Defense have no objections,\u201d said Lardeth, \u201cWe think that\u2019s a splendid idea.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo objections,\u201d said the prosecutor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo objections,\u201d agreed Bujamiso.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo objections,\u201d chuckled Curlandii. She then joined her friends on the other end of the throne room as Sho Girla changed her clouds so that everything below her knees and her stomach were exposed. She then formed a cloud boa. Moru put a harmonica in her mouth and blew a note. Larima took up her violin and ran the bow along the strings. Curlandii took up a pair of spoons. Moru then stomped her foot to set the beat, then they played their music as Sho Girla danced and stretched the cloud ball along her body in a teasing manner, giving flirty winks to everyone all the while. Soon, the Maidens stood up and Curlandii exchanged her spoons for a cello and attempted to run her bow across the strings, but it got caught on the strings. She released it and it flew across the room and into the priest\u2019s mouth. She then spun the cello around before she just plucked the strings. Larima continued playing, getting lost in the music and, unbeknownst to her and the priest, used her bow to steal the poor man\u2019s toupee. The toupee then touched her shoulder, and she got a look at it. Her eyes then widened in terror.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA TARANTULA!\u201d she cried. She swung her bow around, trying to get the toupee off. Moru managed to slap it off, then Curlandii found a hammer and swung it at the toupee. She also managed to smash Moru\u2019s foot. After she hopped around to stop the pain, Moru smacked Curlandii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter with you?!\u201d she asked. The bailiff then approached the three and Moru swiped his wand from its holster. She fired five magic blasts and the priest realized what she was shooting at! \u201cI killed it!\u201d she announced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStand back!\u201d warned Larima as she used her bow to pick the remains up. \u201cIt\u2019s liable to bite you!\u201d Moru then realized what it really was and took it off the bow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTarantula? Shot five holes in the divot!\u201d She smacked Larima away. \u201cGet out of here! Wasted five good sparks-!\u201d The priest then took the ruined toupee out of her hands and put it back on his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ll sue you for this!\u201d he threatened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh, superstitious, eh?\u201d replied Moru.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cVice-eyed kid, huh?\u201d agreed Curlandii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLadies, you must control your killing instincts,\u201d warned Lardeth. \u201cProceed with the testimony, please.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cProceed!\u201d Moru ordered Curlandii before bonking her with her baton. She then blew into the harmonica and Curlandii plucked the cello\u2019s strings. The two then finished their music as Sho Girla finished her dance routine. She then bowed before reforming her clouds into a slightly more conservative formation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat was sure hot, Moru!\u201d said Curlandii as she slapped Moru\u2019s back. Moru then swallowed the harmonica in surprise and coughed, making musical notes escape her. \u201cHey, Larima, listen!\u201d called Curlandii. Once Larima joined them, Curlandii pressed an area on Moru\u2019s tummy and made music come out. Larima tried and got the same results. They then played her like an old organ before she tried to cough the harmonica up. Curlandii gave her a swift kick and the harmonica came out. \u201cYou got it!\u201d cheered Curlandii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPlease omit the rest of the entertainment and continue,\u201d ordered Lardeth.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cTake off your hat,\u201d said the priest. Curlandii used her right hand to hold it. \u201cNow raise your right hand.\u201d She put the hat back on and raised her hand. \u201cNow put your left hand here.\u201d He pointed to the Codex. Curlandii then moved her cane into her right hand as she put her left […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5261,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[97,239],"tags":[482],"class_list":["post-5449","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-three-realms","category-the-three-realms-book-6-the-eternal-age-of-unity","tag-fantasy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5449","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5449"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5449\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5450,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5449\/revisions\/5450"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5261"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5449"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5449"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5449"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}