{"id":6511,"date":"2022-12-28T18:10:13","date_gmt":"2022-12-28T23:10:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/?p=6511"},"modified":"2022-12-28T18:10:13","modified_gmt":"2022-12-28T23:10:13","slug":"act-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/act-i\/","title":{"rendered":"Act I"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cCaptain\u2019s Log: Stardate 4002.05. Captain McIntyre has just revealed the identity of the three Ensigns coming onboard the <em>Enterprise<\/em>. Native to Moronica, they\u2019re not the brightest bulbs, to put it politely.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cCaptain McIntyre,\u201d snarled McCoy, \u201cwhat are you trying to pull here?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cDoctor, there is no logic in verbally sparring with her,\u201d advised Spock. \u201cShe is simply following orders.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cAnd I agree that they\u2019re foolish orders,\u201d said McIntyre, \u201cbut Starfleet didn\u2019t give me much choice. Kirk, you must understand that I don\u2019t want them on ANY Federation vessel, but they\u2019re only Ensigns because they had been in the Senior Class at Starfleet Academy for too many years. As such, any Captain and crewmen that have been given those three are ordered to keep their identities secret and disclose them to no one on the condition that those three try hard and devote their lives to Starfleet.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWith all due respect, those three can\u2019t stay on task to save their lives,\u201d replied Kirk. \u201cThere must be other Ensigns.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cOther Ensigns, yes, but no ships capable of handling those three. Regretfully, not even my own.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cDammit, Jim, this is a Starfleet vessel, not a vaudeville theater!\u201d hissed McCoy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWe have to give them a chance, Doctor,\u201d said Kirk. \u201cFor now, we\u2019ll obey Starfleet. \u2026McIntyre, are you due to talk to Starfleet, per chance?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cAs a matter of fact, I\u2019m heading back to Starfleet Headquarters,\u201d replied McIntyre. \u201cWhy, do you have a suggestion?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cIs there a\u2026\u2019strategic area\u2019 they could be overseeing?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cKirk, you and I are of the same mind. I already made the recommendation and Admiral Williams is looking into it. He\u2019ll want timely reports on their progress, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cOh, absolutely.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cIn the meantime, though, I must return to my ship. Good luck with them, Captain.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWe\u2019ll need all the luck we can get,\u201d muttered McCoy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cFarewell, McIntyre. And, again, congratulations on your new command.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThank you, Kirk.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As McIntyre returned to her ship, Moe, Larry, and Curly were busy painting the walls. Curly was singing a strange tune. \u201cOh, sell me a home! Where the cows often roam! And the swamps and the clouds play!\u201d He then looked to Moe. \u201cYou know, I\u2019m getting sick of Starfleet!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cIt was YOUR bright idea to join in the first place, Egghead!\u201d snapped Moe. He then impersonated Curly\u2019s voice. \u201c\u2018Join Starfleet and see the galaxy! No more painting! Beautiful girls on every planet! Woo woo!\u2019 I got a good mind to bust your skull!\u201d He then felt a paintbrush go across the back of his head. He turned around and Larry, thanks to not paying attention, painted Moe\u2019s face. \u201cWhy you!\u201d Moe grabbed Larry\u2019s shirt. \u201cDoes my head look like a wall to you?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI don\u2019t know, I haven\u2019t seen your head lately,\u201d replied Larry. Moe slapped his cheek.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cGet away from here!\u201d Just then, Curly accidentally painted Moe\u2019s head. He turned to Curly. \u201cHEY!\u201d he said. Curly stopped to listen to Moe. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you look where you\u2019re painting?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI\u2019m painting where I\u2019m looking!\u201d Curly then stuck out his tongue, then Moe painted it. Curly gagged, then barked at Moe. Moe then threw the paint bucket at Curly. Curly ducked and it spilled all over Nurse Chapel! Chapel cried out in disgust and got their attention. \u201cLook what you did!\u201d Moe blamed Curly. They then rushed up to her with rags. \u201cWe\u2019re very sorry, toots!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWe\u2019ll get you cleaned up before you can say \u2018Ticonderoga\u2019!\u201d promised Larry as they began wiping her off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cIf you can say \u2018Ticonderoga\u2019,\u201d added Curly. The three men continued wiping, then Moe noticed something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cHey, wait a minute!\u201d he yelped. The rags still had paint on them, so the mess on Chapel was only getting worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cYOU IDIOTS! GET OUT OF HERE!\u201d shrieked Chapel. She grabbed the paint bucket, ready to throw it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cBoys, I think we did this wall already!\u201d gulped Moe. \u201cRUN!\u201d The three men ran from Chapel and into a sector of Main Engineering. They then sat down to catch their breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cBoy, that was a narrow escape,\u201d sighed Larry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201c\u2026Hey, don\u2019t we have an assignment here?\u201d asked Curly. An Andorian woman overheard that and prayed to her gods that they didn\u2019t!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cHey, yeah! We do!\u201d replied Moe. He looked up the assignment. \u201cWe gotta look into the flow regulator to see what\u2019s jamming it up!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThen what are we waiting for?\u201d asked Larry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cNothing, Porcupine. Get the tools.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201c\u2026What tools?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThe tools we\u2019ve been using for the last ten years!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cOh, THOSE tools!\u201d Larry got out a toolkit and Curly found a handle on the wall. He read the sign. It said \u201cFlow Regulator Access\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cHey, fellas! I found it!\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cGood work, kid! Open her up!\u201d called Moe as he and Larry checked the tools. Curly pulled on the handle, but the door didn\u2019t budge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cHm!\u201d Curly yanked again, but it didn\u2019t move. \u201cStubborn, eh?!\u201d He barked at the door, then yanked it off. \u201cHow do you like that? Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!\u201d He tossed the door away and it landed on Larry\u2019s head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cOW!\u201d yelped Larry. Moe steadied him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cTake it easy, kid! It was a great fight!\u201d said Moe. After that, Moe and Larry joined Curly. He held out his hand for a tool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cPenacanatay!\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cPenacanatay!\u201d replied Larry as he handed him the tool. Curly tapped the tool to the regulator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cLabeesuk!\u201d Curly held out his hand to Larry again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cLabeesuk!\u201d Larry gave Curly another tool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cPakoowaybus!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cPakooweybus!\u201d Moe then saw the tool in Curly\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cHey, wait a minute!\u201d he yelped as he pointed to the tool. Curly got a look at it, then glared at Larry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI said PakooWAYbus!\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cYou trying to blow the ship up?!\u201d asked Moe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cSorry! PakooWAYbus!\u201d Larry handed Curly a different tool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThere we go!\u201d Curly then touched the tool to the Flow Regulator, then power went through the tool and into his body. Moe and Larry tried to pull him away, then power surged through them!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Back on the bridge, Uhura\u2019s console went crazy. \u201cWhat in the-?!\u201d Spock heard her and saw what was going on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cLieutenant, I would advise you to back away,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cDon\u2019t need to tell me twice!\u201d Uhura got away from the console. In fact, everyone on the bridge gave that console a wide berth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Back in Main Engineering, Moe and Larry got Curly away from the Flow Regulator. It finally stopped sparking as the three recovered. \u201c\u2026Pakoowaybus don\u2019t work very good,\u201d muttered Moe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWHAT\u2019S GOING ON HERE, YOU BLOODY IDIOTS?!\u201d shouted Scotty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cIt\u2019s okay, Mr. Scott!\u201d gulped Moe. \u201cWe was just fixing the Flow Regulator and-!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWith a bloody laser spanner?! Are ye trying to blow the poor ship up?! Get out! Get out!! GET OUT!!!\u201d The three men fled Main Engineering. Scotty ran his hands down his face, then saw the Andorian woman fixing the three\u2019s \u201cfix\u201d and the initial problem. \u201cGood work, Lass,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThank you, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cCaptain\u2019s Log: Stardate 4002.05. Captain McIntyre has just revealed the identity of the three Ensigns coming onboard the Enterprise. Native to Moronica, they\u2019re not the brightest bulbs, to put it politely.\u201d \u201cCaptain McIntyre,\u201d snarled McCoy, \u201cwhat are you trying to pull here?!\u201d \u201cDoctor, there is no logic in verbally sparring with her,\u201d advised Spock. \u201cShe [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6509,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[905],"tags":[555,906,553,908,552,911,907,171,185,909],"class_list":["post-6511","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-taste-of-stupidity","tag-curly","tag-kirk","tag-larry","tag-mccoy","tag-moe","tag-scotty","tag-spock","tag-star-trek","tag-three-stooges","tag-uhura"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6511","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6511"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6511\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6512,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6511\/revisions\/6512"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6509"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6511"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6511"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6511"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}