{"id":6515,"date":"2022-12-28T18:43:29","date_gmt":"2022-12-28T23:43:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/?p=6515"},"modified":"2022-12-28T18:43:29","modified_gmt":"2022-12-28T23:43:29","slug":"act-iii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/act-iii\/","title":{"rendered":"Act III"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cCaptain\u2019s Log: Stardate 4063.4. A woman aboard the Enterprise<\/em> has just revealed herself to be the infamous Ka\u2019Liegh, a ruthless Klingon and Captain of the starship, Ma\u2019kugh<\/em>. She has taken the three Ensigns as her hostages, and it is clear she is seeking revenge for her brother after the Organian Peace Treaty.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCaptain Ka\u2019Liegh,\u201d urged Kirk, \u201cthere\u2019s no need for rash actions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI assure you, this whole thing was premeditated over the years,\u201d replied Ka\u2019Liegh. \u201cThere is no rashness here. I was going to sabotage the weapons and shields of your ship myself, but these three were so stupid that they did the work FOR me! Even the self-destruct is gone!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJust a minute, we didn\u2019t do anything like that!\u201d snarled Moe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh please, you three don\u2019t know a wrench from a laser pointer!\u201d snarled Ka\u2019Liegh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHey! I resemble that remark!\u201d snapped Curly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cQuit squawking!\u201d said Larry as he smacked Curly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWho\u2019re you hitting?!\u201d hissed Moe as he poked Larry\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s enough!\u201d snarled Ka\u2019Liegh. She returned her attention to Kirk. \u201cNow, since your ship has no means of defending itself or dying in a glorious fireball, I would advise you to surrender when Uhura detects my ship in three\u2026two\u2026one\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCaptain Kirk! Captain Kirk!\u201d called Uhura. \u201cSensors detected a Klingon Battleship off the starboard bow!\u201d Kirk glared at the smirking Klingon woman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2026Stand down,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2026Sir?\u201d asked Uhura.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAll hands, stand down,\u201d repeated Kirk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI knew you\u2019d see reason,\u201d purred Ka\u2019Liegh. \u201cOn behalf of the I.K.S. Ma\u2019kugh<\/em>, I welcome you to an extended stay within the Klingon Empire!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Klingon boarding parties rounded up the Enterprise<\/em> crew and placed guards on them. Kirk and his usual bridge crew were placed in the Ma\u2019kugh<\/em>\u2019s brig and spent several days there as the Ma\u2019kugh<\/em> towed the Enterprise<\/em> into Klingon territory. \u201cI never thought I\u2019d see the day,\u201d muttered Chekov, \u201cwhen I would be stuck in a Klingon\u2019s brig.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNone of us thought we\u2019d see the day, Chekov,\u201d replied Sulu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe Captain, I can understand, but why us?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTo install their own bridge crew would be the logical assessment, Mr. Chekov,\u201d replied Spock.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat about those three men?\u201d asked Uhura.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf I might speak freely,\u201d said Nurse Chapel, \u201cif all our hopes rest on them, we\u2019re doomed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Moe, Larry, and Curly were still on the Enterprise<\/em>, hiding in Sick Bay. \u201cWe gotta free the Captain somehow!\u201d said Moe. \u201cWe\u2019re in a tough spot!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah, it\u2019s gonna take brains to get out of this,\u201d replied Larry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s why I said we\u2019re in a tough spot!\u201d snarled Moe. That was when a Klingon man stepped in. His beard looked patchy, so he grabbed a follicle stimulator and rubbed it on the patchy spots to make the hair on his chin grow into a full beard. He then sculpted it into the usual goatee style and left. \u201cBy golly, I got it!\u201d said Moe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou better have it, or we\u2019re gonna get it!\u201d said Curly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cQuiet!\u201d hissed Moe. He then took the follicle stimulator. \u201cHere, start rubbing this on you! We\u2019re gonna get ourselves some Klingon uniforms!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh! Sneaking onto the-!\u201d realized Curly. Moe then clapped his hand over his friend\u2019s mouth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNot so loud, you nitwit! Here!\u201d He handed the follicle stimulator to Curly. \u201cGet busy!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Once the three grew their beards, they hid in the corridors. A Klingon passed by. Moe bonked the Klingon on the head. The Klingon blinked. \u201cWhat in\u2026?\u201d That was when he passed out from the blow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis guy\u2019s clothes should fit me!\u201d said Moe as he started hauling the Klingon away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat about us?\u201d asked Curly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGo get your own!\u201d Moe took his Klingon to a secret area.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, a hoarder, huh?!\u201d said Larry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell, hoarders is hoarders!\u201d chuckled Curly. They hid themselves in compartments in the walls as two Klingons their size passed by.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd what did the Captain say?\u201d asked the larger one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cShe said that I honored my house with how quickly I moved in helping capture this crate!\u201d replied the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPraise well deserved!\u201d laughed the larger one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI think I\u2019ll see what Kirk\u2019s-!\u201d Larry then kicked the smaller one in the rear. The smaller one thought it was his friend. \u201cWhat did you kick me for?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2026I didn\u2019t kick you,\u201d replied the larger one. The Klingons were then both kicked by Larry and Curly, then turned on each other. \u201cDISHONORABLE ROGUE! KICKING ME FROM BEHIND!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI DIDN\u2019T KICK YOU! YOU KICKED ME!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLIAR!\u201d The two Klingons then grappled, then Larry and Curly bonked them on their heads and knocked them out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Once the three Klingons were shoved somewhere else, Moe, Larry, and Curly stepped out in their Klingon disguises. A Klingon officer then stopped them. \u201cYou three are just what I need,\u201d he said. \u201cWe need new watchmen for the prisoners. Return to the ship and report to the brig.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s where Jimmy is!\u201d realized Moe. The three then turned to the Klingon and saluted. \u201cWe\u2019re on our way, Chief!\u201d They then dashed to the transporter room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2026Klingons excited for guard duty?\u201d he muttered. \u201c\u2026Well, it IS Kirk.\u201d He then returned to his duties.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

The three were transported to the Klingon vessel and soon found their way to the brig. Kirk goggled when he saw them. \u201c\u2026Doctor, those men ARE human, yes?\u201d McCoy was allowed to keep his tricorder, so he took a scan of them when they approached the cells.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThey\u2019re human, all right,\u201d replied McCoy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCaptain, it\u2019s great to see you again!\u201d said Moe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat is the meaning of this?\u201d asked Spock.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cRescuing you, of course!\u201d replied Larry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou three?\u201d asked Kirk in disbelief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s all right, we got something in case WE can\u2019t bust you guys out,\u201d said Curly. He presented a tool case.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLaddies, you\u2019re the most considerate men I\u2019ve met!\u201d praised Scotty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou three find a way to get us out,\u201d said Kirk. \u201cWe\u2019ll wait here and plot a backup plan.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAye, aye, Sir!\u201d replied Larry and Curly as they saluted, hitting Moe in the process. Moe grabbed the tool case from Curly and handed it to Scotty. They then headed out and bumped into the Klingon Petty Officer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo!\u201d he snarled. \u201cIdle do-nothings! Just for that, you\u2019ll get no breakfast until your job is finished!\u201d He shoved a pole-like device to Curly. \u201cYou three clean Torpedo Tube 3! I\u2019ll inspect it after breakfast!\u201d Curly then held it like a rifle and turned, whacking Moe, Larry, and the Petty Officer in the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCOME ON!\u201d snarled Moe as he and Larry dragged Curly along. They then arrived at the Torpedo Tube. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, kid, we\u2019ll smuggle some grub for you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh boy!\u201d cheered Curly. \u201cMake it roast turkey and dumplings! And cranberry sauce! And smother the whole thing in gravy! But no beans!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2026Of course, Commodore,\u201d replied Moe. He then smacked Curly. \u201cGet away!\u201d He and Larry then headed to the mess hall as Curly grunted in protest. His mood then changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI don\u2019t care! I get to eat!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

An hour later, Moe came back. \u201cI brought you some food,\u201d he said to Curly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, goodie! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!\u201d He then saw that the food was a plate of purple beans with pink polka dots on them. \u201cAw, this is Klingon beans! Listen you!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cQuiet! That\u2019s all the beardies have.\u201d Larry then arrived.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI brought you some breakfast!\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s what I call a pal!\u201d Curly said to Moe. \u201cRoast turkey, stuffed breasts, oh I love it!\u201d No, it wasn\u2019t. It was a repeat of Moe\u2019s food! \u201cNyaaAA! Beans! That\u2019s all I get is beans! BEANS!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHere comes the Petty Officer!\u201d warned Moe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDitch the beans!\u201d hissed Moe. They shoved the beans into the Torpedo Tube, then got busy cleaning the exterior wall. The Petty Officer arrived.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIs that tube cleaned?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI should think so,\u201d replied Moe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ll look.\u201d The Petty Officer then looked inside. \u201cTHIS TUBE IS FILTHY, I TELL YOU! WHERE DID YOU LEARN HOW TO CLEAN?! SWAB IT OUT!\u201d The three busied themselves, but the tube didn\u2019t get any cleaner. \u201cCOME ON! WHEN I ASK FOR SERVICE, GIVE IT TO ME!\u201d The three humans shrugged and cleaned in a fashion that flung beans onto the Petty Officer. \u201cHEY!\u201d he shouted. The men stopped. \u201cFOR THIS, I\u2019LL HAVE YOU THROWN INTO THE WARP COILS!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPETTY OFFICER KARET!\u201d shouted a voice. It was Ka\u2019Liegh\u2019s First Officer. \u201cSo, that\u2019s the game! Wasting precious beans from the Captain\u2019s home! I hope she didn\u2019t see you!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cB-But Sir-!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo excuses! I\u2019ll discipline you when you get yourself cleaned!\u201d As they argued, Curly used the pole device to clean the Torpedo Tube. He didn\u2019t notice that the pole hit Moe. First it hit his cheek. Then it hit his eye, then the other eye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHey, you!\u201d said Moe. \u201cCut-!\u201d The pole ended up being shoved into his mouth. Moe took the pole out then swung in a way that flung the beans onto the First Officer. He turned on the Petty Officer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCOWARD! NOT GIVING ME THE DECENCY TO SHOW ME WHO MY AGRESSOR IS! I\u2019LL HAVE YOUR THROAT CUT! I\u2019LL HAVE YOU VAPORIZED! TO THE CAPTAIN WITH YOU!\u201d He hauled the Petty Officer to the Captain\u2019s Quarters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Back with the Enterprise<\/em> crew, Scotty was still fiddling with his cell\u2019s mechanics. \u201cCome on!\u201d he urged himself. \u201cJust one more\u2026\u201d The force field around his door then vanished. \u201cGot it!\u201d He soon set to work freeing his friends. It took less time to free them now that he knew how Klingons wired their brigs. Soon, the entire crew was free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGood work, Scotty!\u201d said Kirk. \u201cNow we just need to get our phasers.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou mean these phasers?\u201d asked Uhura as she pulled one out of a storage compartment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGood eye, Uhura!\u201d chuckled McCoy. The phasers were soon passed around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell, ladies and gentlemen,\u201d said Kirk, \u201call that\u2019s left is to get those three and get to the transporter room.\u201d The crew wasn\u2019t exactly thrilled at picking up Moe, Larry, and Curly. \u201cLook, they\u2019re Federation citizens and we can\u2019t leave them to the Klingons. I know they\u2019re not\u2026intellectually sound, but they still don\u2019t deserve to be prisoners of the Klingon Empire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Over in Ka\u2019Liegh\u2019s ready room, the Petty Officer finally got a chance to explain himself. \u201cCaptain, I tell you now, I didn\u2019t do it! It was those three new men!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNew men, my foot!\u201d scoffed Ka\u2019Liegh. \u201cWe didn\u2019t get any new men!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut they must be new men! One was fat and bald! One had a bowl haircut! One had an exposed scalp and a mess of curly orange hair on the back of his head!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2026Describe those men again.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cCaptain\u2019s Log: Stardate 4063.4. A woman aboard the Enterprise has just revealed herself to be the infamous Ka\u2019Liegh, a ruthless Klingon and Captain of the starship, Ma\u2019kugh. She has taken the three Ensigns as her hostages, and it is clear she is seeking revenge for her brother after the Organian Peace Treaty.\u201d \u201cCaptain Ka\u2019Liegh,\u201d urged […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6509,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[905],"tags":[910,555,906,553,908,552,911,907,171,185,909],"class_list":["post-6515","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-taste-of-stupidity","tag-chekov","tag-curly","tag-kirk","tag-larry","tag-mccoy","tag-moe","tag-scotty","tag-spock","tag-star-trek","tag-three-stooges","tag-uhura"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6515","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6515"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6515\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6516,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6515\/revisions\/6516"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6509"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6515"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6515"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6515"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}