\u201cThere is NO way that\u2019s a healthy weight for Irkens!\u201d shuddered Amy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI can\u2019t claim to be the greatest authority on Irken physiognomy,\u201d replied the Doctor, \u201cbut that\u2019s just obese from what I could glean of their species.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThis Irken doesn\u2019t look like much of a threat,\u201d remarked Lurra Rus. \u201cUnless he took some cues from the Hutts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019s drooling, though,\u201d observed Dib. \u201cIs he in a coma?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt looks like it,\u201d observed the Doctor. \u201c\u2026Gross though this is, I need to examine his PAK.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not gonna climb all over him, are you?\u201d asked Dib.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot the most pleasant of prospects, but necessary,\u201d shuddered the Doctor. She then climbed up the 800-pound Irken all the way to a grey metal backpack with pink circular panels. She pointed her sonic screwdriver at it and the biggest panel slid open to reveal a status screen. \u201cAll right, let\u2019s see if I can access the mnemonic archive.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe what?\u201d asked Amy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIrken PAKs serve as a secondary brain, life support, and multitool,\u201d explained the Doctor. \u201cThey\u2019re cybernetically grafted onto an Irken\u2019s spine when they\u2019re hatched. Mnemonic archives hold all the Irken\u2019s memories.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd you\u2019re trying to access it,\u201d realized Lurra Rus, \u201cto figure out why he\u2019s so big and in a coma.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cExactly,\u201d confirmed the Doctor. The status screen then changed. \u201cAHA! Here we are! \u2026Okay, so he started as an Invader, accidentally invaded his homeworld of Irk, was reassigned to be a fast food drone on Foodcourtia, then\u2026hang on, he ended his banishment himself? That\u2019s the action of a defective, not an Invader. \u2026Let\u2019s see\u2026oh my word. A Florpus hole?! And\u2026oh my!\u201d The Doctor switched the status screen off. \u201c\u2026He\u2019s killed the Twin Tallest? \u2026Then the Irken Empire is leaderless! \u2026No wonder!\u201d The Doctor jumped down from the massive Irken. \u201cDib, did he really move Earth like that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYeah, using my dad\u2019s Membracelets!\u201d replied Dib. The Doctor then approached Amy and Lurra Rus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA Florpus Hole,\u201d she said, \u201cis an artificial black hole that feasts on alternate timelines and realities. This Irken used the Membracelets to teleport Earth into the path of the Irken Armada during their flight path that formed the backbone of Operation Impending Doom II. The Irken here had one last call with his leaders, the Almighty Tallest, when they were puppets trapped in a dimension of fire after the Earth was restored to its proper place. Now, it seems, he realized he\u2019s killed those he worshipped with such zealous fanaticism. Hence the food coma and obesity.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2026Guilt!\u201d realized Dib. \u201cHe\u2019s wracked with guilt! No wonder he\u2019s been so quiet!\u201d Dib turned on the obese Irken. \u201cSo, your desire to please your leaders ended up with you killing them! Doesn\u2019t rest well with your Squeedlyspooch, does it, Zim?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDib, there\u2019s no reason to hang that over his head!\u201d snapped the Doctor. \u201cEven he deserves compa\u2026wait, what did you say his name was?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat, Zim?\u201d asked Dib. \u201cYeah, that\u2019s his name.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2026What year is this again?\u201d asked the Doctor, worry furrowing her brow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cErm, 2025, why?\u201d quizzed Dib.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2026Oh dear,\u201d muttered the Doctor. \u201cI need to check on the Irken Empire. Dib, have you entered the base proper?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cY-Yeah, it\u2019s underground,\u201d replied Dib. \u201cThrough the toilet in the kitchen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2026In the kit-?\u201d The Doctor looked into the kitchen and, yes, there was a toilet in there on the far wall with a poster above it that said, \u201cI eat food!\u201d The Doctor blinked. \u201c\u2026Right then.\u201d Dib showed the Doctor how the toilet was actually an elevator. The group then entered the lower levels. Unbeknownst to them, the security protocols were displaying the footage onto the TV Zim was currently opposite of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The base proper consisted of the twisting, wire-laden technology that was a staple of the Irken Empire. The Doctor went to the main console and started fiddling with it. \u201cDoctor, what are you doing?\u201d asked Amy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cChecking on a nasty theory,\u201d replied the Doctor. \u201cI\u2019ll explain as it happens if it\u2019s true. Aha, here we are! A direct line to Irk, the Irken homeworld!\u201d She keyed in a command to call Irk. \u201cIrken Base on Earth calling Irken Homeworld, requesting communication with the Control Brains, over.\u201d An Irken then appeared on screen. This one had purple eyes, a cybernetic implant above her left eye, and curled antennae (the signature antennae of a female Irken). Dib gasped in horror.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTAK!\u201d he yelped. \u201cBut\u2026but why the growth spurt?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAh, Dib, the human!\u201d purred the Irken woman. She WAS taller than the average Irken. \u201cA bit of reconstitution.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2026I\u2019m\u2026flattered you remember me,\u201d remarked Dib.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ve heard of you,\u201d muttered the Doctor. \u201cTallest Tak, the Terror of the Irken Empire. But I was trying to contact the Control Brains.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWho are you and how do you know about the Control Brains?\u201d demanded Tak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m the Doctor, a Time Lord from the planet of Gallifrey in the Constellation of Kasterborous.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA Time Lord! I thought the Daleks rendered you extinct! No matter!\u201d Tak smiled a wicked smile. \u201cTell me, are you aware of what happened to my predecessors?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI found out through his mnemonic archive that Zim opened a Florpus Hole and the Tallest were sent there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGood. I can make the explanation shorter,\u201d said Tak. \u201cThe sudden loss of our people\u2019s figureheads caused the Control Brains to go into meltdown. Now they\u2019re only useful for keeping the species going, not making decisions. As such, the Tallest have complete authority over the Empire, as they should!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo you took advantage of your growth spurt and became the new Tallest,\u201d summed up the Doctor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe ALMIGHTY Tallest, thank you, Doctor!\u201d corrected Tak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Back in the living room, Zim watched the conversation go on. \u201cTak, I appreciate that you\u2019re in a delicate position,\u201d said the Doctor, \u201cbut Zim\u2019s not dead. He\u2019s simply in a coma and-!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen he\u2019s still on Earth?\u201d asked Tak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes, but-!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen he is no threat to me! My predecessors\u2019 decision about that defective\u2019s exile stands!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTak, you don\u2019t know the danger he\u2019ll bring if-!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSILENCE!\u201d shouted Tak. \u201cDoctor, I will not obey the mad ramblings of the Last Time Lord! This discussion is at an end!\u201d Tak switched the call off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStupid woman!\u201d snapped the Doctor. \u201cIf we don\u2019t deal with Zim, then the greatest tragedy within the Irken Empire will take place!\u201d As the Doctor ranted, Zim\u2026snarled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2026Computer\u2026!\u201d he weakly said. \u201cBegin\u2026cellular\u2026reconstitution!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes, Master!\u201d replied a voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGreatest tragedy?\u201d asked Dib.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m afraid we\u2019re taking part in historical events,\u201d muttered the Doctor. \u201cThe Irken Civil War will begin if Zim leaves.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDoctor, what do you mean \u2018Civil War\u2019?\u201d asked Lurra Rus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWithout the Control Brains, the Irkens will devolve into factionalism and fight to recognize either Tak or Zim as the one true Almighty Tallest,\u201d explained the Doctor. \u201cDib, I need you to monitor Zim! Tell me everything he does! He needs to remain in that coma!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDoctor, if it\u2019s a historical event-!\u201d argued Amy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not supposed to happen until 2030!\u201d replied the Doctor. \u201cIf he starts it now, there will be a temporal paradox to clean up!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI better head back up, then,\u201d declared Dib. \u201cMaybe I can trick GIR into helping out!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the spirit! Off you go!\u201d Dib returned to the elevator and went back up. The Doctor then started working the console.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d asked Lurra Rus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m trying to add a subliminal message to Zim\u2019s PAK,\u201d explained the Doctor. \u201cI need to tell him that he shouldn\u2019t start claiming his Empire until 2030 as that\u2019s when Earth will be at its weakest.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWill it?\u201d asked Lurra Rus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, no,\u201d replied the Doctor. \u201cBut Zim won\u2019t think about returning to his \u2018secret mission\u2019 until he\u2019s secured himself as the Almighty Tallest.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dib returned to the kitchen and headed to the living room just in time to see the floor open beneath Zim! The couch Zim was using dropped down\u2026then Zim got stuck! \u201cOh no!\u201d gulped Dib. Zim heard him and moved his head as best he could.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo, your Time Lord friend knows my future!\u201d cackled the Irken. \u201cIt makes sense! The Tallest before me had sent me here\u2026because they knew how much of a threat I was to their power! My genius would make the Irken Empire more powerful than ever before! I would create greater ships, even one more powerful than the Massive<\/em>! I SHALL BE THE GREATEST TALLEST IN ALL THE EMPIRE!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNone of that was predicted by the Doctor!\u201d argued Dib. \u201cAnd, right now, you\u2019re the fattest!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat will change! GIR! MINIMOOSE! ASSIST ME!\u201d GIR and a small, purple plush moose arrived and tried to shove Zim down!<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOH NO, YOU DON\u2019T!\u201d declared Dib as he leapt at Zim. Minimoose intercepted Dib and knocked him into a wall, then GIR brought out a comically large hammer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWAIT! GIR!\u201d protested Zim. Too late. GIR smashed the hammer down on Zim and managed to get him into the chute beneath him!<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCellular reconstruction will begin upon arrival,\u201d droned the computer. \u201cEstimated arrival time, 40 minutes. Estimated reconstruction time, 2 hours.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cThere is NO way that\u2019s a healthy weight for Irkens!\u201d shuddered Amy. \u201cI can\u2019t claim to be the greatest authority on Irken physiognomy,\u201d replied the Doctor, \u201cbut that\u2019s just obese from what I could glean of their species.\u201d \u201cThis Irken doesn\u2019t look like much of a threat,\u201d remarked Lurra Rus. \u201cUnless he took some cues […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6809,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[959,1070],"tags":[515,35,963,962,1071],"class_list":["post-7571","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-doctor-who-crossings","category-series-4","tag-amy-rose","tag-doctor-who","tag-fan-companion","tag-fan-doctor","tag-invader-zim"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7571","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7571"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7571\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7573,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7571\/revisions\/7573"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6809"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7571"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7571"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7571"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}