“…A brand new spell?!” you asked. \u201cH-How?! All you did was talk about it!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know! This is my first time seeing it too!\u201d yelped Dalboz. You then got an idea. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHang on!\u201d you said as you dashed into Dalboz\u2019s bedroom and faced the time tunnel. You then held up the lantern Dalboz was stuck in. \u201cAll right! Yas-!\u201d The lantern then flashed. \u201cHEY!\u201d you protested as you shielded your eyes. Your vision came back soon and you fixed Dalboz with a look. \u201cCome on, Don\u2019t you want-?!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot me!\u201d insisted Dalboz. \u201cYou\u2019re the adventurer, I\u2019m the lamp! I do the side kick thing, make a few wisecracks, standard stuff. Whatever goes through there goes without me!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, where is our friend gonna find another spirit?\u201d asked Grif. …You then looked at the Totem Grif was inhabiting. \u201c…What are you looking at me for?!\u201d You then picked up the totem and held it in front of you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNow Yastard isn\u2019t permanent,\u201d Dalboz warned. \u201cYou\u2019ll be pulled back through the Time Tunnel and back into the Totem once you\u2019ve done something to help us. Just do a little recon over there.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou dare…uh…order the Great Dragon of…of the Empire…as if he were a mere lizard!\u201d Grif was trying to be commanding, but like with the Inquisition Guard, it wasn\u2019t very effective. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cJust tell us where you are and see if you can send anything to help us,\u201d you said. \u201cSee you soon! Yastard!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYastard!\u201d replied the choir. The Totem tumbled through the Time Tunnel and broke apart. Then all you saw was the familiar swirling vortex.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Grif groaned as he picked himself up. \u201c…I\u2019m starting to hate adventurers.\u201d He then saw a white house in front of him! The house had boarded up doors and windows. \u201cHey! That\u2019s the White House, isn\u2019t it?!\u201d he said to himself. \u201cWow! Before it was condemned.\u201d He then tried to pull the boards off the door. …Somehow, he couldn\u2019t. \u201cSorry, pal,\u201d he said to you far off into the future. \u201cI can fly, I can complain, I can breathe fire…okay, maybe I can\u2019t breathe fire, but I sure as Hades can\u2019t pull these boards off either!\u201d He checked around the house and saw a spell scroll for Glorf. \u201cThat might be useful,\u201d he said. \u201cBut how to get it to the adventurer?\u201d He took the scroll and checked around, then saw a mailbox with an envelope in it. \u201c…Okay, ordinarily, with all due respect, I\u2019m afraid that my hyper neurotic tendencies sort of mandate a strict adherence to state and federal law. …But, seeing as I don\u2019t have much choice…\u201d He pulled the envelope out of the box…and saw that it was empty. The address it was supposed to go to was 666 Hades Proper and that, according to them, you CAN take it with you. \u201cHuh…well, things DO tend to stay there for a while,\u201d he muttered. He put the spell into the envelope and sealed it, then put the envelope into the box. He then felt a pull and was about to go when… \u201cOops! I almost forgot!\u201d He put the flag up and then let himself get pulled back to the future. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Grif ended up back in the Totem with you and Dalboz waking up. \u201cHow did it go?\u201d you asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, we\u2019re gonna have to go to Hades to get the Glorf spell,\u201d replied Grif. \u201cI found it by the Historic White House before it was condemned.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe White House?\u201d you asked. \u201cThat\u2019s where the Skull of Yoruk was last seen! Maybe the Grues are still there with it! Did you go in it?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWasn\u2019t strong enough to unboard the door,\u201d answered Grif. \u201cWe might need someone stronger.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, if we\u2019re going to get that Glorf scroll,\u201d decided Dalboz, \u201cwe need to go to Hades.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLovely,\u201d you muttered, not wanting to, but not seeing any choice. You used the teleportation station, selected Hades, then removed the map and returned to Hades. You saw a rotary telephone on a stalagmite near a dock. Dalboz then made a ringtone noise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a direct line to the Commissioner!\u201d he joked. You then picked up the phone. A voice then came over the line. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThank you for calling the Hades Shuttle Service Courtesy Phone,\u201d it said. \u201cSince the dawn of time, your choice for crossing over into the afterlife. \u201cTo skip a message at any time, press 4. This service has recently undergone a retrofitting to ensure full ease of abuse, customer dissatisfaction, and user-unfriendliness while inefficiently bringing you, the recently deceased, to your final destination. Before crossing, you\u2019ll need to answer a few simple questions using the touch tone pad. Press 1 for the list of questions. To press 3, please press 7. To hear these options again, call back and listen to them again. To press 4, hit the pound key. To return to the main menu, you\u2019re already there. Press 8 to press 1. To wait on hold, stay on the line. To press 6, press 2. For a list of numbers, count to 10. To press 7, press 5. To hear the answers, press 6. To press 0, press the star key. To hear these options backwards, press 9. To press the star key, press 0. Press 3 if you really want to. For all other inquiries, please blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOkay, no!\u201d you said aloud. \u201cKendall!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cKendall!\u201d replied the choir. The phone lady came back with simpler instructions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPress the star key for \u2018What IS all this?! I just want to call the damn shuttle! Is that so much to ask?!\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStar key, huh?\u201d you said. You pressed the Star Key. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou have correctly answered all the questions!\u201d cheered the phone lady. \u201cCongratulations! A shuttle will be along shortly to transport you to Hades where you will languidly spend the rest of eternity! Have a hell of a day!\u201d You hung up just as a skeleton rowing a boat to the dock arrived! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCharon,\u201d explained Dalboz. \u201cThe oarsman of the River Styx. Phew! I don\u2019t know how he manages to generate a stink, but he most certainly does!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf that\u2019s Charon, then I need to pay him,\u201d you said as you pulled out a Zorkmid. He then took his little hat off and writing appeared on the top. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFlat rate: 2 Zorkmids,\u201d it said. \u201cCredit: 1 Zorkmid.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh, yeah. One for each eye,\u201d you recalled. You gave him another Zorkmid and Charon let you board the shuttle. You were rowed to the other bank and got off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYour sword\u2019s blowing glue!\u201d yelped Grif. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c…Huh?\u201d you asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLet me try,\u201d said Dalboz. \u201cYour sword\u2019s glowing blue!\u201d You checked your sword to see that it WAS glowing blue! You looked ahead to see a two headed monster blocking your path to something. You then saw a PO box with 666 on it. \u201c666, very cute,\u201d said Dalboz. You took the letter out of the box. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHey! That\u2019s the one I mailed!\u201d cheered Grif. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, we have a letter opener,\u201d you said. You took out the letter opener and used it on the envelope, taking out the Glorf scroll. Glorf then Gnustoed itself into the Deep magic section of your spell book. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!\u201d cheered Dalboz. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c…That door seems important somehow,\u201d you muttered. \u201cI wonder…crap. Needs a timecard. Better find it.\u201d You then saw where the timecards were kept…right behind the two headed monster. Its necks were different thicknesses, one thick and one thin. \u201cErm, excuse me, sir, um, gentlemen…\u201d you began. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLet\u2019s cut the crap, ok?\u201d asked the head on the thick neck. \u201cYou got this far, you know the drill! You\u2019re the adventurer, I\u2019m your basic-!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWE\u2019RE your basic two-headed guardian of Hades type creature,\u201d interrupted the head on the thin neck. “You\u2019re looking for treasure, mana, crystals, red pages, blue pages, whatever.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s all the same, really,\u201d said the head on the thick neck. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe point is,\u201d continued the head on the thin neck, \u201cyou wanna get by.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey always do.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd WE gotta kill ya!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe always do!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThere\u2019s a little banter, a little slaying, chop-chop-chop, yadda-yadda-yadda, and then I gotta string your entrails all over the place and make a big mess!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo us both a favor; BEAT IT! That is, before we change our minds.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut I need to-!\u201d you protested. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHaven\u2019t you heard a word we said?!\u201d snapped the head on the thick neck. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat Charon guy,\u201d continued the head on the thin neck, \u201cwill row just about ANY moron across the river!\u201d All right, that was IT! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou know what, I think violence will solve this!\u201d you decided as you drew your sword and swung it! …For such a BIG two headed monster, it was surprisingly agile as it backed up quickly. You then realized that with size, speed, and most likely strength on its side, it would be a very one-sided affair and it would NOT end in your favor. \u201cUm, listen, fellas-!\u201d you said as you put your sword away. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDon\u2019t even start with us, Sparky!\u201d hissed the head on the thin neck as the whole beast returned to its post. You then decided to check the spell book…and saw the Snavig spell! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSnavig!\u201d you called. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSnavig!\u201d replied the choir and…oh WOW! Seeing things from two heads was trippy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHuh, now you look like us,\u201d remarked the head on the thick neck, \u201cwhich is an improvement, but you\u2019re still not getting by!\u201d You stumbled around a bit, waiting for it to wear off. It finally did and you approached Charon. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSnavig!\u201d you called again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSnavig!\u201d repeated the choir. …So this is what it felt like being nothing but bones. …Kinda cold. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve transmogrified into his clone!\u201d called Dalboz. \u201cLike you figured out, if you\u2019re gonna do something, do it fast! You won\u2019t stay like this for very long!\u201d Before you left, Charon took his hat off and revealed new text on the top. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI am not impressed,\u201d it said. You quickly headed back to the two-headed monster who apparently didn\u2019t notice that you changed into Charon. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTaking your lunch break early, huh?\u201d asked the head on the thick neck. \u201cDon\u2019t forget to punch out.\u201d The whole beast stepped aside, humming to itself. You took Charon\u2019s timecard and punched out. The gates of Hades then opened just as Snavig wore off! You stepped through the gates…and found a closed Time Tunnel! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAll right! That\u2019s two! Maybe we can find the third soon!\u201d you cheered. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHelloooo!\u201d called a deep voice. You looked around and…there was another Totem! \u201cBrog like rocks!\u201d said the spirit from the Totem. \u201cMmm, rocks! Brog thinking about rocks! Brog thinking about rocks and how nice they are! Nice for his tummy!\u201d You scooped up the Totem and added it to your collection. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHi,\u201d greeted Dalboz. \u201cMy name\u2019s Dalboz, I\u2019m the one in the lantern. The dragon in the Totem is Grif.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHello!\u201d greeted Grif. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe person who\u2019s carrying us around,\u201d continued Dalboz, \u201chasn\u2019t given us a name, so I just use AFGNCAAP. I find it fits he, she, or it pretty well.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey, not it,\u201d you corrected. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBrog am Brog,\u201d said the new Totem. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cUh huh. I never would have figured that out,\u201d muttered Dalboz as you, he, and Grif reached the reasonable conclusion that Brog wasn\u2019t all that bright. \u201cSo, how did you end up in that Totem, big guy?\u201d You then got a clear picture of Brog\u2019s memories…and recognized the surroundings! He somehow crawled up from the floor of the Steppinthrax Monastery where the Inquisition was based! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Nice cave,\u201d said Brog during that time. \u201cCave good place to hide.\u201d Brog wandered through the place…and arrived at the entrance to the Totemizer! He seemed intrigued by the flashing buttons on the control panel. \u201cHello, buttons!\u201d said Brog. He pressed one and the lights went from red to green. \u201cOoh! Green is pretty!\u201d The Totemizer then whirred to life and opened its door! Brog stepped forward! \u201cBrog find nice hiding place! No bad things will happen to him noooOOOOOAAAAAAAHHH!\u201d The memory ended with a first-person view of Brog being Totemized! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBad guys squish Brog in thing!\u201d mumbled Brog in the present day. \u201cBrog thing now! Brog sitting here long time, being thing and thinking about rocks! RRRRRocks!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“…A brand new spell?!” you asked. \u201cH-How?! All you did was talk about it!\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t know! This is my first time seeing it too!\u201d yelped Dalboz. You then got an idea. \u201cHang on!\u201d you said as you dashed into Dalboz\u2019s bedroom and faced the time tunnel. You then held up the lantern Dalboz was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":8050,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1087],"tags":[1091,1095,1089,1094,1088],"class_list":["post-8084","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-zork-grand-inquisitor","tag-afgncaap","tag-brog","tag-dalboz","tag-grif","tag-zork"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8084","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8084"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8084\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8085,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8084\/revisions\/8085"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8050"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8084"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8084"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samueljvinton.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8084"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}