Weaver's Journey

Weaver’s Journey 3

I was enjoying my newest bout with my evil double. Anansi had turned me into Kamen Rider Weaver as usual and I was using new Elementriggers. I had gained ones based on the four elements and ones based on light and dark. My evil double swiped his arm at me as I simply twirled out of the way. “Dude, you’re becoming washed up,” I quipped.

“You’ve spouted enough lies!” he shouted. He fired shadow balls at me, but I twirled out of the way.

“So predictable.” I then pulled out a pair of black Elementriggers and pressed the button.

“What’s the word?” called Anansi, currently serving as my belt.

“Shade!” I replied. The Elementriggers then split and I replaced my Base ones with them. Just then, shadows flowed around me.

“Flowing Darkness! Weaver: Dark Form!” My armor took a shadowy appearance. My double fired shadow balls at me, but I simply let them hit me. They didn’t do any damage. I then dropped into a pool of darkness, then popped up from a pool behind my double. I then spin-kicked him.

“…Did you just-?” asked Anansi.

“Yeah!” I replied as my double tried to find me. “I always wanted to do that!”

“Please don’t do that again!”

“My fight, my rules!” I then pressed the buttons on my Elementriggers.

“FINAL STRIKE! FLOWING SPIDER STRIKE!” As shadowy hands from the floor grabbed my double, I jumped into the air, fired web strings, and pulled myself towards my double while sticking my foot out. My attack struck true and he exploded again when I landed behind him. Once the explosion died, it revealed my double in his human form. I powered down and Anansi assumed his six-armed humanoid shape. Anansi then webbed up my double.

“What were you hoping to accomplish here?” I asked my double.

“That tome is mine, you hear me?!” he roared. Anansi’s eyes bugged out in apprehension.

“What tome?” he asked.

“You know, THE Tome! The Tome of the Multiverse!”

“That’s a myth!”

“You and I both know that’s a lie! It was the very book Nyame gave you! The one that contained the Stories!”

“Now that’s a lie,” I remarked. “Nyame kept the Stories in a box.”

“And where did you hear that from?!”

“From various sources, even academic ones, on the internet. If you’re trying to tell me Anansi’s lying, well, that IS one of his abilities.”

“HEY!” protested Anansi.

“But he DOES tell the truth when push comes to shove and multiple versions of him becoming the Keeper of the Stories say that Nyame kept the stories in a box. Therefore, hypothetically, if Anansi were to tell me that the box he showed me yesterday had the Stories, I’d believe him.”

“Did you really need to say that? I don’t trick people unnecessarily!”

“Explain how you paid the price for the Stories in the first place.” Anansi opened his mouth, then sighed. I had him there.

“The Tome, Anansi!” demanded my double. Anansi just opened a portal and flung him back to his universe.

“He never could see the bigger picture,” muttered Anansi.

“Anansi, what was he going on about?” I asked. Anansi tensed up. “…If it’s about something too dangerous, I’ll happily drop it.”

“No, no, you need to know,” replied Anansi. “You’re one of my more mature students. You can be trusted with that knowledge.” He sat down on a rock and began weaving his tale. “The Tome of the Multiverse is a book where anything your write down becomes reality in a few seconds. You become the Author of the Multiverse and can change timelines to your whim, even going so far as to remove all the bad stuff…and continue a story for all eternity, even when it’s gone past its expiry date.”

“…Okay, yes, conflict’s necessary for life,” I said, “but what’s so wrong about continuing a story?”

“Everything has to end, my student. Civilizations, gods, planets, stars, universes, even stories. Something new has to take the old one’s place. That’s what makes life worth living.”

“What does the Tome look like? Where does it live?”

“…I’m afraid I can’t tell you. …No, check that, I won’t.” I was a little angry, but kept it buried.

“Why not?”

“That kind of power drives a person mad. I tried to use it and I almost lost my family. I had to establish guards in the Tome’s universe, guards connected by a hive mind so they could constantly check themselves against temptation. Believe me, if a god can’t wield that book without consequences, a mortal doesn’t have a hope in Hell.” Anansi then smiled. “Ah well, that’s enough doom and gloom. Now, come on! We need to get home!” As Anansi opened a portal home, I thought about what he said.

I did some research on where the Tome would be located and what was guarding it. It was located in a universe with only stars and asteroids, no planets to speak of. I had the means to create a crew, but I needed a ship, so I headed to a universe where starship travel was practically the name of the game. Universe 0-N-L-1-N-3 of Multiversal Cluster 5-T-4-R-T-R-3-K, the universe of Star Trek Online! The rift I had opened deposited me to Earth Spacedock, the main hub for Federation players. In that universe, I adopted the name of Kahn. I made my way to the spacedock’s bar and lounge, Club 47. I looked around to see if anyone could help. Just then, I saw my four characters come in. Three of them were women and the one male was a Jem’Hadar First. One of the women was a short Liberated Romulan Borg. How could I tell? She was grinning and wore Romulan civilian clothes instead of Borg armor. She still had a Borg eyepiece and the ashen skin of the Borg, but she had a cutesy attitude and stance. The second woman was a Klingon of average height with a seductive swagger to her movements. That didn’t exactly detract from her Klingon Warrior’s attitude. The third woman was a tall one with spikes around her face and eyebrows, reddish-pink skin, long limbs, and a long neck. The Klingon woman saw me and smirked. “Typical,” she chuckled as she sized me up. “I join my more experienced teammates of Valkyrie Division to get some refreshments and who do I find? The little runt!”

“You can talk, Captain Beefcake!” I replied. The Klingon and I stared each other down. …She then laughed in approval.

“Welcome back, Kahn, old friend!” said the Klingon, Tarj’agh of the Minor House of Luk’ergh, Captain of the I.K.S. Katana.

“What brings you here?” asked the tall woman, Captain Galmak of the U.S.S. Augustus Washington.

“Actually, can we all talk in private?” I asked.

“There is a private area here,” offered the Jem’Hadar, First Teran’tekal of the D.V. Glory. The four led me to a secluded area of the bar.

“Now,” asked the Liberated Romulan Borg, Commander Sarvem of the R.R.W Brutus, “what can we do for you?”

“I need to borrow one of your ships,” I explained to everyone, “one that you don’t see yourself using anymore.”

“What for?” asked Teran’tekal.

“…You don’t want to ask that.”

“Too late, I just did.”

“First Teran’tekal, you REALLY don’t want to know!”

“Khan,” growled Tarj’agh as irritation reached her voice, “you are not speaking plainly!”

“I’m a Romulan,” said Sarvem, “so I like my secrets, but we can’t exactly give you a ship we don’t want any more unless you tell us why you want it.” I grimaced. Time to tell the truth.

“I’m using that ship to get into a universe where a book floats in space and is guarded by a hive intelligence.” Galmak arched an eyebrow.

“This wouldn’t be the Tome, would it?” she asked.

“…How did you know?”

“You’re not the only one who knows about it.”

“The Tome?” asked Teran’tekal. “The book that can warp reality as we know it?”

“The book that makes whatever its wielder writes in its pages happen in real life?” quizzed Tarj’agh,

“The book Anansi doesn’t want anyone to get near?” inquired Sarvem. I nodded, confirming their suspicions.

“You were right, I DIDN’T want to know!” gulped Teran’tekal.

“Think about it!” I urged everyone.

“Oh, we are!” said Sarvem. “Which is why we’re not helping you!”

“Sarvem, come on! At least let me use the Caesar!” I pleaded.

“You wanna know what that hive intelligence is made of?! I’ll give you a hint: they’re like me!”

“…They’re former Borg?”

“The Tome is surrounded by a Borg Unicomplex,” explained Galmak. “Anansi took a Cube into that universe a long time ago and added more drones and materials to make the Unicomplex. They’re long severed from the Collective, so they’ve made their own hive mind.”

“Then that makes them weaker,” I remarked.

“They’re functioning on basic Borg commands,” growled Tarj’agh. “We’d still be assimilated in ten seconds flat!”

“They’ve even learned how to assimilate and preserve Jem’Hadar,” continued Teran’tekal. “The Founders ordered me to avoid them at all costs unless there’s a chance of victory, and I don’t intend to throw away my life for defeat!”

“Tarj’agh, surely going through the Unicomplex would be a glorious battle!” I asked the Klingon. She scoffed at my attempt.

“If there WAS a chance of a glorious battle, then I would take it! As it stands, going against a Borg Unicomplex is foolhardy and the wind does not respect a fool!”

“Galmak, this would be a chance for Starfleet to deal more crippling blows against the Borg!”

“No, it would mean that they would learn more Starfleet secrets and I’m not about to become the next Locutus!”

“Sarvem, you would be able to prevent others from being assimilated!”

“Are you kidding?! With my combat experience, I’d be reassimilated! Forget it! You got our answers, we’re not helping you go through a Borg Unicomplex just so you can get a book that would make you a god!”


“Our decision is final!” barked Tarj’agh. “Leave us!” I looked all four of my first characters. Never had I felt so betrayed.

“…Fine,” I hissed as I opened a rift. If they wouldn’t help me, then I would use someone else.

Weaver's Journey

Weaver’s Journey 2

“Man, what a YEAR!” I griped as I recalled 2020. COVID-19, civil unrest, the election, it was quite a year. So much so, it made me forget what I held dear. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to hold on for so long. A mechanical spider bumped against my foot as I thought. I looked down at the spider and arched an eyebrow. “Something on your mind, Anansi?”

“Just making sure you were okay,” replied the spider, the African Story Keeper, Anansi. He then shifted into a more flesh-and-blood form of an elder man in traditional Ghana dress with six arms. “This year has been rough on everyone, even me.”

“How so?” I asked. “You can’t possibly be affected by COVID-19.”

“Even gods and their kin can get sick.”

“So, you couldn’t go overseas to see your wife and kids.”

“Nope, and it tore me apart.”

“That just seems un…” My sentence was stopped by music. “…The heck?”

“It’s coming from your closet,” muttered Anansi. We entered the closet and shuffled through my clothes and came out of another door instead of running into the back wall. It opened to a room with a large bookcase. We went closer to it.

“…Music’s louder here,” I reported. We then got the same idea and felt around for some sort of trigger.

“…Dammit, my eyesight’s going bad!” grumbled Anansi. “Hey, pass me that candle, would you?” He pointed to a candle flickering on the wall. I grabbed it…and the bookcase wall rotated, taking Anansi with it! It soon became a bare wall. “…Put! The candle! Back!” I did so and the wall made a complete circle. “…All right! I have it figured out now! Take the candle out and…”

“I see where this is going! I’ve watched Young Frankenstein enough times!” I argued. “You’re gonna have a cracked exoskeleton if you do that!”

“Trust me!” I rolled my eyes at his insistence. I took the candle out and Anansi blocked the bookcase with his body. I then set the candle down on a table and shoved against the other side of the bookcase, making it rotate and freeing Anansi. I then dusted my hands and smirked before I realized what just happened.

“…Put! The candle! Back!” I called. The bookcase then rotated before Anansi webbed it and halted its progress. We then looked through the opening to see a passageway. “Well, well, well, what have we here?” I mused.

“The music’s coming from down there,” remarked Anansi. “Come on!” We went down the passageway and came to an open door to a music room. A band was playing something similar to Dare from the 80’s Transformers movie.

Sitting in a basement and always writing,

And he’s got no real friends,

You wonder how he keeps going! (going)

Think of all the things that really matter,

And the chances he’s missed!

His visible paunch is growing! (growing)

Can’t even fly if he tried, sitting on his behind!

Heaven only knows what’s on his mind!

Dare, dares to believe he’s got a life!

He buries his head in the sand!

Dare, dares to think he’s got any strife!

He never even stands,

He doesn’t even want to dare!

He keeps on typing at his keyboard,

In his dwelling underground.

Seems like it’s been forever! (ever), oh!

Apply the right kind of needed pressure,

Then he lose his last round!

Looks like it’s now or never! (never)

He never wants to ever come out into the light,

He always thinks his silly words are right!

Dare, dares to believe he’s got a life!

He buries his head in the sand!

Dare, dares to think he’s got any strife!

He never even stands,

He doesn’t even want to dare!

Dare, dares to believe he’s got a life!

He buries his head in the sand!

Dare, dares to think he’s got any strife!

He barely has any form of command, oh!

Dare, dares to keep all his rambles alive!

Dares to be lazy as he can be!

Dare, there is a place where he survives,

He thinks it gives him victory!

Dare, dare!

As the song played, I noticed the band members were people I knew! The lead singer was my evil double from a universe where I conquered Earth, the guitarist was Megumi Hishikawa in her blue dress, the drummer was the holo-form of Megatron from my Transformers/Sonic the Hedgehog crossover, and the keyboardist was my dad, Green Dalek! “…Is he for real?!” asked Anansi as we watched.

“I’m gonna get an explanation from all of them,” I muttered. The song ended and Evil Me saw me. “You’re actually serious about this?” I asked as I pointed in the general direction of the band.

“Behold, my weaker self! My Future Villain Band!” cheered Evil Me.

“Oh, for the love of…!” I groaned. “It’s been about almost two years since our first meeting and you’re just as derivative as I thought!”

“Derivative?! What do you mean derivative?!”

“‘Future Villain Band’? One, you’re a villain from my past! Two, Megumi and Dad aren’t villains! Three, the only reason I get the reference at all is because I watched Linkara review a comic adaptation of Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band! Couldn’t you have called it the ‘Author Parody Band’ or something?!”

“Ooh, there’s an idea!” mused Megatron.

“Megatron, what are YOU doing here?!” I demanded.

“I’m a villain in my story!”

“Yeah, but you haven’t even faced me! And…you play drums?”

“I DO have other interests outside of barking orders, berating the Decepticons for their failures, and beating on Eggman twice a week.”

“Megumi,” called Anansi, “what ARE you doing here anyways?!”

“I got bored after winning my 3V2R,” explained Megumi. “I figured this parody song would be okay since I’m not gonna have my contract with the Author renewed for a while.”

“I…guess it’s okay,” I muttered. I then turned to Green Dalek. “Dad, what’s the idea?!”

“To be fair, you DO have a tendency to be lazy,” replied Green Dalek. “In any case, it doesn’t matter. Your Evil Twin needed to do some introspection anyway.”

“Now JUST a minute!” protested Evil Me.

“And how are you even here at all, Evil Me?!” I called. “You were banished back to your universe when Vegeta took you back!”

“He didn’t destroy the technology I used to make my first trip!” answered Evil Me.

“So, you couldn’t let go of the beatdown Anansi and I gave you?”

“No, of course not! I won’t let myself feel defeat again!”

“And THIS is your big revenge scheme?! You form a band and play a parody song about how I’m so lazy?!

“I also kidnapped Anansi’s family.” Evil Me pointed to a group of people lashed to chairs. They were like Anansi’s human form in that they were in traditional Ghana dress and had six arms. The group consisted of one plump elderly woman and seven young men.

“Hello, Anansi,” greeted the woman.

“Aso, you and our boys are spider deities like me!” protested Anansi. “How did you get roped up?!”

“We DO have other interests outside of putting up with your antics, Dad,” remarked Toto Abuo, the Stone Thrower.

“This day refuses to make sense,” I grumbled.

“Your sanity is hanging by a thread, loser!” taunted Evil Me. “All it takes is one little push!”

“Can’t argue that,” I conceded.

“Think about it! All that time writing, all that time sitting in your basement, hoping your words will change someone’s mind on a certain topic and the world just ignores you! Face it, your quest to change someone’s mind will NEVER be over! This is why DeviantArt Eclipse was your downfall! You’ll be forever building up your fanbase and what will happen when your sites take a turn like Eclipse?! You will have to start all over again! You are a loser and a failure who will never be as popular as Peter Cullen!”

“That’s enough!” snarled Green Dalek as he stood up. “You can’t call him a failure, you pale imitation!”

“…Pale imitation?!” hissed Evil Me.

“You’re right,” I mused. “There’s a risk that people will just scoff at my writing and I’m probably not going to be as popular as Peter Cullen…but, a failure? A loser?” I then laughed. “You couldn’t be more wrong.”

“He’s right,” affirmed Anansi. “Now, my former ‘Master’, what say we get on with it?” He turned into his more mechanical self, then formed a belt strap and fastened himself to my waist. I then pulled out the gimmick I needed, the Base Elementrigger. “What’s the word?!” called Anansi as I put the thing near my mouth.

“HENSHIN!” I announced. The Elementrigger then split into two and I inserted them under Anansi’s legs. Anansi then leapt away from the belt and wove a cocoon around me while I made a spider impression with my hands. I then swung my arms outwards and broke the cocoon while Anansi returned to my belt. My suit had already formed by then and I became Kamen Rider Weaver once again. Green Dalek then pulled out a belt that he won in a 3V2R. He fastened it and it spoke.

“FANDOM SHIELDRIVER!” He made a pained expression as it was kind of loud. After his ears recovered, he pulled out the gimmick (a shield-shaped device with the Autobot and Decepticon logos on each side) and pressed a button on top.

“TRANSFORM!” it announced. He then set it into the belt and struck a pose.

“Henshin!” he called. He pressed a button on the right side of the buckle and the device opened up, revealing a mural of the Transformers fighting, with Optimus and Megatron at the forefront.

“THE TRANSFORMERS!” called the belt. A bit of the first G1 opening then played. “Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons!” His armor then flew out of the device and formed onto him, evoking Optimus Prime and gaining a shield-shaped shoulder pad on his left shoulder. His weapon appeared, a giant shield with a blaster near the wrist. The shield was shaped like the Autobot symbol. Megatron rolled his eyes.

“Kamen Rider Prime?” he asked. Green Dalek simply turned to my evil twin and pointed at him.

“All the world’s a stage,” he proclaimed, “but I’M editing this script! Kamen Rider Daiku!” His name literally translates to ‘carpenter’, but it DOES work as ‘editor’. I followed suit.

“Kamen Rider Weaver, I shall be the author of your defeat!”

“Hey, wait for me!” called Megumi. “I haven’t had a good Henshin sequence in a long time!” She inserted her i.d. tag into her Vortex Driver “Henshin!” She spun the wheel, and a giant version of the wheel then surrounded her feet and opened parts of itself to attach her armor while the belt strap changed her clothes into the undersuit. The armor then completed itself and she struck her pose. “Kamen Rider Royal! Evil shall ultimately bow to me!” Megatron then shrugged and extended his concealed blade from beneath his fusion cannon.

“I am Megatron! Peace through tyranny!”

“…We’ll work on that,” I muttered.

“No, we won’t.” Megatron was then slugged in the chest. My double had long shifted into his tarantula-monster form.

“If we’re all done talking,” he hissed, “why don’t we proceed with the fight?” I swung a punch, but he caught in and managed to burn my hand! I pulled back and held my hand in pain. Daiku then slammed his fist onto our enemy’s back, only to get the same result as me. Evil me then started shooting fireballs. We all took cover and fired our ranged weapons.

“Well, I guess it’s that time!” Daiku then pulled out a new device and pressed the button on top.

“ELEMENTAL MASTER!” it called. He then replaced the device in his belt with the new one and opened it.

“AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER/LEGEND OF KORRA!” called the Fandom ShielDriver. His armor then took on the appearance of Aang. Like the Avatar, he used a variety of elements to aid him in the fight. Megatron continued firing that BFG of his and Megumi pulled out an i.d. tag, swapped hers out with it, and spun the wheel.

“Uncle Iroh Steel!” it called. She then gained armor based off of Iroh and attacked. I felt left out.

“Excuse me!” called the youngest of Anansi’s boys, Intikuma. “I got something that might help you!” He handed me four sets of Elementriggers.

“Thank you!” I bid. I then took out my base Elementriggers and pressed a button on my new orange set.

“What’s the word?!” asked Anansi.

“Burn!” I replied. I then put them in.

“Burning Justice! Weaver: Fire Form!” announced Anansi. My armor then gained a fiery appearance. I struck my double and, this time, he was the only one feeling pain. “Wait, that doesn’t make sense,” muttered Anansi. “You’re using fire like him and yet, YOU’RE causing him damage.”

“I guess like repels like,” I theorized.

“That only works on…you know what, I won’t question it.”

“Use the blaster!” called Intikuma. I took his suggestion and turned the dial on Anansi’s rear to the desired weapon.

“MMOBORO BLASTER!” The gun appeared in my hand, and I fired. My evil twin doubled over in pain.

“NOT AGAIN! GAGH! IT’S WORSE THAN LAST TIME!” Daiku then swapped out his current armor for his usual one and Royal began her power-up sequence.

“DAI SUPER CHARGE!” she called. The old armor turned gold and white, then bulked up before exploding off of her to reveal new armor with tiger stripes. Now, she was Kamen Rider Vortex. She spun the wheel again.

“Final Attack!” announced her belt. Daiku then closed and opened the mural.

“FINISHING EDIT!” called his belt. I then pressed the triggers on the Elementriggers.

“FINAL STRIKE!” cheered Anansi. “BURNING SPIDER STRIKE!” We all performed a Rider Kick and struck true. Megatron then gave a parting shot, causing our enemy to explode. He fell to his human state and went unconscious.

“Well, that was fun,” sighed Vortex as she took off her belt and became Megumi Hishikawa once again.

“Intense, you mean,” replied Daiku as he became Green Dalek again. Anansi leapt off my waist and checked on his family. Once everyone was okay, Megumi called a ride home for us.

“Thank you, everyone!” I called as I left with Anansi. We returned to my usual dwelling, and I began writing again.

Weaver's Journey

Weaver’s Journey 1

I sat in my chair at my desk, ready to make another story. My fingers hovered over the keyboard…but nothing came to them. No words, no sentences, no letters, they all just blurred out, forcing me to get up and try to act out the scene. It still ended up a jumbled mess. I sighed. No ideas were coming to me tonight. I then heard a knock on the door upstairs. “Oh, for the love of…!” I groaned as I went upstairs. If it was a solicitor, I was gonna strip down to my birthday suit and scare the s*** out of them! What stopped me? The guy dressed like Vegeta of Dragonball fame. I opened the door. “Nice costume,” I remarked. “What brings you here?”

“Come on, you know already,” replied the guy, sounding EXACTLY like Vegeta.

“Look, I’m not the most social guy,” I explained, “so I don’t know where Comic Con is. I can certainly look it up for you.”

“I’m not looking for a convention,” dismissed the guy. “You reached the milestone, so ask me.”

“Ask you what?” I quizzed.

“You ARE Optimusthemobian on DeviantArt, right?” asked the guy.

“…How did you piece that together?” I demanded, a little scared.

“I’m an alien, I know things,” answered the guy. “Look, we all know your pageview count, so, go on. Ask me.”

“My…pageview count?” I asked.

“…Do you REALLY not know your pageviews?!” yelped the guy.

“What are you…?!” I replied before something hit me on the back of the head, making me black out.

When I came to, so did the guy. We were in some sort of web cocoon. Another guy in a black cape and dark-colored armor was working a machine. “All right, I didn’t consent to this cheap James Bond-esque villain trope!”

“I didn’t ask for your consent, twerp,” replied the second guy. I then realized the voice sounded like…mine! The second guy turned around and it was like I was looking in a mirror, albeit, a dark one.

“…Mirror universe?” I asked.

“Not totally,” replied my double. “Just an alternate path for YOU specifically.”

“So, what, did the Terran Empire need to research alternate universes to get a leg up on the competition?” I joked.

“You barely speak to anyone in real life,” growled my double, “and yet, you love the sound of your voice!”

“That’s what makes me lovable!” I chuckled.

“As opposed to you writing fanfic day in and day out that no one cares about?!” argued my double.

“Hey, I have people faving my stories!” I countered, feeling attacked.

“Worthless bots!” dismissed my double. “You call yourself the navigator of Anansi’s web, yet your major fanfic, one that you completed, is just a mere retelling of a video game!” That struck a little too close to home. “Oh, that touched a nerve, didn’t it? I will say this, at least you were honest about saying that on your page. Why do you still cling to your childhood treasures?! Because remembering the simplicity of the past makes you stronger! Remembering how it was so easy back then and desiring to bring that into the present day makes you more powerful! You’re just like me! The only difference is I became something worthwhile; the ruler of my world!”

“You? Conquer?” I asked.

“Manipulate all the governments into hating each other, and they will kill one another,” replied my double. “The U.S. President was the easiest to manipulate, given that orangutan’s predilection to spew hatred.” No change from my universe’s version of him. “Then came Russia, then China, then the U.K. and so on and so forth. Eventually, Earth’s population shrank from 7.7 billion to 147.8 million. More land for the people, more chance for animals to spring back, and more chance for the forests to grow to their full splendor. Each nation spent over a trillion dollars in weapons. I denied them that indulgence. The money is now used to suppress hunger, disease, poverty, all the problems that plagued us. Our ozone layer is now stronger than ever. We now use cleaner sources of energy, keeping all fossil based fuels as a last resort. The poorest person in the poorest country can pay off a very decent car and pay their house off in a reasonable time. My world is in a golden age, the likes of which has never been seen before!”

“With your flunkies controlling the masses and you controlling the flunkies!” I snapped.

“Is that really so bad in the long run?!” argued my double. “People need a clear idea of who’s in charge! The system America functions on has each area of the government blaming one another and never getting anything done! Laws can be passed or vetoed by the President and yet Congress can override that decision and, just to muddy the waters more, the Supreme Court is wrapped up in cases concerning such weakness that last for years and leave the people to fight amongst themselves! Under my rule, people know who made the laws, why they were made, and how they can best obey! True unity!”

“What about unity’s other half, freedom?!” I shouted.

“There are those starving who would rather have food than freedom,” replied my double.

“You’re talking as if they’re mutually exclusive!” I protested.

“They ARE,” answered my double. “Vegeta can attest to that.” He pointed to the guy I thought was a cosplayer.

“You mean, you’re…” I gulped, realizing who it was.

“…Did you think I was a mere fanboy?!” snarled Vegeta.

“A dense idiot,” remarked my double. “I have an empire under my command while you sit in your grandparents’ basement writing worthless drivel.”

“We’ll see if it’s worthless!” I challenged. “Why tell me all this?”

“Because I need to make sure there’s only ONE of us in this universe,” explained my double. “Back home, my conquest of the planet was swift! Quick! Easy! …I gained little satisfaction.”

“So you’re here to do it again, but a little slower?” I scoffed.

“Yes,” confirmed my double.

“…I’m getting some Atop the Fourth Wall vibes here,” I remarked.

“There’s never enough time before you shut up, is there, you annoying retard?!” snarled my double.

“Oh, A**hole,” I hissed, “that’s the wrong thing to call me!” I then burst out of the cocoon and leapt onto my double. He yelped and shoved me off. “Besides, if you’re my double, don’t YOU have autism too?!”

“Unimportant to me!” argued my double. Unlike me, this guy could hit hard. Vegeta managed to break out of his cocoon by going Super Saiyan and swung a punch at the guy who effortlessly caught it. “Did you seriously learn nothing?” he muttered as he tossed the Saiyan Prince aside. “There you are, Prince of all THREE Saiyans and their hybrid children, and he’s nothing more than a ragdoll against me.”

“Well, ain’t YOU a Mary-Sued up villain?” I snarked. He grabbed my neck and flung me aside.

“I take what power I need,” he scoffed. “Look at you. You never conquered, never fought, never took the initiative, you drifted throughout your life. My life is in focus. You claim to be a disciple of Anansi when, in all truth, that spider is under my command. Anansi, kill him. …Anansi? …Anansi, your master…” Big mistake! He doubled over in pain as he clutched his foot. Angry fang marks were evident on his ankle. The offending creature that delivered the bite was a mechanical spider, roughly the size of a belt buckle. “ANANSI, YOU JUDAS!” shouted my double. The mechanical spider turned to face him.

“You can’t keep me under your heel forever, Enslaver!” it hissed in a thick Ghana accent. “You tried to take the Stories from me, a poor error in judgement! They’re called Anansesem (spider stories) for a reason!” The spider, the African Story Keeper, Anansi then leapt onto my waist and moved his legs to the side, causing a belt strap to form. Some handle-like device then appeared on the right side of my waist. It had two buttons on top and two triggers on the grip. “You ARE a Kamen Rider fan, right?” asked Anansi. I then saw where this was going.

“Hey! Mirror-me!” I called. My double then got up, frothing with rage. “Get a load of this!” I held the device to my mouth.

“What’s the word?!” called Anansi.

“Henshin!” I announced. I then pressed the buttons on top, making the device split in half. I then plugged the halves underneath Anansi’s legs with the triggers facing down. Anansi temporarily jumped off the belt and wove a cocoon around me while I made a spider with my hands, my thumbs near my face. The suit formed and I threw my fists to the side, breaking the cocoon as Anansi returned to the belt. A HUD showed what I looked like on the outside. My two eyes were split into four to evoke a spider’s eyes. I had a pair of legs going above my head and a pair of legs reaching my actual legs. Coattails resembled spinnerets and my mouthplate evoked a spider’s mouth. “Oh, I very much LIKE!” I chuckled.

“Fancy armor won’t save you!” dismissed my double.

“I think it will, in this case!” I argued. “You face Kamen Rider Weaver, the author of your defeat!” I tried to make a cool pose.

“…I think the Ginyu Force auditions are that way!” laughed Vegeta as he pointed behind my house.

“OH SHUT UP!” I protested.

“And that catchphrase, UGH!” groaned Anansi.

“You zip it too!” I snapped.

“Uh, HELLO?! FIGHT?!” shouted my double. Vegeta joined me as we took a defensive stance. My double took out a device similar to the one that I used to change. He then spoke into it. “Belua!” (Beast!) he announced. He then split the device into two and jabbed them into his pectorals. They sunk into him and he turned into a monstrous, humanoid spider! He then charged at us while we rolled out of the way and delivered a kick to his backside. He swung wildly with his arms, hoping to hit us. “WHERE?!” he bellowed when he missed us. “WHERE ARE YOU?!”

“What’s his deal?” asked Vegeta. “He’s got quadruple the eyes a human does.”

“He’s based off of a tarantula,” I observed. “Their eyesight is very poor. They hunt via vibration. Considered by scientists to be one of the least evolved spiders on Earth. My suit, on the other hand, is based off of more advanced spiders. Excellent eyesight, web-weaving, impressive speed and jumping power, it’s all here!”

“You won’t be boasting about it for long!” shouted my monstrous double. “You win, and you’d have nothing! No one even remembers your DA page!”

“I’m connected to it now!” I argued. “My pageview count begs to differ. I know why Vegeta came here! So, let’s get that meme out of the way! Vegeta, what does the scouter say about my pageview count?” Vegeta checked his scouter, then held it in his hand.

“IT’S OVER NINE THOUSAAAND!” he shouted as he crushed the scouter.

“Way over that, if I’m reading this correctly!” I supplied, stunning my double. “19,276 at last count, with 677 deviations, 42 journals, and 30 people watching me!”


“That’s the thing,” I replied, “being a conqueror tends to turn people away from you in the long run. An artist, on the other hand, one who creates, they tend to be more popular!” My double screamed in rage, unable to accept that I did anything worthwhile in my life. “True,” I continued, “my anatomy needs work and I could use the occasional brush-up on grammar, but I still enjoy what I do! Assholes like you are NOTHING to me!” That set him off as he charged at us.

“Kid, out of the way!” shouted Vegeta as he shoved me aside. “GALICK GUN, FIRE!” He fired off his Galick Gun and hit my double square in the chest. I rotated a dial on Anansi’s rear to an image of a hornet’s nest.

“MMOBORO BLASTER!” he called. A gun evoking a hornet’s nest appeared in my hand as I fired. The shots went into my double’s exoskeleton and he started writhing in pain.

“GET THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!” he squealed. “I’M ON FIRE!” Not true, but the Mmoboro hornets had stings that acted like red-hot needles. I then turned the dial to a python’s image. 

“ONINI SABER!” called Anansi. A sword shaped like a python replaced the gun. I pressed a button on the sword’s hilt and it became a thick whip. I swung it and it wrapped around my double, squeezing him. His exoskeleton cracked and fell, as did his real shape. He then pressed a button on his arm and surrounded himself in a nasty purple aura before slamming his fists into me and Vegeta. I turned the dial to the image of a leopard. “OSEBO CLAWS!” announced Anansi as my sword was replaced with clawed gloves in a leopard pattern. I pressed a button on the dial, indicating that I wanted my current weapon to stay while I used another. I then turned the dial to a small fairy in traditional Ghana dress. “MMOATIA CLOAK!” called Anansi. I turned invisible to my double.


“Right behind you!” I replied in a French accent as my claws raked across his back. I pressed the dial’s button again, cancelling my invisibility and claws while I pressed the triggers on the handles of my belt.

“FINAL STRIKE!” shouted Anansi. I leapt into the air, then fired a rope of silk from my palms, making sure they were on either side of my double. I went higher, making the ropes go taut. “SPIDER BREAK!” called Anansi as I pulled, making me fall at an incredible rate. My foot impacted with my double and I landed behind him. The armor he wore exploded. I decided to follow the ‘Cool Guys Never Look at Explosions’ rule. He fell to the ground, breathing heavily and in pain.

“I’ll take him back,” remarked Vegeta.

“Really?” I asked. “How do you intend to accomplish that?”

“‘A portal then opened behind me, surprising both of us,’” answered Anansi.

“…What?” I quizzed. Vegeta was just as confused. A portal then opened behind me, surprising both of us.

“That’s the thing about all stories belonging to me,” chuckled Anansi, “I tend to see where a story goes.”

“Dude, spoilers!” I protested. Vegeta picked up my double and went through the portal.

“You know,” mused Anansi, “I may stick around for a while.”

“…No tricks then, okay?” I asked, knowing Anansi.

“No promises,” replied Anansi.

“I wouldn’t believe you if you said no tricks,” I answered. “Let’s do this, then!” With that, I reaffirmed my own faith in Anansi’s job and my duty as a writer.