Standalones Super Mario Heroes

Super Mario Heroes: Prologue

Another dark day, another dark deed in the country of Darkland. The Koopas continued their drills as if it were any other day. However, after their master had returned from his recent adventure, they went through a period of non-aggression against the Mushroom Kingdom. They were feeling a little…speculative about their master. As they offered multiple theories, their master, the king of Darkland himself, Bowser Koopa, slept. At least, he slept until the alarm clock rang its annoying chime. Bowser punched it off the nightstand and grumbled as he turned in bed. He then sat up and got out of bed, getting a shell out of the closet and climbing into it. He then did his stretches and retreated into his shell and popped out multiple times. After that, he just stood in the middle of the room, groaning to himself. He then stomped to the dining hall and sat at his usual place while his son, Junior, sat next to him. “Morning, Papa!” he called. Bowser just grunted. “Er…Papa?”

“Morning, Junior,” rumbled Bowser.

“Didn’t you sleep at all last night?”

“I slept fine, kiddo, just waking up a little slow today.” Breakfast was served and they ate.

“You know, Papa, me and the Koopalings are almost done with our project! You should see it this afternoon.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll just come to the lab when it’s done.”

“…Papa, this isn’t about what happened at Lake Lapcat, is it?”

“Nah, it ain’t that. Your old man’s just got a lot on his mind, that’s all.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll get it all settled! You’re just that awesome, Papa.” Bowser smirked at his son’s enthusiasm.

“Thanks, Junior.” They finished breakfast and Bowser headed to the throne room. Kamek was standing next to the throne as Bowser sat down.

“Your Surliness,” he began, “our first order of the day is that the Cult of Bowser has come to offer tribute! They’re waiting outside the throne room right now!”

“Show them in,” ordered Bowser. The “cult” left a lot to be desired in terms of appearance…and hygiene. Bowser and Kamek developed a twitch.

“Oh, Great Bowser Koopa, Lord of Darkland,” praised the cult leader, “you have allowed us to live under your watchful gaze and for that, we are forever grateful!” The smell ran rampant inside Bowser’s nose. “We offer you a special tribute in…!”

“STOP!” roared Bowser. “Just…just look at what you’re doing! You’re getting your filth all over the floor! Haven’t you guys ever heard of showers?!” The cult leader was taken aback, as if the concept of cleanliness was foreign to him. “I just had the throne room cleaned last night! Out! OUT! GET OOOOUUUT!” The cult quickly left, taking their smell with them. The cleaning staff immediately got to work.

“You didn’t even see their tribute,” observed Kamek, “not that getting rid of them wasn’t a wise decision.”

“Whatever it was, it was probably made of dung anyways,” rumbled Bowser.

“…Fair point, Master.”

After hearing the cases of the day, Bowser headed to the Koopalings’ lab and found them and his son standing by a machine. “Bowser, we did it!” cheered Ludwig Von Koopa. “May I introduce the most epic version of Princess Kidnapping Machinery to date!” The cover came off of a giant Mecha shaped like Mario. “Programmed with all of Mario’s skills, it will finally flatten that plumber as we take Peach!”

“And I care because?” asked Bowser. Junior and the Koopalings goggled at the Koopa King.

“…B-because it would finally give you what you want?” urged Junior. “You know? Having Mama Peach as your queen and ending Mario’s game permanently?”

“Oh, that was the OLD Bowser. This is a NEW Bowser, and he doesn’t really care about a mustachioed, fat, pasta-loving plumber or his hot, royal, pink-wearing, blonde girlfriend. It’s hilarious, really. Look, I tell you kids what, you want to kidnap Peach and destroy Mario? Go ahead. Who cares? I certainly don’t. Not one bit at all.” Bowser left the lab, leaving the Koopalings very confused.

“…Papa,” sighed Junior in sympathy.

Bowser made his way in the office of a psychiatrist, the famous Dr. F. Roid, an old Koopa with glasses and a beard. “So, Lord Bowser,” began Dr. Roid as Bowser laid down on the couch, “tell me what’s been bothering you.”

“Well, you see, it’s like this, Doc,” answered Bowser, “it’s been about 35 years since I first met my nemesis.”

“It’s been that long, My Lord?”

“Yeah. You see; that’s the actual problem. Once he began stopping me frequently, I thought that he’d get older and then Mario…”

“We don’t say his name here. This is a safe place.”

“R-right. Sorry, Doctor. Well, I just assumed, after all those power-ups over the years, he would get a permanent game over! …But he hasn’t even aged, I mean, like, at ALL! He and his green brother just keep jumping around as if they were kids, it looks like he’s going to get between me and Peach FOREVER! I…I just don’t know if I can handle that!”

“Yes, it seems his arrival in this world has affected his natural aging process. It’s quite the conundrum.”

“Yeah, exactly! …What’s a…connonumdum?”

“Conundrum, it’s a fancy word for a highly difficult problem.”

“Thanks, Doc. I just wish there were someone to help me get rid of my problem.” Someone then pounded on Dr. Roid’s door.

“Your Depressedness!” called Kamek. “You have a visitor demanding an audience!”

“Go away!” replied Bowser. “Didn’t you get the memo?! I’m busy with therapy right now! Leave us alone!”

“But, Master, it’s Ganondorf and…!”

“Ganondorf?! What’s he doing here?!” Bowser then stormed out of the office.

“WAIT! WE’RE NOT FINISHED YET!” wailed Dr. Roid.

“Send me the bill!” replied Bowser as he made his way to the throne room. He found Ganondorf Dragmire sitting lazily on the throne. “HEY! THAT’S MY THRONE!”

“And I was hoping for something along the lines of ‘Welcome back, Ganondorf, old friend.’,” snarked Ganondorf.

“We’re NOT friends, especially after the Subspace incident!”

“You wound me, Koopa. In any event, this isn’t a social call. I’ve been in contact with someone who may…help us.”

“If it’s Tabuu again, you work with him yourself!”

“No! No, no, no, it’s someone from your world. I believe he once attacked Sarasaland.”

“What, the runt, Tatanga? What does he want?”

“He’s found something about…Elemental Princesses that hold ultimate power to conquer the universe as we know it.” Bowser’s eyes went wide as the temptation became clear.

“…You have my attention!” An evil grin then appeared on the Koopa King’s face, a grin he had not experienced in some time!

Standalones Super Mario Heroes

Super Mario Heroes: Ch 4

The Heroes made it to the castle as Ridley landed inside it! “This is bad!” gulped Zelda. “They must be in the middle of their search!”

“We must stop them!” declared Link. The Heroes entered the castle gates to find Ganondorf, Ridley, and Dedede talking to Bowser.

“HEY, BOWSER!” called Mario. The four villains turned to see the Heroes.

“You again?!” groaned Ganondorf.

“Can’t you take a hint?!” roared Ridley.

“The only hint we took,” bellowed Donkey Kong as he thumped his chest, “is that your evil needs to be stopped!”

“He’s right!” declared Mario. “Your evil was manageable back in the past, but THIS?! This is just out of control! We won’t give up, though! As long as our hearts are full of light, we will NEVER…”

“Good lord, not another hero speech!” interrupted Dedede. “You Heroes remind me of an outboard motor! All the time, putt putt putt putt putt putt putt putt putt putt!”

“Examined your OWN mouth recently?” grunted Ridley.

“Enough!” roared Bowser. “They’re too late anyway!”

“What?!” yelped Link.

“You heard me!” laughed Bowser. “The guy who organized this alliance, he already burned the book!” To prove his point, Bowser tossed the scorched remains of a book at the Heroes’ feet. “Can’t do much research now, can you?” taunted Bowser. “Your one chance to piece together how the Princesses can be saved, and it’s nothing more than ash!”

“You monster!” snarled Peach.

“I’m gonna enjoy kicking your shell!” growled Daisy as she cracked her knuckles.

“The Princess of a poor kingdom?” laughed Bowser. “You’re not worth the effort to crush.”

“Why you…!!” snarled Daisy.

“Oh, I just remembered,” recalled Bowser. “I think you would remember the person who got us Villains together.”

“…I would?” quizzed Daisy.

“Oh yes, you would,” chuckled a dark voice. Bowser stepped aside to reveal a purple humanoid creature with pointed ears, fangs, and large eyebrows.

“TATANGA?!” yelped Daisy.

“Greetings, my little flower,” chuckled the alien, Tatanga. “I see you’re more proactive in trying to deal with people like me.”

“It serves my people, given our usual environment,” declared Daisy.

“Serves your people?” scoffed Tatanga. “Tripe if I ever heard it! Rulers don’t serve the people; the people serve rulers!”

“Your culture sounds pretty backwards!” snarled Daisy.

“Backwards?!” thundered Tatanga, offended. “Mine is the most advanced in the universe!”

“Tatanga, whatever plan you have, it must stop!” called Terraxila.

“And Ignisarix’s friends arrive,” chuckled Tatanga. “Good, I so wanted all of the Elemental Knights here.” Tatanga then pulled a man in red out from behind him and tossed him towards the Heroes. He looked bloody and bruised.

“Ignisarix!” yelped Ventarix. The Knights dashed towards him to help. The man, Ignisarix, opened his eyes weakly.

“The…the stars…” he gasped.

“Don’t talk, you’re hurt!” begged Aqualixar. She then summoned water and used it to run all over the wounds.

“Deal with the Heroes,” Tatanga directed the four Villains. “I will brook no opposition. Make sure you take their Elemental Stars. We must keep at least one of each type.” He then left through a portal.

“Bowser, you’ve gone too far!” declared Mario.

“What can you do against me now?” laughed Bowser. “Me and my friends gained new powers to crush you!” He then adopted a ready stance like that of one found in Northern Shaolin style. Ganondorf, Dedede, and Ridley adopted stances from the remaining Knight’s fighting styles as well, giving Aqualixar a nasty idea.

“What did Tatanga teach you?!” she demanded.

“Why, how to harness the elements, of course!” laughed Ganondorf. “We’ve learned to master all four of them!”

“Your affinity is too dark to master them!” argued Ventarix. “You couldn’t handle that kind of power!”

“I AM power!” replied Ganondorf before he lashed out with a water whip. The Heroes ducked as the Villains attacked, using the elements to enhance their attacks. Bowser retreated into his shell, spun around and projected fire from the openings, and moved quickly towards the Heroes. Mario and Luigi moved aside, trying to avoid the attack. Ridley simply fired air blast after air blast, buffeting the Heroes with terrible winds. Dedede hammered the ground and created sharp spikes beneath the Heroes’ feet to throw them off balance. Ganondorf slung water into the Heroes’ faces, causing them to cough to try and get water out of their lungs.

“That…is…ENOUGH!” roared Andrew as he took out his Krak-on Roller and activated its old ability, the Kraken Squid Form. This form, however, looked different. While he was a massive squid, he was making deep trenches in the earth as he spun. The sudden tremors caused the Villains to lose their balance. Samus then automatically moved like Aqualixar to lash out with water. Rosalina then spun to make a small tornado to bring Ridley down. Mario then held back the fire erupting from Bowser’s shell and turned it against all the Villains. Ignisarix then stood up, fully healed. He then showed off a greater mastery of fire by putting out Bowser’s flames, then launching fire from the ground to beat the Villains back.

“We cannot win in these conditions! Retreat!” called Ganondorf as he summoned a portal to wherever their base of operations was. The Heroes panted as they looked around, confirming that the battle was over. Zelda then collapsed.

“We failed,” she mumbled. “We’ll never get started properly! We’ll never be able to piece together the story of the Elemental Princesses!”

“What’s the big deal?” asked Ventarix. “That book can be fixed.”

“It’s ashes!” protested Link. “I doubt even your fire friend can fix it!”

“Not alone, no,” replied Ignisarix. “But, with my fellow Knights and an Elemental Star of each type, we can bring it back, even update it with current information.”

“…Do you have the Fire Star?” asked Donkey Kong. “Because we’ve got the other three Elemental Stars.”

“They could touch them safely as well,” recalled Terraxila. “Given that a few of them just discovered that they could use the elements, I’d say that explains why.”

“But that was an accident,” replied Andrew.

“Perhaps,” remarked Ignisarix, “but accidents like that tend to show that you have the affinity towards the Elements.”

“So, what, that means we can use the elements like you?” asked Daisy.

“That’s part of the meaning,” answered Ventarix. “The other part is that each of you can use all four elements.”

“…All four of them?” repeated Peach.

“But, first, we need to fix the book,” declared Ignisarix. He then pulled out a red star. “Now, we need to find the rest.”

“Not really,” countered Rosalina as the Heroes pulled out the other Elemental Stars.

“Then repairs will be made,” chuckled Ignisarix. The Elemental Stars were given to the Knights and they took the ruined book in their hands.

“With this spell declared,” the Knights chanted, “let this knowledge be repaired!” The stars then glowed a bright white as they orbited the book, taking it high into the air and making it glow. The lights then combined and glowed brighter than ever. The light then died down and the book was looking much better as it floated down. The cover was brown with gold trim and each of the Elemental Stars laid into it.

“All fixed and updated,” declared Terraxila.

“So, what’s next?” asked Luigi.

“We read,” answered Rosalina as she opened the book and read it aloud. “‘Water, earth, fire, air. Long ago, the four Elemental Princesses, masters of the elements, considered each other a friend and ruled the cosmos in harmony with each other. Then, everything changed when a Palndrani from the Fire Princess’ sector of space named Tatanga set his plan into motion and attacked! Planting lies in the heads of each Princess, he quickly sowed discord throughout the universe and started kidnapping other princesses, hoping to find the one that would grant him the power of the stars, thus giving him a direct path to the elements. Only a group of 18 Heroes, Masters of all four elements, could stop them. But, when the universe needed them most, they vanished. When the Princesses closed their borders, Tatanga neared victory. But, 31 years ago, he lost his chance and so pursued another plan.’”

“Mario, we met Tatanga 31 years ago,” reminded Daisy.

“Yeah,” recalled Mario. “I guess beating him back had more of an effect than I thought.”

“…You beat Tatanga back?!” yelped Ventarix.

“How?!” inquired Terraxila. “It would take an entire fleet to beat him back!”

“Well, if the story was right and he was looking for a princess that was blessed by the stars,” mused Daisy, “he got the wrong one. That’s Peach here. I was blessed AFTER that incident. He never showed his face until today.”

“Then he botched his original plan,” realized Ignisarix. “He’s desperate enough gaining the Elemental Grand Stars!”

“That’s not good,” gulped Rosalina before she continued reading. “‘The Princesses, as guardians of the most powerful of Elemental Stars, the Elemental Grand Stars, held power beyond what any mortal would dare dream of. They had all sworn to their respective parents to never let the Elemental Grand Stars come together unless in the direst of circumstances. Tatanga didn’t heed the warnings and launched a plan to bring the Elemental Grand Stars together to become the absolute ruler of all. He would have the power to do so as he is one of a few to learn how to use all four elements so quickly. Unfortunately, that is because his affinity for the elements is dark as he believes light to be too blinding.’”

“Dark can be just as bad,” remarked Diddy Kong.

“‘Only with the Heroes and the fully powered Knights of the Elements can restore balance to the universe,’” Rosalina read on, “‘but, after the Knights pleaded with the Princesses to restore contact with one another, they were exiled and their Armor Rings scattered across space. One may only hope that the Princesses will see sense.’ My friends, you were exiled?!”

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you,” answered Terraxila, “but we had barely any resources when we were told to leave our sectors of space. We couldn’t scrounge up enough equipment to tell you.”

“I’m sorry that you had to suffer that way,” sympathized Rosalina. “If you want sanctuary, the Comet Observatory is more than welcome to have you.” That was when she got an idea. “…In fact, the Observatory may JUST be what we need to stop the Villains.”

“Rosalina, not to sound rude or anything,” interjected Luigi, “but, while it IS big, the Observatory isn’t exactly accommodating for all of us, especially with four new friends.”

“Wait a sec!” called Ventarix.

“Oh, yeah,” realized Rosalina. “Even if we added the Starship Mario, that’s still not enough for all of us.”

“All of us?!” repeated Ventarix.

“Come now, Rosalina,” remarked Aqualixar, “you didn’t think the Villains would force us to this place, would you?”

“Remember the Observatories you helped us build?” reminded Ignisarix.

“Of course!” realized Rosalina. “They can link up to the Comet Observatory and we can get star maps of each sectors’ galaxies!”

“Hang on!” argued Ventarix.

“And, with the Starship Mario,” offered Mario, “we can add more galaxies and have a bigger map of the universe!”

“You lot aren’t coming with us!” shouted Ventarix.

“Oh, yes they are!” argued Terraxila. “Their archenemies are working with Tatanga and the Red one has done battle with him once and survived! They ARE coming with us.”

“Let’s put it to a vote!” declared Ventarix. “All those in favor of getting this done without deadweight, say aye! Aye! All against?”

“Nay!” called her fellow Knights.

“Looks like we’re NOT leaving them behind!” remarked Ignisarix. Ventarix rolled her eyes.

“Then it’s settled!” declared Rosalina. “We shall unite the Observatories and the Starship Mario to act as our base of operations!” She waved her wand and the Heroes and Knights disappeared in a beam of light.

Ganondorf played a large pipe organ in the Villains’ main base of operations. He was really into playing his haunting music as he failed to notice Tatanga enter the room. He only stopped when he was tapped on the shoulder. “Ah, enjoying this?” Ganondorf asked. “It’s my own composition.”

“That fight was ridiculous and appalling!” snarled Tatanga. “You failed to stop the Heroes!”

“I fail to see the issue,” remarked Ganondorf as he took a chalice of a crimson liquid. “We destroyed the book AND ruined their only chance to get any advantage over us.”

I destroyed the book,” corrected Tatanga as Ganondorf drank, “and the issue is that you failed to take the Elemental Stars! Now that book is repaired, and the Heroes most likely have a means of pursuing us across the universe! Ganondorf, I’m going to replace you!” Ganondorf spat out his drink at the news.

“You can’t replace me!” he spluttered. “I’m the only one worthy enough to be second in command!”

“Ganondorf, you have never been more wrong,” growled Tatanga. “Allow me to present your replacement, King Bowser Koopa!” Bowser then stomped in.

“How’s it hanging, Ganny?” laughed the Koopa King. “Looks like you’re taking orders from ME this time, not the other way around!”

“I have to take orders from this lout?!” protested Ganondorf.

“He DOES have a record of taking Power Stars,” replied Tatanga.

“They’re quite different from the Elemental Stars!” argued Ganondorf.

“Oddly enough, Power Stars can be found all over the universe,” answered Tatanga. “Heck, one of the Heroes uses Power Stars to fuel her Observatory. The Elemental Stars are nothing more than Power Stars that utilize the Elements.”

“And we’re already finding other Elemental Stars after a little tweaking of the sensors,” reported Bowser. “We’re ready to claim them.”

“Then let’s do so!” declared Tatanga. “Order our fleet to move out!”

“As you wish, Tatanga,” replied Bowser. As they moved to the door, Bowser couldn’t resist a parting shot towards Ganondorf. “Sorry, Ganny,” he chuckled, “but it’s time for someone with a little military know-how to lead us to victory.” He then left.

“…Mark my words, Koopa!” growled Ganondorf, “I WILL reclaim my rightful place as your master!”

Standalones Super Mario Heroes

Super Mario Heroes: Ch 3

Ganondorf walked through the canyon that served as Kakariko Village’s southern entrance. He was dragging a man in chains behind him. Like his main foe, the man wore green. Normally, the man would be shouting at Ganondorf to release him or suffer the consequences, leading Ganondorf to scoff at the man and say that he wouldn’t be able to do much since the man was blind. Ganondorf wished the man WOULD say something, because his travelling companion, a fat, blue penguin in royal robes with the “peace” hand sign and a large hammer, would not STOP saying something, and his southern drawl was getting on Ganondorf’s last nerve. “So then, I told him, ‘If you ever talk that way to me again, you’ll be a Waddle Dee pancake and I’ll make sure there’s plenty of tasty syrup on you before I feed you to the dogs!’ The Waddle Dee then high-tailed it faster than Kirby! Hey, did I ever tell you about the time Kirby…”

“Please say something!” Ganondorf hissed to his prisoner.

“And miss out on the entertainment?” chuckled the man. “No way!”

“…and I had just finished a full breakfast too, so I wasn’t…” continued the penguin.


“Hey! I was telling a story here!” snapped the penguin, King Dedede. “You know, it’s very rude to interrupt someone when they’re spinning a yarn!”

“It’s ruder still,” growled Ganondorf, “to keep talking and talking and talking! I think I just learned what being ‘talked at’ means!”

“Will you zip it?!” snarled King Dedede. “At least my talking got the people of Popstar to respect me!”

“I highly doubt that, you gluttonous hog!” retorted Ganondorf. “Unlike you, I don’t conquer things just to get to the head of an all-you-can-eat buffet!”

“Yeah, well, conquest is hardly enjoyable without a tasty reward!” argued King Dedede.

“We’ll see how you enjoy even a carrot,” growled Ganondorf, “when I slice your useless head off!”

“Oh man, if I only had popcorn!” chuckled the man.

“SHUT UP!” shouted Ganondorf.

“You wanted me to say something earlier,” giggled the man. “Now you don’t? Man, so confusing.”

“You won’t be laughing when we use the Elemental Princesses’ power to control this universe!” growled Ganondorf.

“You can’t even control the Elemental Stars yet!” laughed the man. “What makes you think you can control the Princesses?”

“Oh, we have our ways,” chuckled Ganondorf darkly. “Dedede, would take over dragging him? …Dedede?” Ganondorf then looked to King Dedede to see the penguin distracted by his foot. “Dedede, will you PLEASE pay attention?!” snapped Ganondorf.

“I am,” replied King Dedede. “My corn hurts. It must be starting to snow.”

“Your ‘corn’ must be broken, then!” snarled Ganondorf. “It’s the middle of summer! How can a hurt foot even detect snow?!” That was when a huge pile of snow landed on the two villains.

“…Ask a silly question, get a silly answer,” chuckled the man.

“Terraxila!” called Aqualixar’s voice. She and the Heroes then approached the site at top speed.

“Aqualixar!” cheered the man, Terraxila. “Thank the stars you’re here! Who’s with you? My magic glasses are gone and I can’t feel the earth all that good. My feet are covered.”

“I didn’t get all their names,” explained Aqualixar as she summoned an ice knife to cut the chains. “The names I DO know are because one rescued me and the other’s an old friend of ours.”

“I believe you recognize my voice,” called Rosalina.

“Your dulcet tones CAN’T be mistaken, Rosalina,” replied Terraxila. “Good to hear you, since I can’t see you.”

“Hold on, let me just make some new magic glasses,” declared Rosalina. She waved her wand and summoned a pair of glasses, handing them to Terraxila. He unfolded the glasses and set them onto his face. His eyes then started tracking movement.

“And there’s the old black and white vision,” sighed Terraxila happily.

“I can forge glasses that can help you see color, if you wish,” offered Rosalina.

“That won’t be necessary, old friend, but thank you,” bid Terraxila. He undid the crude shoes and stood up. “Ah, sweet earth’s touch, how I’ve missed you,” he sighed in another happy tone. The instant Terraxila was freed, Ganondorf and King Dedede freed themselves from the snow.

“How in the…?!” spluttered Ganondorf.

“I told you my corn’s never wrong!” snarled King Dedede. He then saw the Heroes. “What the?! I thought you said they couldn’t get past that goop monster without water!”

“They must have freed that woman and she assisted them!” snarled Ganondorf.

“Well, there’s always the Nightmare Enterprises monsters to deal with them!” declared Dedede. He pulled out a small stone cube, then tossed it into the air. The cube grew until it was as large as a hill. It then grew eyes, arms, and legs and glared menacingly at the Heroes.

“Blocky?!” gulped Kirby.

“Have fun, kiddoes!” laughed Dedede as he and Ganondorf made their escape.

“Kirby, you know this guy?” asked Mario. Kirby nodded. “Then you can easily swallow him, right?” Kirby shook his body side to side to indicate “no”.

“Blocky’s a living being made of earth,” groaned Terraxila. “We can’t control beings made of the elements; it would cause a painful feedback!”

“Even controlling beings that are 80% water is uncomfortable for me,” muttered Aqualixar.

“However, I think I can still beat this thing,” mused Terraxila. “Star Warrior, any advice?” Kirby then swallowed a rock and became Stone Kirby. “…Er, what good’s THAT going to do?”

“Hurl him!” called Samus. “Throw Blocky off balance!”

“Say no more!” declared Terraxila. He then employed a stance that was almost Kung Fu like and made a stone pillar to launch Stone Kirby into Blocky. Blocky was struck on his topmost edge and toppled into a large stone spike, causing both the spike and Blocky to shatter. Kirby returned to normal and cheered. “Good work, Star Warrior!” praised Terraxila. He then turned to Samus. “I take it this is a young Star Warrior, one who’s yet to master speech?”

“Bingo,” confirmed Samus.

“And your power armor,” mused Terraxila, “is that of Chozo design?”

“Yep,” answered Samus.

“Then we’ll definitely need your help, Ma’am,” declared Terraxila. “A Space Pirate by the name of Ridley has taken Ventarix, the Knight of Air, as his hostage.” Under her suit’s helmet, Samus’ eyes went wide at the name of Ridley.

“…How long?!” she whispered in a dangerous tone. “…How long have I got to fight that mutant dragon?!”

“Then you two have a history,” realized Terraxila.

“We’ve all faced him once or twice,” interjected Mario, “Samus having the most encounters out of all of us.”

“Well, Ridley’s holding my fellow knight in a town outside this world’s castle,” explained Terraxila.

“Castle Town!” realized Link.

“My people!” called Zelda. “Hurry, everyone!”

“Wait, we need the…!” yelped Donkey Kong.

“Got a green star here!” replied Luigi. Terraxila goggled in shock.

“H…How did you not…?!” he gulped. “I mean…you should be a stone statue after touching the Earth Star!”

“That was my reaction when they all safely touched a Water Star!” answered Aqualixar.

“Could you lot be…the Legendary Heroes?” mused Terraxila. He then shook his head. “Never mind. Let’s go!” The Heroes then took off, with Zelda and Link leading the way to Castle Town.

A giant, winged creature, looking like a cross between a Western Dragon and a Pterodactyl, held a woman in cyan clothing in his grasp and looked down at Ganondorf and Dedede. “What was THAT all about?!” snapped the creature. “You just threw a giant block in the Heroes’ way?!”

“What are you complaining about, Ridley, you turkey?!” argued Dedede. “Blocky can hold them off!”

“How many times did Kirby beat him?!” thundered the creature, Ridley. “You do know what the clinical definition of insanity is?!”

“Blocky’s been upgraded!” snapped Dedede. “He’ll beat Kirby this time!”

“With his current allies?!” argued Ridley.

“Good grief, and people call ME a windbag,” muttered the woman in his grasp. Ridley clenched his fist, nearly crushing the woman.

“Personally, I can’t wait to pop you like a zit!” snarled Ridley. “Your blood will make a nice decoration to the ground!”

“Save your sadism,” advised Ganondorf. “It looks like you were right, Ridley.”

“Why’s Ridley right?!” argued Dedede. Ganondorf said nothing, he just pointed to the Heroes running up to them. “…Those Heroes are just like taxes; they just don’t know when to stop!”

“Let me handle this,” directed Ridley. He stomped forward and brandished the woman. “Not one more step, Heroes!”

“Or what, monster?!” snarled Samus.

“Or I crush this woman and her entrails litter the ground as your mother’s did on K-2L!” replied Ridley.

“How many times must I kill you?!” growled Samus as she readied her arm cannon.

“Oh, Samus, I am eternal!” bragged Ridley. “Let’s see, how many names did I get? There’s just Ridley, Meta Ridley, Omega Ridley, Little Birdie, Neo Ridley, heck, I might as well be called Cyclone Ridley now!” He then revealed the cybernetic implant on his chest. Inside a small dome was a cyan star.

“Ventarix, don’t worry!” called Aqualixar to the woman in Ridley’s grip. “We’ll get you down!”

“Take your time,” snarked the woman, Ventarix.

“It’s clear that the Air Star is powering him right now,” observed Terraxila. “We must break the implant and…”

“He’s mine!” shouted Samus as she morphed into a metal ball and rolled up the side of a house, then unfurled and fired her arm cannon at the implant. The shot hit and Ridley roared in rage, dropping Ventarix.

“Thank you, Ma’am,” bid Ventarix as Samus continued firing on Ridley. Ridley took to the air as Ganondorf and Dedede personally fought the other Heroes. Ventarix looked up to Ridley and decided on her actions. Utilizing moves that were like the Baguazhang style of martial arts, Ventarix created a vacuum bubble and maneuvered it around Ridley’s head. It was then that Ridley felt his breath being sucked out of his lungs! Ridley lost concentration and plummeted to the ground, desperately trying to regain his breath. Unbeknownst to Ventarix, Dedede saw the whole thing. He rushed to the rescue by swinging his hammer into her side, making her lose concentration.

“Now what, I say, WHAT was that all about?!” he ranted as Ventarix recovered from the blow. “Ridley may be a space monster, but even he can’t hold his breath forever! He ain’t someone who can breathe in space! He’s gotta have air, like you and me! His lungs crave air! You gotta think of things like that!”

“I did!” hissed Ventarix. “That’s why I declared myself his Angel of Death!”

“You can’t kill him!” protested Dedede. “You heroes have moral codes!”

“I’m a knight, not a hero!” snarled Ventarix as she adopted a ready stance. “I’ll do whatever it takes to protect my ruler, even in exile!”

“You’re a nice girl,” muttered Dedede as he readied his hammer, “but you’ve got more nerve than a bum tooth.” The two then dueled. For a man of his bulk, Dedede was surprisingly fast, never giving Ventarix the chance to take his breath. They soon entered the battle between Ridley, Ganondorf, and the Heroes. Ridley’s implant had cracked where it held the Air Star. Samus saw it and readied a shot. She fired and the implant exploded, damaging Ridley and causing the star to fly out of the implant, into Daisy’s hands. Ventarix was amazed at how Daisy could safely handle the star.

“How is that…?!” she gasped before Dedede knocked her into a building. He then rejoined Ganondorf and Ridley.

“I don’t wish to sound like a coward,” gulped Dedede, “but we’re all starting to look like two miles of bad road! We better head for the hills!”

“Are you kidding?!” snarled Ridley. “The Air Knight tried to kill me! I won’t rest until her blood coats my teeth!”

“Enough!” shouted Ganondorf. “We will consolidate our power at the castle! The book is still the goal! Retreat!” He and Dedede hopped onto Ridley’s back and spurred him on.

“I’m not a horse, you know!” grumbled Ridley as he took off in the direction of the castle.

“We have to go after them and put them in the ground for…!” Ventarix didn’t get far as she was splashed with a tremendous amount of water. She spluttered, then glared at Aqualixar. “…Explanations?” she hissed.

“We all swore an oath!” snarled Aqualixar. “We will not kill anyone unless it’s absolutely necessary!”

“What’s gotten into you?!” snapped Terraxila. “You wouldn’t hurt a fly normally!”

“After I heard that my Princess was being targeted,” replied Ventarix, “I had to put aside my personal feelings and do what I needed to do to protect her.”

“What, by giving the enemy a way out?!” argued Aqualixar.

“No one will have closure if you kill them!” continued Terraxila.

“Far be it for me to interrupt,” called Rosalina, “but we DO have a mission to complete.”

“She’s right,” agreed Zelda. “There’s a book we need and it’s at the castle! We MUST retrieve it to stop our nemeses!”

“…You know them?” asked Ventarix. The Heroes nodded. “…Very well, I will accompany you.”

“Good, but no killing!” declared Mario. “Your friends are right.”

“Very well,” grunted Ventarix. The Heroes then dashed towards Hyrule Castle.

Standalones Super Mario Heroes

Super Mario Heroes: Ch 2

“The first question then becomes,” mused Marie, “where do we start?” The heroes stopped in their tracks when they realized they had no foggy idea where to begin.

“Well, er…” stammered Mario.

“I’d say we start by learning more about the Elemental Princesses,” answered Zelda. “During the passing of a comet, a book landed in the gardens of Hyrule Castle. My father took it in and had his people translate it, since the language used was an ancient one.”

“…Funny,” muttered Rosalina, “I lost a book on the Elemental Princesses a while ago. I have other books on the individual Princesses, but the knowledge would be confusing without the book I lost. Perhaps we should start in Hyrule Castle and see if Zelda’s book is the same one I lost.”

“Then let’s get to Hyrule Castle!” declared Mario. “Link, you’ve still got that flute thing, right?”

“The Ocarina of Time?” asked Link. “Yeah, but…”

“Then take us to Hyrule Castle!” interrupted Peach.

“BUT,” continued Link, “I never learned any song that could warp us to the castle directly. I can get us to the nearest area, Kakariko Village, but that’s about it.”

“Oh, yeah,” winced Zelda. “That song was lost a long time ago. That’s why I never taught you it.”

“Well then, I guess we’re walking to Hyrule Castle,” sighed Samus.

“Link, if you please,” directed Mario. Link pulled out a blue ocarina and put it to his lips. He then played a haunting song and the whole group vanished in light.

The heroes reappeared in front of a small alcove in a graveyard, leading to a temple. Zelda shuddered. “This place, the Temple of Shadow, was NEVER a good part of Hyrule’s history,” she gulped.

“Why’s that?” asked Marie.

“This was where the Hyrule Royal family tortured its enemies,” explained Zelda.

“…Torture?!” gulped Peach.

“My ancestors were savages,” remarked Zelda.

“This way!” called Link. He led everyone out of the graveyard and towards Kakariko Village. As they walked, everyone noticed that the villagers were watching them.

“…Are they…usually this suspicious?” asked Donkey Kong.

“No,” replied Link. “Something’s not right.”

“WHAT THE?!” yelped Mario. He ripped a poster off a home’s wall. The poster was a wanted poster with Mario’s face!

“What in the name of Hylia…?” muttered Zelda. She turned to a little girl. “What crime has my friend committed?” she asked.

“Some friend!” snapped the girl. “Why are you friends with someone who keeps painting graffiti?!”

“How is that possible?” asked Zelda. “Mario was in the Mushroom Kingdom with me this whole time.”

“With all due respect, Your Highness,” called the girl’s mother, “you are being deceived. We all saw this…Mario character using some sort of paintbrush to spread goop of various colors across the village!”

“Not again,” sighed Mario.

“Ma’am, I can personally promise you,” assured Peach, “Mario was nowhere near your village!”

“DOGGONE VANDAL!” called an old man as he stumbled up to the heroes. “I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish, but this graffiti nonsense must stop! People are sinking into the goop! I tell you, if you don’t…!” The old man stopped as he peered closer to Mario. “Wait a minute, shouldn’t you be a shadow person?”

“Shadow person?” asked Daisy.

“Yeah, and where’s his brush?” quizzed the old man.

“Sir, we have reason to believe,” answered Zelda, “that someone’s impersonating Mario.”

“And we have a good idea who,” supplied Mario.

“We do?” asked Link.

“There was a similar situation back in my world on an island called Isle Delfino,” explained Mario. “Bowser Jr. stole a brush from a scientist, Professor Elvin Gadd, and disguised himself as me to pollute the island and cause the island’s guardians, the Shine Sprites, to vanish.”

“You think Bowser Jr.’s trying again?” guessed Rosalina.

“It sounds like it,” replied Mario.

“Then we need to stop him!” declared Diddy Kong.

“Everyone, we WILL handle this crisis, I promise!” Zelda assured the villagers.

“HELP!” called an old woman. “THE GOOP’S MADE A MONSTER!”

“Proto Piranha!” yelped Mario.

“Where’s the monster?!” called Link as he drew his sword.

“By the windmill!” replied the old woman.

“Come on!” called Link. The heroes dashed to the windmill and found a mound of green and yellow goop with a large tendril in the center with a pair of jaws on the end. Villagers were throwing what they could at the monster, the Proto Piranha, but nothing affected the thing. It just shrugged the attacks off. The Heroes turned to Mario for guidance.

“The only thing that defeats it,” he explained, “is a steady stream of water into its mouth.”

“A pity you don’t have that F.L.U.D.D. device,” taunted a voice. At that moment, the Shadow Mario that the old man talked about stepped forward. He held the brush in his hand as if it were a sword.

“Bowser Jr., this nonsense must stop!” declared Peach.

“I had flashbacks from Isle Delfino!” supplied Mario. Shadow Mario laughed.

“I figured you would,” he purred. “That tape didn’t achieve my desired effect, but, then again, I suppose it was to be expected.”

“…Bowser Jr.?” asked Mario. Shadow Mario wasn’t talking like a child.

“I suppose that assumption has merit, but no, I’m not Bowser’s son,” replied Shadow Mario. A dark cloud surrounded him and shrouded him. It soon faded to reveal…

“GANONDORF?!” called Link and Zelda.

“Good to see you, my friends,” greeted Ganondorf.

“How did you get that brush?!” demanded Peach.

“Bowser Jr. loaned it to me,” explained Ganondorf. “In exchange, I taught him how to use a few spells. He became quite proficient in them.”

“Ganondorf, listen!” called Mario. “That brush is a Gadd device! It was never meant to bring harm!”

“Anything can be a weapon,” remarked Ganondorf. “Now, I know you’re trying to fill in the gaps of your knowledge concerning the Elemental Princesses, so I intend to burn that particular book. I would wish you farewell, but that would be counterproductive to the reason I made the Proto Piranha in the first place. At least TRY to put up a fight without F.L.U.D.D.” Ganondorf then vanished in a cloud of black and purple smoke.

“This is bad!” groaned Mario. “The only thing that can defeat a Proto Piranha is a steady stream of water shot into its open mouth! You’d have to do it three times!”

“Maybe the Song of Storms will help!” suggested Link.

“He said STEADY stream,” reminded Zelda.

“Besides, that would really hurt us!” called Pearl.

“Well, we have to do SOMETHING!” argued Link. “We can’t just…!” That was when the Proto Piranha fired a stream of goop from its mouth!

“That’s new!” yelped Peach.

“They never did that before?!” called Donkey Kong.

“Guys!” shouted Diddy Kong. “There’s someone trapped in the goop!” The Heroes could make out a tuft of something blue and hair-like poking out of the goop surrounding the Proto Piranha.

“Now we REALLY need to clean up the mess!” groaned Luigi.

“I have an idea!” called Daisy. She then turned to the villagers. “Everyone! We need buckets of water! We have to clean the goop here!” The villagers wasted no time in collecting water. While Daisy organized the water efforts, the rest of the Heroes did what they could to keep the Proto Piranha distracted. Samus activated her power suit and fired her arm cannon. Unfortunately, the Proto Piranha shrugged it off.

“Good grief, even energy blasts?!” protested Samus. Daisy had gotten the villagers to clear away the goop so she could pull whoever was in there out of it. As she reached into the goop and grabbed the person, a sense of filthiness ripped through her.

“Ugh, GROSS!” she gagged. She then took deep breaths. “Okay, here goes!” She got a hold of the person and pulled them out. While dirty, one could see that the person was a plump woman with blue hair and clothes and a currently disgusted expression on her face.

“Water!” she gulped in disgust. Daisy got her a bucket of water. The woman then moved her arm in a fluid fashion. The water in the bucket then floated out and hovered over the woman. The woman then stopped her arm and the water just splashed onto her, getting rid of the goop. The woman sighed in relief. “Much better,” she whispered. “My thanks, Ms. …erm…I’m sorry, I don’t know your name.”

“Hi, I’m Daisy!” Daisy replied on instinct. “…Really gotta work on that. Anyway, are you one of the Elemental Princesses?”

“I wish,” chuckled the woman. “I’m just her teacher. Though, I’m no less powerful than her.”

“Well, if you’re a master of water, we could use you,” explained Daisy.

“Daisy, are you done talking to her?!” protested Callie.

“She’s the Water Princess’ teacher!” called Daisy. “I think she may be just what we need to get rid of that thing!”

“I’ve done battle with it before,” replied the woman. “I was unsuccessful.”

“Well, the Proto Piranha,” explained Mario, “needs a steady stream of water shot into its mouth three times before it melts and evaporates.”

“In that case, round 2 will be infinitely better,” declared the woman. She used the remaining water buckets as her weapon, using fighting moves resembling Tai Chi to control where the water went. The woman waited until the Proto Piranha opened its mouth to spew goop before launching a steady stream of water. The instant the water entered its mouth, the Proto Piranha roared.

“That’s it! Again!” cheered Mario, feeling a sense of progress. The woman struck again at the Proto Piranha’s open mouth, making it roar. “One more will do it!” called Mario. The woman struck the open mouth for the final blow and the Proto Piranha gave off a death rattle before the mouth and neck collapsed into its mound body and the mound of goop evaporated, taking all the graffiti with it. The windmill then appeared before a small blue star with a pair of eyes appeared.

“A Water Star!” breathed the woman. “So, they’re taking the Elemental Stars too. Smart, they’re starting their plan on the right path.”

“Water Star?” quizzed Daisy.

“Can’t say as I’ve heard of it,” rumbled Donkey Kong as he reached for the star.

“Wait!” yelped the woman. “Don’t touch it! It will…!” Donkey Kong took the star into his hand and examined it. Every Hero got a chance to touch it and examine it. “…turn you into…water?” mumbled the woman, finishing her warning weakly. “…Impossible! I thought only the Legendary Heroes and my other Knight friends could…I mean, unless you were…but you CAN’T be!”

“What are you talking about?” asked Link. The woman shook her head.

“Never mind,” she declared. “We must save my fellow Knights! There are a group of people wishing to kidnap our Princesses and they’ve incapacitated us all!”

“Those people are our main nemeses, Aqualixar” explained Rosalina.

“Rosalina,” chuckled the woman. “It has been too long! These are your friends?”

“In every sense of the word,” replied Rosalina. She then turned to the Heroes. “Everyone, I’d like you to meet Aqualixar, the Knight of Water from the Blue Galaxy Sector of the universe.”

“I’d ask for your names, but my fellow Knights are in danger,” continued Aqualixar. “We MUST rescue them! They’re being held along the way to this world’s castle!”

“That’s all part of the job for us!” declared Mario. “Let’s-a go!”

“Follow me!” called Link. He led everyone out of the village.

Standalones Super Mario Heroes

Super Mario Heroes: Ch 1

A blonde man in a green tunic and hat swung his sword at a wooden dummy. He usually kept his skills up to par as he didn’t want any surprises from his usual enemy. As he practiced, he heard a woman politely clear her throat. He turned around to see his beloved princess standing outside his training field. “Princess Zelda!” called the man. “What can I do for you?”

“One of my royal friends has organized a party,” explained Zelda. “I was wondering if you would be my plus one, Link.”

“Come on, you know I’m not so good with parties,” groaned Link. “Besides, Ganondorf’s been a little too quiet and I need to figure out why.”

“I think THIS particular party will make you forget Ganondorf safely,” mused Zelda as she showed him her invitation. The symbol made Link think for a second.

“…Then again, I haven’t seen him since the Ultimate Smash Tourney,” remarked Link. “…All right! I’m in!”

Two squids and an octopus arrived at a landing site after launching themselves with tons of ink pressure. After landing, the cephalopods morphed and changed into humanoid creatures with tentacles for hair. The octopus was a girl with her tentacles’ suckers facing out while the squids, a boy and a girl, had smooth tentacles. They approached another octopus girl and three squid girls. “Agent 1, Agent 2,” greeted the squid boy.

“Andrew, I thought I told you we’re using our names,” remarked a squid girl in a kimono.

“Apologies, Marie,” replied Agent 3 gruffly.

“Hi Callie! Hi Marie!” called Agent 4, the squid girl.

“Hi, Bella!” called the long-haired squid girl, Callie.

“Greetings, Pearl, Marina,” greeted the octopus girl, Agent 8.

“Hello, Octavia,” returned the other octopus girl Marina.

“So, what’s the sitch?” asked the last squid girl, Pearl.

“We all got invited,” explained Marie, “to a party with your new Smash friends.”

“A party?” asked Andrew. “What for?”

“See for yourself,” replied Marie as she showed the New Squidbeak Splatoon the invitation. Their eyes goggled when they read the invitation.

“Oh, we’ve gotta go!” begged Bella.

“I agree,” affirmed Octavia, “let us go!”

“Eh, why not?” mused Andrew.

An armored bounty hunter sat by her ship. After a long, tedious mission from the federation, she couldn’t wait to just do nothing for a while. Unfortunately, Samus Aran, the hunter, couldn’t do nothing for long before thinking about her late parents, both biological and adopted. While she thought, her armor’s computer told her that her ship received a message. Samus rolled her eyes. “Just ONE vacation!” she hissed before entering her ship. She made it to the controls and opened her messages, reading the newest one before she relaxed slightly. “You know, that might JUST be what the doctor ordered,” she mused to herself.

A giant, brown-furred gorilla in a red tie snoozed in his hammock. He was enjoying a nice nap after a large banana lunch. His hammock gently rocked as he listened to the waves gently crash against the shore of his home island. He slept soundly…until a monkey in a red shirt and baseball cap kicked the door in. “HEY! DONKEY!” called the monkey. “WE’RE INVITED!” The gorilla, Donkey Kong, yelped and his hammock spun him around a few times before dumping him onto the floor, HARD! The monkey, Donkey Kong’s best friend, Diddy Kong, seemed slightly oblivious to Donkey’s accident. “Oh man, this is such a huge milestone!” cheered Diddy. “I wonder how big the cake’s gonna be?! Ooh! You think they’ll have bananas?! Maybe New Donk City’s…!” Donkey picked Diddy up by the tail and held him in the air.

“Diddy, what ARE you talking about?” grunted Donkey.

“We got an invitation to a party this morning!” explained Diddy as he handed Donkey the invitation. Donkey set Diddy down and read the invite.

“…Like I wanna miss this!” he decided. “Get yourself washed up, Diddy! We’re DEFINITELY going!”

A small pink ball with large feet, big eyes, and a mouth strolled through the meadow of his home. He didn’t have any major threats to deal with, so he could just enjoy the day. As he strolled, someone ran up to him. “Poyo?” quizzed the pink creature.

“Kirby! There you are!” gasped the person as he caught his breath. “Got a message for you!” He pulled the message out of his postman’s sack and handed it to the creature, Kirby. Kirby opened the message as the person left. He smiled wide when he read the contents and summoned a warp star.

A woman in a pale blue dress walked around her observatory, contemplating the choices she made to become the guardian of the cosmos. Rosalina, the woman, watched the stars as they danced by her home, the Comet Observatory. As she looked, she felt a sense of boredom. When the stars are your backyard, that’s all they are, a backyard. Rosalina sighed. “I hope you and your special someone are all right,” she whispered.

“Mama!” called a star with eyes, a Luma. Rosalina snapped out of her thoughts and focused on the Luma.

“Yes, Lumeeli?” she asked.

“We got a transmission inviting us to a party! Look who it’s from!” urged the Luma, Lumeeli. Rosalina checked the main monitor and saw the message’s address.

“…That long?” she mused. “Well, we’ve been an important part in his life. Polari, set course for the Mushroom World!”

A woman in a yellow dress with orange trim sat on her throne, after listening to various cases. While she enjoyed being a princess and helping the people, it got tiring. One of her guards then entered the throne room. “Well?” asked the woman, Princess Daisy.

“A man in green has approached the gate,” explained the guard. “He seems to carry himself like a plumber and…”

“LUIGI!” cheered Daisy. “Let him in!”

“My lady, I fail to see your infatuation with a commoner…” the guard trailed off as he noticed his princess’s mood turn sour at the comment. “…Er, then again, it’s not my place to question your heart,” he gulped. “I’ll just…go get him.” He dashed out of the room.

“Smart,” remarked Daisy. She sat for a few seconds until a voice came through the throne room.

“H-Hello?” stammered the voice. A plumber in green then entered the room and stepped forward for a few steps until Daisy leapt off the throne and tackled him into a bear hug.

“LUIGI!” she cheered as she squeezed the plumber, Luigi.

“N…Nice to…see you…too!” gasped Luigi. Daisy then released the younger Mario brother, letting him catch his breath.

“What are you doing here?” asked Daisy. “I mean, not that I don’t mind seeing you, but I didn’t summon you here.”

“I came here to deliver a message to you,” explained Luigi. He handed her a letter. Daisy read the letter to herself, then her eyes widened.

“…He’s been doing this for THAT long?!” gasped Daisy. “He definitely deserves a party! You better believe I’m coming! We’ll take my plane!”

“I guess I’ll…” sighed Luigi.

“Oh no, I said WE!” declared Daisy. “You’re coming with me!”

“R…Really?” stammered Luigi.

“Yeah! You’re my boyfriend, right?” asked Daisy.

“Well, yeah, but…” gulped Luigi.

“Then it’s settled!” declared Daisy.

A short plumber in red walked towards a castle. He had gotten a summons from his home’s princess and was confused at how short it was. “Did I do something wrong?” he pondered to himself. He approached the main gate after crossing the bridge over the moat.

“Ah, Mario!” greeted the guard, a Toad with a spear. “Her Highness, Princess Peach, is expecting you. Please come in.” The Toad opened the gate and the plumber, Mario, entered the castle. He was led to the main ballroom. It was dark inside.

“Hello?” asked Mario. The lights suddenly came on and Mario gasped. Princess Peach, Luigi, and all their friends appeared from behind a large cake!

“SURPRISE!” everyone called.

“What in…?!” yelped Mario.

“HAPPY 35th, MARIO!” everyone cheered.

“But I’m not 35!” gulped Mario.

“No,” replied Peach, “but you’ve been fighting Bowser and other various evils for 35 years.”

“…It’s been THAT long?” realized Mario. “Mama Mia!”

“Just think,” chuckled Donkey Kong, “ages ago, you and I were fighting over Pauline!”

“How IS Pauline, by the way?” asked Peach. “I haven’t seen her since I went on my world tour after Bowser tried to marry me on the moon.”

“She’s doing all right,” replied Mario.

“I’m surprised she’s not here,” mused Donkey Kong.

“She had to decline,” explained Peach sadly. “Her city’s in a power crisis.”

“I thought New Donk City got its Power Moons back,” remarked Mario.

“Something or someone’s leeching off Power Moons,” answered Peach.

“Yikes,” winced Mario.

“I’ve already offered assistance,” assured Peach, “I just haven’t gotten a reply. Oh well, enough of that, this is a party for you!”

“Speech!” called Link.

“Link!” protested Zelda. Too late, the call for a speech was taken up. Mario thought about a small speech for a few seconds before holding his hand up for quiet.

“Miei amici,” he began, “it’s really an honor to be around friends and family. Before Luigi and I came to this world, we were Brooklyn plumbers who had a few jobs. At that time, I had met Donkey Kong and he kidnapped my then-girlfriend, Pauline.

“I still remember the barrels you kept leaping over,” snickered Donkey Kong.

“Then, after saving her,” continued Mario, “Luigi had quite a job that opened our eyes to this world. I think you remember that job, Luigi!”

“I had Shellcreepers, Sidesteppers, and Fighter Flies coming out of those pipes!” grumbled Luigi.

“So THAT’S where the song came from!” realized Daisy.

“Please, NO!” wailed Luigi. Too late, nothing was stopping Daisy from singing.

Something’s gumming up the plumbing,

Poor Luigi’s in a bind!

Giant turtles out to get him,

Creepy crabs are right behind!

Fighter Flies, jeepers, yikes!

They’re all coming out the pipes!

Mario, where are you?!”

“And someone used the theme for an old sitcom to make that song,” mused Mario. Luigi grumbled as Mario continued. “That incident, though, led us to this world. While we DID get a better plumbing job here, you guys helped me be a better person. You didn’t let me and Luigi be nameless nobodies. Yes, we’ve had our ups and downs, but I don’t see myself trading the life I’ve led so far for anything else. To friends and family!”

“To friends and family!” repeated the crowd. The party lasted well into the night, with everyone watching the old cartoons made about each other. Link winced when the Legend of Zelda cartoon came on. He hated how the show depicted him as a jerk and the phrase “Well, excuse me, Princess!” really got on his nerves. As the evening wound down, everyone retired to bed.

When Mario woke up, he was acutely aware of Toads screaming in a panic. “What now?!” he grumbled to himself. He put on his usual outfit and went downstairs, joining his friends.


“Which one?” asked Peach’s voice as she, Daisy, Rosalina, and Zelda came into the room. The Toads stopped panicking and looked at the princesses in confusion.

“Wait, Peach, you…WEREN’T kidnapped?” asked another Toad.

“No, I was sleeping peacefully,” answered Peach.

“But…but the tape says…” mumbled the second Toad.

“What tape?” asked Mario. He was then handed a video cassette tape with the phrase “Kidnapped Princess” on it. “…Did anyone watch it?” quizzed Mario. The room was silent.

“…Someone get a t.v. in here,” sighed Peach. A pair of Toads wheeled a t.v. into the room and Mario put the tape into the v.c.r. The tape showed a little static before it cleared to reveal…

“GANONDORF?!” yelped Link and Zelda.

“My apologies,” began Ganondorf in the video, “were you planning a relaxing time, heroes? Well, forget it! I, Ganondorf Dragmire, the King of Thieves, the Great King of Evil, the Emperor of the Dark Realm, and the Dark Lord, have made this message to have you all watch my greatest triumph! To prove, once and for all, that darkness will prevail, I will…!”

“What are you doing?!” called a voice that the Mario Brothers and their princesses knew.

“…Er, nothing, Lord Bowser,” replied Ganondorf, slightly embarrassed as Bowser stomped into view. “What are YOU doing?”

“You’re not making a video to tell our enemies,” growled Bowser, “what our plans are, are you?!”

“You presume me to be that stupid?” asked Ganondorf.

“But weren’t you going to tell the heroes about how we were gonna kidnap the Elemental Princesses?” asked the cameraman.

“Shut up!” hissed Ganondorf.

“Yeah, you were gonna tell them,” continued the cameraman, oblivious to what Ganondorf ordered, “about how you villains were gonna take the Elemental Princesses and drain them of their power and…”

“SHUT UP AND GET ANOTHER TAPE!” ordered Ganondorf.

“I don’t have any more cassette tapes,” rumbled Bowser. Ganondorf sighed as he slumped in his throne. “Ganondorf, I thought you said stealth was key! If this tape reaches the heroes, there’s a good chance they’ll beat us to the punch!”

“I understand your frustration, Lord Bowser Koopa,” grumbled Ganondorf, “but I already told your troops to make this tape and send it to our enemies! Now, if I DON’T, I’ll end up looking stupid!”

“A little late for that now, isn’t it?” grunted Bowser. Ganondorf then rose from his throne and summoned a ball of shadowy energy in each hand, growling at Bowser. “…Was that out loud?” gulped Bowser. Ganondorf fired one ball at Bowser and used it to lift the Koopa King into the air. “HELP!” cried Bowser. “I TAKE IT BACK! SEND THE TAPE! SEND THE TAPE!” Ganondorf then fired the other ball at the camera and the video ended in static.

“Elemental Princesses?” asked Daisy once the tape was ejected. “I never heard of them.”

“I have,” replied Zelda. “They command the four basic elements, water, earth, fire, and air. They keep our worlds in balance.”

“Well, if it’s the kidnapped princess business,” declared Luigi, “Mario and I are the best heroes!”

“Wait, I’ve rescued Zelda plenty of times!” argued Link.

“…You know, there’s a good point,” mused Luigi.

“Then let’s pack our bags and…” began Mario.

“Hold on!” called Donkey Kong. “Who said anything about just you guys? Diddy and I wanna come!”

“Besides, that cameraman,” remarked Marie, “said all the villains are involved.”

“Meaning you WILL need our help if it’s OUR villains,” supplied Samus. Kirby squeaked his desire to come along.

“And I’m frankly tired of the constant kidnapping and being sidelined!” proclaimed Peach. “This time, I want to save princesses!”

“…We COULD use the help,” mumbled Luigi.

“Then it’s settled!” declared Mario. “It’s time for an adventure! Let’s-a go!” He led everyone out of the castle. “HERE WE GO! SUPER MARIO HEROES!”