Optimus, Megatron, Megumi, Hiro, Arsha, and Dr. Borg had gathered in the main library of Optimusthemobian’s mansion. “I just can’t believe it,” sighed Optimus.
“What? The stay-at-home order?” asked Megatron. “You know how COVID-19 spreads.”
“Well, yes, I do, but that wasn’t what I was talking about!” snapped Optimus. “I was talking about OTM dying!”
“Well, we knew it was going to happen,” sighed Megumi. “What with DeviantArt Eclipse upending everything and angering everyone with the fact that the staff didn’t listen to the majority of people saying it was too buggy.”
“I’m just sorry my journey wasn’t completed on that site,” muttered Arsha. Just then, Petramel, his wife, Noletam, and their son, Leumas entered the room.
“Mr. Venchitak,” greeted Dr. Borg.
“Madam,” returned Petramel in a cold manner. Noletam gave a raspy growl at the sight of Dr. Borg.
“Noletam, old friend, this isn’t about prom, is it?” asked Dr. Borg.
“Mainly, yes,” snarled Noletam.
“That was when we were kids!” snapped Dr. Borg.
“You KNEW I like Carnarad!” growled Noletam.
“Er, I’m glad to see,” interrupted Leumas as he addressed the room, “that everyone’s here.”
“What’s all this?” asked Hiro.
“OTM, our author,” explained Petramel in his teaching voice, “has left my family in charge of his DA estate, should anything happen to it.”
“Given what’s going on,” continued Noletam in her own teaching voice, “he has written out a last will and testament.”
“So, as the Executors of OTM’s estate,” finished Leumas in a slightly less refined teaching voice, “we’ve been empowered to read his will.”
“Well, hurry it up!” snapped Megatron. “I have a war to win!”
“If we may all be seated,” directed Petramel, “Leumas will proceed with the reading.” As everyone sat down, Leumas produced the will, straightened his back, and began.
“‘I, Optimusthemobian,'” he read, “‘being of sound mind and body…'”
“With that paunch?!” laughed Hiro.
“…’do hereby divide my DA estate,'” continued Leumas, “‘as follows: to Optimus Prime and Megatron, the main characters of my longest running series, Transformers: Mobian Chronicles…'”
“Oh, I like where this is going,” chuckled Optimus. Megatron grinned at the praise.
“…’and also the biggest pains in my neck…'” Leumas read on.
“Wait, what?!” yelped the two bots.
“‘I mean, honestly,'” continued Leumas, “‘Optimus, you charging off after Jazz like that and exposing the Transformers’ existence to Sonic’s world with no thought to the galactic political repercussions and Megatron, you adopting a Social Darwinist attitude, both of these actions are beyond me. Why I let kids like you determine the fate of your respective factions, I’ll never know. If you knew just how much you idiots made me waste time puzzling out your motives…nevertheless, that’s all water under the bridge. To Optimus Prime and Megatron, I bequeath…a boot to the head.'”
“A WHAT?!” shouted Optimus. A boot then flew at Optimus and hit him in the head!
“Optimus, are you…?!” yelped Megatron before a boot hit him in the head.
“By the Ones!” swore Dr. Borg. Hiro just laughed.
“‘To Megumi Moody Thrill-seeker Hishikawa…'” Leumas read on.
“MOODY?!” shouted Megumi. “THRILL-SEEKER?!”
“‘What you did to X-PO was necessary,'” continued Leumas. “‘Your hesitance to talk to your own family about your problems led you to making not one, but TWO rash decisions: the first being the potential breakup of the F.N.S and the second being the suicide run on Hiro when he invaded Wyldstyle’s home. On top of that, you constantly ran the F.N.S into the ground after Vortech’s first defeat and accepted an invitation to a tournament while hunting Hiro, Megatron, and Dr. Borg’s alliance. To Megumi Hishikawa, I bequeath…a boot to the head.” A boot then hit Megumi in the head. She managed to steady herself and massaged her head.
“This is an outrage!” snapped Megumi.
“‘But, still,'” Leumas read on, “‘you’re one of my more popular characters and did ask me to retire you until Optimus and Arsha finished their adventures. Since I have no further need of any stories concerning you or the F.N.S…'”
“Finally, something good!” muttered Megumi.
“…’I bequeath…another boot to the head,'” continued Leumas. Megumi managed to block the boot’s flight path.
“Too smart for…!” another boot then hit Megumi in the head, cutting off her boasting.
“‘And one more for Optimus and Megatron,'” Leumas went on. Optimus and Megatron were hit again. “‘To Hiro Adachi, the laziest villain I’ve ever made…'”
“There’s nothing lazy about commanding a multiversal empire!” protested Hiro.
“…’who commanded a multiversal empire for all of five years,'” continued Leumas, “‘until he just let it collapse…'”
“That was THEIR fault! Not mine!” argued Hiro as he pointed to Dr. Borg and Megatron.
“…’I bequeath a boot to the head,'” proceeded Leumas. The boot was too fast for Hiro to shoot as it dodged his gun’s shot and hit him in the head. “‘And one more for Optimus and Megatron.'” Optimus and Megatron were hit yet again!
“I think I’m developing drain bamage!” groaned Optimus.
“I’m dizzy and I think I’ve developed short-term memory loss!” moaned Megatron. “…and I think I’ve developed short-term memory loss!”
“‘To Doctor Cytanek Yavenag Borg…'” continued Leumas.
“Uh oh,” gulped Dr, Borg.
“…’whose actions are a continual disruption to the Realms…'” Leumas went on.
“I don’t like where this is going!” yelped Dr. Borg.
“…’why you felt the need to circumvent the cost of making a Revenant,'” continued Leumas, “‘I will never understand. The price was implemented for people NOT to make Revenants willy nilly.'”
“I don’t want any boot to the head!” pleaded Dr. Borg.
“Why mention making a Revenant?” asked Arsha, still ignorant about Yulduk’s current undead status.
“‘Given your own scientific advances…'” Leumas went on.
“I’m covering my head!” yelped Dr. Borg.
“…’I bequeath…a boot to the wing joints,'” revealed Leumas.
“WHERE?!” shrieked Dr. Borg. A boot then hit her backside, right between her wings. She opened her mouth in a silent scream of pain and fell from her seat. Hitting any member of the Fae between the wings is the equivalent of kicking them in the crotch. Much like humans, it’s more painful for female Fae.
“Oh, that’s just cruel!” protested Arsha.
“‘Last, to Princess Arsha Royana, the most dedicated of my characters…'” continued Leumas.
“Oh?” quizzed Arsha as everyone pelted with boots so far glared at her.
“…’who always did her job and did it with professionalism and courtesy,'” went on Leumas, “‘and continues to be the pride of Realmfleet…'”
“It was no trouble,” assured Arsha.
“Kiss-up,” grumbled Optimus.
“…’To Arsha Royana, I bequeath…a boot to the head,'” revealed Leumas.
“WHAT?!” shouted Arsha. She then got booted in the head! As she massaged her head, she removed her hairpiece. “I hope his soul reaches the Depths and fades to nothingness!” cursed Arsha.
“‘To Noletam Farginta and Petramel Venchitak,'” Leumas read on, “‘in assisting me in writing this will, I bequeath a BOOT TO THE HEAD!’ MOM! DAD! LOOK OUT!” Too late. Noletam and Petramel were hit. Leumas got up and checked them over. “Are you guys all right?!” he asked.
“I think my head’s bleeding!” groaned Petramel. Leumas looked all around.
“No, it isn’t, thank the Ones,” he sighed gratefully. He then checked Noletam.
“I’m fine, my boy,” assured Noletam. “Just need an…” she then noticed something wrong with her vision. “…No!” whispered Noletam as she took her ruined glasses off. “MY GLASSES! THAT’S 60,000 GOLDS DOWN THE DRAIN!” Her saliva was adopting a green coloration from her venom as she ranted. Leumas decided to continue the reading.
“‘Last,'” he wrapped up, “‘to Leumas Venchitak, I leave not a boot to the head…but a crazed wyvern to BE SHOVED DOWN HIS TUNIC’S BACK?!'” A mysterious hand then shoved a crazed wyvern down his tunic and went crazier. Leumas howled in pain as the wyvern’s teeth and claws raked across his flesh. Noletam grabbed the wyvern and sunk her teeth into it, pumping it full of her venom and killing it within 30 seconds. Petramel started casting healing spells on Leumas.
“I take that back, THAT was cruel,” remarked Arsha.
“Not half as cruel as being abused like that!” snapped Megatron. “When do we get our cut of his estate?!” Just then, a hologram of OTM appeared on the table.
“If this message is playing after the reading of my will,” began the hologram, “then it’s safe to assume someone asked when you would get your cut of my estate. The simple answer is…never. I have moved my written works to Archive of Our Own and and all of my drawings are on Newgrounds.”
“Are you serious?!” demanded Hiro. “You mean you gathered everyone here just to abuse us?!”
“It was my final wish,” replied the hologram.
“You pure-blooded bastard!” Dr. Borg managed to get through her pain.
“Do you mean to tell us,” snarled Megumi, “we’re getting NOTHING?! Not even the guys who helped you with your will?!”
“That’s correct,” confirmed the hologram. “But, my watchers get something. To all those that have taken a gander at my DeviantArt page and watched me, I bequeath the links to where you can find me, both in the description of this story and in my journal. Thank you all so much for watching me here and I hope to see you over in the aforementioned sites.” The hologram shut off.
“…I hate him,” muttered Leumas.
“We all do,” remarked Optimus. That statement was met with nods of agreement.
