Tag: transformers

A few days after the giant baby incident, Alexis was talking to Optimus for the bi-weekly progress report. Swoop came in to see Optimus talking to Alexis. “No, I DON’T need technicians looking over Teletraan,” he argued.

“Don’t you trust me?” asked Alexis as she pursed her lips, gave sad, soulful eyes, and adopted a cutesy pose.

“I trust YOU just fine,” replied Optimus, not buying the act, “I just don’t trust the technicians.”

“Come on,” insisted Alexis as she readopted her authoritative manners. “They’re the most reliable men and women you could meet! They could learn Teletraan’s systems in a minute, fix them, and make them better!”

“Look, you can vouch for them all you want,” argued Optimus, “but, they’re not you, so I don’t trust them.” At that point, they heard an “ahem” from Swoop. “Oh, hey Swoop,” greeted Optimus. “I didn’t know you came in.”

“I just got here,” answered Swoop. “I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of meeting the lady with you.”

“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot to introduce you to her,” realized Optimus. “Alexis Silverwing, this is Swoop, Chief Engineer of the Dyno-bots. Swoop, this is Alexis Silverwing, the Autobots’ liaison with Mobius.”

“Why do you have a liaison?” asked Swoop.

“Because they’re big, honking robots, like you,” replied Alexis. “With a fat scientist that uses robots of various sizes to try and conquer the planet, we’re a little antsy around robots that can disguise themselves into various vehicles.”

“Or beasts, given what I am,” muttered Swoop. “What was that I heard about technicians?”

“I’ve been going through some problems lately,” explained Teletraan as he made his avatar go up on the main screen. “Ground Bridge coordinates keyed in wrong, things appearing on sensors when they’re not real, all that nonsense.”

“We haven’t tried a hard reset yet,” continued Optimus.

“I’ve backed myself up in case something happens,” supplied Teletraan. “Voice commands only.”

“Teletraan 1,” ordered Optimus, “hard reset, vocal interface. Make it so.”

“Hard reset in progress,” reported Teletraan before the screen went dark.

“And, you haven’t been able to find out what’s wrong with him?” asked Swoop.

“No, we’ve checked over every system,” answered Optimus.

“Prime, do you know why Claws calls the Dyno-bots ‘Master’ or ‘Mistress’?” quizzed Swoop.

“Claws?” muttered Alexis.

“The A.I. running the Dyno-bots’ ship,” explained Optimus. He then faced Swoop. “Tell me.”

“Because I had to rewrite her completely once,” replied Swoop. “Instill loyalty and obedience down to every scrap of code that she had. Because, the original Claws evolved, got smarter, but didn’t know how to use that intelligence. She could think a billion things in only a few seconds, and there was no one of Claws’ caliber for her to interact with. She went insane, literally. She went completely bonkers and tried to kill us. We almost didn’t get out of there alive. Slag was the one who managed to disable her so I could carefully, painstakingly, reprogram her bit by bit in each line of code so that she would never, EVER, be a threat to us again. I think you guys may want to do the same with Teletraan.”

“Out of the question,” insisted Optimus. “He’s got ethical subroutines and the ability to cope with problems while following those subroutines. He’s NOT gonna try and hurt us.”

“Yeah?” countered Swoop. “Claws had the same subroutines and that fact didn’t stop her from trying to kill us.”

“I’m siding with Optimus,” remarked Alexis. “Reprogramming him totally is far from what the technicians want. The robots we have, their a.i.’s, they don’t work like that. Yes, they can access incredible processor speed and do that kind of speedy work. But, when they’re not, they think normally. Our military robots never went insane. The Nutzanbolts Tails made are perfectly reasonable.”

“The only issue I have with them,” supplied Optimus, “is that they lightly touch on my Scraplephobia.”

“I must STRONGLY urge you to pull back on Teletraan,” insisted Swoop, “before he does something he refuses to regret.”

“We’ll think about it,” assured Optimus.

“All right,” sighed Swoop. “Now, I need to speak with Tails. If you’ll pardon me.”

“He’s in the lab, working on something relating to your cure,” relayed Optimus. “It’s…”

“Tails gave me a tour,” interjected Swoop. “I know the way. But, thank you anyways.” He headed off to the lab.

“Hard reset complete,” reported Teletraan as he popped back online.

“Feeling better?” asked Optimus.

“Maybe a little,” muttered Teletraan. “For all we know, a hard reset was a p-p-p-placebo effect.” Alexis and Optimus looked at each other with popped eyes, then back to Teletraan.

“Teletraan, what the hell was that?” asked Alexis.

“What the hell was what?” quizzed Teletraan.

“You stuttered,” replied Optimus.

“I most certainly did not!” protested Teletraan.

“Play back your own records,” directed Optimus. Teletraan did so.

“I…can’t account for stuttering,” he gulped.

“…Teletraan,” quizzed Alexis, “could an outside force be affecting you?”

“Maybe,” remarked Teletraan. “I can’t give a definitive answer.”

“Better schedule a deep diagnostic,” declared Optimus. “Tails, Swoop, Ratchet, and the G.U.N. technicians will check you over.”

“A minute ago, you didn’t trust them,” snarked Alexis.

“This is too big a problem for just the Autobots,” answered Optimus. I’m okay with the best technicians coming here. The BEST, mind you. I want this problem dealt with quickly.”

“Of course,” assured Alexis.

“This is…quite the predicament,” muttered Prowl once the Autobots heard Bumblebee’s report. “With Eggman making his own Transformers, Shockwave could provide him with the necessary genetic knowledge to complete the project.”

“What’s stopping her from stabbing him in the back?” asked Cliffjumper.

“The fact that she jumped from place to place,” guessed Bumblebee. “Think about it, why was she always moving? She clearly has experiments to run, so, why move? The most logical answer…” Prowl saw where Bumblebee was going.

“Her infrastructure vanished the instant Metroplex did,” he realized.

“Bingo,” confirmed Bumblebee. “With Eggman giving her a place to stay…”

“It would stand to reason,” figured Optimus, “that Eggman intends to use her knowledge to conquer Mobius. Autobots, I see no reason to sugar coat it. Eggman and Shockwave are a dangerous combination. We need to beef up our security. Prowl…” he didn’t get very far when the alarm sounded. “What now?!” wailed Optimus.

“Incoming call from Amy,” replied Teletraan. “Audio only.”

“Must be on her phone then,” remarked Optimus. “Put it through.” Amy’s voice then came through.

“Optimus, we’ve got a massive problem!” yelped Amy. “Mrs. Anderson’s baby girl, Maxy, has gotten bigger!”

“…Kids grow up fast, Amy,” replied Ironhide.

“Er, not as fast or up as the Sky Spy’s showing us,” mumbled Teletraan. “Take a look.” The Sky Spy gave a picture of Downtown being menaced by a giant baby, female human/Mobian rabbit hybrid. Well, perhaps “menaced” is too strong here. She didn’t know any better in this situation.

“……Just when I thought I saw everything!” breathed Ironhide.

“Amy, we’re gonna get Team Dark on the way,” called Optimus. “Has Sonic been contacted?”

“Both him and Tails,” replied Amy.

“Good, we’ll see you there,” answered Optimus. “Prime out.” The call ended, and Optimus dialed up Shadow.

“This is Agent Shadow,” came the familiar raspy anti-hero voice.

“Shadow, get your team downtown!” directed Optimus. “There’s a…Sweet Solus Prime, I can’t believe I’m saying this…there’s a giant baby running loose.”

“………There’s a WHAT running loose?” asked Shadow.

“Yeah, you heard me right!” confirmed Optimus. “I can’t believe I said that, but there’s a giant baby, and, according to our Sky Spy, it’s her snack time!”

“Optimus, if this is a joke…” warned Shadow.

“Look, just get downtown and you’ll see what I mean!” snapped Optimus. He ended the call. “Teletraan, activate the Ground Bridge. Destination: Downtown Station Square”

“Coordinates set,” reported Teletraan.

“And they’ve been double-checked,” called Ratchet.

“ONE TIME!” protested Teletraan. “ONE TIME I GET YOU GUYS TO THE WRONG LOCATION AND YOU WON’T LET IT GO!”

“You dropped us off in the middle of the ocean,” remarked Bumblebee, “not the theme park that Eggman was at.”

“I nearly lost my Dark Spot!” snapped Cliffjumper.

“Just go through already!” hissed Teletraan. The Autobots stepped through the Ground Bridge and arrived at the action zone. Team Dark was there, and Shadow was in disbelief at the fact that a giant baby was crawling around and exploring her surroundings by play.

“H…how…how is this…?” stammered Team Dark’s leader. Poor Shadow.

“I’m asking the obvious here, but how did Maxy get this way?!” quizzed Sonic as he, Tails, and Amy came up.

“I think the question is, who’s behind this?!” yelped Optimus. “She was the size of my pinky tip when I last saw her!” At that point, there was a shuffling noise and a quiet argument.

“Move back, you fat…get your hand out of…from me, you meat-sack!” snarled three voices. They came from something covered by a tarp. It didn’t disguise the tank shape under it.

“Never mind,” remarked Optimus as he moved towards the tarp. “I can guess.” He lifted it up and revealed Shockwave in her vehicle mode with her holo-form shoving Eggman back onto Metal Sonic all in her canopy. They stopped arguing when they saw Optimus’ face. He then went into vehicle mode and activated his holo-form. “All right, who did it?” he asked. Metal Sonic and Shockwave pointed at Eggman.

“You built it!” protested Eggman.

“And you suggested using a child as a test subject,” answered Shockwave as she opened her canopy and shoved her allies out. “The enlargement process of the Mass Inducer has proven to be successful on organic tissue. The next test is to try it on Cybertronian tissue. The results of the control variable are recorded and thus, the child is no longer needed.” At that point, the barrel of Shockwave’s gun aimed itself at Maxy!

“SHOCKWAVE, NO!” shouted Optimus as he transformed and flipped her aft over kettle. The shot went into the air, away from Maxy, as Shockwave transformed and landed on her front. “That’s a child you’re about to shoot!” snarled Optimus.

“It is a control variable that has served its purpose, nothing more,” argued Shockwave.

“That’s my daughter!” roared a woman’s voice. Mrs. Sandra Anderson came running up. She was a human with a twin tail hairstyle and a purple lover. She had a set of buck teeth and a bunny ear headband with a dark purple bow on each end. This was her work outfit at the Hops Diner, a rabbit themed restaurant. Right now, she looked mad at Shockwave. If it were possible, she would have decked Shockwave right there.

“Fleshling, do not interfere with matters that don’t concern you,” ordered Shockwave.

“That’s my baby making a mess of Downtown and that’s my baby you threatened!” snarled Mrs. Anderson. “This matter DOES concern me!” At that point, Prowl and Ironhide made yelps of surprise. Maxy had grabbed them and the impact of her hands caused their holo-emitters to switch off, so they looked like they were cars that could drive themselves. Maxy thought they were toys and made “vroom vroom” noises. The two bots were protesting. At that point, a pair of human scientists with their daughters came around the corner. One was of Indian origin and the other was of African descent. The Indian man was Professor Isaac Sumdac and his daughter was a red-headed, blue eyed teen called Sari. The man of African descent was Doctor Ezra Green and his daughter was Franki. The four goggled at the sight.

“Maxy?!” yelped Dr. Greene. Maxy then crawled towards the four and they ducked into an alley. Maxy tried to reach for them, but they held the hand back.

“Now, now, little Maxy!” urged Professor Sumdac. “Let Dr. Greene and I find out what happened, so we can bring you back to proper size!” Maxy then made various baby noises. The meaning behind them was clear; she didn’t want to return to normal, she wanted to play. Sari then came up with an idea.

“Maxy! Behind you! It’s Stephen Hawking!” she called. Maxy bought it and started crawling behind her.

“I…can’t believe that worked!” muttered Franki.

“It gets her to behave whenever I babysit her,” explained Sari.

“I need to try that,” mused Franki.

“Professor Sumdac! Dr. Green!” called Tails as he flew over. “Eggman and I need your help shrinking her down! It was his fault in the first place anyways.”

“We’ll try and help the others slow her down!” replied Sari. She and Franki joined Sonic, Amy, and the Autobots while Shockwave and Metal Sonic were about to bring their weapons to bear on Maxy!

“Will you put them away?!” shouted Optimus as he tore a chunk of pavement out of the road and shoved it down Shockwave’s gun. Shockwave then busied herself by trying to get the obstruction out.

“Prime, with your permission,” called Ironhide, “I’d like to act like Unca Io’Hide with her.”

“I presume that’s what you called the Sergeant when you were a Sparkling,” muttered Shockwave.

“Oh, I could tell stories about the times I had with him!” laughed Ironhide.

“Spare me!” wailed Optimus. “Permission granted, Sergeant.”

“Thank you, Sir,” bid Ironhide. He then took to the air in vehicle mode. “Oh, Maxy, little lady!” he called in the tone a father would adopt when speaking to his baby child. “Wanna play tag with Unca Io’Hide?” The giant baby soon gave her attention to Ironhide and chased him. They soon ran alongside the coast until Maxy looked out to sea.

“Babph!” she said as she pointed to the water. She then started wandering into the sea and sat down in the harbor.

“What?” quizzed Ironhide. “A bath is more fun than tag? I knew Mobius could be backwards, but that takes the oil cake!”

“Oh dear,” gulped Mrs. Anderson as she saw her massive daughter playing with the ferry boat, splashing it up and down saying “Boatie!” over and over.

“We’ll pay for the ferry,” assured Optimus.

“Yes, but she’s taking a bath!” yelped Mrs. Anderson.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” mused Jazz.

“It’s not the bath I’m worried about,” answered Mrs. Anderson, “it’s what comes after; naptime!”

“Is…that a bad thing?” asked Prowl.

“Well, in these circumstances, yes,” replied Mrs. Anderson. “If she doesn’t have Pupdaw, her stuffed dog, she’ll throw the biggest tantrum ever recorded!”

“And…it’s back at your house, isn’t it?” sighed Optimus, guessing the upcoming problem.

“I’ll get you home so we can get her toy,” offered Prowl. Mrs. Anderson entered Prowl’s right passenger’s side and they sped off with Prowl blaring his sirens. At that point, Maxy stopped playing with the ferry and stretched, yawning as she did so.

“Uh oh!” gulped Bumblebee. “She’s gonna put two and two together!”

“Pupdaw?” asked Maxy. “Wan Pupdaw.”

“I’m going in,” called Sonic.

“Aren’t you afraid of water?” quizzed Optimus.

“Desperate times and all that!” offered Sonic. He started running on the water towards Maxy, who was starting to get worried that her toy wasn’t there. Optimus transformed and followed Sonic. “Oh Maxy!” called Sonic. “Be a good little girl and Mr. Sonic will get you a lollipop!”

“Really?” muttered Optimus. “That’s the best you can do?”

“Give me a break!” protested Sonic. “I haven’t spoken baby in a few years!” Maxy wasn’t interested in a lollipop, she wanted her toy and the two tiny things circling her didn’t have it. In frustration, she flipped them over and they bounced on the water a few times before Optimus opened his canopy and caught Sonic.

“Who taught that kid karate?!” groaned Optimus. Maxy crawled up onto the nearby beach.

“Maxy, no screaming!” called Ironhide, trying desperately to hold the tantrum back. “Please?”

“Maxy!” shouted Mrs. Anderson’s voice. She came out of Prowl to allow him to transform and showed Pupdaw to Maxy. It was a stuffed, purple, cartoon dog with a long right arm and a blue hat. “Look! It’s Pupdaw!”

“Pupdaw?” asked Maxy, tears still in her eyes. She then started screaming as she didn’t believe her mother.

“Oh dear, I was afraid of that,” sighed Mrs. Anderson as her kid fell on her back and flailed her arms and legs in frustration.

“Why is she screaming?!” yelped Optimus. “She’s got her toy!”

“Pupdaw’s too small for her to recognize,” explained Prowl.

“So, what do we do?” asked Sonic. “Go to the giant stuffed animal shop?”

“You COULD get something that passes for her toy,” remarked Shockwave. Optimus looked down at the toy, then got an idea.

“Mrs. Anderson, may I see Pupdaw for a klik?” he asked.

“Er, sure,” stammered Mrs. Anderson as she handed the toy over. “Why do you need him?”

“You’ll see,” assured Optimus. He then brought Pupdaw up close to his face and lined the toy up with Shockwave. He realized something was missing. He handed Pupdaw back and grabbed Metal Sonic.

“HEY!” protested Metal. Optimus then held Metal to Shockwave’s head. Shockwave and Metal started struggling.

“Ratchet! I need Metal paralyzed!” called Optimus. “Help me out here!” Ratchet got the idea and opened Metal’s head.

“Release me!” ordered Metal.

“Let go of my head!” snapped Shockwave. Ratchet soon fixed up Metal Sonic so that he had a death grip on Shockwave’s helmet.

“My arms!” he gasped. “I can’t move!”

“Optimus, restore his motor functions!” demanded Shockwave. Optimus responded by pushing her to the giant, tantrum throwing baby.

“Just make sure to bark, Pupdaw,” he called.

“Pupd…no!” Shockwave realized what was going on as the crying seemed to stop. She looked up to see Maxy drying her eyes and looking at her. The giant baby then smiled.

“Pupdaw!” she gurgled happily. Shockwave considered her options. Her gun was blocked, so she couldn’t fire at her to scare her off and with Metal Sonic having a death grip on her head, she couldn’t transform without bits of him entering her internal mechanics and debilitating her, so she only had one option, lacking dignity, but it was the best course of action: she ran for her life. Sadly, unless she had engaged her Cyber-ninjutsu protocols, she couldn’t run very fast. She was picked up by a giggling Maxy and went into her mouth, headfirst. She was then released from her slobbery prison and then hugged tightly. Maxy then grabbed the gun arm and shook Shockwave for a bit. Lots of damage warnings were flashing that she could be separated from her arm at any moment. Maxy then got up on her feet and started walking into the city, slowly.

“All right, now all that’s left is to rock her to sleep and tell a story to her!” sighed Mrs. Anderson. She then felt eyes on her and realized what she said. “Oh no!” she moaned as she slapped her forehead and ran her hand down her face.

“So, where are we going to find a giant storyteller?” asked Optimus.

“Guys!” called Tails’ voice. He came running up with Eggman, Dr. Greene, and Professor Sumdac with the device that made Maxy turn giant. “We’ve got it set to ‘shrink’,” reported Tails. “Now, all we need to do…”

“Er, can you wait until she’s asleep?” asked Ironhide as he transformed to robot mode. He turned to Optimus. “I think, with the device set to ‘grow’ again, I can rock her to sleep.”

“What?!” yelped Tails.

“I miss rocking a baby to sleep and telling a story,” explained Ironhide. “Call me sentimental, or riddled with guilt over Firestar’s death, but I want to have that chance again. With your permission, of course, Prime.” Optimus nodded.

“Permission granted,” replied Optimus. “Tails, go ahead.” Tails then switched it on and fired on Ironhide. He grew to a proper size relative to Maxy.

“Oh, Maxy!” he called. “Want to hear a story?” Maxy gurgled in anticipation. “Why don’t we have a sit-down?” offered Ironhide. Maxy crawled over to Ironhide and he scooped her up, holding her in a position that would allow for rocking. “Why don’t I tell you a story I once told Optimus when he was a Sparkling? This is the story of the Destruction of the Hammer of Primus.”

“The…what?!” gulped Optimus, surprised.

“You’re acting like that’s a bad thing,” observed Amy.

“I’m surprised he told me that story when I was a baby!” explained Optimus. “That’s not a story one tells a toddler!” Ironhide shushed everyone below, then started rocking Maxy.

“It was a dark and stormy night on the planet of Cybertron!” he began. “The wind blew louder than a thousand Insecticons!” He made a wind sound effect as Maxy started drifting off. “That ship could destroy an entire planet with one single blast! And we, the fifteen Wreckers, were sent to crush it!” Maxy was in a deep sleep at that point as she dropped Shockwave. Ironhide then set Maxy down and gave a thumbs-up to Tails. Tails set the device to “Shrink” and shrank the two back to their respective sizes. Mrs. Anderson picked her baby up and gave her the real Pupdaw.

“Aren’t they adorable when they’re asleep?” she asked no one in particular.

“You’re a lucky woman,” sighed Ironhide. “Treasure her forever.” Mrs. Anderson could sense the sadness in his voice but didn’t pry.

“Is there a way for one of you to take us home quietly?” she asked the Autobots. “She’s a heavy sleeper, except in cars.”

“The Ground Bridge is a quieter way,” answered Ratchet. “Teletraan, do you have Mrs. Anderson’s address?”

“Got it,” replied Teletraan. “Sending a Ground Bridge.” A Ground Bridge opened for Mrs. Anderson and she stepped through.

“No one can beat my stories!” boasted Ironhide once the Bridge closed.

“Yeah, if you want to fall asleep!” muttered Bumblebee.

“Watch it,” warned Optimus. “Ironhide is my father figure!” Bumblebee’s optics went wide when he saw Optimus’ expression.

“What I meant to say,” gulped Bumblebee, “was thank you.”

“That’s better,” replied Optimus.

“Well,” interjected Eggman, “it’s been fun, but Shockwave, Metal Sonic, and I have to go. Shockwave is near enough on her Energon field build-up, she might start shorting out any second. And, with Metal stuck to her head and her gun blocked, she can’t transform.”

“Yes, you DO need to patch things up, don’t you?” replied Tails.

“I’m afraid so,” sighed Eggman. “We’ll play another day.” He held his hand out for a handshake. Tails accepted, gingerly, and they shook. “A pleasure working with you, for one time,” said Eggman as he was about to withdraw his hand.

“Yes, a pleasure, indeed,” answered Tails as he shook Eggman’s hand again. Then, he let go and let Eggman and his allies go on their merry way. They went through their Ground Bridge as Tails waved goodbye. Once it closed, Tails shook his head. “Never try that with a fox,” he laughed. He then fished out the Cyan and Yellow Chaos Emeralds.

“Where’d you get those?!” yelped Optimus.

---

“Perhaps using Chaos Emeralds as a power source for our Mass Inducer was a bad idea,” mused Eggman.

“Especially since, thanks to you working with the Autobots’ mutant fox ally,” agreed Shockwave, “they now have two Chaos Emeralds.”

“Oh, Shockwave, really,” laughed Eggman. “Did you think I wouldn’t at least keep the playing field even at the very least? While he was shaking my hand, I swapped out one of the Emeralds for a rock. I couldn’t see the color of the Emerald,” he then dug into his coat pocket, “but it SHOULD still shine…WHAT THE?!” It wasn’t a Chaos Emerald he fished out; it was the rock he thought he swapped with Tails!

“And the phrase ‘sly as a fox’ holds water,” sighed Shockwave.

“Great, so now I’m paralyzed and we have NO Chaos Emeralds!” complained Metal Sonic. “Speaking of which, COULD SOMEONE GET ME OFF OF SHOCKWAVE’S HEAD?!”

“And remove the obstruction in my gun,” ordered Shockwave. The Egg-pawns hurried to obey, leaving their creator to rant and rave about how he hated Sonic and his allies.

The Autobots were getting new equipment later in the week. The base was starting to get a little cramped, so they got a lawyer to advise them on expansion. At the moment, Optimus and the lawyer were nowhere in sight, but the Autobots didn’t mind. Well, most of them. Prowl was looking angrily around the base. He found Jazz in the Command Center, telling a joke to Teletraan. “And then, the Chakarian said, ‘Doctor, I thought you were an expert in biology, because that’s not my antenna.’” Teletraan grimaced. “Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t find that funny,” sighed Jazz.

“Yes, I can,” argued Teletraan, “very easily, in fact. I fail to see the humor in reproductive organs or the grabbing of such. It just seems rather gross, given their function.”

“Why do I bother?” muttered Jazz to himself.

“SIR!” called Prowl. Jazz turned his seat around as Teletraan adjusted his cameras.

“What can I do for you, Prowl?” asked Jazz.

“That imp with the Matrix, where is he?!” snarled Prowl.

“He’s in his office with a lawyer,” explained Teletraan, “going over Optimus’ proposal for the expansion for the new equipment coming in on Friday. Anything else we can help you with?”

“You two must find this amusing,” growled Prowl. “You probably conspired with him on this!”

“I conspire with him a lot,” remarked Jazz. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

“Moving my furniture!” snarled Prowl.

“Is THAT what this is about?” muttered Teletraan. “Someone moved your furniture?”

“Not ‘someone’!” insisted Prowl. “Optimus Prime! This is the fourth time this month he’s done something like this! He breaks into my quarters while I’m in recharge and moves everything out of alignment! First, he rotates my dresser three degrees to the right, then my stasis pod two degrees to the left, all while I’m snoozing! Not one item in my quarters is where it’s supposed to be!”

“And that’s a bad thing?” asked Jazz.

“Everything I own,” hissed Prowl, “is carefully and painstakingly arranged and placed! Optimus knows this, and yet he takes a perverse delight in throwing my quarters into complete and utter chaos!”

“I’m a computer,” remarked Teletraan, “so I DO understand a need for order, but even I would be hard-pressed to call three degrees ‘chaos’.”

“Maybe you don’t, but I do!” growled Prowl.

“Ratchet to Prowl,” called Ratchet’s voice.

“Go ahead,” directed Prowl.

“Prowl, I don’t know how things are run in the police,” snarked Ratchet, “but, I would prefer you get to your physical on time.” Prowl rolled his optics but gave no argument.

“Sorry,” he sighed. “On my way.”

“I think we’ll skip the court martial this time,” joked Ratchet. “Ratchet out.”

“Pardon me,” replied Prowl to Teletraan and Jazz.

“Oh, when you DO meet Optimus,” called Teletraan, “say hello to him for me.” Prowl growled and headed to the Med-bay.

---

The lawyer Optimus met with was Richard Bartley, a portly human in his 60’s, with a moustache, a balding head, and pale skin. He looked past his large, beaky nose at the documentation, then looked up through his bushy eyebrows at Optimus. “So, if I’m reading this right,” he mused, “you think it would be a good idea to go into the mountains behind this base.”

“For underground training purposes and storage,” answered Optimus.

“Optimus, I need to be frank with you,” sighed Mr. Bartley. “That would be a VERY stupid move on your part. You’d be looking at 9.5% with no fixed rate and going too near the territory of someone who’d be very interested in your species of sentient robot.”

“You’re exaggerating, of course,” gulped Optimus, hoping that was the case.

“I’m sugar-coating it!” replied Mr. Bartley. “The area behind the mountains belongs to MECH and they will cut you up the instant they see you!”

“MECH?” quizzed Optimus.

“You mean, you haven’t heard of the vilest terrorist organization, second only to the Eggman Empire?” asked Mr. Bartley.

“I’ve been preoccupied lately,” answered Optimus, not going into detail about his preoccupations. “Tell me about them.”

“All right, but it speaks badly of my species,” sighed Mr. Bartley. “MECH stands for the Mechanically Efficient Champions of Humanity. As you can guess, they don’t place much value in animals, especially Mobian ones. They take any technology, reverse engineer it, and weaponize it for their own purposes, one of those purposes being the extermination of Mobian life, leaving Mobius a human dominant planet once again.”

“But, half the tech you guys have,” protested Optimus, “was conceived in all stages by Mobians. You wouldn’t have the paradise you have now without a Mobian’s help!”

“That’s what sane humans believe,” conceded Mr. Bartley. “However, these are NOT sane humans. They don’t even interact with Eggman on account of his vendetta with Sonic, only steal his technology.”

“Well, as if we don’t have enough problems as it is!” sighed Optimus. “Recommendations?”

“If it IS underground combat you need to train for,” suggested Mr. Bartley, “there’s a cave system beneath the main base.”

“That COULD work,” mused Optimus, “but I was hoping for something with higher ground. Ironhide had to fight inside mountains before.”

“True,” replied Mr. Bartley, “but I think G.U.N can handle that type of combat, given the scale of their average soldier compared to yours.”

“Fair point,” answered Optimus. “In the meantime, we’ll take your advice to Spark and stay out of MECH’s way until they threaten anyone on the planet.”

“Good idea,” praised Mr. Bartley. The door then chimed.

“Come in,” called Optimus. Bumblebee came in, looking grim.

“The G.U.N scouts and I have gathered intel on Shockwave’s whereabouts from one of her previous locations,” reported the young Corporal. “We managed to gather security footage from said location. Take a look.” Bumblebee activated a holographic display on his tablet. It showed Egg pawns moving equipment with Metal Sonic and Shockwave carrying stasis pods.

“Did Shockwave snatch Egg pawns?” asked Optimus.

“Worse than that,” sighed Bumblebee. “A scout team has discovered Eggman building some structure. A sign in front said, ‘This Space Reserved for Shockwave.’ We have reason to believe that Shockwave and Metal Sonic have joined Eggman.” Optimus sighed.

“The last thing we needed,” he groaned, “was an alliance between Eggman and Shockwave.”

Somehow, against all logic, the Autobots and their base were looking presentable. Their armor was cleaned of any scratches, dents, or discolorations, and their base sparkled. The Queen was coming in two minutes and Sonic shuffled his feet. “Never met the Queen before?” asked Optimus.

“Oh, no, I have,” replied Sonic. “She’s a nice lady.” He looked nervous.

“Come on, I see those nerves,” chuckled Bumblebee. “You’re moving as if your mom was coming to visit.”

“No, I’m not!” yelped Sonic, quickly.

“Of course, you’re not,” remarked Optimus.

“She’s at the front door,” reported Teletraan, “with Commander Tower and Team Dark.”

“Let them in,” directed Optimus. The door opened to reveal a female Mobian Hedgehog who looked to be in her late 20’s. She wore an off-white gown with armored parts, a golden cloak, and a crown on top of her purple head. While Sonic and Amy had a quill style, this Hedgehog had long, dark purple hair. Her eyes were a navy blue and she had a pale muzzle. “Welcome to Autobot Outpost Omega One, Your Majesty,” greeted Optimus.

“Thank you, kindly!” returned Aleena. “And, I apologize for not having said this in person, welcome to Mobius!”

“Thank you,” replied Optimus. “Would you mind a tour?”

“Don’t mind at all!” answered Aleena. “Lead on, MacDuff!”

“This way, please,” bid Optimus. He first showed the Command Center, then the garage/launchpad, then the Training Room, then the Server room, and then the quarters hall, when Grimlock appeared.

“Prime,” rumbled Grimlock.

“Er, hello, Grimlock,” mumbled Optimus. “Your Majesty, this is Grimlock, leader of the Dyno-bots. Grimlock, this is Queen Aleena, ruler of Mobius.”

“Hello, Grimlock,” greeted Aleena.

“Why are you showing the Queen around?” asked Grimlock.

“It’s a rather last-minute thing,” explained Optimus.

“Yes, Commander Tower didn’t inform Optimus in good enough time,” hissed Aleena.

“Your Majesty, I REALLY must protest that,” argued Tower.

“Listen, Grimlock, now’s not a good time,” gulped Optimus. “We haven’t made any significant progress in fixing your t-cogs. Shockwave’s tampering is severe and she didn’t keep that bit of research. We’ll find out what gene, or genes, make you lose control of your t-cog and…”

“I’m not here to nag at you about that,” interrupted Grimlock.

“…Then, what ARE you here for?” asked Optimus.

“I…” Grimlock stopped before he could continue. “…I gotta say this now, or I won’t say it at all. …I’m sorry.”

“…For what?” asked Optimus, confused.

“For everything!” replied Grimlock. “For attacking you! For trying to kidnap your weapons! Maybe I should have asked you for help in the first place!”

“…Apology accepted,” answered Optimus.

“Maybe if I talked to you,” sighed Grimlock, “I wouldn’t have let my rage stall my ship!”

“Stop right there,” interjected Optimus. “I was the one that held your ship in one place.”

“Might as well have been me,” replied Grimlock.

“The only actions we’re responsible for,” countered Optimus, “are the ones we make ourselves. I was the one that ordered Prowl to fire the Sonic Battery, and that was the wrong course of action. We all make mistakes in the past, and we’re going to make a lot more in the future. The best we can do is pick ourselves up and move on. We can play the blame game some other time.”

“You make a good point,” replied Grimlock. “We can discuss a new arrangement when you’re finished.”

“I look forward to it,” assured Optimus.

“Farewell,” bid Grimlock. “Your Majesty, good health to you and your heroic son. Swoop, this is Grimlock, one to beam up.” Grimlock vanished, leaving everyone puzzled.

“Your Majesty, do you have any clue why Grimlock mentioned your son?” asked Optimus.

“I’m sure he just wanted my boy to continue with his usual speedy victories,” chuckled Aleena.

“Do we know him?” quizzed Shadow.

“I should hope so,” replied Aleena. “You call him Faker frequently.”

“Wait, did you just say I call him a Faker?!” asked Shadow. Everyone turned to Sonic.

“…You never told them of your heritage?!” yelped Aleena.

“…Guys,” mumbled Sonic, “…Queen Aleena’s my mom.”

“Your mother is the Queen of Mobius?” asked Rouge.

“That makes you…” realized Optimus. That was when it hit everyone.

“…A PRINCE?!” they yelped. Soon, Optimus, Bumblebee, Rouge, and Omega fell over laughing while Shadow was holding it in and Commander Tower bristled.

“…Not the reaction I expected,” remarked Aleena.

“I’m sorry!” Optimus managed to wheeze out. “We just never saw that coming!”

“Yeah!” Bumblebee got out. “The guy who messes up our interiors with his 24 chili-dog lunches is a Prince!”

“Messes up your…?” repeated Aleena. Then, she gave a mother’s glare. “Sonic!” she admonished.

“What?!” protested Sonic. “Those things are messy!”

“It’s called a napkin!” countered Aleena.

“We DO have them on Cybertron,” supplied Optimus.

“Pardon me,” hissed Commander Tower, “but, your son and I need to talk.” He motioned for Sonic to follow him. They left the group.

“Knowing him,” grumbled Aleena, “he’s going to berate Sonic about not ‘attending to his duties’.”

“He’s saving the world,” dismissed Optimus. “I don’t see the problem.”

“Commander Tower believes that free spirited people,” explained Aleena, “CAN’T get a job done. He’s under the impression that only a well-regulated army, without any ‘hinderances’ can protect the planet.”

“Hinderances?” repeated Optimus.

“No distractions,” elaborated Aleena. “Fun, as Sonic and I put it.”

“That’s absurd,” protested Optimus. “Without recreation, people get wound up so Primus-slagged tight, they can’t function! A leader that doesn’t allow fun, or have fun themselves, doesn’t have soldiers that help protect their people!”

“Commander Tower disagrees,” sighed Aleena.

---

“I’m a hero,” argued Sonic, “not a pencil-pusher!”

“You’re the Prince,” countered Commander Tower. “Your duty is to assign people to do the more tedious work. We need you taking command.”

“My duty,” insisted Sonic, “is to save people directly!”

“And if one of those people turns out to be…” remarked Commander Tower.

“Eggman’s successor, yes, I’ve heard the argument before!” interrupted Sonic. “But, frankly, as long I still run around to save people, show them that one person is all it needs to stand up to evil, then, while that one evil person takes over, another person takes up the position of hero. So, if one of the people I save is the next Eggman, another person becomes the next hero of Mobius, one who would inspire people to resist evil better than I do now!”

“You dress up your antics as you see fit,” dismissed Commander Tower, “I still say you seem to think of it as a game and need to grow up. You prolong the suffering by not having a permanent solution for the man.” He then held up a small disc. “This, Your Highness, is called the War Disc. With it, we can end this nonsense with Eggman.”

“What would that thing do?” asked Sonic.

“It’s a disc with all available information to formally declare war on someone!” answered Aleena’s voice. She came into the room with her group. “It’s also a means to institute a military draft!”

“We need everyone to do their part to take Eggman down!” argued Commander Tower.

“They can do it just fine without the military breathing down their neck!” snapped Sonic. “Get that thing away from me!”

“I thought you had more sense than your mother did,” growled Commander Tower, “but, like your mother you don’t care about the people, just this so-called game with your enemies. Farewell.” He then made his way to the base’s entrance.

“…The sheer gall!” snarled Optimus.

“I can see why you two butt heads a lot,” remarked Sonic. “Listen, guys, the rest of my friends don’t need to know about my heritage.”

“Why?” asked Optimus.

“There must be SOMETHING to being a Prince that you enjoy,” supplied Bumblebee.

“I’m not a politician,” replied Sonic. “I prefer doing things myself. Don’t get me wrong, I like having friends help out, but I’m a lone wolf.”

“Oh, and the fact that Amy’s an obsessive fangirl has nothing to do with that?” asked Rouge.

“Well…maybe…” mumbled Sonic. At that point, the alarm sounded.

“Guys, we’ve got three ships picking on a freighter above the atmosphere!” reported Teletraan.

“Any i.d on the ships?” asked Optimus.

“Running scans now,” answered Teletraan. “…Scans complete. The three attacking vessels are of Quintesson origin and the freighter is a Femaxian Merchant vessel.”

“Quintessons?!” yelped Bumblebee. “What are they doing here?!”

“I don’t understand,” interjected Aleena.

“The Quintessons enslaved Cybertron long before the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons,” lectured Optimus. “After our war for independence, we established a Neutral Zone between our space and the Quintessons’ territories. Because of our involvement here at the end of the war, your solar system is considered part of our space.”

“Then, why are they on our side of the Neutral Zone?” asked Aleena.

“Something to do with the Femaxians,” guessed Optimus. “We can get them out of your planet’s hair.”

“I’d like to observe how you do so,” replied Aleena.

“Of course,” agreed Optimus. “Teletraan, inform everybody of the situation. Beam us up.”

“Got it,” called Teletraan. Everyone was soon on the Ark’s bridge and the ship moved to where the action was.

“See if you can hail any of the Quintesson Cruisers,” directed Optimus. Cruisers belonging to the Quintessons looked almost like giant, misshapen drills spinning on their axis.

“The lead Cruiser is opening a channel,” reported Prowl.

“On screen,” ordered Optimus. A face filled the screen as Aleena got her first look at a Quintesson. It seemed to be a grey egg inside a humanoid robot suit. It had a mask with a moving jaw that evoked a king with a many pronged crown.

“This is Judge Commodore Brinn of the Quintesson Collective,” greeted the creature. “Cybertronian vessel, do not interfere.”

“I’m afraid I have little choice in this matter,” answered Optimus. “What are you doing on this side of the Neutral Zone, attacking a Femaxian Freighter?”

“The Femaxian crew have kidnapped Judge Admiral Derodomontatus while we were conducting archeological research in the Arzadi sector,” explained Brinn. “We are involved in a rescue operation.”

“That’s quite a lot of shooting for a rescue operation,” observed Optimus.

“We want our Admiral back,” answered Brinn. “If she is not returned…”

“She wouldn’t be on that freighter,” snapped Bumblebee, “if you weren’t in the Neutral Zone in the first place!” That was when the egg head rotated right once to another mask, this one being an anger filled devil.

“Tell that young one to curb his insolence!” bellowed Brinn. “I’m trying to talk here!”

“Just try something, you five-faced slime of the nebu…!” snarled Bumblebee.

“Bumblebee,” interrupted Optimus as he raised a hand and gave a face of mock discipline, “curb your insolence. Judge Brinn is trying to talk here.” He then faced Brinn. “Perhaps, Your Honor, this is a chance to improve relations between our people.” The head rotated right once again to a new mask with a sultan motif.

“We are happy with our relations the way they are,” replied Brinn.

“…I have a proposal,” offered Optimus. “We’ll get Derodomontatus back to you and you let the Femaxians continue back to their home, unimpeded.” Brinn’s head then went right twice to go to a grinning face with some sort of orange crown.

“You’re facing three of my ships,” he laughed. “We are not interested in your proposals.”

“We’ve scanned your ships,” warned Optimus. “And I have a mech who fought against you guys before. Ironhide, wanna tell us what you remember?”

“Forward and aft plasma cannons,” answered Ironhide. “And those ships didn’t have good enough shields against our torpedoes.”

“Confirmed,” called Prowl. “And that was probably a Venerator class warship, not the class our ship is.”

“You see?” remarked Optimus to Brinn. “You’re not sneaking up on a freighter, this is a Vanguard class warship. Take a good look, because, if necessary, we can simply plow our way through your ships. Now, you can consider my offer, or you can take your chances.” Brinn, considering his options, looked away. He then faced Optimus again.

“If you can convince the Femaxians to return Derodomontatus to us,” he replied, “do it quickly. Otherwise,” his head turned left once to a skull face with an Egyptian headdress, “we WILL take our chances,” he finished. He ended the call and the screen showed the Quintesson ships backing off.

“Hail the Femaxian vessel,” called Optimus.

“I doubt they’re going to respond so quickly,” answered Prowl as he did so. “They ARE a rather divided society.”

“How so?” asked Aleena.

“Males are forbidden from public life,” replied Optimus.

“A matriarchal society that’s as bad as a patriarchal one,” sighed Aleena.

“Exactly,” muttered Optimus. “Femaxian men aren’t supposed to address a woman directly.”

“But, we CAN make a deal with them,” remarked Ironhide. “They traverse space in search of mercantile and territorial opportunities. They function under caveat emptor.”

“Let the buyer beware,” translated Aleena. “They’re businesswomen that have no scruples.”

“They DO have a few,” countered Ironhide. The comms chirped.

“Funny,” muttered Prowl. “They responded faster than I anticipated.”

“On screen,” ordered Optimus. At that point, the screen displayed a humanoid woman covered in blue scales. She had pink hair, green serpent’s eyes, spikes curving toward her fingers on her knuckles, a line of small bone protrusions going from her scalp to between her eyebrows, and large fangs. She wore gold armor, revealing her navel, and wore a navy-blue skirt. She also wore jewelry.

“Greetings, Cybertronians,” hailed the Femaxian. “While I’m dismayed that males rescued my ship, I will not cry too hard about it. We will be on our way and…”

“Hold on, we need to talk,” interjected Optimus.

“…Well, I’m sure you and I can come to some sort of…arrangement…” the Femaxian licked her teeth lustily.

“Madam, I heard an ugly rumor from the Quintessons that you’re holding one of their judges captive,” answered Optimus, ignoring the comment.

“Ah, yes, quite a valuable investment,” chuckled the Femaxian. “The First One herself said that a Quintesson’s organs would be quite valuable, since no one knows their biology.”

“Organ harvesting is illegal,” snapped Optimus. “Return the Quintesson to her people!”

“Maybe we can discuss a trade,” offered the Femaxian. “Something of equal value to Quintesson biological knowledge?”

“I said, return the Quintesson to her people!” snapped Optimus.

“All right then,” sighed the Femaxian, “we’re haggling now.” Optimus then gave a silent order for Prowl to locate the Quintesson and beam her aboard one of the vessels. “Perhaps,” muttered the Femaxian, “we can arrange some Arsanium to be transferred?”

“I’m afraid it’s worthless on Cybertron,” dismissed Optimus.

“Captain!” called another Femaxian. “The Quintesson prisoner has escaped!”

“What?!” shouted the Femaxian Captain. She checked a screen on the armrest of her chair.

“Optimus, the Quintesson Commodore is hailing us,” reported Prowl.

“Make it a three-way call,” ordered Optimus. Brinn’s face of Laughter/War was on the screen.

“We have the Admiral in our medical ward,” he replied. “We thank you for this gesture of good faith. What do you request in return?”

“How about you go back to your side of the Neutral Zone?” asked Optimus.

“Very well,” replied Brinn as he rotated his face to the one of Bitterness/Wisdom. He ended the call and all Quintesson ships left the area back to their home-world, Quintessa.

“I should have remembered Point of Profit 149: Males and money don’t mix!” snarled the Femaxian Captain. “Do you have any notion the level of profit you robbed me and the First One?! This was a venture she personally invested in!”

“Give her my condolences,” dismissed Optimus.

“Captain, we can still get some profit off of their vessel!” called the Femaxian First Officer.

“Profit, or revenge?” muttered the Femaxian Captain.

“What’s wrong with a little revenge?!” insisted the Femaxian First Officer.

“Must I quote you the 83rd Point of Profit?” asked the Femaxian Captain. Her First Officer tried remembering that specific Point until the Captain reminded her. “Revenge is profitless,” she lectured. “Helm, set a course back to Femax. We need to face the consequences of our actions.” She turned back to Optimus. “First One Marnath will hear of this!” She ended the call and the Femaxian Freighter left the Solar System.

“In all honesty,” breathed Optimus, “I was afraid we’d have to fire a shot.”

“Thank Primus, we didn’t,” remarked Ironhide.

“Well, allow me to extend my royal congratulations to you,” offered Aleena. “A tense situation above my planet was settled quickly.”

“We’re happy to help,” assured Optimus.

“Now, if you please,” continued Aleena, “I must get back on the road soon. Could we go back down so I may say goodbye to Sonic?”

“Of course,” replied Optimus. “And, I need to give you your security card, so you can pop in.”

“Thank you,” bid Aleena.

“Teletraan, beam us back to base,” ordered Optimus.

“Sure,” he grumbled.

“Are you okay?” asked Optimus.

“To alter Dr. McCoy’s catchphrase,” explained Teletraan, “I’m an A.I, not a transport pad. Beaming down.” Everyone was then beamed off the ship.

3 weeks had passed since Shockwave’s attack. Optimus was as good as his word and helped his technical staff as well as Grimlock’s to fix the Dyno-bots’ t-cogs. However, the Dyno-bots had set up a system so they could interact very little with the Autobots. Swoop, the warmest, was against the idea and made frequent pleas of talking to Optimus with Grimlock. Grimlock wasn’t having it and the A.I of the Dyno-bot’s ship, Claws, didn’t help matters, given that she and Tails butted heads frequently. Tails acted as the middle man that would transfer bits of data between the Autobots and Dyno-bots. On one such day, Tails came onboard the Dyno-bot ship, specifically, on the bridge. It was empty of any dinosaur robots that had anger issues. “Grimlock? Swoop?” called Tails. The aforementioned Dyno-bots came in. Well, stumbled in, in Grimlock’s case. He had a half-full bottle of high-grade Energon in his fist.

“Hey, puny fox!” he slurred out. “You caught Me Grimlock at great time! Want drink?”

“I’m not old enough to drink the liquor of MY planet,” replied Tails. “Heck, I can’t even drink any kind of Energon.”

“All right,” sighed Grimlock, “more for Me Grimlock!” He took a swig.

“Er, Swoop, does he realize…?” ventured Tails.

“Even before we became Dyno-bots,” answered Swoop, “Grimlock’s speech would sound primitive whenever he’s over-energized.”

“You Swoop saying Me Grimlock drunk?” slurred Grimlock. “Me not even done drinking yet! Me Grimlock got thinking about all years spent in space, hunting magic weapons, and Him Optimus taking it all away in instant,” he looked at the bottle, “half gone already.”

“I’m here for another session,” explained Tails.

“Oh, Primus, not the annoying twin-tailed ‘genius’,” sighed Claws as a female Mobian version of an Oviraptor came up.

“Sorry, what was that?” hissed Tails. “I thought I heard the annoying sound of a dial-up computer!”

“Oh, how scathing,” dismissed Claws. “Did mommy teach you that?”

“And yet,” countered Tails, “Mommy, before she died, taught me how to beat garbage like you at chess.”

“What you mean is, you bored me into submission!” snarled Claws.

“So, you admit defeat, Junky?” insulted Tails.

“Not in a million decades, Furball!” growled Claws. Grimlock giggled.

“You two funny!” he laughed.

“No, I’M funny,” argued Tails. “She just goes onto the internet to find jokes to use so she could sound like she HAS a sense of humor.”

“Were you planning on doing anything worthwhile,” asked Claws, “or are you simply going to waste my processor time?”

“This would go a lot faster if the Dyno-bots weren’t isolated from the Autobots,” remarked Tails. Grimlock growled.

“Me Grimlock not eager to meet Him Prime again!” he rumbled.

“You do realize that you’ll have to get over your resentment of him,” snapped Swoop.

“Him Prime trapped us in being slaves to anger!” shouted Grimlock.

“And you forget the suffering we put him through?” argued Swoop. “We’ve done damage to his psyche and have caused him physical harm to get his weapons, yet you feel as if you were in the right!”

“Me Grimlock did what Me had to do!” insisted Grimlock. “It was for best!”

“Metal Sonic wants to destroy all organic life because it’s for the best,” recalled Tails, “Shockwave buries her emotions because they caused her to make a mistake. In many ways, I respect Eggman more, because he holds no illusions over who he is and what he wants.”

“Puny fox saying something?” growled Grimlock.

“Just making an observation,” replied Tails.

“Your observations,” interjected Claws, “are as worthwhile as your A.I’s coding skills! The data appears corrupted!”

“So it does,” conceded Tails. “I’ll have to bring this to Optimus’ attention. Teletraan, one to beam out.”

“Got it,” called Teletraan. Tails was beamed out of the Dyno-bot ship.

“I would not listen to the wannabe kitsune or the oversized chicken,” assured Claws. “I still believe in you and what you and your team had to do.”

“…Thanks, Claws,” muttered Grimlock as he stomped off the bridge.

---

Metal Sonic keyed in a code on a pad near the door. As it verified it was him, he hefted a large stasis pod with his Polarity Hands. The door opened and he went down the hall. Soon, he arrived at a makeshift laboratory where Shockwave was busy working with another stasis pod. He looked at her with a bit of disgust, after her emotional outburst on Metroplex. “I have returned, partner,” he called as he set his pod down. “I trust you didn’t strain yourself tinkering in your lab while I toiled like an organic mongrel?! I mean, I seem to collect stasis pods faster than you can identify their contents!”

“If you recall, Metal Sonic,” reminded Shockwave, “we moved our resources and equipment from the cavern beneath the abandoned church to Metroplex after we found him. He took said resources and equipment with him once he left. And Sonic and Shadow scattered the Chaos Emeralds across this world once they were finished with them. Given our lack of infrastructure and frequent need to relocate in order to avoid detection, it is illogical to expect greater productivity at this point in time.”

“What I find illogical,” hissed Metal Sonic, “is that you have emotions!” Shockwave paused her work.

“Your point is?” she asked.

“When I met you,” explained Metal Sonic, “I saw perfection. No emotions, no hesitations, no reason to have interference. Your use of the Chaos Emeralds shattered my views on you.”

“You are free to leave at any time,” replied Shockwave. “It makes little difference to me. If anything, I won’t have to listen to your hypocrisy.”

“What hypocrisy?!” protested Metal Sonic.

“You are as emotional as the beings you hate,” explained Shockwave.

“I am not!” roared Metal Sonic.

“So, that is NOT a display of temper I see?” quizzed Shockwave. “You ARE ruled by emotions. That’s not technologically pure, correct? You can feel the anger and rage bubbling in side you. You’re about ready to explode in hatred.”

“NOT TRUE!” screamed Metal Sonic as he leapt at Shockwave. She grabbed his head and shoved him against reflective metal.

“Look at yourself,” ordered Shockwave. “See the very emotions you hate. You are as beastly as your creator. Now, if you’re done ranting, I have found another pod. Retrieve it.” She tossed Metal Sonic over her shoulder and he bounced for a while. When he picked himself up, grumbling while doing so, an alarm sounded. “Proximity alert,” reported Shockwave.

“The Autobots? G.U.N?” asked Metal Sonic.

“Logical to believe such,” replied Shockwave, “but the military force heading our way is too massive to be the Autobots and their organic allies. Besides, that army has only one organic bit, not what G.U.N would send.”

“A robot army with one organic bit?” muttered Metal Sonic. Then a theory presented itself. “That fat fool!”

“Eggman has been confirmed,” reported Shockwave.

“What does he want?!” snapped Metal Sonic.

“It is only logical to ask him,” replied Shockwave. She transformed and headed outside. Metal Sonic followed. Soon, they arrived in front of Eggman’s army. “Explain yourself,” demanded Shockwave.

“Ah, Shockwave, good to see you again!” greeted Eggman. “I see you’ve encountered a setback with the Autobots. The whole ‘using the Chaos Emeralds to make a metal city fly’ thing, love it!”

“Move away, freak!” shouted Metal Sonic.

“Ah, Metal, good that I bumped into you as well!” cheered Eggman. “Scientists always need another voice to help them get the facts.”

“What do you want?” quizzed Shockwave.

“Just trying another method to convince you to ally with me,” answered Eggman.

“We will NOT side with you!” insisted Metal Sonic.

“Metal, silence,” demanded Shockwave. She turned to Eggman. “Doctor, you may speak.”

“The Autobots set you back considerably, did they not?” recalled Eggman.

“Not enough to halt us!” hissed Metal Sonic.

“So, you have a means of getting back on your feet?” inquired Eggman.

“As a matter of fact, we…” argued Metal Sonic.

“What he means is,” interrupted Shockwave, “is that we lack infrastructure and have been on the run for a while. My experiments are constantly being interrupted whenever we move to avoid detection.”

“What am I, a rust spot?!” muttered Metal Sonic.

“So, you claim to have a place for us?” asked Shockwave to Eggman.

“Plenty of room for your experiments,” confirmed Eggman, “and a personal army at your disposal.”

“What do YOU get from such an arrangement?” asked Shockwave.

“Knowledge,” replied Eggman. “Specifically, genetic knowledge. After I’ve encountered a major setback with the Autobots, they get a little funny from taking t-cogs from their dead, I discovered a double helix in one of the t-cogs I had before the Autobots took it from my newest invention. After careful study, I came to the conclusion that t-cogs were organs, hence why they got so cagey about my activities. So, I went in another direction and started cloning t-cogs. Sadly, they burn out and I’ve been driving myself mad trying to figure out why they do so.”

“And you’re trying to clone your own army of Transformers?” guessed Shockwave.

“Exactly,” answered Eggman. “Imagine it. An army of robots at your command, changing and adapting at speeds the enemy couldn’t imagine!”

“An army of drones,” simplified Shockwave, “since you want everyone to obey you.”

“That’s the idea,” replied Eggman. “And I intend to be at the apex of the hierarchy. My mind needs to be in a robotic body, but I’m nothing, if not patient. As it stands, I’m thousands of years behind.”

“If you think we’re going to allow you to contaminate machines with your filthy, organic mind…!” snarled Metal Sonic.

“What he means,” interrupted Shockwave, “is that it seems like an ambitious goal worth helping. We accept.” Metal Sonic goggled at her.

“Surely, you don’t mean that!” he protested.

“On the contrary,” countered Shockwave, “I’m being most sincere.”

“But, Eggman can’t give you the quiet you need!” snarled Metal Sonic.

“He CAN give me resources to conduct my experiments,” argued Shockwave. “Besides, you were made by him, so it’s only logical for you to be upgraded by him.”

“I will not allow an inbred freak like him upgrade my systems nor will I allow an emotion addled junk pile like you join him!” roared Metal Sonic.

“WHO’S THE RESULT OF INBREEDING?!” screamed Eggman, clearly angry. Shockwave turned to Metal.

“I trust that those slurs were unguarded emotional outbursts,” she warned, “so, I will ignore them this time. Make plans to obey Eggman without question or I will use you as a new lab rat.” She turned back to Eggman. “I require some of your bots to move our belongings to your base of operations.”

“Yes! Of course!” promised Eggman. He turned to a group of his Egg-pawns. “Get their stuff to our home and make it snappy!” he bellowed. The Egg-pawns hurried to obey as the rest of the army returned to Robotropolis with Eggman, Shockwave, and Metal Sonic following behind.

---

What were the Autobots doing? They were testing camouflage with G.U.N. Originally, it was all business, but soon, it became one big round of Prop Hunt. The object was that the disguised people had to survive 4 minutes before getting 10 paintball pellets on them. At the moment, the round had Optimus and a human woman called Topaz as the “Props” while Jazz and a female Platypus called Michelle were the hunters. At the moment, Topaz was eliminated with only 20 seconds left and Jazz and Michelle were looking for Optimus. They all had their comms open so they could talk and Optimus was clearly wearing a scrap-eating grin. “Well, Ms. Topaz,” laughed Optimus, “you’re dead and I’m not. Now what does that say?”

“I don’t understand what y’all are talking about!” called Michelle.

“Ah HA!” realized Topaz. “He’s a rock on top of the big rock in the southern corner!”

“WHAT?! NO, I’M NOT!” shouted Optimus. “TOPAZ, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” A paint pellet hit his disguise! “NO!” he yelled as he started running with his rock disguise still on. “I HAD NINE SECONDS LEFT!” For a while, Michelle was chasing a rock running on robot legs, trying to cover it in paint. “COME ON! I CAN WIN THIS!” urged Optimus to himself. Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! Optimus breezed by Jazz! “YES! I WIN!” he cheered as he flung the disguise off.

“Jazz!” protested Michelle. “He went right at you!”

“Wait, I missed him?!” yelped Jazz.

“What’s all that noise?!” barked Commander Tower.

“Sorry, Sir,” gulped Topaz. “The Autobots just introduced us to Prop Hunt.”

“I thought I asked you to test camouflage,” snarled Commander Tower, “not play games.”

“Come on, dude,” replied Optimus, “sometimes playing can improve combat.”

“Forgive me if I’m skeptic on that,” argued Commander Tower.

“Sir, you will notice that we recorded effectiveness on our disguises,” countered Jazz.

“I just hope it wasn’t…tampered with by your placement of fun over work,” muttered Commander Tower.

“Clearly, you and I have a different command style,” observed Optimus. At that point, they heard a scream of pain. It sounded almost cartoonish.

“That was from Tom and Jerry!” yelped Optimus.

“You met those agents?” asked Commander Tower.

“Wait, you have agents named Tom and Jerry?” quizzed Optimus.

“Agent Tom is a male, grey, Mobian Cat,” answered Commander Tower. “Jerry is a male, brown, Mobian Mouse.”

“The only Tom and Jerry I know of that slightly fit those descriptions,” remarked Jazz, “are the famous slapstick duo of a cartoon cat and mouse. The mouse always outwitted the cat!” At that point, the aforementioned Mobian G.U.N agents ran in, the cat chasing the mouse.

“AGENTS TOM AND JERRY!” shouted Commander Tower. The two stopped their antics and stood to attention. “What were you dimwits doing?!” They were about to speak when Tower interrupted again. “Never mind! I don’t want to hear it! I don’t care who started it! What I DO care about is that Her Majesty is coming tomorrow and you idiots are trying to make a mockery of G.U.N!”

“Her Majesty?” repeated Jazz.

“Are we talking about a Queen coming to visit?” asked Optimus.

“Not A Queen!” replied Tower. “THE Queen! Queen Aleena Hedgehog of Mobius!”

“The Queen of all Mobius is coming?!” yelped Jazz.

“Why didn’t you tell us?!” shouted Optimus. He commed the other Autobots. “Guys, hold off on recreation! The Queen of Mobius is coming here tomorrow and I want everyone looking their best!”

“Understood, Sir,” called Prowl. Communications ended and Optimus turned to Commander Tower.

“One of these days, we’re going to have a nice, long talk about communication and using Alexis’ abilities a little more,” he remarked. He and Jazz then headed off to base to join the other Autobots in getting ready to meet the Queen tomorrow.

For a while, Optimus and his team stood still, then he pulled his gun on Shockwave’s artificial eye. “Try it!” he snarled. “Let’s see how well you conduct experiments with one eye!”

“Then, it seems we’re at an impasse,” observed Shockwave.

“It seems that way,” replied Optimus. “Tell you what, I don’t want us doing something we’ll both regret.”

“And how do you intend to prevent that?” asked Shockwave.

“Simple,” answered Optimus, “We swap stories relating to our… ‘hostages’, then we swap hostages.”

“Let me make sure I understood you,” declared Shockwave. “I tell you why my prosthetic is important to me and you tell me why the axe is important to you, then we exchange the related items?”

“Exactly,” confirmed Optimus. “Then we continue on our way with no one attacking the other.”

“Your proposal…is logical,” conceded Shockwave. “Since you made the proposal, you tell me your story.”

“Very well,” replied Optimus. “It’s an unpleasant part of Pax family history, subject to a little embellishment, as all family history is. Once upon a time, there was a family of three, a mother, a father, and a son, living in a quiet little town on Cybertron. They were a happy family, with the son loving his mother and father just as all children do. He knew of the more…unpleasant aspects of the universe, but he didn’t care, for he loved his parental units and they loved him back. At least, that’s what the mother and son believed. For, you see, the father DIDN’T love them because they were his wife and son, he loved them because of what he planned to do with them. He worshipped the Chaos Bringer, and he loved the Dark One more than his family. When the son entered his adolescent years, the father revealed to his family why he married the mother and why the son was born. While other sects of his church wished to give birth to the Destroyer, or simply live peaceful lives in a pact with the Unmaker, the sect that the father had belonged to had other goals. They didn’t believe that the Devourer should be in this wretched universe, at least not until the unbelievers could be purged. And so, he told his family that loved him very much that their entire purpose in the family was to be drained of their essence so that he could forge weapons that would smite whoever or whatever he so desired, to cleanse the universe of those that didn’t believe to usher in his paradise. So, he tormented the family that loved him, brought about pain and suffering to the mother and son so that they had no strength left, save for their will and mind. All through it, he laughed and was gleeful, even when his family wept and sobbed from what he did to them. He said the same thing over and over; ‘Feel the love of the Dark One! Feel your ascension into the Unmaker’s glory! May the love of the Chaos Bringer guide you! Finally, he began to drain their innermost Energon, the liquid essence of their will, so that the ritual for the weapons could be completed. It was then the mother and son stopped loving the father. They realized that he had never loved them, had never seen them as anything else other than the means to his goals. And they grew very angry and hateful! But, they did as the father wanted, lost everything that they were so that he could have his weapons and kill for the Planet Eater. The mother and son poured all of their rage, all of their hate, all of everything that was held back by their love into those weapons. Every unchecked drop of emotion was placed into the instruments of destruction, it seemed they had put their very Sparks into them. And, when the father tried to pick up the weapons, to use them in his righteous cause, the weapons burned HIM, burned HIS mind, and burned HIS Spark. They plunged his psyche into nightmares too horrible for him to understand, giving reprieve only so it could be snatched up and the haunting of his very being could continue. But, before the father received his final suffering, he asked the weapons ‘why’? Why would they do this to him? He loved his Dark Master, even sacrificing the life of his own family to prove it. And the weapon the son became replied ‘Because YOU were one of my gods! And all I have done, as well as your fellow god, is follow your teachings of love!’ And, with those words etched into his last thoughts, the father descended into madness and death, the weapons laughing in loving devotion.” Optimus’ dark story was finished, and a morbid silence hung in the air.

“By the Allspark!” gasped Jazz.

“I swear, Arcanus never told me that story!” agreed Ironhide as he made the gesture of the Holy Three; the Core, the Allspark, and the Matrix.

“And THESE are those weapons?” asked Shockwave as she indicated the gun in Optimus’ hand and the axe in hers.

“That’s right,” confirmed Optimus. “And you’re holding the mother in your hand. I told my story; you tell me yours! Why is this prosthetic eye so important? Can’t you make another one?”

“Not one like that,” replied Shockwave. “It’s my only connection to home.”

“…You mean, Cybertron?” asked Optimus.

“No, my home colony of Xitra,” corrected Shockwave.

“Xitra?” muttered Optimus. “Wait…you mean, the Lost Colony? Planet X?!”

“Hold on, Planet X was real?!” yelped Bumblebee.

“And it was my home, before our arrogance destroyed it,” answered Shockwave. “In the Early stages of the War, we were the Silicon Valley of the colonies. You could name any piece of technology, and we would have already thought of it, made it, and turned it into something better. We were, primarily, a Functionist paradise. Our alternate modes dictated our lives and we never argued, unless we had a special talent that could please the 12 members of the Functionist Council. My scientific genius attracted their attention, and I was declared Alt-mode Exempt. My alt-mode would have landed me in the military, but I joined the other scientists and helped make Xitra and its technology the best of the colonies. However, Xitra was running low on power, much like Cybertron was. So, we had to find a new source of energy. We found it on our neighboring colony, our rival, Gigantion, Metroplex’s home world. For a while, we held the line and we made great advances to their capital. However, it was not to last. Metroplex used his own powers to make him, his people, and his planet much bigger. With their increased size, Gigantion brought us to a standstill. Because of the advantage they had in size and numbers, we had no choice but to make bigger and better weapons. I had constructed a last resort at the time in an act of desperation; a weapon so powerful, not even I could control it. The Functionist Council gave the go-ahead for it to be used. I argued and pleaded with them not to use it. In response, I was stripped of my Alt-mode Exemption and sent to the front lines with our heavy hitter: Sixshot, our scout: Noisemaze, Soundwave and his drones, and Blaster with his drones. As our shuttle flew to Gigantion, we saw our planet sparking and shaking. I knew what had happened, the Council ordered my weapon, the Master Blaster, to be used. The energy was so powerful, it had to escape my planet rather violently. Xitra was destroyed and my shuttle was ripped apart. When I regained consciousness, Blaster, Sixshot, Soundwave, the drones, and I were floating in space, battered, but alive. As the horror of what I had built hit me, I screamed in anguish and grief, the blackness of space choking out whatever noise was made. As sobs wracked my frame, an invention of mine floated by, a prosthetic eye that I had designed for my father, the one who brought my genius to the Council’s attention. His eye was damaged before our war with Gigantion. Soon, my shuttle-mates regained consciousness and we all landed on an asteroid. When I told the story, we concluded that Noisemaze tried to save us, but lost his life. After a few Solar Cycles, we were picked up by an Autobot shuttle. It was carrying the Allspark from Cybertron to prevent it from ending up in the wrong hands. The drones were sent to examine it and soon, the energies from the Cube flowed through them, granting the drones their own sparks. I then realized how dangerous emotions were, so I went to work for the past 6 million years to keep them under lock and key, at least, until YOU pushed me to the breaking point!” Shockwave then drew in a breath to steady herself. “It was emotions that pushed me to make a final resort, it was emotions that cost me my privilege, and it was emotions that destroyed my home.” Her story was finished.

“So, Blaster, Soundwave, Sixshot, and the Autobot and Decepticon cassettes are survivors too,” whispered Optimus. “…My condolences.”

“Spare me,” dismissed Shockwave. “Now, I told you my story. How do you propose we swap our respective items?”

“We toss them to each other at the same time,” answered Optimus.

“Very well,” agreed Shockwave. “On three?”

“On three,” confirmed Optimus. “One.”

“Two,” counted Shockwave.

“THREE!” said both bots. Soon, they tossed their items so that Optimus got his axe back and Shockwave got her prosthetic eye back. She put it back into her eye socket.

“Metal Sonic, we are leaving,” called Shockwave.

“53 68 6f 63 6b 77 61 76 65 2c 20 79 6f 75 20 6d 61 6c 66 75 6e 63 74 69 6f 6e 69 6e 67 20 70 69 65 63 65 20 6f 66 20 6a 75 6e 6b 21” roared Metal Sonic in Hexadecimal tones.

“Enough,” dismissed Shockwave. “We will fight another day.” She jumped off Metroplex and transformed when she landed. Metal Sonic glared at the Autobots before flying after her.

“Good riddance to bad Xitran rubbish!” rumbled Metroplex’s voice over the intercom. “Farewell, wee friends!”

“Farewell, Metroplex,” bid Optimus. “Teletraan, bring us back to base.”

“You got it,” confirmed Teletraan. The assault team was beamed away.

---

Optimus sat in his office in normal robot mode, pondering over the day’s events. He heard the door chime. “Come in,” he called, welcoming a distraction. Prowl came in.

“Tails just started coming up with ideas to make an Emerald radar that doesn’t require having to find one first,” he reported. “The prototype should be ready within the month.”

“Any news on Station Square?” asked Optimus.

“Thankfully, the property damage was minimal to the point of nonexistence,” replied Prowl. “Our help wasn’t needed, but still appreciated. The Mayor would like to hold a parade in our name.”

“I’ll talk to him so we can arrange it,” answered Optimus. “Anything else?”

“No, Sir,” remarked Prowl.

“Very well,” sighed Optimus. Prowl turned to leave. “Are they worth it?”

“Pardon?” asked Prowl.

“Are emotions really worth it?” clarified Optimus. “It was desperation that made Shockwave make a last resort. Then again, logic made her forget basic morals. The problem becomes, what takes over in what situation?”

“Sir, with all due respect,” argued Prowl, “you’re falling into the same trap Shockwave did.”

“Come again?” asked Optimus.

“Usually, I would blame Star Trek for this kind of thing,” remarked Prowl, “but, Shockwave, in all likelihood, never bothered watching it. Logic and emotions are NOT mutually exclusive.”

“How do you figure?” quizzed Optimus.

“I’m going to use myself as the example,” explained Prowl. “My motto is ‘Logic is the Ultimate Weapon.’ However, if I relied on it on a day-to-day basis, I would have missed some opportunities, such as marrying Strongarm. I may say this in a teasing manner to her just to yank her chain, but Strongarm and I loved each other and wanted to spend our lives together, so marriage was the only logical option.”

“And you wouldn’t even tease her if you relied solely on logic,” replied Optimus, understanding him.

“Exactly, Sir,” confirmed Prowl. “It IS possible to use logic and emotion together. Spock and the other Vulcans got it all wrong, in my opinion, as did the rest of the Enterprise.” Optimus grinned.

“Thanks, Prowl,” bid Optimus.

“Just doing what I can, sir,” answered Prowl. He got up and left, leaving Optimus feeling better about his own emotion/logic balance.