“Take off your hat,” said the priest. Curlandii used her right hand to hold it. “Now raise your right hand.” She put the hat back on and raised her hand. “Now put your left hand here.” He pointed to the Codex. Curlandii then moved her cane into her right hand as she put her left onto the book.
“Take off your hat,” said Lardeth. Curlandii put her cane back in her left hand and used her right to take her hat off.
“Raise your right hand,” repeated the priest. She put the hat back on and raised her hand. “Now put your left hand here.” He pointed to the Codex. Curlandii then moved her cane into her right hand as she put her left onto the book.
“Please, take off your hat,” commanded Lardeth. Curlandii put her cane back in her left hand and used her right to take her hat off. The priest was losing patience.
“Raise your right hand!” he growled. Curlandii grunted in frustration as she put her hat back on and raised her hand. “Now put your left hand here!” She changed the cane’s position again!
“Will you please take off your hat?!” This time, Lardeth was losing patience. Curlandii took her hat off.
“Raise your right hand!” snarled the priest. Curlandii put the hat back on. “Now put your left hand here!” She changed the cane’s position again. At that moment, Lardeth had enough!
“TAKE OFF YOUR HAT!” Curlandii decided to solve the problem by putting the hat onto the cane’s handle.
“Raise your right hand!” growled the priest. She raised the cane. The priest grabbed the hat. “WILL YOU GET RID OF THAT HAT?!” he shouted. Curlandii put the hat on the priest’s head, hung the cane on Lardeth’s arm, and put both of her hands on the Codex.
“Raise YOUR right hand!” she said. The priest raised his hand, then realized what he was doing before he lowered his hand and took the hat off. He decided to hold both it and the Codex.
“Raise your right hand!” he snarled. She did so. “Doyousolemnlysweartotellthetruththewholetruthandnothingbutthetruth?” he asked.
“…Huh?” asked Curlandii.
“DOYOUSOLEMNLYSWEARTOTELLTHETRUTHTHEWHOLETRUTHANDNOTHINGBUTTHETRUTH?!”
“Are you trying to give me the double talk?” The priest tried to hold his tongue.
“Doyousolemnlysweartotellthetruththewholetruthandnothingbutthetruth?!”
“Why don’t you answer him?!” snapped Lardeth.
“He’s talking Boar-Fae!” replied Curlandii. “I don’t know what he’s saying!”
“He’s asking you if you swear-!”
“No, but I know all the words!”
“…He’s asking you if you promise to tell the truth!”
“Truth is stranger than fiction, Kingy-wingy!” Curlandii then waved at him.
“…Kindly address us as Your Majesty and take the oath!”
“Doyousolemnlysweartotellthetruththewholetruthandnothingbutthetruth?” asked the priest.
“Certainly! What have I got to lose?” replied Curlandii.
“Take the stand,” said Lardeth. Curlandii picked the chair up.
“Where do I put it?” she asked.
“No, no! Take the stand!”
“I got it, now what do I do with it?” The priest took the chair out of her hands and put it back onto the floor.
“SIT DOWN!” he said. Curlandii sat down, but she sat in a way that made her fall to the floor. Moru and Larima rushed to help her up.
“What’s the matter with you?!” snapped Moru. “You’re in the Royal Court, not in Clandii’s Pool Room!” She then bonked Curlandii on the head. “Sit down!”
“I’m a victim of circumstance!” argued Curlandii.
“Sit down!” said Larima as she smacked Curlandii’s head
“Who are you hitting?” snarled Moru as she poked Larima’s eyes. She then smacked Curlandii’s cheek before she and Larima returned to the bench.
“Proceed with the case,” ordered Lardeth as Curlandii put her bowler back on. Bujamiso then approached her.
“Were you in the Flights of Fancy café on the night of Jamfaf the forty-second?” he asked.
“Certainly!” confirmed Curlandii. As the questioning continued, Moru and Larima drew out a tic-tac-toe board on the bench.
“Did you, at that time, see the defendant, Sho Girla, in any way, shape, or form, commit or try to commit bodily harm to the deceased Milnaf Wilmurna?”
“I object, Your Majesty!” called the prosecutor. “The defense is trying to lead the witness!”
“Objection sustained,” replied Lardeth. As Bujamiso continued his questioning, the prosecutor sat on the tic-tac-toe game.
“Mrs. Hanorfal, did you see Ms. Sho Girla in physical fight with Milnaf Wilmurna?”
“If it pleases Your Grace,” interjected the prosecutor as she stood up, revealing the tic-tac-toe game on her rear end, “may I suggest that the defense allow the witness to testify as to what she saw.” Moru and Larima tried to end the game, but the prosecutor felt their hands and turned to see them. Moru and Larima tried to act like nothing happened.
“I say, Jasna,” said Moru, “what comes after 75?”
“76,” replied Larima.
“That’s the spirit!” agreed Moru.
“Request granted,” said Lardeth. “Proceed with the testimony.”
“Mrs. Hanorfal,” said Bujamiso, “kindly tell the Royal Court what you saw about the murder of Milnaf Wilmurna.”
“Well, it was like this, Mr. Royal-” began Curlandii.
“Address the King as Your Majesty!” hissed Bujamiso.
“Well, it was like this, My Majesty-”
“YOUR Majesty, not My Majesty!”
“Why, don’t you like him?”
“Allow the witness to proceed,” said Lardeth. “We understand her.”
“Thanks, Ol’ Kingaroo! You’re a pal!” After that, she gave her testimony. “Well, me and my gals, we’re musicians. We were tearing up some hot swing music in the orchestra. Sho over there was swinging her clouds. Her sweetie, Milnaf, was inhaling a bottle of hooch at a table,” she took her hat off, “and a hoofer by the name of Dingbat was getting ready to shake his tootsies.” With the amount of old Second Age slang in that sentence, everyone was left confused. The jury couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
“Kindly speak Realm Standard and drop the vernacular,” sighed Bujamiso. Curlandii looked at her hat.
“Vernacular? That’s a derby!”
“Drop the vernacular.” She dropped the hat. “No, no, not that! Talk so the jury can understand!”
“Is everybody dumb?! Say, Kingy, if you let me and my pals kinda act it out for you, we’ll show you just what happened!”
“If the Prosecution and Defense have no objections,” said Lardeth, “We think that’s a splendid idea.”
“No objections,” said the prosecutor.
“No objections,” agreed Bujamiso.
“No objections,” chuckled Curlandii. She then joined her friends on the other end of the throne room as Sho Girla changed her clouds so that everything below her knees and her stomach were exposed. She then formed a cloud boa. Moru put a harmonica in her mouth and blew a note. Larima took up her violin and ran the bow along the strings. Curlandii took up a pair of spoons. Moru then stomped her foot to set the beat, then they played their music as Sho Girla danced and stretched the cloud ball along her body in a teasing manner, giving flirty winks to everyone all the while. Soon, the Maidens stood up and Curlandii exchanged her spoons for a cello and attempted to run her bow across the strings, but it got caught on the strings. She released it and it flew across the room and into the priest’s mouth. She then spun the cello around before she just plucked the strings. Larima continued playing, getting lost in the music and, unbeknownst to her and the priest, used her bow to steal the poor man’s toupee. The toupee then touched her shoulder, and she got a look at it. Her eyes then widened in terror.
“A TARANTULA!” she cried. She swung her bow around, trying to get the toupee off. Moru managed to slap it off, then Curlandii found a hammer and swung it at the toupee. She also managed to smash Moru’s foot. After she hopped around to stop the pain, Moru smacked Curlandii.
“What’s the matter with you?!” she asked. The bailiff then approached the three and Moru swiped his wand from its holster. She fired five magic blasts and the priest realized what she was shooting at! “I killed it!” she announced.
“Stand back!” warned Larima as she used her bow to pick the remains up. “It’s liable to bite you!” Moru then realized what it really was and took it off the bow.
“Tarantula? Shot five holes in the divot!” She smacked Larima away. “Get out of here! Wasted five good sparks-!” The priest then took the ruined toupee out of her hands and put it back on his head.
“I’ll sue you for this!” he threatened.
“Oh, superstitious, eh?” replied Moru.
“Vice-eyed kid, huh?” agreed Curlandii.
“Ladies, you must control your killing instincts,” warned Lardeth. “Proceed with the testimony, please.”
“Proceed!” Moru ordered Curlandii before bonking her with her baton. She then blew into the harmonica and Curlandii plucked the cello’s strings. The two then finished their music as Sho Girla finished her dance routine. She then bowed before reforming her clouds into a slightly more conservative formation.
“That was sure hot, Moru!” said Curlandii as she slapped Moru’s back. Moru then swallowed the harmonica in surprise and coughed, making musical notes escape her. “Hey, Larima, listen!” called Curlandii. Once Larima joined them, Curlandii pressed an area on Moru’s tummy and made music come out. Larima tried and got the same results. They then played her like an old organ before she tried to cough the harmonica up. Curlandii gave her a swift kick and the harmonica came out. “You got it!” cheered Curlandii.
“Please omit the rest of the entertainment and continue,” ordered Lardeth.