“Now, Sho’s dance was over,” said Moru. “I stuck my head in the office door and I saw Milnaf and Dingbat arguing over by the wyvern cage.”
“What were they arguing about?” asked the prosecutor.
“I don’t know,” replied Moru, “but Dingbat was sizzling like a hot hamburger! He grabs Milnaf by the neck like that!” She grabbed Curlandii’s neck! “Then he drags her over to the paper press, see?” She dragged her to a paper press on the table. “Then he smacks her on the head like that!” Moru hit Curlandii on the head with a hammer. “Then he pokes her coconut into the paper press like that, see?” She stuck Curlandii’s head into the press and grabbed the wheel on top. “Then he says ‘I’ll squeeze the cider out of your Alalar’s Apple!’ Then he gives her the works like this!” She twisted the wheel and the press went down on Curlandii’s head. “And he keeps turning and twisting!” She then stopped. “And that, Lords and Ladies, is-” The press then rose so sharply that the wheel spun rapidly, then flew off its post and landed on Moru’s head. Curlandii managed to get out and indicated that she needed her jaws to work again. Moru smacked her jaw and she regained control of her mouth.
“What’s the matter, you wanna kill me?!” asked Curlandii.
“Quite preposterous!” snapped the prosecutor. “When the police broke into the office, they found the defendant, Sho Girla, standing over the body of a murdered woman clutching a wand-only crossbow in her hands!”
“Which only goes to prove that my client is innocent!” replied Bujamiso.
“Innocent?!”
“Yes, Ma’am, and I’ll prove it!” He picked up Exhibit A, a crossbow that only fired with a wand in its stock. “Lords and Ladies,” he said, “the action of this crossbow is so hard, it would take the strength of a Troll to pull the trigger!” He turned to Curlandii. “Try it.”
“I’m no Troll!” protested Curlandii.
“No, your jaw’s too small,” replied Moru. She then poked Curlandii’s eyes.
“So I’m a Troll,” said Curlandii once she recovered from the eyepoke.
“Pull the trigger!” directed Bujamiso. Curlandii tentatively took it. “Never fear, there’s no wand in there.” Curlandii tried to pull the trigger, but she was straining to do so. Her face was turning an alarming shade of purple in the attempt. Bujamiso, feeling secure on that front, turned to the jury. “Sho Girla’s strict exercise regimen has her focus more on her legs. So, tell me, how could her comparatively frail little finger pull the rusty trigger of that instrument of war?”
“Ain’t nothing in there,” sighed Curlandii. She then managed to pull the trigger and discovered that there WAS a wand in the stock! A magic blast leapt from the crossbow and strike Bujamiso in his rear end! He jumped in pain and ended up embracing a woman on the jury. The woman smiled, then leaned to him.
“Channel seven four three, extension nine nine seven two…after 40:00!” Bujamiso realized that she was flirting with him, then his attention as grabbed by Curlandii trying to get her finger out of the trigger guard. When he joined the struggle, she fired another shot that knocked the pendants off Moru and Larima’s necks.
“What did you do with my star pendant?!” Moru asked Larima.
“Give me that crossbow!” growled Bujamiso as Moru and Larima tried to help.
“DON’T POINT THAT THING AT ME!” yelped Larima. The crossbow fired one more shot and it took the priest’s toupee off, leaving a sear on his scalp. They finally got the crossbow away from her.
“You were called in to be a witness, right?!” Moru snarled at Curlandii.
“Certainly!” confirmed the larger Elf.
“So were you!” Larima said to Moru.
“What are you butting in for?!” Moru yanked on Larima’s hair. “You were supposed to be a good one!”
“Well, ain’t I?” asked Curlandii.
“Then what are you disturbing the Royal Court for?!” Moru tried to yank Curlandii’s hair, but it was too short. Curlandii gave her signature “Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk” and then blocked Moru’s eyepoke. Moru went for poking out a single eye. “Get going!” Moru pointed to the stand. Curlandii sat in the stand again and ate on a strip of gum. Lardeth rolled his eyes.
“Stop chewing that gum!” he called.
“Certainly!” Curlandii spat it out and started playing with it.
“WILL YOU THROW THAT GUM AWAY?!” Curlandii then tossed it.
“Look, I got rid of it!” She then saw that it landed on Moru’s nose. Larima then took a tissue and crept to Moru’s face.
“Hold still! I’ll get it!” She then closed her first on Moru’s nose. Moru protested, then Larima got all the gum off and stomped on it. She then cheered loudly. Moru grabbed her arm.
“You’re in the Royal Court, not in the woods, Talmazu!” She smacked Larima and dragged her away.
“Order in this court!” called Lardeth. As the Maidens sat down, the wyvern spoke.
“Find the letter! Find the letter!”
“What does this wyvern mean by ‘find the letter’?” asked Lardeth.
“There’s a whole pile of letters here,” said Moru. She and her friends then looked through the letters on the desk, then Moru saw something. “Look! There’s a note tied to the wyvern’s foot!” Moru opened the cage and held her finger out. “Come on, Wacky, Wacky, Wacky. Come on, Wacky, Wacky.” Her hand went for the note, then the wyvern bit her! “OUCH!” The wyvern flew off and buzzed the throne room. The Maidens armed themselves with hammers and tried to hit it, hurting the people in the process. It then perched itself on a light fixture.
“How are we gonna get it down?” asked Larima.
“Let’s get some salt and put it on his tail!” suggested Curlandii.
“That’s no way to get a wyvern!” said Moru. “You gotta wet its scales so it can’t fly!” Curlandii then got an idea.
“Don’t wait for me!” she said to her friends. Moru and Larima tried to climb the wall as Curlandii got the fire hose.
“I object, Your Majesty!” called the prosecutor as she was fed up. “This court! These proceedings!” The bailiff tried to stop Curlandii from using the hose, but it was too little, too late! Curlandii had already switched it on and a deluge of water erupted from the hose. The whole throne room got sprayed.
“What a night!” cackled the wyvern before the water knocked him off the fixture. As Curlandii and the bailiff tried to tie the hose, Moru took the note off the Wyvern’s foot.
“Get this!” she called. She then read the note aloud. “‘Who killed Milnaf? I killed Milnaf, and with my bow and arrow! Don’t try to find me and shove me off to Realmfleet Max. Signed Wingnut!’” Everyone cheered as Sho Girla’s name was cleared. Once Lardeth handed down the innocent verdict, the priest approached him and held out the Codex. Lardeth placed his left hand on it and raised his right.
“I, Lardeth Felompha, do solemnly swear,” began the Priest.
“I, Lardeth Felompha, do solemnly swear,” repeated Lardeth
“That I will execute my duties as King of the Over-realm faithfully.”
“That I will execute my duties as King of the Over-realm faithfully.”
“I will uphold the laws and dreams of my people.”
“I will uphold the laws and dreams of my people.”
“I will care for those that are in dire straits.”
“I will care for those that are in dire straits.”
“With the help of the now Mortal Divine Ones, I will not let evil corrupt my judgement.”
“With the help of the now Mortal Divine Ones, I will not let evil corrupt my judgement.”
“If necessary, I will give my life to save my people, should disaster strike.”
“If necessary, I will give my life to save my people, should disaster strike.”
“I hereby pronounce you King of the Over-realm!” The crowd cheered as Lardeth looked onwards.
At the port where the Endeavor and Malnar’s ship sat docked, Lardeth and Falnii saw Malnar, Gorfanth, Arsha, and Foresna off. “You call often, you hear?” urged Lardeth.
“Loud and clear, Princess,” replied Arsha. Her face then adopted a thoughtful look. “Wait, you’re the reigning monarch now. That nickname doesn’t suit you anymore.”
“Well, I don’t want it to change,” said Lardeth. “My lovers may still call me ‘Princess’.” He then adopted a pompous voice. “Thus is our Royal Decree!” That earned a laugh.
“Hey, Foxy, you’ll tell us when your coronation is, right?” asked Malnar.
“Of course!” replied Arsha. “Because after the ceremony, I have something for all of you.”
“Oh?” asked Gorfanth. “And what’s that?”
“That’s a secret for now,” replied Arsha.
“In the meantime, we’ll send you copies of our portraits,” promised Falnii.
“Gotta say, Princess,” mused Foresna, “the roses in your hairpiece really give it a nice splash of color. Why those colors, though?”
“Humor me for a bit and remind me what the national colors for each Realm are,” said Lardeth.
“Ah!” realized Foresna. Everyone then sighed.
“Well,” mumbled Arsha, “I’ll see you at my coronation.”
“Take care,” said Falnii. They all kissed one another, then Gorfanth and Malnar headed to their ship as Arsha and Foresna returned to the Endeavor.
“Captain on the bridge!” called Denstra as Arsha stepped onto the bridge.
“As you were,” directed Arsha. “Did our mission parameters come in?”
“Our mission,” reported Shalvey, “is to deliver supplies to the Largandra shipyards and then authorize the Endeavor’s peacetime overhaul.”
“That would be nice,” muttered Endea. “The weapons I got from my wartime overhaul are sticking into me!”
“Nazay,” said Arsha, “lay in a course for the Over-to-Mid Realmgate, then get us to the shipyards.”
“Course laid in,” replied Nazay.
“Nice and easy,” directed Arsha. The Endeavor rose into the air and flew off to the Realmgate.