Kamen Rider Vortex Kamen Rider Vortex Chapters

Chapter 23

After we rested from our training session, we assembled in the Gateway room. “Are we ready?!” I called, eager to try out my new strength. Everyone had confirmed. “CHARGE!” I shouted. We all ran for the Gateway, but nothing happened. The portal didn’t appear in the Gateway ring! I reared my horse back, warning everyone to stop, too little, too late. We all crashed into each other.


“If one of you older guys have their hand on my butt…!” hissed Emily.

“Apologies, my friend,” called Emmanuel, “that’s me. Trying to disentangle myself.”

“The portal never opened,” I said, answering Richard’s question. “We would have crashed into the Gateway.”

“What?” yelped Vortoranii. “X-PO, I thought you said you found a workaround for the passenger limit.”

“Passenger limit?” I asked.

“There was a limit on the Gateway once,” explained Vortoranii. “Only seven people could go into a dimension at once. I thought X-PO removed that for this crisis.”

“I…I’m sure I did!” spluttered X-PO. He zoomed over to the main computer under the connection between Gateway generator and platform. He keyed in some commands and then saw the problem. “Oh, I see,” he said.

“Did it malfunction?” I asked.

“No, more like I changed the code when I was disconnected,” answered X-PO. “When I was connected, I had made a workaround for the seven-traveler limit, hence why I could get you all to a dimension. When I was reassembled, I took the code for that workaround with me. It’s no longer in the Gateway. I can only send seven people to your destination.”

“How long would it take to remove that limit?” asked Lukas.

“Even with you, Batman, Rusty, Sheela, Irina, the Brigadier, and myself,” replied X-PO, “too long.”

“We don’t have the time to fix it,” I resolved. “We’ll have to pick seven. The first five are obvious, those who carry the Keystones. All that’s left are two more.”

“I’m coming with!” called Richard.

“Yeah right!” hissed Emily. “I’m coming with!”

“Non!” protested Emmanuel. “It’s me!”

“Nein! Me!” shouted Lukas.

“Why should you go?!” snarled Sheela. “I barely did anything when getting the Keystones!”

“A tough decision,” mused X-PO, “requires a tough method of choosing. Keystone bearers, please get on the Gateway Pad.” I got on the circle part while Wyldstyle and Gandalf flanked my left and Batman and Hongo flanked my right. “If the rest of the Riders could get in a circle,” called X-PO. They managed to get into a circle. A circular trapdoor opened, revealing a screen with two rotating arrows. “This is the Roulette Reader,” explained X-PO. “It takes the coordinates of the destination and reads who is most qualified to help you through the dimension.” Game show lights then flashed everywhere. “It’s time for a bit of Rider Chance!” Holographic showgirls then appeared and started dancing, the Gateway Pad flashed, the arrows spun and stopped at different people, and X-PO started dancing in the air. Catchy, upbeat music was playing, but it didn’t calm our nerves.

“Guys,” whimpered Emily, “this whole thing’s doing me a frighten!”

“Don’t chicken out now!” called Richard. “I’m scared too!”

“And the ones going to this dimension shall be…” began X-PO. A drum roll sounded as the arrows spun in circles, one going clockwise, the other counterclockwise. One landed on “Emily!” announced X-PO. Emily jumped a few times, clapping her hands and giggling like a child. The other arrow stopped on “and Tanisha!” finished X-PO.

“All right!” cheered Tanisha. She and Emily joined us on the Gateway Pad.

“Now, are we ready?” I asked. My team confirmed. “CHARGE!” I called. This time, the Gateway opened a portal and we jumped in.

We arrived at a room that was white and metal. We looked around. “This doesn’t look like a bakery,” observed Batman, remembering the Foundation Element we had to get for X-PO.

“We went to the past,” recalled Wyldstyle. “Maybe this is a futuristic space-bakery?”

“Something about this dimension seems familiar,” mused Emily.

“Déjà vu?” asked Tanisha.

“Is that you?” quizzed a computerized, monotone, woman’s voice. Emily and Tanisha tensed up.

“Not her!” gulped Tanisha.

“How did you escape from your…?” began the voice before it stopped. “…No. You’re not her. You’re just another unwelcome visitor.”

“Uh, good lady?” asked Gandalf as he took off his hat and tried to locate the source of the voice. “Are you the proprietor of this establishment? We wish to buy a cake.”

“Cake?” replied the voice. “Why do they always want the cake?”

“Emily, let’s get it out of our system now,” muttered Tanisha.

“Good idea,” agreed Emily. They turned to face us.

“The cake is a lie!” they yelled together. The reference went over our heads as we gave confused looks.

“So, you actually have a cake?” asked Batman to the voice.

“We can pay!” continued Gandalf as he took out a coin.

“Yes,” replied the voice. “Yes, you WILL pay. But first, a test.” A circular sliding door opened behind us. We went through and entered the next room labelled Test Chamber 01. “Welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided Enrichment Center,” welcomed the voice.

“What’s this?” asked Wyldstyle. “Lord Business’ R&D Department?”

“No,” replied Tanisha, “the lair of the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, GLaDOS, for short. We’re in the world of Portal.”

“GLaDOS will throw everything at us to make us fall slowly into madness and death,” continued Emily. “Without the portal gun, she may get that.”

“You say that in front of those that control Keystones,” I answered. I then noticed an orange portal on an upper ledge above some dirty looking liquid. I noticed a Keystone transmitter in front of the portal. Behind the transmitter, in the portal, was Batman looking down. I turned and saw Batman beside me. He was looking at a blue portal that showed us down below. I then got an idea. “Hongo-san,” I directed, “see if you can get the transmitter down to our level.”

“Got it,” confirmed Hongo. He jumped up and kicked the transmitter through the orange portal and came out through the blue portal.

“That’s not how you use that,” called GLaDOS. She shut off the portals.

“We don’t need those portals,” replied Batman. “Shift Keystone, activate! Yellow, on the overhanging panel! Magenta, in the observation room! Cyan, near the transmitter!” The portals appeared in their assigned places. “Shift! Emily! Magenta!” Emily jumped into the portal.

“Unauthorized portal detected,” observed GLaDOS. “Until the source can be identified, please press the Aperture Science Switch ahead of you.”

“I thought these kinds of rooms were beyond your notice,” mused Emily as she pressed a button on a cylinder in front of her. “Besides, shouldn’t you have received a shock for giving me the answer? Or even a hint?”

“I suppose I turned off those circuits,” replied GLaDOS. “My bad.”

“Passive aggressive to the end,” observed Tanisha.

“I’M passive aggressive?” asked GLaDOS.

“As for us,” I continued, “we’re just full blown aggressive.”

“That makes no sense,” stammered GLaDOS. “Why would you say you’re aggressive? Logic error detected. Please proceed into the Chamberlock after completing each test.”

“Shift! Emily! Yellow!” announced Batman. Emily ended up on another platform with another button.

“Logic error detected,” called GLaDOS. “Subject should not have been able to enter that part of the testing chamber without the aid of an Aperture Science Handheld Portal device.” A cube dropped into a closed chamber. “Please attempt to place the Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube on the fifteen-hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button.”

“Batman, could you send Gandalf up here?” asked Emily.

“Shift! Yellow! Gandalf!” announced Batman. Gandalf appeared next to Emily and used his magic to put the cube onto the button.

“Logic error detected,” droned GLaDOS. “Subject should not have been able to move the Weighted Storage Cube in this way.”

“It’s magic,” I replied, “we don’t need to explain it.” We entered the adjacent room and found the elevator. We soon arrived at Test Chamber 02.

“You’re doing very well,” said GLaDOS. “That is to say, I suspect you were cheating on that last test. Cheating is wrong and, ultimately, the only person who loses when you cheat is yourself. For instance, like the other human, you might lose your freedom, or your mind, or some teeth. I will be monitoring your behavior more closely in the future. Now, on with the next test.”

“Other human?” I quizzed. “What are you talking about?!”

“Did I say ‘human?’” asked GLaDOS. “I meant sentry turret.”

“That is a bald-faced lie, you 8-megabyte twit!” insulted Emily.

“…Not dignifying that,” answered GLaDOS. “Proceed with the test and try not to cheat.”

“Guys!” called Wyldstyle. “I see a red chroma disc in that tube up there!”

“We need to open it,” I declared, “and find the other discs.”

“Emily,” requested Batman. “Mind going into Batman Steel? I see a grapple hook over on the wall.”

“Got it!” called Emily as she drew out her i.d tag. “Henshin!” After changing, she swapped the i.d tag for Batman’s.

“Batman Steel!” announced her belt. She then pulled out the grapple gun and fired it. Batman did the same with his and they yanked the wall off. Inside was a man in traveler’s clothes. He was Japanese and looked half crazed from being in isolation.

“Get him out of there!” I yelled. We got him out and looked him over. Physically, he was all right, but his mental state was in question. He finally opened up from his fetal position and looked at us.

“Is this a dream?” he asked, shakily.

“No, sir,” I assured him in a relaxing tone. “I am Hishikawa Megumi.” I heard Touché cancel her transformation. “These are Emily Saunders and Batman, the ones who rescued you.”

“Hello!” called Emily as she bowed to him, the proper way to greet someone in Japan instead of a handshake.

“Nice to meet you,” rasped Batman as he bowed.

“This is Tanisha Akintola,” I introduced.

“Hello,” greeted Tanisha as she bowed.

“That’s Wyldstyle,” I continued.

“How’s it going?” asked Wyldstyle as she grinned.

“That’s Gandalf the Grey,” I went on.

“Good day,” greeted Gandalf.

“And that’s Takeshi Hongo,” I finished.

“Good to meet you out of your suit, OOO,” (pronounced O’s) said Hongo as he bowed.

“You know me?” asked the man.

“I know of your rider name,” replied Hongo. “I’m the first Kamen Rider.” The man’s face brightened.

“Now I remember you!” he cheered. “I don’t think we’ve properly introduced ourselves when the Showa and Heisei riders had their feud. I’m Hino Eiji.” He got up and bowed.

“Rider name?” I asked, echoing Hongo’s words. “You’re a Kamen Rider as well?”

“Kamen Rider OOO,” confirmed Eiji as he drew out a black slate with blue lines running all over it and three slots with windows on the front. “This is the OOO driver, the belt I use to transform with.”

“Please, go ahead and bore me to death while talking to the previous cheater,” called GLaDOS.

“You shut up,” snarled Tanisha, “or we’ll go into your major databanks with an electromagnetic axe, you circuit crossed dolt!”

“Sticks and stones may break my metaphorical bones,” replied GLaDOS, “but your words are just annoyances I can ignore.”

“Minna,” called Eiji, “there’s a button that connects somewhere in here.”

“Judging by the blue line that indicates connections to a part of the puzzle,” observed Tanisha, “I’d say that it operates the tube the chroma disc is in.”

“Then let’s press it and find the others,” I declared. I did the honors and freed the chroma disc. Now, two more discs left. A panel wobbled beneath Tanisha’s feet. We pulled it out and found the blue chroma disc. Wyldstyle used her scanner to find a control panel hidden in the wall. She pressed some buttons and released the yellow chroma disc from its prison. “Now,” I muttered, “we need to find a transmitter.”

“No need,” replied Vortoranii. “I now provide such functions.”

“…Thanks, we could have used that earlier,” I groaned. “Find the Chroma Lock.”

“I found it!” called Wyldstyle. It had a red circle, a blue left L-shape, and a green right L-shape. “Chroma Keystone, activate!” The lock design appeared in the floor. “Chroma! Red! Eiji!” I pushed Eiji into the red paint.

“What are you trying to do?!” he yelped.

“Just step into the circle bit,” I assured in a relaxing tone. Eiji did as asked.

“Chroma! Blue! Batman!” called Wyldstyle. Batman jumped into the blue paint and landed on the left L shape. “Chroma! Yellow! Tanisha!” Tanisha stepped into the yellow paint and got in the right L shape. Batman then joined Tanisha. The chroma lock revealed a panel that came up from the floor.

“Look at us,” joked GLaDOS, “making scientific discoveries together. Please use the Aerial Faith Plate to proceed but be careful. It has a weight limit and I worry that you may exceed it.” Flame projectors then descended from the ceiling just barely scratching the surface of our arc if we used the Aerial Faith Plate (jump pad) now. Another jump pad path would have us go through active Tesla plates. Gandalf puffed on his pipe for a while as if he were thinking on how to proceed. I grinned.

“All right, keep your secret,” I said to the wizard.

“Beg pardon?” he asked, acting as if I had interrupted his train of thought.

“I know you have a way to get us all there,” I observed.

“Good gracious me!” called Gandalf, acting surprised.

“We DID nab some powers that you’ve mastered,” I reminded.

“Indeed?” asked Gandalf.

“Powers that allow us to get across natural obstacles,” I continued.

“If you’re referring to the Elemental Keystone,” countered Gandalf, “I haven’t yet mastered giving you all a power. All I did was try things out on you individually.”

“Whatever the case,” I declared, “we need to be on fire, literally.”

“WHAT?!” shrieked Eiji.

“Elemental Keystone, activate!” called Gandalf. “Element of fire, all allies!” The red aura surrounded us. We were immune to fire now.

“If I may lead?” asked Emily. She tried out the jump pad and landed safely on the other side. “Heavyset and fabulous girl: 1, Passive aggressive machine: 0!” she called out.

“Congratulations,” droned GLaDOS. “I always believed in you and your ability to do that thing that you just did.”

“I guess sarcasm is this thing’s only language,” muttered Wyldstyle as the rest of us rejoined Emily.

“Element of lightning, all allies!” announced Gandalf. We used another jump pad and went through the lightning, landing on another jump pad that landed us at another puzzle with electric coils and a button.

“We’re gonna need a person on each coil and a button presser,” I observed. “Eiji, you take that coil, I’ll take this one, and Tanisha can press the button.” My coil activated hard light barriers over small pools of a liquid I was sure was acid and Eiji’s coil activated pushers for a small ball that Emily released with the button. It landed in its slot at the bottom and it opened a door and activated a jump pad.

“Well done,” intoned GLaDOS. “Although, you obviously have abilities that are not listed in my database and are using them to complete the tests. In other words, you’re cheating.” We used the jump pad and entered the door to the elevator which took us to Test Chamber 03. “As a punishment for your recent cheating, I have added several Aperture Science Sentry Turrets to the following test. I didn’t want to do that, but you left me little choice. I’m very sorry.”

“Lying, as usual, you sparking malfunction,” hissed Tanisha. The sentry turrets were on three legs and had a single red eye with a laser sight. The hallway terminated with a pool of acid. Another path led us down to a platform with a tube on the ceiling with a grapple hook.

“These tests are getting more and more deadly,” rasped Batman as he fired his grapple gun. He yanked down the tube and released another person! This was a man in a red suit and tie.

“Kōsei-san!” called Eiji.

“Who now?” I asked as I helped the man up.

“That’s Kōgami Kōsei,” explained Eiji as he helped me. “He’s the one who provided me with equipment to fight my main enemy, the Greeed.” Kōsei then groaned and opened his eyes.

“Where am I?” he asked.

“You’re in another dimension,” I replied. “This place is run by an evil machine that wants to kill us.”

“I simply need you to complete the tests without cheating,” countered GLaDOS, “the turrets should prevent you from cheating.”

“Another dimension?” cheered Kōsei. He then grinned. “SUBARASHI!” (Wonderful!) “The birth of new possibilities has arrived! Happy Birthday to the proof of other universes!”

“…Happy Birthday?” I whispered to Eiji.

“He says that a lot when something begins,” explained Eiji.

“And another person’s birthday is coming today,” continued Kōsei as he pulled out a strange gun. It looked like it had a bag attached to its underside and a single slot for something circular. “If I could have the Taka (hawk) Medal you have?” said Kōsei. Eiji pulled out a cracked red coin with a gold border and handed it to Kōsei. Kōsei then put the medal into the slot on the gun and closed it. “Inside the bag,” he explained, “are enough Cell Medals to give our old friend a body, with a few Core Medals as well. This gun should fix the broken Taka Medal and restore his consciousness and body. I researched how the alchemists made the medals, so this should work, in theory.” He then raised the gun into the air.

“Anyone know what’s going on?” asked Wyldstyle.

“If only Hiroki were here,” I muttered, “he’d know the answer.”

“He’s talking about the Greeed that helped me become OOO,” explained Eiji. “The Greeed are made of silver coins called Cell Medals. The things that determine their bodies are colored medals called Core Medals. The Greeed that helped me gather Cell Medals was a red, bird themed one called Ankh. He gave his life to help me save the planet.”

“And his mind was in the broken Medal you gave Kōsei-san?” I guessed.

“That’s right,” confirmed Eiji. He turned to Kōsei. “Go ahead.” Kōsei pulled the trigger, releasing red light. Cell Medals came out of the bag as well as five red Medals, this Ankh character’s Core Medals, I guessed. He fired into the red light with the broken Medal as the ammo. It fixed the crack in itself as all the Medals coalesced to make a humanoid shape. It crouched down, then came up, spreading its limbs out and releasing red light. The light then made a shape around the Medals and made a new shape. Its left arm and legs were mummified, the right arm had talons and rings with a set of tiny, folded, feathery wings, a red jacket with a feathery design, and a bird-like head with green eyes. The creature examined itself, then started preening itself like a bird.

“I have to say, Eiji,” snarked the creature, “I didn’t think you could get me back.”

“Ankh!” called Eiji.

“Happy Birthday, Ankh!” cheered Kōsei.

“Oh, great,” moaned the creature, Ankh, “the Ham’s here.” Ankh then looked around. “Where IS here, anyways?”

“Aperture Science,” I explained. Ankh then noticed us.

“And who are you?” he asked.

“Well, that’s rude,” I hissed. “It’s polite to introduce yourself before asking questions.”

“Tch,” said Ankh. “If you must know, I’m Ankh, a Greeed that needs Medals to survive. Normally, I can do so by creating Yummies, monsters of just Cell Medals with no Cores.”

“Your endless talking and not testing is causing my sanity functions to decay at a quicker rate than SHE did,” snarled GLaDOS.

“‘SHE’ being the main protagonist of Portal, Chell,” explained Emily.

“If you’ll excuse me,” I answered. “Locate Keystone, activate! Initiate rift detection!” I walked down the lower hall and found the rift near the entrance of the hall with turrets. “Identify source of rift!” The information beamed into my head. “Well, what do you know?” I mused. “That dimension pulls through again! Locate help from W-1-Z-4-R-D-0-F-0-Z!”

“Oz?” asked Emily. “What could help us there?” She got her answer as one of the Talking Trees appeared.

“Deploying,” droned the turrets in a cute, electronic voice as two barreled guns popped out from the sides and fired on the tree.

“Hey!” shouted the tree. “What are those things doing, shooting at me?! Take that, you little scamps!” He threw his dead limbs at the turrets, knocking them over and having them shoot at nowhere. Eventually, they deactivated.

“Critical error,” announced one of the turrets. The tree then turned to us and recognized us.

“You again?!” he roared. “Oh, you!”

“Dismiss help!” I yelped. The tree was sucked into the rift, rather quickly, I might add, and we gained passage into the level above us.

“What was that?!” snapped Ankh.

“Perhaps, another unauthorized element?” quizzed GLaDOS. “How can I test with so many variables?”

“That, my greedy friend and Madame Rigid clod,” I explained, “is the power of a Keystone.”

“I’ve already experienced two before,” supplied Eiji. “One of them, you have to paint yourself to unlock areas, another allows you to use the elements.”

“And I think we’ll have to change size for the next one,” continued Hongo as we walked down the formerly turret infested hall. “Scale Keystone, activate! Lessen scale of Ankh!” Ankh shrunk down.

“Now, Ankh-san,” I said, “I need someone to crawl into that vent and cause some damage inside there. Do so, and I’ll see to it that whatever Cell Medals we acquire will go to you.”

“And I can get you two years’ worth of popsicles!” offered Eiji.

“Considering I need you lot to get out of here,” mused Ankh, “I see no reason to refuse. Just warn me when use the Keystones on me again, all right?” He entered the vent.

“Oh no, where have you gone?” asked GLaDOS. “I can’t see you anywhere. How could you possibly have escaped?” She dropped the sarcasm. “You know my cameras have zoom-lenses, don’t you?”

“Guys, can you increase my size to a giant’s height?” asked Ankh from inside the wall.

“Yes, why?” I asked.

“I have an idea,” hinted Ankh.

“Something you want to share with the class?” I asked.

“Not yet,” replied Ankh.

“Okay,” I sighed. “Hongo-san, go ahead.”

“Enlarge scale of Ankh,” announced Hongo. A giant Ankh then burst through the wall and swept aside the turrets that were in front of us. “Normalize scale of Ankh,” said Hongo. Ankh preened himself with pride. A massive glass cage with a giant turret inside popped up from a panel in the floor.

“Deploying Prototype Super Deadly Mega Turret in 3, 2, 1!” reported GLaDOS. The turret started firing from inside the cage.

“Allow me to handle this,” offered Gandalf. He used his magic to lift the turret, making it sing a note, shattering the glass cage it rested in. He then moved it to other glass barriers, shattering them, then threw it into the acid pool. Eiji and Kōsei then went up ramps that popped up from the floors to the areas where the glass cages were and pressed the buttons there, making another ramp pop up and head to a door, which unlocked.

“The Aperture Science computer-aided Enrichment Center congratulates you on yet another amazing job,” droned GLaDOS. “Go you.” The door led to an elevator which went to Test Chamber 04. “This test room is impossible,” called GLaDOS. “The enrichment center apologizes for this clearly broken test chamber.” It consisted of three pressure switches and two large boxes. We needed help.

“Locate Keystone, activate!” I announced. “Initiate rift detection!” The crack was near the door. “Identify source of rift!” The information was beamed into my head. “Locate help from B-4-C-K-T-0-T-H-3-F-U-T-U-R-3!” I directed. Another dimension I happened to like. The Time Train barreled through and destroyed the boxes. The crew popped out. Marty had grown older and was in cowboy clothes, Doc Brown and Clara were about to hit their twilight years, and their sons, Jules and Verne, were old enough to have jobs.

“Great Scott!” called Marty.

“Doc Brown?” yelped Batman. “What are you doing here?”

“When are we?” asked Jules.

“At this point, it’s where,” replied Tanisha. “You’re in Aperture Science, in another dimension.”

“Another dimension?” asked Marty.

“Another universe, like when Biff Tannen married your mom,” elaborated Emily.

“Don’t remind m…how do you know?!” asked Marty.

“Because we’re from other dimensions too,” I explained. “Your dimension is a work of fiction, set in three movies surrounding your adventures in time when you were a teen.”

“I see,” cheered Doc Brown. “So, we didn’t travel in time. I thought so, given that that saloon girl stole the Flux Capacitor in the lamp.”

“Saloon girl?” I asked.

“Some Asian woman,” replied Marty. “She called herself…Eagle…I think. Her accent was thick.”

“Igura!” I hissed. “So, the Flux Capacitor was the Foundation Element of your world!”

“Foundation Element?” asked Clara.

“We’ll explain later,” I assured, “I promise on my honor as the reigning monarch of the Feudal Nerd Society. But the time and place for explanations is not here, not now.”

“Feudal Nerd Society?” quizzed Marty. “I thought ‘nerd’ was an insult.”

“Not in my time or my universe,” I replied. “In any case, you’re not supposed to be here. I’ll get you back.”

“Thank you,” cheered Doc Brown as he and his family and friend boarded the Time Train.

“Dismiss help,” I directed. The train and its passengers disappeared into the vortex.

“Oh, you fixed it,” hissed GLaDOS. “How…wonderful. You know, I was joking when I said it was impossible. That was part of the test and you didn’t give up. You kept going despite knowing everything you were doing was futile. Just like the inherent pointlessness of your existence.”

“Says the pointless malfunctioning machine,” quipped Tanisha. The boxes that the Time Train destroyed revealed two buttons, one surrounded by electricity, the other surrounded by fire.

“Gandalf,” I requested.

“Elemental Keystone, activate!” announced Gandalf. “Element of fire, Megumi! Element of lightning, Emily!” We were surrounded by the respective auras and pressed the buttons that corresponded to our elements. Panels came out from the ceiling and the floor as an energy ball came from the wall and was deflected by the panels to the other wall, undoing the first lock to the door.

“Shift Keystone, activate!” announced Batman. “Cyan, in the left alcove! Yellow, in the middle alcove! Magenta, in the right alcove! Shift! Batman! Cyan! Shift! Eiji! Yellow! Shift! Kōsei! Magenta!” Eiji and Kōsei were caught off guard as they were sucked into the portal. Ankh laughed as he turned into Cell Medals before reforming into a human shape. His disguise was a man with hair swept and curling to the right with the left part shaved. He wore a short-sleeved jacket with a red right sleeve over a white shirt. He wore red pants and tennis shoes. His right hand and forearm still stayed in its Greeed shape.

“Now I’ve seen everything!” laughed Ankh. “Happy Birthday to a surprised Kōgami!” The three men had triggered pressure switches that directed an energy ball to go down a certain path. It entered another socket on the other end and undid the second lock, allowing us access to the elevator.

“You must be very proud of yourself,” droned GLaDOS. “You, *SUBJECT NAME HERE*, must be the apple of *SUBJECT’S FATHER’S NAME HERE*’s eye.” We entered the elevator and went up to Test Chamber 05. “For this next test,” called GLaDOS, “Thermal Discouragement Beams have been added to the testing environment. Health and Safety would advise you to avoid contact with those lasers, however, the Health and Safety office is closed today, so, please, disregard that advice. In addition, the Aperture Science computer-aided Enrichment Center has employed the help of two mutations.”

“Mutations?” I asked. That’s when Turretorg arrived with a friend. It was a monster that had crab claws as well as crab legs draping from its back but stood on two humanoid legs and had hands under the claws. The monster seemed to be based off the Spider crab in Japan. It certainly had the face for it, with a human face underneath. I had a distinct feeling Vortech had a hand in this. Ankh tensed up.

“A Yummy?!” he yelped.

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