Chapter 57

We returned to Vorton, the other teams I sent looking very sorry for themselves. “Heather was in Godzilla’s universe too,” I answered the unspoken question. “She had all the parts.”

“First Vortech, and now this!” wailed Wyldstyle.

“I wouldn’t go off half-cocked,” I assured.

“Neither would I,” replied 70-year-old me. She looked around. “Where’s the old woman?”

“What old woman?” asked Richard.

“The one older than me!” answered 70-year-old me.

“Er, I think she found a way to her own time,” remarked Lacey.

“What, was this lady someone from the future?” asked Richard.

“Yeah, me at 200 years,” I replied. “This lady’s me at 70.”

“70?!” yelped Haitao.

“She can’t be!” protested Joshua.

“And Heather having another Apocalypse Driver will actually work out for us,” commented 70-year-old me.

“HOW?!” asked Haitao.

“We’ll explain later,” I assured. “In the meantime, boys! Boys! It’s time for…where’d they go?”

“Who?” asked Richard.

“Moe, Larry, and Curly,” I explained.

“The Three Stooges?” asked Richard.

“Yeah,” I replied. “They were plucked up from their plumbing business and deposited in Godzilla’s universe.”

“I didn’t see the Stooges,” answered Richard. “All I did was send our new plumbers to fix the leak. Er, that’s plumbers as in pipe working, not intergalactic police officers.”

“What leak? What plumbers?!” I asked.

“There’s a leak in the basement,” replied Richard. “The plumbers looked very familiar. One of them was bald, as big as me, and spoke in a falsettoooooOOOOOH GOD!”

“YOU IDIOT! YOU SENT THE STOOGES TO FIX A LEAK!” I shouted. We ran for the basement while 70-year-old me spoke with the other teams about our adventures there. We bumped into Mario, thank goodness. “Mario, how bad did the Stooges mess up the plumbing?”

“It’s-a crazy!” yelled Mario. “It’s-a getting into the electrical systems! I-a turned on a light and the bulb burst-a with water!”

“How is that…never mind!” I sighed. “After we chase them out of here, do you mind fixing it up?”

“Sure,” replied Mario. “No charge, given that you-a had to deal with idiots.” He then grabbed a pipe wrench and made for the basement. We heard the commotion. “HEY YOU IDIOTS!” roared Mario. “GET OUTTA HERE!” The Stooges made their scared noises and started running around the basement until they ran up the stairs, bowling Richard and I over! Mario followed them and we followed Mario. He chased them into the Gateway room.

“GET THAT PORTAL OPEN!” I ordered. “THE STOOGES ARE GOING HOME!” X-PO opened a portal and Linda, Emily, and I punched the Stooges into the portal. After we made sure they were gone, Mario went to the basement to fix the damage. I then sat down on the Gateway pad as 70-year-old me continued from when the Kaiju-Riser made us grow as well as the Kaiju-men. When she finished, Emily had a wicked grin.

“So, she’s going to get an impure body?” she remarked. She then turned to Lacey. “Sorry, I was just…”

“Save it,” assured Lacey. “I knew what you were going for. I understand.”

“So, where do we go after she starts building the belt?” I asked my future.

“Outside After Academy,” replied 70-year-old me. “Of course, fight at your hardest. You don’t want her finding out until it’s too late for her.”

“Right,” I declared. I then noticed Professor Paradox with two other girls. They were of Japanese descent, but I could see some European traces, red hair and green eyes. I’d say they were twins, given that they looked alike, aside from one wearing a large pink princess gown and the other dressing like she was a film noir detective. “And who are they?” I asked.

“Kaede Hishikawa,” answered the film noir girl in the film noir tone.

“And I’m Kaitlyn Hishikawa! Her twin!” cheered the princess girl in a bubbly tone.

“I think they figured that out,” muttered Kaede.

“Hishikawa?” I asked. “Hiroki, are they relatives?”

“I don’t know! I never met them!” remarked Hiroki.

“You’ll see them again,” assured 70-year-old me. “I remember you in the hospital when they were born.”

“Oh, so I was made an honorary uncle?” asked Hiroki.

“Not honorary, Nee-san,” corrected 70-year-old me. “You ARE their uncle. They’re my daughters.”

“Wait, my kids from the future are here?!” I yelped.

“You’ll make some beautiful kids!” praised Richard.

“You’re gonna help,” supplied 70-year-old me.

“Wait, what?!” yelped Richard. His parents then started glaring at him. “I swear, I never went that far with Megumi!”

“Quit panicking!” assured 70-year-old me. “They’re born after we married!” Richard and his parents then released their breath.

“Thank goodness,” he sighed. “I thought I lost my man card.”

“No, you help raise them,” replied Professor Paradox.

“Wait, if I marry Richard, why do my daughters take my last name?” I asked. “In Japan and in most cases in the US, it’s the wife that takes her husband’s surname.”

“I don’t know,” mused Richard. “I’d want my kids to take the surname of the most powerful family member. If she’s your direct future and not a parallel one, I’d say having your kids take your family name is all right.”

“Well, if you’re sure,” I replied. I wasn’t going to argue that point. “So, anyways, how did your escapades go?”

“Our little trip had a successful secondary mission,” remarked Xiomara. “Sludgiona is back with her people. They’re in the new Tarlax 14 and are hearing tales of her adventures. She’ll be coming here later.”

“So, she’s cured!” I cheered.

“All you need to say is ‘thank you’,” replied Emily.

“Thank you?” I asked. She started singing.

What can I say except

You’re welcome!

I’m just an ordinary Demi-guy!

“Don’t start THAT again!” snapped Richard.

“Sheesh, Aunt Emily’s been like that since the beginning!” remarked Kaede.

“Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” boasted Emily.

“Well, you ARE entitled to be that way,” replied Professor Paradox. “You will be the one who delivers them soon as a…never mind, that’s too much.”

“In any case, congratulations,” cheered Emily. “I hope I get the chance to read to them when they were babies, like I did with Nell.”

“Nell?” I asked.

“Our cousin,” explained Richard. “Emily would read to her a lot when she was a baby. Cutest little thing you’ve ever seen!”

“She was a biter, though,” warned Emily. “Everything went right into her mouth. And somehow, looking at Nell made me think there was gonna be a girl in our family’s future. I somehow figured it was Richard.”

“…What’s THAT supposed to mean?” asked Richard.

“What? Nothing,” replied Emily. “Just had a feeling, that’s all.”

“No, I get it!” snapped Richard. “Your brother’s too much of a wimp to have a son, is that it?! I know that’s how you see it!”

“Oh, my g…ARE YOU FOR REAL??!!” shouted Emily. “You’re such a paranoid fat-head! Emphasis on fat!”

“Well, you always make fun of me, Wide-load!” answered Richard.

“Okay, give me a little credit here, Porky!” snapped Emily.

“EMILY AND RICHARD SAUNDERS! NOT IN FRONT OF GUESTS!” shouted Linda.

“Come on, you two, you’re better than this!” supplied Fred. Emily and Richard subsided and mumbled apologies to each other.

“Wow, never heard Grandma raise her voice at them,” said Kaitlyn.

“Probably too old to put up with it,” said Kaede.

“Moving on,” I said. “Emmanuel, you and Xiomara need to tell us everything.”