We were dodging rubble of all sorts as we sped along the streets of New York. We were busting ghosts on the way and trapping them. “Good thing we have all the traps with us!” called Peter.
“Yeah, but it’s really uncomfortable!” remarked Hongo. We then stopped abruptly.
“What gives, Winston?!” snapped Peter. “We’re only halfway there!”
“Believe me, I DIDN’T want to stop, but a web’s blocking us!” replied Winston. We looked outside to see that Ecto-1 was, as Winston said, blocked by a large spider web.
“What kind of ghost does that?” asked Hongo.
“A ghost from your past!” replied a voice. A humanoid monster then came up to us and attacked Hongo. It had spider fangs, a pair of red antennae, three compound eyes in a triangular shape, a web cape, and claws on his fingers.
“Kumo-otoko!” (Spider-man) snarled Hongo.
“Who’s he?!” asked Peter.
“The first of the Shocker monsters I took down!” answered Hongo. He took off his pack and fought with Kumo-otoko. “Get going!” he called. “Cut the web down!”
“You heard the new guy!” ordered Peter. We threw our streams at the web and burned it.
“Rider…HENSHIN!” announced Hongo. He transformed into Ichigō and attacked Kumo-otoko. Well, tried to, his attacks just went through the monster. I grabbed a PKE meter and got a reading!
“HONGO! HE’S A GHOST!” I yelled as I pointed my wand at the monster. Ichigō then got out of the way as I got Kumo-otoko in the trap. We were about to go, but someone decided to slime the window!
“You again?!” snapped Ichigō as he changed back. It was Slimer. He was spluttering angrily. We were about to fire again, but Egon stopped us.
“I think he’s trying to tell us something,” observed Egon. Slimer slimed the windshield and wrote out what he was saying. “I tried to warn you at the hotel,” read Egon, “but you didn’t listen. My presence there was to relay messages for a ghost resistance against Gozer’s next rise. Zuul and Vinz Clortho have already taken their former hosts and are on top of Spook Central. They’ve already started the ritual and now you’ve trapped the soldiers needed to resist Gozer in the event that a form is chosen for it. It’s not going to be the Stay Puft Marshmallow man again. You idiots have just weakened our only chance of getting through the nightmare of Gozer.” We were stunned.
“I think we better release the ghosts,” suggested Ray.
“This is a one-time deal, spud,” clarified Peter. “After that, it’s business as usual.” Slimer nodded as we opened up the traps. They weren’t too happy, even Kumo-otoko.
“Do you know how cramped it is in there?!” he roared.
“Kumo-otoko,” assured Hongo, “we know your mission here. We made a mistake, but we’re willing to help.”
“Oh, really?” asked Kumo-otoko.
“Help us beat Gozer and we can get you a better place in the afterlife,” replied Xiomara.
“…If you double-cross me, I’ll make you regret it forever,” warned Kumo-otoko. He and the other ghosts joined us as we charged towards Spook Central. We were nearly there when a Subway train came up from beneath us. It blocked our path, so we had to find another way. We soon arrived at the apartment building and found ourselves blocked by ghosts. Slimer spluttered something.
“Those ghosts WANT Gozer to come back,” translated a ghost of the Industrial Revolution. We soon zapped and trapped them. We headed up to see ghosts blocking the hall along with Heather.
“THAT’S THEM!” roared Heather. The ghosts blocked our way as we leveled our wands at them. We started trapping, but Heather blocked our way with the rubble.
“Well, it was fun while it lasted, but this is getting out of hand,” I sighed. I fastened my Vortex Driver back on. Xiomara sighed and did the same. Hongo sighed as well, then he struck his pose as we drew out our i.d tags.
“Rider…” began Hongo.
“Henshin!” we all announced as we donned our Rider personas. We then drew our weapons and converted them into their ranged modes. We aimed and destroyed the rubble, allowing us access to the roof. There was junk food everywhere!
“This looks extraordinarily bad,” reported Egon as he looked at the PKE meter.
“Look at all the junk food!” remarked Peter. We then heard messy eating, coming from Slimer. “Slow down,” directed Peter. “Chew your food.”
“We have bigger problems than Slimer’s eating habits,” gulped Seeker.
“Like what?” I asked.
“Like Dana and Louis in their Terror Dog forms,” replied Seeker.
“WHAT?!” we all yelped as we turned the corner. She was right, Vinz Clortho the Keymaster and Zuul the Gatekeeper were back and ready to serve Gozer. Oh, did I mention Gozer was back as well.
“It’s a girl again,” observed Ray.
“It’s still Gozer,” replied Egon.
“Well, whatever it is,” declared Peter, “it’s gotta get by us again!”
“A task I can do easily now!” boasted Gozer.
“Against three new gods?” I asked.
“You are a god?” quizzed Gozer.
“Oui,” I replied.
“Then…DIE!” roared Gozer as it fired on us. We were nearly blown off the building! As we picked ourselves up, Ray decided to call Winston out.
“Say yes when someone asks if you’re a god, huh?!” he snapped. “That thing nearly roasted us!”
“I shall make sure to completely roast you this time!” declared Gozer.
“Not a chance!” I replied. “ALLONS-Y!” We charged at Gozer, but she leapt over our heads. This time, she was swinging punches. Heather joined in and attacked.
“Give it up!” demanded Heather. “I already got the Pestilence and Famine parts! Let me have the War part!”
“Got to Hell!” shouted Seeker.
“Been there, done that!” replied Heather. She swung a punch, but Seeker ducked. Heather’s punch connected to a pillar that shattered, revealing a lamp. It didn’t have power, but Seeker tricked Gozer into shooting the thing with electricity and pointed it at Gozer. It was blinded, allowing the Ghostbusters to fire. It got away from the streams and sent Zuul and Vinz after us.
“Try not to hurt Zuul!” called Peter. The one with shorter horns leapt onto me.
“What about her trying to hurt me?!” I countered.
“And what about Vinz?!” called Ichigō as Vinz swatted him. I then tricked Zuul into knocking down another pillar to reveal another lamp. As I pointed it at Gozer, it fired again and got blinded again. Gozer destroyed that lamp, then landed on the stone bench, facing us.
“We better go full stream!” remarked Egon.
“THROW IT!” ordered Peter.
“Un momento!” called Xiomara. At that point, we Riders powered down and activated our packs.
“NOW!” I yelled. We all fired at Gozer. It tried to throw up a barrier but it disappeared by our streams.
“We neutronised it!” replied Ray. “You know what that means?! A Complete Particle Reversal!”
“Oh well, them’s the breaks,” sighed Heather. “Still, it was a nice little war. I got what I needed.” She then held up the War part!
“GIVE THAT BACK!” I roared as I leveled my Neutrino wand at her.
“Not a chance, you rifle-dropping coward!” replied Heather. “You and that taco-snorting moron can go to Hell!”
“WHAT WAS THAT?!” screamed Xiomara. We fired, but Heather jumped off the building! We looked over the side but couldn’t find her. She had escaped us. “¡CARAJO!” (Damn) swore Xiomara.
“Is everything alright?” asked a voice. We turned to see a dimensional portal close with Sludgiona with us!
“Are you…?” I ventured.
“I found my people!” burbled Sludgiona. “I no longer have acclimation syndrome! I can travel the multiverse with no ill effects!” At that point, a storm flashed lightning at us and Gozer spoke.
“Sub-creatures! Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volgus Zildrohar, the Traveler has come! Choose and perish!” it declared.
“Choose?!” asked Hongo. “I don’t understand!”
“Choose! Choose the form of the Destructor!” demanded Gozer.
“Gozer needs a new form to destroy the world!” I elaborated.
“Whatever we think of, it becomes that!” continued Xiomara. “If we think of Hello Kitty, Hello Kitty will destroy the world!”
“All right, empty them brains!” called Peter. “Come on! Empty, empty, empty! That means you too, Ray!”
“The choice is made!” declared Gozer.
“WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!” shouted Peter.
“The Traveler has come!” boomed Gozer.
“NOBODY CHOOSED ANYTHING!” insisted Peter. He then turned to us and started pointing. “Did you choose anything?!”
“No!” replied Egon.
“Did you?!” asked Peter.
“My mind is totally blank!” answered Winston.
“What about you?!” quizzed Peter.
“Not this time!” assured Ray.
“New guys?!” asked Peter.
“Not me!” I replied.
“I’ve seen this scenario enough times to know better!” remarked Xiomara.
“Don’t look at me!!” insisted Hongo.
“I didn’t choose anything!” declared Peter. At that point, a horrible thought struck us. We turned to Sludgiona, who looked incredibly guilty.
“…I couldn’t help it,” she burbled. “It just popped in there.”
“What?” asked Xiomara. “What just popped in there?!”
“I…I tried to think of the most harmless…” replied Sludgiona.
“LOOK!” shouted Egon. We heard giant footsteps.
“No!” breathed Ray. “It can’t be!”
“What is it?!” asked Hongo.
“It’s impossible!” yelped Sludgiona.
“What did you do, Sludgy?!” snapped Peter.
“Oh, S**T!” swore Winston. Then…we saw it. A sailor hat with the words “Stay Puft” on it.
“…She didn’t!” gasped Xiomara.
“Of course, she did!” I hissed.
“What did she do?!” asked Hongo. “What is that?!”
“…It’s the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man,” explained Ray. Yes, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, fat, made of marshmallows, and wearing a sailor hat and collar.
“Now this is just silly,” sighed Peter.
“I thought such a form would never bring harm!” gulped Sludgiona.
“Well,” mused Ray, “it did once before.”
“And Gozer remembers that form!” called Xiomara. She pointed to the creature as it examined its hands and roared in frustration. It then stepped on a church like a two-year-old.
“STOP STEPPING ON CHURCHES!” shouted Peter. Gozer then turned its head up and gave an evil grin.
“Oh no,” gulped Winston.
“PETER!” we shouted.
“Mother puss bucket!” snarled Peter as he realized his mistake.
“Well, we can start damaging it!” called Ray. “One! Two! Three! ROAST HIM!” We threw our streams, but Gozer wasn’t about to be caught off-guard again. It dodged as it made its way to the building. It climbed all the way up! It then raised a fist!
“LOOK OUT!” I warned. We got away from the fist as it connected to the roof. It then pulled the fist back and then spat out three globs of marshmallow goo. Something then moved in the goo! Then, they rose out! Human sized Stay Puft Marshmallow Men! “All right, I can’t deal with this!” I hissed as I drew my i.d. tag. Xiomara did the same and Hongo struck his starting pose. “We’ll hold these things; you see if you can roast Gozer!”
“With what?!” asked Peter.
“With the rubble he’s using!” answered Winston as he pointed at a fuel tanker in Gozer’s hand. The Ghostbusters then readied their packs.
“Rider…” began Hongo.
“HENSHIN!” we announced. We transformed and went on the offensive. We Riders kept the Marshmallow Minions of the Ghostbusters while they made the tanker explode. Gozer’s shoulder caught fire while the explosion made Sludgiona reintroduce herself to the real world.
“What am I doing?!” she snapped. “I’m not just a scientist, I’m a Tarlaxian!” She drew her blade, oh mon DIEU! That thing was massive. She joined us Riders as we held off the Marshmallow Minions.
“FIST INCOMING!” warned Ray. We all rolled out of the way of Gozer’s fist. When it finished, Gozer spat out more Minion Spawn pools and made our job harder while Gozer picked up a car. The Ghostbusters fired in the general area of the engine, making it explode. They then fired on Gozer’s head, making it madder than ever and start hurling more rubble. It picked up one more fuel tanker which the Ghostbusters fired on. The explosion made Gozer hit its head on the roof, making it dizzy.
“NOW’S OUR CHANCE!” called Seeker. We Riders then leapt into the air! Rider Kick time!
“RIDER KICK!” announced Ichigō.
“RIDER ARCH KICK!” I called.
“RIDER SEEKER KICK!” yelled Seeker. Our kicks connected with Gozer’s head and it lost its grip with the building.
“Done!” I cheered.
“Not yet,” replied Egon as he pointed to the door.
“Oh, yeah,” I realized. “So, what do we…?” I then saw the look in Egon’s eye. “…No, you can’t…”
“It worked last time,” remarked Egon.
“With just four packs!” reminded Seeker as we cancelled our transformations again.
“I don’t understand,” muttered Hongo.
“We’re crossing the streams,” explained Ray.
“Egon, you said that was bad!” wailed Xiomara.
“How is it bad?” asked Hongo.
“Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously, and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light,” I explained.
“…AND YOU WANT TO DO THAT?!” yelled Hongo as he realized the danger.
“You’re gonna endanger us, you’re gonna endanger the new guys, you’re gonna endanger our client!” supplied Peter. “The nice lady who became a dog again!”
“And we only had a slim chance of survival with just FOUR packs!” reminded Winston.
“I will admit, our chances in that department are a little slimmer,” replied Egon.
“…There’s no choice, is there?” I muttered.
“There is,” mused Ray. “Either die by Gozer’s hand or die saving the world.”
“Truth be told,” sighed Hongo, “I DID have fun as a Ghostbuster.”
“Well, in that case,” I declared, “who wants to live forever anyways?”
“Let’s do it,” resolved Xiomara. We leveled our wands at the door and warmed the packs up.
“Good luck,” bid Sludgiona.
“Mesdames et Messieurs,” I declared, “if we don’t make it, au revoir.”
“Adios,” bid Xiomara.
“See you guys on the other side!” replied Ray.
“THROW ‘EM!” ordered Peter. We fired our streams and brought them together. The door glowed as the combined stream started heating it up. We heard a roar, indicating that Gozer climbed back up to see us destroying the door. At that point, both the door and Gozer exploded. We were soon buried in rubble and marshmallow goop. It took a few minutes for me to get up and examine myself. My hands ran over my face to reveal my makeup had been ruined.
“Well, better that than my molecules exploding,” I sighed.
“You’re taking it rather well,” called a voice with a Castilian accent. I saw Xiomara come up; her hair was all disheveled. She was holding the remains of the scrunchie that held her bun in place. Hongo got up and pushed a groaning Peter off. Ray and Egon were helping Winston up while Sludgiona was trying to break open Zuul’s petrified remains. Soon, Dana’s hand came out.
“WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?!” wailed a muffled voice. We heard someone fall and turned to see Louis Tully wearing Vinz Clortho’s head.
“Don’t worry,” I answered. “We’ll have you out before you can say ‘I ain’t afraid of no ghost!’” We got the head off and saw that Louis’ glasses were broken.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“New guys,” replied Xiomara.
“Temps that must, regrettably,” I continued, “cut our employment short.”
“You’re leaving?!” yelped Peter.
“Lo siento,” (I’m sorry) replied Xiomara, “but we’re still at war with Vortech. We got preoccupied with Heather’s antics and need to quell her ambitions before we have TWO disasters on our hands.”
“That doesn’t mean we had to leave you guys once Heather did,” I continued. “A hero doesn’t do that. Now, I DO have a question. Ms. Barrett, how did Zuul possess you again?” Dana immediately blushed.
“I’ll just say it involved me being drunk and Zuul offering a drink,” she mumbled.
“Never mind,” realized Xiomara, “I think I can piece the story together. We’ll just go back to the firehouse and return the packs and suits.”
“No, keep those,” countered Peter. “We’re a bit overstocked. You can keep them as a memento.”
“Er, what about their paychecks?” asked Ray.
“Will these help?” asked Louis as he drew out a drawstring pouch. The contents jangled.
“Most likely,” I mused, “if I’m right.”
+CONTENTS OF THE BAG+ reported my belt +ARE STUDS IN THE TOTAL OF 425,000+
“We’ll figure out the total when we get back,” I resolved. I then contacted Vorton. “X-PO, we need a ride.”
“Summoning a ride,” called X-PO.
“Don’t you want to say ‘hi’ to the crowd below?” asked Winston as the portal opened.
“No, thank you,” replied Hongo, “we’ll just slip out quietly. Sayonara.”
“Adios,” bid Xiomara.
“Au revoir,” I called. “And thank you for the adventure!” We then went into the portal and left the Ghostbusters.