“Captain’s Log: Stardate 4001.35, the Enterprise has been directed to pick up three new Ensigns from the remote Federation colony of Moronica. To my surprise, their identities have not been disclosed to myself or any member of my senior staff, which only raises questions of their character.”
Captain James T. Kirk strode to the conference room to see Spock and McCoy already seated. “Gentlemen, I don’t think I need to tell you that these nameless Ensigns worry me,” said Kirk.
“What’s wrong with a little surprise?” asked McCoy. “We didn’t know Chekov’s name until a few days after he came aboard.”
“Doctor,” replied Spock, “the Captain DID get a letter of recommendation vouching for Mr. Chekov’s character, so he had some frame of reference to work with.”
“Come on, you can’t expect Starfleet Captains to have a stack of recommendation letters in their file! Or for Starfleet to send them to every Captain!”
“Doctor McCoy, Starfleet regulations clearly state that every Ensign must have a recommendation letter to vouch that they are capable of working on a Starship.”
“Well, you can’t expect EVERY rule to be-!”
“Gentlemen, please,” interrupted Kirk. “Let’s not distract ourselves from the main topic. What DO we know about these three Ensigns?”
“All I got was that they were all male,” replied McCoy.
“Regretfully,” continued Spock, “the only data Lieutenant Uhura was able to get was that a Captain Christine McIntyre would be delivering these Ensigns.”
“Captain McIntyre?” Kirk smiled. “So, she’s become a Starship Captain, has she? What’s her ship?”
“The Korolev, Captain.”
“Making her the first woman to command a Constitution-class vessel,” mused Kirk. “I’ll have to congratulate her later. How soon are we due to meet the Korolev?”
“Captain Kirk,” called Uhura over the comms. Kirk pressed the receiver.
“Kirk here.”
“We’re in orbit around Moronica and the Korolev is coming alongside us,” reported Uhura.
“Excellent. We’re on our way.” Kirk ended the call. “Well, gentlemen, let’s see who Captain McIntyre brought with her.” They made their way to the bridge.
“The Korolev is hailing us, Sir,” reported Uhura.
“On screen,” ordered Kirk. A beautiful blonde woman in a Starfleet woman’s gold command uniform with the trimming of a Captain on her sleeves soon appeared. “Hello, Captain McIntyre,” greeted Kirk. “Congratulations on your history making.”
“Thank you, Captain Kirk,” replied McIntyre. “I apologize for this rather…unorthodox method of bringing the Ensigns to you, but I felt you would need to see them for yourself.”
“Forgive me for saying this, but you’re acting like I wouldn’t like them.”
“No, no, just that you would know them. Permission for the Ensigns and I to come aboard?”
“Permission granted.”
Kirk and Scotty were at the Transporter Room. Scotty pressed the necessary buttons and slid the switches to the receiving end. Captain McIntyre shimmered into view first. She stepped of the transporter pad and shook hands with Kirk. “Welcome aboard, Captain,” said Kirk.
“A pleasure to be here, Captain,” replied McIntyre.
“Forgive me for asking, but where are the three Ensigns?”
“I have a lock on them, Sir,” replied Scotty.
“Captain,” said McIntyre in a hurried fashion, “before you bring them aboard, I must warn you that they’re not the brightest…!” Too late. The three Ensigns shimmered into view. They were three human men. One had a black bowl haircut, similar to Spock’s. One had wavy orange hair and an exposed scalp, and one was a fat bald man. Kirk and Scotty’s eyes widened.
“…Lass, not them!” begged Scotty.
“Yes…them,” sighed McIntyre.
“Hey!” called the fat man in a falsetto as he saw Kirk. “It’s our old pal, Jimmy!”
“That’s CAPTAIN Jimmy to you, Onion-head!” snapped the man with bowl haircut. He then poked the fat man’s eyes!
“Hey, leave him alone!” said the orange-haired man.
“Butt out of this, Porcupine!” The bowl-haired man then yanked some of the orange-haired man’s hair out!
“Moe, Larry, and Curly?!” Kirk asked McIntyre. McIntyre nodded.
Space. The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission, to explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before!
STAR TREK
Starring William Shatner
Also starring Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock.
And starring Moe, Larry, and Curly.