With two Realmgates being rebuilt, it was taking a considerable amount of time to get the ships stuck in Rokanth back in the air and into ports to give the Halflings some breathing room. The Halflings were eager at the prospect of getting some form of normality back. As the sun rose for the new day, an alarm rang in Delselii’s quarters. He snorted as the noise woke him up, then groaned as he was reoriented to an extent. His arm simply slapped the nightstand until it hit the alarm button. The noise stopped and Delselii yawned. He swung the sheets off him, then sat up with his feet resting on the floor. Something felt off to him, but he decided he would think about it when he had his coffee. He got up and put his foot forward…then promptly fell to the floor. When he recovered, He sat up and started asking himself questions along the lines of “Why did I fall?”, “Am I sick?”, and “Why can’t I feel my right foot?” That last question alarmed him. He never usually thinks that in the morning. He looked down and did the only thing one could do in his situation…scream in abject terror.
Markulak’s recharge cycle ended. He was looking forward to the day, especially since he got actual quarters and met the Three Maidens themselves! With the Robot Liberation Front ready to find more allies, he anticipated a quick end to the Final War. “Hello, Endeavor and crew!” he sighed happily to himself. “Today is a brand new-!” He then fell to the floor. Questions like Delselii’s raced through his mind, only the last question concerned his left foot. He looked down and, like Delselii, screamed at what he saw.
After breakfast, Arsha made her way to the bridge. She saw Denstra, Shalvey, Nazay, Thangred, Endea, and a robot shaped like a dome with five long, spindly legs helping it move. It had five metal tendrils with five-digited pincer claws on each end to grasp and manipulate things. “Mr. Rultanga,” called Arsha, “how’s life on the ship treating you?”
“I am fully operational, Captain,” replied the robot, Rultanga.
“He’s been a perfect night-shift engineer,” praised Thangred. “Good thing we met him. Though, his emotions could use work.”
“What do you mean?” asked Arsha.
“He means that I do not have any emotions yet,” explained Rultanga. “It has been the dream of my previous iterations to have them. Markulak is in the process of teaching me to have emotions, starting with humor.”
“Oh yeah?” asked Arsha. “How did he start?”
“He introduced me to a concept called a ‘prank.’ He had decorated my main body in a pink color, and he attached stickers on areas he had missed. After a few crew members laughed and explained what he did, Markulak said that I was now obligated to ‘get even with them’.”
“You need to prank him now, hm?”
“I have already done so, him AND Delselii while I thought about it.”
“Whoa, wait a minute!” Arsha was a little apprehensive. “There ARE some unwritten rules of pranking and one of them is-!”
“RULTANGA!” roared Markulak’s voice as he and Delselii hopped onto the bridge, each missing a leg! The crew, sans Rultanga, cried out in surprise.
“What in the Depths?!” shrieked Endea.
“What happened to your legs?!” yelped Thangred.
“HE-” Markulak pointed an accusing finger at Rultanga- “amputated them while we were sleeping!”
“Ha ha. Got you,” replied Rultanga.
“WHAT?!” asked Delselii.
“I have retaliated against you and pranked Delselii in the process. That is my practical joke.”
“This isn’t a joke, you psychopath!” shouted Markulak. “You dismembered us AND you dragged an innocent guy into this!”
“I am confused. You said to be creative, and you said to do it when you least expected it. You also said to try pranking other people. I have adhered to all three directives. I DID use anesthesia on Delselii on the chance he would wake up while I tried to prank him.”
“Rultanga, you took their legs in the middle of the night?!” demanded Arsha.
“Of course, Captain Royana. It would not do to try such a joke during the day when they are more alert.”
“Well, where in the Depths ARE they?!” wailed Delselii.
“If you are referring to the legs, I have hidden them. With the tracker installed in Markulak’s leg, you should be able to find it in a ‘humorous’ location, considering their importance to you.”
“You piece of s***!” snarled Markulak as he and Delselii jumped as menacingly as they could towards Rultanga. The bridge crew rushed to hold them back as they uttered all sorts of threats, ranging from scrapping Rultanga to unplugging him during recharge.
“Mr. Markulak, can you find the tracker’s frequency?” asked Arsha.
“Yes, but-!”
“Revenge can wait! It’d take some pressure off my mind if you just searched for your legs. Endea, Thangred, help them find their legs…never thought I’d give that order in my lifetime.”
“Aye, Captain,” replied Endea as she and Thangred led Delselii and Markulak off the bridge.
“You’re sick!” snarled Markulak. “I mean it! There’s something really wrong with you!”
“Teaching an unemotional robot that understands the concept of unwritten rules as well as a non-Sentina snail does about a prank war?!” Marshii barked at Delselii once his and Markulak’s legs were located and they were taken to Sick Bay and Main Engineering respectively. The elderly Mermaid was sewing Delselii’s leg back on as she griped “What were you thinking?!” She jabbed the needle into Delselii’s stump and brought it out below the seam, like she was fixing up trousers. The procedure is not exactly a pleasant one for a Homunculus, forcing the poor patient to yelp whenever they feel the needle enter their flesh.
“First off,” grunted Delselii, “I DIDN’T teach Rultanga about a prank war!”
“From what Bashoon told me during her physical,” Marshii jabbed the needle again, eliciting a yelp from the Homunculus, “you suggested it to Markulak! I’d say that makes you equally as culpable!”
“Come on, I didn’t tell Markulak to actually do it!”
“Well, you STILL should have stopped him!” Another jab, another yelp. Marshii finished up her work. “There, all done! Now, wiggle your toes.” Delselii did so. They responded to his brain’s signals immediately. “Now get up and try to walk.” Delselii got up from the cot and walked around the room as if nothing happened to him. “We’re done here,” declared Marshii.
“Thank you, Doctor.”
“If you REALLY want to thank me, don’t come in here while holding one of your detached limbs! It takes DAYS for people to stop laughing at the poor doctor who has to add this to her daily logs and transmit them to Realmfleet!” Delselii sighed and walked out of Sick Bay.