Irk, the homeworld of the Irken Race and capital planet of their empire, an empire of hedonism that serves only the rulers instead of the people and those they’ve conquered. Right now, though, there was trouble in the empire and their ruler, the Almighty Tallest Zim, was going through reports to try and figure out why the empire was shrinking! His ally, the Tallest Consort, the human known as Gaz Membrane, stormed into his office. “Zim, you have GOT to figure this crap out!” she snarled.
“I’m aware of Videogamia being destroyed,” replied Zim. “We’re still looking for a pattern.”
“We need MORE than a pattern! We need new planets! Zim, the empire is shrinking by the day!”
“You think I don’t know that?!” snapped Zim.
“Did you also know that there’s an alien vessel in geostationary orbit?!” demanded Gaz.
“Has it been identified?” asked Zim.
“The translators are saying it’s called the Martian Maggot,” replied Gaz.
“A Martian ship?” Zim then stood up. “Let them land. I’m expecting them.”
“Zim?” asked Gaz.
“Queen Tyr’ahnee Mirkin,” explained Zim, “has also reported that her empire is shrinking, so we’re entering into a mutual defense compact.”
“We don’t need help from outsi-!”
“This coming from the HUMAN, need I remind you?” interrupted Zim. Gaz zipped it. “Come on. We must greet them.”
Tyr’ahnee and her faithful commander, Marvin, stepped off the ship once Zim and Gaz arrived. “Welcome, Queen Tyr’ahnee,” greeted Zim.
“So, this is the center of the Irken Empire,” remarked Tyr’ahnee. “Is that a human by your side?”
“This is the Tallest Consort, Gaz Membrane,” replied Zim.
“Definitely a human name,” said Tyr’ahnee. “Now, perhaps we should begin discussions on what could cause our empires to shrink.”
“Indeed,” agreed Zim. “Your commander will need to understand the layout of the empire as it stands, of course.” He turned to an Irken. “You! Give the Martian Queen’s commander full access.”
“At once, my Tallest,” replied the Irken. He turned to Marvin. “This way, please.”
“Very touching,” replied Marvin as he followed the Irken. Just then, another Irken, slightly shorter than the one leading Marvin, approached Zim.
“My Tallest, I have news!” she said.
“Not now, Invader Sty!” hissed Zim.
“But it concerns unauthorized life-forms on Irk-!” Zim grabbed the shorter Irken.
“Not! In front! Of the Martians!” he hissed. “Deal with the problem!” He then tossed the Irken aside. The Irken picked herself up.
“A-As you command, My Tallest,” she said. She then headed off.
“…Perhaps a robot force could quell any dissent, once this affair is over,” offered Tyr’ahnee.
“That…actually sounds like a good idea,” remarked Zim.
The Irken, Invader Sty, approached the troops under her command. “We’re dealing with the intruders ourselves,” she said.
“But Ma’am-!” protested one of her troops.
“Orders from Zim,” she said. “Nothing we can do. Arm weapons.” The Irkens obeyed.
“What was that?!” yelped a voice.
“It…sounds like those firearms I saw on Kamino,” said another.
“Stay behind me, you two!” finished a third.
“Link, that shield-!” The second speaker couldn’t finish as a man in a green tunic and pointed hat with pointy ears, a sword, and a shield rounded the corner.
“Stun blasts only! FIRE!” ordered Sty. The man raised his shield, but the weapons fire knocked it off his arm and another shot hit him in the chest, stunning him.
“LINK!” called the second speaker. This one was a woman with pointy ears like the man and wore a blue dress. The last person, the first speaker, was a woman with blood-red hair in a pink dress. The two women were hit with the Irkens’ stun weapons.
“Now what?” asked an Irken.
“Take them to the cells,” ordered Sty. “The Almighty Tallest will deal with them later.”
The red-head was the first to wake up. “Oof!” she groaned. “What was that shark’s name?!” Her vision cleared to see the two pointy-eared people lying unconscious next to her. “Oh my fins!” she yelped. She then lightly slapped the cheek of the woman. “Hey, are you all right?!” The woman groaned and opened her eyes. She looked up…then her memory slowly came back to her!
“…Another chronal surge!” she said. “And this time, Link was-! LINK!” She sat up and rushed to the man in the green tunic. “Link, are you all right?!” The man…snored. “…Of course you’d take a nap,” sighed the pointy-eared woman. She then seized the man’s ear. “GET UP, LINK!” she shouted, startling the man awake.
“YOW! HEY! EASY!” protested the man. “Sheesh, my ears are ringing, Princess!”
“Link, we need to get out of here!” insisted the woman. “We-!”
“Where IS here?” asked the red-head. “And who ARE you two? Are you elves?”
“…Why does everyone ask that?” sighed the man. “No, we’re Hylians from the Kingdom of Hyrule. I’m Link, the Hero of Hyrule.”
“And I’m Zelda, Hyrule’s Princess,” introduced the woman.
“Another Princess?!” gasped the red-head. “Nice to meet you! I’m Ariel, Princess of Atlantica!”
“A pleasure to meet you, Princess Ariel,” greeted Zelda. “Now, were you just minding your own business at home when an energy wave suddenly washed over you and pulled you through a vortex until you found yourself here with us?”
“…Y-Yes, that’s exactly what happened,” said Ariel. “But…how did you-?”
“A friend called the Doctor called it a Chronal Surge,” explained Zelda. “That energy wave takes you out of your usual point in space and time and plops you somewhere and somewhen else. I went through that once before and ended up on Kamino during the Clone Wars.”
“…You went to the Star Wars galaxy?” asked Ariel. “I think Disney’s lawyers would have something to say about tha…anyone else hear that?”
“Hey, isn’t that the-?” asked Link. A blue box then appeared in the hall.
“The TARDIS!” confirmed Zelda. “Excellent! The Doctor’s still on the case!” Speaking of whom, the Doctor stepped out with Tysar.
“All right, the TARDIS said those Chronal Surges brought their victims here, so-.” The Doctor then looked into the cell to see Zelda, Link, and Ariel. “…Well, that makes the job easier.”
“Hey, I remember you!” gasped Ariel. “You hosted that impromptu Whose Line is it Anyway show in the Magic Kingdom!”
“That I did!” replied the Doctor. She then saw Zelda and Link. “Zelda! Link! Hello again!”
“…Lady, I don’t remember seeing you before,” replied Link.
“No, no, Link, that’s the Doctor that helped me get back from Kamino!” explained Zelda.
“Hang on, THAT’S the Doctor?!” yelped Link.
“You snogged Zelda after she became the last segment of the Key to Time, yes?” quizzed the Doctor. “Right in my TARDIS after she came back and she mentioned an outfit you have? A cute one?”
“My Gerudo Vai outfit, yeah!” replied Link. “It IS you! But how-?!”
“No time to explain regenerations,” interrupted the Doctor as she pulled out the Sonic Screwdriver.
“You’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, to put it lightly,” explained Tysar as the Doctor worked on the cell doors. “This world…is about to die. So are its people.”
“What?!” asked Zelda. By then, the door was unlocked.
“This is the Irken Homeworld,” explained the Doctor, “the capital of those little green men you doubtlessly saw when you were thrown in there, and around this time, a horrible force kills the entire Irken Empire, all but one, Zim, the current leader.” Everyone stepped out of the cell and Link drew the Master Sword.
“Well, his people treated us roughly,” he said, “but that’s no excuse.”
“Pardon?” asked the Doctor.
“Link’s right,” agreed Zelda. “We can’t let innocents suffer.”
“Then let’s get them the help they need and-!” cheered Ariel.
“What ARE you talking about?’ asked the Doctor.
“…Th…The evacuation,” replied Ariel. “We have to save those people! Make it so that there’s no genocide!”
“Except we CAN’T do that!” urged the Doctor as she turned to the TARDIS. “Come on! Into the TARDIS, all of you!”
“Now wait a minute!” argued Link. “What in Hylia’s name are you trying to pull here?!”
“Doctor, we HAVE to help the Irkens!” pleaded Zelda.
“Not this time!” replied the Doctor. “Link, Ariel, Zelda, I’m sorry, but the Irken Genocide is a fixed point in time! What happens, happens! There is NO stopping it!” The Doctor turned back to the TARDIS again, but was yanked back by Ariel.
“Says who?!” she demanded.
“Says me!” retorted the Doctor.
“What, and you’re in charge?!”
“TARDIS, Time Lord, YEAH!”
“Ariel, Mermaid turned human, NO!” That’s TWO red-heads the Doctor had that argument with. “I don’t need your permission! I’ll tell the Irkens myself!”
“You try it, they’ll just dismiss you out of hand and vaporize you for telling primitive lies!” retorted the Doctor. “Now come on! TARDIS! We’re getting out of here!”
“I’ve got something to say about that, Time Girl!” snarled Link.
“Oh, I bet you do!”
“GUYS!” shouted Tysar.
“WHAT?!” asked everyone. Then they saw the Irkens and Marvin.
“…Martians?!” gasped the Doctor. “…Damn, now I NEED to stay on Irk!”