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Kamen Rider Vortex Kamen Rider Vortex Chapters

Chapter 18

We finally reached a dark and evil place in Metropolis, filled to the brim with moans and screams of innocent people. Green energy walls were set up, with the LexCorp symbol. Three Orcs in complete armor and carrying spears stood guard at the gate, one of them looking nervous. “I think I heard something that time!” yelped the nervous Orc.

“You didn’t hear anything!” snarled the second Orc.

“…There, Ma!” called the first Orc to the second. “Don’t you hear it?!”

“Yes,” hissed the Orc mother, testily, “I heard a prisoner’s blood hitting the ground!”

“Sounds like bats!” stammered the nervous Orc.

“Bats aren’t made of liquid!” growled the Orc mother. “Bats don’t drip!”

“Bat water!” cried the nervous Orc.

“There are no bats!” shouted the third Orc.

“You don’t know that, Dad!” protested the nervous Orc. “What if you’re wrong?!”

“Okay, let’s assume your mother and I are wrong,” snarled the Orc father. “Let’s assume there ARE bats. So what? You’re wearing state of the art Orc armor! It’s designed to take heavy damage and deflect whatever these things shoot.” He gestured to the gun he had confiscated from a police officer. “What can a flying five-ounce rodent possibly do to you?”

“…So, you’re saying there ARE bats!” gulped the nervous Orc. His mother face palmed.

“Sure, let’s go with that,” she snarled.

“I’m getting out of here!” cried the nervous Orc.

“No, you’re not!” snarled his mother. “Sauron told us to guard this gate, so we’re guarding this gate!”

“At least, let us get near a light source!” begged the nervous Orc.

“That would involve moving,” growled his father, “and go against our stone-faced ‘no moving’ guard policy!”

“But the light-”

“No.”

“-would help us see the bats!”

“NO.”

“And their fangs!”

“NO!”

“…Hey, you know what else loves cities?” asked the Orc son. “Birds!”

“You little turd!” growled the father, getting as nervous as his son. “Why would you mention birds to me and your mother?!”

“I’m just saying…” the Orc son didn’t complete his sentence as a batarang knocked all three out. We stepped out of our hiding place and opened the gate. What we saw was horrible. People were being tortured, dangled off the towers, and trying to escape the Orcs.

“It looks like they’ve turned this place into a prison!” gulped Wyldstyle.

“Sauron will enslave all of mankind,” hissed Gandalf as he looked at the top of Barad-dûr.

“Not on my watch!” promised Batman. That’s when an eye made of flame and shadow appeared at the top of the fortress.

“I…SEE…YOU!” called Sauron. “Locate help from Foundation Prime!” A portal opened to drop a giant elephant like creature with four tusks instead of two. It had some sort of transport on its back and had red and black war paint on its front. It had two devices, one on its front left leg and one on its rear left leg. It had two four-barreled gun turrets on its left side and had Orcs, Combatmen, goons in two colored suits and roller skates, and Vortexons riding it. That’s when a man with a scarred left face and a suit in two colors on each half came up from the mount.

“Well, well!” chuckled the man in a voice that went from normal to raspy. “If it isn’t our old friend, Batman!”

“Two-Face!” snarled Batman.

“Where did you get the Oliphaunt?” I asked.

“And what have you done to that poor beast?!” demanded Gandalf.

“Given it a facelift!” answered Two-Face. “Would you be interested in one?”

“I doubt it!” replied Gandalf.

“You know,” mused Seeker, “there’s a tough choice here. Either you leave and we proceed to Sauron, or you stay and we kick your rear. Both choices have very good benefits for us. If you leave, it makes our job easier. If you stay, we beat you and gain satisfaction. Such a hard choice!” She was grinning under her helmet, I just know it.

“Then let me help you choose!” called Two-Face. He pulled out a coin. “Heads or Tails?”

“Harvey, no!” pleaded Batman.

“Ooh, Tails!” called Wyldstyle.

“Wyldstyle, no!” protested Seeker, whatever plan she had crumbling apart. Two-Face flicked the coin into the air.

“Don’t worry,” assured Wyldstyle. “I get this right almost half the time.” Two-Face caught the coin and put it on his left hand. He got a look at it.

“Sorry, it’s heads!” answered Two-Face.

“What does heads mean?” asked Wyldstyle, dreading the answer.

“That you lose YOURS!” replied Two-Face.

“It’s a two-headed coin!” snarled Seeker. “One side is ruined while the other side is fine! You would have lost anyway!”

“Even picking heads isn’t a guarantee of winning,” continued Batman.

“Oh, that poor Oliphaunt!” wailed Gandalf. “Something needs to be done about this!” The Oliphaunt turned to have its left side face us. Enemy forces then surrounded us and attacked. We had to fight them off as we got closer to the Oliphaunt. It fired two beams of light to freeze us in our place. Ichigō used his legs to break the ice that surrounded us.

“Agh!” roared Two-Face. “That’s the last time we deal with Mr. Freeze!” The Oliphaunt then used its trunk to toss a car at us.

“I think we can use parts from that truck to help us!” called Wyldstyle.

“Royal! Arch!” yelled Batman. “I’ll need some help getting the parts!”

“Got it!” I replied. We were still in Batman Steel, thank goodness. We fired our grapple guns at the grill of the truck and yanked it off. It revealed a Keystone transmitter!

“The Elemental Keystone should help us get closer to that…elephant looking…thing!” figured Wyldstyle.

“It’s called an Oliphaunt!” I corrected.

“Elemental Keystone, activate!” announced Gandalf. “Element of fire, Tarantulas!”

“Fire?!” spluttered Tarantulas.

“Don’t be a baby!” I snapped. “It won’t hurt!” A red aura surrounded Tarantulas. He was confused, then summoned a fireball. His optics lit up in glee.

“These ‘Keystones’ you lot use,” he cackled, “shall prove quite useful!” He tossed fireballs at the enemy.

“Element of lightning, Royal!” announced Gandalf. While Tarantulas kept the enemy off my back, I fired a lightning stream at the electric coils attached to the Oliphaunt’s bracelets. It stumbled in fright as the bracelets exploded, along with the freeze turrets. “Easy, my friend,” said Gandalf. “No one is going to harm you now.”

“I’m afraid that’s not true,” oozed a venomous, female voice. That’s when something sharp penetrated my back and pumped ooze into me. I felt my mouth forming spit. My vision went dark. The last thing I felt was my suit turning off before I lost total consciousness.

That treacherous Predacon cackled as he extracted the needle from Megumi’s back! She fell, as did the Oliphaunt. As it fell, Two-Face fell into a portal that opened for him. The Oliphaunt lost consciousness as hairy spider legs pulled their owner’s fat, bulbous body up. It had something infectious covering a few of the eyes on the left. The massive spider, easily three times the size of the spiders we fought on the way here, had a dripping maw under its set of four fangs. If I were a betting girl, I’d put money on this spider carrying the name Shelob. What surprised me was that she spoke. “So,” she whispered, as she walked over the Oliphaunt’s body, “you thought to squash us as if we were small house spiders?”

“Never turn your back on a spider!” cackled Tarantulas. “They tend to be venomous!”

“I can’t believe my smaller cousins said that you would feed them for a while,” chuckled Shelob, referring to me.

“Why do you guys pick on my twin sister more than me?!” protested Guard. “I’m not exactly Mister Skinny myself!”

“Not nearly enough of a meal for the two of us,” muttered Shelob. Guard gave off a scoff.

“My dear Shelob,” called Tarantulas, “dinner is served.” He presented Megumi to her.

“Now, her,” chuckled Shelob, “with her in my gullet, you’ll be aimless without her! That is feast enough!” She made a move to get her, but my fencing foil just missed her eyes.

“Get away from her, you filth!” I hissed.

“I seem to have forgotten your name,” asked Shelob.

“Kamen Rider Touché!” I replied as I swapped the Batman i.d tag for my own. “En Garde, thing of evil!” I turned to my friends. “Take care of Tarantulas! Shelob’s mine!” I swung my foil at one of her eyes. She screeched and covered it with one of her pedipalps, using the other to try and keep me at bay. She then ignored the pain and leapt at me. I turned away and climbed up a prison wall, throwing an Orc at her. She knocked it aside as I tumbled down her back. I landed on the ground while Shelob kept to the high ground. She then did something that she never did in Middle-Earth!

“Shelob, TERRORIZE!” she announced Her transformation was like Tarantulas’, even her robot mode. It took the appearance of his season 1 body. She was much more massive than Tarantulas and had three digited fingers instead of two digited claws.

“When did you become a Transformer?!” I asked.

“I sampled the spark inside a protoform,” explained Shelob. “It altered my genetic structure and made me into the Predacon I am now.” She jumped down, drawing a blade that dripped with a liquid I was sure was venom. I kept rolling out of the way while she jabbed the ground. I had lost my grip on my foil. My i.d tag came out of the belt. Oddly, my transformation wasn’t cancelled. It was then I noticed a slot my i.d tag could fit into in the handle of my foil. Shelob jabbed again with her knife while I rolled to my blade and dodged another jab as I rolled to my i.d tag. I inserted it into the handle’s slot, making it charge and surrounding the blade with blue light.

“Final Attack!” announced my foil. Shelob’s robot mode tummy was right over me.

“RIDER TOUCHÉ SLASH!” I shouted. The light swiped across Shelob’s abdomen, making it leak energon. She screeched in pain as she clutched it. I took my i.d tag and put it into my belt. I jumped up and prepared for my Rider kick. “RIDER TOUCHÉ KICK!” I shouted as my foot made impact on her eyes. They cracked, making them drip energon.

“MY EYES!” she shrieked. She doubled over and thrashed around in pain from her wounds. She limped off the battlefield, her broken gaze fixed on me. She soon disappeared from sight. I then turned to see my friends giving Tarantulas a hard time. He had a gaping wound in his chest. I grabbed a crystal shard and was about ready to plunge it into the wound, ready to kill. He grabbed my arms.

“Raw…energon!” I grunted. “Right through…your twisted…anti-spark! There’s a price to pay if you want to avoid it such a death!”

“ANYTHING!” begged Tarantulas, scared for his life.

“The poison you stuck Megumi with!” I snarled. “What is it?!”

“It’s a mix of my cyber-venom and the venom in Shelob’s stinger!” yelped Tarantulas. “I know the dosage of the antidote needed to cure her, but she may suffer from vomiting!”

“Get her on her side!” I barked to Richard as he cancelled his transformation. “Support her head with her arm! I don’t want her choking on her vomit!” Richard silently obeyed. “And you,” I whispered to Tarantulas, “if this is a lie, your spark is extinguished!”

“I’m currently too terrified to lie!” whimpered Tarantulas as he prepared the antidote. He then stuck the needle into her arm. We waited for a few seconds. It felt like an eternity, then I heard retching. Soon, Megumi threw up and coughed. The venom must have gone out as well. She slowly picked herself up with help from Batman and Gandalf. Relief passed over me like a wave. Tarantulas had fled, but I didn’t care.

It took me a while to finally see fully, but I was led to rest on a seat of rock. Soon, I could focus on things clearly. “What happened?” I slurred.

“That schemer, Tarantulas stuck you with a mix of his cyber-venom and the stuff in Shelob’s stinger,” explained Touché as she cancelled her transformation. Emily then sat near me. “Tarantulas had Shelob altered,” she continued.

“Altered?” I asked. “How?”

“She IS a Predacon,” elaborated Richard. “Emily engaged her in battle.”

“And won,” declared Emily. “Swallowing a Transformer’s spark can do that to you, apparently. During the fight, I discovered that our weapons have a slot for our i.d tags to initiate an attack. I used it and my Rider kick to come out the victor.”

“She then threatened to stab Tarantulas’ spark with raw energon unless he gave you the antidote,” continued Richard. “He did and said that a side effect would be throwing up.”

“That explains the burning in my mouth,” I mused. “Emily, we’ll discuss you hiding a fandom you like from us later. On the other hand, I’m in your debt for saving my life.”

“I’m trying to be a doctor,” assured Emily. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“Oh yes, I do,” I insisted. “I’ll think of a reward for when we get back.” I got up slowly, no ill effects were showing. “So, am I cleared for duty?” I asked Emily.

“I’d say you are,” declared Emily.

“Much better,” cheered Wyldstyle. “Now, to get through that doorway!” She pointed to the gates of Barad-dûr. We approached it.

“Let the Dark Lord come forth!” I called. “Let justice be done upon him!” No one replied. The gates then slowly opened to let someone on a black horse come out. The rider dressed in black robes and wore a black helmet that made him look like some sort of evil priest. I was amazed that he could guide his horse because I saw no eye holes. All I saw was an enlarged, diseased mouth with splits around his lips that opened every time he spoke.

“I am the Mouth of Sauron!” the rider proclaimed.

“His emissary, you mean,” I muttered. “I don’t wish to talk to you, but your master!”

“He has business that occupies his time,” answered the Mouth, “and sends me to bid thee welcome to New Mordor.” He appeared to glance around at us. “Is there any in this rout with authority to treat with me?” he asked. “Not thou, little girl. It takes more to make a monarch than a rabble like this.”

“You have no choice but to speak with me!” I snarled. I think my tone spooked his horse a bit as it stepped back.

“I am an emissary and ambassador and may not be assailed!” cried the Mouth.

“Where such laws apply,” I observed. “No one has made a move against you. I am the leader of this group and will be treated as such!”

“Very well,” growled the Mouth. “My master, Sauron the Great, has bidden me to give thee terms and tokens.”

“Your master’s terms first!” I demanded. Not exactly politic, but I wanted the Keystone out of Sauron’s grasp quickly.

“First,” began the Mouth, “all lands once labeled Metropolis and Gotham must surrender to Sauron utterly. They will be his, and his alone, and they shall be called New Mordor. All of their surrounding cities and those protecting those cities must swear oaths never to raise arms in secret or openly. All those wishing to live must pay tribute to New Mordor once a year.”

“These are heavy terms,” I said. “Would you mind if I make counter-terms?”

“Name them,” demanded the Mouth.

“Tell your master this; his armies are to disband!” I hissed. “He must swear an oath to gather his men and leave these lands, never to return! We did not come here to treat with Sauron or his slave, O Faithless and Accursed!” The Mouth laughed.

“And that leads into the tokens I was bidden to show thee!” he chuckled. He dropped a sack in front of us, which opened and spilled. The contents…oh, I wish I didn’t see them. They included, but were not limited to, my mother’s glasses, Robin’s boot, Frodo’s cloak, Ichimonji’s jacket, and MetalBeard’s cannon.

“Ichimonji!” breathed Hongo.

“Quiet!” I directed.

“No!” wailed Emily, about to cry as she held her father’s scarf.

“Quiet!!” I called, my own grief about to come up.

“The hostages on Foundation Prime were dear to thee, I see,” hissed the Mouth in delight. “Know that they suffered greatly at the hands of their host! Who would have thought ones like them could endure so much pain? And they did, Megumi. They did.” That did it. I drew myself up to my full height and strode to the emissary of Mordor. “And what do you intend to do?” he asked. “None may attack an emissary.”

“You lost that right the instant you presented these things to us and taunted us!” I snarled before I leapt up, my blade liberating his head from his shoulders. As his lifeless body fell from the horse that took off in fright, I turned to my friends. “I don’t believe that they’re dead!” I declared. “Not until I have definitive proof!” The gates had shut at that time.

“Let me show you how it’s done,” called Wyldstyle. She used her Master Builder powers to make a massive turret to blow the gates down. “Yeah! That takes care of that thing!” said Wyldstyle.

“I’m calling that thing after the Orcs’ battering ram, Grond!” I cheered. I then faced the now open gates. “CHARGE!” I shouted. We ran into Barad-dûr and ploughed through Sauron’s forces to enter his throne room. Sauron sat with Turretorg and Discornia flanking him and the Keystone set on the headrest of his seat.

“She said you would come,” rumbled Morgoth’s former Lieutenant, “to save the weak.”

“‘She said’?” asked Batman. “Who said? Did Discornia there say?”

“No,” corrected Discornia, “it’s our immediate boss.”

+VORTECH IS NOT YOUR LEADER+ countered my belt.

“Beg pardon?” I asked.

+VORTECH HAS BRAINWASHED TARLAXIANS TO SERVE HIM+ explained my belt.

“Tarlaxians?” I asked. “You mean people like Turretorg and Discornia?”

+CORRECT+ confirmed my belt.

“Innocent people brainwashed into service,” I muttered, “can this get any harder?”

“We are advanced Vortexons!” argued Turretorg. “Not filthy Tarlaxians!”

“I can handle these liars,” purred a voice. A woman stepped out from behind Sauron’s throne.

“Igura!” exclaimed Hongo.

“Surprise!” she laughed.

“How are you alive?!” yelped Hiroki. “A crazed Urga killed you!”

“Vortech saw fit to resurrect me,” explained Igura. “It made Death a little mad, though. Not that I care. I have enough power to defeat her. Hiro fought against War and Death and survived.”

“That HAS to be a joke!” protested Lukas.

“It isn’t,” insisted Igura. “And with the technology Shocker Nova has at its disposal now,” she revealed a belt that looked like an eagle sitting on Earth with its wings at its sides, “we have a perfect Rider.” She crossed her left arm in front of her, with the hand in a clawed fashion, and slowly moved it across the front with her right hand at her hip. “Nova…” she began. Her left hand then went to her hip as her right hand moved across her front with a clawed hand. “HENSHIN!” She then opened the wings of the eagle so it looked like it was about to take flight. The Earth it sat on split open to reveal a small red fan. She jumped up, the wind pressure turning the fan to form a suit! Instead of a grasshopper design, like Hongo’s suit, Igura’s suit was more bird like. It was brown with a gold, triangular face guard, had red eyes, talons on the fingers, wings folded back, and clawed boots. “I am Shocker Nova’s first Rider,” purred Igura. “Kamen Rider Talon! Your finances are in grave danger!”

“Enough!” boomed Turretorg. “Let’s just kill them!”

“They and the west shall fall!” confirmed Sauron

“Silence, fiend!” bellowed Gandalf to Sauron. The room went quiet as Gandalf spoke. “You’ve fallen far, ‘Lord’ Sauron. Serving another, now, are you?”

“I serve no one, Gandalf Stormcrow!” snarled Sauron. “All serve me!”

“Idea for new name when I get tired of Wyldstyle: Stormcrow!” mused Wyldstyle.

“Hold on,” stopped Kamen Rider Talon, Igura, “I thought you said that, and I quote, ‘Lord Vortech wanted to give me this dimension if I retrieved the Keystone.’”

“I lied!” explained Sauron. “Spiders! Nazgûl! Daleks! Orcs! Slay them!”

“Daleks?!” I yelped. The room started shaking. A hologram was canceled to reveal that we were on the hull of a saucer.

“A Dalek Command Saucer!” called Michael.

“Not those trashcans again!” I moaned. The saucer then rose with Sauron’s throne in the center, shrouded in a dark cloud. That’s when the Nine landed. That’s right, the Nine Former Kings of Men, together again.

“Wow,” whispered the Witch-King, “I can’t believe they fell for that!”

“We didn’t have enough time to rehearse!” whispered East. “Good work, Khòrena!”

“Thanks!” whispered Dwimmerlaik.

“Wait, that whole break-up was…?” I began.

“An act!” whispered the Witch-King of Angmar. “And you were stupid enough to fall for it!”

“So was me being your hostage!” called Tarantulas’ voice. He came down in robot mode.

“The wounds Touché gave me, on the other pedipalp!” Shelob in her new robot mode jumped down with other spiders. “Those were real! I won’t waste time playing with you lot!” That’s when hatches in the Dalek ship opened up to let Daleks and Orcs come out.

“You’re hopelessly outmatched!” roared an Orc.

“You will be exterminated!” Guess who said that.

“That’s it, enough of these lies!” I snapped. We grabbed our i.d tags and Hongo struck his Henshin pose.

“Rider…” he began.

“Henshin!” we all announced. We formed our suits and drew our weapons. As usual, Outback started us off.

“Kamen Rider Outback! Better watch your backs, mates!”

“Kamen Rider Claw! My weapons shall turn you into ribbons!”

“Kamen Rider Swing! I’ll be taking your legs!”

“Kamen Rider Hunt! I shall always get my prey!”

“Kamen Rider Clash! A duel with me shall end in your defeat!”

“Kamen Rider Climb! Mountains are a warrior’s best friend!”

“Kamen Rider Gallop! My riding skills are unmatched!”

“Kamen Rider Sengoku! You shall get a taste of Feudal Japan!”

“Kamen Rider Royal! Evil will ultimately bow to me!”

“Kamen Rider Guard! None shall harm my friends, family, and lady!”

“Kamen Rider Touché! En Garde, thing of evil!”

“Kamen Rider Zhànshì! Try and stop my quest!”

“Kamen Rider Arch! My skills outdo Robin Hood!”

“Kamen Rider Kämpfer! Your defeat will be certain at my hands!”

“Kamen Rider Seeker! It’s not gold I seek, but your end!”

“Kamen Rider Battle! For friends and family, I shall be victorious!”

“I am Gandalf the Grey! Prepare to see some fireworks!”

“I’m Wyldstyle! Time to think outside the box!”

“I’m Batman! The Dark Knight rises!”

“I am the start of a group of warriors! I am Kamen Rider!”

“SLAY THEM ALL!” ordered Sauron from inside the shroud.

“I’ll have your head for this!” screeched Talon. We all fought the forces of darkness, eight legged or not. A Dalek fired on us, but we got out of the way and it killed a spider.

“WATCH YOUR AIM!” roared Shelob.

“…Oops,” mumbled the offending Dalek. Shelob then readied her beast mode’s legs as if they were guns, which, we had quickly discovered, they were. She fired upon us, wildly though. She hit more of her allies than us. In fact, none of us were hit. Gandalf had opened a hatch in the ship and extracted parts. Wyldstyle constructed a lamp from the parts and shined it on the shroud surrounding Sauron. He snarled, but the shroud stayed.

“We need more!” called Touché.

“Let me handle him!” demanded Talon. She opened a hatch to allow a Dalek to get out.

“Non-Dalek life forms detected!” it squawked. “Exterminate!” Talon then pulled her hand back in a claw fashion and then thrust it forward into the Dalek. Bits of its now dead occupant dripped off the hand. She flicked it off and got more parts, building the second lamp herself.

“Interesting what a scientist can make,” she mused, “even if it’s rudimentary.” The lamp shined on Sauron’s shroud.

“Vortech won’t like you attacking an ally!” called Sauron.

“You invaded a dimension without his permission,” countered Talon.

“Is he really going to believe that?” asked Sauron. “I can say, with certainty, that you will be blamed for attacking an ally. It is…what’s the phrase…your flimsy word over mine!”

“You’re right,” agreed Talon. “Without evidence, my word is flimsy. Good thing I have evidence.”

“Do share it,” invited Sauron.

“Incoming transmission from Foundation Prime!” reported a Dalek. Wyldstyle had managed to make a third lamp. I told her to wait.

“Go ahead and take it,” suggested Talon.

“Put it through,” commanded Sauron.

“I obey!” confirmed the Dalek. It connected to a terminal to let a hologram of Vortech and Hiro through.

“Greetings, Master,” began Sauron to Vortech.

“Spare me the false praise!” snarled Vortech.

“Who’s that?” asked Batman.

“The enemy,” I replied, keeping it vague on purpose.

“Er…Master?” asked Sauron.

“Tell me, Sauron,” hissed Hiro, “have you heard of a live-stream?”

“…A flow of water that is alive?” guessed Sauron.

“Not even close,” corrected Vortech. “A live stream is a term when humans display their moving pictures and speech at the time they are at an event. They make it public and put it out on billions of computers through a process called ‘streaming’.”

“And it is in real time, live on the scene,” continued Hiro. “Thus, live-stream.”

“I fail to see how…” began Sauron.

“On top of that, have you heard about eyes that work like a video camera?” asked Hiro.

“Like a what?” spluttered Sauron.

“They’re machines that take pictures, capture voices, and string them together to make an exact replica of something that happened,” explained Hiro. “Some cameras are made to look like a person’s eyes and can capture what the person sees if these cameras replace the eyes.”

“I still don’t see…” Sauron stopped when he saw the battle from another person’s point of view in real time. He saw the left side of his head and realized why live-streams and video camera eyes were brought up. He turned to Talon and made the connection. She waved. “YOU DIDN’T…! YOU…!” spluttered Sauron. “HOW LONG?! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN…LIVE-STREAMING?!”

“You catch on to the terminology quick,” praised Talon as her eyes recorded the reaction. “In any case, to answer your question, since Barad-dûr landed here. I’ve recorded everything, even Tarantulas dissecting one of the spiders here and eating its remains later.”

“What?!” snarled Shelob. Tarantulas spluttered. The spiders stared at their metal companion with malice.

“We’ve been deceived!” shrieked a spider.

“I’m gonna mount your head on my mantelpiece, traitor!” promised another.

“KILL HIM!” roared Shelob. They ran at Tarantulas, who tried to escape. Soon he tripped over the edge with all the spiders following him.

“That takes care of them,” muttered Talon. She turned to Sauron. “And now, for you!”

“We’ve been spied on!” roared an Orc, slow on the uptake.

“I’m gonna enjoy having my way with you!” shouted another, Shagrat. “I need offspring!”

“No! I need a cook!” bellowed another. Gorbag came up.

“She’s Sauron’s to do with as he wishes!” he snapped.

“I don’t take orders from stinking Morgul rats!” roared Shagrat.

“Get him!” shouted the second Orc. They started fighting each other.

“NO! IDIOTS!” shrieked the Witch-King as he flung Touché off of him. “GET THEM! THEY’RE THE ENEMY!”

“NOW!” I called. The third lamp shone on the shroud. Sauron screamed in pain as the light from the lamps burned his eyes. The ship then broke out of Barad-dûr.

“Careful!” demanded Gorbag. “I just paid off the insurance!” The ship stopped in front of the fiery eye that was reset atop the fortress. The lamps were destroyed as the shroud returned around Sauron.

“When in doubt,” muttered the Dark Lord, “Keystone power.” He grabbed the Keystone from the throne. “I see you!” he said. “Locate help from D-C-C-0-M-1-C-5!” A portal opened and deposited a searchlight onto the ship. “Blind them!” shouted Sauron to his forces. Batman saw that the symbol on it was one that he was familiar with!

“The Bat-Signal?” he snarled. “Someone stole my Bat-Signal?! Someone like you, Sauron?!! Now that’s going too far!!”

“I’ve got an idea!” called Wyldstyle.

“Keep her covered!” I directed. Her Master build involved the Bat-Signal and a battery to power it.

“I said get the light and blind them!” ordered Sauron. The Orcs and Daleks were trying but failing as Batman shone it onto the shroud. It dissipated, leaving Sauron open. He grabbed his mace and went on the offensive. We managed to beat him back to his throne, which was surprising, considering he has the One Ring. He remade the shroud and unleashed magic chains. “Your struggle is meaningless!” he snarled. A news chopper for the Daily Planet got close as the photographer flashed his camera. Sauron snarled as he lost concentration on the chains, making them disappear. “You’ll PAY for this outrage! Locate help from M-1-D-D-L-3-3-A-R-T-H!” A horse drawn cart with fireworks came out of a new portal, minus the horse. He flung rubble at the news chopper, scaring it off.

“That’s my old cart!” yelped Gandalf. “Where in Middle-Earth did they find that?!” He got an idea. “You know, I believe that my new catchphrase would be appropriate for this instance. Sauron, prepare to see some fireworks!” He used his magic to launch the fireworks at the shroud.

“4th of July fireworks can’t top that!” called Sengoku.

“Speak for yourself!” replied Guard.

“Save our American ego for later!” snapped Touché. “Besides, our fireworks can’t make a dragon fly over the crowd and then make a fantastic boom!” Sauron’s shroud was gone again. He went on the attack again.

“RIDER CHOP!” called Ichigō as he delivered a chop that made Sauron stagger backwards. I then decided to take a page out of Touché’s book and inserted my i.d tag into the hilt of my sword. The blade was surrounded in blue light.

“Final Attack!” announced my blade.

“RIDER ROYAL SLASH!” I called. I swung down, making an arc of light rush towards Sauron, knocking him into his seat. He returned the shroud and chained us again.

“I shall rule all!” he proclaimed. An Orc had flung a Dalek at us, who regained itself in the air and charged towards Sauron, screaming bloody murder. It was destroyed, and the other Daleks saw this as betrayal and turned on the Orcs. The noise made Sauron lose concentration again and so he used the Keystone again. “Locate help from T-H-3-L-3-G-0-M-0-V-1-3!” he ordered. A school bus came in, although, it was modified with jet engines on the back.

“That’s from my dimension!” called Wyldstyle. “A bus driver had graduated from the Master Builder’s Academy and used his bus for his final! I was his teacher!” The bus driver came out.

“Professor Wyldstyle?” he asked. “What’s going on?!” Sauron screeched in anger. “Never mind, I can see for myself.”

“Only a powerful light can get rid of that shroud!” I told the driver.

“Leave it to me!” he assured. He dodged the stuff Sauron threw.

“Whoa!” yelped Wyldstyle. “Okay, wish this guy would stop throwing stuff!”

“How’s this?!” asked the bus driver. He made a light cannon out of the front of the bus. “I just need power to make it bright!”

“Allow me!” called Gandalf as he used his magic to extract wires that ran into the Dalek ship. They were soon connected.

“Thanks!” praised the bus driver. He then pointed the light cannon at the shroud and unleashed a bright light, destroying the Shroud. Sauron got mad and leapt at us. We got out of the way.

“RIDER KICK!” called Ichigō.

“RIDER ROYAL KICK!” I declared.

“RIDER TOUCHÉ KICK!” announced Touché.

“NOVA KICK!” shouted Talon. Sauron was knocked to the ground at the impact of our kicks.

“How…” wheezed the Dark Lord as he picked himself up, “is this possible?!” The eye on top of Barad-dûr vanished.

“This is not your domain!” explained Gandalf. “You have no power here, Sauron the Deceiver!”

“And to make sure you obey us in future,” said Talon. She then brought Sauron to his knees and held her foil at his neck. “Forces of Mordor, you will obey us or Sauron is crushed like a tin can!” Sauron’s forces considered, then kneeled. “I thought so.” A portal opened. “Witch-King, grab the Keystone!”

“No!” called Wyldstyle. She knocked out the Witch-King and grabbed the Keystone, nearly getting sucked into the portal. “Can someone give me a hand?!” asked Wyldstyle.

“Stop her!” ordered Talon. I kicked her aside as the rest of us fought off the Orcs and Nazgûl. Sauron was crushed like a tin can, but still alive, thanks to the Ring. He was sucked in. A giant hand then reached through the portal to grab the Keystone.

“Oh, yeah, not him, though!” yelped Wyldstyle. She lost her grip on the throne but was saved by Gandalf. She landed back on the hull. “Thanks!” she said.

“Must I do everything myself?!” snarled Talon. She charged at Wyldstyle as our ride home came up.

“Is that ours?” asked the bus driver.

“Yes!” answered Batman. “Move!” We made a break for the portal, taking the Keystone with us. It turned out to be an enemy portal as Vortech’s hand came through. We nearly went over the edge of the saucer before the Keystone opened a portal for us below the saucer.

“This way!” called Wyldstyle. We jumped in. Before Talon could grab us, the portal closed.

“NO!” she shouted. She screamed at the heavens as her transformation was canceled. Igura glared at the Orcs and Daleks as they tried to avoid her eyes. “Return to Foundation Prime!” she ordered. The saucer flew into their portal. Igura was defeated.

Categories
Kamen Rider Vortex Kamen Rider Vortex Chapters

Chapter 17

Again! That dream has been infecting my brain again! I was getting a little peeved. Richard’s corpse had already grabbed me when I snarled at it. “What, am I going to join you as the restless dead?” I snarked.

“You’ve failed us and will pay in eternal waking!” accused the corpse.

“I failed no one!” I snarled as the decay spread across my body.

“You claim that,” continued the corpse, “but the power you’ve encountered has rendered you as a child! Our power shall show you what we mean!” That was when the light rapidly dimmed and brightened. It kind of hurt my eyes, but something about it reversed the decay on my person. The intelligent zombies of my friends, on the other hand, screamed in terror as a tall figure, about 8’5” approached them. In the rare moments of good lighting, I saw the figure turn into the Grim Reaper as western civilization imagined it, a skeleton in a black cloak brandishing a scythe. The reaper spoke.

“You have no power here, servant of evil!” it bellowed in a female voice that rolled with thunder and power. The corpses tried to get away but were turning to dust with each step Death took. “You are powerless!” she continued. “Faceless and nameless to all but those that will stop you! Go back to the prison from whence you came!” The bodies had all disappeared by the time Death approached me. Her features started changing, becoming less bony. The bottom of her cloak had gained more layers of skirts and the sleeves of the cloak had separated at the upper arm. The hood stayed on as white trim appeared at the hem, the waist, the chest area holding the dress up, and along both ends of the sleeves, which went over her hands as white flowers appeared around the circumference of the hand’s opening and at the back of her waist. Her face fleshed out, literally and became covered in white make up with black lines giving the appearance of a skull. Her eyes opened to reveal black orbs with a tiny blue dot in the center. “You and your friends need to wake up, child,” Death’s new form whispered. “You have a long day ahead of you.” She tapped my forehead. That was when I woke up. I heard chatter in the other rooms next to me. The pieces fell together. Someone is making us have a shared nightmare! The enemy, maybe? I had decided to talk to everyone about it before we departed. After my dress routine, I found everyone in the cafeteria. Bacon, eggs, and toast was the meal for the morning.

“Rough night?” I asked everyone.

“That dream was too vivid for me to even get sleep,” admitted Batman. “Others woke before and after me, giving the exact details of the dream I had.”

“The one where after your corpses accused me of failing and converting my currently annoyed form?” I asked.

“And where Death herself intervened?” supplied the Brigadier, with his helmet off. That moustache of his seems odd on his aged face. I can’t judge though.

“We must have had a forcibly shared nightmare,” I guessed. “There’s no way anyone can dream the same dream naturally and wake up at different times.”

“Someone’s trying to divide us,” observed Gandalf. “The enemy may have more elaborate means of getting past security.”

“Why would Death want to help us?” asked Wyldstyle.

“To help us find Kamen Rider Apocalypse and Vortex,” figured Tonje. “If the enemy feels it can do away with the whole concept of death, who’s to say she doesn’t have a stake in this?”

“The other horsemen may be after the enemy’s head too,” I supplied. “Besides, the Gateway Guardian said they were just really good at their jobs and are actually very nice ladies.”

“Then we just need to stabilize the portal with the last Keystone,” resolved Haitao. “Speaking of which, who’s got the Scale Keystone?”

“That would be me,” called Hongo. He lifted his left arm. “That just leaves one of the F.N.S to use the last one.”

“Once we finish breakfast,” I declared, “we meet in the Gateway room. Got it?” Everyone nodded their approval. We had all finished and cleared away the dishes. We mounted our steeds and vehicles again. “Ready?” I asked. I got confirmation from everyone.

“All systems fully operational!” reported Rusty.

“Locators online,” called the Brigadier.

“Dimensional location set to D-C-C-0-M-1-C-5,” relayed Elphaba.

“CHARGE!” I shouted. We pounded through the portal and ran through the rift. The Doctor had kept his word on us not encountering any rift loops.


In that universe, the Keystone was being surrounded by a crowd with cameras flashing, police keeping people away, and reporters trying to get a closer look. The last Keystone had a symbol shaped like a white compass in the center. Above it was a crescent shape connected with a blue dot and below it was an upside down four. The reporters were trying to get closer, some sneaking in camera shots, annoying the police. So involved were they in their work, they didn’t see a giant of a man step towards them until he let his footsteps get heavier. He wore spikey armor, a tattered cape, and a helmet with a crown on top where you only had the eyeholes to indicate where he could see. He carried a large staff with a mace affixed to the top. One of the police saw the man. “It’s not Halloween yet, is it?” he asked

“You’ll have to stay back, sir,” his partner told the stranger. “It isn’t safe here.”

“You are right,” confirmed the mystery man in a cold whisper.

“Wow,” praised the police officer, admiring the armor. “‘A’ for effort.” The mystery man then swung his staff at the crowd! The police fired on the man, but he simply raised his hand and stopped the bullets. He then directed the rounds into the crowd! He spoke in a language that sounded evil!

Shre nazg golugranu kilmi-nudu,

Ombi kuzd-durbagu gundum-ishi,

Nugu gurunkilu bard gurutu,

Ash burz-durbagu burzum-ishi,

Daghburz-ishi makha gulshu darulu.

Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul,

Ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul

Daghburz-ishi makha gulshu darulu. The crowd held their ears in pain. “Aw, is the Black Speech too hard on your ears?” mocked the man. “Here’s a translation into the language of men!”

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,

Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,

Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,

One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne.

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie,

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,

One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness, bind them,

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

“Who are you?!” cried a bystander.

“I am your new master,” answered the mystery man as he held up his right hand which held a ring in the ring finger. Fiery words in an unknown script raced across the band of gold around his finger. “I am Sauron, and you are now ‘guests’ of New Mordor!” Morgoth’s successor grabbed the Keystone and held it high. “Locate help from M-1-D-D-L-3-3-A-R-T-H!” Sauron’s fortress of Barad-dûr came down from a portal in the sky. It leveled a rotating building shaped like three L’s in a triangle. As the rubble fell from the building Barad-dûr sat on, Sauron brought over his Orc forces along with Turretorg, Discornia, the Vortexons, and the Combatmen of both Shocker branches. We had appeared as the crowds ran from the enemy. A newspaper guy ran by, dropping his load, but they weren’t his main priority. Batman saw the title of the paper, The Daily Planet. It had the headline INVASION with a picture of an Orc on the front.

“This is Metropolis,” observed Batman. Then Metropolis’ blue tights wearing protector zoomed by with that slicked back hairstyle with the curl in front, the red S on the front of the suit, and the red cape and boots. He saw us below and flashed a grin. I will admit, I swooned when he did that as did Xiomara and Emily.

“It’s Superman!” called Wyldstyle. “He’ll help us!” He wanted to, I could tell, but a portal sucked him up, cutting that plan short. “Ooooooohhhh,” groaned Wyldstyle in disappointment.

“That’s right,” grumbled the Dark Knight. “Leave it to Batman. Again!” Gandalf was distracted by the sight of Sauron’s fortress in the distance.

“Barad-dûr!” he breathed.

“What is that thing, Gandalf?” asked Wyldstyle.

“The Dark Tower, where Sauron dwells,” explained the wizard as he dropped to his knees and held his hat in his hands. “If he is here, all is lost! We cannot hope to defeat him without Frodo, without the One Ring.” Batman had grappled to a roof ledge and used binoculars to get a feel of his surroundings. Energy shields with electrified webs blocked the streets of Metropolis.

“That’s why Frodo was taken,” I surmised as I noticed the Dark Tower had no fiery eye on top. “The enemy needed Sauron’s forces and figured that he would command them better if he were in complete form instead of an eye on a tower.”

“I see him!” called Batman. “And the Keystone! Let’s go!” He spoke into a mike to inform someone of the situation.

“Good idea,” affirmed Wyldstyle as she punched her hand in readiness. “I may not know who Sauron is, but he sounds like bad news!”

“We better transform,” I declared. “Enemy forces are swarming the streets, ready to fight at a moment’s notice.” We got our i.d tags out and struck our poses.

“Rider…” began Hongo.

“Henshin!” we shouted. We all transformed and started running through the streets, fighting Orcs as we approached one of those gates. The webs looked organic inside the field.

“Oracle,” requested Batman into a communicator in his suit, “identify the materials that make up the web.” He activated external speakers and mikes.

“Various proteins are in the silk,” reported a female voice, “suggesting that the web is organic like a normal spider.”

“If it’s one of the Great Spiders that plague Middle-Earth,” mused Guard, “I will be very unsurprised.”

“There are giant spiders running around,” replied Oracle. “One of them, the apparent leader, is called Shelob by Sauron’s forces.”

“The Spawn of Ungoliant is here?” yelped Gandalf.

“Why is one of their number purple?” asked Zhànshì. I looked through the gate and saw a purple tarantula.

“Why is he here?!” I moaned, guessing that the purple spider was more than meets the eye.

“Let’s find out,” resolved Guard, making the same guess. “I see something in that dark area that has the outline of a keystone transmitter. Now may be a good time to use the Scale Keystone.” Gandalf lit the area up, confirming the object.

“I see,” I guessed. “Make one of us small and the person can mess with the electronics of the gate.”

“Let me do it,” called Climb as she pointed to a vent. “I AM called Kamen Rider Climb for a reason.”

“Very well,” I agreed. “Ichigō, if you please.”

“Scale Keystone, activate!” ordered Ichigō. “Lessen scale of Climb!” Climb shrunk down and crawled into the vent. Orcs and Lex-bots arrived!

“Well, that’s just great!” snapped Batman. “Gotta get these things out of the way!” Gandalf then remembered he had Glamdring on his person.

“Ah, yes!” he exclaimed as he drew the Foe-hammer out. “This could be just the very thing that’s needed.” We then went on the assault while Climb messed with the circuitry keeping the electric part of the gate up. Soon it fizzled out, leaving only the web. The spiders on the other side soon realized what was going on and rushed to their colleagues’ aid. The purple spider saw this and started scheming. While he schemed, Climb came back out of the vent. She had to dodge a bunch of feet.

“Ichigō, a little help?!” she asked in a tiny voice.

“Normalize scale of Climb!” called Ichigō. She grew back to her normal size and joined in the fight. The enemy was surprised. She then stabbed with her stylized kinjal and stabbed a spider, right in its middle!

“Oi!” I said to the purple spider. “Predacon! Help me!”

“How do you know about the Predacons?!” the spider spluttered. “Cybertron doesn’t exist in this universe!”

“That’s not for you to know,” I exclaimed. “Now get over here!” The spider shrugged his pedipalps and pounced on the other spiders.

“Traitor!” shrieked one.

“Dismantle it!” spat a second. “It’s a machine! I felt it! Save the squishy ones for our feast!”

“The fat one should have good meat and juices!” hissed a third, referring to Touché.

“You’re just jealous that I’m loved and you’re practically starving yourselves to gain attention,” quipped Touché. “Considering those spindles you walk on, I shouldn’t be surprised you’re hungry at all.”

“The meat insults us!” shrieked a fourth.

“Get your minds off of food and fatties like her for once and kill…!” the Orc didn’t get very far as Glamdring liberated the head from the neck.

“None shall insult a lady of good repute,” he hissed. We started chopping down the enemy.

“They sting! Sting!” yelled a spider.

“Sorry, we don’t have Sting on us,” joked Battle.

“Retreat!” droned a Lex-bot. “We’re no match for them now!” The enemy forces fled from the scene. The purple spider stayed behind and cackled.

“Now,” he giggled after he finished. He then tackled me. “You seem to know a thing or two about the Predacons!”

“And Maximals, Autobots, and Decepticons,” I replied. “In my world, Cybertron and its people were nothing more than a toy line with a story behind it. You’re an agent of the Tripredacus Council, Tarantulas, am I right?”

“You seem familiar with me,” cackled the Predacon Mad Scientist, “but I don’t recall meeting any fleshlings before I landed on Earth in its prehistory. Who are you?!”

“That’s not your concern,” I answered. I then tapped my blade under his abdomen.

“I hardly think you’re in a position to make demands,” snickered Tarantulas.

“Oh, I think you underestimate me, Master Tarantulas,” I argued. I grabbed his pedipalps roughly and shook him. He managed to get out of my grip and got into an attack position. I then swapped out my i.d tag. A dual image of Tarantulas’ two heads he had in Beast Wars appeared. I chose the one with the tiny horns.

“Transmetal Tarantulas Steel!” announced my belt.

“My Transmetal mode?!” spluttered the Tripredacus agent. “How did you get it?!”

“I have my ways,” I answered cryptically as the wardrobe dissolved. The new steel had circular shoulder pads with green dots, a set of yellow spider spinnerets on the back with purple spider legs pointing up. My boots were yellow and my arms were purple with yellow claws. My helmet gained Tarantulas’ mandibles and tiny horns. “Tarantulas, terrorize,” I mocked.

“Let me show you how a Transformer does it!” hissed Tarantulas. “Tarantulas, TERRORIZE!” The front of the spider swung down with the fangs and pedipalps becoming two digited claws and swinging out on arms that had the spider legs. Legs and feet swung out from the spinnerets as the head popped out, complete with yellow visor that had machinery on the upper part of the optical array to show emotions. He cackled as he finished his transformation. “Now then, fleshling,” cackled the robot in disguise, “your pale imitation of my Transmetal mode against the real deal!”

“You’re not in your Transmetal mode,” I reminded.

“Upgrades are a valuable thing, aren’t they!” cackled the spider bot. “METALIZE!” A wave of light passed over Tarantulas as he turned into his Transmetal mode, complete with his three digited hands. “You will serve as a perfect meal after I finish playing!” My friends then swapped their i.d tags.

“Transmetal Tarantulas Steel!” announced their belts. The wardrobes dissolved to reveal my friends in their new armor.

“Get him!” I shouted. Tarantulas leaned forward and fired from the dots on his shoulder pads. Guard, I, and, surprisingly, Touché, did the same. Tarantulas jumped out of the way but didn’t look where he was landing. Arch, Kämpfer, Sengoku, and Climb fired from their versions of Tarantulas’ wheel gun and fired on him. Tarantulas came to his knees, letting me grab his neck. He was surprised at my grip. “Now,” I said, “I need all the information on Sauron’s plans.”

“I can’t tell you,” smirked Tarantulas. I then commanded one of the spider legs on my back to bury itself into his shoulder. He squawked in pain.

“The next one will be in your skull,” I threatened. “Then we can download the information into Oracle.”

“I don’t know! I don’t know!” yelped Tarantulas, deciding, wisely, not to call my bluff. “We don’t know what the endgame is! Sauron won’t risk a security breach! The only thing I know is that it involves an object that summons objects from other universes, but he keeps it with him in Barad-dûr!”

“Then we need to get there,” I resolved, making plans.

“Good luck with that!” cackled Tarantulas. “He’s surrounded the fortress on all sides!” I grinned under my helmet.

“Go into your beast/vehicle mode,” I ordered. “You’re going to help us go through those gates while carrying me.”

“Wait, that’s not…!” spluttered Tarantulas.

“I’m going to take a page out of the Predacons’ book and alter the deal,” I hissed. “Pray I don’t alter it any further.” A few of my friends got the reference. Tarantulas spluttered for a while as he considered my offer. He fired his own wheel gun at the webbing still up on the gate, allowing us passage.

“Beast mode!” he snarled. In his Transmetal mode, the front folded up to allow the feet to become the fangs of the spider mode. The rear split away to allow the arms to tuck in behind the main body and the head to sink into the body while the spider legs held him up. He then folded his spider legs up and popped out wheels in a motorcycle configuration. I then climbed aboard. “You’ll pay for this, fleshling!” threatened Tarantulas.

“Shut up and drive!” I ordered. I kept a tiny bit of doubt in my mind as we may be played for fools. We arrived at the next gate. I dismounted and Tarantulas transformed again.

“Oi!” called an Orc. “I thought you were trustworthy! What are you doing?!”

“Helping us,” I replied for Tarantulas as I took out the Tarantulas i.d tag and put my own back in. I then converted my blade into rifle mode and unleashed hell on the enemy. “Ichigō-san, now would be a good time to shrink someone!” Part of a vent was dangling off the rest. Ichigō got an idea

“Scale Keystone, activate!” announced Ichigō. “Lessen scale of Wyldstyle!” Wyldstyle shrunk. Ichigō then picked her up. “I’m going to place you under the dangling bit of vent,” he told her. “When you grow to a larger height, I need you to hold up the vent part.”

“Got it!” confirmed Wyldstyle in a tiny voice. Ichigō then put her under the vent part while we kept the enemy off their backs.

“Enlarge scale of Wyldstyle!” announced Ichigō. Wyldstyle grew to a giant height and held the vent part in place. “Who’s willing to crawl into the vent?” asked Ichigō.

“Let me do it!” I called.

“Lessen scale of Royal!” ordered Ichigō. I shrunk down and headed straight for the opening. I crawled through the place and saw some wires.

“These look important,” I mused. I converted my rifle back into sword mode and started cutting wires. The electricity started sparking everywhere. “On reflection, Megumi Hishikawa,” I yelped to myself, “this probably wasn’t your smartest plan!” I managed to get out and land on a spider’s butt. Ichigō saw the tiny hole I made to make my escape and the electric part of the gate went down.

“Normalize scale of Royal!” he called. I grew and stabbed my spider in the butt. It thrashed around before going still.

“In all honesty,” I chuckled, “how many spiders can say their friend died of a butt stab?” I didn’t get enough time for an answer as an Orc was about chop my head off! As I ducked, another Orc launched a fire arrow at us. I then got an idea. “Hey, you!” I taunted. “Your aim is so bad; a normal man could hit the bullseye before you could! And that’s when an Elf is thrown into the equation!” That got the desired result as a fire arrow set the web part of the gate on fire.

“Oops,” mumbled the Orc.

“YOU IDIOT!” roared the Orc Captain. “SAURON ORDERED US TO KEEP THE GATES UP AND YOU LET A TAUNT INFECT YOUR BRAIN!! WERE YOU DROPPED ON YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU CAME OUT OF YOUR MOTHER?!” I was surprised by that comment but dropped it as a spider nearly jumped me. We managed to gain a little ground, but a rain of Orc arrows from another wall came down on us.

“We need to tear that wall down!” called Arch.

“Allow me to handle this,” assured Gandalf. He used magic to assemble a ramp out of a ruined car. He then mounted Shadowfax to charge over the gate and make the Orcs lean over their positions. The shift in balance made the wall topple, trapping the Orcs under the rubble. “Shall we press on?” asked Gandalf.

“I must learn how to do that!” giggled Tarantulas.

“Magic is the last thing a Predacon loony like you needs!” argued Touché. “You would dissect Gandalf and then eat his remains once your experiment was done. He doesn’t even run on Energon! How much nutritional value is in blood?!”

“My dear sister,” muttered Guard, “I thought you said you hated the Transformers franchise.”

“I lied!” snapped Touché.

“My filters would have adjusted,” cackled Tarantulas. “It’s the act I like more than the nourishment!”

“You’re a sick bug!” I commented. I then heard whispering. “Shut up for a sec, you guys,” I said. I stealthily followed the noise with my team following close behind. What I saw chilled me. There, around a fire, were nine beings cloaked in black. The hoods did not display their faces.

“What are they?” whispered Hunt.

“They were great kings of Men once,” explained Gandalf. “But the nine rings that were granted to them had corrupted them, made them lust for power. Now, after their initial deaths, they serve Sauron as literal shadows of their former selves. They are the Nazgûl, Ringwraiths.”

“The Nine,” I whispered, remembering the shrieks Peter Jackson gave them. “Do they have names?”

“Only titles,” replied Gandalf. “Their Lord is the Witch-King of Angmar. His second in command is the Shadow of the East, and the others are the Dark Marshal, the Betrayer, the Shadow Lord, the Undying, the Dwimmerlaik, the Tainted, and the Knight of Umbar.”

“Let’s listen to what they have to say,” I whispered.

“Shire…” whispered East. “Baggins… The Hobbit then pointed me to Bag End, but Frodo wasn’t there. So, my hunt went to the forest near a farmer. I could smell them near a tree, and one of them got the bright idea,” he held up a bag and changed his tone to an angry one, “TO THROW A BAG OF VEGETABLES TO DISTRACT ME!”

“You think you had it bad?” whispered Dwimmerlaik. The tone was feminine, so it surprised me after Gandalf told us they were men. “Tainted, Betrayer, Undying, and I were in the hotel OPPOSITE of theirs, so our kill count was about…four murdered bed pillows!”

“And that gate keeper,” whispered Tainted, in a slight Scots accent. “Why’d he have to die?”

“Sorry,” whispered Betrayer. “The journey to Bree made me wait for my horse’s ferry. It just made me so angry!”

“…That made you angry?” whispered Tainted. “We’re bound to the fate of a piece of jewelry, we have no horses after that flood near Rivendell, we just got the sack from Sauron, and an inconvenience like not having your horse near you at all times makes you angry!”

“The sack?” asked Gandalf.

“Fired,” I explained. Gandalf didn’t understand. “Er, released from service,” I said.

“Dismissed?” yelped Gandalf, a little louder than I would have liked. “Sauron released his lieutenants from service?”

“SSHH!” I hissed.

“THEY WERE RIGHT THERE!” shrieked East. “THEY WERE STARING ME IN THE FACE!”

“Maybe we would have gotten the Ring,” whispered Betrayer, “if we didn’t look so bloody ominous!”

“I told you,” hissed Knight, “black is a very slimming color.”

“Well, even though we lost our jobs,” whispered Dwimmerlaik, “at least we look pretty!” Sarcasm was heavy in her voice.

“Enough!” snarled Witch-King. “It’s hardly our fault. Lord Vortech thought to give the Ring to Sauron. He needed control over our forces. With the Ring in his possession, Sauron believes himself invincible.”

“And you know of a weakness?” asked East.

“Don’t be absurd, Khamûl,” whispered Witch-King. “Sauron wouldn’t be stupid to reveal his weakness to anyone.” I sighed inwardly, as I had hoped I would gain intel on that.

“Absurd?” hissed East. “Absurd?! That’s it! I’ve had it up to here with you! You constantly push us around and don’t even give us thanks for it!”

“Perhaps we would have been given the reward we so richly deserve,” hissed Witch-King, “if you weren’t distracted by a bag of carrots!”

“Oh yeah?!” hissed East. “I hope you turn to ash, you pathetic excuse of a King!”

“Do you have a problem?!” hissed Witch-King.

“Yes!” responded East. “It’s 7’1” and reeks of Númenor!”

“Well, you’re an overbearing failure that gets his directions from midgets!” hissed Witch-King.

“You’re bossy,” accused East, “you’re rude, and you have no sense of hand to hand combat!”

“I don’t know why Sauron gave you your ring in the first place!” hissed Witch-King.

“That makes two of us!” hissed East. “I QUIT!” He stormed off. We decided to slip past them. I really wish we could mask our smells, because Dwimmerlaik sniffed the air.

“Hang on,” she whispered, “I smell someone! Khamûl, come back! We need you!”

“No, we don’t!” hissed Witch-King. “If he wishes to abandon us, let him do so! Khòrena, what do you smell?”

“Men, women, and the metal spider!” whispered Dwimmerlaik. “Khamûl, get over here!”

“I said, leave him!” hissed Witch-King.

“Don’t be stupid!” hissed Dwimmerlaik. “We need him to beat these guys!”

“Khòrena, put him out of your mind!” barked Witch-King. “That is an order!”

“Go drown yourself,” hissed Marshal. “Khamûl’s been carrying us more than you have. Khòrena, since you were third in command, what are your orders?”

“Never mind the humans,” whispered Dwimmerlaik, “we need Khamûl more than Angmar here!” The remaining Nazgûl split into two sides, Witch-King and the rest. Dwimmerlaik and her company mounted their horses and rode off after East, leaving Witch-King to fight us.

“TRAITORS!” shrieked Witch-King. “DECEIVERS! TWO FACED DOLTS! I’LL HAVE YOUR HEADS!” He was in such a rage that he gave the signature Nazgûl shriek. He then turned to us. “Fine,” he hissed as he grabbed a helmet that gave off an image of a crown of thorns, “I’ll deal with these creatures myself!”

“Scram!” I snapped as he looked at me. “We’ve got a mission and an undead king isn’t gonna stop us.”

“Come not between the Nazgûl and his prey!” warned the former Nazgûl leader. He swung his mace at us, nearly knocking the wind out of us. As we ducked, my face was too near his sword’s point. I spun away, making him focus on me. As he raised his weapons, the Nazgûl lord was struck across the back by Touché’s foil. He dropped his weapons as he cried out in pain. I then plunged my sword into his arm, making him clutch the wound as I pulled my blade out.

“Cease battle!” I shouted.

“Are you out of your mind?!” called Guard.

“Royal is right,” remarked Gandalf as he sheathed Glamdring. “Without Sauron to answer to, the Witch-King of Angmar is nothing more than a ghost. He cannot hope to continue without the power of the Ring or his former servants.”

“We proceed to the last gate,” I affirmed.

“No living man can hinder the Nazgûl lord,” argued Battle. “A good chunk of us are women! We need him gone!”

“No!” I said with finality in my voice. “If any of the ladies kill him now, rest assured, I will see to it that you have your membership in the Feudal Nerd Society revoked!” Harsh, I admit, but I was not about to kill a creature that needed pity more than death. Everyone considered, then sheathed their weapons. “I thought so,” I commented. We pressed on when something dark gripped us. An evil voice spoke, belonging to the Dark Lord of Mordor.

“You cannot hide,” he hissed.

“Not even trying to,” I responded. Sauron laughed and faded. We ploughed our way through and made it to the final gate. “Er, where’s the transmitter?” I gulped. “Spread out!”

“Bit of a problem,” replied Kämpfer, “a security door is closing whenever we approach it and Combatmen from inside are laughing at us.”

“On top of that,” continued Hongo, “Vortexons are near that locker inside.” The aforementioned minions were laughing and miming that they can’t open the locker. I got an idea and swapped the Tarantulas i.d tag for the Batman one.

“Batman Steel!” announced my belt. I got the armor on straight away.

“Taunt them back,” I directed. “I have a plan.” The Vortex Riders did, admittedly, childish things to taunt them, by anyone’s standards. The enemy then went into a taunt war with my friends while I slipped in and fiddled with the controls, i.e. I cut a few wires to make it spark. When it did, a Shocker Combatman tried to make the doors close. When he failed, that’s when I made myself visible. The enemy turned, then smiled nervously as they waved. I gave the Queen wave before I grabbed a Vortexon and spun around, knocking everyone out. Gandalf got in after the enemy fell and jimmied the lock on the locker. A transmitter fell out.

“That’s exactly what we need!” called Hongo.

“I saw an air vent with a dangling part above the building’s awning,” revealed Wyldstyle. “If you could accompany me up, Hongo?”

“Gladly!” cheered Ichigō. They jumped up and landed perfectly up top.

“Now THAT is impressive jumping power!” cackled Tarantulas.

“It should be,” I replied. “On top of cybernetics, he’s been blended with the DNA of a grasshopper.”

“You mean, he’s a genetically altered cyborg?” gagged Tarantulas.

“One of Shocker’s greatest successes and failures,” I mused. Tarantulas made a disgusted noise. “You were gonna dissect him and eat him, weren’t you!” I yelped.

“I WAS,” muttered Tarantulas, “but genetically altered people don’t taste well.”

“I was right! You’re SICK!” I accused.

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” countered Tarantulas.

“Scale Keystone, activate!” announced Ichigō. “Lessen scale of Wyldstyle!” Wyldstyle shrunk and went under the dangling part of the vent. “Enlarge scale of Wyldstyle!” Wyldstyle grew, holding the vent part in its place. “Lessen scale of Ichigō!” Ichigō shrunk and crawled into the vent. Sadly, enemy forces were trying to get up the awning.

“Ugh, not again!” moaned Batman. He turned up. “Hongo! You gotta deactivate the gateway!” No sooner had he asked than the electricity surrounding the web part of the gate shut off. Ichigō then leapt out and landed on Wyldstyle’s shoulder as she let the vent part drop.

“Normalize scale of Wyldstyle and Ichigō!” called Ichigō. Not a bright move as when their mass and size changed, they toppled onto each other. They disentangled themselves soon enough and joined us. Spiders then approached us.

“Tough and thick, your skins must be,” one hissed at us, “but I’ll wager that there’s good juices inside!”

“Aye, they’ll make fine feasting when they’ve hung a bit!” remarked another.

“Only a few are well fed,” observed a third as it looked at Touché. “Don’t hang ‘em too long!”

“What is it, Make Fun of Fat Women Day?” snapped Touché.

“You should be honored!” said a fourth to her. “With one of your girth, you could feed us for months!”

“Feast! Feast! Feast!” chanted the spiders. I was still in Batman Steel, so I activated my stealth functions. Batman did the same. My friends then swapped out their i.d tags for the Batman one.

“Batman Steel!” their belts announced. After the wardrobe disappeared, they activated their stealth functions.

“THE MEAT’S DISAPPEARED!” shouted the first spider.

“Easy fix,” assured the fourth spider. It turned around rapidly and started firing web balls at us. Long story short, we got webbed. “There we are! Right…”

“Where I want you!” called Tarantulas. I got web over my eyes, so I couldn’t see. All I heard were the screams and death rattles of the spiders. Once the screams died down, I heard a hissing noise. As it progressed, the web around me got brittle. I moved my head, making the web crack all around me. I got up and witnessed my friends doing the same and Tarantulas was kicking off the web on the gate. The spiders laid dead with cracked exoskeletons and puncture points.

“Er…what did…?” I asked Tarantulas.

“Crystalocution is a martial art that focuses on attacking the enemy’s fracture points,” explained Tarantulas. “Granted, it’s never been done on an organic, but I needed to test a theory. If one were to use that martial art on an organic with an exoskeleton, the results would be similar, not exact, to using in on a metal enemy. Those three Orcs over there,” he pointed to the messy remains of Orcs that I will NOT describe here because it was gory, “served as the control group. As you can see, my theory was proven correct. The results are similar, but not exactly like attacking a Cybertronian. Now, all that’s left is to find out if the results are the same for ALL organics with natural armor.” The web was cleared away. “Shall we go?” asked Tarantulas.

“Ah, good!” cheered Gandalf, welcoming the change in topic. “Onwards! Onwards!”

“Why do I get the feeling that the worst is still to come?” asked Wyldstyle. The question repeated in all of our heads as we pressed on.