We made our way to a landing pad in two hours. The new Gotengo-A looked like the one in Godzilla: Final Wars but was a little trimmer. Admiral Douglas Gordon, I still remember him as a Captain, came out to meet us as well as Biollante. She saw Zilla, ran towards him, and hugged him, wrapping all four legs around him. Zilla reciprocated, earning a raised eyebrow from Godzilla. “Biollante? Explanations?” he asked.
“We’re dating,” replied Biollante. Godzilla’s eyes went wide.
“Er, Biollante, could you excuse us for a sec?” he hissed. Biollante sensed what Godzilla was gonna do.
“Be gentle with him, all right?” she requested as she released Zilla. Godzilla then slowly advanced on him with a disarming smile. Zilla gave a nervous grin and a small wave. Godzilla dropped the grin and hoisted him above his head.
“Break her heart and I boil yours!” snarled Godzilla. He was then grabbed by the tail and pulled backwards to fall on his face. Biollante had released her leg’s grip on his tail.
“In what way was that gentle?” she hissed.
“So, you have the coordinates?” asked Admiral Gordon.
“We do, indeed,” answered Mothra. “I’ll give them to your navigator.”
“Excellent,” grunted Admiral Gordon. “Let’s get going.” We all boarded the Gotengo-A and made ourselves comfortable.
“You know,” I pondered aloud, “what would Kiryu’s brain be doing in geostationary orbit?”
“Good question,” replied Admiral Gordon. “Maybe…” the alarm interrupted him. “Report!” he shouted to Tactical.
“We have an intruder on board!” reported Tactical. “It’s in the cargo hold!”
“What is it doing?!” I asked.
“Just walking around!” replied Tactical.
“Security! Cargo hold, on the double!” barked Admiral Gordon. My team and the Kaiju-men joined him as we made our way to the cargo hold. On the way, Batman chose this opportunity to talk.
“Tora-Onna would help,” he suggested.
“Out of the question,” I shot down.
“You’re being absurd!” snapped Batman.
“I can’t scare these people!” I replied. “Besides, X-PO told me that the belts have self-repair functions.”
“How long?” asked Batman.
“That, he didn’t say,” I answered. Our conversation was cut short as we arrived at the cargo hold. The intruder was surrounded.
“Hands in the air!” barked Admiral Gordon. The intruder turned and faced him. It was a Japanese woman in her late 40’s. She wore a dress similar to my old princess one, but in red and gold, and she wore my crown.
“About time!” she griped. “You guys came later than I remember.”
“Lady, who are you?!” asked Admiral Gordon.
“Obaa-san,” (Grandmother) I interjected, “we need some questions answered.”
“Watch it!” snapped the woman. “I’m still in my late 70’s. My 30 something twin daughters don’t have children yet.”
“Late 70’s?!” I asked. “Lady, you look like you’re in your late 40’s!”
“Oh?” she asked. “I aged more gracefully than I remember.”
“Lady, who are you?!” I hissed, repeating Admiral Gordon’s question.
“Take a look, a deep look, Queen Megumi Hishikawa,” answered the woman. Wait, what?
“You know my name?” I quizzed. I then examined her face. Something seemed…familiar. I ran my hand down my nose, she mirrored my movements. I ran my hand across my cheek, she mirrored me again. I then traced an imaginary wrinkle up my other cheek, she did the same! “No!” I gasped. “You’re…”
“Yep,” replied the woman.
“All of it?” I asked.
“Uh huh,” answered the woman.
“Even the wrinkles?!” I asked.
“Yes!” she said hotly.
“You’re me… at 70 years old?” I queried.
“YES!” she confirmed.
“How did you…?” I asked my future.
“Something called a Hyper-time hole,” explained 70-year-old me. “It allows me to go into any point in a universe’s timeline. I just hope this is the point where I made the right decision.”
“On?” I asked.
“My deciding to use Tora-Onna, or rather, you deciding to do so,” answered 70-year-old me.
“Oh no, not you!” I snapped.
“Yes, me!” hissed 70-year-old me.
“Tora-Onna?” asked Admiral Gordon.
“Megumi has a monster form, a mutant tiger cyborg,” explained Lacey.
“And you didn’t tell us?!” roared Admiral Gordon.
“It’s not a side I use frequently,” I answered.
“Well, we need an edge,” insisted Mothra.
“Yes, and I can’t have you just blatantly ignoring that side,” snapped 70-year-old me.
“Well, I can’t just use her willy-nilly!” I snarled. “Now, go back to your time and take that stupid purple hole with you!”
“Purple hole?” quizzed 70-year-old me. She followed my finger and saw the hole above us. “That should have closed,” she muttered.
“Well, you used to be me,” I mused. “What happens next?”
“I don’t remember,” replied 70-year-old me.
“…How can you forget THIS?!” I quizzed as I pointed to the two of us…me…her…whatever.
“Hang on!” protested 70-year-old me. “It’s hardly MY fault! You’re obviously not paying enough attention!” She tossed me a Sonic Screwdriver while she took out a gold scepter with a blue orb on it. “Now, help me reverse the polarity!” she commanded. I switched the Sonic Screwdriver on while she pressed a button that opened the orb and released a blue light. The purple hole stayed. “It’s…not working,” muttered 70-year-old me.
“You’re BOTH reversing the polarity,” rasped Batman.
“Yes, that was the…” I reminded.
“YOU’RE reversing the polarity, then YOU’RE reversing it back,” interrupted Batman. “You’re CONFUSING the polarity.” At that point, someone came through the hole and it closed. The figure dusted itself off. It was an older Japanese woman, in her 90’s by the look, having white hair, a warmer dress, and a cane. She looked around the place.
“Ah, the Gotengo-A,” she sighed. “That takes me back.” She then saw the two of…me. “Ah! I remember! The points of my life converging!”
“Another me?!” I yelped.
“I’m as surprised as you!” called 70-year-old me.
“Well, to answer the question you DON’T usually ask a lady,” remarked the oldest me, “I was celebrating my bicentennial.”
“200 years!!” I yelped. “You look like you’re in your 90’s!”
“I’ve forgotten how much I’ve stated the obvious,” sighed 200-year-old me. “So, this is the point where the Scaredy-cat and the Ridiculous Queen Mom come together.” Did…I just get insulted…twice over…by me?! “Have you done anything towards your mission?” asked 200-year-old me.
“Well, we’re finding Kiryu’s brain,” I answered.
“And I was telling this nitwit not to be afraid of Tora-Onna,” snapped 70-year-old me.
“Just as I thought,” muttered 200-year-old me. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?!” I said hotly.
“What is your real mission here, hm?” asked 200-year-old me.
“My real…oh, yeah,” I recalled, remembering why I came to this dimension in the first place.
“Heather’s trying to make another Apocalypse Driver!” gulped 70-year-old me.
“Thankfully, you and your team are on the right track,” replied 200-year-old me. “She’s near Kiryu’s brain on the Xilien ship it’s on.”
“What?!” I yelped.
“The Xiliens?!” roared Godzilla. “Those nitwits that controlled a good chunk of monsters?! I’ll roast them!”
“All hands,” ordered Admiral Gordon, “prepare boarding parties! Get weapons online! We’re facing the Xiliens again!”
“Now, what do the Xiliens usually want, hm?” asked 200-year-old me.
“Well, er…” began 70-year-old me.
“A certain resource?” I finally answered. “Like water, or our mitochondria?”
“It’s water again,” replied 200-year-old me. “So, stop stalling and kick Xilien ass!” She then made another purple hole and jumped in!
“Hey!” I called.
“You let her get away!” accused 70-year-old me.
“Did not! That was you!” I protested.
“Girls, PLEASE!” called Lacey.
“Who’s a girl?!” the two of me asked, offended. I like to consider myself as an adult.
“We need a forward boarding party,” replied Lacey. “Who’s leading it?”
“Me!” called the two of me. We then looked at each other. “ME!” We glared at each other for a while.
“Oh, for the love of…!” hissed Batman as he fished out a coin. He handed it to me. I looked on both sides. It was Two-Face’s double-headed coin. I showed it to 70-year-old me.
“Call it, clean or marred?” I asked.
“Marred,” replied 70-year-old me. I tossed it and slapped it to the back of my hand. “Well?” asked 70-year-old me as I looked.
“Bad luck, Obaa-san,” I replied. She bristled at that remark and the tone I used.
“All right,” she sighed. “Just be careful.”
“Careful?” I asked. “I seem to forget when I get to be your age that a Kamen Rider does NOT become one by being careful.” I picked Godzilla, King Ghidorah, Batman, and Biollante. I needed heavy hitters to take out whatever resistance we met. We soon arrived, the Xilien ship taking the form of the saucer that arrived in the Showa Era. Ghidorah clenched his fists. I put my hand on his shoulder. “Easy,” I called. “Wait until we’re inside.” We went nearer and nearer…and nearer…and nearer still!
“Okay, we’re in weapons range right now,” rumbled Admiral Gordon. “Why aren’t they shooting us?”
“Someone asleep at the switch?” asked Lacey.
“That, or it’s a trap,” guessed Batman.
“We’re running alongside the Xiliens’ ship now,” reported Tactical.
“Send out an airlock and get ready to board,” ordered Admiral Gordon. My team got ready and the airlock docked with the ship. We started cutting our way through. Once the metal was cut sufficiently enough, we forced the doorway into the ship. Once the metal cooled, we went in. What I saw, ladies and gentlemen, had to be seen to be believed. Three men were asleep at the console. They were men I had seen on YouTube before! One of the men had a black, bowl style haircut, the second had red, curly hair at the back and sides, but none on top, and the third was a fat, bald man. It was Moe, Larry, and Curly, the Three Stooges! Batman and Lacey saw them and their jaws dropped.
“You were right!” I whispered to Lacey as the Stooges snored. “Three times over, even!”
“What are THEY doing here?!” asked Lacey.
“I’m supposed to be the World’s Greatest Detective,” mused Batman, “and even I don’t know!”
“They must have blundered their way here,” I whispered. I then waved 70-year-old me’s assault team of Zilla, Mothra, Admiral Gordon, and the blundering Kiryu. 70-year-old me saw the Stooges and rubbed her eyes.
“How?!” she whispered.
“Does it matter?!” I asked. “Our assault may go a little more smoothly! To the bridge! We’ll find the Controller there.” We proceeded to the bridge, making sure not to get caught. When we arrived, Heather was there, talking to a Xilien. Well, shouting at, I should say.
“I’ve been doing things for you for a while now and the belt you said you have hasn’t arrived in my hand yet!” she roared. “$5,000! No less!” The Xilien shook his head. “X, you are a criminal! A cheat! Your impure savagery knows no bounds!”
“Hold your tongue, human mongrel,” hissed the Xilien Controller, X, “or these negotiations are concluded in a very messy way. THAT is my final request! The United States’ Federal Gold Reserve is simply the cost of doing business with my people!”
“Doesn’t power mean anything to you?!” roared Heather. “I guaranteed an entire universe for you! But, you will only get it once I have the belt!”
“You told me of the power it has,” replied X. “Which is why I sent you on those tasks, which, for human scum, you did well. You allowed Monster 2-1 and Monster 2-2 to get captured and taken to the G.D.F base. You took Kiryu’s brain, rendering the smartest monster in 15 countries useless. Now, we need valuable materials for an economy. That’s why the price is what it is.”
“I should have hired the Klan!” snapped Heather. “You’re nothing but incompetent filth!”
“No, worm, that is you, not me,” replied X. He turned to one of his men. “I know this requires touching her but get this piece of human garbage into the brig!”
“At once, Controller,” confirmed the man. He grabbed Heather roughly, who spewed thousands of racist phrases at him, the insulting J word being among them. The man just responded with “Shut up, vermin.” They were off the bridge before X found something else to rant about.
“Why aren’t our scanners back online?!” he roared. “Those three should have fixed it an hour ago!”
“That’s your first mistake,” I muttered. I was promptly shushed.
“I can’t understand it, Controller,” remarked a Xilien woman. “They’re supposed to be members of the Scientific Elite!”
“Well, clearly not!” snapped X. “Commander 0-2-9, go find them! Order them to hurry up or be executed!”
“At once,” obliged the woman. We made ourselves scarce as she went through the door. After a few seconds, we heard her wake the Stooges up.
“Gee, sorry, Ms. Xamper,” apologized Moe’s voice. “We were just…”
“I know, I know,” replied the woman, Xamper. “Look, there’s a circuit board. And there’s a computer bank. But, the computer bank is no good without the circuit board. Not one itty bitty bit of good. YOU HALF-WITS! Get to fixing this thing or else!”
“Or else what?!” asked Larry.
“Or else we see if members of the Scientific Elite can run around with their heads cut off!” threatened Xamper.
“Well, fellas,” gulped Larry, “let’s get to work!”
“I think you got something there!” yelped Moe.
“So help me, if you twits mess this up…!” roared Xamper. She didn’t get very far as something clonked her on the head. The Stooges made frightened noises and ran past us and onto the bridge with Xamper in hot pursuit.
“That’s our cue!” I called. “CHARGE!” The Kaiju-men gave off their signature roars as we stormed the bridge. The whole bridge crew was surprised by our entrance and we managed to get into various grappling matches. I managed to tackle X to the floor, shoving theories of how he came back to life to the back of my mind. I then shoved X’s coat over his head.
“What’s going on?!” he demanded as he tried to restore his vision. I then delivered a swift kick in his pants and he tumbled into his chair. He soon got out of his situation and his hair spiked up. He was in his Keizer state!
“Not good!” I yelped. He then delivered several blows to my person. As I hit the floor, I noticed how many bruises and cuts I had. I was outclassed, and I didn’t have a functioning belt! “All right, multiverse, you win!” I shouted to the heavens. “You want Tora-Onna? You got her!” I then felt my muscles expand, a tail came out, my mouth and nose became a muzzle, my human ears shrunk into my head while tiger ears came out from the top, and fur and metal appeared everywhere. My dress had changed into pants, must be Shocker Tech that changed my clothes, and I unsheathed my claws, roaring at Keizer X. We then clashed again, this time the blows were equal. While that was going on, King Ghidorah was fighting Xamper. They matched blow for blow.
“Oh, how I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do this to you, Monster 0!” giggled Xamper.
“It’s King Ghidorah!” roared Ghidorah.
“Apologies, ‘Your Majesty’!” mocked Xamper. Ghidorah blasted the woman with his Gravity beams. “You would strike a lady!?” she protested.
“I strike at any evil, gender be damned!” roared Ghidorah. Xamper then round-housed him into the wall.
“Well, I tried,” she sighed. She then fought with greater ferocity. At that point, green gunk landed on her back. It was apparently acidic as she screamed in agony. She face the one who threw that at her. Biollante had taken a different form. She still looked human, but her hair was darker, the rose that usually adorned her hair wasn’t, her fingers looked like the toothy vines she used for attack, and her teeth were more jagged. “Plant Witch!” roared Xamper as the acid sap stopped its effects. Her hair spiked up. It was another Keizer!
“Come at me!” taunted Biollante. Xamper threw Ghidorah at Biollante and the two Kaiju-men crumpled in a heap. They picked themselves up, telling each other to watch it. At that point, Heather came in, holding a laser gun.
“NOBODY MOVE!” she shouted. “I got you J*** covered!” Then, I heard it, the familiar “Nyuk Nyuk!” as Curly flipped a switch. “WHO PUT OUT THE LIGHTS?!” squawked Heather as she took a few shots in the dark, literally. Curly had turned the lights off and we started blundering into each other. Godzilla lit a match.
“Nee-chan! You there?!” he asked before someone snuffed the match and he fired his atomic breath wildly into the ceiling. Curly lit another match.
“Here I am, Moe!” he called before he turned to me. “NYAAAaaaAAAaaaAAAAH!” he screamed before I snuffed the match. I guess I scare people easily. X then activated a Xilien flashlight.
“Careful around here!” he barked before two people decked him. I then found a match and struck it.
“Batman, where are you?!” I asked. Someone grabbed my shoulder. I yelped and punched the guy. It was Batman! “Batman, I’m sorry!” I gasped. Batman accepted the apology and switched the lights on. The Kaiju-men and Admiral Gordon were picking themselves up, Heather and the Xiliens were out cold, my team rushed to my side, and the Stooges had tangled themselves up and were fighting.
“Curly, get your foot out of my eye!” demanded Larry.
“Whose feet are you talking about?!” protested Curly as he bit a hand, making Moe scream.
“Okay, apple-head, you asked for it!” Larry started twisting the foot and screaming in pain. “OW, THAT’S MINE!” cried Larry.
“Get them loose!” I snapped. We all disentangled the Stooges. Moe then turned on Curly.
“That’s my hand, not a ham!” he shouted before smacking Curly on the forehead. “What’s the matter with you?!”
“Hey, let him alone!” protested Larry.
“What are you butting in for?!” snapped Moe. He then held his fist out. “See that?” Larry smacked it down and the fist went in a circle on Larry’s head.
“Gentlemen!” called 70-year-old me. The Stooges looked behind themselves. “I mean you three,” sighed 70-year-old me.
“Oh, us!” replied Moe. The Stooges went over to her. “What can we do for you, Madame?”
“Could you boys tell me how you got here?” asked 70-year-old me.
“Yeah, how did you guys pass yourselves off as Xilien Scientists?” I asked. The Stooges turned and made scared noises. “What’s the matter with you?!” I snapped.
“The fur!” hissed Godzilla. “Lose the fur!”
“What fur?” I asked. I looked myself over and realized I was still Tora-Onna. “Hey! I still feel like me! I don’t need to be afraid of Tora-Onna anymore!” I then reverted to my human state. At that point, a band of light flew onto the bridge and wrapped around my waist. It then died down and formed the Supreme Vortex Driver! I heard Vortoranii yawn.
“That was a nice nap,” she sighed. “What did I miss?”
“You chose NOW to repair yourself?!” I protested.
“Actually, I simply switched that function off while I was dissected,” explained Vortoranii. “I wanted to see how well you fought without a belt and it seems you did pretty well! I was afraid you were using me as a crutch.”
“You could have told me this was a test of my natural abilities!” I snapped.
“That would have broken the test,” replied Vortoranii. “In any case, what ARE you three doing here?”
“Well, we were doing our plumbing business,” answered Moe, “when a blue hole opened under us. We landed in the corridor out there.”
“Then Xamper came up, thinking we were scientists,” continued Larry. “We were about to correct her.”
“Then we saw the guards,” supplied Curly. “So, we were promoted to scientists!”
“And we’ve been trying to fix the ship for a week now,” finished Larry.
“Oh boy,” I sighed.
“Yeah, but the way we wired things, one touch on the controls,” boasted Moe, “and the ship goes crashing down.”
“Let’s hold off on that,” I suggested. “We need to find this guy’s brain.” I indicated Kiryu.
“Ha HA!” laughed Kiryu as he shoved Curly. “Roly poly!”
“What did HE drink?!” asked Curly.
“Must have hit the Mectacoconane too hard,” replied Moe, making up a drink.
“Fellas, let’s find his brain!” declared Larry.
“Where?” asked Moe.
“Well, uh,” stammered Larry.
“Oh, ignorant, eh?!” snapped Moe as he smacked Larry. “Hey, onion-head, where can we find his brain?”
“Well, it, um,” replied Curly.
“Oh, don’t know, eh?!” snarled Moe as he smacked Curly.
“Wait a minute!” protested Larry. “Do YOU know where we can find his brain?!”
“No, what’s it to you?” growled Moe.
“Oh, nothing,” replied Larry. “Just wanted to know.”
“Maybe it’s in that file cabinet,” I suggested. The Stooges started looking in the open drawer.
“Nothing but papers,” muttered Larry. He shut the drawer so hard that it opened the bottom one. It hit his feet. Larry started clutching his feet.
“Stand aside!” declared Curly. He shut the drawer and the middle one opened, going right into his tummy. He started holding it to make the pain go away, then he wagged his finger at the drawer, going “hhhMMMM!!”
“You lame-brains can’t do anything right, can you?!” snapped Moe. “Get out of the way! I’LL show you how to close it!” He shut the middle drawer and ducked down when the top drawer slid open. “See?” called Moe. “That’s using your brain!” He then got up and hit his head on the drawer’s underside.
“Guys!” announced Zilla. He was holding an ovular shaped object, colored in silver. It had some sort of port on the underside.
“That’s Kiryu’s brain!” cheered Biollante. “Zilla-chan, where did you find it?!”
“In X’s coat pocket,” replied Zilla. “I was frisking him for any plans on his person. Let’s install the brain before we crash the ship.” As Mothra and Ghidorah got to work, the Stooges started groaning.
“X had the brain the entire time!” said Larry, exasperated.
“How do you like that?!” asked Curly.
“I DON’T like it,” replied Moe. “And I don’t like this cabinet! But, it’s a matter of principle with me! I’m gonna shut that drawer if it’s the last thing I do!” He slammed the drawer, but Larry and Curly had their hands on top of the cabinet with their fingers going over. The drawer smashed their fingers and slid forward again to smash Moe in the face. As Larry and Curly rubbed their fingers to get rid of the pain, Moe shook his head. “That’s the last thing I’ll do,” he sighed. We then heard a groan. We turned to the source to see Kiryu holding his head.
“Kiryu? Buddy?” asked Zilla. “Pull my finger?”
“…Don’t be infantile!” snapped Kiryu as he swatted the finger away.
“He’s back!” cheered Mothra.
“You know,” teased Zilla, “you’d still be the smartest monster in 29 countries if you’d lighten up a bit!”
“15 countries,” corrected Kiryu. “Why is that so difficult to remember?”
“Whatever!” dismissed Zilla.
“It’s obviously NOT a ‘whatever’ if Kiryu insists you use the right number!” replied 70-year-old me.
“A good chunk of White America in a nutshell,” I remarked.
“HEY!” protested Zilla.
“Kiryu-san,” I continued, “the Xilien ship is under our control, but we can’t risk any powers on Earth trying the Xilien plan of taking our water. These three have wired the controls in a way so we can crash the ship. You might want to hold on to something.” Kiryu nodded and went to brace himself. We all followed suit. “Okay, boys!” I called to the Stooges. “Get this ship out of the sky!”
“She wants us to take over!” cheered Moe.
“What are we waiting for?!” asked Curly. The Stooges started fiddling with the controls. The ship then started turning and falling! The Gotengo-A was following us closely as we made our way to the crash site. When we landed, the Xilien ship was a smoldering wreck. We picked our way out and saw we were near the G.D.F base!
“Success!” cheered Moe as he and his friends shook each other’s hands.
“Congratulations all around,” I praised. I then grabbed Heather by the hair. After checking to make sure she had a pulse, which she did, I shook her awake. She then saw me.
“LET GO!” she barked.
“Nothing doing!” I replied. “You’re coming with me!”
“What about him?” asked Heather as she pointed behind me.
“Nice try,” I said, totally deadpan.
“Er, ma’am,” gulped Kiryu, “I don’t think that was a lame attempt at distraction.”
“What are you…?” I asked. I then saw X right behind the Stooges! “EEEEEEE!” I yelled in terror.
“What song is that?” asked Larry.
“Guys, be careful! He’s behind you!” I warned.
“Who?” asked Moe. X then blew on Moe’s left shoulder. He turned to Curly. “Don’t breathe down my neck! I don’t like it!” X then blew on Curly’s shoulder.
“It’s all right for YOU to do it!” snapped Curly.
“Do what?” asked Moe.
“Breathe down my neck! Onions, too!” clarified Curly.
“You’re crazy!” remarked Moe. Larry then giggled as X blew on his shoulder.
“Stop it! You tickle me!” he protested.
“Who?” asked Moe.
“You!” replied Larry.
“You’re both nuts!” called Moe. X then blew on Moe’s shoulder again. He then grabbed X’s shoulder and realized something. “H-hey, C-C-Curly,” he stammered, “ha-ha-have y-y-you got a l-l-leather coat on?!”
“No,” replied Curly as he looked behind him. He then saw X and put on a terrified face. “But, HE does!” All the Stooges screamed as X drew a sword.
“NOW!” he shouted. “I’M GONNA CUT YOU ALL INTO LITTLE PIECES!” He charged at me and swung the sword. I used a pipe to block it. “YOU INTERRUPTED MY PLANS! YOU KILLED MY CREW! YOU CRASHED MY SHIP! I’M GONNA CUT YOUR HEAD OFF!” I rolled out of the way and instinctively went for my i.d tag, then paused.
“No,” I remarked. “It’s gonna take a monster to bring down a monster like X.”
“Then, stand aside!” said Godzilla. He performed his drop kick and toppled X. X got really mad and started punching repeatedly. Godzilla got away from the man, readjusting his jaw. “Xiliens are similar to humans,” mused Godzilla to X. “The average man can’t make a dent in me, so how did you dislocate my jaw?”
“How is he talking normally?” asked Lacey.
“If he IS similar to humans,” continued Batman, “Godzilla should be slurred after a jaw dislocation.”
“He has something called RG-1 cells,” I explained, “or Regenerator G-1 cells.”
“Judging by the name alone,” guessed Batman, “he can repair damaged tissue at an accelerated rate.”
“Exactly,” I confirmed. “Although, in Japan, we call them Organizer G-1 cells.”
“On the topic of biology,” remarked Godzilla, “on the rare occasion I’m allowed to hit a guy, they crumple in a heap after two punches. How are you still standing?”
“You assume me to be the average Xilien,” hissed X. He went Keizer again and decked Godzilla. Soon, it went into a full-blown brawl. Just then, X’s watch beeped and spat an object out to Heather. She grabbed it and grinned.
“That’s all five!” she laughed.
“What?!” I yelped.
“I finally have the four Apocalypse Dial parts and the belt!” replied Heather. “Apocalypse’s power is mine!” She then got out of my grip and fled through a portal.
“NO!” I screamed, the implications hitting me. If she got all four Dial parts and the belt, I think I can safely say the others failed as well. “DAMNATION!” I shouted.
“Easy, kitty,” assured 70-year-old me.
“EASY?!” I roared, pointing a hairy finger at her. I was turning back into Tora-Onna. “THAT MONSTER JUST TOOK OFF WITH A MEANS TO GET LACEY’S POWER AND YOU’RE TELLING ME TO TAKE IT EASY?!”
“Because it will work out in the long run,” assured 70-year-old me. “Lacey’s DNA is the default.”
“How does that…that…that…that may have been Heather’s biggest mistake yet!” I realized.
“I don’t follow,” remarked Lacey.
“Your DNA is locked into the Apocalypse Driver’s systems,” I clarified. “With a ghost in possession of its power, the device will think it’s you and make your body!”
“That’s right, the Reconstitution Function!” recalled Lacey. “In the event my body gets destroyed!”
“So, Heather’s going to look like Lacey?” asked Batman.
“More like a damaged clone of me,” replied Lacey.
“I guess that’s the reason why my future came to help,” I mused.
“What future?!” roared X as he tossed Godzilla. Godzilla soon steadied himself and got into a fighting stance. “At the moment,” growled X, “I’d say it’s unknown! Like an X-Factor!” Godzilla seemed to be hit with some idea.
“X-Factor,” he muttered. “Unknown…no…no, it can’t be!” X then took off his watch.
“Genetic dampener offline,” reported the watch before X stomped on it. His shoulders then bulked up, his eyes went red, and a tail came out. I then realized what got Godzilla so spooked.
“Monster X!” I realized. X turned towards us with an evil grin. “But…but Godzilla fried you!”
“A bit of me survived and the Xiliens reforged me,” explained X. “I was then placed in cold storage after Controller 0-1-2 was selected! She didn’t find my desire to return here and squash you agreeable, since she found an “innovative and creative” solution to her people’s problem. I was kept locked up the entire time! After breaking out, I took a genetic dampener and hid myself among the Xiliens. Over time, I gathered people to my cause, people dissatisfied with the current condition and wanted to invade Earth. I got us a ship and, well, the rest is history.”
“Yeah, you hired three humans to fix your Youfoe!” replied Larry.
“Youfoe is something that you say to your enemy,” corrected Moe. “THAT was a SAUCER we crashed!”
“Saucer?” asked Curly. “That’s something you put a teacup on!” That prompted a slap from Moe.
“Did you just identify yourselves as humans?!” asked X.
“Yeah, that was your first mistake, believing us!” taunted Moe.
“Guys,” gulped Godzilla, “you REALLY want to stop!”
“What’s the matter with you?” asked Lacey.
“That thing nearly killed me at the end of the Millennium Wars!” replied Godzilla, referring to the events of Godzilla: Final Wars.
“And now, we’re right where I need to be,” growled X. “After a little growth spurt, SpaceGodzilla, Gigan, and I will conquer this world and make a new one where humans are nonexistent! A dead rock orbiting an unfeeling sun!”
“That wasn’t our deal!” shouted a voice. We turned to see SpaceGodzilla and Gigan coming out. Gigan had his hooks ready. “I’m supposed to rule this planet,” snarled SpaceGodzilla, “a LIVING planet! NOT A LIFELESS HUSK!”
“Your desires are irrelevant,” dismissed X. “If you will not take this chance, then you and Gigan will have served your purpose. Find another world to rule.” SpaceGodzilla charged at X who back-handed him, then used some sort of remote to bathe himself, SpaceGodzilla, and Gigan in some sort of light. That light…was not good. The Kaiju-men grew, and morphed, and changed, until they were back in their monster forms. Gigan took the appearance he had in Final Wars. Monster X was about to level a building when he got a tail smack from SpaceGodzilla. Gigan then fired his cables and wrapped them around Monster X. He then activated the Buzzsaw and pulled Monster X towards him. The damage was awful.
“I just received word,” reported Kiryu. “We’re to utilize our Kaiju-Riser.”
“Your what?” I asked.
“In the event any evil monster regains their original form,” explained Biollante, “a Kaiju-Riser is to be used to return any good monster to THEIR original form and combat the threat.”
“In other words,” said Godzilla as a primal grin crossed his face, “it’s back to basics!” His grin faded. “Unless the U.N. has something against ME getting into the fight!”
“Are you kidding?” asked Kiryu. “The Japanese delegation wouldn’t go through with the Kaiju-Riser in this instance unless YOU were the one to permanently put Gigan and SpaceGodzilla down.”
“You mean…turn them into ash?!” said Godzilla happily.
“I have their death warrants right here,” replied Kiryu as he tapped his brain. We then heard jets. We looked up to see a pair of fighter jets carrying Kiryu’s big Godzilla-like body. One of the jets then bathed the area in light.
“This is it!” cheered Godzilla as the changes started coming. His mouth and nose became a large snout. His skin was replaced by charcoal grey scales. His eyes moved outwards a little. His pinkies sunk in. His legs became more trunk-like as his mass shifted down a little. He grew up to his full height of 150 meters. Mothra’s head tilted up as it morphed into her monster head. Her arms shrunk in and her legs made up her abdomen. Her insect legs came out and she grew to her full length of 72 meters. Biollante’s arms separated into vines with Venus fly-trap mouths. Her human skin was replaced by layers of green plant matter as her rose wilted. Her mouth extended to crocodile lengths and was filled with teeth! She grew upwards to her height of 120 meters. Zilla hunched over as his lower jaw got bigger and his upper jaw extended. He became covered in charcoal grey scales as his pinkies shrunk in and he became more T-Rex like. He was the runt at a height of 55 meters. King Ghidorah’s arms went over his head as the hands became dragon heads. His middle neck stretched upwards and his head became a dragon one. His legs became trunk-like as he was covered in gold scales and grew to become Godzilla’s height.
“Success!” I called. I shook hands with the Stooges, Lacey, Batman, Godzilla, and…wait a minute. Who did I shake hands with last? I turned to Godzilla and…oh no. Godzilla and I were literally seeing eye to eye! I heard everyone gasp in surprise! We were Kaiju sized!
“I will admit,” muttered 70-year-old me, “I forgot this bit.”
“And we’re complaining…why?” asked Lacey. I opened my mouth, then shut it as I realized there was no reason to complain.
“Quick question,” I asked 70-year-old me, “do I need to use Tora-Onna?”
“Nah,” replied 70-year-old me. “The belts are repaired. You can use your Rider mode.” Godzilla gave a confused grunt.
“You’ll see,” I assured. 70-year-old me and I got our i.d tags out and Lacey got her hand on the dial. I then noticed 70-year-old me had a blue ring around the tag reader in the center of her belt. It looked almost the ring of the Gateway on Vorton, but with eight Keystones instead of five. “Nice belt,” I commented.
“Oh, this old thing?” asked 70-year-old me. “It’s just something you’ll pick up after…never mind, I said too much.”
“All right, then,” I declared. “Henshin!”
“Henshin!” announced Lacey.
“Henshin!” called 70-year-old me. We all then went into our Rider forms.
“What the?!” yelped Moe. Larry jumped into Curly’s arms. The Kaiju made confused noises as well as surprised ones.
“Never mind that,” I replied. Kiryu’s big body’s eyes then started glowing yellow. “Are we all ready?” I asked. Everyone gave confirmation noises. “Then, Godzilla-san, lead the way!” Godzilla stamped his foot and gave a challenge roar. Monster X, Gigan, and SpaceGodzilla heard and gave of roars of defiance. That was the cue as we charged towards the evil Kaiju. They charged at us as well and we met in the middle. SpaceGodzilla quickly made a crystal fortress. The Stooges jumped the crystals and started whacking SpaceGodzilla. Curly managed to smack his snout down. SpaceGodzilla threw the Stooges off of him and he levitated Curly. Curly was calling for help, even when he was placed in a ring of crystals.
“HEY MOE! HEY LARRY!” cried Curly. “I’M SURROUNDED! GET ME OUT!” His hands went through the spaces the crystals made.
“Hold on, kid!” called Moe. “We’ll have you out!” They grabbed his hands. “Ready! Pull! Heave!”
“Ho!” shouted Larry as they pulled.
“Heave!” commanded Moe.
“Ho!” replied Larry as they pulled again.
“Just a second!” called 70-year-old me. “I got this.” She drew out a gold i.d tag! She then swapped i.d tags.
“Harry Potter Steel!” announced her belt in its original voice. The wardrobe closed, then faded to reveal her in armor based off of Harry Potter in his school uniform!
“You visited Harry’s world?!” I breathed.
“Toured Hogwarts!” cheered 70-year-old me.
“Cool!” I called. 70-year-old me drew her sword and pointed it at Curly.
“Take it easy now!” he yelped, fearing the worst.
“Wingardium Leviosa!” chanted 70-year-old me as she swished her sword, then flicked it. She then raised Curly out of the crystal prison. Curly yelped as he came out. His friends then brushed him off.
“Easy kid! Easy!” assured Moe. SpaceGodzilla roared in frustration. He then readied his deadly Corona Beam but was interrupted by Zilla popping out of the ground and sucker-punching him. A light then traveled up Zilla’s spines as he fired green flames from his mouth. It annoyed SpaceGodzilla but didn’t hurt him.
“The shoulders!” I shouted. “Smash the shoulder crystals!” Zilla nodded and started smashing his hands on them. They were cracking, but at a slow rate. The Stooges joined in and accelerated the cracking. Soon, they shattered! SpaceGodzilla roared in pain, then focused his rage on Zilla. Zilla quickly dug a hole and disappeared under the streets. SpaceGodzilla looked around and Biollante took her chance. She fired her corrosive sap and burned him. SpaceGodzilla turned and roared at her, but Biollante gave a roar of defiance. SpaceGodzilla charged but was ensnared by her vines and tossed onto a crystal, impaling him. He gave a dying roar, became light particles, and reassembled in his Kaiju-man form, but with a hole in his chest. SpaceGodzilla was dead. Zilla popped up and joined Biollante in a victory roar.
“Don’t celebrate just yet,” I replied as Gigan took a swipe at me. I ducked but was hit by his laser vision. Randy then leapt onto Gigan’s shoulders and slammed his fist on his head. He then started shaking his hand in pain as Gigan tossed him off. Mothra then grabbed him and flew through the air with him in her grasp. She was gonna throw him into a building, but Gigan took control of the flight pattern and went upwards. He then cut his means of propulsion and put his back to the ground. Mothra was going to be crushed! King Ghidorah helped her out by having his left head chomp on Gigan’s tail. Mothra let go of Gigan as he was thrown to the ground. King Ghidorah was about to fire his gravity bolts when cables wrapped around the left and right neck. Gigan got up and started pulling King Ghidorah towards him, the buzz saw on his front spinning. Gigan has been known as a sadist and a lunatic. If he had human features right now, a wicked grin would be crossing his face. I stepped in and severed the cables with my blade. “Ghidorah! Duck!” I called. King Ghidorah ducked his heads down. “Dai Super Charge!” I announced. As the armor flew, some hit Monster X on the head. The rest hit the Stooges.
“Hey!” snapped Moe. “Why don’t you call your shots?!” Gigan then fired new cables at me, but I grabbed them and started spinning. I spun so fast, Gigan was taken into the air. He was screeching at me.
“What’s that?” I called. “Let go? Okay!” I released the cables and Gigan flew into one of the crystal towers. It crumbled and landed on him, crushing him. He turned into light particles and reassembled into his smaller form, next to SpaceGodzilla’s corpse. Gigan had fallen. “That’s two,” I counted. “Let’s help Godzilla!” Godzilla, Batman, Kiryu, and Apocalypse were all on top of Monster X. He wasn’t taking it well, so we swarmed him. He was a match for us and threw us all off. Batman fired his grapple gun around his legs. Monster X then fell onto his hands. “That was a mistake,” I gulped.
“When is it a mistake to topple a monster?” asked Batman.
“When getting on his hands allows him to turn into a quadrupedal, three headed, winged monster!” answered Apocalypse. Monster X’s arms then turned into trunk-like feet as wings sprouted from his back. The neck elongated as the head became dragon like. Two more heads grew from the shoulders as the wings spread. Monster X had just become Keizer Ghidorah! He fired gravity beams as Godzilla fired his atomic breath. Godzilla’s beam was overpowered as he was blown back. Keizer Ghidorah ran forward and bit down on Godzilla. He was draining him again!
“GET OFF OF HIM!” I roared as I leapt onto Keizer Ghidorah. He flung me off and then flung the drained Godzilla onto me. At that point, everyone shrunk down. We were human-sized again and Keizer Ghidorah was mocking us.
“Look at you all,” he taunted in our heads. “Pathetic ants beneath my feet. Not even the clone and our cyborg could defeat me. It took a maser cannon to charge you, Godzilla. Now, there is none. You have nothing to help you.”
“Not…true!” grunted Godzilla. It was then that I saw orange markings on him. I then remembered his predecessor doing something like this, but not by choice.
“Godzilla, this is all involuntary, right?!” I gulped.
“Oh no, unlike my predecessor,” replied Godzilla. “I purposely put myself in my Burning State.”
“But, that will put you into meltdown!” I cried. “And there aren’t any freezer cannons around to stop you from destroying this place!”
“I have an idea,” assured Godzilla. “Trust me. If the forecast is right…” a crack of thunder interrupted him. “…And it is.” The rain then came down. It was followed by flashes of lightning. “Step back,” advised Godzilla. I did so and lightning struck his spines repeatedly.
“Lightning never strikes him unless…” I then realized his plan. “He’s not turning himself into an atom bomb, he’s turning himself into an EMP blaster!” I said. His spines went white and the orange markings died down. He aimed at Keizer Ghidorah and fired! The electricity and radiation ravaged Keizer Ghidorah as he shrunk down into his Kaiju-man form. It looked similar to King Ghidorah.
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” he roared.
“I combined the lightning I attracted and stored with a heart I was putting into meltdown,” answered Godzilla. “I then channeled it like my Spiral Red Atomic Blast. That got me safely out of my Burning State and cooled me off.”
“But, with the resulting radiation…!” cried Keizer Ghidorah.
“You’re now locked in your Kaiju-man form,” responded Kiryu as his humanoid robot body jumped down from his giant one. “Clever move, I need to utilize it.”
“You stupid lizard! I’LL KILL YOU!” roared Keizer Ghidorah. Godzilla gave a grunt as Keizer Ghidorah charged at him. They locked hands and tried to overpower each other.
“Hold on!” cried a voice. Godzilla and Keizer Ghidorah were tossed aside by my 200-year-old self! “You whipper-snappers can’t do anything right, can you?!” she snapped.
“Whipper-snappers?” I protested.
“I always wanted to say that,” sighed 200-year-old me. “Hey, X! I brought someone with me.” She moved aside to reveal a woman in Xilien clothes. Keizer Ghidorah’s eyes went wide.
“No! You didn’t!” he yelped.
“Who’s she?” asked Godzilla.
“Karna!” replied X.
“You bet; it is!” hissed the Xilien woman. “Karna, Controller 0-1-2 of Planet X. I’ve heard about the whole situation from Queen Megumi’s future. It seemed too outlandish, but now that I see the destruction that was wrought, I see otherwise. Godzilla, making an EMP blast like that would have ruptured your heart!”
“Listen, lady,” snarled Godzilla, “I was trying to…”
“Save it,” interrupted Karna. “I know. The genetic jigsaw puzzle here was sore about losing to you after our previous invasion! X, I warned you that an invasion was ill-advised. You ignored me!”
“I will NOT live knowing that a planet and monster that was behind my downfall still exists!” roared Keizer Ghidorah. “If I cannot destroy Godzilla, I will destroy this insignificant rock!”
“I told you, revenge is destructive all around!” shouted Karna. “You could have destabilized the peace we Xiliens finally achieved!”
“Wait, are you just doing this for political gain?” I asked.
“If you wish to paint that kind of selfish picture, then yes,” replied Karna. “We finally terraformed our planet to look similar to yours and now no longer need to scavenge other worlds for resources. Nor do we need to rely on computers to run our lives. This nitwit here hated the fact that our world looked like Earth as it reminded him of his defeat here. So, he gathered other Xiliens that hated the current lifestyle we hold dear and took a ship to settle scores with Godzilla.”
“His existence is unbearable!” wailed Keizer Ghidorah.
“I hear THAT from select humans,” muttered Godzilla.
“Monster X,” declared Karna, “through your act of rebellion, you have proven yourself to be a failure in the cosmos.” She then whipped out a gun and fired a laser at him. His monstrous parts shrunk into his flesh and he was returned to his Xilien form. “You shall remain here, on this world, in a weaker form.”
“No! You can’t!” cried X.
“Godzilla, he’s yours to deal with,” declared Karna.
“Oh, I have something special in mind!” snarled Godzilla. X backed away, scared. Godzilla strode forward, raised his hand…and slapped handcuffs on X! “X, you’re under arrest for assault on humans and unauthorized reversion to your monster form!” declared Godzilla. X was trembling in fury.
“I HATE YOU!” roared X as the G.D.F took him away.
“That was…surprisingly mature of you,” I remarked.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” replied Godzilla. “I only did it because killing a human or Xilien is no challenge.”
“Sure, put on the tough guy act,” I countered. The rain had finally died. “Typical,” I sighed. “We save the day and the weather clears up.” Godzilla turned to the sun and let out a roar of victory.
“Well, we didn’t complete our original objective,” observed Batman. “Let’s get back to Vorton.”
“Good idea,” I agreed. “X-PO, we need a rift home.”
“You’re about to see a gloomy sight,” replied X-PO. A portal opened for us.
“You coming?” I asked Godzilla.
“Unfortunately,” rumbled Godzilla, “I must decline. The human I imprinted on, Gojo Azusa, is expecting me after the fight. I can’t forget my mother.”
“Anyone else?” I asked the other Kaiju-men.
“Biollante and I have had too many dates called off,” replied Zilla.
“We’re having one tonight!” declared Biollante.
“I just recently laid my eggs,” answered Mothra.
“I’m still needed in the Kaiju-men Police Force,” replied King Ghidorah.
“And I need an overhaul for both of my bodies,” answered Kiryu.
“Hey, Kiryu,” called a fighter pilot. “As long as you’re smart again, I have a question. With the old Kaiju-Riser, I could make only the Kaiju-men grow, practically every time! If you’re such a genius…!”
“I AM a genius,” snarled Kiryu, “but, I expected more control from your fat fingers!” The pilot looked at his hands.
“They’re proportional to me,” he replied.
“Well, I got the data from your plane’s black box,” snapped Kiryu. “Quit jabbing the controls so hard! The impact sets the Riser function to all organics in the radius of the beam!”
“…Oops,” muttered the pilot. “Sorry.”
“So THAT’S why Godzilla and I could see eye to eye!” I realized. “Well, that was a narrow escape, but I have to take the Stooges back home.”
“Hey, maybe you can tell us about these candies!” called Curly. He had a bag full of something. He fished an object out and was about to eat it! It was a purple stud!
“GIMME THAT!” I snapped as I swiped the bag and stud.
“Don’t be greedy!” called Curly. “There’s plenty for everybody!”
“You twit, you were about to eat money!” I snarled.
“Money?!” yelped Moe.
“Yeah, these are studs, our main currency,” I answered. “Vortoranii, how much is in here?”
“429,000,” counted Vortoranii.
“Putting our new total at…” I started doing some math, “…3,401,000 studs.”
“And, at the least value, a 10 value stud is the equivalent of $500,” replied Vortoranii. “So, at the moment, we have $170,050,000.”
“Wait, we’re millionaires?!” I yelped.
“Yeah, and they can be converted to your universe’s cash,” answered Vortoranii. “Any form of cash, Yen, Euro, Australian Dollar, U.S. dollar, you name it.”
“You imbecile!” snapped Moe to Curly. “You were about to eat money!” He was about to poke Curly’s eyes, but Curly put his hand between his eyes. Moe then slapped Curly, resulting in Curly holding that area, then Moe poked his eyes.
“Hey, let him alone!” protested Larry.
“What are you butting in for?!” snarled Moe. He then smacked Larry’s forehead, the force knocking him into the portal. “HEY, WAIT!” called Moe as he went after Larry. Curly was trying to hit on Mothra. Moe came up behind him. “Grab your ear,” he commanded. Curly did so and Moe yanked on Curly’s arm, dragging him into the portal and following him shortly.
“…Sorry,” I said to Mothra. “Those nitwits hit on any pretty girl.”
“Even if they’re spoken for?” asked Mothra. She showed a ring on her finger. “Like myself, Mrs. Anguirus?”
“Anguirus?!” I yelped. “You married him?!”
“Sure did,” replied Mothra. “He’s living on Infant Island with me.”
“Well, congratulations!” I cheered. “How is…?”
“HEY!” called 70-year-old me. “Everybody else already left! Hurry up!” She was right!
“Oh, crap! Gotta go!” I answered. “I hope we meet again, Godzilla! Maybe we can spar! Sayonara!” I then followed 70-year-old me and the portal shut while Godzilla gave a farewell roar.