A song floated through the TARDIS halls from a shower in the bedroom Amy was using. “Sweet, you’re so sweet, yeah!
Sweet sweet, you’re so sweet!
Sweet sweet, you’re so sweet!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!” Once the song finished, Amy shut off the water, dried off, then got dressed and put on her makeup. With all that done, she headed over to the dining room for breakfast. She looked around, then sighed. “Is she STILL tinkering?” she asked the TARDIS while she keyed in what she wanted from the food synthesizer. The TARDIS warbled a confirmation of the Doctor’s whereabouts as it made Amy’s breakfast appear. “Look, you two like each other, but do you ever just…go off without the Doctor?” The TARDIS didn’t reply, but the humming indicated it was actually considering it. “Who knows? You might find some point in space-time the Doctor’s never been to.” Before the TARDIS could reply, the sound of sparking and a certain Time Lord cursing in her native Gallifreyan filled the air. “Speaking of!” Amy quickly finished her breakfast and headed to the Console Room, the one she was used to instead of the bog-standard one Professor Paradox was in. There was smoke coming from the base of the console. “Doctor?!” called Amy.
“Down here!” coughed the Doctor. She came up the steps and emptied the contents of a fire extinguisher onto the smoking area. Whatever fire was there was put out.
“Doctor, what were you doing?!” protested Amy.
“Trying to see if I could fix navigation again,” replied the Doctor. “After that business with the Sontarans, I figured we’d go to Samur after it was repopulated and declared neutral territory.”
“There’s a bit to unpack there,” remarked Amy.
“Samur is a refuge from the Sontaran/Rutan war in the Madillon Cluster,” explained the Doctor. “The Citadel of Samur stretches the length of the planet along the equator and, post-repopulation, maintains a symbiosis between the buildings and those who dwell within them.”
“And why is it repopulated? What happened to the original population?”
“The Sontarans happened. They encountered a gestalt entity known as the Witch Guard that could split itself into seven bodies and combine them into one. They destroyed them and Samur by unleashing a biological agent labeled Z/002 that created a purple moss with roots that sucked things dry on the molecular level, even the Samurians. After an adventure of mine involving the Sontarans and surviving Witch Guard, the moss receded and Samur was repopulated.”
“And Samur’s now Sontaran-free?” asked Amy incredulously.
“Sontaran AND Rutan-free,” promised the Doctor. The TARDIS made its usual arrival noises. “Aha! We’ve landed! Oh, Amy, one last thing, shoes, boots, slippers, and footwear of all kinds are strictly forbidden within the precincts of the Citadel.” The Doctor took off her own shoes and socks.
“Ooh, Mobians love going barefoot when they can!” said Amy as she took off her shoes. The two left their shoes by the door and the Doctor stepped out…
“OUCH!” she said.
“Doctor?!” yelped Amy.
“I’m fine, I just stepped on a sharp stick,” assured the Doctor. She looked around…to find she missed the mark as usual. “…Ah.”
“This isn’t Samur, is it?” asked Amy.
“No, decidedly not,” sighed the Doctor. She picked up the stick she stepped on and licked it. “…Mid-Summer, 2025, one of America’s forested areas, one that hasn’t been touched by humans yet.”
“America? Are we near William’s home?”
“Cosmically, yes, but we’re hardly within walking distance.” The Doctor pondered. “…Though, given the atmosphere, maybe we can relax here.”
“It DOES have a peaceful air around here,” remarked Amy. “But I’m putting my shoes back on.”
“Really?” asked the Doctor.
“If I’m gonna relax in the great outdoors, no way am I doing it in bare feet. I don’t wanna step on a sharp stick.”
“Fair enough.” The two put their shoes back on…then Amy’s ear twitched.
“…Doctor, is that some Time Lord breathing exercise?” she asked.
“That’s not me,” replied the Doctor. “That’s…a saw?” She looked around, then saw, on the floor, a handsaw blade coming up from below the TARDIS and making a circle.
“What the-?! How-?!” spluttered Amy when she saw the saw. A long, gray-furred arm with a white-gloved hand pushed the sawed-out circle from below, then the owner of the arm pulled himself out of the hole. It was a male, gray-furred humanoid rabbit with white gloves on his hands and long ears pointing up. The rabbit pulled a carrot out of his pocket and munched on it a bit.
“Eh, what’s up, Doc?” he asked.
“…You’re about one syllable off from guessing my name, Mister…” replied the Doctor.
“Bugs, Bugs Bunny,” introduced the rabbit. The Doctor’s eyes went wide.
“Bugs Bunny himself?!” she asked. “Oh, this is just brilliant! Amy, Bugs Bunny and his animal friends and rivals are considered the Early Mobians!”
“…That’s Cream’s ancestor?” asked Amy.
“Pardon me, Doc-,” said Bugs.
“Actually, it’s Doctor,” corrected the Doctor. “And this is my friend, Amy Rose.”
“Hello,” said Amy.
“Charmed, I’m sure,” replied Bugs. “But, listen, you parked yourself on top of my home and-.”
“Oh, good heavens! Is my TARDIS blocking your hole? No wonder you had to saw through! Hang on one moment!” The Doctor fiddled with the console. “I’ve adjusted the relative gravity. We’ll just pick it up and move it. I do apologize.”
“Hey, no worries, Doc!” assured Bugs, relieved that this lady was a lot more polite than most land developers or hunters. Everyone stepped out of the TARDIS and Bugs blinked. “Hang on!” he said.
“Oh, don’t you start,” replied the Doctor. “You lot can pull holes out of your pockets and survive a deadly explosion.” She managed to dig her fingers under the TARDIS. Bugs went to the other side and did the same, then they both lifted the TARDIS up. “All right, I think we should go to the left,” suggested the Doctor.
“Right!” agreed Bugs. They both then moved to their left…though Bugs’ left was the Doctor’s right. They ended up circling.
“Wait a minute! Wait a minute!” protested the Doctor.
“You said left, right?!” argued Bugs.
“And I was going left!”
“No, you’re going right!”
“That’s my left! You’re the one going right!”
“Watch yourself! You’re gonna trip on the hole!”
“You’re the one with the big feet here! This way! THIS WAY!”
“LOOK OUT!” warned Amy. She rolled out of the way as Bugs and the Doctor lost their grip on the TARDIS and it toppled onto its side. Bugs looked at where the TARDIS sat and smiled.
“Well, on the plus side, my front door’s open,” he said.
“Yes, but now MY home has a problem!” muttered the Doctor.
“All right, all right, we can fix this,” soothed Bugs. “Let’s see…Doc, does your home usually float like that?” The TARDIS was rising above the ground.
“I didn’t think I adjusted the relative gravity THAT much!” remarked the Doctor.
“Um, Doctor!” yelped Amy. The Doctor and Bugs looked to see Amy floating up while holding her dress down!
“Okay, that’s a tractor beam!” realized the Doctor. In line with her point, she and Bugs then started floating! They all looked up to see a silver saucer pulling them and the TARDIS inside. “A Martian Drone Saucer!” whispered the Doctor.
“The Ice Warriors or the Aresians?” asked Amy.
“No, no, this is one belonging to a third species of Mars,” explained the Doctor. “He’s a more polite member of Bugs’ rogues gallery.”
“Marvin?” asked Bugs. “You mean this is one of Marvin’s saucers?”
“Yes, though why he’s using a drone ship is beyond me.”
“I think we’re about to find out!” said Amy as everyone was pulled into the ship. The tractor beam switched off once the hatch closed beneath them and they all landed on their bums. At that moment, a hologram of a person appeared. The person was about Amy’s height, had a black ball for a head, wore a red shirt, a Roman Centurion’s helmet and armored skirt, sneakers, and gloves. There were only eyes on the head, no mouth or nose to speak of.
“Welcome, Earth Creatures,” greeted the person somehow. “I am Marvin, Commander X-2 of Mars. You have been selected to work the mines of the volcano your primitive Earth scientists called Olympus Mons. Unfortunately, the Earth will be gone soon. You see, I’m going to finally unleash my new Illudium Q-39 Explosive Space Modulator.”
“It’s just a stick of dynamite,” muttered Bugs.
“This hologram has two-way communications enabled, Rabbit!” snarled Marvin. “It’s not just a stick of your primitive Earth dynamite!” He then calmed down. “In any event, I direct your attention to the ‘Explosive’ part of the name of my new weapon. You see, I’m going to blow the Earth up. It obstructs my view of Venus.”
“Destruction of a civilized world for anything other than last resort,” warned the Doctor, “is against Convention C of the Shadow Proclamation.” Marvin blinked in surprise.
“…You’re an Earth Creature,” he said. “What do Earth Creatures know of the Shadow Proclamation? Your world is a class C civilization; undeveloped!”
“I’m not from Earth. I’m from Gallifrey,” replied the Doctor. “And Miss Rose here is from an Earth Colony that lasted long after its death five billion years from now.”
“A Time Lord? Then the blue box is your TARDIS?” asked Marvin. “Oh peachy! I’ve always wanted to study a Time Lord and see if their ability to regenerate is true!”
“…That’s a bit morbid!” shuddered Bugs.