“A Time Lord and her compatriots have proven to be more of a nuisance than I anticipated,” reported Marvin. “But this particular Time Lord has a preference to Earth, so I’m having the Illudium Q-39 Explosive Space Modulator retrieved so she can watch her beloved Earth be destroyed as a result of her interference.”
“No, the Q-39 doesn’t have the right explosive yield for that kind of punishment,” dismissed Tyr’ahnee. “Have our production lines construct the Illudium Q-41 Explosive Space Modulator immediately.” Marvin and the Instant Martians gasped in horror.
“Y-Your Majesty!” stammered Marvin. “We’d have to install the core of a hyperdrive engine to engage the command deck’s centrifugal functions! The formula for the Q-41 isn’t stable! The forces unleashed could-!”
“Commander X-2, have you finally become the Earth Creature known as a chicken?” asked Tyr’ahnee coldly. Marvin twiddled his thumbs a bit, then grabbed a communicator.
“…P-PREPARE PRODUC…!” He then took a breath after his voice cracked in terror. “…Prepare Production Lines for construction of the Illudium Q-41 Explosive Space Modulator! Fasten all seat restraints! Seal all doors! Close all shops in the mall! Cancel all movies! Secure all personal belongings! Make sure-!”
“Give me that, you pathetic excuse for a commander!” Tyr’ahnee grabbed the comms unit and spoke into it. “Production Lines, report status on hyperdrive engine core!”
“Engine core installed, Your Majesty!” replied the person on the other end.
“Good! All hands, begin-!”
“Your Majesty,” begged Marvin as he buckled himself into his seat, “you may want to strap in!”
“Ah, strap this!” dismissed Tyr’ahnee. She resumed addressing the complex. “All hands, begin production of the Illudium Q-41 Explosive Space Modulator!” The control room part of the complex then extended and spun like a machine that simulates g-forces! Tyr’ahnee found herself being lifted off the floor and grabbed a nearby control console. “WHAT HAVE I DONE?!” she cried over the roar. “MY BRAINS…ARE GOING INTO MY FEET!” A warning light then flashed.
Over in another part of the complex, Amy reunited with the Doctor. “Doctor!” she said. “Thank goodness! Where’s Bugs?!”
“Over in there, I presume,” replied the Doctor as she pointed out the control room still acting as a centrifuge. “The rotational speed is being fed into a hyperdrive core to make the currently unstable Illudium Q-41 Explosive Space Modulator. Once it blows, then the Ice Warriors will attack.”
“…Is Bugs gonna be okay?” asked Amy, worried.
“He’s gone through worse, oddly enough,” answered the Doctor. Just then, an explosion erupted from part of the complex. “That’s the signal!”
“THE PRODUCTION LINES BLEW UP!” called an Instant Martian.
“WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!” shouted Tyr’ahnee. “STOP THE RIDE! I WANNA GET OFF!”
“WE CAN’T STOP!” replied Marvin. “IT’S TOO DANGEROUS! WE HAVE TO SLOW DOWN!”
“HORSE HOCKEY!” ordered Tyr’ahnee. “STOP THIS THING! I ORDER YOU! STOOOOOOOOOOPPPP!!!” Marvin couldn’t bring himself to disobey his Queen, so he reached for the emergency stop lever and pulled it. The control room suddenly stopped spinning and Tyr’ahnee flew forward into a control bank! A pair of Instant Martians then helped her up.
“Your Majesty! Are you okay?!” called Marvin as he unbuckled and went to help her.
“…Fine,” mumbled Tyr’ahnee. “How are you?”
“Doing fine, given the circumstances,” replied Marvin. He then saw something on the floor. “Oh! Your hair!” he said as he picked it up.
“Oh, my personality,” said Tyr’ahnee. “Thanks.” Marvin then realized something. …Tyr’ahnee’s hair wasn’t a wig. So… He looked up at Tyr’ahnee…and saw rabbit ears on the top of her head. His eyes became filled with fury. “Tyr’ahnee” noticed this, then realized her…or rather HIS disguise had worn off! It was Bugs Bunny in drag! “…Uh…new Earth fashion?” he tried.
“Oh, that’s not nice!” seethed Marvin as his breathing speed increased. “Impersonating my Queen and sabotaging the production lines makes me angry, Rabbit! Very angry indeed!” As Marvin pulled out a pistol, something knocked on the door.
“Who’s out there?!” demanded an Instant Martian. His question was answered as Taxona, Skaldak, and their armed and very angry Ice Warrior compatriots stormed the command deck and fired their sonic blasters.
“YIPE!” yelped Bugs as he dodged the Ice Warriors’ weapons fire and fled, leaving his disguise behind.
Bugs reunited with the Doctor and Amy. “Doc! Amy!” he called.
“Bugs! How goes the battle?!” asked the Doctor.
“Skaldak and Taxona swarmed the command deck,” replied Bugs, “but now we gotta know if the Ice Warriors win or lose! I can’t just leave them to Marvin!”
“Erm, Bugs, I think we have bigger things to worry about!” replied Amy as she pointed behind Bugs. He then heard breathing and felt air on his tail. He looked behind to see Gossamer ready to charge like a crazed bull.
“Stop steaming up my tail!” snapped Bugs as he smacked Gossamer. “What are you trying to do, wrinkle it?!” Gossamer then gave Bugs a swift kick in the rear! Bugs went tumbling forward, then stopped when he hit a wall.
“BUGS!” yelped the Doctor. She then turned to Gossamer. “I think you need to get the hair out of your eyes!” she said to the monster as she rifled through her pockets. “Let’s see, yo-yo, psychic paper, aha! Acme Clippers!” She pulled out a pair of electric hair clippers and switched them on. Gossamer spluttered in fear.
“CLIPPERS!” he cried before running from the Doctor.
“Come back here, you big baby!” protested the Doctor. “A haircut never hurt anyone!” A baseball bat then hit Gossamer in the face!
“Of course, you realize, Gossamer,” said Bugs as he stepped out of the shadows, holding the bat, “this means war!” That was when the Doctor’s clippers got to work on Gossamer. All that was left was Gossamer’s eyes and sneakers.
“…Good heavens, he really IS all hair!” said the Doctor. She then noticed that the roar of battle had dimmed significantly. “
“…Is that good or bad?” asked Amy.
“Come on!” called the Doctor as she ran to the command deck. Amy and Bugs joined her while Gossamer’s eyes took control of the sneakers and headed off somewhere to reconstruct his hairy body.
The Doctor and her team burst into the command deck. “Skaldak! Taxona!” called the Doctor.
“We’re here,” replied Taxona. The Doctor gasped as she saw Taxona kneeling next to a gravely wounded Skaldak. The Ice Warrior Hero was still as stone. “…He intercepted a killing shot meant for me,” explained Taxona sadly. “…He saved my life by sacrificing his.”
“…And Marvin?” asked the Doctor.
“Being tended to by our medics,” replied Taxona. “I need him healthy for what I’m about to do to him and his ilk. He’ll only wish I had killed him. He have to experience the embarrassment of reporting his failure to Tyr’ahnee.”
“Then the revolution was a success,” said the Doctor.
“And Skaldak will be honored properly once I’m finished with Marvin.”
A few hours later, the Ice Warriors formed an aisle leading to Marvin’s ship, a golden rocket-style ship called the Martian Maggot. Taxona and her people frog-marched Marvin and the surviving Instant Martians to the ship’s airlock, then blocked any means of escape. “Our two races would have made Mars stronger by working together,” Taxona snarled at Marvin. “You and Tyr’ahnee chose to treat us as cattle. Go. Tell Tyr’ahnee that she and all those that rally to her cause are banished from Mars!” Marvin briefly considered trying to escape, but with so many armed and angry Ice Warriors, there was too great a chance he would be killed in the confusion. He then spotted the Doctor blocking his escape route along with the Ice Warriors.
“Don’t look at me,” said the Doctor. “Your people’s exile is a fixed point in Martian history. It’s on you.” With that, Marvin the Martian just fixed everyone with a glare.
“…Tyr’ahnee won’t take this lying down and neither will I, ‘Your Majesty’!” he hissed at Taxona. “Instant Martians, with me!” The exiled Martians boarded the Martian Maggot and it left the spaceport and Mars entirely.
Taxona led the Doctor back to the TARDIS as Ice Warriors set it down carefully on the floor of the old command deck. “I know that was all you asked of me,” said Taxona, “but I would reward you handsomely for what you’ve done for my people, Doctor, Miss Rose, Mr. Bunny.”
“Trust me, freeing the TARDIS from that debris is more than enough,” assured the Doctor.
“And all I need is a ride back home,” said Bugs.
“Very well. But know this, by the Moons, all of Mars honors thee, Doctor!” pledged Taxona.
“By the Moons, we honor thee, Empress Taxona,” replied the Doctor. She and her friends entered the TARDIS and it dematerialized.
The TARDIS returned to the American Woodlands that was Bugs’ home, a few feet from his hole, even! Bugs stepped out. “Hey! Right back home!” he said. “You girls sure you can’t stay? I make a mean carrot juice!”
“Thank you, Bugs,” replied the Doctor, “but Amy and I need to take a vacation. We’ll see you around, though not necessarily in the same order.”
“All right. So long, Doc!” Bugs descended back into his hole while the TARDIS took off, looking for a nice vacation spot.