“Doctor, the music!” yelped Amy as she and Lurra Rus covered their ears.
“I know! It’s the same as what we heard in the TARDIS!” The Doctor was trying to put up mental barriers.
“A fight, is it?” chuckled Krazy Kalimba. “I’m all too happy to oblige!” He amped up his music and caused greater strain to the Doctor.
“There…is no substance…to this melody!” strained the Doctor. “It’s an illusion! …It does not exist!”
“Listen to this melody, human,” replied Krazy Kalimba. “It is all you need to focus on. Let go of the stresses of free will.”
“I…am not…human!” snarled the Doctor.
“Your psychic abilities are impressive,” mused Krazy Kalimba. “I wonder which human taught you to…wait, what is that citadel?”
“My…my old home!” replied the Doctor. She then sent more images of Gallifrey, the Citadel, the TARDIS, all the images related to her heritage right into Krazy Kalimba’s mind.
“No!” insisted the wicked Tiki. “That…that is not true! …They’re dead! …GALLIFREY IS DEAD!”
“Not these days!” interjected Amy. “Lurra Rus and I helped the Doctor bring the Time Lords back!” Krazy Kalimba then screamed before falling to the ground unconscious.
Krazy Kalimba groaned as his eyes opened. He tried to rub his eyes…only he felt something restraining his arms. He then realized he was bound to a chair! “WH-WHAT IS THIS?!” he demanded.
“I’m asking the questions here!” replied the Doctor. “Why did Tiki Tong come back?”
“Lord Tiki Tong cannot be beaten by a mere moon being punched onto his base!” retorted Krazy Kalimba.
“From what I’ve heard and from what I’ve studied,” said the Doctor, “that should have been enough to reduce you to splinters.”
“Grill me all you want!” insisted Krazy Kalimba. “My wood is strong!”
“You know,” mused Cranky Kong as he stepped out of the shadows, “I COULD use some kindling.”
“HA! What are you gonna do?” laughed the wicked Tiki. “Scold me until I’m reduced to splinters?”
“No, but DK’s gonna punch you to splinters,” replied Cranky Kong. Donkey Kong cracked his knuckles.
“Still immune to your ugly music,” warned the gorilla.
“Y-YOU SICK LITTLE MONKEY!” yelped Krazy Kalimba, remembering his first meeting with Donkey Kong!
“So, unless you want a painful trip down memory lane,” growled Donkey Kong, “answer our questions! How did the Tiki Tak Tribe come back?!”
“IT WASN’T OUR CHOICE!” cried Krazy Kalimba. “WE WEREN’T READY TO RETURN! WE WERE HOPING TO WAIT UNTIL YOU PASSED AWAY!”
“A premature awakening?” asked the Doctor. “Who woke you up?”
“I dunno! Only Tiki Tong got his name! He never told the rest of us!”
“Did you see who did it?” asked Amy.
“Yeah, some fat croc in a red cape and crown and with a crazy eye!”
“Wait a minute, this guy?” asked Donkey Kong as he pulled out an old Smash Tourney dossier of the person.
“Yeah! That’s the one!” Donkey Kong growled at the confirmation.
“So, King K. Rool’s involved!” he snarled.
“Oh brother,” complained Amy. “That ham?”
“Who’s King K. Rool?” asked the Doctor.
“My arch nemesis,” answered Donkey Kong. “He’s got a hatred for…may-mels…people like us.”
“Mammals,” corrected the Doctor. “And this is just the Silurians and Sea Devils all over again!”
“…The what and the what?”
“Never mind that!” snapped Cranky Kong. He turned his attention to Krazy Kalimba. “Why did you try that hypnotizing trick again?!”
“The Croc promised that he’d upgrade our hypnosis powers so you Kongs can fall under our spell!” replied the imprisoned Tiki. “I don’t understand, though! Banjo Bottom got your smaller friend!”
“WHAT?!” shouted Donkey Kong. He grabbed Krazy Kalimba and brought him up close to the gorilla’s snarling face. “YOU BETTER NOT BE TALKING ABOUT DIDDY KONG!”
“Easy!” yelped Amy. “We still need him alive!”
“Where’s Diddy Kong and this…Banjo Bottom character?” asked the Doctor.
“Do answer quickly,” instructed Cranky Kong. “Diddy Kong’s a good friend of my grandson here.” Donkey Kong tightened his grip just a bit to prove Cranky’s point.
“TH-THE MINES!” yelped Krazy Kalimba. “THEY’RE AT THE MINES IN THE CAVE!”
“You’re coming with us!” snarled Donkey Kong. “If we find out you’re lying-!”
“I GET THE POINT, OKAY!” wailed Krazy Kalimba.
“So, which way?” asked the Doctor.
“I have to admit,” muttered the Doctor as she carried Cranky Kong, “I never thought I’d be carrying an elderly gorilla on my back.”
“Ah, quit your complaining, young lady!” replied Cranky. “You need the exercise anyways! You don’t hear Donkey Kong complaining!” He pointed his cane at Donkey Kong as he carried Lurra Rus on his back while Amy had Krazy Kalimba roped to her back.
“Lurra Rus is lighter than you, Sir,” retorted the Doctor. “And you, you’re what, 80? That’s pretty much a child on my home planet. I’m at least 3,000 years your senior!”
“Pull the other one!” scoffed Cranky Kong.
“She’s not lying, Cranky Kong,” replied Amy.
“The Doctor’s people have a tendency to cheat death,” explained Lurra Rus. “Although, that’s because they can rewrite their whole genetic code to become a new person.”
“Wait, you serious?” asked Cranky Kong.
“It’s true!” snapped Krazy Kalimba. “All Time Lords like her are cheaters like that!”
“Like you don’t fear death in some small measure!” scoffed the Doctor.
“And that’s another thing, Time Lords?” asked Cranky Kong. “What, are you guys time cops or something?”
“When the Web of Time is threatened, yes,” replied the Doctor. “But we’re mainly observers. So don’t go asking us to undo any major tragedies in your world, we can’t do that.”
“Fine by me,” remarked Cranky Kong. “That just sounds like too much of a quick fix! And a messy one at that! Let me tell you, a quick fix always results in a mess down the line! All these kids these days-!”
“Oh boy, here we go!” complained Donkey Kong.
“THAT’S MY POINT, YOU YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER!” shouted Cranky Kong. “IF YOU KIDS WOULD GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR BUTTS-!”
“Hold up!” called Amy. “There’s a cave ahead!”
“Aha! There’s our stop!” cheered Donkey Kong. He let Lurra Rus off his back as the Doctor and Amy set Cranky Kong and Krazy Kalimba on the ground.
“Krazy Kalimba, if you please…” purred Amy as she summoned her hammer and held it over Krazy Kalimba.
“…Um, Banjo Bottom!” he called into the cave. “I-I’m here! I got the Kongs!”
“You tried to hypnotize them without my beat, did you?” scoffed a voice from within the cave. Out stomped a fat humanoid crocodile with a huge, bloodshot left eye and a normal right eye. His tummy was golden and he wore a red cape and a crown. Accompanying him was a banjo tiki.
“KING K. ROOL!” roared Donkey Kong.
“And Banjo Bottom, I presume,” said the Doctor.
“WHERE’S DIDDY KONG?!”
“Oh, he’s right here,” replied King K. Rool. “Diddy Kong, come out!” Donkey and Cranky Kong looked behind King K. Rool to see a spider monkey Kong knuckling his way out of a cave. He wore a red baseball hat and a red shirt with a gold star design.
“DIDDY KONG!” called Donkey Kong happily. “Hey, little buddy!”
“Wait,” urged the Doctor. “Remember what Krazy Kalimba here said.”
“…No!” realized Donkey Kong. He looked closer at Diddy Kong’s face and saw that he was in a trance!
“I wasn’t exactly lying!” laughed Krazy Kalimba. “And now we have two more Kongs! Lizard King, the beat!”
“That’s King K. Rool, you stupid pile of splinters!” snarled King K. Rool. He still banged his tummy like it was a drum, setting a beat.
“And away we go!” called Banjo Bottom. He started strumming out the hypnotic melody as Krazy Kalimba joined. Donkey and Cranky Kong’s faces went blank!
“Oh no!” gulped the Doctor.
“They’re not-!” begged Amy.
“I rather think they ARE!” warned the Doctor.
“What are your orders, Masters?” asked Donkey Kong in a monotone.
“Krazy Kalimba, Banjo Bottom, why aren’t THEY hypnotized?” demanded King K. Rool as he pointed at the Doctor and her companions.
“The Time Lord is able to resist the psychic part of our melody,” replied Krazy Kalimba. “She must have passed on that resistance to her companions.”
“Time Lord?!” yelped Banjo Bottom. “You can’t be serious!”
“I’m afraid so,” answered Krazy Kalimba. “I saw images of Gallifrey! Of her previous incarnations! She calls herself the Doctor!”
“THE Doctor?! The Scourge of Skaro?!” Banjo Bottom glared at the Doctor.
“Well, he’s not wrong,” confirmed the Doctor in a roundabout way.
“Then I know exactly what the Kongs need to do!” hissed Banjo Bottom. He turned to the hypnotized Kongs. “Donkey, Diddy, and Cranky Kong, turn the Doctor and her companions into a red paste! DESTROY THEM!”
“As you command, Master Banjo Bottom!” replied the Kongs in monotonous unison. They bared their teeth at the Doctor and her friends, Donkey Kong pounded his chest and howled a gorilla’s challenge howl, Cranky Kong twirled his cane as if it were a bo staff, and Diddy Kong pulled out two wooden guns.
“Oh dear!” gulped the Doctor.
“Impromptu Smash round!” muttered Amy as she readied her hammer.