“Well, this is familiar,” muttered Amy as she sat in a cell with the Doctor, John, and Kaori. She noticed that the Doctor was wetting her finger in the water glass she was given and rubbing it along the rim to make sound.
“…No, still not the right frequency,” she muttered.
“Frequency for what?” asked John.
“Well, I noticed that the locks are sonic locks,” explained the Doctor, “and I wondered if I could replicate the sound. Hence the musical glass.”
“It’s a full octave,” explained a voice. A fat Octoling arrived.
“That’s the Octarian Ambassador!” whispered Kaori.
“So it’s a series of eight notes?” guessed the Doctor.
“And played at high speeds that only a machine could achieve,” confirmed the Octarian Ambassador. “But, good news for you, I managed to get you an audience with King Octavio.” He held a device to the cell door and it played a rapid-fire octave, unlocking the door.
“Very kind of you,” said the Doctor.
“Why would Octavio want an audience?” asked Amy.
“Gloating, maybe,” remarked John.
“Yeah, that sounds about right,” agreed Kaori.
The Octarian Ambassador led everyone to the throne room. Octavio was still in his Octobot. “Well, well!” cackled Octavio. “A pair of slimy hipsters and their mammal friends!”
“DJ Octavio, what prompted this whole thing in the first place?” asked the Doctor.
“To finally claim what was supposed to be mine! All of Inkadia!”
“Another two-bit tyrant,” muttered Amy. “…Hang on, Kaori, John, is this whole place really called Inkadia?”
“Yep,” replied Kaori.
“And why would you need to conquer all of Inkadia anyways?” asked the Doctor.
“To undo the Inklings’ victory over my people 100 years ago!”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake!” complained John. “Our grandparents offered ways for you guys to get power for your homes!”
“Inefficient and unreliable!” retorted Octavio.
“Could someone fill me in on what happened?” asked the Doctor.
“100 years ago,” explained John, “the Inklings and Octarians fought in a war for survival. Before that, we were peaceful neighbors, but rising sea levels forced us to fight over the remaining land.”
“We held the advantage over the Inklings!” continued Octavio. “We were more disciplined! They couldn’t even get out of bed early enough to fight!”
“But we had ten limbs over their eight!” boasted John.
“No, it was because of sheer luck!” shouted Octavio. “If that plug wasn’t carelessly pulled, we’d have won the instant the Great Octoweapons stormed your central stronghold!” Octavio was about to continue when…someone farted. Everyone glared at the offending farter, the Octarian Ambassador.
“…Excuse me, would you mind not farting while I’m getting both sides of history?” asked the Doctor.
“Would you prefer silent but deadly, Time Lord?” asked the Ambassador. That caught the Doctor’s attention.
“…How did you…?” she asked. Amy then sniffed the air.
“…That’s not a fart smell,” she said. “That’s…bad breath?” Kaori and John smelled the air.
“…Yeah, that smells like someone not brushing their beak,” said John.
“That’s not chitin decay,” said the Doctor. “No, that’s the smell of…calcium decay. …Wait…” The Doctor looked at all the overweight Octolings. “…Are you lot…Jingatheen? Rackateen?”
“This is for the Passameer-Day Slitheen, Time Lord!” replied the Octarian Ambassador as he reached for his forehead. He then pulled on a hidden zipper that allowed a bright-blue light to shine out.
“Oh no! OUT!” called the Doctor as others did the same.
“Wh-Wha-?!” spluttered Octavio. He was then grabbed by Kaori and John and hauled away with the Doctor leading the escape. Amy snuck a look back to see something within the Ambassador’s skin pulling it off like it was a tight latex suit! The creature wearing the skin had bulbous skin, black orbs for eyes, sharp teeth, a long neck, and arms with three fingered claws.
“RUN, AMY!” called the Doctor. Amy ran as the creature and several of its friends had stripped down so they could reveal their trunk-like legs! The creatures then roared and gave chase! They were fast for such bulky aliens!
“What’s going on here?!” yelped Kaori.
“Later!” replied the Doctor. “Octavio! Safe room! Now!”
“Take a left here!” called Octavio. Everyone ran left. “Fourth door on your right! HURRY!” The Doctor quickly found the door and everyone dashed inside. There were several ink tanks and firearms.
“Ooh! Weapons!” said Kaori. She strapped an ink tank on and it filled with her color ink. The Doctor then cannibalized several weapons and a flashlight to make a gadget. She then grabbed the gun the ink tank was paired with, then aimed it at the creatures while holding the device above the gun.
“One false move,” she warned the creatures, “and my little gadget here will accelerate the decay of the ink in Kaori’s tank as it’s fired! Splat! Acetic acid shower! Now spack off!” The creatures backed up. The Doctor looked to her group. “They’re calcium-based life-forms. Acetic acid, usually found in vinegar, makes them explode when in contact with their skin.” She returned her attention to the creatures. “All right, question time! Why are the Slitheen here? Revenge, I’m guessing?”
“We have a long memory, Doctor!” snarled the creature that impersonated the Octarian Ambassador.
“Slitheen? That’s the name of their race?” asked John.
“Name of our race?!” scoffed another of the creatures.
“No, no, they’re criminal Raxacoricofallapatorians from the planet of Raxacoricofallapatorius,” corrected the Doctor. “Slitheen isn’t their species.”
“Precisely!” said the phony Octarian Ambassador. “Slitheen is our surname! Tafrasa Dav-thon Thackarin-Day Slitheen, at your service!”
“…Tafrasa? Didn’t you send me a death threat?” asked the Doctor.
“I see you’ve gotten my message, Doctor!” snarled Tafrasa. “I was a little boy when I heard about what you did to the Passameer-Day Slitheen!”
“What did she do?” asked Amy.
“…Erm, excuse me, your device will do what, Doctor?” asked another Slitheen. “Accelerate the ink’s decay?”
“That’s right,” confirmed the Doctor.
“Could you explain the science behind that?” The Doctor floundered at that. “…A bluff from prey!”
“Well, let’s end this hunt…with a slaughter!” cackled Tafrasa. He and his compatriots clicked their claws together in anticipation.
“If you can see,” said the Doctor. She switched on the device and bright light flashed the Slitheen. As the Slitheen tried to get their eyesight back, Octavio pressed a button and blast-doors shut in front of them while also sealing the windows. “…Thanks,” said the Doctor.
“My pleasure…and my desperation,” admitted Octavio. “They can’t get at us, but WE can’t get at them.”
“You mean we’re trapped here?!” yelped Kaori.
“That gives us SOME time to make a plan,” said Amy. “…And some explanations. Doctor, why are the Slitheen angry at you?”
“Well, I WAS involved in the destruction of the Passameer-Day branch of the family,” replied the Doctor. “March, 2006, the Passameer-Day Slitheen had infiltrated the British Government, sending a signal advertising nuclear fuel. The idea was to get humans to panic and fire their nuclear weapons at a supposed threat up in space. But it was a made up threat. The humans fire their missiles, they start a nuclear holocaust, and the Slitheen would have sold the chunks off as raw fuel. But one of my friends got ahold of a missile and fired it at the main government building for the United Kingdom, 10 Downing Street. It destroyed the Passameer-Day branch with one survivor, but I received a death threat from Tafrasa, a young man at the time.”
“He’s trying to avenge his heroes?” asked John.
“Mafia types have a warped sense of heroism,” remarked Amy.
“I suppose the question is how do we deal with our Slitheen problem?” asked Kaori.
“…If we can contact the human colonies…” mused the Doctor.
“Human colonies?” asked Octavio.
“The humans that were born here are the only ones that died in the floods,” said the Doctor, “but there are other colonies out there.”
“And you want those mammals to come here?!”
“It’s our best shot.”
“Doctor, what if the humans want to stay on Earth?” asked Amy.
“Then we make sure they negotiate with the new natives of Earth,” replied the Doctor. “The third Golden Age of Earth starts in just a few months!”
“Oof! My eyes!” complained a Slitheen woman as she rubbed her eyes. “How did she find the time?!”
“It doesn’t matter, Cousin!” replied Tafrasa as his sideways eyelids blinked rapidly. “The Doctor’s options are still limited as long as she stays in there! Now, we must cut off communications with any human colonies! It’s time to avenge the Passameer-Day Slitheen! Brother!”
“Yes, Tafrasa!” replied a male Slitheen.
“Are your friends in position?” asked Tafrasa.
“They’re ready, but must we go for a video broadcast? Surely audio is sufficient.”
“You’re just saying that because you don’t want to wear that suit!”
“It’s tight in all the wrong places!” protested Tafrasa’s brother.
“You’re the one that chose the cheap compression technology!” scoffed the female Slitheen.
“Now, see here-!”
“ENOUGH!” bellowed Tafrasa, ending the argument. “The people of this planet love spectacle as much as humans do. A video broadcast is the only chance we have to prove to them how dire the threat to their world is! Now quit arguing and suit up!”