Tag: splatoon

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Doctor Who: Crossings Series 6

Ink of Doom: Part 4

The Irken Armada was priming its weapons as error reports flooded the Massive. “…Okay, not going to lie, my sabotage WASN’T supposed to imperil the Earth,” said the Doctor. By then, Tysar and the Squid Sisters arrived.

“NOBODY MOVE!” demanded Callie as she raised her roller and Marie aimed her charger.

“What the-?! How did you three get here with weapons that fired ink instead of-?!” protested the Doctor. She then thought for a moment. “…Actually, here is probably the safest place for you three specifically.”

“Why, Doctor?” asked Tysar.

“Because her attempt to sabotage the Organic Sweep,” replied Gaz, “has actually set it so that the Earth would be space dust instead of the new food court planet we wanted.”

“So, Irkens, I’d say disregard Callie’s instructions on not moving, because we ALL need to move to stop the Organic Sweep,” said the Doctor.

“I’M the Tallest here! I’M the one that gives the orders!” snapped Zim. “…Everyone, help the Doctor fix the Organic Sweep!” Tools on spider-like limbs sprouted from Zim’s PAK. All Irkens and Gaz did the same as the Doctor pulled out her sonic screwdriver.

“We’ve got two minutes before the weapons open fire!” warned Dib.

“There’s not enough time for a full shutdown of the Organic Sweep!” yelped XIR.

“We’ll need to redirect the weapons fire!” replied the Doctor. “Gaz, Zim, can you two adjust the weapons angle by thirteen degrees?”

“That should be possible,” replied Zim.

“Adjusting now!” called Gaz.

“We’re also going to need to lower the intensity by 52%,” continued the Doctor.

“Let me take care of that!” replied Dib.

“One minute left!” warned XIR.

“New spatial coordinates confirmed!” called Zim.

“Intensity adjusted!” reported Dib. Zim grinned.

“Even with a malfunction, the inhabitants of Earth will surrender!” cackled Zim. Gaz smiled.

“You just prepared the Earth for our conquest, Doctor,” she said. She turned to XIR. “Begin planetary broadcast for after our weapons open fire.”

“Yes, Tallest Consort!” replied XIR.

“Doctor!” called Tysar.

“Steady now,” soothed the Doctor, crossing her fingers.

“Five, four, three, two, one! Firing sequence has begun!” called an Irken. …The Massive then rocked as it was hit with laser fire while it shot other ships in the Armada! From a distance, it looked like the Irken Armada was firing on itself. The weapons switched off as the alarms blared.

“REPORT!” ordered Zim.

“I don’t understand, Sir!” replied an Irken Engineer. “Those repairs we made should have made all weapons fire away from Earth but still light up their skies!”

“So why did we attack our own ships?!” demanded Gaz.

“I don’t know, Ma’am!” replied the Irken Engineer. “I’m getting malfunction reports from every deck of every ship!”

“Wait, where are our prisoners?!” called XIR. The Doctor, Dib, Tysar, and the Squid Sisters were gone! Zim snarled.

“They screwed everything up!” he snarled. “I want all hands to fix everything!” he ordered. “We’ll turn Earth into Foodcourtia II one way or-!”

“Sir, a teleporter to Earth was just activated!” called an Irken Security Officer. “Our prisoners got away!”

“Send out a-!” called Gaz.

“Alert!” called another Irken.

“WHAT NOW?!” shouted Gaz.

“Alien fleet incoming!” called the Irken. “Their weapons are primed and ready!”

“We’re being hailed!” alerted the Communications Irken.

“Put it through!” ordered Zim. The call went through.

“O Jo Blo Ro To Mo Co Fo Ro!” barked a voice.

Back on Earth, the Doctor listened in on the call. “The Judoon?! I thought the Wrarth Warriors were coming!” she grumbled.

“Who are the Judoon?” asked Callie.

“Thug police,” replied Dib. “I met them once in my time. Reminds me a lot of American Cops.”

“…I am SO sorry,” shuddered the Doctor.

“The Judoon are preparing to attack!” warned the Irken Communications Officer.

“We don’t have enough power for weapons!” called the Tactical Officer. “We can’t fight back!” Zim hated that he had to give such an order, but even HE could see how outmatched the Irken Armada was against the Judoon.

“…Withdraw,” he ordered. Everyone looked at him. Gaz didn’t bother, knowing that he was right. “…You heard your Tallest! Give all available power to the FTL drives and set course back to Irk! We’ll be slaughtered if we fight the Judoon! Any ship that falls behind is left behind! …Withdraw to Irk!”

On the screen the Doctor had wired up, everyone could see that the Irken Armada was fleeing the Judoon Fleet! The Judoon ships laid in a pursuit course and followed the Irken Armada! “YES!” cheered the Doctor. “And away they go!”

“Doctor, what did you do?” asked Tysar.

“I tampered with the Irkens’ firing systems a bit,” replied the Doctor. “In essence, I made their targeting computers think that the smaller objects were planets to be fired upon while the planet was the Irkens’ new mothership!”

“But you made it so that they’ll be able to fix their ships,” remarked Dib, recalling the intensity adjustment.

“Well, I didn’t want them dead,” replied the Doctor. “I needed them to see that a more capable fleet could take them on in their weakened state. They’re retreating back to Irk now…though I’d prefer it if the Wrarth Warriors were sent instead of the Judoon. That’s who I asked for during the initial sabotage.”

“So it was a trap, huh?” asked Callie. “And that’s why you wanted us here.”

“Well, turns out I overdid it during my first sabotage and didn’t calibrate properly,” said the Doctor, “so disobeying me actually saved your lives in the long run. …Just don’t make a habit out of it. …Now, Dib…I said this already, but…”

“I can’t go back,” replied Dib. “Yeah, I understand. …Oh well! I can teach the new present how we did things in UNIT and the Swollen Eyeball Network!” The Doctor smiled at his gusto!

“The galaxy at large will need your help, Dib Membrane!” she said. “Good luck!”

“You too, Doctor!” bid Dib. He then headed off.

“Hey, where are you going?!” called Tysar.

“Somewhere with humans, I’m guessing!” replied Dib as he turned a corner.

“…Are there-?” asked Tysar.

“They retook Alterna,” replied Callie. “We can direct him there.”

“We can’t, Callie,” reminded Marie. “Concert?”

“Oh, Squid! Yeah! Sorry, Doctor! We gotta go!” Callie rushed off to collect her bags.

“Thanks for saving the world again, Doctor,” said Marie as she followed Callie.

“…Well, with all that,” said the Doctor, “back to the TARDIS!”

The Doctor and Tysar had returned to the TARDIS and it was spinning through the Time Vortex. The Doctor was typing some queries into the console as Tysar reentered the console room. “Morning,” she said.

“Hm? Oh, morning,” replied the Doctor.

“…Doing late night research?” asked Tysar.

“I promised you that I’d find out if you make to New Davius or not,” answered the Doctor. “Even then, I can’t tell you the specifics, but-.” The console beeped. The Doctor parsed the results quickly, then smiled. “…As I said, no specifics, but all possible timelines indicate that you DO return to New Davius!”

“YES!” cheered Tysar. “…Wait, you said all possible timelines. Does that mean that…even the bad ones…?”

“Yes, even the bad ones,” confirmed the Doctor. “So, let’s just try and get as good a return for you as possible, hm?”

“Sounds good to me!” replied Tysar. “I’m going to make breakfast. You coming?”

“In a minute,” answered the Doctor. “I need to check with Gallifrey on the Grouping’s progress.”

“All right. See you then!” Tysar headed to the TARDIS kitchen as the Doctor placed her hands on the telepathic circuits.

“Doctor calling Gallifrey,” she said. “Doctor calling Gallifrey. Come in, Gallifrey. Do you read?” Stognav then appeared on the screen.

“Gallifrey receiving,” he said. “Doctor, how fares your personal travels?”

“Eh, you know, still dealing with the chronal surges,” replied the Doctor. “How goes any research?”

“We’ve stumbled across notes Tecteun left within the Matrix,” explained Stognav. “Doctor, I’m sorry to say that the Grouping will get worse before it gets better. Thanks to the Flux event you went through, there won’t be enough people to undo all of the damage done by chronal surges.” The Flux, that event always weighed heavily on the Doctor’s mind. She could still see that wave of anti-matter ripping through space and time and almost killing her favorite planet after successfully killing half the universe. She could still remember the Toymaker’s taunts on the subject. …And now Dib and Gaz’s timeline was permanently damaged, all because of Gaz choosing her hedonism over her planet.

“…Keep me posted, will you?” asked the Doctor as she sent all available data on the chronal surge she had to deal with.

“Will do,” replied Stognav. “Data received. We’ll be processing it. Gallifrey out.” The call ended and the Doctor sat down. The TARDIS beeped in concern for her pilot.

“…After putting my fourteenth incarnation in therapy on Earth with Donna,” mumbled the Doctor, “and yet it somehow haunts ME! …Unless he passed and his memories passed on to me.”

“Doctor!” called Tysar. “Breakfast!”

“…Food, yes, that might help,” muttered the Doctor to herself. She then got up. “Coming, Tysar!”

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 6

Ink of Doom: Part 3

It was times like this that Dib wished Zim was still morbidly obese in Doomsville after finally learning the truth of his exile. Now things got so complicated. …Maybe the previous Tallest should have had Zim executed or at least put on trial. …Oh well, no point in the woulda-coulda-shouldas. Now he had to focus on getting out of his cell! He checked his pockets…and recalled that the Irkens had emptied his pockets before they interrogated him. “…Right, better see if there’s useful tech in-.” He then heard a noise outside his cell. “…Hello?!” he called aloud.

“Dib?! Dib Membrane?!” replied a woman’s voice.

“Yeah! I’m in here!” called Dib.

“One second!” said the woman’s voice. He then heard a familiar buzzing! The door opened and Dib saw the Doctor as she twirled her sonic screwdriver in her hand successfully. “Dib Membrane!” greeted the Doctor.

“…Doctor, is that you?” asked Dib.

“Count the hearts!” replied the Doctor as she removed her glove so Dib could feel her pulse. Dib checked and goggled, then sighed in relief.

“Your UNIT files told me you change your face often,” he said. “Your current appearance looks good!”

“Thank you!” bid the Doctor. “Now, we don’t have much time! I’m sure you’ve guessed where and when you are.”

“Yeah, Gaz took advantage of a chronal surge,” replied Dib. The Doctor arched an eyebrow.

“…Your sister? Why?” she asked.

“She hates the human race with a passion!” replied Dib. “She’s sold out Earth just so she could have endless video game time and pizza!”

“…She’s the Tallest Consort, isn’t she?” guessed the Doctor. “I always knew an alien would be to Zim what the previous two Tallest were to each other. They’ll both fall into hedonism!”

“Doctor, Gaz is ready to start the Organic Sweep!”

“Well, good thing I’m here, then!” The Doctor found a control console and began her work.

“…Can we go back?” asked Dib. The Doctor paused her work.

“…I’m sorry,” she said, “but your disappearance was recorded and…you were never found again in your home time. You…you can’t go back, otherwise it will damage time.” Dib sighed.

“Oh well, worth a shot.”

Back with Zim and Gaz, Gaz was waking up from anesthesia. “…Did you really have to put me to sleep?” she grumbled.

“When adult Irkens are implanted with a PAK,” explained Zim, “the process is painful. Believe me, the pain would have corrupted the computer systems in the PAK. Now, once you’re recovered, a test is needed. Just to make sure it’s properly working. We’ll start with the legs. Just think of you growing extra arthropod legs out of your back.” Gaz concentrated…and four robotic spider-like legs sprouted from her PAK and hoisted her up. She then thought about moving forward and the legs carried her forward. Gaz grinned. “Now, retraction is a little more difficult, but-.” The legs then set Gaz down and retreated into her PAK. “…Or you could catch on faster than an Irken,” muttered Zim. Just then, the alarms sounded.

“What’s going on?!” demanded Gaz.

“Intruder alert!” warned XIR. “Target known as the Doctor is aboard the Massive!”

“WHAT?!” shouted Zim. “Where is she?!”

“Brig area, Cell Block Gamma! She opened Cell Gamma Nine!”

“Dib!” hissed Zim. “Alert all troops in the area! The Doctor and Dib must NOT interfere!”

“Come on! Come on!” growled the Doctor. She then lit up! “Yes! Organic Sweep protocols!”

“What are you doing?!” asked Dib.

“Sabotaging the Organic Sweep!” replied the Doctor. “It will take more than the forty-eight hours Zim gave me to fix it!” It took all but a few seconds for the Doctor to screw up the coding needed to operate the weapons! “HAHA! Perfect!”

“HANDS IN THE AIR, ALIEN SCUM!” shouted a voice. The Doctor and Dib turned to see that they were surrounded by Irkens.

“…It was like that when we got here!” Dib lied. The Irkens just narrowed their eyes in disbelief that he tried that. “…Okay, that was not one of my better ones.”

“Bring them to the bridge!” ordered the taller of the Irkens.

Back in Inkopolis, Tysar was fiddling with the Spawn Point. “Not you too!” complained Marie.

“The Doctor’s fighting alone right now and she gets a little too self-sacrificing when she does that!” retorted Tysar. “Now, either I dither here like a damsel in distress or I go up there and help her!”

“If you’re going, then I’M going!” declared Callie.

“Callie, no!” argued Marie.

“Callie, listen to your cousin!” urged Tysar. “Your roller’s ineffective against laser weapons!”

“In fact, INK is ineffective against lasers!” continued Marie.

“I’m not letting the Doctor fight alone!” insisted Callie. Tysar had finished her adjustments by now.

“There!” called the Thal. “See you-!” Callie then jumped onto the Spawn Point. “HEY! YOU GET OFF THAT-!” Too late. Callie vanished. “Oh for-!”

“I’m going after her!” called Marie as she jumped onto the Spawn Point.

“NO! GET BACK-!” Too late again. Marie vanished. Tysar developed a nasty twitch, then stamped her feet as she unleashed a flurry of curses in her native Thal language that shall not be translated here as they’re unbelievably rude. She then hopped onto the Spawn Point and went after the Squid Sisters.

The Doctor and Dib were taken to the bridge where Zim and Gaz were understandably unhappy with the sabotage. An Irken technician reported their findings. “It looks like it’s going to take a full week to undo what the Doctor did,” they said. “seventy-two hours at best if we activate our PAKs’ overdrive mode, something we all think is best, my Tallest.”

“Do it!” ordered Zim. He turned back to the offending saboteurs. “Well, Doctor, you made your decision for Earth a little early, huh?” he said. “I WAS going to be merciful and make this a mining planet, but thanks to you, it WILL become Foodcourtia II!”

“Oh, please!” scoffed the Doctor. “As if Sizz-lorr would allow that!”

“Sizz-lorr is now under MY command! HE obeys ME! He has no choice but to allow it!” Zim then drew in a breath a calmed himself. “Doctor, there’s a way for you to get into my good graces, and that is to undo your sabotage!”

“I’m afraid your good graces are rather on the low end of my list of priorities,” replied the Doctor.

“I’d advise you to reconsider, Doctor,” warned Gaz.

“You know, Dib told me about what you sold Earth out for!” snarled the Doctor. “All to satisfy your hedonism?! That’s your planet you’re betraying!”

“You think I care, Doctor?!” retorted Gaz. “Humans have always done the stupid things and pushed themselves to the brink of World War III! Whether it’s the pedophiles we put into office or the useless protests, we’ve proven that we’ve lost the right to our own destiny! Better to end it now than let Earth slide into decadence and decay!”

“Decadence and decay?! What do you think happened to Blorch?! Or Foodcourtia?! It’s what YOUR planet’s future will be! The nightmare of all slaves working one specific field! Hell on Earth! The apocalypse!”

“At least people will be honest about it!” Before the Doctor could refute Gaz’s claims, the alarms sounded again.

“Intruder alert!” warned XIR.

“What the-?! SECURITY! DOES THE EMPIRE NO LONGER HAVE IT?!” complained Zim.

“Identify them!” ordered Gaz.

“Two Inklings, one Thal, according to readings taken,” reported XIR.

“Tysar!” hissed the Doctor. She ran her hand down her face. “One of these days, I’m going to get a companion that will understand that ‘stay put’ means to stay put!”

“You just HAD to go onto the ship, didn’t you?!” Tysar snapped at Callie.

“I wanna help!” protested Callie.

“Callie, these guys have LASERS!” argued Marie. “You’ve got an oversized roller and my charger can’t do anything rapid fire! We-!” The Irkens then arrived.

“HANDS IN THE AIR, ALIEN SCUM!” shouted one.

“No time for arguments!” called Callie as she pulled out her roller. She then slammed it onto the ground and steamrolled over the Irkens!

“MY SQUEEDLYSPOOCH!” screamed an Irken.

“I got you, Greenie Grandma!” called another Irken as he aimed his gun at Marie. Marie then pulled out her charger and fired, her shot knocking the gun out of the Irken’s hands! “I-I DIDN’T MEAN THAT GRANDMA COMMENT!” he begged. Marie fired again, the impact of her ink knocking the Irken out.

“…Come on, we need to pick up Callie and find the Doctor,” sighed Tysar.

“Got it!” agreed Marie. The two of them ran after Callie.

Everyone on the bridge saw the chaos unfolding from Callie’s charge! “HOW IS A ROLLING PAINTBRUSH DOING THAT?!” protested Zim.

“What’s the matter, Zim?!” taunted Dib. “Your Squeedlyspooch can’t take it?!”

“I’ll be feasting on your brain meats, Dib!” warned Zim.

“Sir,” called an Irken, “something is wrong! The Organic Sweep is activating on its own!”

“WHAT?!” yelped Zim.

“How bad is that?” asked Gaz.

“Without manual control, the Organic Sweep will vaporize the planet instead of bombard it!” replied Zim. “Earth won’t exist as a member of the Irken Empire! It won’t exist PERIOD!”

“…Oh dear,” muttered the Doctor, thinking she made a catastrophic mistake.

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 6

Ink of Doom: Part 2

“So, the war between you and Tak is over and you’re the victor,” remarked the Doctor. “Still, calling ANY war ‘Great’, it just…yuck!”

“Save your insults for people shorter than us, Doctor!” snarled Zim.

“Will you depart Earth or not?!” growled the Doctor.

“Are you threatening me?! If so, you haven’t a leg to stand on! As I said, Earth was kept OUT of the crossfire! I even behaved when Dib and Gaz vanished!”

“…Dib and Gaz Membrane?” asked the Doctor. “They vanished in your-?” A nasty theory formed in her head. “…Oh no!”

“What’s wrong with you?” asked Zim. “…Oh yes! You still care for the worthless inhabitants of this rock!” The Doctor snapped her thoughts back to the current crisis.

“I warn you, Zim! Earth has colonies ready to defend the cradle of their civilization!” she declared.

“I think even the shortest Irken can handle the humans’ primitive ships!” cackled Zim.

“I very much doubt that.”

“There’s no UNIT to stop me, Doctor! And no Zygons, as you said! These creatures that replaced the human stink will be excellent slaves! Earth shall become Foodcourtia II!”

“It most certainly will not!” argued the Doctor.

“You’re in no position to tell me what can and can’t be done!” Zim then grinned wickedly. “But I’m nothing if not merciful,” he said. “I’ll give you forty-eight earth hours to prepare this planet properly. Otherwise, I conduct the Organic Sweep and sterilize all life!” He turned to his subordinates. “We’re leaving!” he ordered.

“Yes, my Tallest!” replied his underlings. One of then pressed a button on his wrist and the three Irkens vanished.

“…Dib and Gaz Membrane,” muttered the Doctor. “…And their disappearance is recorded in history. …Drat.”

The Doctor returned to Tysar, noticing that two people were gone. “…Tysar, where are the Squid Sisters?” she asked.

“They went to the Inkopolis News Station,” replied Tysar. “Special announcement about the Irken Invasion. They overheard everything and wanted to calm the people down, assure them that you wouldn’t surrender the Earth to the Irkens.”

“And they’re right, because I won’t,” said the Doctor. By then, the Squid Sisters returned.

“We just got off the phone with our agents,” said Callie. “They’ve delayed our concert until this crisis is dealt with.”

“The Captain also reassigned our mission to his successor, the new Agent 3,” continued Marie. “What do you need us to do, Doctor?”

“First off, we’ve got forty-eight hours to deal with the Irkens and see if my hypothesis is true,” replied the Doctor.

“Doctor, Zim said that two humans vanished from his time,” said Tysar.

“Dib Membrane and his sister, Gaz,” explained the Doctor. “I really hope that the chronal surge didn’t grab them and plop them here. Because if their disappearance was recorded and they were never found…then we can’t bring them back.”

“What?” asked Tysar. “Y-You mean that bringing them back would…damage time somehow?!” She then started thinking about her own situation. “…Would that mean-?!”

“For you, I don’t know,” sighed the Doctor. “…But I WILL check your timeline when this adventure is over. For now, we need to see if Dib and Gaz are in this time.”

Aboard the Irken Flagship, the Massive, Zim was in his office, indulging in some snacking. As he snacked, the computer in his desk beeped. “Oh, what is it now?!” he complained. A spider-like robotic leg then grew from his PAK and tapped the computer. His new SIR unit, titled XIR (X-treme Information Retrieval), appeared on screen. “What is it, XIR?” he demanded.

“My Tallest,” said XIR, “two humans have appeared on the Massive. All physical indicators point to their names being Dib and Gaz Membrane.”

“Your sensors must be faulty!” scoffed Zim. “There’s no way they’re alive after all this time, even accounting for their disappearance!” He then slurped on some soda through a straw as XIR continued its report.

“We are currently interrogating the two humans…but the one that looks like Gaz is as scary as her! And the male that looks like Dib has as big a head as him!”

“MY HEAD’S NOT BIG!” protested a voice. Zim spat out his soda in surprise. That was Dib’s voice!

“TELL THE INTERROGATORS TO STOP!” ordered Zim. “I’M CONDUCTING THIS ONE PERSONALLY!” He got up from his desk and strode out of his office.

Zim arrived in the interrogation room to see two humans, roughly his height. One was a woman in a black skirt and shirt with purple hair and an expression that cowed many Irkens. The other was a man with glasses, slicked hair, and a black trenchcoat. “It can’t be!” protested Zim. “Dib and Gaz vanished millennia ago!”

“Yeah, well you can blame Gaz here!” snarled the man as he nodded his head angrily at the woman. “She stole UNIT property and took advantage of a chronal surge!”

“That was a Cyberman’s chronal net and you know it!” retorted the woman.

“It’s UNIT property and YOU know it!”

“ENOUGH!” shouted Zim. “XIR, did they have a chronal net on their person?”

“The scary woman had it, specifically,” replied XIR.

“XIR?” asked the man. “What’s the X stand for?”

“Extreme, what else?” asked Zim.

“…Z-Zim, extreme starts with an ‘e’ and-.”

“It’s MY updated SIR unit and I get to name it!” snarled Zim. He then calmed down. “…So, it IS you, Dib, Gaz! …Gaz, why would you steal a chronal net?”

“To take advantage of the chronal surge,” replied Gaz. “I was hoping to get a place where I could finally get away from humans, but now I see from your systems that the whole damned race spread out to the stars!”

“…I mean, yes, it IS annoying, but YOU belong to the human race-.”

“AND I HATE IT! I hate having to be part of a race that’s so idiotic! All I want to worry about are video games and pizza and people always get in my way about that! I want to crush the human race and any others that would get in my way! You have the tech needed to crush them, I have ideas on how to do that!”

“Gaz, wait a minute!” protested Dib. “You’re selling out the human race of this time!”

“More like the Cephalo-sapiens, but humans too,” remarked Zim.

“…Cephalo-sapiens?” asked Gaz. “Like…talking squids and octopuses?!”

“And live their lives exactly like humans of your time.” Gaz couldn’t believe what she was hearing! “There IS a future I have planned for it, though,” offered Zim.

“And what’s that?!” demanded Gaz.

“Like us Irkens, you lot enjoy fast food, especially that…pizza, I believe it’s called. How would you like it if you helped me make Earth into Foodcourtia II?” Gaz arched an eyebrow.

“…What do I get for helping you?” asked Gaz. “Not that I’m really objecting.”

“Joint rule of the Irken Empire,” replied Zim. “A PAK to make sure you live as long as us, an entire empire at your command, and all the hedonism you want to unleash. What do you say?”

“…One slight change,” said Gaz. “…I want to fire the first shot for the Organic Sweep, Tallest Zim!”

“Done, Tallest Consort Gaz!”

“…Consort?” asked Gaz, a little disgusted.

“Just a title, no real meaning. It’s just something we have to use when an alien helps rule the Empire jointly.”

“…No romance involved?”

“None whatsoever. Friends at best.”

“…I think we can work out a friendship.”

“GAZ, YOU TRAITOR!” shouted Dib.

“Orders, my Tallest? Tallest Consort?” asked XIR. Zim undid Gaz’s restraints and nodded to her, indicating that she should decide Dib’s fate.

“Throw my big brother in the brig,” she ordered. “We’ll deal with him when Earth becomes Foodcourtia II.”

“While you’re doing that, inform the Control Brain Monitors,” ordered Zim, “that a PAK for Gaz needs to be made.”

“Yes, my Tallest, Tallest Consort.” XIR saluted and dragged Dib away.

Back in Inkadia, the Doctor was working on a machine. It looked like one of the spawn points usually seen in Turf Wars. “Doctor, what are you doing?” asked Marie. “That’s a decommissioned Spawn Point!”

“And it SHOULD work as a transmat,” replied the Doctor.

“Doctor?” asked Marie.

“I checked the TARDIS historical databanks on the Irken Empire,” explained the Doctor. “All my research agree with Zim in that he defeated Tak and won the Irken Civil War two thousand years before the Flood that eventually gave rise to you lot. …So why is he only attacking now? Questions, questions.”

“You’re not planning on going up into an Irken ship, are you?!” protested Marie.

“Sorry, Thal overhearing that last tidbit, along with Callie,” called Tysar as she arrived. “Marie DID draw the wrong conclusion, did she?!”

“Actually, she didn’t,” replied the Doctor. “Specifically, I’m going onto the Irken Flagship.”

“Don’t be absurd!” protested Tysar.

“Doctor, there’s no way you’ll survive that!” agreed Callie.

“Callie and Tysar are right, Doctor!” urged Marie. “They’ll shoot you on sight!”

“See, the thing is, I have some research to conduct,” replied the Doctor.

“Doctor!” protested Tysar.

“Zim chose this moment to fulfill his ‘mission’ of conquering Earth for the Irken Empire when he already won the Irken Civil War!” insisted the Doctor. “Now, either we dither here and hope against hope that help from the human colonies arrive before the Irkens conduct their Organic Sweep or I beam myself onto the Massive and make their job easier while getting information along the way!”

“But what if the Irkens just blast you to plasma?!” argued Tysar.

“Well, at least I will have tried,” said the Doctor. She then finished up.

“Doctor-!”

“If I’m wrong, bring whoever you can into the TARDIS!” directed the Doctor. “It’ll bring you all somewhere safe!” She hopped onto the modified Spawn Point and then vanished.

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 6

Ink of Doom: Part 1

Inkadia, once called Japan. Home of new forms of life on Earth. Right now, humans were in a different colony away from Inkadia, leaving it to the native Inklings and Octarians, squids and octopuses that gained the ability to achieve a humanoid form to walk on land. Right now, two Inkling women were adjusting their outfits. One of them, with her tentacles tied into a bow at the back of her head with her club ends reaching all the way to her calves, was adjusting her hat to make sure it was tilted onto the right of her head. She then reached for something…only it wasn’t there. “…Marie, where the squid are my earrings?!” called the Inkling woman to her gray-tentacled cousin, having just tied her shorter tentacles into a bow that tilted towards the right of her head while her hat sat on the left of her head.

“I dunno,” replied the other Inkling, Marie. “You had them last, Callie.”

“I know I put them-! …Oh, here they are,” mumbled the first Inkling woman, Callie. She fished out a pair of chunky hoop earrings and attached them to each of her pointy ears.

“I swear, you can be SO disorganized,” muttered Marie.

“Well, excuse me for-!” She then stopped talking. “…Marie?”

“I hear it too!” replied Marie as she heard the noise Callie heard. The two Inkling Idols rushed out of their dressing room and into the hallway…to see a blue box appear!

“Hey, isn’t that the box John and Kaori found?” asked Callie. “The one with Amy and her doctor friend?”

“Yeah,” confirmed Marie. “But what’s it doing here? Octavio’s still in prison.”

“Maybe Amy wanted to visit again?” guessed Marie. “Come on, let’s go see.” The Inkling cousins knocked on the door and the Doctor poked her head out.

“Is there anything on my head?” she asked. “Tysar won’t tell me if there is.”

“…Um…yeah, y-you’ve got…well a rose headband,” replied Callie, not sure who this woman was.

“That’s supposed to be there. Anything else?”

“Yeah, antlers,” replied Marie.

“…Antlers?” asked the Doctor.

“Y-Yeah,” confirmed Callie. Tysar then started laughing as the Doctor’s expression darkened comedically. She looked into the TARDIS.

“It’s early spring!” she protested at the powerful time machine. “Why are you putting hologram antlers on my head?! And you, Tysar! Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“Because the TARDIS is right, Doctor!” laughed Tysar. “That’s just funny!”

“All right, you two had your laugh! Now get rid of them!” The antlers vanished. “Thank you!” She then turned back to the Squid Sisters. “Now, Callie and Marie, the Squid Sisters, yes? Odd that you’d call yourself that, given that you’re cousins.”

“Sorry, do we know you?” asked Marie. “It’s just that…the human over there called you Doctor.”

“I did,” replied Tysar. “Although, strictly speaking, I’m not a human. I’m a Thal. And that IS the Doctor.”

“I wore a pleated skirt last time I visited Inkadia,” explained the Doctor. “That business with the Slitheen infiltrating Octavio’s court and trying to nuke the planet and sell off its radioactive remains? Ring any bells, you two?”

“…That’s really YOU, Doctor?!” asked Callie. “B-But…how?!”

“Regeneration, my dear Callie,” replied the Doctor. “It’s a lottery. Now, enough of that, I’m a little pressed for time.”

“So it ISN’T a social call?” asked Marie.

“Sorry, no. Did anyone report any missing persons or strange people just appearing out of nowhere?”

“N-No,” replied Marie. “Why?”

“We’re tracking something called a chronal surge,” explained the Doctor. “They have a tendency to take someone in one time period and plop them into another. Sometimes a knight from the Middle Ages gets thrown into the 42nd century, other times a Star Warrior ends up a few seconds into the past on another planet, you get the idea.”

“…Yeah,” said Marie.

“Really?”

“No!”

“I’m stumped too, Doctor,” replied Callie.

“Right. Well, we’re going to have a look around, if you don’t mind?” asked the Doctor.

“Y-Yeah, sure!” agreed the Squid Sisters.

“Thanks!” bid the Doctor as she and Tysar left the TARDIS.

“…So…no Amy today,” remarked Callie.

“Doesn’t look like it,” replied Marie. “And apparently the Doctor’s a shapeshifter.”

“…Hm…shapeshifter against another superpower…I think that was a Splatfest theme,” mused Callie.

“Doctor, who were those two?” asked Tysar.

“Callie and Marie, the pop idol duo known as the Squid Sisters,” replied the Doctor. “Better known as Agents 1 and 2 of the New Squidbeak Splatoon currently under the command of the original Agent 3.”

“And what kind of creatures were they?”

“Squids, if you can believe it. Or, more specifically, squids that underwent genetic mutation after genetic mutation to become the Inklings you see today. After a great flooding, humanity left Earth and some of the sea life evolved into land-dwelling creatures. Then there was a war between the Inklings and their octopus cousins, the Octarians. Eventually, the Octoling branch of the Octarians made peace with the Inklings and now they live together.”

“…You mean this is Earth’s future?” asked Tysar.

“Yes, but humanity’s coming back and helping Inklings and Octarians spread out across the stars.”

“And the chronal surge is centered here?”

“Yes. Now, we must figure out what before-!” Just then, the familiar feeling of a chronal surge passed over them. “Oh no!”

“Doctor, we’re still here,” said Tysar.

“Callie! Marie!” realized the Doctor. She and Tysar ran back to the Squid Sisters’ general direction to see them walking away from the TARDIS. “HOLD ON!” called the Doctor.

“Hm? Doctor?” asked Callie as she and Marie looked back. The Doctor sighed.

“Oh, good! Still in the present!” sighed the Doctor. “Now, come on, you two! Let’s start searching for-!”

“Doctor, we can’t go on searching for anything right now!” retorted Marie. “Callie and I have a concert in Splatsville!”

“And the Captain’s got a mission for us after that!” supplied Callie.

“With respect, you two,” interjected Tysar, “the concert and mission will be a moot point if we don’t figure out what happened during that chronal-!” She was interrupted by screaming from outside.

“…That’s not a good sign, no matter where you come from,” muttered Marie.

“Come on!” urged the Doctor as she ran towards the source of the screams.

Outside was pandemonium! Inklings and Octolings were running for cover from objects in the sky. The Doctor and her friends took cover as the objects continued firing. “What’s going on here?! An alien invasion?!” yelped Marie over the screaming.

“Well, given that there ARE alien ships hanging in your skies,” remarked Tysar, “yes, I’d say that’s exactly what’s going on! I don’t recognize the design of the ships, but-!”

“It’s the Irken Armada!” replied the Doctor.

“The what?!” asked Callie.

“The Irken Armada! The main military force of the Irken Empire! A race of insectoid creatures hellbent on conquering the entire universe! With a collective gender of jerk!”

“Why are they setting their sights on Earth now?!” asked Marie. “We can’t possibly have anything they’d want!”

“They’re not interested in wealth or political power!” replied the Doctor. “They conquer planets just because they can!”

“Well, what can we do?!” asked Tysar.

“One moment!” The Doctor pulled out her sonic screwdriver and walked to the middle of the panicking crowd. She then switched the screwdriver on. “Intercepting any teleports to the planet!” Three Irkens then appeared, all surprised at the whole affair. Two were little, about the size of a human child, and the last was a few centimeters taller than the Doctor’s height and wore a mask.

“What is this?!” demanded the tall one. “I ordered us to go to Octo Canyon! Not Inkopolis Square! Invader Smeech, you have failed!”

“Apologies, my Tallest!” begged one of the shorter Irkens. “Our teleport beam was intercepted and-!”

“He’s right, you know,” interjected the Doctor. The Irkens gasped.

“A…human?!” asked the tall Irken, the Tallest. “But the dominant life forms of this planet are squids and octopuses! How-?!”

“Humans spread out from beyond the atmosphere of this little planet, my Tallest,” replied the Doctor. “Now…I’ve met you lot before, but not necessarily with this face. Under Convention 15 of the Shadow Proclamation, I formally request a cessation of hostilities in order to parlay!”

“…You’re not human, are you?” asked the Tallest. “No worthless human could possibly know about the Shadow Proclamation, much less attempt to invoke it!”

“No, I’m not human, but I put a lot of work into this planet. I know there aren’t any Zygons on this planet to help enforce things, but I’m still here. I am the Doctor! Former President of the High Council of Time Lords! Keeper of the Legacy of Rassilon! Defender of the Laws of Time! Protector of Gallifrey! Under the Doomsville Treaty, I order you to leave this planet!”

“Ah, Doctor!” purred the Tallest. “So, it IS true! You Time Lords can change our faces! It won’t matter! I stuck to the Treaty! Earth was NOT caught in the crossfire between myself and the False Tallest, Tak! The Great Civil War is over and I won! You won’t interfere in my mission this time, Doctor!” The Tallest removed his mask so the Doctor could see his face!

“…Tallest Zim!” hissed the Doctor. “I should have known!”

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 3

Splat-tastic Deja Vu: Part 4

John, Kaori, and Octavio made their way to Octavio’s quarters. He opened up his private kitchen and pulled out a bottle of vinegar. “…You cook?” asked John.

“Of course I do!” replied Octavio. “A real king can’t rely on servants for everything!”

“Hm, is that Takoyaki I’m smelling?” asked a Slitheen woman’s voice. The group found hiding places in the room as the Slitheen entered. She sniffed the air. “Oh, playing hard to get, eh? Well, that’s all right. This old girl could use the mental exercise!” She continued sniffing. “Mmm! That smell of adrenaline! It’s intoxicating!” Octavio was trying to load the ink tank with the vinegar quietly. “Ooh! That fear! Flooding your bodies with instincts that tell you to run because fighting is impossible!” The Slitheen then heard a click. She then pulled the table away to reveal Octavio having finally closed the lid! “There you are, Your Majesty!” cackled the Slitheen.

“ONE OF YOU! FIRE!” shouted Octavio. John and Kaori leveled their blasters at the Slitheen and pulled the triggers. John’s didn’t fire, but Kaori’s did. The Slitheen was doused in vinegar and gasped in horror as the acetic acid in the vinegar did its work. There was one last prolonged fart…then the Slitheen exploded, her green meat scattering all over the room. “…Okay…” mumbled Octavio. “I…don’t ever want to see that again.”

The Doctor had finished making her psychic communicator. Amy looked down the hall when she heard the fart and resulting explosion. “What was-?!” she yelped.

“The acetic acid in vinegar causing bubbling in the Slitheen’s calcium phosphate anatomy, causing an explosion,” explained the Doctor.

“…Vinegar makes a Slitheen blow up?!” asked Amy.

“Makes any Raxacoricofallapatorian blow up,” replied the Doctor. She then inspected her handiwork. “…Welp, all done here. …Just wish I had brain lube for this.”

“Brain lube?”

“Just a joke. I’m going to be in some considerable pain, considering I’m trying to telepathically reach halfway across the galaxy. …Well, Doctor, brace yourself!” The Doctor put the electrodes on her head and switched her communicator on. She then felt incredible pressure in her head, like her mind was about to explode! As she groaned and strained, she tried to send her thoughts concerning the Slitheen’s presence and a plea for help to the Galactic Council. For the Doctor, it felt like hours. For Amy, it felt the same, seeing the Doctor in pain with no idea how to help her. In reality, it was only minutes. The Doctor then switched off her communicator and tore the electrodes off her head.

“Doctor!” yelped Amy.

“I’m all right!” panted the Doctor. She then slowly smiled. “Help was a lot closer than I thought.”

“Doctor?” asked Amy.

“Come on, Amy,” directed the Doctor. “We’d better go greet them.”

“Greet who?!” Amy HATED it when the Doctor acted like this!

“What is taking her so long?!” complained Tafrasa.

“You know how she likes to toy with her prey,” replied his brother. “I’m more concerned with what’s taking Inkadia so long! Those codes should be released by now!”

“Erm, guys-!” called a young Slitheen.

“Not now, son,” replied Tafrasa.

“Dad, it’s really-!” insisted the young Slitheen.

“In a minute!” hissed Tafrasa. That was when the New Squidbeak Splatoon burst in.

“HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM!” shouted Captain Trey, the original Agent 3. The Slitheen just laughed.

“My dear boy, if that’s all you’re worried about-.” said Tafrasa.

“No! Dad, listen to me!” insisted his son. John, Kaori, and Octavio then arrived.

“NOBODY MOVE OR THE VINEGAR MAKES YOU ALL GO BOOM!” shouted Kaori.

“…You DARED kill my cousin!” snarled Tafrasa.

“Dad, believe it or not, there’s someone worse coming!” interjected his son.

“Oh, what is it?!” snapped Tafrasa.

“A Wrarth Warrior ship!” his son finally explained. “They were hiding right behind Earth’s moon! Someone called them for help!”

“A Wrarth Warrior ship?! Impossible!” Tafrasa finally checked the instruments. As he did, the Doctor and Amy arrived.

“Ah, here we all are!” she said. “And judging by your panic, Tafrasa, I see you discovered the Wrarth Warrior ship I contacted.”

“How?! You couldn’t contact the outside world!” snarled Tafrasa.

“You left me in a room with hypno-shades,” replied the Doctor. “It was easy to make a psychic communicator. I was prepared to send a plea for help to the Galactic Council Chambers, but a psychic among the Wrarth Warriors intercepted the call, taking a load off my mind quite literally. They should be arriving in about…” That was when flashes of light appeared, then formed humanoid arthropods with a pincer claw replacing the left forearm and five tendrils making up the right hand. They had huge red eyes and digitigrade legs.

“All right, you Slitheen scum!” snapped one of the creatures. “Which one of you is Tafrasa Dav-thon Thackarin-Day Slitheen?!”

“YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!” shouted Tafrasa as he readied his claws. He was then gunned down by the commander.

“Wait a minute-!” yelped Amy.

“Oh, no worries, Amy,” soothed the Doctor. “Their sidearms are stun guns. No lethal settings at all.”

“Of course, Doctor,” confirmed the Wrarth Warrior Commander. “I take it you ARE the Doctor that sent that psychic distress signal? The same one that helped us bring Beep the Meep to justice?”

“That’s me!” replied the Doctor.

“Wh-What’s going on here?!” asked John.

“Everyone, meet the Wrarth Warriors, a proper space police force,” introduced the Doctor.

“Sergeant Zivka, at your service, everyone,” said the Wrarth Commander. “My troops and I have been tasked with bringing the Thackarin-Day Slitheen back to Raxacoricofallapatorius for life imprisonment.”

“They’re still doing that these days?” asked the Doctor.

“They’re reserving the death penalty for the worst of the Slitheen,” explained Zivka. “We’ll put the Slitheen onto their ship and send it away to their homeworld via remote control.”

“And then what?” asked Captain Trey.

“Well, the humans ARE coming,” revealed Zivka, “but they’re not preparing warships, but embassy ships.”

“Embassy?” asked Kaori. “You mean…they really want peace?”

“Naturally.”

“While usually surrendering to their knee-jerk reactions,” said the Doctor, “humans genuinely don’t want to fight their neighbors.”

After they were cuffed, the Slitheen were marched back to their ship. The Wrarth Warriors oversaw the whole operation and keyed in a command for the ship. The Slitheen ship then rose into the air. “…I do have to apologize for the death of one of them,” the Doctor said to Zivka.

“It was self-defense,” replied Zivka. “I cannot hold-.” He was interrupted when a massive laser fired from the ground. It struck the Slitheen ship and destroyed it. “What in-?! Who fired that?!” demanded Zivka.

“It was self-defense!” replied Octavio.

“They had surrendered! You executed them unnecessarily!” snarled the Doctor.

“They were too dangerous to be kept alive, Doctor!” argued Octavio.

“There was a kid among them!” shouted Amy.

“I had to make that sacrifice to protect my people!” retorted Octavio.

“Don’t you dare start with me about that, Octavio!” growled the Doctor. “I know one word that could remove a psychopath like you from power!”

“You don’t have that kind of power!” laughed Octavio.

“You’re right, that’s giving myself too much credit,” replied the Doctor. “I know six words.”

“You’re lying.”

“Six little words.” She motioned for Zivka to follow her as she approached Octavio’s aide. She then whispered something to them. Zivka looked back, then nodded. The aide…looked uncertain. The Doctor then walked away. “Come on, Amy, back to the TARDIS.”

“…Wait, what did you say?!” demanded Octavio. “Doctor, WHAT DID YOU SAY?!” The New Squidbeak Splatoon, John, and Kaori then followed the Doctor as the Wrarth Warriors returned to their ship.

The Doctor and her group made it to Inkopolis Plaza. “So, it’s back to adventure for you guys?” John asked Amy.

“Well, the Doctor’s gotta cool off first,” replied Amy. “Let’s just say there’s a lot of personal pain from her I don’t fully understand.”

“Pray you never do,” replied Trey. “I saw that look in my predecessor’s eyes and I occasionally have that look. Doctor, I don’t know the scope of the war you fought in, but I hope I never do.”

“…So do I, Captain Trey,” said the Doctor. She opened the TARDIS doors and she and Amy went inside. The TARDIS then dematerialized.

“…Fresh!” whispered Kaori.

“Doctor, there’s something I DO need to know,” said Amy.

“What’s that?” asked the Doctor as she focused on the controls.

“What did you say to Zivka and Octavio’s aide?”

“…I just asked them a question,” replied the Doctor. “Perhaps you can answer it like they did.”

“What was that question?”

“…Don’t you think he looked tired?” Amy’s eyes goggled.

“…You killed his political career!” she said.

“He’s not the first politician whose career I killed like that,” replied the Doctor. “From what I glimpsed of the Octarian Nation’s future, he’s forced to abdicate thanks to the stresses of the Slitheen Incident and his successor’s role as King is rather like that of the Japanese Emperor, a ceremonial head of state with the Prime Minister of the Octarian National Diet as the real political powerhouse.”

“…And the humans?” asked Amy. The Doctor grinned at that.

“They make peace with the current dominant life of Earth and bring them to the stars!” she revealed. “Inkling and Octarian colonies dot the edge of the galaxy, even moving to other galaxies, like humans and Mobians!” Amy smiled.

“That’s a future worth seeing!” she said. “…Are there still Inkling and Octarian colonies in my time?”

“Yeah, actually! Wanna see?”

“Heck yeah!” With that, the Doctor set the controls and the TARDIS spun through the Time Vortex!

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 3

Splat-tastic Deja Vu: Part 3

The Doctor’s mind raced with ideas, but no concrete plans. John was about to say something, but Amy stopped him. “Better let her plan,” she advised.

“…Why would they wait this long?” muttered the Doctor.

“Pardon?” asked Amy.

“Even accounting for my usual life-style, the Slitheen could have picked any time I visited in the 21st century, so why here and now?”

“Maybe their ancestors tried?” guessed Amy. “And maybe they really wanted it to hurt somehow?”

“But how?” muttered the Doctor.

“…Maybe they’re gonna try again with the old Slitheen plan?” asked Kaori.

“…You know, I think you have something there,” said the Doctor. “There ARE still nuclear weapons on this planet, yes?”

“Yes, but we never got to touch them,” replied John.

“We never really bothered,” explained Octavio. “They’re nothing more than a suicide pill. The one thing us Octarians and you slimy hipsters agree on.”

“Octavio, is there a way we can monitor communications here?” asked the Doctor.

“Yeah, but we can’t exactly contact the outside world or any other part of this particular dome while the lockdown’s in effect for this room.”

“Let me worry about that. Show me.” With that, Octavio showed the Doctor a communications console. The Doctor started combing through the channels until she stumbled across Tafrasa speaking.

“-of Inkadia, heed my words,” he said. “The mammals that once dominated this planet have spread to colonies beyond our world. They have intercepted our Golden Disk and are making their way back to Earth…but not with peaceful intentions.”

“What? Already?” asked the Doctor.

“Our scientists have searched the solar system,” continued Tafrasa, “and they have found…massive weapons of destruction, capable of being deployed within 45 seconds!”

“That can’t be right!” muttered Kaori.

“It’s not right,” replied the Doctor.

“And, regretfully, they are capable of taking over our leaders’ minds!” Tafrasa went on. “Imagine my horror when I discovered that they enslaved our beloved DJ Octavio! Our scientists can baffle the mammal probes…but not for long. We’re facing…extinction. Inklings, Octarians, Jellyfish, all of us…unless we strike first! According to what I read from scientists from all walks of life, Splatsville lies directly beneath the belly of the mammal mothership! I beg the powers of Inkadia; pass an emergency resolution! Give us the access codes!”

“No, he wouldn’t!” realized John.

“A nuclear strike at the heart of the beast,” Tafrasa confirmed, “is our ONLY chance of survival! Because, from this moment on, it is my solemn duty to inform you…Planet Earth is at war with its ancestral rulers, the human race!”

“He’s lying,” said the Doctor. “The humans don’t go to war against you lot. Spoilers, but the dominant races, both old and new, make peace with one another.”

“So why would the Slitheen want to make up a threat?” asked John.

“And why throw me under the bus?!” demanded Octavio.

“And how will all that get at you?” asked Kaori.

“Reverse order,” replied the Doctor. “I put a lot of work into this planet, the Slitheen don’t need Octavio anymore, and it’s all part of their spectacle.”

“Do you think the powers of Inkadia will believe Tafrasa?” asked Amy.

“Why not?” asked the Doctor. “Inklings and Octarians are just like humans and Mobians in that regard. That’s what the Slitheen want, the whole world in a panic! You get scared, you lash out, the codes for the nuclear arsenal the humans left behind are released, and the Slitheen go nuclear!” The Doctor worked on the console.

“But why?” asked Octavio. “And what are you doing?”

“I’m getting into contact with Tafrasa,” replied the Doctor.

“But I just told you-!”

“And you’re right,” assured the Doctor. “But you didn’t have me around. I’m asking the computers running the communications systems very nicely to let me speak with him. AHA!”

“You got it?!” asked Amy.

“I got it!” replied the Doctor. “What’s his comms code, Octavio?”

“Well, if he was stupid enough to keep it, 4-7-8-4-2.” The Doctor keyed in the code.

“Aha! He IS stupid enough to keep it!” she cheered. She then spoke into the mic. “I will speak to Tafrasa Dav-Thon Thackarin-Day Slitheen under Jurisdiction 2 of the Shadow Proclamation!” Someone then picked up.

“I’m here, Doctor!” snarled Tafrasa’s voice.

“So, tell me, Tafrasa, since when did the Slitheen fall to senility? I mean, your external skin’s getting pretty hard, that’s a sign of advanced age for a Raxacoricofallapatorian.”

“I assure you, it’s more than just a repeat of what the Passameer-Day Slitheen attempted!” replied Tafrasa. “And since your precious humans are going to die in the process, I’ll overlook the comments about my age!”

“So you get the codes, convince the Inklings and Octarians that there’s an invading fleet of humans, they retaliate, but the missiles don’t strike any ships, they strike other countries.”

“And the radioactive shockwave would destroy the recolonization fleet on approach while we wait out the disaster in our own ship and claim salvage! A real pity that the humans would be exposed to the vacuum and cold of space!”

“But you’d destroy our planet!” protested Kaori. “You’d destroy something beautiful-!”

“Earth was never beautiful and never will be!” snapped Tafrasa. “Tigers, green plants, canyons in the sea, Inklings! It’s all ugly! Better to reduce the planet to molten slag and sell it off piece by radioactive piece! We’ve already sent the advert out, Doctor! The sale of the millennium! Enough raw fuel for every cut-price starliner and budget hauler! Surely you’re aware of the Galactic Depression, Doctor.”

“A depression that the Slitheen started! This is part of that Operation: Homeward Bound I heard about! You tank the galactic economy, Raxacoricofallapatorius becomes the poorest planet, they can’t fund their law enforcement, so you swoop in and take over the government! This is a venture to raise capital!”

“Precisely!” confirmed Tafrasa.

“At the cost of 5 billion people!”

“A bargain!” At that, the Doctor drew in a breath.

“…I give you a choice, Tafrasa Dav-Thon Thackarin-Day Slitheen,” she warned, “stop this plan, leave Earth peacefully, or I’ll stop you.” Tafrasa laughed at her.

“What, you?!” he said. “Trapped in your box?!”

“I beat the Passameer-Day Slitheen that way,” replied the Doctor.

“Not this time, Doctor! You may have restored communications between rooms but my cousin is skilled at keeping even YOU from contacting the outside world!” Tafrasa then switched off communications.

“Doctor, if he’s right-!” gulped John.

“He’ll be proven wrong,” assured the Doctor. “…But I can’t do this alone.”

“Are you getting Rassilon to help?” asked Amy.

“No, she’s too busy,” replied the Doctor. “No, I need to contact the Galactic Council. It was re-established after the Meep Army beheaded and ate the original council.” Amy blinked at that as the Doctor worked.

“…Th…the Meep…? …You know what, given that Gallifrey and Ragsi…Ruggsa…” The Doctor rolled her eyes. “Give me a minute!” protested Amy. “Ragsa…”

“Raxacoricofallapatorius,” said the Doctor.

“…Raxacorico…”

“Fallapatorius.”

“Raxacoricofallapatorius!” cheered Amy.

“That’s it!” praised the Doctor. “Well done!”

“Are you two listening to each other right now?!” snapped John. “You two think you’re so clever right now!”

“Yeah,” replied the Doctor.

“You sound like Marina Ida before her defection!” snarled Octavio.

“Hey, she only defected after YOU lost hypnotic control over her, just like the other Octolings living with us!” argued Kaori.

“Hypnotic control?” asked the Doctor.

“My spicy wasabi beats keep my soldiers under my control,” explained Octavio. “I needed TOTAL loyalty from my soldiers to protect my people!”

“You brain-washed innocent people!” retorted Amy.

“You also conscripted ten-year-olds!” said Kaori.

“…Octavio, how do you send your hypnotic signal out?” asked the Doctor.

“Put on those goggles and I’ll show you!” replied Octavio as he pointed out a row of red and black visor-style goggles. The Doctor pulled out a pair and examined it.

“…Actually, one might help slightly. …But many…” she took out a lot, then found a toolkit and started taking them apart.

“Hey! That’s Imperial Octarian property!” snarled Octavio.

“It still is,” replied the Doctor, “just being used for a more benign purpose.”

“Doctor, what are you doing?” asked Amy.

“I’m making a psychic communicator,” explained the Doctor. “There are plenty of psychic races in the Galactic Council at this time, so hopefully I can reach them.” At that moment, klaxons blared.

“What in-?!” asked John.

“That’s the intruder alarm!” replied Octavio.

“Turn that off, Octavio!” ordered the Doctor. “I need to concentrate!” Octavio turned off the alarm and goggled.

“…Oh no, not again!” he complained.

“What is it?” asked Kaori.

“It’s that stupid New Squidbeak Splatoon!” grumbled Octavio. “Captain Trey is leading the charge!”

“The New Squidbeak Splatoon?!” asked John. “WHOO! MY HEROES!”

“They’re the ones that beat Octavio in recent times!” explained Kaori.

“No, no, no!” protested the Doctor. “We have to send them away!”

“Doctor?” asked Amy.

“The Slitheen won’t be affected by the Splatoon’s ink!” explained the Doctor. “It will be a massacre!”

“There’s also a chance it could cause confusion for the Slitheen!” said Amy.

“It’s too risky!” countered the Doctor. “Raxacoricofallapatorians are fast, strong, and the females have poison darts in their fingers! The New Squidbeak Splatoon WILL be slaughtered! Kaori, John, you two will have to save them. Octavio, is there a vinegar supply and can the ink tanks be loaded with it?”

“Yes to both, but-!” replied Octavio.

“Then lead them there!” directed the Doctor. “And watch your backs!”

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 3

Splat-tastic Deja Vu: Part 2

“Well, this is familiar,” muttered Amy as she sat in a cell with the Doctor, John, and Kaori. She noticed that the Doctor was wetting her finger in the water glass she was given and rubbing it along the rim to make sound.

“…No, still not the right frequency,” she muttered.

“Frequency for what?” asked John.

“Well, I noticed that the locks are sonic locks,” explained the Doctor, “and I wondered if I could replicate the sound. Hence the musical glass.”

“It’s a full octave,” explained a voice. A fat Octoling arrived.

“That’s the Octarian Ambassador!” whispered Kaori.

“So it’s a series of eight notes?” guessed the Doctor.

“And played at high speeds that only a machine could achieve,” confirmed the Octarian Ambassador. “But, good news for you, I managed to get you an audience with King Octavio.” He held a device to the cell door and it played a rapid-fire octave, unlocking the door.

“Very kind of you,” said the Doctor.

“Why would Octavio want an audience?” asked Amy.

“Gloating, maybe,” remarked John.

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” agreed Kaori.

The Octarian Ambassador led everyone to the throne room. Octavio was still in his Octobot. “Well, well!” cackled Octavio. “A pair of slimy hipsters and their mammal friends!”

“DJ Octavio, what prompted this whole thing in the first place?” asked the Doctor.

“To finally claim what was supposed to be mine! All of Inkadia!”

“Another two-bit tyrant,” muttered Amy. “…Hang on, Kaori, John, is this whole place really called Inkadia?”

“Yep,” replied Kaori.

“And why would you need to conquer all of Inkadia anyways?” asked the Doctor.

“To undo the Inklings’ victory over my people 100 years ago!”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake!” complained John. “Our grandparents offered ways for you guys to get power for your homes!”

“Inefficient and unreliable!” retorted Octavio.

“Could someone fill me in on what happened?” asked the Doctor.

“100 years ago,” explained John, “the Inklings and Octarians fought in a war for survival. Before that, we were peaceful neighbors, but rising sea levels forced us to fight over the remaining land.”

“We held the advantage over the Inklings!” continued Octavio. “We were more disciplined! They couldn’t even get out of bed early enough to fight!”

“But we had ten limbs over their eight!” boasted John.

“No, it was because of sheer luck!” shouted Octavio. “If that plug wasn’t carelessly pulled, we’d have won the instant the Great Octoweapons stormed your central stronghold!” Octavio was about to continue when…someone farted. Everyone glared at the offending farter, the Octarian Ambassador.

“…Excuse me, would you mind not farting while I’m getting both sides of history?” asked the Doctor.

“Would you prefer silent but deadly, Time Lord?” asked the Ambassador. That caught the Doctor’s attention.

“…How did you…?” she asked. Amy then sniffed the air.

“…That’s not a fart smell,” she said. “That’s…bad breath?” Kaori and John smelled the air.

“…Yeah, that smells like someone not brushing their beak,” said John.

“That’s not chitin decay,” said the Doctor. “No, that’s the smell of…calcium decay. …Wait…” The Doctor looked at all the overweight Octolings. “…Are you lot…Jingatheen? Rackateen?”

“This is for the Passameer-Day Slitheen, Time Lord!” replied the Octarian Ambassador as he reached for his forehead. He then pulled on a hidden zipper that allowed a bright-blue light to shine out.

“Oh no! OUT!” called the Doctor as others did the same.

“Wh-Wha-?!” spluttered Octavio. He was then grabbed by Kaori and John and hauled away with the Doctor leading the escape. Amy snuck a look back to see something within the Ambassador’s skin pulling it off like it was a tight latex suit! The creature wearing the skin had bulbous skin, black orbs for eyes, sharp teeth, a long neck, and arms with three fingered claws.

“RUN, AMY!” called the Doctor. Amy ran as the creature and several of its friends had stripped down so they could reveal their trunk-like legs! The creatures then roared and gave chase! They were fast for such bulky aliens!

“What’s going on here?!” yelped Kaori.

“Later!” replied the Doctor. “Octavio! Safe room! Now!”

“Take a left here!” called Octavio. Everyone ran left. “Fourth door on your right! HURRY!” The Doctor quickly found the door and everyone dashed inside. There were several ink tanks and firearms.

“Ooh! Weapons!” said Kaori. She strapped an ink tank on and it filled with her color ink. The Doctor then cannibalized several weapons and a flashlight to make a gadget. She then grabbed the gun the ink tank was paired with, then aimed it at the creatures while holding the device above the gun.

“One false move,” she warned the creatures, “and my little gadget here will accelerate the decay of the ink in Kaori’s tank as it’s fired! Splat! Acetic acid shower! Now spack off!” The creatures backed up. The Doctor looked to her group. “They’re calcium-based life-forms. Acetic acid, usually found in vinegar, makes them explode when in contact with their skin.” She returned her attention to the creatures. “All right, question time! Why are the Slitheen here? Revenge, I’m guessing?”

“We have a long memory, Doctor!” snarled the creature that impersonated the Octarian Ambassador.

“Slitheen? That’s the name of their race?” asked John.

“Name of our race?!” scoffed another of the creatures.

“No, no, they’re criminal Raxacoricofallapatorians from the planet of Raxacoricofallapatorius,” corrected the Doctor. “Slitheen isn’t their species.”

“Precisely!” said the phony Octarian Ambassador. “Slitheen is our surname! Tafrasa Dav-thon Thackarin-Day Slitheen, at your service!”

“…Tafrasa? Didn’t you send me a death threat?” asked the Doctor.

“I see you’ve gotten my message, Doctor!” snarled Tafrasa. “I was a little boy when I heard about what you did to the Passameer-Day Slitheen!”

“What did she do?” asked Amy.

“…Erm, excuse me, your device will do what, Doctor?” asked another Slitheen. “Accelerate the ink’s decay?”

“That’s right,” confirmed the Doctor.

“Could you explain the science behind that?” The Doctor floundered at that. “…A bluff from prey!”

“Well, let’s end this hunt…with a slaughter!” cackled Tafrasa. He and his compatriots clicked their claws together in anticipation.

“If you can see,” said the Doctor. She switched on the device and bright light flashed the Slitheen. As the Slitheen tried to get their eyesight back, Octavio pressed a button and blast-doors shut in front of them while also sealing the windows. “…Thanks,” said the Doctor.

“My pleasure…and my desperation,” admitted Octavio. “They can’t get at us, but WE can’t get at them.”

“You mean we’re trapped here?!” yelped Kaori.

“That gives us SOME time to make a plan,” said Amy. “…And some explanations. Doctor, why are the Slitheen angry at you?”

“Well, I WAS involved in the destruction of the Passameer-Day branch of the family,” replied the Doctor. “March, 2006, the Passameer-Day Slitheen had infiltrated the British Government, sending a signal advertising nuclear fuel. The idea was to get humans to panic and fire their nuclear weapons at a supposed threat up in space. But it was a made up threat. The humans fire their missiles, they start a nuclear holocaust, and the Slitheen would have sold the chunks off as raw fuel. But one of my friends got ahold of a missile and fired it at the main government building for the United Kingdom, 10 Downing Street. It destroyed the Passameer-Day branch with one survivor, but I received a death threat from Tafrasa, a young man at the time.”

“He’s trying to avenge his heroes?” asked John.

“Mafia types have a warped sense of heroism,” remarked Amy.

“I suppose the question is how do we deal with our Slitheen problem?” asked Kaori.

“…If we can contact the human colonies…” mused the Doctor.

“Human colonies?” asked Octavio.

“The humans that were born here are the only ones that died in the floods,” said the Doctor, “but there are other colonies out there.”

“And you want those mammals to come here?!”

“It’s our best shot.”

“Doctor, what if the humans want to stay on Earth?” asked Amy.

“Then we make sure they negotiate with the new natives of Earth,” replied the Doctor. “The third Golden Age of Earth starts in just a few months!”

“Oof! My eyes!” complained a Slitheen woman as she rubbed her eyes. “How did she find the time?!”

“It doesn’t matter, Cousin!” replied Tafrasa as his sideways eyelids blinked rapidly. “The Doctor’s options are still limited as long as she stays in there! Now, we must cut off communications with any human colonies! It’s time to avenge the Passameer-Day Slitheen! Brother!”

“Yes, Tafrasa!” replied a male Slitheen.

“Are your friends in position?” asked Tafrasa.

“They’re ready, but must we go for a video broadcast? Surely audio is sufficient.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t want to wear that suit!”

“It’s tight in all the wrong places!” protested Tafrasa’s brother.

“You’re the one that chose the cheap compression technology!” scoffed the female Slitheen.

“Now, see here-!”

“ENOUGH!” bellowed Tafrasa, ending the argument. “The people of this planet love spectacle as much as humans do. A video broadcast is the only chance we have to prove to them how dire the threat to their world is! Now quit arguing and suit up!”

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 3

Splat-tastic Deja Vu: Part 1

In a city plaza by a tower with a giant long fish wrapped around it, various people were doing their own thing. The people had black eye masks, but these were no bandits. They had pointed ears and what looked like two club tentacles with the males tying them back and the females just letting them hang loose. These were the humanoid descendants of squids, the Inklings. Right now, a female Inkling with orange tentacles and headphones was bobbing her head to the beat of a song by a music group, the Squid Squad. As she listened, she then heard a strange noise. …That wasn’t part of the song. It sounded like a wheezing, groaning noise, followed by a thud. She stopped her music and headed off to the alley where a shady individual used to sit at. She blinked when she saw a blue box. “What in the name of the Great Zapfish?” she muttered.

“Hey! Kaori!” called a voice. She looked behind her to see a male Inkling with goggles on his forehead and blue tentacles. “Hey, girl! What’s going on?” asked the male.

“John, did you set this up?” asked the Inkling girl, Kaori. The Inkling boy, John, looked at the blue box.

“…Nope, that ain’t mine,” he said. “It says ‘Police Public Call Box’. Maybe it’s a new police thing?” At that moment, the door was opened from the inside and out stepped…

“AMY?!” yelped Kaori. There she was, Amy Rose from Mobius!

“Kaori! John!” greeted Amy. She hugged the two Inklings, then looked inside the box, the TARDIS. “Doctor, come on out!” she said. At that moment, the Doctor stepped out.

“So the telepathic circuits worked?” she asked.

“They sure did!” confirmed Amy. “Kaori, John, meet the Doctor from the planet of Gallifrey!”

“An alien?!” yelped John.

“Yep! That’s me! I come in peace!” confirmed the Doctor. “And you two are…?”

“I’m Kaori, this is John,” introduced Kaori. “Welcome to Inkopolis!”

“Interesting,” mused the Doctor. “This is 12,000 years after the great flood of 4756.”

“…I…I suppose,” said John.

“She’s a time traveler,” explained Amy.

“I see…anyways!” Kaori changed tactics. “What are you doing here, Amy? The Smash Tournament isn’t for a while.”

“I just wanted to visit friends,” replied Amy. “We just came from far into the future after Earth gets roasted by the sun.”

“Still 5 billion years away,” assured the Doctor. “Let’s just say we’re looking for a place to relax.”

“Ooh! Maybe there’s a turf war going on!” said Kaori.

“Turf war?” asked the Doctor.

“The Inklings can fire their ink through special firearms,” explained Amy. “The idea of turf wars is to cover more surface area than your opponents. It’s a four-on-four game.”

“I got it!” called John after he looked up the newest matches. “There’s gonna be a turf war at Urchin Underpass with both teams from Splatsville in a few minutes!”

“Let’s go see!” replied Kaori.

“Come on, Doctor! It’ll be fun to watch!” urged Amy.

“…All right, might as well get stuck in,” mused the Doctor.

“All right!” cheered John. “This way!” He led everyone to a train station.

The train took them to the viewing gallery at Urchin Underpass. The Doctor and her group took their seats and awaited the teams’ arrival. Four cubes appeared in the air on each side of the stage. “The cleanup must be abysmal under there,” muttered the Doctor.

“Not really,” replied Kaori. “Our ink evaporates pretty quickly after it’s left alone for a while.”

“Really?” The Doctor had to figure that out somehow. Just then, squids and octopuses appeared on the cubes, one team in purple, the other team in green. The squids then turned into Inklings and the octopuses turned into life-forms similar to the Inklings! “So squids aren’t the only ones who gained a humanoid form?” asked the Doctor.

“Nope,” replied John. “A couple of years ago, we had Octolings join us. They’re the better half of the Octarians, our ancient enemies in the Great Turf War. Any time you see an Octoling in a turf war, they’ve abandoned their king, Octavio.”

“Three! Two! One! GO!” shouted the announcer. The two teams launched off their cubes and fired at the ground. An Octoling girl on the Purple Team aimed what looked like a sniper rifle at an Inkling boy with a giant roller paintbrush and fired! The Inkling burst into purple ink and what looked like a sad, cartoony squid flew up into the sky.

“Sh-She just-!” spluttered the Doctor.

“Look over there, Ma’am,” directed John. The cartoony squid then entered one of the cubes and the Inkling boy came back, looking a bit miffed.

“…H…How?!” asked the Doctor.

“I dunno, those things just bring us back,” replied Kaori. “I’m not a scientist.”

“Even then, it’s not perfect,” remarked John. “They can’t prevent ALL deaths, just turf war related ones.” It was then the song changed.

“Oh boy! Now or Never!” said Kaori.

“That’s the Squid Sisters version, isn’t it?” mused John. “Come on, Green! Come on, Green!” A countdown then appeared on the big screen. At the end of the countdown, a whistle blasted. Out stepped two cats! One was clearly an adult, the other was a kitten!

“Are…are those…the judges?” asked the Doctor. She notice that their black and white fur pattern made them look like they were wearing black suspenders and bowties.

“Judd and his clone, Li’l Judd,” explained Kaori. The two cats were walking upright and were dancing just a bit as meters below them filled with the teams’ colors, green for Judd and purple for Li’l Judd. Li’l Judd then pulled out a purple flag as the purple team’s meter had 52.6% turf covered. The way Li’l Judd pulled the flag out seemed to knock Judd flat onto his stomach. The Green Team wailed at their loss with an Inkling girl stamping her feet like a little kid while the Purple team were dancing in victory with an Inkling girl on the team hugging her gatling gun like it was a toy.

“So that’s a typical turf war?” asked the Doctor once they all returned to Inkopolis Plaza.

“Yep! The next stages should be announced soon,” said John. “Now if the Squid Sisters would-!”

“Oh, here we go!” complained Kaori. “You were like that when Off the Hook took over stage announcements!”

“Come on! You can’t beat the classic Squid Sisters!”

“Erm, who ARE the Squid Sisters?” asked the Doctor.

“They’re a pair of pop idols,” explained Kaori. “Cousins from Calamari County. Their names are Callie and Marie. On top of music, they’d host Inkopolis News right here in Inkopolis Plaza to announce the stages for turf wars and other related activities. They were then succeeded by Pearl and Marina, the rapper and DJ group known as Off the Hook, they’d host Inkopolis News over in Inkopolis Square. These days, a trio of idols known as Shiver, Frye, and Big Man, are doing the news from Splatsville. Their group is called Deep Cut and their news broadcast is called Anarchy Splatcast.”

“Interesting,” mused the Doctor.

“…Doctor,” said Amy, “something’s making the fur on the back of-!” She was interrupted as a giant tentacle wrapped around her, pinning her arms to the side and gagging her mouth.

“WHAT IN-?!” yelped the Doctor. She then saw that the tentacle had feet…and a face with inflated lips and eyes with green sclera and purple corneas! “Oi! Let her down!”

“Not a chance!” replied the tentacle. “My king has need of her!” It then dove into a sewer grate!

“That was an Octarian!” said John. “They haven’t attacked Inkopolis in a long time!”

“Come on, John!” said Kaori. “You too, Doctor!”

“Naturally! That’s my friend he kidnapped!” The Doctor and the two Inklings followed the Octarian.

The group ended up in a valley with all sorts of kettles littering the place. “…Octo Valley,” said John. “What a dump. A force of Octavio loyalists still live here, even after his defeat by the New Squidbeak Splatoon.”

“…Splatoon?” asked the Doctor. Her answers were cut short as someone laughed overhead. Everyone looked up to see a spherical machine with fists and a mix table flying down. Amy was still bound by an Octarian in the machine, and piloting the mechanical beast was a giant octopus with a green X scar and a kabuto style helmet.

“GYAH HA HA HA HA!” laughed the octopus. “Tried to party without me, huh?! A bit of a reunion with Smash Brothers and a spectator?!”

“DJ Octavio!” snarled Kaori.

“So that’s the Octarian Leader?” mused the Doctor. “Mr. Octavio, sir-!”

“You will address me as DJ or Your Majesty!” snarled Octavio. “Unless you want your brain remixed!” Amy shouted something, but the tentacle still wrapped around her mouth muffled her.

“Quit squirming! You can’t even bite me!” snapped the Octarian restraining her.

“Sir, that’s MY companion you have as your hostage,” continued the Doctor. “I urge you to release her at once.”

“Fat chance, Ape Girl!”

“Steady on there!” protested the Doctor. That was when Octarians restrained her as well as Kaori and John. Octavio took the time to brag.

“On behalf of the Octarian Nation, I welcome you distinguished guests to Octo Valley! GYAH HA HA HA HA!”

Categories
Kamen Rider Vortex Kamen Rider Vortex Movie Cast

Lord Jason Ikamesh (Kamen Rider Turf)

Do you know how hard it is to adapt my standard Rider Armor to fit an Inkling?!

Kamen Rider Turf! I shall claim this turf in victory!

Categories
Kamen Rider Vortex Kamen Rider Vortex Movie Cast

Lord Jason Ikamesh

Bio:

An Inkling from Inkopolis, Jason Ikamesh is an avid Turf War player with a rank of A+. After Agent 4 had rescued Callie from DJ Octavio’s clutches, Sauron attacked with his Orcs and new allies, keeping Inkopolis in a state of fear for two years. Megumi arrived with her team to find Death’s Source and Jason was ordered to lead them to Sauron if he wanted Inkling culture to thrive.

He had a change of heart and revealed a Chronicle Driver, thus allowing him a position in the F.N.S and becoming Kamen Rider Turf, a new recruit against Shocker Rift!Vote