Do you know how hard it is to adapt my standard Rider Armor to fit an Inkling?!
Kamen Rider Turf! I shall claim this turf in victory!
Tag: splatoon
Bio:
An Inkling from Inkopolis, Jason Ikamesh is an avid Turf War player with a rank of A+. After Agent 4 had rescued Callie from DJ Octavio’s clutches, Sauron attacked with his Orcs and new allies, keeping Inkopolis in a state of fear for two years. Megumi arrived with her team to find Death’s Source and Jason was ordered to lead them to Sauron if he wanted Inkling culture to thrive.
He had a change of heart and revealed a Chronicle Driver, thus allowing him a position in the F.N.S and becoming Kamen Rider Turf, a new recruit against Shocker Rift!Vote
“YOU!” I snarled at Sauron.
“Us,” corrected Sauron as he pointed to his compatriots.
“I never thought I’d see you again after you were crushed like a tin can in Metropolis!” I growled. I turned to the Riddler. “Riddle me this, you WERE defeated in Gondor, right?”
“Quite the story after those incidents,” remarked Sauron. “Shall we tell you of our scars?”
“Were your fathers drinkers and fiends?” taunted Livia. Sauron then fired lightning from the One Ring, shocking us all. He ended the treatment after a few seconds.
“Just before you fought our old employer, Vortech,” began the Riddler, “we had to part company with him. We boarded new Dalek Saucers to escape. However, we were blown off course. Strange dimensional energies buffeted our vessels. I believe you’re familiar with the source of them. Riddle me this: what circles around, causing riders to scream?” The answer was a roller-coaster’s loop-de-loop. I could see where the ultimate answer was coming from.
“Ah, the Rift Loop we trapped Vortech in,” I answered.
“Exactly,” confirmed Sauron. “As the Riddler said, we were sent off course, landing in a much harsher universe. Ancient Evils were tearing it asunder…until WE stepped in. We destroyed the monsters attacking that world and took control. Plenty of people to command, plenty of space to make Orcs, Daleks, and other minions, and plenty of resources to build up and replenish whatever vessels and minions we’ve lost.”
“Sooo, the story is less ‘Ha ha’ funny,” I remarked. This time, the Riddler zapped us.
“Question: what IS ‘Ha ha’ funny?” he snarled. “Answer: YOUR PAIN!” He stopped zapping and resumed explaining. “Shocker Rift spent the next two years building up its forces, ready to conquer and enslave the Tarlaxians, making ABSOLUTELY sure we could control them this time!”
“So you used the Tarlaxian scout ship as test subjects!” growled Turretorg.
“Well, yes,” replied the Riddler, “but our efforts are being stymied. Right now, they’re unconscious, so they can’t reveal why our methods aren’t working…but we have a guess.”
“We discovered YOUR handiwork, Turretorg,” continued Sauron. “YOU were a master of the mental disciplines back when you served us. So, tell me, what did you do to make the Tarlaxians resistant to our control?”
“Like I’d tell you!” growled Turretorg.
“Do we REALLY need to do this?” quizzed Jason.
“Are you questioning us?!” snarled Octavio.
“Look,” interjected Callie, “I don’t think…”
“DON’T think, obey!” roared Octavio. “Or, do I need to use the hypno-shades on you again?!”
“…N-no, Sir,” gulped Callie. “I’m sorry, Sir.”
“To answer your question, YES,” hissed Kaito. “We HAVE to do this. We’re strong, they’re weak. We need to show how powerful we are.”
“That’s my boy!” cheered Sauron.
“Sheesh, no wonder Shocker Rift parted company with Vortech,” I muttered, “you’re sounding LIKE him.” Sauron gave us another zapping.
“There’s never enough pain before you shut up, is there?!” he growled.
“Oh, trust me,” I gasped, “I’m in enough pain looking at you! Why are you still working for Hiro?!”
“To dull my pain of looking at you,” snarled Sauron, “needing other people to prop you up! You were so close, at one point, to realizing power, but let that box dissuade you!” A screen then turned on and displayed what happened after our first encounter with Vortech, the argument, X-PO revealing why he opened rifts to various universes, and my breaking down in tears in regret for keeping the real reason of our dimensional travels secret from Batman, Wyldstyle, Hongo, and Gandalf. I turned my head in shame as Colleen looked at me in disbelief.
“You lot never told us new guys that!” she protested.
“I WANTED to tell you guys,” I mumbled, “but I was outvoted. The other members didn’t want your image of us ‘sullied’, as Richard put it.”
“You see?” remarked Sauron. “Holding power over your underlings makes you stronger! They knew that!”
“They’re NOT my underlings!” I argued. “They’re my friends!”
“A ruler has no time for friends!” countered Sauron. “A ruler does not reveal their secrets to those beneath them! A ruler needs no equals!”
“We’ll see!” I hissed.
“No, WE’LL see!” replied the Riddler as he pointed to himself and his allies. “You and your friends will be corpses we have taxidermied and hung up in our base’s throne room! They’ll be interesting conversation pieces at parties!”
“As long as we’re in high society,” joked Haitao. “I take it you’re here for Death’s Source?”
“Rob me of a potential riddle, will you?” hissed the Riddler. “Oh well, I’ll just go for the next one. What takes the color associated with water, encompasses itself, and is a key to unlock an apocalypse?”
“…No!” breathed Death. “No, you couldn’t have!” Sauron pulled out a blue crystal sphere the size of his fist.
“We did,” confirmed Sauron. “Behold, Death, your Source!” He then laughed. “Vengeance is sweet! However, I AM magnanimous in victory. Megumi, we all know how much you ‘heroes’ like to give speeches about how light will conquer darkness in the end, so I will allow you to make such a speech. Choose your words well.” Colleen then got a twinkle in her eyes.
“Er, Mr. Nygma,” she called. “You don’t mind a riddle, do you?”
“I’m called the Riddler for a reason,” replied the Riddler.
“Riddle me this: after the source is taken by you,” quizzed Colleen, “what will you do with us?”
“Easy!” cheered the Riddler. “We’ll keep you here as our prisoners and then, after taking this universe for our own, we’ll finally kill you! You’ll understand, in your last few seconds alive, how stupid you were to defeat us! Oh, we won’t stop there! With Octavio’s mind-control tech, we can conquer the surrounding universes! All of this, and we’ll be satisfied in the knowledge that you’ll no longer defeat us! THAT is our vengeance! That…that is…WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IDIOTS LAUGHING AS MUCH AS THE JOKER?!” Hook, line, and sinker! He gave away the entire plan! The reason we were laughing was because the motive behind all of this was laughable.
“Two years,” I remarked. “It’s been two years since my respective encounters with you and Sauron.”
“So?” quizzed Sauron.
“THIS is what you decided to do for two years,” I continued, “when you guys could have done anything else! You could have used your fleet to conquer your respective universes! Maybe conquer the neighboring universes there! But, no! The only thing you idiots want is revenge!” I sighed in pity. “Revenge, the most WORTHLESS of causes! You two are obsessed with me more than Hiro because I had the gall to defend myself and take something you had in your possession! Sauron, I took the Locate Keystone from you, if I recall. And, Riddler, you lost the Palantír to me! It’s amazing that you thought about me all this time when I almost forgot you were under Hiro’s thumb!” That struck a nerve. “Boys, you need to stop fighting over me,” I taunted. “I already have a boyfriend!” Sauron zapped me again. “And it ticks you off,” I managed to get out before Sauron stopped, “that you have to work for someone you considered beneath you! That’s the difference, though. I spend two years of my life LIVING it! Yes, I monitored for you, but I had other things to help stave off the anticipation of Shocker Rift’s next move! I got a job! I go to school! I get new people into the F.N.S! You wanna know why I broke down like that?! Because I felt like I betrayed the trust of my friends. They’re people that helped me become who I am, even the new guys! I don’t pretend that everything in the last two years and in the Vortech Wars didn’t happen! I learn from both mistakes and triumphs to become better, both to myself and to my friends! You?” I chuckled a bit. “You two just become bitter and abusive! You let the past consume you! You drive everyone away because they remind you of some failure! You isolate yourself and never gain friends!”
“A ruler needs no friends!” shouted Sauron. “All a ruler needs is people to obey them!”
“No, what you mean is you think you only need such people,” I argued, “to fill the void of loneliness in your heart because everyone else is good and decent and kind! You, gentlemen, are a**holes! It just enrages you to see someone in a command position enjoy the company of friends because you can’t accept that you idiots are just complete jerkwads! Two years after fighting and bad guys and heartbreak and loss, I HAVE been looking back on it all. While you would dwell on the failures you suffered within two years, I just can’t wait to see what the next two years will bring!”
“TWO YEARS?!” shrieked the Riddler. “You’re not gonna have two minutes! I give you guys a fully-charged electroshock therapy treatment and Death will have to claim you! How do you think you can stop us?!”
“For one thing,” replied Turretorg, “you forgot about X-PO.”
“The robot?” quizzed Kaito.
“The robot,” confirmed Death.
“No, we didn’t!” burbled Octavio. “After Kaito, the Riddler, and Sauron arrived and broke me out of my second prison two years ago, they took Jason, making him Agent 7, and got him to study the robot’s schematics so he could disable him quickly.”
“Yeah, the thing is,” I countered, “the Doctor made sure that, if the transmitter were damaged first, the self-repair circuits would fix that first before anything else. Wanna know how long it takes to fix that?”
“About a half hour,” called X-PO’s voice.
“What the?!” spluttered Octavio. “What’s going on?! WHERE MAH BEATS?!”
“And DJ Octavio has failed!” taunted X-PO’s voice. Just then, one of the machine’s fists opened up and grabbed Octavio, tossing him out! It then made the “Devil” sign. “DJ X-PO IN DA HOUSE!” cheered the machine in X-PO’s voice. We managed to undo our ropes as X-PO attacked the Octarians trying to stop us. The New Squidbeak Splatoon turned to Octavio.
“Never mind him!” shouted Kaito as he equipped a Sengoku Driver and took out a Lockseed with a bunch of bananas on it. He pressed the button on the side and the arm popped up.
“BANANA!” called the Lockseed. A zipper in the air then opened and let a metal banana float above Kaito.
“Henshin,” announced Kaito. He then inserted the Lockseed into the Sengoku Driver and closed it.
“Lock on!” called the belt. It then played European trumpet music before he sliced the Lockseed open with the Driver’s knife. “Come on!” challenged the belt. The banana then landed around his head as a red undersuit with silver trim appeared around him.
“BANANA-BANA-BANANA?!” squawked an Orc.
“Baron da!” (That’s Baron to you!) called Kaito.
“Banana Arms!” announced the belt as the banana unfolded so the ends became shoulder pads and part of the side became chest armor. His helmet looked like a knight’s helm with a pair of horns. “Knight of spear!” sang the belt as his weapon appeared. It was a lance that evoked a peeled banana. Given that he corrected an Orc, I’d say he was Kamen Rider Baron.
“Henshin!” we called. Colleen’s belt announced, “Open! Turn! Imagine! The Hammer of Slam!” as we became our Kamen Rider personas. Catchphrase time!
“Kamen Rider Death! You cannot delay your appointment with me!”
“Kamen Rider Royal! Evil will ultimately bow to me!”
“Kamen Rider Zhànshì! Try and stop my quest!”
“Kamen Rider Clash! A duel with me shall end in your defeat!”
“Kamen Rider Herald B! I bring news of your defeat!”
“Kamen Rider Slam! I’ll be bringing the pain!”
“I am Turretorg, the invincible siege weapon!”
“I’m X-PO! I’ve calculated 979 ways to defeat you! Let’s go for 28!” With that, X-PO crossed his new hands in front of him. “Priority 7-Alpha, Sea-bass drop!”
“Uh oh!” gulped Octavio.
“Uh oh what?” demanded Sauron. Octavio then did something never witnessed in the games, he shifted to his humanoid form! He looked like a Japanese Lord.
“MEAN LASER!” he shouted. X-PO uncrossed his new hands and fired his laser. Everyone got out of the way…even us! We were right in its path!
“Sorry!” called X-PO.
“STICK TO THE FISTS!” I shouted. Sauron and the Riddler double-teamed me, keeping me from helping the others out. Turretorg fired a barrage of missiles at the Orcs and Octolings, the Octolings giving him a little more difficulty as they turned into octopi and swam in their ink. The New Squidbeak Splatoon, regretfully, kept the others at bay. “Guys, come on!” I protested to the Splatoon. “You don’t wanna do this!”
“We don’t have a choice,” replied Marie. She leveled her Charger (sniper rifle) at me and fired. I got out of the way, smacking into Sauron’s mace. His swing knocked me back a couple of meters. Baron managed to score a few hits on X-PO’s new body with that lance of his. The machine then fell as the lights went off.
“X-PO!” called Herald B.
“I’m alright!” called X-PO’s voice as his original body’s eye switched on. He then activated a new function the 4th Doctor installed, similar to K-9’s, a stun blaster! He gathered energy into his eye and fired a purple bolt of light at Octavio. The Octarian King managed to shrug it off. “Damn, STILL not at full power!” swore X-PO. Agent 8 then leapt onto him.
“I still am!” she hissed as she drew a wrench. Just then, Slam swung her hammer into 8’s head. “Nice try, bone bag!” laughed 8 as she landed on her feet. She then started stumbling. “Actually, remove the sarcasm,” she mumbled. “It WAS a nice try. Why is the room spinning?” She then collapsed.
“BELLA! NO!” shouted Jason. He and Marie then rushed to 8’s side. Callie swung her Roller (rolling paintbrush weapon) at Clash but Clash managed to roll out of the way only to encounter Baron’s attack as he used the Sengoku Driver’s knife to slice the Lockseed three times.
“BANANA SPARKING!” announced the belt as Baron thrust the tip of his lance into the ground, causing bananas to pop out of the ground and strike Clash. Sauron and the Riddler had managed to knock me to the floor and leveled their weapons at me as I leveled my sword.
“Do you think you’re fast enough,” taunted Sauron, “to put us down before we kill you?”
“…I have a means of staving off my appointment with Death,” I smirked. I then spun the wheel in the opposite direction of changing armor, making it go two full rotations. “DAI SUPER CHARGE!” I shouted. My armor bulked up and went white with gold trim, then it exploded, revealing gold armor with white tiger patterns. Sauron and the Riddler picked themselves up after being knocked down by my exploding armor.
“What in…?!” spluttered Sauron.
“Kamen Rider Vortex,” I explained, “the form I used to defeat Vortech.” I then went on the offensive, managing to beat back Sauron and the Riddler as Slam swung her hammer into Baron’s leg, causing him to cancel his transformation and grasp his leg in pain. Zhànshì and Claw managed to cut one of Octavio’s head tentacles off and shoved him into his allies. He turned to the New Squidbeak Splatoon.
“Inksquirts!” he bellowed. The agents weren’t listening as they were tending to Bella, Agent 8.
“We have to give her an ink infusion to clear her head!” gulped Jason.
“You idiots! Help us!” shouted Octavio.
“We have to save Bella!” insisted Jason.
“Stop cradling that useless soldier!” ordered Sauron.
“…What did you say?” hissed Jason.
“I said stop cradling that lump of muscle and help your betters!” roared Sauron. Jason looked back at his fellow agents, then glared at Sauron and his allies. He stood up and pulled something out of his back pocket. We couldn’t believe it!
“A Chronicle Driver?!” yelped Claw.
“How did you…?!” I quizzed.
“Sludgiona said she had made more Chronicle Drivers,” explained Slam. “She must have put them onto the scout ships.”
“How would you…?” I inquired.
“She explained she had made more to us new guys,” replied Slam.
“I see,” I remarked.
“What’s the word you guys used to transform?” asked Jason as he fastened the Chronicle Driver to his waist.
“Chronicle Driver!” announced the belt.
“We say ‘Henshin’,” I replied to Jason.
“Thank you,” bid Jason. He then took out an Armor Auto-bio and inserted it into the shelf that popped up from the top. “Henshin!” he announced. He pressed the shelf down as the giant book flipped its pages and spat out armor pieces.
“Open!” called the belt. “Turn! Imagine! The Roller of Turf!” His armor looked a lot like the power armor set of the first game.
“Agents, keep watch over Bella,” directed Jason. “I intend to voice our long-overdue complaints to our ‘masters’.”
“What do you call yourself, Kamen Rider Squidkid?” snarked the Riddler.
“Kamen Rider Turf, actually,” replied Jason. “I shall claim this turf in victory!” He then swung his roller into them. “Don’t you ever…EVER…call Bella useless!”
“You little…!” snarled the Riddler.
“You utter demons!” hissed Turf. “I should have done this two years ago!” He converted his roller into a charger and fired on the villains, causing the Orcs to lose their minds.
“Right, that’s it!” roared Gorshagh from the balcony. He caught the Kiri Zecter. “HEN…!” he didn’t get very far as an Octoling kicked the Zecter out of his hands. “What do you think you’re…?!” shouted Gorshagh.
“TAKE DOWN THE ORCS!” shouted the Octoling. The Octarians then attacked the Orcs. Turf pressed the button on his Chronicle Driver.
“Final Pen Stroke!” called the belt.
“RIDER TURF KICK!” shouted Turf as he leapt into the air and performed a flying kick towards the Villains. They soon picked themselves up.
“Vortex, we need to take them all out in one swoop!” whispered Death.
“I may have a solution!” I declared. “Locate Keystone, activate! Initiate rift detection!” I soon found the rift. Man, it felt good to use the Keystone. “Identify source of rift!” The information beamed into my head. “Haven’t seen him in a while. Locate help from B-3-N-1-0!” Just then, a giant lizard person landed face-first onto the floor. The person picked himself to reveal the black circle with the green hourglass design on his chest. “BEN!” I called. Ben Tennyson, currently as Humungousaur, noticed me as I shouted and grinned.
“Vortex!” he cheered. “Haven’t seen you in a while! What’s new?”
“Orcs invaded the universe we’re in,” I explained. I pointed out their bosses. “Got a place for them?”
“I think Incarcecon can handle a few more inmates,” joked Humungousaur as he slapped on the Omnitrix symbol. He then changed. “FOUR-ARMS!” he announced. He then leapt around the levels, grabbing Orcs and throwing them into the rift he went through. He then grabbed Sauron, the Riddler, Baron, and was about to grab Octavio when Turf stopped him.
“He stays,” he insisted. Four-Arms nodded and tossed the remaining three into the rift.
“Thanks, Ben!” I called.
“Don’t mention it!” replied Four-Arms. “See you later!” He then went through the rift as it shut. An Octoling then gave Marie a bit of ink and Marie injected it into Bella, sighing in relief as she checked her over.
“Okay,” she sighed, “she’s stable and should be good for getting her to a hospital.”
“We’ll take her,” replied Pearl. She and Marina picked Bella up and carried her out of the area to a hospital.
“Listen, everyone,” sighed Turf, “about all of this…I’m sorry.”
“You’re not the only one needing to apologize to Megumi,” muttered Slam, feeling guilty about not telling me about the other Chronicle Drivers.
“Mine first,” I answered. “Colleen, I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to not tell you about an event in our past. It was wrong of me to not give you the full details about the Vortech Wars. I was wrong. I don’t know if I can make it up to you and…I understand if this makes you want to part company with the Feudal Nerd Society.”
“I understand your logic,” replied Slam, “but I don’t see myself leaving just yet. Why don’t we all leave our regrets here?”
“I have to say, today was FULL of regrets,” mused X-PO.
“Comes with any anniversary, especially a war’s anniversary,” replied Turretorg.
“Maybe…” suggested Claw, “maybe we should focus more on forgiveness.”
“Forgiveness isn’t handed out,” I answered, “it’s earned. Colleen, if you’ll let me, I’d like to work to earn yours.”
“Let me work to earn yours, then we’ll talk,” replied Slam.
“Agreed,” I affirmed. Just then, someone fired over our heads! Octavio was clutching his sides and holding a blaster!
“FORGIVENESS?!” he roared. “YOU DOLTS ARE PATHETIC! FORGIVENESS IS A WEAKNESS! YOU ALL NEED TO REALIZE THAT THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS LOOKING OUT FOR NUMBER ONE!”
“And yet,” I observed, “you’re the one without an empire to back you up.” I was talking about the Octarians leveling their weapons at him. Octavio looked around, then fired a few shots to scare his people off and scurried up a ladder, dropping the Source. “Come on!” I called.
“Let him go,” replied Marina.
“But he’s gonna escape!” I urged.
“I think there’s little chance of that,” assured Marina.
“…Why?” I quizzed. Octavio then screamed in frustration.
“Captain Cuttlefish placed a giant snow globe over the exit,” explained Marina.
“…The globe again?” I muttered.
Bella had made a full recovery and helped us reveal the names of Agents 3 and 4. Agent 3 was Colin and Agent 4 was Samantha. Unfortunately, the crew of the Tarlaxian scout ship was already taken by Shocker Rift. We were back in our Splatoon disguises. Pearl and Marina were back doing Off the Hook for Inkopolis Square. “So, with all the craziness going on,” Pearl was saying, “the final Splatfest had to be cancelled.”
“Now, with the Orcs gone and the Octarians’ good name being cleared,” continued Marina, “the final Splatfest can go on. It’s going to take a week, though, before any match can begin. Yes, you heard right, the matches will be back on in a week.”
“Until then, Grizzco is still hiring!” supplied Pearl. “I can’t believe our last gig went so smoothly, Marina!”
“Yeah, especially because we worked a Salmon Run shift instead of rehearsing!” replied Marina.
“And that’s all the time we got!” finished Pearl. “Until next time…” Marina then joined Pearl in posing and saying their catchphrase.
“Don’t get cooked, stay off the hook!” they cheered. The screen went back to its usual ads.
“I guess things will be back to normal soon,” chuckled Callie.
“As normal as our lives are,” remarked Marie.
“Thanks for the last minute assist,” I bid to Jason.
“You’re welcome,” replied Jason. “I just wish I saw sense earlier.”
“You’re not evil,” I assured. “You wouldn’t have a Chronicle Driver if you were.”
“You just need a little guidance in handling it,” continued Colleen.
“What are you saying?” asked Jason.
“Wanna come with us?” I offered. “Wander the multiverse with us for a while and see if you wanna be a member of the Feudal Nerd Society?”
“…No secrets this time?” quizzed Jason.
“No secrets this time,” I assured.
“Then let’s do it!” cheered Jason as he twirled Death’s Source on his finger like a basketball.
“Vorton, this is Megumi,” I called into my communicator. “Mission accomplished! We have Death’s Source, have a new ally with us, and are ready for pickup!”
“Good to hear, Megumi,” replied a voice. It didn’t belong to anyone on the Vorton team. I finally got it after a few seconds.
“Doctor?!” I yelped.
“Hello!” answered the 13th Doctor’s voice.
“What the heck are you doing on Vorton?” I quizzed.
“The Gateway Operators called me and filled me in on your current adventure,” explained the Doctor. “My reason for being here on Vorton is something that seems unrelated to your crisis. I’ll fill you in when you get here.” A portal opened for us.
“It’s gonna be a little…buzzy,” I warned Jason.
“…Buzzy?” asked Jason as he followed us. He soon got what I meant when I said “buzzy”. We arrived back on Vorton before the others. “…Yeah, ‘buzzy’ is an apt description!” mumbled the Inkling as he rubbed his arms. “Feels like my cells are vibrating!”
“Hello!” called a voice. The Doctor then came up, still wearing that grey coat.
“Good to see you again, Doctor,” I greeted. “You said Elphaba’s team called you in?”
“They did,” confirmed the Doctor. “Let me show you.” She motioned for us to follow her to the medical ward. Lying on a bed was a young blonde woman. She seemed to be busy examining her hands.
“Who is she?” I asked.
“She looks a lot like one of my previous companions, Rose Tyler,” replied the Doctor, “but that doesn’t make sense. During an adventure involving both Daleks AND Cybermen, she became trapped in a parallel universe. Now, she lives her life with a human version of my 10th incarnation.”
“So, is THIS Rose Tyler a clone?” I quizzed.
“That’s what I initially thought,” answered the Doctor. “However, if she is, she’s the most perfect clone ever. Usually, when a clone is artificially aged, there are telltale genetic markers to indicate such a thing had happened. However, she doesn’t have those.”
“Then, is the Rose you traveled with a clone?” I asked.
“I checked the TARDIS medical records,” replied the Doctor, “and the Rose I traveled with IS the real deal.”
“A traveler from a parallel universe, then?” I suggested.
“I don’t really have a frame of reference for that,” mused the Doctor as she tapped her chin.
“I might help in that regard,” called X-PO. “Let me connect with the equipment. There should be telltale signs of her being from a parallel universe.” X-PO hooked up to the medical scanners and ran through the data. It took a few minutes. When he finished, he crossed his arms. “Huh,” he muttered. “Nothing.”
“Is there ANYTHING to go on?” I quizzed, getting desperate for answers.
“There ARE stray energy particles I haven’t been able to identify,” replied the Doctor, “but those may be from the energy weapon that was fired on her.”
“Is she injured?” I gasped.
“No,” assured the Doctor, “but look at the rags she’s wearing. Some of the damage WASN’T from going through the rift unprotected and I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt in that she’s NOT insane enough to burn parts of her clothes herself.”
“I suppose the next thing to do,” I declared, “is to ask her.” I approached her and she took notice of me. “Hello,” I greeted with a bit of uncertainty in my voice. “My name is Megumi Hishikawa. What’s your name?”
“…I can’t…remember a lot,” replied the Rose clone.
“What DO you remember?” I asked.
“I remember…names,” answered the Rose clone. “I remember being in a lot of pain. I remember…my temperature increasing for a bit. I don’t recall how I got here.”
“Do you have any means of identification?” I inquired.
“I think I’m…Rose Tyler, right?” asked the clone.
“That’s what we’re trying to figure out,” replied the Doctor. “You see, I travelled with Rose Tyler for a long time.”
“…You?” quizzed the clone.
“Yes, me,” confirmed the Doctor. “I’m the Doctor.”
“…Doctor…” muttered the clone. I noticed a hint of distaste for the word before she went back to examining her hands. “Who…WHAT am I?” she asked.
“For now,” I answered, “you’re our guest and…this is your home.” The clone looked around the place to get a good look at her surroundings.
“…Home,” she repeated. I excused myself at that point and contacted the other teams, informing them of what happened.
We had landed in the Splatoon universe, ready to find the source. “Minna, be careful,” I cautioned. “In this universe, rising sea levels killed off the humans and allowed sea creatures to evolve to survive the land. The squids became Inklings while the octopi became Octarians with Octolings nearer to the head of the Octarian Hierarchy. Inklings generally have two tentacular clubs for hair while Octolings have four tentacles with their suckers facing out. We’re supposed to be dead, so we stick to the shadows.”
“Actually,” interjected Sophie’s voice, “I don’t think that’s necessary.”
“What makes you say that?” I quizzed.
“Remember Pestilence’s lecture on Multiversal Translations?” recalled Sophie.
“The thing where you would turn into a life-form that the foreign universe would accept within itself?” I inquired. I then realized where Sophie was going with this. I felt around the top of my head and realized that it wasn’t hair on top. It felt more like a squid’s skin. I ran my hand down an extension and held it up to my face to see a squid’s tentacular club. It was black, like my hair. “Do…I have an eye-mask?” I quizzed.
“Yep,” replied Sophie’s voice. I turned to see that she had changed into an Octoling whose tentacles were white. Colleen was a brown tentacled Inkling, Livia was a blue tentacled Inkling, Haitao was a black tentacled Inkling, Sheela was a black tentacled Octoling, Turretorg was a brown tentacled Inkling, X-PO was a grey tentacled Inkling, and Death was a white tentacled Octoling with a black hoodie over her tentacles. X-PO had NO balance whatsoever. I guess that’s what happens when you shapeshift from a flying box to a bipedal creature.
“How do you guys walk around with these things?!” he snapped.
“It takes a bit before we actually walk,” I explained. “In any case, you need help. Put your arm around my shoulder. Colleen, help me out here.” X-PO got his new arms around our shoulders as we helped him walk on two legs. After about an hour, he tried walking without aid. It took him two more hours to master it but he soon walked as I did. He could then focus on working with three extra digits on each hand since he usually had pincer-style claws. After X-PO got used to his new body, we entered a new area, a small shopping square of sorts. Inklings and Octolings were conducting their business, paying us no heed as we looked around. A big screen just flashed various advertisements for the shops there. “If I have it right,” I observed, “I’d say we’re in Inkopolis Square.”
“I was hoping we’d arrive at Inkopolis Plaza,” sighed Colleen. “The Square feels a little claustrophobic.”
“Then let’s find Death’s Source and get out of here,” I declared.
“Hey!” called a voice. An Inkling boy with green tentacles in a spiky hairstyle ran up to us. “You guys don’t look like you’re from around here,” he observed.
“We’re not,” I confirmed. “We’re just passing through.”
“Do you, at least, have a map?” quizzed the Squid/Kid.
“Well, no,” I admitted.
“Then Jason Ikamesh,” declared the Inkling as he pointed to himself, “accepts the burden of being your guide!”
“What?!” I yelped.
“I know,” remarked the kid, Jason, “it will be a tiresome duty, but I accept your offer with pride!”
“What offer?!” snapped Colleen, her accent getting thicker.
“No, please, no need to give a way out!” answered Jacob as if we had asked him to help us in the first place. “I accept the burden with…!”
“Kid, will you get out of here?!” snarled X-PO as he shoved Jason aside. “I don’t know what your deal is, but we never asked for a guide and we don’t need one! Our business is our own!” I then had a horrible flashback from the Vortech Wars, after Lord Vortech handed our butts to us in 1895 Hill Valley.
“X-PO, hold on,” I interjected. “We don’t know the area as well as he does. We NEED a guide. While I don’t appreciate the attitude he gave,” Jason gulped, “we need his help. Jason, we accept your offer to be our guide. In future, though, just ask. Don’t force it on someone.”
“Gotcha,” replied Jason. “So, where shall we start? The Crust Bucket? Ammo Knights? Headspace? The Deca Tower?”
“Hang on,” interrupted Haitao. “What’s with the screen?” He was talking about the screen on the tower, Deca Tower. An Inkling girl with short, white tentacles appeared on it, sitting in a moon-chair. She was holding a crown in her hands and her gold eyes had plus-shaped pupils. This was Pearl, one of the characters of Splatoon 2 and, right now, she looked sad.
“Hey, everyone,” she mumbled.
“Why is our Princess sad?” wondered Jason.
“As you may have heard,” continued Pearl, “Turf Wars have been cancelled until further notice. The reason is that strange monsters called Orcs are roaming the Turf Battlefields.”
“Orcs?” gulped Livia, remembering the last time she saw one.
“The Orcs have been taking prisoners,” Pearl went on, “two of which are the famous Squid Sisters. A more recent kidnapping was…was…” she sniffled and wiped her eyes before continuing, “was Marina Ida.” Gasps resounded around the square. “Right now,” Pearl continued, “the police have had no effect against the Orcs, nor have the military. Until these creatures are beaten back, all Turf War matches are cancelled.” She sniffled again. “Oh, Cod, Marina, I wish you’re…” the screen shut off to let Pearl cry in private.
“If the Orcs are here,” I guessed, “Sauron can’t be far behind. We need to find out where they’re coming from.”
“I’ve seen them,” offered Jason. “They’ve been coming out of Octo Valley.”
“…You’ve seen them?” I quizzed.
“I was wandering around Inkopolis Plaza,” explained Jason. “They attacked the place from a manhole near Inkopolis Tower. I only barely escaped. That was about two years ago.”
“The Orcs have been in this world for two years?” I gulped. “Isn’t there anyone with inter-dimensional tech to call for help here?!”
“It might only be two minutes by our time-scale,” remarked Colleen. “Remember, not all universes run at the same amount of time as ours. Some might be slower than slugs, others may be as fast as lightning.”
“Lacey’s recent lecture,” recalled Livia.
“The fact remains,” I countered, “Sauron’s forces have stayed here for too long. Jason, which way to Inkopolis Square?”
“This way, about 20 minutes,” replied Jason. “I’d offer the train but the Plaza’s station is closed.” He led us through the streets.
After about 20 minutes, dodging Orcs that wandered on our path, we arrived to see Inkopolis Plaza, the main hub of the first Splatoon game. Orcs had taken it over, turning it into a camp similar to the ones in Mordor. “Okay, we’ve seen it,” gulped Jason. “Now, let’s get…!”
“Let’s get them out of here,” growled Turretorg.
“Agreed,” I concurred. “Death, X-PO, will the translations be cancelled if we transform?”
“They will,” answered Death. “So, Jason will be seeing humans for the first time.”
“Just not the real me and Turretorg,” continued X-PO.
“In that case, you two hang back,” I directed.
“Why us?!” protested Turretorg.
“Because you can’t turn your arms into cannons and don’t have the missile launcher nipples,” answered Colleen.
“Fine, fine,” grumbled Turretorg. They hung back while we approached the Orc Camp.
“All right, Orcs!” I called, getting their attention. “You can start running back to Mordor, crying all the while! We’re here to stop you!” The Orcs, predictably, laughed.
“Run home, Stinklings!” jeered the Orc Captain.
“I think I see an Octo…” interjected another Orc.
“SHUT UP!” roared the Orc Captain. He then stepped forward. “Look, unless you’re here to discuss your world’s surrender, you’re just gonna be another prisoner here. We don’t have time for idiots to play hero.” I then got a good look at the Orc Captain’s face.
“You…look familiar,” I muttered.
“You probably saw me on the news,” remarked the Orc Captain.
“Er, Captain,” gulped a wimpier-looking Orc.
“Not now,” dismissed the Orc Captain.
“But, Captain,” stammered the newer Orc.
“What part of ‘not now’,” growled the Orc Captain, “did you not understand?!”
“Captain Gorshagh, I really must…!” insisted the new Orc. Wait, I know that name!
“I SAID NOT…!” roared the Orc Captain.
“Kiri!” I shouted. The Orc Captain, Gorshagh, turned towards me.
“…What?” he asked.
“That’s what I was trying to tell you!” explained the wimpier Orc. “They’re NOT native to this universe! Unlike us, they were translated!”
“Give me that pad!” snarled Gorshagh. He shoved the hapless Orc aside as he took the pad and scrolled through it. As he found the relevant data, his eyes went wide. He then gave his full attention to me. “…No!” he breathed.
“Hello, it’s me,” I giggled. “Megumi Hishikawa. When last we met, I was a princess that could only reach a mid-season upgrade. Wanna see a Queen’s Final Form?”
“YOU WON’T GET THE CHANCE!” roared Gorshagh. He stuck his arm up into the air as his Zecter flew into his hand. “HENSHIN!” he shouted. He then slid the Zecter, head first, into his belt buckle.
“Henshin,” repeated the Zecter. His bulky armor then appeared. Kamen Rider Kiri was back! He leveled his arm guns at us.
“Catch us if you can!” I taunted. “BREAK OFF!” Everyone ran out of range and equipped their respective belts, prompting a lot of them to announce, “Vortex Driver!” in their masculine tones while Colleen’s announced, “Chronicle Driver!” in its feminine tone. Colleen then pressed a hidden button on the belt and took out a small book, her Armor Auto-bio. The belt popped a shelf upwards for the book to rest on. The rest of us inserted our i.d tags. Colleen struck her pose after inserting her Armor Auto-bio.
“HENSHIN!” we all called. We Vortex Riders spun the wheels on our belts while Colleen pushed the shelf down and Death rotated the skull to an upright position.
“Death!” announced her belt.
“Open!” called Colleen’s belt. “Turn! Imagine! The Hammer of Slam!” A book opened behind her and spat out her armor pieces, evoking a Gaelic soldier, as a blue mist changed her dress into an undersuit. The armor and helmet then attached themselves to her as her hammer materialized in the air near her right. She grabbed it and joined the fray as Kamen Rider Slam! We avoided the shots Kiri was firing from his arm mounted guns.
“Too slow!” he snarled to himself. He then pulled the Zecter’s arms away a tad, allowing his armor to his and come away slightly. “Cast off!” he ordered. He then pulled the arms all the way back.
“Cast off!” repeated the Zecter. His armor flew off to reveal his slimmer Rider form. “Change Mantis!” announced the Zecter.
“Now THERE’S an idea!” called Slam. She took out an Armor Bio and replaced her personal one with it. She then closed the shelf and another giant book appeared behind her.
“Open! Turn! Imagine! The Speed of Kabuto, Rider Form!” called the Chronicle Driver.
“Cast off! Change Beetle!” announced the Kabuto Zecter’s voice. Slam’s armor changed to evoke Kamen Rider Kabuto.
“Clock Up!” she ordered.
“Clock Up!” shouted Kiri.
“Clock Up!” announced the voices of two Zecters. They both disappeared. The rest of us continued fighting the other Orcs. I then took out another i.d. tag and swapped my own for the new one.
“Gandalf Steel!” called my belt as the wardrobe changed my armor to evoke the Grey Wizard. I used magic to flashbang the Orcs so the others could get clean hits on them.
“Clock Over!” the voices of two Zecters finished as Kiri and Slam came back with Kiri holding his arm. Slam then swapped the Kabuto Armor Bio for her own.
“Open! Turn! Imagine! The Hammer of Slam!” called her belt. She then pressed the button on top. “Final Pen Stroke!” announced her belt.
“Rider Slam Kick!” called Slam as she leapt into the air and performed a flying kick to Kiri’s face. Kiri was knocked silly as the Kiri Zecter flew out of his belt, revealing Gorshagh. We all looked around to see nothing but unconscious Orcs on the ground of Inkopolis Plaza.
“Good work, guys,” I praised as we cancelled our transformations. “We should probably hide ourselves again. Drivers off.” We took our belts off. “Honestly,” I continued, “I never got the chance to turn into a squid. This could be fun!”
“Er, Megumi,” gulped Colleen. I didn’t pay attention.
“I think I’m gonna visit a tentacle stylist,” I figured aloud. “I liked the shorter tentacular clubs offered in the second game.”
“Megumi, I think you should.” interjected Sophie.
“Maybe we should try out some Turf…!” I continued.
“MEGUMI!” shouted Haitao.
“What is it?!” I snapped only to see that Haitao didn’t turn back into an Inkling. I gave everyone a glance to see that none of us were Inklings or Octolings. “Er, Death,” I quizzed, “what’s going on? Why aren’t we humanoid cephalopods again? Our species isn’t exactly around in this universe. We need to…”
“FRIENDS!” boomed Turretorg’s voice. He came running up to us in his usual shape carrying X-PO’s usual body in his arms. “X-PO’s been attacked!” revealed Turretorg. X-PO was severely damaged! Death pulled back her left sleeve to scroll through her smart-watch, fearing the worst. She then sighed in relief.
“He’s not dead,” she assured us. “Something screwed with his power distribution circuits. He’s damaged but, thankfully, his core memory and mind ARE intact. They’re just in a protective lockdown until the damage can be repaired. Thank goodness the Doctor and her previous incarnations installed self-repair functions and circuits into him after Shocker Rift attacked Vorton.”
“I thought they installed a transmitter so he could beam himself into the nearest electronic device that could store him,” recalled Livia. “Why didn’t he transfer out of that body?”
“The Doctor DID say an empty shell would make the self-repair work go faster,” I supplied.
“Whatever did this went for his transmitter first,” answered Death. “It’s shot. He couldn’t transfer out if he wanted to. Let’s get him…” She didn’t get far as electricity ripped through all of us, stunning us and knocking us unconscious.
I stepped out of Spyke’s old alleyway, holding a small remote in my hand. The Orcs were picking themselves up, some shoving others off of them. Gorshagh caught sight of me. “Took you long enough!” he barked.
“It needed to charge,” I replied. I then called up someone on my squidphone. The person picked up. “Good work, Agent 8,” I called. “The Stunner only affected our targets, not the Orcs.”
“Look,” replied Agent 8, “are you SURE we should do this?” Gorshagh heard that and curled his lips into a snarl.
“If we had a choice, we’d say no,” I answered Agent 8. “But, like I just said, we don’t have a choice. Tell our bosses we’re ready. The Orcs and I will bring the Vortex Riders and their allies to Octo Valley. Agent 7 out.” I ended the call.
“Smart move, Jason,” chuckled Gorshagh. He then turned to the other Orcs. “GET THEM TO CAMP, MAGGOTS!” he bellowed. The Orcs picked up our targets and we headed down the manhole to Octo Valley.
I groaned as I stirred awake. “What hit me?” I winced.
“I did,” replied Jason as he stepped out of the shadows. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to do this.” It was then I noticed I was still human and now tied up in ropes.
“Okay, bondage isn’t exactly my kink!” I hissed. “What’s going on here?! …YOU knocked us out?”
“…Yes,” sighed Jason.
“Why did you do that after we stomped Gorshagh’s unit?” I inquired as everyone else, aside from X-PO, much to my worry, woke up.
“THEY asked me to do this,” replied Jason cryptically. “I couldn’t say ‘no’. I owe them.”
“Owe who?” asked Livia. “Who are you talking about?”
“My four bosses,” answered Jason. “OUR four bosses.” Just then, his accomplices stepped forward. A female Octoling; Agent 8, Pearl, a taller female Octoling with black tentacles and teal tips; Marina, a female Inkling with smaller tentacular clubs; Agent 4, a male Inkling with his tentacles tied into a ponytail; Agent 3, a female Inkling in a kimono that Enka singers used to wear with her tentacles tied in a diagonal bow so the clubs pointed to her left shoulder; Marie of the Squid Sisters, and a female Inkling with long tentacles tied in a bow; Marie’s cousin and fellow Squid Sister, Callie all appeared out of the shadows.
“Wait, the Squid Sisters of all people are in on this?!” yelped Livia.
“I can’t pretend to understand any of this,” remarked Death.
“We HAD to,” replied Marie, sadly. “We had no choice.”
“Who would want all this? Octavio?!” I interrogated.
“You’re a quarter of the way there,” burbled a voice. A giant flying machine with two fists floated in. Inside it was a pool of purple Octarian ink and a DJ’s turntable. The one piloting it was a giant red-violet Octopus with glowing green eyes and blue surrounding the pupil, a green x-scar on one of the tentacles folded across the front, and a large, gold, kabuto style helmet. There were a lot of wasabi stalks in the machine, flanking the Octopus. This was DJ Octavio, the Octarian King. A human then approached us. He dressed in black with red highlights and was of Japanese descent. I remember him from Hiroki talking about Kamen Rider Gaim. He was the secondary rider, Kaito Kumon. Another human appeared, dressed in green, wearing a bowler hat, and a green eye-mask with a gold cane topped with a question mark. I remembered him, the Riddler. One last human approached. Actually, I shouldn’t say human. From what I recall from Gandalf, this one was NOT human. His helmet was off, revealing a raven-haired man with an icy handsomeness, but the armor and helmet were very distinctive, as was the gold ring on his finger. It was the Master of the Orcs, the Dark Lord of Mordor, Sauron!