Kamen Rider Construct! Let’s do this Texas style!
Tag: dell conagher
Bio:
This Team Fortress 2 Engineer is neither RED nor BLU. The respective Engineers of both teams made him during a crisis involving Overwatch’s Talon and had him join up with Richard and his team. He still remembers his experiences from both of his original RED and BLU clones. I could go on about him, but this can explain things better than I could.
Because of his individual nature, he joined the F.N.S as Kamen Rider Construct, armed with his trusty wrench and various machines. Why the machines? Mr. Conagher, would you mind explaining it to them?
“How go repairs?” I asked Liam as I arrived on the Virginia’s bridge.
“I really wish you’d stop asking that every two minutes!” he hissed. “We still don’t know the extent of the damage!”
“…Very well,” I sighed. Emily finally caught up to me.
“Rest! Now! Doctor’s orders!” she snapped. I opened my mouth to protest but she grabbed my arm and dragged me to the Virginia’s sick bay. “Now lay down!” she ordered as she pointed to the bed.
“I can’t do that!” I insisted. “Not while Hiro’s doing god-knows-what to the Sources while on Foundation Prime!”
“You can’t command a damn thing while crashing into walls!” argued Emily. “This whole thing is stress-related and, as the resident doctor, I’m prescribing rest!” I didn’t move. “…Look, I get that Hiro managed to snatch victory from us,” she sighed, “and I get that you feel responsible, but we can’t exactly achieve victory if you’re fighting fatigue. Now, please, get some rest.” I stayed for a minute, then sighed before finally lying down.
I breathed a sigh of relief when she shut her eyes. “Majel, make sure she gets, at least, an hour of rest,” I ordered.
“Alarm set for one hour,” reported Majel. “By the way, Hiroki’s on the bridge.”
“I’ll meet him,” I replied. I headed off to the bridge and found him working on the Communications console on the lower level. I headed down and cleared my throat. That got his attention.
“Where’s Megumi?” he asked.
“Taking a much-needed nap in Sick Bay,” I reported. “She’s been stressing out about this whole thing that she’s practically crashing into walls.”
“Not surprised,” muttered Hiroki. “She’s not too happy with what X-PO did either.”
“Did this ever happen before you came to America?” I asked.
“Once, in school,” replied Hiroki. “She said something that could have been put into better words to a friend and almost lost that friend. Her studies weren’t at their usual best during the time she stressed about it.”
“Her friends are her power,” I guessed.
“If you want to use an anime trope, then yeah,” confirmed Hiroki. “Anything that risks the bond, she freaks out about it. Hence the emotional collapse after Hill Valley. She felt guilty for fracturing that bond. Now, she feels betrayed that the same mistake has been made.”
“Well, stressing about it won’t do her any good right now,” I affirmed. Just then, Liam came up.
“What’s up?” asked Hiroki.
“Right now, the amount of studs needed to fix this thing,” replied Liam. “The warp core needs restabilizing, the threshold between exterior and interior dimensions is just being held together with the equivalent of duct tape, the weapons need shoring up…”
“Give us the short version,” interjected Hiroki. “Can this be fixed in any reasonable time?” Liam winced before shaking his head. “…Damn,” sighed Hiroki.
“I’m sorry, guys,” muttered Liam, “but the damage Heather gave us was only patched up. The repairs were just supposed to hold until we could get it to a decent shipyard. That recent fight really stressed the Virginia to the point of it not going anywhere until it’s fully fixed. Flying this thing now will only serve to turn it into our tomb.”
“All right, thank you, Liam,” I sighed. Tanisha, Chell, and Elphaba beamed onto the bridge after Liam gave his report. “How’s Vorton?” Chell signed her answer.
“Could be better,” translated Tanisha. “Some of the systems are shot.”
“I wouldn’t say it’s ALL bad,” countered Elphaba. “We feared the Gateway’s systems were totally fried, but some functions, like basic life support, are still operational. However, a good chunk of the stabilization programs that require the Keystones to power are hurt a bit and require a fair amount of work.” Chell signed again.
“Not to mention,” translated Tanisha, “the security programs are subpar now, considering the recent invasion. On top of that, power distribution needs work.”
“Maybe…maybe we can reroute power to…” I guessed.
“Chell and Elphaba are being needlessly optimistic!” interrupted Tanisha. “I got the whole damage report from Lukas! This isn’t something we can slap some duct tape on and call it a day! Some of the systems are tied solely to X-PO’s presence on Vorton! With him gone, the seven person limit on the Gateway is back! We ALL can’t go to Foundation Prime without Megumi’s power! Now that things are damaged, trying to bypass them would be next to impossible without X-PO!” Hiroki kicked the pilot’s chair in anger.
“Hey, don’t take it out on them!” I snapped. “NONE of us are happy this happened!”
“He knew we scrambled them!” hissed Hiroki. I only guessed he was talking about Hiro.
“What, Vorton’s new coordinates?” I asked.
“Exactly!” replied Hiroki. “He somehow managed to deduce that we would try to scramble the coordinates if we wanted to be any safer! So he waited until we were vulnerable and so self-assured of our victory! With him having all five Sources now, we don’t stand a…”
“He didn’t know Vorton’s new coordinates until yesterday,” interjected Elphaba.
“…Nani?” asked Hiroki.
“A Tarlaxian ship did some scouting during the space battle,” explained Elphaba. “The only reason he could find us was because we didn’t shield the Sources’ energy signatures properly. He still had a fix on them. Originally, just after the Vortech Wars, he went to Vorton’s old coordinates. He only just found it yesterday.”
“…I repeat, WHAT?!” yelped Hiroki.
“The Sources gave off an energy signature that drew him in like a beacon,” elaborated Tanisha. “He must have kept records on them. We didn’t account for that and didn’t think to shield them.”
“…Megumi will be kicking herself again and stressing out after her nap when she hears about this,” muttered Hiroki.
“Well, not telling her will only make it worse,” I declared. “I’m going to tell her what we’ve discussed.” Hiroki was about to object when I put my finger to his lips. “Doctor’s prerogative,” I hissed. I turned to return to the Sick Bay when Lukas came onto the Bridge, cheering in his native German. “…Okay, what’s got you so happy? And I mean happy in the borderline lunatic asylum sense.”
“Meine Freunde,” (My friends) he began, “Tarlax came through! While After Academy can’t spare any ships, they don’t even have a shipyard, the Tarlaxian fleet that helped us was just a fraction of their full might! Just 1/32nd of the Tarlaxian Imperial Navy!”
“That was over 800 ships that helped us yesterday!” yelped Hiroki.
“They’re making more ships to replace those that were lost,” continued Lukas, “and have a backway into Foundation Prime that can overtake Shocker Rift! At current projections, they’ll be arriving there within three days! We can use our shortcut to get there a day ahead of them!”
“Subarashi!” (Wonderful!) cheered Hiroki. “A chance of victory! Liam, how long will it take to fix the Virginia?!”
“With things as they are and with Tarlaxian Engineers helping me,” mused Liam, “as well as Lukas, Moon-kyung, Lacey, and Dell, five hours at minimum.”
“Get to it!” directed Hiroki. “We need this ship ready for battle soon.”
“Aye,” obliged Liam. He turned to Dell. “All right, let’s… HOO MONY TIMES DAE AH HAE TAE TEEL YE?! TH’ REIT TOOLS FUR TH’ REIT JOB!” He stomped off and told Dell off as they got to work.
“I don’t think I’ve seen him so happy,” I chuckled.
I woke up an hour later. Emily and Hiroki were sitting there with big grins on their faces. “…Did I miss the beatdown on Shocker Rift?” I asked.
“No, it hasn’t happened yet,” replied Hiroki. “Bad news first, we found out how they figured out our position. We didn’t think to shield the Sources, so they tracked it easily.”
“Not to mention, we don’t have the original shortcut since, without X-PO’s presence on Vorton,” continued Emily, “we can only throw seven people there.”
“…Original shortcut?” I asked, picking up on what she said.
“That’s where the good news comes in,” replied Emily as a smile crossed their features. “Shocker Rift is taking the normal, three day route. The Tarlaxians found a way for us to get ahead of them and arrive a day early!”
“They’re also sparing more ships to help us in case we have another space battle,” supplied Hiroki. “We’ll be ready to go in about four hours now.”
“Now THAT’S something to wake up to!” I cheered as I leapt from the bed. “We leave once everything’s ready.”
“Got it!” replied Hiroki as he headed off to relay my decision. I stretched to get rid of any sleepiness. After that, I turned towards the door.
“Ah AH!” called Emily. I stopped in mid-step, my foot still off the floor. There was a bit of a tense moment. “…Okay, you’re cleared for duty,” chuckled Emily.
“Har har,” I grumbled. I then left the Sick Bay and headed off to Main Engineering to find Liam and Dell arguing.
“You’re all hardhat and no cattle!” snapped Dell.
“Cannae ye say anythin’ ‘at ISNAE related tae Texas?!” snarled Liam, his accent coming in thick.
“You just ain’t doing it right!” argued Dell.
“I’ve bin thes ship’s engineer lang afair ye sit fit oan thes hin’!” ranted Liam. “Ah ken whit aam daein’! Ye cannae jist smack th’ weapons systems wi’ a wrench an’ caa it a day!”
“Hey look, buddy, I’m an Engineer. That means I solve problems,” replied Dell. “Not problems like ‘What is beauty?’, because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems. For instance, how am I going to stop some big mean mother-Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind? The answer: use a gun, and if that don’t work, use more gun.” He then indicated the blueprints for the Sentry. “Like this heavy caliber, tripod-mounted, little ol’ number designed by me, BUILT by me, and you’d best hope… not pointed at you.”
“Gentlemen,” I called. The two men yelped and jumped two feet in the air.
“Don’t scare us like that!” protested Dell.
“I trust things are going well?” I asked.
“He’s trying to add Sentries to the outer hull!” snapped Liam. “You can’t achieve that by whacking the weapons systems with a pipe wrench!”
“It’s worked fine as frogs’ hair for me!” snapped Dell.
“Have you ever been on a spaceship before?!” argued Liam.
“Gentlemen!” I shouted. Both men turned to me. “Now is NOT the time. Look, Dell, save the Sentries on the hull until AFTER we beat Shocker Rift. Liam, you DO realize the wrench is coated in self-replicating, self-destructing nanites?”
“How in Sam Hill did you know that?!” yelped Dell.
“Lukas gave me the results of the time he examined the wrench,” I explained.
“…That boy’s more invasive than the Medic!” hissed Dell.
“Kill him later,” I directed. “Look, the nanites are programmed to upgrade any piece of technology when enough metal is absorbed and they’re struck with enough of an impact to shake some off the wrench.”
“They tend to shut off and destroy themselves quietly once they’ve done their job,” continued Dell.
“…Do you even have enough metal to fulfill the kind of upgrades you’re proposing?” asked Liam. Dell opened his mouth…then realized he didn’t.
“Darn,” he muttered.
“Like I said, just focus on getting basics up and running,” I replied.
“All righty then,” answered Dell. He and Liam then went back to work.
“Great Leader Hiro, Sir,” called my Sontaran Adjutant as he brought the people I wanted to meet into my Ready Room, “presenting Ambassador Hell and Metalran, Sir, as instructed.”
“Splendid,” I praised. “That will be all, Tunk.” The Sontaran left and I addressed my former boss and Tarlaxian ally. “So wonderful that you could bolster our numbers back to their original size.”
“We aim to please,” replied Metalran as he bowed.
“Maybe YOU do,” grumbled Ambassador Hell.
“It looks like he does,” I answered. “I know, deep down, you wish to please, so why not…?”
“Before you speak and try to incorrectly guess my motives,” interrupted Ambassador Hell, “let me tell you this: I don’t like the fact that you managed to usurp our Great Leader, I don’t like the fact that you’ve expanded Shocker to ideas above our station, and I don’t like you! You place your emotions above the needs of Shocker! You constantly obsess over a child! You manage to keep us from our goals of conquering our planet! Quite frankly, you are the most inefficient leader Shocker has had and should have stepped down!”
“…Well, since you wish to be unpleasant to me, it’s only fair I’m the same way to you,” I growled. “I don’t like you. You say I obsess over a child when you obsess over one man. You never expand your thoughts to long-term goals, only short-term ones. You say I place my emotions above Shocker’s needs, yet you constantly waste resources to defeating the Kamen Riders. To be blunt, Ambassador, the Great Leader made a mistake in pulling you from our American branch and making you the leader of our armies. Hence my usurping him. Now, if we’re all done being unpleasant with each other, I’d like for us all to get back to work. Dismissed.” The two left the Ready Room and I sat down, wondering what would happen if Ambassador Hell met with an…accident.
The pair of them returned with another Kamen Rider wearing a Chronicle Driver.
“Who’s the new guy?!” I asked. The Engineers pulled me aside.
“Do you know how we keep coming back?” asked the BLU Engineer.
“The BLU Heavy told me you guys are clones,” I answered. “Wait, did you guys make a third Engineer?”
“One that needs the belt more than we do,” replied the RED Engineer. “It works for both of us, but neither of us want to abandon our team.”
“So, we made him so he can travel the multiverse while we help out our teams,” continued the BLU Engineer. “He’s taken to going by our real name, Dell Conagher.”
“He want to help you out against the Joker’s boss,” finished the RED Engineer, “if you’ll have him.” I thought for a few seconds, then decided.
“Engineers, I would gladly have him,” I answered. I relayed where the new Rider came from and we took up positions to kick the enemy into the air.
“What makes you think you can stop us?!” laughed the Joker.
“We have our ways,” I replied, “blending order and chaos seems to work.”
“Order and chaos CAN’T be blended!” argued the Joker.
“That’s why you constantly get sent back to Arkham,” I countered. “They ain’t mutually exclusive! Doomfist can attest to that!”
“He IS correct,” remarked Doomfist. “Only through chaos can order flourish. Or, as I prefer to say it, only through conflict do we evolve.”
“You, zip it!” snapped the Joker.
“In any case, it’s about to get real chaotic for you,” I chuckled, “since you’re right where we want you! Kamen Rider Guard! None shall harm my friends, family, and lady!”
“Kamen Rider Arch! My skills outdo Robin Hood!”
“Kamen Rider Seeker! It’s not gold I seek, but your end!”
“Kamen Rider Herald Y! I bring news of your defeat!”
“Kamen Rider Famine! I shall starve you of victory!”
“Kamen Rider Range! I’ve got you right where I want you!”
“I’m Wyldstyle! Time to think outside the box!”
“I am Technarain, the genius wanderer!”
“I am Pup-X5!” called a prerecorded message that X-PO made for Pup-X5. “I shall dig up success!”
“Kamen Rider Construct!” called the Engineers’ third clone. “Let’s do this Texas style!”
“You’re gonna do it DEAD style soon!” laughed the Joker. “GET THEM!” They leapt into the air to attack us.
“NOW!” I called. We spun the wheels and pressed the buttons.
“Final attack!” announced the Vortex Drivers.
“Final Pen Stroke!” supplied the Chronicle Drivers.
“RIDER GUARD KICK!”
“RIDER ARCH KICK!”
“RIDER SEEKER KICK!”
“RIDER HERALD Y KICK!”
“RIDER FAMINE KICK!”
“RIDER RANGE KICK!”
“RIDER CONSTRUCT KICK!” Our kicks landed on our opponents and pushed them towards the portal!
“NOOOO!” screamed Merasmus as the enemy was sucked in. “SOLDIER! YOU WERE THE WOOORST ROOOOMMAAAATE!” The portal disappeared once everyone was sucked in.
“Victory!” called the Overwatch announcer.
“…That ain’t the Administrator,” mused the RED Engineer.
“Play of the Game,” continued the Overwatch announcer. The Gateway then projected a screen with Arch posing. The caption read “Emmanuel Babineaux as Kamen Rider Arch.”
“What?!” I protested. “Why are YOU getting Play of the Game?!” We soon got our answer. While he was fighting Reaper, he had separated his bow into his blades and leapt up into the air before inserting his i.d. tag into the one in his right hand.
“Final attack!” it announced.
“RIDER ARCH SLAM!” he shouted. The impact caused Reaper to fly across the map.
“…Okay, you get Play of the Game,” I grumbled.
“Well, the moment has passed,” muttered the RED Spy.
“Agreed,” supplied the BLU Spy. “We have work to do over at Thunder Mountain.”
“Thunder Mountain?!” squawked the RED Soldier. “I don’t know how you knew that’s where we’re going, but you BLUs won’t take it from us!”
“We’ll be throwing our payload at your ass all day long!” snarled the BLU Soldier.
“I am going to strangle you with your own frilly training bra!” threatened the RED Soldier. He then chased the BLU Soldier out of the carnival with their compatriots following close behind, save for Construct. Once it was just us, we all powered down. The third Engineer clone, Dell as the original two called him, was wearing a purple Engineer’s outfit.
“Welcome to the team, Mr. Conagher,” I bid as I stuck my hand out for a handshake.
“Please, son, Mr. Conagher is my father’s name,” replied Dell as he shook my hand. “Just call me Dell.”
“Well then, welcome, Dell,” I greeted. We then finished and I turned to Pup-X5. “Get into contact with Vorton. Tell them the Tarlaxian crew gave their lives successfully getting the Source out of harm’s way. It should be in the Tarlaxian vaults. Tell them we’re on our way with a new member!”
“Belay that!” snapped Victor. “You lot still owe me an explanation as to why you decided it was a good idea to keep Megumi’s emotional collapse a secret!”
“…Pardon?” asked Dell. I sighed.
“During our first trip through the multiverse,” I explained, “we kept information about the enemy from our new allies, Wyldstyle included. When it was revealed that the one who gathered us MEANT for them to be with us, Megumi realized her mistake and had an emotional breakdown at her mistake. We kept it from our recent additions to the team because we didn’t want their views of us tainted. …But we still tainted them anyways.”
“Yeah, you did,” remarked Victor.
“Victor, I’m sorry,” I sighed. “The majority vote was that we wouldn’t tell you. We thought we were doing this for the greater good. …That was the first mistake, thinking we were doing this for ANY kind of good. I understand if you want to leave us.”
“I appreciate that, I really do,” muttered Victor. “Maybe…maybe we need a little more forgiveness here. A little more compassion than hatred. It’s just…why did you vote on this in the first place?”
“I raised the issue, saying that it would turn away any potential new members,” replied Emmanuel. “We debated and then voted.” Pup-X5 raised his hand, indicating he had something to say.
“Apparently,” read his tablet, “your arguments swayed Richard.”
“…No, they didn’t,” I replied. “I voted no.”
“…No, you didn’t,” argued Pup-X5.
“Yes, I did!” I insisted. “You can see that I voted no!”
“No, it says you voted yes!” replied Pup-X5. He displayed the results and they baffled me.
“Okay, I KNOW Emily voted no!” I declared.
“Something seems screwy with your voting,” mused Victor. “We need to check this out.”
“‘We’?” I repeated.
“I’m still mad at you all,” replied Victor, “but it looks like someone wants to drive a wedge into us. We need to settle this before I make any decision.”
“All right,” I declared. “Pup-X5, get us home.”
Richard’s team arrived after telling us what happened in the universe he and his team went to and we told him the news about the Rose clone and the Doctor’s involvement. “We’re coming up with nothing,” I explained as I held my crown in my hand. “The Doctor is unavailable to help right now, she’s busy trying to figure out why she’s forgetting an adventure.”
“Did Emily find anything?” asked Richard.
“She DID find something chemical in her,” I explained, “but that’s probably part of Gallifreyan biology.” At that point, the Doctor approached us. She was fanning herself with her hand.
“Could someone lower the heat?” she griped. “Far above what Time Lords are used to!” She then noticed something. “Wait, shouldn’t you be fanning yourselves as well? It IS 41.8⁰C.” (107.3⁰F)
“No, it’s a comfortable 23.8⁰C,” (75⁰F) I argued. The Doctor then seemed to let her attention get grabbed elsewhere.
“…I think my right heart is ARRGH!” She then doubled over in pain, clutching her chest at her right heart. “I’ve been poisoned!” she gasped. She then ran off for the cafeteria. We followed to find her grabbing Michael by the shoulders. “Ginger beer!” she gasped.
“Doctor!” protested Michael, presuming that to be the insult version of the phrase.
“I need ginger beer!” explained the Doctor. Michael hurried off and replicated the drink. The Doctor guzzled it down.
“Doctor, what’s going on?!” yelped Michael. “You’re acting like you need to go through detox!”
“Protein!” called the Doctor.
“Will walnuts do again?” sighed Michael.
“Doctor, how are any of this gonna stop whatever poison’s inside you?!” I protested.
“Wait, the Doctor’s poisoned?!” yelped Michael. He hurried along replicating walnuts and handed them to the Doctor who greedily devoured them. She then mimed shaking something.
“I can’t understand!” I yelped as Michael was trying to replicate something else. However, his panic was making his fingers make mistakes. The Doctor held up one finger. “One word. Shake, shake,” I floundered. “Milk shake? No, not milk, cocktail shake! What do you want, an orange screwdriver?!”
“ORANGE SCREWDRIVER?!” protested the Doctor when she finally swallowed the walnuts.
“WELL, I DON’T KNOW!” I shouted back.
“HOW IS ‘ORANGE SCREWDRIVER’ ONE WORD?!” continued the Doctor.
“She was miming salt!” called Michael as he got the desired dish. “She needs something salty!”
“What is that?!” I yelped.
“Anchovies!” replied Michael.
“Brilliant!” praised the Doctor as she scarfed down the anchovies.
“Why not just salt?!” I asked.
“That’s too salty!” answered Michael as he tried replicating something else. The Doctor finished off her anchovies and mimed a flash with her hands.
“A song?!” I guessed. “Er, I don’t know! ‘Turkey in the Straw’?!”
“‘TURKEY IN THE STRAW’?!” protested both Michael and the Doctor.
“Oh, all right, ‘American Pie’!” I snapped.
“Doctor!” called Michael when he finished with the replicator. “Close your eyes and pucker your lips!” The Doctor did so and Michael held a piece of paper to her lips. The Doctor felt the taste of paper on her lips and opened her eyes, yelping in surprise at seeing whatever was on the paper and jumping back before leaning back, opening her mouth, and letting something smoky come out. The smoke cleared and the Doctor leaned on the table before regaining her strength and standing upright to glare at Michael.
“Dearest Michael,” she hissed, “when I’m going through detox and ask for a shock, just get a defibrillator! Do not, under any circumstances, make me kiss A PICTURE OF BLOODY DAVROS!”
“Detox?” I asked. “Time Lords can get rid of poison?”
“Not every poison, just certain poisons,” explained the Doctor. “Especially THAT poison used on me. It’s Sparxotylin, a Time Lord developed poison that inhibits certain memories, especially the memory of being injected with the stuff. Lasts a long time, even throughout regenerations, before it starts to kill the Time Lord.”
“When were you poisoned?” I asked.
“Just before I was imprisoned within my confession dial,” replied the Doctor.
“The Time Lords poisoned you before imprisoning you?!” snapped Michael. “Your own people?!”
“So, this ISN’T connected to the Rose clone?” I asked.
“No, it isn’t,” replied the Doctor.