The Web of Stories
Even Lacey, Death, War, Pestilence, and Famine do the occasional mermaid pin-up. They rather like acting sexy when they get the chance. If the site for the photo-shoot is in an actual clam underwater, such as the one they’re in right now, so much the better.
Famine’s Rider form.
Kamen Rider Famine! I shall starve you of victory!
Bio:
Starvation hits everyone, everywhere. Thus, Famine is around to try and fulfill her hunger, and an eternal one, at that.
Not the most physically strong of the Four Horsemen, but her jaws bite into anything. And with Death, War, and Pestilence around, she’s a force to be reckoned with. Now, she works as a teacher at After Academy to help Lacey become Kamen Rider Apocalypse. With the Essurio Driver in hand, she’s now Kamen Rider Famine.
I had busied myself with a machine designed to help bring the ghost to a better plane of existence. “Okay,” I muttered. “Todo lo que necesito hacer es conectar esto y estaremos bien.” (All I need to do is connect this and we’ll be good.)
“Señor Ortiz?” asked a voice. I whirled around to see Lacey looking at what I was doing. “Are you trying to contact your dad?” she asked.
“No,” I replied.
“Good, best to avoid him,” advised Lacey. “You know full well he’s not to be trusted. The dead outside of this school rarely are.”
“The mortal realm’s no better,” I grunted.
“Yes, I spoke with Mickey a while ago,” murmured Lacey. “He told me about your feelings concerning the F.N.S and your desire to leave us.”
“I just…I can’t stand the F.N.S right now!” I answered. “I joined you to get away from all the lies I was told back home, but I’ve been lied to again by people I’ve only known for two years! It’s like…it’s like I’m fighting a one-man war against lying! Can you even fathom what that feels like?!”
“Completely, believe it or not,” replied Lacey. That caught me off guard.
“Perdon?” I asked.
“I fully relate to your feelings,” elaborated Lacey, “but I don’t agree with your methods.”
“…How can you relate?!” I protested.
“Alesandro, do you know why I became a Horseman of the Apocalypse?” quizzed Lacey.
“You were chosen to help Megumi fight Vortech,” I answered, not seeing how it correlated to what the conversation was about.
“That was the impetus,” answered Lacey, “but, truth be told, I was gonna join After Academy anyways. I came from Universe T-H-3-5-1-M-P-5-0-N-5.”
“The Simpsons?” I asked. “You were a resident of Springfield?”
“Yep, and had an abusive father,” confirmed Lacey. “I hated how chaotic that place was and felt like I was alone in trying to corral the chaos. Death offered to return me back to my universe with a fresh perspective and a better chance of controlling the chaos. I stayed because I found something that I never had in Springfield, a family with the other Horsemen. Now, here I am, part of After Academy’s faculty and being a part of a family with the F.N.S. Now, it IS, at times, dysfunctional; it most certainly is NOT perfect, but the F.N.S and the Horsemen became my family. I certainly hope they’ve become yours.”
“Didn’t War initially join Vortech’s cause at the start of the Vortech Wars?” I asked.
“Yes, but the Four Horsemen have LONG worked through that,” replied Lacey, “because that’s what family does.”
“If they’re meant to BE family,” I grumbled. “Sometimes the family is so toxic that you need to get away from them.”
“Also true, as we can both attest to our blood family,” conceded Lacey. “Now, the question becomes, has this family become that toxic to you?” I stopped working, then set down my tools and sat on the ground.
“I don’t know,” I sighed.
“Well, is there a reason that you’re staying with us?” asked Lacey.
“I was contacted by a ghost a while ago,” I explained. “He’s in an eternal nightmare and I want to help him get out of it.” I then pondered the idea. “You know, now that I think about it,” I mused, “wouldn’t someone who regrets his actions think that he DESERVES punishment?”
“As a matter of fact, yes,” replied Lacey. “Charles Dickens got that kind of ghost right. They’re tormented by their own regret and can only blame themselves since they never regretted their actions when they were alive. Jacob Marley DOES regret his actions and accepted there’s nothing he can do except blame himself since it’s too late for him.”
“This ghost I met didn’t have that kind of thinking,” I revealed. “Megumi DOES regret what she did and made no attempt to stop me from leaving. Something doesn’t add up here.” Just then, the ghost shimmered into view.
“Help me! Please!” wailed the ghost, Carl.
“…Why?” I asked.
“There is goodness in you!” pleaded Carl. “Help me! Let me start again!”
“You’re chained for a reason,” I continued. “If you REALLY regret your actions, you wouldn’t try to escape or shift the blame to…”
“Okay, you know what,” grumbled Carl, standing upright despite being chained, “I saw this coming.” He pulled back the hood to reveal a monstrous head. It had two long tendrils coming from the back of the head and a single eye.
“CAAN!” screamed Lacey.
“Give me access to After Academy’s library,” demanded Caan.
“I read about you!” I snapped. “Why should we obey a Dalek like you?!”
“You have no choice in the matter!” snarled Caan as he equipped his Dal Driver.
“DAL DRIVER!” it screamed. He then took out the Pure Dalek can and turned the dome before inserting it into the belt. “PURE DALEK!” it shouted. He then turned the crank and the piping formed the sides of his suit. “ARE YOU READY?!” asked the Dal Driver.
“Henshin!” called Caan. The piping then slammed the sides of his suit onto him.
“THE UNSTOPPABLE KILLER!” announced the belt. “PURE DALEK! EXTERMINATE!” Caan was now Kamen Rider Dal.
“Henshin!” shouted Lacey as she spun the dial. She became Kamen Rider Apocalypse and clashed with Caan. “Go get help!” she shouted.
“But…!” I stammered.
“NOW!” demanded Apocalypse. I took off and ran through the campus streets to find help. Her fellow Horsemen then saw me.
“Alesandro! Stop!” called Death. “What’s going on?!”
“Lacey’s fighting Caan outside the campus!” I explained. “She needs help!”
“A villain with future vision attacks us! Sure! Why not!” snarled Pestilence.
“Anyone got any ideas?” asked Famine with her mouth full.
“…I’ve got a trick in mind,” chuckled War.
War approached the battlefield with a confident grin on her face. “Mr. Caan, I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of meeting face to face,” she called, distracting him long enough for Apocalypse to strike him and join War. Dal recovered and drew himself up to his full height.
“You are War!” he observed. “The multiverse has changed if you engage in mortal affairs!”
“Tends to happen,” remarked War. “Tell me, what was your position before your little club?”
“Before the Cult of Skaro,” replied Dal, “I was the Attack Squad Leader of the Thirteenth Assault Group! Many worlds fell under Dalek control thanks to my efforts!”
“Yeah, evil hasn’t changed,” grumbled War. “Comes with the territory. You always rely on permanence to get you through the day. Good, on the other hand, ALWAYS changes. We’ve got new ways of dealing with people like you.”
“There ARE no people like me!” argued Dal. “Not yet!”
“There’s ALWAYS gonna be someone like you,” replied War. “…Wait, not yet?”
“You will never know!” snapped Dal.
“You’re right, I foresee your defeat coming,” chuckled War. “Kamen Rider Dal, you will be haunted by three spirits! Expect them…right now! Henshin!” She transformed and her fellow Horsemen, also in Rider form, joined her in attacking him while I got to work on the machine. Death called it clever, I call it narrowly avoiding disaster. Caan couldn’t fully manifest in this universe unless he was invited in some way. Because I didn’t fully follow through on bringing him into this universe, he was stuck in a transitional state. He’s immune to conventional attacks, but, then again, the Apocalypse Riders are anything BUT conventional. Their attacks managed to do him some damage.
“Guys, it’s time!” I called when I finished.
“Do it!” ordered War. I pressed the button and Dal was sent away from After Academy. “You’re NOT getting a refund on your application!” laughed War as all Riders powered down. Dal was struggling under the machine’s power and turned to me.
“I now…understand…what it means…to live!” he begged me. “Have…PITY!”
“Pity?” I replied, giving my best Dalek impression. “I have no understanding of the word! It is not registered in my vocabulary bank!” I then dropped the act. “For your sake, look to see me no more.” One final button and Kamen Rider Dal vanished, never to terrify After Academy.
“I have to apologize again, for all this,” offered Alesandro.
“No, no, no,” I replied after hearing all of it. “You were doing what you thought was right, obeying your conscience. I didn’t have that kind of courage. If you’ll let me, though, I’d like to work towards proving that I CAN do so.”
“Well, can’t exactly leave the F.N.S on that note, can I?” chuckled Alesandro. “The F.N.S IS a better family than my blood relatives. We all had a flub or two in our lives. The best we can do is pick ourselves up and get back into the fight.”
“Truer words have never been spoken,” I agreed. Just then, the comms chimed. I pressed the accept button. “Moshi moshi!” I called.
“Megumi, mind having everyone gather in the Gateway Room?” requested Richard. “We found something that will make some heads roll.”
“Sure thing,” I replied. I then switched to general broadcast. “Minna, report to the Gateway Room. Richard’s team found something.” We all gathered in the Gateway Room and Technarain, Sludgiona, Batman, Pup-X5, Lukas, and Richard looked pretty mad. “What happened?” I asked.
“We finally figured out what caused the results to go the way they did,” explained Richard. “Someone tampered with the results, someone with more access to the results than any of us who voted. So, the question becomes, X-PO, why? Why did you do it?” …X-PO?
“How is this POSSIBLE?!” I roared. “All five Sources within our grasp, and yet none have been retrieved! I am only inundated with excuses, even from my own wife!” I pointed to Igura after she returned from 5-U-P-3-R-M-4-R-1-0. She snarled at the accusation, but I didn’t pay attention. I turned to our newest addition. “Well, Cyber-Leader Gi? What’s YOUR excuse?!”
“It is illogical for me to give one,” replied Cyber-Leader Gi. “I had underestimated the power they had and it cost me my victory. The fault is mine.”
“Yes, I do believe it is!” I confirmed.
“However, there IS a way to fix this for all of us,” supplied Cyber-Leader Gi.
“Explain! Quickly!” I ordered.
“We still have a fix on four of the Sources’ respective energy signatures,” explained Cyber-Leader Gi. “The reason it is not all five is because, according to what the Joker discovered on the Tarlaxian scout ship’s flight recorder, the Source of Starvation is in Tarlax 14’s vault. However, the other four are all in one place. Logically, it would be the Vortex Riders main base of operations.”
“And since they originally scrambled Vorton’s new coordinates, they may have used it again for some sense of familiarity,” I deduced. “But it won’t matter if we use the Sources as a beacon to guide us there. Muster the fleet. Cyber-Leader Gi, do we have the coordinates of the Sources current position?”
“We do,” confirmed Cyber-Leader Gi. “The probes we have sent to observe the universe have identified the universe as V-0-R-T-0-N.”
“Feed them to all ships,” I ordered. “We leave at once.”
I looked at the various trophies the Doctor left behind on Vorton for me to examine. I snorted at a few. The only trophy I could respect wasn’t even evidence of the Doctor’s victory. That victory belonged to the Vortex Riders. It was an empty, open Dalek casing. The Doctor’s trophies just laid there near the casing. “Look at all this,” I muttered to myself. “Relics and artefacts that I should feel some connection to. I don’t, though. It’s all just junk to me.” I picked up a tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator and just sat with it in my hands. “Michael says it doesn’t matter who I am, as long as I live my own life.” I snorted again. “My own life. A life with no memory of who I am. No real history. Wearing someone else’s face! I don’t even like this face, even though it’s considered attractive by human standards! If the Emperor Dalek was lying, and I AM a clone of Rose Tyler, then I’m just a copy. A duplicate. Something that was mass-produced like…like…” My rant faltered as I examined the gunstick’s socket on the Dalek casing. “I remember…not being able to…shoot myself? ……NO!” I threw the extrapolator at the glass case the casing sat in and it shattered. “It’s just some stray thoughts coming to the surface! Thoughts that aren’t mine! They can’t be!” I could only laugh hopelessly. “I can’t trust who I am! I can’t trust ANYTHING about me! If I wanted to, I could just walk around pretending to be Rose Tyler, because all I am is a copy! A copy that can only see the impurity of…! Impurity of…” More memories came to the surface, the glorious saucers hanging over every world across time and space, the Emperor commanding us all, leveling… “…I remember now!” I couldn’t believe it! A smile crossed my face! “I REMEMBER NOW!” I ran my hands across my face…face…hands…arms…legs…two eyes…no! “I remember…I REMEMBER!” NO! NO! NO! I AM CONTAMINATED!
With the Gateway having been fixed so that the seven person limit was removed, we didn’t need my power as Vortex. My team, Team Death, assembled first. “Coordinates set,” reported Rusty. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“Shall we, Megumi?” offered Death.
“Minna,” I called, “ikuze! CHARGE!” We charged into the portal, flying through the rift.
Next up was my team, Team War. “Okay, Michael,” called Elphaba. “Your path is set.”
“Off we go!” I called. War gave off a battle-cry as we charged into the portal.
I had already taken everyone up to the Virginia. I adjusted the rose rings around my wrists as we arrived at the bridge. It was multi-leveled. The pilot sat in the center of the bridge’s lower level in a chair that looked like a multi-axis trainer, the chair astronauts use to simulate disorientation on reentry. The walls had half a TARDIS console built into them. The Captain, me, would sit in a chair on the level above the pilot and the First Officer would sit in the seat behind me, facing the back of the bridge in order to relay commands. I was showing off the consoles, starting from port, then going to bow, then starboard, then stern. “Welcome to the bridge!” I began. “We’ve only got a limited amount of time, so let’s go through it quickly. The port consoles are science stations, the bow consoles are weapons, the starboard consoles are in charge of communications, and the aft consoles command Engineering when the Chief Engineer is on the bridge. Now, positions. Liam.”
“Aye?” gulped Liam as he was snapped out of his awe.
“You know technical stuff, right?” I asked.
“…I hit things,” replied Liam. “They get fixed.”
“Splendid,” I answered. “You’ll work with R9 as an Engineer. Amelia, Pestilence, you work the science stations.”
“Got it,” confirmed Pestilence as she and Amelia took their respective consoles.”
“Hongo, you work the weapons,” I directed.
“Both consoles?” asked Hongo.
“Only one needs to be used,” answered Mikhail, “but we’re people who prefer back-ups. So, when one explodes, the other kicks in when only one person’s working the weapons.”
“Now THAT makes sense,” replied Hongo.
“Speaking of working consoles,” I interjected, “Mikhail, you’re in charge of communications.”
“да,” (Da, yes) confirmed Mikhail.
“Tanisha, you’ve flown ships before,” I recalled.
“Not this type,” remarked Tanisha. “I need to familiarize myself with the controls.”
“It’s like a video game,” I assured. “Think of the space battles in Star Wars: Battlefront II, the 2005 release.”
“Ah, the good one,” remarked Tanisha.
“Where does that leave me?!” protested Scorpainia.
“It leaves you as my First Officer,” I answered.
“YOUR First Officer?!” exclaimed Scorpainia.
“Megumi legally transferred ownership of the ship to me,” I explained. “As such, I’m it’s captain.”
“I see,” replied Scorpainia.
“Make sure my orders are carried out and smack anyone who says or does something stupid,” I instructed.
“Smacking limbs ready,” reported Scorpainia.
“All right, man your stations,” I directed. “Majel, ship status.” An image of the late Majel-Barret Roddenberry appeared on screen. She was in one of her Lwaxana Troi dresses.
“Still in standard orbit,” she reported, “and this a.i. is really, REALLY bored!”
“Is that…?!” gasped R9.
“No, it’s the a.i. based off of her,” I answered. “When she heard that I needed a shipboard computer, she volunteered. After I explained that it would have a full range of emotions, she planted the idea of an interactive image in Lukas’ head and suggested herself. This was after her guest lecture on how much influence women had in early science fiction. I agreed and so Lukas coded Majel here.”
“And I’ve been stuck orbiting Vorton for a while now,” muttered Majel.
“Well, our new adventure may stretch your engines,” I replied. “We’re going to universe 5-U-P-3-R-M-4-R-1-0 to rescue some Tarlaxian explorers.”
“OOOH! Going outside Vorton!” cheered Majel. “Ready and waiting!”
“Tanisha,” I instructed as I sat down, “set a course for 5-U-P-3-R-M-4-R-1-0. 50% of speed factor 1 until we’ve cleared orbit, then punch it to speed factor 7.”
“Got it,” confirmed Tanisha as she pressed the necessary buttons. As Scorpainia moved to sit behind me, I noticed something.
“Hey,” I whispered to her, not wanting to draw the bridge’s attention to it, “are you all right?”
“What do you mean?” replied Scorpainia in the same whisper.
“Your claw’s shaking,” I answered. Scorpainia’s right claw was shaking a bit. She looked at the claw and saw it shake. She then opened and shut it a few times, making it stop twitching.
“Must be getting old,” she chuckled. I could see it in her eyes, something’s terrified her. We were on a time crunch, though, so I put it to the back of my mind.
“Course laid in,” reported Tanisha.
“Engage!” I ordered in my best Picard impression. The engines hummed, the lights brightened…and the ship lurched, nearly throwing me out of my seat. Scorpainia yelped as the same happened to her while everyone else held onto their consoles as they fell.
“I’ll just correct the orbit, shall I?” gulped Majel.
“Vorton’s hailing us,” reported Mikhail.
“Put them through,” I directed. “They probably want to know what’s going on.”
“Is everything all right up there?” asked Richard.
“Just learned that the controls ARE similar to the space battles of the 2005 Star Wars: Battlefront II,” replied Tanisha, “but with inverted controls.”
“I think we need to learn how to fly this thing,” muttered Scorpainia.
“Majel, why don’t you pull up some tutorials?” I suggested.
“Tutorial system: engaged,” replied Majel. “We’ll start with step 1: Crash Avoidance.”
“When that’s done,” called Liam, “que up Snakes on a Plane.”
“Dude! Do it!” agreed R9.
“…All right,” mumbled Majel. “Queuing up Snakes on a Plane, directed by David R. Ellis and starring Samuel L. Jackson and…”
“Majel, cancel that order,” I interrupted.
“AW!” protested Liam and R9.
“You guys go on without us,” called Emily to my group.
“Okay, if you say so, Sis,” I muttered.
“We should probably get going,” mumbled Famine as she finished her chicken wings.
“All right, then,” I declared. “ATTACK!” We charged into the portal and fell through the rift.
“Moon-kyung,” called Joshua, “wish to do the honors?”
“Me?” I gulped.
“Why not? Let a new girl try her hand in a command position,” replied Lacey.
“…Well, I DID want to join the army when I was a girl,” I conceded. “Time to get some practice in. Gaja!” (Let’s go!) We charged into the portal and headed to our destination.
“There IS one thing I never liked about manning the Gateway,” muttered Elphaba as Ms. Moon-kyung and her group departed.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“The waiting,” explained Elphaba.
“No one really likes waiting,” I replied.
“I’m actually fine with it,” signed Chell. Thank goodness Tanisha taught Rusty, Elphaba, and I how to understand American Sign Language.
“Why?” asked Elphaba.
“Back home,” continued Chell, “I was constantly put into dangerous situations by GLaDOS, never getting a moment’s rest. I’m fine with just waiting.”
“Well, maybe it’s the old bad guy in me,” sighed Elphaba, “but I would stave off the ennui by conquest.”
“You’ve REALLY got a bad case of jitters if conquest staves it off,” remarked Rusty. I snorted holding back a laugh.
“I don’t know if you noticed,” I remarked, “but your old associates in the Dalek Empire are the twitchiest bunch in our universe.”
“And knowing that there’s a hostile multiverse out there,” interjected Elphaba, “we need to be ready for attack. THAT’S what’s making me twitchy.”
“In MY day,” I replied, “we took on Daleks, Cybermen, Autons, Zygons, and all manner of space thuggery, and it doesn’t get more hostile than THAT!” Just then, the Gateway’s control console beeped. Elphaba took it.
“This is Vorton,” she introduced.
“It’s Emily,” called Young Miss Saunders. “We finally got the ship controls hammered out. We’ll see you later.”
“Good luck,” bid Elphaba. As soon as communications ended, the Virginia left orbit, opened a rift, and vanished into it. Rusty and I saluted, you’re familiar with the salute of the United Kingdom, as it left.
“All right,” declared Elphaba as she took charge, “we’re all going into one hour shifts monitoring various aspects. Rusty, you’re monitoring the power systems. Brigadier, you’re monitoring weapons. Chell, medical monitoring for you. I’ll monitor the Gateway for any rift activity. We switch at the end of our shifts, Gateway to medical to weapons to power to Gateway. Understood?” We all confirmed our duties. “Perfect, let’s…” the Gateway beeped again, interrupting her. Since she volunteered for Gateway duty, she checked the console. “Someone’s coming through!” she yelped.
“Shocker Rift?” asked Rusty as she readied her gunstick.
“…No,” reported Elphaba. “A blonde woman in rags.”
“What was she doing in the rift?” I asked.
“Does it matter?!” signed Chell. “Bring her in! She’s unprotected!” Elphaba opened a portal and brought the woman to the platform. Rusty’s eyes went wide.
“I know that face!” she breathed.
“Pardon?” I asked.
“From the Pathweb, the shared intelligence of the Daleks!” explained Rusty. “From the Doctor’s memories as well! I know that woman!”
“Who?” asked Elphaba as Chell picked her up and carried her to the medical bay. “Who is she?”
“…Rose Tyler!” declared Rusty.
My team ended up near a desert. There WAS civilization but I had a humanoid robot dog and a monstrous looking person with a scalp looking like an exposed brain with me, revealing ourselves would only cause a panic. Given the collective mental capacity of the town (Teufort), if I remember the comics correctly, a panic could only lead to disaster…and our being hanged. “Okay, guys, we stick to the outskirts,” I warned. “There’s a facility near here that keeps putting lead in the water supply. As such, the townsfolk aren’t too bright and are led by an idiot mayor. Pup-X5, I trust you have water filters?” Pup-X5 gave a thumbs up and held up a tablet. Since he couldn’t speak, his tablet communicated what he wanted us to know.
“Given the nature of this universe,” read Pup-X5’s tablet, “I figured a full emergency kit for everyone would do.”
“Good dog,” I praised. Pup-X5 wagged his tail at the compliment. Famine mumbled something.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full!” groaned Victor. Famine swallowed.
“I said, this is a town, right?” asked Famine.
“Yes,” I replied, a little confused.
“Meaning, it should have people, right?” continued Famine.
“Again, yes,” I confirmed.
“So, where ARE the people?” asked Famine. Our eyes went wide as we looked into Teufort. Sure enough, there were no people!
“Pup-X5! Technarain! Bio-readings!” I ordered. The two sent a probe into the air and scanned the area. After a few seconds, the probe announced the results.
“Bio-readings: negative,” it reported.
“Okay, change of plan! We’re going in!” I declared. We entered Teufort and started looking. The search took an hour until Emmanuel screamed in fear. The scream came from the town hall, so we headed in that direction. “Emmanuel! What happened?!” I barked.
“The enemy beat us to this universe!” he reported.
“How do you know?” asked Xiomara. Emmanuel revealed the body of the mayor of Teufort. His skin was chalk white, his lips were red, and he had a toothy grin on his face. Pup-X5 checked for life signs. His head and tail drooped, telling me what the man died of.
“Smylex!” I hissed. “The Joker’s here!” Said clown’s laugh then played throughout the building.
“So, you figured out who’s here!” he cheered. “Excellent! Since this recording didn’t pick up Bratman’s usual edge-lord rasp, I assume he’s not here! Pity, but it makes it all more fun to see a lesser man than him try and defeat me!”
“A recording?” muttered Emmanuel.
“Don’t bother looking for me here!” taunted the Joker. “I’m already somewhere else! All I can say is there’s a barn and a concrete building separated by a bridge! Might want to hurry if you want to save the mercenaries!” The Joker laughed as we heard a beeping. It didn’t take long for us to guess what that beeping was.
“RUN!” I shouted. We ran out of the building and out of the town before we heard the explosion. “Everyone all right?!” I called.
“We’re fine,” assured Brenden. “The Joker mentioned two buildings, right?”
“He has to be talking about 2Fort,” I replied.
“Then should we be there, like, YESTERDAY?!” remarked Wyldstyle.
“Steeds! Now!” We summoned our horses, converted them to bike mode, and took off.
We soon arrived at an area with two buildings called 2Fort, the first map of Team Fortress 2 and the mercenaries of both Reliable Excavation Demolition (RED) and Builders League United (BLU) were holed up in the BLU base. The Joker’s goons were sieging the BLU base from the RED base, neither allowing the REDs to return to their base nor letting the BLUs gain any intelligence. “Looks like we’re gonna do like the Spies are trying to do,” I declare as we witnessed both RED and BLU Spies being shot. “We’ll sneak in from the back and try and take out the goons so the teams can reclaim the base.”
“And HOW, pray tell, will we do that?” asked Emmanuel.
“The old fashioned way,” I replied. I held up my Vortex Driver. The others got the idea and got out their belts.
“Vortex Driver!”
“Chronicle Driver!” After those voices, we took out our i.d tags and Armor Auto-bio.
“Henshin!” we called.
“Open! Turn! Imagine!” announced Victor’s belt. “The Rifle of Range!” Victor’s Rider persona, Range, evoked a Canadian Mountie. Unfortunately, one of the goons heard the belts and spotted us.
“HEY! DOWN THERE!” he shouted. His buddies looked in the direction he was pointing at and fired on US! We scattered and had to resort to taking cover.
“You know,” grumbled Arch, “we should have Sludgiona install a stealth mode into these things!”
“A discussion for when we get back!” I replied. We were pinned as the Joker’s men kept us behind cover. What we didn’t know was that both mercenary teams took advantage of that opening.
“Ready to charge!” called a German voice. That could only mean one of the Medics was ready with the ÜberCharge, the temporary invincibility mode for a teammate.
“I am fully charged!” reported another Medic.
“Is team-time, Doctor!” declared a Russian voice, a Heavy, I would say.
“Ready for that charge, Doc!” announced an American Drill Sergeant’s voice. Just then, a Heavy and Medic team glowing red charged across the bridge and mowed down the goons at the entrances while a Soldier and Medic team glowing blue took care of the goons on top. The rest of the mercenaries followed the two teams and swarmed the RED base. We ran in and assisted.
“Now is coward-killing time!” cheered the RED Heavy as he mowed down his enemies. We all managed to get downstairs into the RED team’s intel room and found more goons. They raised their weapons at us but didn’t check for the Scouts. Both of them grabbed a purple and a green briefcase and made a mad dash for the BLU base.
“STOP THEM!” called a goon. Not a chance. We mowed down the lot of them. We then heard stomping up above.
“…They’re using OUR respawn?!” roared the RED soldier.
“CHARGE!” shouted the BLU soldier. We all headed topside to see the goons on the battlements shooting at the Scouts while other goons charged across the bridge after them. We kept fighting the ones on the battlements until…their weapons disappeared!
“Victory!” called the Administrator’s voice. We all mowed down the goons as they tried to run from us.
“Well, I reckon that’s that,” sighed the BLU Engineer as he activated a metal lounge chair and strummed his guitar.
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” I replied as us Riders powered down.
“Son, you seem to know those maggots,” remarked the RED Soldier, guessing I was the one in charge. “Who are you?”
“I’m Richard Saunders,” I introduced, “better known as Kamen Rider Guard. This is Wyldstyle.
“Hey!” called Wyldstyle.
“Emmanuel Babineaux, Kamen Rider Arch,” I continued.
“Bonjour,” greeted Emmanuel.
“Xiomara Elizondo, Kamen Rider Seeker,” I went on.
“¡Hola!” cheered Xiomara.
“One of the new guys, Victor Young, Kamen Rider Range,” I introduced.
“Hello!” greeted Victor.
“Famine of the now FIVE Horsemen,” I went on.
“Hello!” she mumbled while eating a sandvich (the spelling IS on purpose).
“Brenden Patterson, Kamen Rider Herald Y,” I continued.
“Hello!” he greeted.
“Pup-X5,” I went on. The robot just waved, earning a glare from the Mercenaries. “He’s not of Gray Mann’s design, I promise!” I yelped. “Anyway, last but not least, Technarain.”
“Greetings,” he bid.
“Those maggots, as the RED Soldier described them, worked for a clown, and I mean that in the literal sense, called the Joker,” I explained. “He’s, to put it mildly, insane.”
“How insane are we talking?” asked the BLU Scout. “Like, Medic level? Gray Mann level? Cause it don’t matter! I’ll beat that dummy’s face in! You see these guns?” He flexed his wimpy muscles. “Yeah, they’re beautiful, ain’t they? And these?” he lifted his shirt to display his lack of pecs. “Yeah! You’ll be grinding meat on ‘em! I’ll be running circles around…!”
“Don’t you ever shut up?!” barked the RED Sniper. “You’re as bad as OUR Scout!”
“Hey! At least I actually have something!” protested the RED Scout. The RED Pyro then mumbled something. “Okay, repeat after me!” snapped the RED Scout. “Mmm mm mmm I’m dead!”
“He said you can’t pull your weight, you walking matchstick,” I translated.
“…You…understand Pyrospeak?” asked the RED Soldier.
“Yep,” I replied. “We all can. A multiversal translator in our belts.”
“Mmmph mmphmmph,” (Thank goodness.) sighed the BLU Pyro. “Mph mmph mh mmph mph mph mmph mph mpmphmmph mph mpmphmmmph mh.” (It’s nice to know it’s not just our Engineers that understand us.)
“Anytime,” I assured. “Now, the Joker is here on behalf of his organization called Shocker Rift, a terrorist organization that’s after something that belongs to Famine. He’ll most likely be trying to stir up chaos with someone skilled in that. Given that he sent his goons after you, I don’t think you Mercenaries are on his list.”
“I don’t know if I should feel relieved or insulted!” protested the BLU Medic.
“There ARE Gray Mann’s robots,” mused the BLU Sniper.
“And Merasmus,” interjected the RED Demoman.
“Come on, Merasmus always lays low when it ain’t October,” argued the RED Engineer.
“Besides, he’s still enjoying his house-warming gift,” supplied the RED Soldier.
“…House-warming gift?” asked the RED Spy, a little suspicious.
“Yes, house-warming gift!” confirmed the RED Soldier.
“What house-warming gift?” asked the BLU Engineer.
“Soldier,” hissed the RED Sniper, “I swear to God if you did something to anger him…!”
“All I did was give him a grenade!” protested the RED Soldier.
“Knowing you, hippie,” chuckled the BLU Soldier, “it was a dud. Your hair must have gotten in your eyes if you gave him a dud!”
“Do you really believe I’d do something so dumb as give Merasmus a non-functional grenade, Private?!” shouted the RED Soldier. “I pulled the pin to prove it worked! Merasmus can confirm what I’m saying is the truth since I showed him in his house!”
“YOU BLEW UP MERASMUS’ HOUSE?!” wailed Victor.
“YOU BLEEDING IDIOT!” shouted the RED Demoman.
“I’m going to saw through your bones!” threatened the BLU Medic.
“Gentlemen, please!” I called. Everyone stopped yelling at the RED Soldier. “Okay, it’s more than likely that Merasmus joined the Joker to get revenge on the RED Soldier for blowing up his house. That means the Joker and Merasmus will be based at one of the Halloween maps. Someone get me a list of said maps!” The RED Spy pulled out a list and handed it to me. “Thank you,” I bid. I then read off the maps. “All right, we got Cauldron, Cursed Cove, Gravestone, Monster Bash, Slasher, Harvest Event, Mann Manor, Eyeaduct, Ghost Fort, Ghost Town, Helltower, Carnival of Carnage, Gorge Event, Hellstone, Moonshine Event, Sinshine, Brimstone, Maple Ridge Event, and Pit of Death. That’s a lot.”
“Merasmus will want a map that he hangs out at,” guessed the BLU Demoman.
“All right, that narrows it down to Ghost Fort, Carnival of Carnage, Brimstone, Gravestone, and Slasher,” I replied as I crossed of the other maps.
“Why not start with Carnival of Carnage?” suggested Emmanuel.
“Mph MMMMPH mh mmmph mmph Mphmpmph mh Mphmmph?” (Why SHOULD we start with Carnival of Carnage?) asked the RED Pyro.
“If Merasmus teamed up with the Joker, then, knowing the Joker, he’ll want a base that resembles a theme park,” explained Emmanuel. “For all his boasting of being an agent of chaos, the Joker IS predictable.”
“That’ll get under his skin if you say that,” I replied. “Seems as good a place to start as any. Let’s rest up and head there. We’ll foil Merasmus and the Joker’s plans and things can get back to normal…whatever passes for normal in this universe.” Just then, Pup-X5’s eyes flashed green. He wagged his tail. “What’s going on?” I asked.
“I left a probe to investigate the town,” read Pup-X5’s tablet. “Hopefully, it discovered something useful. Data’s coming in!” As he read the data, his tail slowly stopped wagging, then it drooped as did his head.
“What’s wrong, boy?” I asked.
“The probe found the Tarlaxian scout ship with the crew displaying the effects of Smylex,” explained Pup-X5’s tablet. “They’re…they’re dead.”
“…Damn!” swore Technarain.
“The probe’s working on decoding the black box right now,” reported Pup-X5, “but initial reports are telling me that the Source was on board as well.”
“Then he got us,” I grumbled.
“The Joker?” asked Victor.
“Who else?!” I snapped. “The Joker attacked the ship after it picked up the Source and killed the crew! Now Shocker Rift has one and has a potential bargaining chip! We gotta…!” Pup-X5 tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to his tablet.
“The Joker doesn’t have the Source,” it read.
“No, I’m positive he…!” I continued. The text on the tablet changed.
“Decryption complete,” it reported. “The Tarlaxians got the Source out of this universe.”
“…What?” I asked.
“The Tarlaxians sent it away to a safer location,” explained Pup-X5. “In fact, it looks like it went into the Tarlaxian Black Vaults.”
“The safest place within Tarlax,” I realized. “Shocker Rift can’t get to them.”
“Then you can go now,” directed the BLU Soldier.
“The Joker’s still here,” I argued. “He won’t leave until he makes a chaotic, bloody mess out of this world. We need to stay and help you…gentlemen get him OUT.”
“Considering your knowledge on this ‘Joker’ person,” mused the RED Spy, “we would be fools not to accept your help.”
“If that’s the case, y’all need to stay with us until tomorrow morning,” offered the BLU Engineer.
“What if the Joker’s men come back?” rumbled the BLU Heavy.
“That’s what a Sentry’s for,” assured the RED Engineer.
“Thank you for the offer,” I bid. “I think we’ll take you up on it. Pup-X5, Technarain, see if you can help the Engineers set up whatever builds they need.”
“On it,” replied Technarain as Pup-X5 saluted. They followed the two Engineers out of the Respawn.
“The rest of us will catch some rest while one of us guards the place,” I declared.
“I’ll take first watch,” offered the RED Sniper.
“Good,” I praised. “Warn us if you see anything. The rest of us, let’s get some shuteye. RED Sniper, I’ll take your place in an hour.” We all headed off to get some rest while the RED Sniper headed off after the Engineers, Technarain, and Pup-X5.