Kamen Rider Hunt! I shall always get my prey!
Tag: tanisha akintola
Bio:
Tanisha and her family had moved from Africa to the US when she was 10 years old. She always got a strange look because of her blue eyes. Skin tone, she could easily counter, but not her eyes. That is, until her father told her to look at a single flame. When she did, she noticed the core of the flame and asked why it was blue.
Her father then explained light and heat to her and she soon gained an understanding as to why her father wanted her to look at a flame. He was comparing her eyes to a fire’s core. She soon made up a motto: “These eyes are my core, allowing me to become a roaring fire!”
Fire soon became a part of her life, both positive and negative. She learned, while cooking, that fire is beautiful, but must be treated with care and respect, otherwise, if not controlled, it will turn everything to ash. Thankfully, she just suffered a burn when she learned how powerful fire is.
She learned, through a Facebook page, about the Feudal Nerd Society and moved to Virginia a year after it was founded and joined with open arms. Now, with her parents kidnapped by the evil Lord Vortech, she fights as Kamen Rider Hunt to end his evil scheme.
“That was…quite an adventure you had!” I breathed. Tanisha curtsied as we clapped. “I think you left out where you got the studs, though.”
“Oh, Wheatley had accidentally snagged them when he was looking around GLaDOS’ gateway room,” explained Tanisha. “I took them when we were in the rift.”
“All right, my friends, I think we’ve had a long day,” I sighed. “Now, why don’t we…”
“Did you know that the mitochondria is your powerhouse? Wait, you’re not Cell!” I instinctively punched the guy that said that and he crashed into the wall. He slid down as if he was dead.
“Did…I just…manslaughter…Spider-Man?” I asked .
“Really?” sighed Emily. “Gonna make THAT mistake?”
“At least SOMEONE knows me!” muttered the guy I punched.
“Wait, how did you…?” I asked, unsure of how he survived that.
“Mutant, friendo!” laughed the guy. He jumped to his feet so I could see the number of pouches on his red and black suit. “Well, Mutate, really, but, whatevs!”
“Wade, how did you find us?!” sighed Emily.
“My magic unicorn!” snarked the guy. “Anyway, INTRODUCTIONS! I’m your Deadly Neighborhood Deadpool! It rhymes with No School! Too Cool! Ain’t no Fool and I’m acting like my incarnation in the Ultimate Spider-Man TV series. Damn it!”
“Not a breaker!” wailed X-PO.
“A what?” asked Emmanuel.
“There’s a dividing force out in the multiverse,” explained Vortoranii. “A force that divides us from other null dimensions, where nothing exciting happens in the way you’re used to. That force is called the Fourth Wall, and some idiots in the multiverse love to turn it into powder! Hence, breakers!”
“What can I say?” chuckled Deadpool. “She-Honk and I do it a lot!”
“She-HULK, you mean,” corrected Richard.
“Don’t feed him!” wailed Emily.
“She’s big, green, makes noise,” argued Deadpool.
“And has the authority to sue your cancer-ridden rear,” countered Richard.
“A case like that can drag on for years,” dismissed Deadpool.
“So, wait, are you some guy who randomly spouts nonsense?” I asked.
“Among other things,” supplied Emily. “He’s called the Merc With a Mouth.”
“Merc?” I repeated “As in, mercenary?”
“Yepperoni!” confirmed Deadpool. “And, right now, some Asian dude contracted me to assassinate your skirt wearing ass!” He pointed to me.
“Ignoring the fact that you can’t tell the Japanese apart from the rest of Asia, the thought of Hiro stooping that low never really crossed my mind,” I said.
“Yeah, well, the pic he gave me looks nothing like you.” Deadpool held up a picture of Sailor Moon.
“Oh, absolutely not!” I confirmed.
“Ah well!” giggled Deadpool as he tossed the picture aside. “Enough making the Toku Fandom mad. I’m gonna murderlize you real good with Black Betty and Vera!” He pulled out his guns. “Maybe this stupid retelling of Lego Dimensions will get somewhere with me around!”
“Guns?” I asked. “Buddy, your employer can tell you how poorly that’s gonna work out for why is there a breeze through my shoulder?” Deadpool’s left gun was smoking. “I stand corrected,” I mused, “also perforated. Also, AAARRRGGH!” I clutched my shoulder in pain.
“And the blades here are Adamantium, baby!” cheered Deadpool. The twin katanas he had ended up in talk show chairs. “Meet Wanda and Selene! Who I named after my cats, that I had to put down with these swords.” He got up close and whispered in our ears as Emily got the bullet out. “Also, they weren’t cats, but feral tortoises!”
“Henshin!” called Emmanuel. He turned into Arch and fired off an energy arrow into Deadpool’s head. “Un, Deux, Trois, Quatre…” he counted before Deadpool came back up.
“Okay, the swords aren’t Adamantium,” he conceded. “They’re Carbonadium.” Arch shot him again. He hummed the French National Anthem for a bit before Deadpool popped up again. “DAMMIT!” he snapped, getting a little mad. “Listen, you rifle-dropping…!” Arch shot him again before he could get any further with that one.
“Mon Dieu,” muttered Arch, “and you told me he was Canadian, oui Emily?”
“I know, nowhere near as polite,” agreed Emily as she patched up my shoulder. “Go easy on it, all right?”
“All right, that’s F***IN IT!” roared Deadpool as he drew his swords. “Every time you idiots do this to me; you make me lose a bit of my memory! While I’m more than happy to say bye-bye to Uncle Vance and his camping trip from Hell, I can’t risk losing the time I got lucky at band school! So, sit still and let me dice you up!”
“Henshin,” called Emily. As she turned into Touché, her foil blocked his swords. “Listen, Wadey, can I call you Wadey?”
“You can call me whatever you want while I carve you like a goddamn ham!” threatened Deadpool.
“3,706,” counted Touché, remembering all the pig jokes she heard in her life. “Wadey, I get what your shtick is.” She knocked his swords out of his hands.
“AH! MY TIPS!” he yelped.
“One of us does something to you that would kill a normal person,” continued Touché, “you DON’T die, you crack a joke that offends someone, we do it again, rinse and repeat! You’ve lost your luster, dude. So, take your swords, your guns, your Fourth Wall breaking, and go back to your native universe.”
“Eh, sorry,” mused Deadpool, “but, a job’s a job’s a job! And I’m getting paid big time to kill your boss. So, step aside and let this be the easiest 10,000,000,000,000 bucks I’ve ever made!”
“You mean studs, right?” I asked.
“Er, no, I meant bucks,” countered Deadpool. “And not the male venison!”
“Deadpool, neither side uses American Dollars,” remarked Joshua.
“What else is there?” asked Deadpool.
“Can whoever’s watching or writing this explain to Deadpool what’s going on?” Touché asked the heavens as she changed back. A laptop came up from a pedestal in the floor. Deadpool went to DeviantArt, typed in a username, and found the story the artist made. He stopped at a certain point and developed a nasty twitch.
“Studs?” he hissed. “They were gonna pay me…in STUDS?! THAT’S NOT LEGAL TENDER WHERE I’M FROM!! IT’S NOT EVEN ILLEGAL TENDER!! AND THEY WERE GONNA CONVERT ME INTO ONE OF THEIR CYBORGS INSTEAD OF GIVING ME CHIMICHANGAS?! Okay, deep breath…” he inhaled, then exhaled. We waited a few seconds. “Congratulations!” cheered Deadpool. “You’ve just convinced me to break contract and fight Lord Vortech with you guys!”
“What do you want in return?” I asked.
“You ARE a smart one, this ISN’T a freebie!” replied Deadpool. “I want the 10 trillion and chimichangas they promised me!”
“How many chimichangas?” asked Emily. “I think the replicators can make the desired amount.”
“A butt-load!” answered Deadpool. Emily checked the options and saw that there was, indeed, a butt-load option. She selected it and out came the promised amount.
“As for the money,” called X-PO, “how would exclusive rights to the money dimension work out for you?”
“There’s a money dimension?” I asked.
“You’re lying,” muttered Deadpool. X-PO opened a rift and Deadpool stuck his head through. After a few seconds where his arms went limp, he pulled out, his eyes wider than an insect’s. “I could retire on just .01% of that!” he breathed. “Take a look!” We all poked our heads through and…Deadpool wasn’t wrong! Stacks of cash, gold, and jewels as far as the eye can see.
“Smaug wouldn’t have needed Erebor’s gold!” I exclaimed. I turned to Deadpool. “Well? Will that settle our debt?”
“Immensely!” confirmed Deadpool. “In fact, Your Highness, you’re the first person to have me on retainer!” A card printed out of the gateway.
“Just tap the little blue circle and Dimension 1-N-F-1-N-1-T-3-C-4-5-H is yours,” explained X-PO.
“Speaking of dimensions, I gotta get back,” announced Deadpool. “Gotta sharpen my weapons, reload, add a few pouches to the suit…”
“You really ARE a Liefeld creation, aren’t you?” muttered Emily.
“Hey, at least my current artists can draw my feet!” snapped Deadpool. A portal opened up. “And that’s my ride. Smell you later!” Deadpool, mercifully, went through.
“Okay,” I muttered, “any MORE crazies we should deal with, or can we retire to our rooms?” Nothing happened. “Let’s get some rest then.” Everyone dispersed. “Hiroki Nee-san,” I said, “would you walk with me for a sec?”
“Of course,” replied Hiroki. We walked around, away from prying eyes. It was then I decided to speak.
“Sending Tanisha to the Portal universe without backup? What the heck?!” I snapped. Hiroki tensed up.
“Megumi,” he countered, “with all due respect, we were pressed for time. On top of that, Tonje’s not a gamer.”
“I’M not a gamer,” I reminded him, “and I survived that universe. Know why? Because I had the necessary backup. Tanisha would have guided Tonje through that universe just fine. If anything, it would have been easier on Tanisha so someone could have kept Igura off her back.”
“But, would explaining things not have slowed them down?” asked Hiroki. “That universe IS enemy territory.”
“That we have frustrated once before,” I reminded. “There would have been plenty of time for Tanisha to explain things to Tonje. I cannot have people underestimate one another. It’s because of having experts on certain universes that we survived thus far and it will continue to serve us all well. I don’t recall you raising any objections to me going to an unknown universe. Have I got that wrong and I didn’t hear your numerous objections?” That hit him.
“I…raised no such things,” he mumbled.
“Then I would advise you to extend that courtesy to the others, all right?” I directed.
“Yes, Sister,” he muttered. He left to his quarters without another word. The loneliness of command, gotta love it, huh?
“Lord Vortech, get me out of here!” wailed the potato battery I brought with me when I returned. In it was GLaDOS’ main neural processor.
“Considering your failure to destroy a Vortex Rider and the fact that you lost the rift technology Hiro left you,” snarled Vortech, “I see no reason to do so. You shall serve as a constant reminder to those that would dare fail me, Igura and Hiro, chiefly.”
“Excuse me?” I protested.
“You allowed yourself to be defeated by a child!” growled Vortech. “Your excursion into J-U-R-4-5-5-1-C-P-4-R-K had better not end in failure!” I gulped, realizing Vortech’s not in the mood for excuses.
“Yes, Lord Vortech,” I mumbled.
We arrived at Test Chamber 92. Some platforms were retracting and coming out repeatedly. GLaDOS spoke again. “Oh well,” she remarked, “if it isn’t the grand return of King Moron, his Mute Princess, and the Huntress. You’ve come ‘Back to the Future’ of science, I see. As I said earlier, not that you were listening, I’m still fixing up the place. So, hold on a moment.” She managed to fix the platforms to make a bridge as we headed to a rather open chamber.
“Oh, OH! I remember this test!” cheered Wheatley “I tried it once, couldn’t do it, and, well, I simplified it! See if you can do it, go on!” In the middle of the chamber was a weight switch that opened the door in the middle of the wall ahead. I assumed it triggered a ramp once unlocked. I summoned the Companion Cube and put it on the switch. It did as I assumed. “Yay!” called Wheatley. “You did it! Well done you!” I was about to approach the ramp, but Chell put a hand on my shoulder. She shook her head.
“You think GLaDOS would change the test back to its factory settings?” I guessed. Chell nodded. “I can see why you would say that,” I continued, “but, maybe, she won’t notice this one.”
“NO!” snapped GLaDOS. “This is NOT an acceptable Test Chamber! Nor is it acceptable to ruin perfectly good testing scenarios! Here, let me fix it to how it was!” The ramp went down and the weight switch flipped over. An energy ball emitter and its acceptor ran along the wall on the right of the door. Above them was a platform with turrets blocking the way to an excursion funnel leading to a weight switch. On the door’s left, there was an Aerial Faith plate leading to the turret platform and a panel on the ceiling facing one on the floor with a target switch nearby.
“Then again,” I wailed, “I could be the victim of wishful thinking!”
“I don’t want to say, ‘I told you so’, but I told you so!” signed Chell.
“I MAY have been a little hasty in thinking GLaDOS would let it slide,” I sighed as I summoned the turret and cube. I sighed as Chell made a portal from the wall panel to the ceiling panel. She got me to press the button to release the energy ball. Chell then got the turret to fire on the target switch. The panel on the floor tilted towards the acceptor. The energy ball went through the portal and was directed to the acceptor. It made the part of the bridge the turrets were on tilt to let them fall into a pit. Chell then grabbed the cube with the portal gun and used the Aerial Faith plate to get onto the platform once the bridge came back.
“Have you ever had a fly buzzing around your head that won’t leave you alone?” asked GLaDOS. “No matter how hard you try, you can’t get rid of it. It just keeps coming back time and time again.” Chell then put the cube into the Excursion Funnel and it floated up to the weight switch. The door unlocked again and the ramp came back.
“YaHEY!” cheered Wheatley. “That’s it! Simple, isn’t it really, once you’ve figured it out?” We went into the elevator and went up. Test Chamber 93 was our destination.
“This is one of my most recent chambers,” reported GLaDOS, “and you’ll be glad to know I’ve completely reinforced the Aerial Faith plates to account for your bubbly personality.” A target switch was near the door, connecting to an Aerial Faith plate on the wall. There was one on the ground as well. We explored further to see a light bridge connecting two areas. There was an energy ball emitter and a white panel facing it on the bottom. Chell made a blue portal on the panel. I summoned the turret and got it to fire at the target switch. It tilted the Aerial Faith plate on the wall. I used the one on the ground to reach the wall one and I went to the rightmost area. I saw an Excursion Funnel with a weight switch on the ceiling, summoned the cube, and placed it in the Funnel. It floated upwards, activating the switch. It connected to the Energy Ball transmitter and released a ball. Chell came up as well.
“Just a quick FYI,” warned Wheatley, “those High Energy Pellets are NOT candy and actually really hurt if you come into contact with them. Best to just use them to solve the Test Chamber and not try to eat them.”
“Did he try to do that?” signed Chell.
“This IS Wheatley we’re talking about,” I reminded her. Chell went to an area where there were two moving platforms to stand on and a white panel beside them. Chell made a blue portal, thus making the portal tunnel complete, and the High Energy Pellet went through and into an acceptor. It activated a piece of wall that allowed a white panel to appear on the side. We went on the moving platforms and went into the new area. Chell saw a tilting panel and made a portal between the two panels in the area. I went down a flight of stairs and summoned the cube again. I put it on the weight switch and it brought the tilted panel up and we went into the portal to get to the elevator.
“That wasn’t so hard,” signed Chell.
“Even SIGNING that is a bad idea!” I protested. We entered the elevator and went up, right into GLaDOS’ chamber. She had remodeled it after our last encounter and was humming to herself while looking through a door.
“Can’t even solve the test I sent them!” she hummed to herself.
“Hello!” called Wheatley. Idiot! We were going for stealth! “What are you hiding there?”
“You?!” snapped GLaDOS as she turned to face us. “I thought the elevator from Test Chamber 93 went to the incinerato…Party…Cake…Location! But, this makes sense. Criminals always return to the scene of the crime! And look who else showed up.” She tilted her “head” to a core on the ground. Cores are machines like Wheatley, but this one had an orange eye instead of Wheatley’s blue.
“Space is my favorite color!” it called.
“The Space Core?” I asked. That specific core was a corrupted one obsessed with Outer Space.
“Spaaaaace!” laughed the Space Core. “Spaaaaace! Spaaaaace? Space. Spaaaace.” Wheatley groaned.
“That guy is really annoying,” he moaned. “I mean, honestly, you wouldn’t believe how annoying he is. Very annoying, annoying, annoying.” He started flying around GLaDOS, the Space Core, and us! “Annoying! Annoying!” I think you get the picture. “And I just, I can’t even be bothered. I’ll explain what I mean later, but he’s…he’s annoying!” He started repeating that word again, for a while, until Chell whacked him without looking like Bruce Lee.
“GLaDOS,” I demanded, “I’m giving you one last chance! Surrender the rift tech you have or Chell and I will take it!”
“I’m surrendering NOTHING!” snarled GLaDOS. “You have embarrassed me for the final time, meat-sack! If I obeyed you, my credentials as a computer more powerful than anything Black Mesa could dredge up would be at stake!”
“I appreciate that your reputation might be a little shaken,” I conceded as I drew my i.d tag, “but not letting me have the tech now will be an action you’ll regret later! Henshin!
“I’m sorry,” taunted GLaDOS as I changed, “but there won’t be a later. Because, here’s another old friend of yours: neurotoxin!” The gas came up!
“Kamen Rider Hunt!” I called. “I shall always get my prey!” Chell looked at me. “Well, don’t you have a catchphrase?” I asked.
“No,” she signed, “because my vocal cords are paralyzed!”
“I love space!” remarked the Space Core.
“Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes,” said an announcer program.
“Time for round three, is it?” asked GLaDOS.
“Okay,” suggested Wheatley, “here’s my plan, I think we should try and force a good old-fashioned Core Transfer. Classic, okay? If we can find a way to damage her, then we can force that space monkey into her body!” Maybe I have a dirty mind, but that couldn’t have been what Wheatley meant. “Why not take a look around and see what we can use?”
“Keep it down!” I snarled.
“I will NOT have my core transferred!” shouted GLaDOS. “Can’t you learn some new tricks?” We found a weight switch. I summoned the cube and placed it onto the switch while Chell used the portal gun to make a portal going from a panel in front of a High Energy Pellet emitter and a panel behind GLaDOS. The energy ball came on and went through the portal. “OUCH!” protested GLaDOS as the pellet hit her. “What is it with you?!” The panel fell, revealing where the Space Core wandered off to.
“Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey Lady!” it called. “Space! Lady! Gotta go to space! Lady! Hey…space.”
“Warning,” announced the announcer program, “Core Corruption at 25%.”
“Yes!” cheered Wheatley. “Yes, this is it! You’re on to something! You’re on to something! Keep going with this! I like it! I love it! You look great, by the way, have you been working out?” We went up a ramp made from the wreckage and summoned the turret to shoot at a target switch. It activated an excursion funnel and I used an Aerial Faith plate to launch myself into it. I used it to arrive at a button which, when I pressed it, activated another panel behind GLaDOS. Chell made a portal between the new panel and the panel in front of the emitter. The cube was put back on the weight switch and the High Energy Pellet was thrown into GLaDOS’ backside.
“I let you go!” she snapped to Chell once she recovered. “I sent you away!! Why won’t you leave me alone?!! FOREVER!!!!” An explosion made a pipe full of repulsion gel spill its contents.
“Warning,” called the announcer program, “Core Corruption at 50%.”
“Oh, she does NOT like that!” mused Wheatley.
“One more should do nicely,” I pondered, “and then we can initiate the core transfer.”
“You cannot force me to agree to th-,” GLaDOS was cut off by static. “My voice?! What” more static “to my” more static. She regained her vocal processors. “All you need to do is turn around and leave! There is NOTHING for you here anymore!” I bounced on the Repulsion Gel and landed on the platform with a button. I was about to press when…it happened! At first, I didn’t want to believe it, but, there, delivering a kick to my ribs, was Igura!
“YOU?!” I snarled, remembering her involvement in Vortech’s plans.
“Me,” confirmed Igura. “And YOU are trespassing in Shocker Rift territory.”
“Shocker Rift?” I scoffed. “That’s what you guys call it?”
“Not my first choice, but the troops like it,” replied Igura as she revealed her belt, with the symbol of Shocker on it, an eagle holding the earth. “I don’t think I told you the name of my belt, did I? I call it the Talon Typhoon, so much better than the ‘Shocker Driver’ that Ambassador Hell wanted to call it.” She then did her henshin sequence like in the DC Comics world. She crossed her left arm in front of her, with the hand in a clawed fashion, and slowly moved it across the front with her right hand at her hip. “Nova…” she began. Her left hand then went to her hip as her right hand moved across her front with a clawed hand. “HENSHIN!” She opened the wings to split the Earth it had in its talons to reveal the fan. She ran to make enough wind pressure to make it turn and activate the suit. She became Kamen Rider Talon again. She drew her foil and we clashed. We were fighting over who stayed on the platform. I kept up the attack and switched my blade to gun mode. Talon leapt out of the way of my shots. She kept her distance, my intention, as I went for the button.
“STOP HER!” roared GLaDOS.
“What do you think I’m trying to do?!” screeched Talon. She leapt on me, we dropped our blades, and we grappled each other. I was doing everything I could to get to the button, but Talon was holding me back. We were in a tight spot. Soon, we were trying to push each other off the platform, then Talon got me in a better position. My back was to the button! When she pushed harder, I let go and side stepped to allow her to stumble towards and accidentally press the button. Another panel behind GLaDOS popped up and Chell made the portal again. She fired off one last High Energy Pellet. It caused damage.
“Warning,” alerted the announcer. “Core Corruption at 100%
“YaHEY!” cheered Wheatley. “Get in! That’ll teach her.”
“Manual Core Replacement required,” reported the announcer program.
“Quick!” called Wheatley. “Stick Spacey in there before she figures out another way to stop us!” GLaDOS tried flipping the panel the Core rested on, but Chell made a portal and grabbed it. She then installed the Space Core into the Core Replacement terminal.
“Alternate Core detected,” reported the announcer program. “Substitute core accepted. Substitute Core, are you ready to start the procedure?”
“Oooh! Yes! Yes! Let’s go to space!” answered the core.
“Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?” asked the announcer program.
“NO! NEVER! I AM NOT CORRUPTED!” shouted GLaDOS.
“Stalemate detected,” reported the announcer program. “Transfer procedure cannot continue unless a Stalemate Associate is present to press the Stalemate Resolution Button.”
“Don’t do it!” shouted GLaDOS.
“I would listen to her!” supplied Talon.
“Can’t do that, sorry,” I called. A button popped up.
“No!” roared GLaDOS.
“Yes!” I countered.
“Īe!” (No!) called Igura.
“Ndiyo!” (Yes!) I replied. I pressed the button. GLaDOS gasped.
“Stalemate resolved,” reported the announcer program. Panels popped up around GLaDOS and machinery started their work. The Core Replacement terminal brought the Space Core down. As the machinery did its work, I heard GLaDOS screaming.
“A beautiful sound, really,” signed Chell.
“I’m gonna have to debate that,” I gulped.
“As would I!” snarled Talon as she attacked us. The attacks went so rapidly that Chell couldn’t sign her thoughts. We ended up in the room GLaDOS poked her head into earlier. Inside, the was a gateway, like the one on Vorton! It didn’t have the Keystones, so, no powers for her. Thank goodness. Talon shoved us out of the room and back into the main chamber. The Space Core then spun around, screaming “SPACE!” and whacked a corner pipe off and sent it flying at Igura’s head. She didn’t duck fast enough.
“Vent system compromised,” called the announcer program. “Neurotoxin offline.”
“Oh, that was close!” sighed Wheatley. “I mean, not for me, but you two were almost done for. All right, now, let’s see what she was hiding. I bet she’s got tons of skeletons in her closet. Literally, there used to be loads of staff here. I’ve not seen hide nor hair of them.” Wheatley entered the room with us as I cancelled my transformation. He found something near the gateway. “Oi! What’s this then? Some sort of flash drive? Valuable stuff is on it, I bet! We could use it!” He then saw boxes with “Black Mesa” on them. “Well, I never! Where do you suppose she got these then?” While Chell face-palmed, I got to work on the gateway. Chell tapped my shoulder.
“What are you doing?” she signed as she retrieved the flash drive.
“I’m setting this thing to blow once we use it to get to Vorton,” I replied.
“What is V-O-R-T-O-N?” Chell had to spell out Vorton.
“The base of operations for me and my team,” I answered as I put the finishing touches to the program.
“Nice, what are you up to?” asked Wheatley, proving he hadn’t paid attention. The rift opened. “That answers that, then. After you?” Chell went first. I looked at Wheatley. “Go on, ladies first.”
“No, I need a brave knight to scout ahead with Chell,” I purred. I had to stoke his ego.
“Well, if you insist!” called Wheatley. He went in, then I followed. The truth is, I wanted to keep an eye on him since he betrayed Chell a while ago. The rest, you know, Your Highness.
This was a few minutes after you left, your Highness. As we shuffled off to do our own thing, Tonje and I headed to the top of Vorton. On top, there are multiple gateways to different dimensions spread out over two levels. We usually go there just to get some alone time. We sat up top, our feet dangling over the edge. I had a blanket with me as the upper levels are pretty cold. I wrapped us up and we leaned into each other. After a few minutes of just staring out into space, we had a quick smooch. We were about to wrap our arms around each other when an alarm went off. At least it happened AFTER we kissed. We darted down to the Gateway room to see Hiroki, Rusty, and X-PO there as well. “X-PO,” called Hiroki, “what’s the problem?”
“Unlawful experiments in vortex technology, that’s what!” reported X-PO. “The psycho A.I of Dimension P-0-R-T-4-L had caught on to how we travel through the vortex!”
“GLaDOS? With our tech? How?” yelped Tonje.
“Probably from when Hiro was in that universe last,” I mused.
“And with that universe claimed as enemy territory and given how close it is to us,” replied X-PO, “we’re sitting ducks!”
“Tanisha, I need you and Emily to stop GLaDOS now!” directed Hiroki
“Emily is busy with Emmanuel and Joshua in their medical practice,” reported Tonje. “Let me go with her.”
“I can’t have someone with little to no experience of a certain universe stumbling around,” said Hiroki, a little harsh, may I say. “Tanisha, since time is of the essence, you must go now.”
“But, what about backup?” I protested.
“There’s no time. You need to go,” directed Hiroki.
“But…!” I floundered.
“Thank you, that will be all!” snapped Hiroki with finality in his voice.
“Tanisha, you can handle GLaDOS,” assured Tonje. “You’ve done so in the games and in real life. You can do it again.” I released a breath.
“All right,” I replied. “Open a rift.”
“I obey!” obliged Rusty. He plugged in and got to work. “Target coordinates set! Proceed!” I jumped into the rift.
——————————————————————————————–
When I landed, I was in a storage facility. I made my way to a Test Chamber door and heard GLaDOS’ voice. “Well, well, well, look who’s back,” she droned. “You must love science almost as much as me. Which is good news because I’ve almost finished rebuilding the test chambers after Wheatley’s incompetence.”
“Hello?” called a voice I came to loathe! “Did someone say my name?”
“YOU!” hissed GLaDOS.
“Hiya!” said Wheatley. “Yeah, it’s me! Um…can I…do you mind me saying, I love those new blue portally things, they’re yours, right? Anyway, I have been on quite an adventure. Look at this, I even got fitted with anti-gravity!” It was then I saw the giant turret go into a rift. “Check this out, I can move up! And I can move down, opposite of up! Uuuup! Look at that! Doooown! Up-down-up-down! Up-down! Up-down! Left and right probably as well.”
“Wheatley, shut up!” I accidentally said aloud.
“Who was that?” asked GLaDOS. I was confused.
“Weren’t you talking to me earlier?” I quizzed.
“Oh, the huntress,” moaned GLaDOS. “No, I was talking to an unloved mute.” I then realized Chell was here. I opened the door and joined Wheatley and Chell.
“Hey! I remember you!” called Wheatley. “You’re that…Rider…thingy…that rides…the vortex! Yeah! You didn’t see me show off the anti-grav, so…”
“Be quiet!” barked GLaDOS.
“Oh dear,” muttered Wheatley, not listening. “Someone booted up on the wrong side of the BIOS this morning, if I’m not mistaken.”
“You test my patience,” hissed GLaDOS.
“Whatever patience you have,” I said to myself.
“What are YOU doing back here?” GLaDOS demanded of me. “Haven’t you caused enough damage already?”
“GLaDOS, it’s come to my attention that you’re experimenting in rift technology,” I hissed. “Surrender it at once. That kind of power is not to be trifled with!”
“After the damage you and your friends caused, I think I am owed this technology,” replied GLaDOS. “You, on the other hand, owe me a lot of testing.” It was then that the Test Chamber sign turned on and showed it as Test Chamber 89.
“Of course, you won’t surrender it,” I muttered.
“Well,” mused Wheatley, “as I really don’t know how I got back here, what we should do is crack on with these tests and try and retake over the faci…I mean, escape, by that, what I mean is escape, just…yeah…just escape. Let’s get going.”
“That kind of power is intoxicating, isn’t it?” I observed. Chell then tapped my shoulder.
“Can you use Sign Language?” she signed.
“Fluently,” I signed back. She grinned.
“You have no idea how refreshing it is to meet you,” she signed. “That stupid computer kept calling me all sorts of names and I knew she would just shrug off what I was saying if I used sign language. She would make bad charades guesses, I bet.”
“So, you’re not deaf?” I asked.
“No,” she signed, “just mute. In any case, we have to beat her!”
“You read my mind!” I replied. “Quick question, though, is your name pronounced with a hard ‘Ch’ or a soft one?”
“Hard, why?” she signed. “And how do you know what my name starts with?”
“Someone owes me $500 dollars,” I explained. “And, to explain, I come from another universe where your exploits are done up in a computer game franchise called Portal.”
“My suffering was done up for entertainment?!” she signed.
“I’m afraid so,” I replied. “Let’s just beat GLaDOS and get you out of here.”
“Good idea,” she signed. “And I have a way.” She whipped out her portal gun and made an orange portal on a white panel near us and a blue portal near the top of a ledge. “After you,” she signed. I curtsied and went through the portal. Dear God, that was awesome! I then saw that the door was locked and required something. I went to the blue portal and spoke to Chell.
“We have a weight switch up here and no Companion Cube,” I reported. “Can you find one down there?”
“One minute,” signed Chell. She disappeared and I heard something fall. I then looked over the edge and saw her get a Companion Cube. She used the portal gun to grab it and went through the portal to get to where I am. She set the cube onto the switch, unlocking the door.
“And open sesame!” called Wheatley. “We really are quite the formidable team. I got the brains and beauty, and uh, you two are also involved.” I snorted. We went to the elevator and entered Test Chamber 90.
“Did I mention I’m still getting around to cleaning the facility up,” droned GLaDOS, “after Captain Moron nearly blew it up with his stupidity?”
“So, um, still a bit bitter about that, are we?” mumbled Wheatley. We went up a ramp to see the door connected by some new sort of panel. It looked like some sort of target.
“So, do we need a turret?” signed Chell.
“Yeah, let’s go ask one to shoot at that repeatedly,” I muttered. I then looked around to see if inspiration would come. My eyes then stopped on some part and a glimmer of an idea formed, then it went from glimmer to full blown idea, and then it took off. “Then again,” I mused, “we could make our own.” I drew out my i.d tag. “Henshin!” I said. I then went through the whole sequence and donned my persona as Kamen Rider Hunt.
“Erm, how’s that gonna help?” asked Wheatley.
“Thank you for proving GLaDOS’ point, you moron,” I hissed. I ignored Wheatley’s protests as I swapped out my i.d tag for a certain Master Builder’s.
“Wyldstyle Steel!” announced my belt. I then donned the Wyldstyle armor. Chell was surprised when she saw the whole sequence.
“Doesn’t it hurt when that…thing slams its sides onto you?” she signed.
“Not at all,” I answered. “There’s enough space for a human to stand in and then some.” I then took my fist to the parts, making them into Lego bricks, built a turret, and it solidified into the real thing. This one looked at Chell but didn’t fire on her. Chell looked at me. “I programmed Sign Language into it,” I assured. She then turned to the turret.
“Could you shoot that target?” she signed. The turret turned and fired repeatedly. It undid a door lock. Chell went up a ramp, fired an orange portal near her and a blue portal at a panel on a ledge across from her. She went through and saw a laser beam.
“That Thermal Discouragement Beam is not part of this test,” relayed GLaDOS, “please disregard it.” Chell did so and pressed a button that released an energy ball from the wall. It traveled to a socket and activated a ledge for the door, unlocked it, and allowed a panel to tilt down. She went through the portal again to join us before moving the blue portal to the panel above the door.
“Away we go!” I called.
“It appears that your unparalleled ability to solve even the simplest of tasks has not deteriorated,” droned GLaDOS. “You must be very proud of yourself.” We ignored that comment and went through the portal to use the elevator. I pressed the summon button on my belt and got the turret with us into the elevator. We traveled all the way to Test Chamber 91. There were rows of turrets along a large gap. Chell used the portal gun to get us across. She rode the turret through the portal, I was surprised it held up an average human’s weight, and I followed behind. Wheatley stayed, thankfully, silent. The turret found another target switch and Chell ordered it to fire. It let a panel tilt down, so Chell changed the orange portal’s position to the one on the newly tilted panel. She went through, then came to view again.
“There’s a weight switch up here,” she signed. “Is there a Companion Cube button down there?”
“You mean there’s none up there?” I asked. She shook her head. “Sorry,” I said as I cancelled my transformation, “there’s none here.” She folded her arms in annoyance.
“How are we supposed to solve this now?” she signed. A light went off in her head. “Can you try summoning the Companion Cube from the first test chamber?”
“I can try,” I muttered. I pressed the summon button and a Companion Cube popped up.
“Not another unknown variable!” wailed GLaDOS.
“Put up or shut up!” I called, swapping accents to the Brooklyn one I got when I moved to America. “Coming up!” I warned Chell. She got out the portal gun and I tossed it to her. She caught it and set it down on the switch. It activated some sort of energy transporter; the wiki calls it an Excursion Funnel. That was when Wheatley spoke.
“That over there looks interesting, doesn’t it? I would point, but, you know, no arms. We discussed it.” He muttered. We went into the energy beam and floated along it.
“Aperture Science cannot be held responsible,” reported GLaDOS, “for anything occurring as a result of leaping aimlessly into Excursion Funnels. These include (but are not limited to) missing limbs, unconsciousness, and in some extreme situations, thinking you can escape the testing facility.” When we landed, a ramp came up, leading us to the door. It was locked and needed a Companion Cube to open it. I summoned it and we got it onto the weight switch. The door opened and we entered the elevator. It was at that point Wheatley decided to talk.
“Look at us, eh?” he chuckled to Chell. “Like old times. Completing test chambers together…and…doing other things together. Yes sir!” He got a little too close to Chell. “The old band, back together. Back on the road. Playing the hits. Talking to the groupies and uhhh…you know…well, just talking to them.” Chell pointed her portal gun at Wheatley, then the elevator stopped. “Um, heh, one quick question,” asked Wheatley, “are elevators meant to do that? It’s just that I’ve not had much experience with them, on account of not having fingers for any button pressing, which seems quite fundamental if you want to move a lift…elevator.” The floor then opened up beneath us.
“No, and they’re not supposed to do that, either!” I yelped as I got my i.d tag out. “Henshin!” As I transformed, gravity caught up to us and we fell. Chell grabbed onto Wheatley and I grabbed Chell’s legs. “PULL US UP, YOU IDIOT!” I shouted. “YOU HAVE ANTI-GRAVITY!”
“Not enough…for all…three…of us!” strained Wheatley. He then sparked. “Oh bother!” he said. We fell again with Wheatley repeating “bother” over and over. We reached the end and landed as a cat would. Chell and I were lucky as we had shoes designed to soften the impact. Wheatley bounced to the bottom. “Cheers, thanks for catching me,” he said, sarcasm heavy on his voice. We looked around and saw a run-down place. I’d say we were below the facility.
“Oh,” droned GLaDOS, “you were in THAT elevator. I must not have got around to fixing that one yet. Whoops.”
“Oh! Old Aperture!” gulped Wheatley. “We’ve gotta get out of here, I’ve heard this place is full of vicious birds!”
“Can we leave him?” signed Chell.
“No, we need him,” I sighed. An intercom crackled to life.
“Cave Johnson here!” called the voice. “Remember me? C.E.O., I kind of own this place and, by extension, you. Anyway, here at Aperture Science, we want to push you beyond your limits in order to further mankind’s potential. Speaking of which, we also went beyond our bank account limits, so, until I can secure us a small, multi-billion dollar loan or government grant, just pretend that any leaking pipes or broken platforms are all part of the tests.” Speaking of leaking, blue goo was dripping from a pipe.
“Oh, the bouncy goo!” signed Chell. “What did Cave Johnson call it?”
“I think it’s called Repulsion Gel,” I guessed. “After you?” Chell then jumped down and bounced higher than she fell. She landed on a platform and waved me up. I indulged a bit as I cancelled my transformation and bounced up in my civilian form.
“You just wanted to bounce in a dress,” signed Chell.
“The F.N.S has a trampoline back at our castle,” I answered. “Sometimes we dress wearers indulge ourselves.” I then saw something. “What is this, Geonosis?” I quipped. There was a crusher blocking our path.
“I think we need the turret again,” signed Chell. She pointed out a target switch. I summoned the turret and it started firing on the switch. The crusher stopped and allowed us passage. There was a portal accepting floor at the bottom and another platform with an overhanging panel.
“Looks like we’ll have to take the plunge,” I replied.
“I couldn’t agree more,” signed Chell. She made a blue portal at the bottom and an orange portal at the overhanging panel. We then jumped into the orange portal and ended up on the platform across. We went through an energy barrier and saw a ledge that was too high up for us.
“My kingdom for Repulsion Gel,” I sighed. I then saw a blue tube over a platform and a tilting panel before the ledge. A switch could open the tube. “Maybe I DON’T need to go that far,” I mused. “Chell, could you make a portal under the tube and leading to the panel? I have an idea.” Chell nodded and did so. I stepped on the switch and released repulsion gel through the portal. It landed below the ledge. After I made sure the area was completely covered, I stepped off the switch. The gel tube closed, cutting off the flow and we bounced up to the top of the ledge.
“Oh, look,” called Wheatley, “another elevator. Hopefully, that one will go right back to the top.” Cave Johnson’s voice rang through the facility again.
“Caroline,” he told his personal assistant, “I think I’ll have extra cheese on my four-cheese burrito today. Throw in a side of coleslaw too. Oh, wait, is this thing on?” We entered the elevator and went up to another level in Old Aperture. “Cave here!” boomed Cave Johnson’s voice when we arrived. “Remember, there is no ‘I’ in science. At least, not a capital one, except, maybe, if you shout. But, throw in a ‘w’, and there IS a ‘we’. And together, WE can do anything WE put our minds to. And, by WE, I mean YOU. By the way, there’s no ‘u’ in science, either. Another thing there aren’t any of are limits, thanks to that contract you signed on the way in, so get moving! Caroline, they DID sign it, right? Good. Okay, good talk. Goooood talk!” The voice switched off. There were crushers blocking our path in front of pipes. There was a button there, so, I HAD to press it. The pipes released orange goo and coated the floor.
“Propulsion Gel!” I called. “Wanna race?!”
“Unfair for you, really,” signed Chell. “Your dress will trip you up!”
“Wanna bet?” I challenged. “First one to the end of the crushers wins!”
“Let’s do it!” signed Chell. We got into running positions.
“Three! Two! One! GO!” I said. We raced along at top speed and reached the end when I skidded to a stop, causing Chell to bump into me. There was a gap between us and another platform! “ARE YOU KIDDING?!” I yelled. I looked over the edge and saw a pipe pointing to a tilted panel. There was another tilted panel above us. Chell made a portal between the two panels and pointed below a walkway past the crushers. I saw a button below us. “Let’s hope it leads to the pipe,” I gulped.
“Considering it’s the only one,” signed Chell, “I should hope so.” I went down the walkway and pressed the button. It released Repulsion Gel through the portal and onto the platform we needed. We walked to the beginning of the crushers and sped through them, this time, ending up bouncing on the Repulsion Gel and onto the ledge. There were two platforms up high that needed a target switch and a button press. Behind us were pipes, one with an orange label and one with a blue label.
“Umm,” mumbled Wheatley, “just wanted to say…um…hopefully, no hard feelings about the whole ‘trying to bump you off’ thing, which, let’s be honest,” Chell decided to use a walkway to find the button for the blue pipe, “it DOES seem like a rather common occurrence around here,” continued Wheatley. “But, anyway, um, hope that’s all in the past,” I caught up with Chell, “and, um, that we can be…BFF’s! Can we BFF’s? Can we? I will take, from your deafening silence, that we are now BFF’s! BFF forever!”
“You have no intention of putting that incident in the past, do you?” I whispered to Chell.
“That moron tried to kill me!’ signed Chell after she pressed the button. “No way am I letting that go!” We went up the walkway to see that the pipe we opened released Repulsion Gel on the floor near the platform with a weight switch. Chell then pointed out a button hidden by a cage with a white panel and pointed out another panel under the target switch ledge. She made a portal between the two areas and pressed the button to release Propulsion Gel. I bounced up to the weight switch and summoned the Companion Cube. It set down on the switch and tilted a panel on my ledge up. Chell then changed one end of the portal to go onto the panel I released. Cave Johnson spoke again.
“The next bi-yearly raffle is nearly upon us,” he announced. “The Grand Prize is whatever shower curtains I can dig out, a true piece of our company’s history.” I jumped down, leaving the cube on the switch and raced along the Propulsion Gel to go through the portal at high speeds and land on the target switch ledge. I summoned the turret and it fired. It powered down a force field and allowed us to get through. I jumped down as Chell changed one end of the portal to go onto a white panel behind the former force-field. We went through and approached an elevator!
“Ah, another elevator!” called Wheatley. “And I still don’t have fingers for the buttons, so, that’s not gonna…hang on, I’ve got an idea!” He bashed himself into the elevator. “Ow! No? Hang on, I’ve got another idea.” He turned himself around and put his back to the controls. “I should’ve thought of this sooner,” he said. “I’ll just plug myself into the controls.” He tried various ways, none of them succeeding. Chell rolled her eyes and used the Portal Gun to ram Wheatley into the controls. “And away we go, ladies!” Chell and I entered the elevator and we ascended back into modern day Aperture Science.