“So, the war between you and Tak is over and you’re the victor,” remarked the Doctor. “Still, calling ANY war ‘Great’, it just…yuck!”
“Save your insults for people shorter than us, Doctor!” snarled Zim.
“Will you depart Earth or not?!” growled the Doctor.
“Are you threatening me?! If so, you haven’t a leg to stand on! As I said, Earth was kept OUT of the crossfire! I even behaved when Dib and Gaz vanished!”
“…Dib and Gaz Membrane?” asked the Doctor. “They vanished in your-?” A nasty theory formed in her head. “…Oh no!”
“What’s wrong with you?” asked Zim. “…Oh yes! You still care for the worthless inhabitants of this rock!” The Doctor snapped her thoughts back to the current crisis.
“I warn you, Zim! Earth has colonies ready to defend the cradle of their civilization!” she declared.
“I think even the shortest Irken can handle the humans’ primitive ships!” cackled Zim.
“I very much doubt that.”
“There’s no UNIT to stop me, Doctor! And no Zygons, as you said! These creatures that replaced the human stink will be excellent slaves! Earth shall become Foodcourtia II!”
“It most certainly will not!” argued the Doctor.
“You’re in no position to tell me what can and can’t be done!” Zim then grinned wickedly. “But I’m nothing if not merciful,” he said. “I’ll give you forty-eight earth hours to prepare this planet properly. Otherwise, I conduct the Organic Sweep and sterilize all life!” He turned to his subordinates. “We’re leaving!” he ordered.
“Yes, my Tallest!” replied his underlings. One of then pressed a button on his wrist and the three Irkens vanished.
“…Dib and Gaz Membrane,” muttered the Doctor. “…And their disappearance is recorded in history. …Drat.”
The Doctor returned to Tysar, noticing that two people were gone. “…Tysar, where are the Squid Sisters?” she asked.
“They went to the Inkopolis News Station,” replied Tysar. “Special announcement about the Irken Invasion. They overheard everything and wanted to calm the people down, assure them that you wouldn’t surrender the Earth to the Irkens.”
“And they’re right, because I won’t,” said the Doctor. By then, the Squid Sisters returned.
“We just got off the phone with our agents,” said Callie. “They’ve delayed our concert until this crisis is dealt with.”
“The Captain also reassigned our mission to his successor, the new Agent 3,” continued Marie. “What do you need us to do, Doctor?”
“First off, we’ve got forty-eight hours to deal with the Irkens and see if my hypothesis is true,” replied the Doctor.
“Doctor, Zim said that two humans vanished from his time,” said Tysar.
“Dib Membrane and his sister, Gaz,” explained the Doctor. “I really hope that the chronal surge didn’t grab them and plop them here. Because if their disappearance was recorded and they were never found…then we can’t bring them back.”
“What?” asked Tysar. “Y-You mean that bringing them back would…damage time somehow?!” She then started thinking about her own situation. “…Would that mean-?!”
“For you, I don’t know,” sighed the Doctor. “…But I WILL check your timeline when this adventure is over. For now, we need to see if Dib and Gaz are in this time.”
Aboard the Irken Flagship, the Massive, Zim was in his office, indulging in some snacking. As he snacked, the computer in his desk beeped. “Oh, what is it now?!” he complained. A spider-like robotic leg then grew from his PAK and tapped the computer. His new SIR unit, titled XIR (X-treme Information Retrieval), appeared on screen. “What is it, XIR?” he demanded.
“My Tallest,” said XIR, “two humans have appeared on the Massive. All physical indicators point to their names being Dib and Gaz Membrane.”
“Your sensors must be faulty!” scoffed Zim. “There’s no way they’re alive after all this time, even accounting for their disappearance!” He then slurped on some soda through a straw as XIR continued its report.
“We are currently interrogating the two humans…but the one that looks like Gaz is as scary as her! And the male that looks like Dib has as big a head as him!”
“MY HEAD’S NOT BIG!” protested a voice. Zim spat out his soda in surprise. That was Dib’s voice!
“TELL THE INTERROGATORS TO STOP!” ordered Zim. “I’M CONDUCTING THIS ONE PERSONALLY!” He got up from his desk and strode out of his office.
Zim arrived in the interrogation room to see two humans, roughly his height. One was a woman in a black skirt and shirt with purple hair and an expression that cowed many Irkens. The other was a man with glasses, slicked hair, and a black trenchcoat. “It can’t be!” protested Zim. “Dib and Gaz vanished millennia ago!”
“Yeah, well you can blame Gaz here!” snarled the man as he nodded his head angrily at the woman. “She stole UNIT property and took advantage of a chronal surge!”
“That was a Cyberman’s chronal net and you know it!” retorted the woman.
“It’s UNIT property and YOU know it!”
“ENOUGH!” shouted Zim. “XIR, did they have a chronal net on their person?”
“The scary woman had it, specifically,” replied XIR.
“XIR?” asked the man. “What’s the X stand for?”
“Extreme, what else?” asked Zim.
“…Z-Zim, extreme starts with an ‘e’ and-.”
“It’s MY updated SIR unit and I get to name it!” snarled Zim. He then calmed down. “…So, it IS you, Dib, Gaz! …Gaz, why would you steal a chronal net?”
“To take advantage of the chronal surge,” replied Gaz. “I was hoping to get a place where I could finally get away from humans, but now I see from your systems that the whole damned race spread out to the stars!”
“…I mean, yes, it IS annoying, but YOU belong to the human race-.”
“AND I HATE IT! I hate having to be part of a race that’s so idiotic! All I want to worry about are video games and pizza and people always get in my way about that! I want to crush the human race and any others that would get in my way! You have the tech needed to crush them, I have ideas on how to do that!”
“Gaz, wait a minute!” protested Dib. “You’re selling out the human race of this time!”
“More like the Cephalo-sapiens, but humans too,” remarked Zim.
“…Cephalo-sapiens?” asked Gaz. “Like…talking squids and octopuses?!”
“And live their lives exactly like humans of your time.” Gaz couldn’t believe what she was hearing! “There IS a future I have planned for it, though,” offered Zim.
“And what’s that?!” demanded Gaz.
“Like us Irkens, you lot enjoy fast food, especially that…pizza, I believe it’s called. How would you like it if you helped me make Earth into Foodcourtia II?” Gaz arched an eyebrow.
“…What do I get for helping you?” asked Gaz. “Not that I’m really objecting.”
“Joint rule of the Irken Empire,” replied Zim. “A PAK to make sure you live as long as us, an entire empire at your command, and all the hedonism you want to unleash. What do you say?”
“…One slight change,” said Gaz. “…I want to fire the first shot for the Organic Sweep, Tallest Zim!”
“Done, Tallest Consort Gaz!”
“…Consort?” asked Gaz, a little disgusted.
“Just a title, no real meaning. It’s just something we have to use when an alien helps rule the Empire jointly.”
“…No romance involved?”
“None whatsoever. Friends at best.”
“…I think we can work out a friendship.”
“GAZ, YOU TRAITOR!” shouted Dib.
“Orders, my Tallest? Tallest Consort?” asked XIR. Zim undid Gaz’s restraints and nodded to her, indicating that she should decide Dib’s fate.
“Throw my big brother in the brig,” she ordered. “We’ll deal with him when Earth becomes Foodcourtia II.”
“While you’re doing that, inform the Control Brain Monitors,” ordered Zim, “that a PAK for Gaz needs to be made.”
“Yes, my Tallest, Tallest Consort.” XIR saluted and dragged Dib away.
Back in Inkadia, the Doctor was working on a machine. It looked like one of the spawn points usually seen in Turf Wars. “Doctor, what are you doing?” asked Marie. “That’s a decommissioned Spawn Point!”
“And it SHOULD work as a transmat,” replied the Doctor.
“Doctor?” asked Marie.
“I checked the TARDIS historical databanks on the Irken Empire,” explained the Doctor. “All my research agree with Zim in that he defeated Tak and won the Irken Civil War two thousand years before the Flood that eventually gave rise to you lot. …So why is he only attacking now? Questions, questions.”
“You’re not planning on going up into an Irken ship, are you?!” protested Marie.
“Sorry, Thal overhearing that last tidbit, along with Callie,” called Tysar as she arrived. “Marie DID draw the wrong conclusion, did she?!”
“Actually, she didn’t,” replied the Doctor. “Specifically, I’m going onto the Irken Flagship.”
“Don’t be absurd!” protested Tysar.
“Doctor, there’s no way you’ll survive that!” agreed Callie.
“Callie and Tysar are right, Doctor!” urged Marie. “They’ll shoot you on sight!”
“See, the thing is, I have some research to conduct,” replied the Doctor.
“Doctor!” protested Tysar.
“Zim chose this moment to fulfill his ‘mission’ of conquering Earth for the Irken Empire when he already won the Irken Civil War!” insisted the Doctor. “Now, either we dither here and hope against hope that help from the human colonies arrive before the Irkens conduct their Organic Sweep or I beam myself onto the Massive and make their job easier while getting information along the way!”
“But what if the Irkens just blast you to plasma?!” argued Tysar.
“Well, at least I will have tried,” said the Doctor. She then finished up.
“Doctor-!”
“If I’m wrong, bring whoever you can into the TARDIS!” directed the Doctor. “It’ll bring you all somewhere safe!” She hopped onto the modified Spawn Point and then vanished.