It was times like this that Dib wished Zim was still morbidly obese in Doomsville after finally learning the truth of his exile. Now things got so complicated. …Maybe the previous Tallest should have had Zim executed or at least put on trial. …Oh well, no point in the woulda-coulda-shouldas. Now he had to focus on getting out of his cell! He checked his pockets…and recalled that the Irkens had emptied his pockets before they interrogated him. “…Right, better see if there’s useful tech in-.” He then heard a noise outside his cell. “…Hello?!” he called aloud.
“Dib?! Dib Membrane?!” replied a woman’s voice.
“Yeah! I’m in here!” called Dib.
“One second!” said the woman’s voice. He then heard a familiar buzzing! The door opened and Dib saw the Doctor as she twirled her sonic screwdriver in her hand successfully. “Dib Membrane!” greeted the Doctor.
“…Doctor, is that you?” asked Dib.
“Count the hearts!” replied the Doctor as she removed her glove so Dib could feel her pulse. Dib checked and goggled, then sighed in relief.
“Your UNIT files told me you change your face often,” he said. “Your current appearance looks good!”
“Thank you!” bid the Doctor. “Now, we don’t have much time! I’m sure you’ve guessed where and when you are.”
“Yeah, Gaz took advantage of a chronal surge,” replied Dib. The Doctor arched an eyebrow.
“…Your sister? Why?” she asked.
“She hates the human race with a passion!” replied Dib. “She’s sold out Earth just so she could have endless video game time and pizza!”
“…She’s the Tallest Consort, isn’t she?” guessed the Doctor. “I always knew an alien would be to Zim what the previous two Tallest were to each other. They’ll both fall into hedonism!”
“Doctor, Gaz is ready to start the Organic Sweep!”
“Well, good thing I’m here, then!” The Doctor found a control console and began her work.
“…Can we go back?” asked Dib. The Doctor paused her work.
“…I’m sorry,” she said, “but your disappearance was recorded and…you were never found again in your home time. You…you can’t go back, otherwise it will damage time.” Dib sighed.
“Oh well, worth a shot.”
Back with Zim and Gaz, Gaz was waking up from anesthesia. “…Did you really have to put me to sleep?” she grumbled.
“When adult Irkens are implanted with a PAK,” explained Zim, “the process is painful. Believe me, the pain would have corrupted the computer systems in the PAK. Now, once you’re recovered, a test is needed. Just to make sure it’s properly working. We’ll start with the legs. Just think of you growing extra arthropod legs out of your back.” Gaz concentrated…and four robotic spider-like legs sprouted from her PAK and hoisted her up. She then thought about moving forward and the legs carried her forward. Gaz grinned. “Now, retraction is a little more difficult, but-.” The legs then set Gaz down and retreated into her PAK. “…Or you could catch on faster than an Irken,” muttered Zim. Just then, the alarms sounded.
“What’s going on?!” demanded Gaz.
“Intruder alert!” warned XIR. “Target known as the Doctor is aboard the Massive!”
“WHAT?!” shouted Zim. “Where is she?!”
“Brig area, Cell Block Gamma! She opened Cell Gamma Nine!”
“Dib!” hissed Zim. “Alert all troops in the area! The Doctor and Dib must NOT interfere!”
“Come on! Come on!” growled the Doctor. She then lit up! “Yes! Organic Sweep protocols!”
“What are you doing?!” asked Dib.
“Sabotaging the Organic Sweep!” replied the Doctor. “It will take more than the forty-eight hours Zim gave me to fix it!” It took all but a few seconds for the Doctor to screw up the coding needed to operate the weapons! “HAHA! Perfect!”
“HANDS IN THE AIR, ALIEN SCUM!” shouted a voice. The Doctor and Dib turned to see that they were surrounded by Irkens.
“…It was like that when we got here!” Dib lied. The Irkens just narrowed their eyes in disbelief that he tried that. “…Okay, that was not one of my better ones.”
“Bring them to the bridge!” ordered the taller of the Irkens.
Back in Inkopolis, Tysar was fiddling with the Spawn Point. “Not you too!” complained Marie.
“The Doctor’s fighting alone right now and she gets a little too self-sacrificing when she does that!” retorted Tysar. “Now, either I dither here like a damsel in distress or I go up there and help her!”
“If you’re going, then I’M going!” declared Callie.
“Callie, no!” argued Marie.
“Callie, listen to your cousin!” urged Tysar. “Your roller’s ineffective against laser weapons!”
“In fact, INK is ineffective against lasers!” continued Marie.
“I’m not letting the Doctor fight alone!” insisted Callie. Tysar had finished her adjustments by now.
“There!” called the Thal. “See you-!” Callie then jumped onto the Spawn Point. “HEY! YOU GET OFF THAT-!” Too late. Callie vanished. “Oh for-!”
“I’m going after her!” called Marie as she jumped onto the Spawn Point.
“NO! GET BACK-!” Too late again. Marie vanished. Tysar developed a nasty twitch, then stamped her feet as she unleashed a flurry of curses in her native Thal language that shall not be translated here as they’re unbelievably rude. She then hopped onto the Spawn Point and went after the Squid Sisters.
The Doctor and Dib were taken to the bridge where Zim and Gaz were understandably unhappy with the sabotage. An Irken technician reported their findings. “It looks like it’s going to take a full week to undo what the Doctor did,” they said. “seventy-two hours at best if we activate our PAKs’ overdrive mode, something we all think is best, my Tallest.”
“Do it!” ordered Zim. He turned back to the offending saboteurs. “Well, Doctor, you made your decision for Earth a little early, huh?” he said. “I WAS going to be merciful and make this a mining planet, but thanks to you, it WILL become Foodcourtia II!”
“Oh, please!” scoffed the Doctor. “As if Sizz-lorr would allow that!”
“Sizz-lorr is now under MY command! HE obeys ME! He has no choice but to allow it!” Zim then drew in a breath a calmed himself. “Doctor, there’s a way for you to get into my good graces, and that is to undo your sabotage!”
“I’m afraid your good graces are rather on the low end of my list of priorities,” replied the Doctor.
“I’d advise you to reconsider, Doctor,” warned Gaz.
“You know, Dib told me about what you sold Earth out for!” snarled the Doctor. “All to satisfy your hedonism?! That’s your planet you’re betraying!”
“You think I care, Doctor?!” retorted Gaz. “Humans have always done the stupid things and pushed themselves to the brink of World War III! Whether it’s the pedophiles we put into office or the useless protests, we’ve proven that we’ve lost the right to our own destiny! Better to end it now than let Earth slide into decadence and decay!”
“Decadence and decay?! What do you think happened to Blorch?! Or Foodcourtia?! It’s what YOUR planet’s future will be! The nightmare of all slaves working one specific field! Hell on Earth! The apocalypse!”
“At least people will be honest about it!” Before the Doctor could refute Gaz’s claims, the alarms sounded again.
“Intruder alert!” warned XIR.
“What the-?! SECURITY! DOES THE EMPIRE NO LONGER HAVE IT?!” complained Zim.
“Identify them!” ordered Gaz.
“Two Inklings, one Thal, according to readings taken,” reported XIR.
“Tysar!” hissed the Doctor. She ran her hand down her face. “One of these days, I’m going to get a companion that will understand that ‘stay put’ means to stay put!”
“You just HAD to go onto the ship, didn’t you?!” Tysar snapped at Callie.
“I wanna help!” protested Callie.
“Callie, these guys have LASERS!” argued Marie. “You’ve got an oversized roller and my charger can’t do anything rapid fire! We-!” The Irkens then arrived.
“HANDS IN THE AIR, ALIEN SCUM!” shouted one.
“No time for arguments!” called Callie as she pulled out her roller. She then slammed it onto the ground and steamrolled over the Irkens!
“MY SQUEEDLYSPOOCH!” screamed an Irken.
“I got you, Greenie Grandma!” called another Irken as he aimed his gun at Marie. Marie then pulled out her charger and fired, her shot knocking the gun out of the Irken’s hands! “I-I DIDN’T MEAN THAT GRANDMA COMMENT!” he begged. Marie fired again, the impact of her ink knocking the Irken out.
“…Come on, we need to pick up Callie and find the Doctor,” sighed Tysar.
“Got it!” agreed Marie. The two of them ran after Callie.
Everyone on the bridge saw the chaos unfolding from Callie’s charge! “HOW IS A ROLLING PAINTBRUSH DOING THAT?!” protested Zim.
“What’s the matter, Zim?!” taunted Dib. “Your Squeedlyspooch can’t take it?!”
“I’ll be feasting on your brain meats, Dib!” warned Zim.
“Sir,” called an Irken, “something is wrong! The Organic Sweep is activating on its own!”
“WHAT?!” yelped Zim.
“How bad is that?” asked Gaz.
“Without manual control, the Organic Sweep will vaporize the planet instead of bombard it!” replied Zim. “Earth won’t exist as a member of the Irken Empire! It won’t exist PERIOD!”
“…Oh dear,” muttered the Doctor, thinking she made a catastrophic mistake.