Tag: invader zim

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 6

Ink of Doom: Part 4

The Irken Armada was priming its weapons as error reports flooded the Massive. “…Okay, not going to lie, my sabotage WASN’T supposed to imperil the Earth,” said the Doctor. By then, Tysar and the Squid Sisters arrived.

“NOBODY MOVE!” demanded Callie as she raised her roller and Marie aimed her charger.

“What the-?! How did you three get here with weapons that fired ink instead of-?!” protested the Doctor. She then thought for a moment. “…Actually, here is probably the safest place for you three specifically.”

“Why, Doctor?” asked Tysar.

“Because her attempt to sabotage the Organic Sweep,” replied Gaz, “has actually set it so that the Earth would be space dust instead of the new food court planet we wanted.”

“So, Irkens, I’d say disregard Callie’s instructions on not moving, because we ALL need to move to stop the Organic Sweep,” said the Doctor.

“I’M the Tallest here! I’M the one that gives the orders!” snapped Zim. “…Everyone, help the Doctor fix the Organic Sweep!” Tools on spider-like limbs sprouted from Zim’s PAK. All Irkens and Gaz did the same as the Doctor pulled out her sonic screwdriver.

“We’ve got two minutes before the weapons open fire!” warned Dib.

“There’s not enough time for a full shutdown of the Organic Sweep!” yelped XIR.

“We’ll need to redirect the weapons fire!” replied the Doctor. “Gaz, Zim, can you two adjust the weapons angle by thirteen degrees?”

“That should be possible,” replied Zim.

“Adjusting now!” called Gaz.

“We’re also going to need to lower the intensity by 52%,” continued the Doctor.

“Let me take care of that!” replied Dib.

“One minute left!” warned XIR.

“New spatial coordinates confirmed!” called Zim.

“Intensity adjusted!” reported Dib. Zim grinned.

“Even with a malfunction, the inhabitants of Earth will surrender!” cackled Zim. Gaz smiled.

“You just prepared the Earth for our conquest, Doctor,” she said. She turned to XIR. “Begin planetary broadcast for after our weapons open fire.”

“Yes, Tallest Consort!” replied XIR.

“Doctor!” called Tysar.

“Steady now,” soothed the Doctor, crossing her fingers.

“Five, four, three, two, one! Firing sequence has begun!” called an Irken. …The Massive then rocked as it was hit with laser fire while it shot other ships in the Armada! From a distance, it looked like the Irken Armada was firing on itself. The weapons switched off as the alarms blared.

“REPORT!” ordered Zim.

“I don’t understand, Sir!” replied an Irken Engineer. “Those repairs we made should have made all weapons fire away from Earth but still light up their skies!”

“So why did we attack our own ships?!” demanded Gaz.

“I don’t know, Ma’am!” replied the Irken Engineer. “I’m getting malfunction reports from every deck of every ship!”

“Wait, where are our prisoners?!” called XIR. The Doctor, Dib, Tysar, and the Squid Sisters were gone! Zim snarled.

“They screwed everything up!” he snarled. “I want all hands to fix everything!” he ordered. “We’ll turn Earth into Foodcourtia II one way or-!”

“Sir, a teleporter to Earth was just activated!” called an Irken Security Officer. “Our prisoners got away!”

“Send out a-!” called Gaz.

“Alert!” called another Irken.

“WHAT NOW?!” shouted Gaz.

“Alien fleet incoming!” called the Irken. “Their weapons are primed and ready!”

“We’re being hailed!” alerted the Communications Irken.

“Put it through!” ordered Zim. The call went through.

“O Jo Blo Ro To Mo Co Fo Ro!” barked a voice.

Back on Earth, the Doctor listened in on the call. “The Judoon?! I thought the Wrarth Warriors were coming!” she grumbled.

“Who are the Judoon?” asked Callie.

“Thug police,” replied Dib. “I met them once in my time. Reminds me a lot of American Cops.”

“…I am SO sorry,” shuddered the Doctor.

“The Judoon are preparing to attack!” warned the Irken Communications Officer.

“We don’t have enough power for weapons!” called the Tactical Officer. “We can’t fight back!” Zim hated that he had to give such an order, but even HE could see how outmatched the Irken Armada was against the Judoon.

“…Withdraw,” he ordered. Everyone looked at him. Gaz didn’t bother, knowing that he was right. “…You heard your Tallest! Give all available power to the FTL drives and set course back to Irk! We’ll be slaughtered if we fight the Judoon! Any ship that falls behind is left behind! …Withdraw to Irk!”

On the screen the Doctor had wired up, everyone could see that the Irken Armada was fleeing the Judoon Fleet! The Judoon ships laid in a pursuit course and followed the Irken Armada! “YES!” cheered the Doctor. “And away they go!”

“Doctor, what did you do?” asked Tysar.

“I tampered with the Irkens’ firing systems a bit,” replied the Doctor. “In essence, I made their targeting computers think that the smaller objects were planets to be fired upon while the planet was the Irkens’ new mothership!”

“But you made it so that they’ll be able to fix their ships,” remarked Dib, recalling the intensity adjustment.

“Well, I didn’t want them dead,” replied the Doctor. “I needed them to see that a more capable fleet could take them on in their weakened state. They’re retreating back to Irk now…though I’d prefer it if the Wrarth Warriors were sent instead of the Judoon. That’s who I asked for during the initial sabotage.”

“So it was a trap, huh?” asked Callie. “And that’s why you wanted us here.”

“Well, turns out I overdid it during my first sabotage and didn’t calibrate properly,” said the Doctor, “so disobeying me actually saved your lives in the long run. …Just don’t make a habit out of it. …Now, Dib…I said this already, but…”

“I can’t go back,” replied Dib. “Yeah, I understand. …Oh well! I can teach the new present how we did things in UNIT and the Swollen Eyeball Network!” The Doctor smiled at his gusto!

“The galaxy at large will need your help, Dib Membrane!” she said. “Good luck!”

“You too, Doctor!” bid Dib. He then headed off.

“Hey, where are you going?!” called Tysar.

“Somewhere with humans, I’m guessing!” replied Dib as he turned a corner.

“…Are there-?” asked Tysar.

“They retook Alterna,” replied Callie. “We can direct him there.”

“We can’t, Callie,” reminded Marie. “Concert?”

“Oh, Squid! Yeah! Sorry, Doctor! We gotta go!” Callie rushed off to collect her bags.

“Thanks for saving the world again, Doctor,” said Marie as she followed Callie.

“…Well, with all that,” said the Doctor, “back to the TARDIS!”

The Doctor and Tysar had returned to the TARDIS and it was spinning through the Time Vortex. The Doctor was typing some queries into the console as Tysar reentered the console room. “Morning,” she said.

“Hm? Oh, morning,” replied the Doctor.

“…Doing late night research?” asked Tysar.

“I promised you that I’d find out if you make to New Davius or not,” answered the Doctor. “Even then, I can’t tell you the specifics, but-.” The console beeped. The Doctor parsed the results quickly, then smiled. “…As I said, no specifics, but all possible timelines indicate that you DO return to New Davius!”

“YES!” cheered Tysar. “…Wait, you said all possible timelines. Does that mean that…even the bad ones…?”

“Yes, even the bad ones,” confirmed the Doctor. “So, let’s just try and get as good a return for you as possible, hm?”

“Sounds good to me!” replied Tysar. “I’m going to make breakfast. You coming?”

“In a minute,” answered the Doctor. “I need to check with Gallifrey on the Grouping’s progress.”

“All right. See you then!” Tysar headed to the TARDIS kitchen as the Doctor placed her hands on the telepathic circuits.

“Doctor calling Gallifrey,” she said. “Doctor calling Gallifrey. Come in, Gallifrey. Do you read?” Stognav then appeared on the screen.

“Gallifrey receiving,” he said. “Doctor, how fares your personal travels?”

“Eh, you know, still dealing with the chronal surges,” replied the Doctor. “How goes any research?”

“We’ve stumbled across notes Tecteun left within the Matrix,” explained Stognav. “Doctor, I’m sorry to say that the Grouping will get worse before it gets better. Thanks to the Flux event you went through, there won’t be enough people to undo all of the damage done by chronal surges.” The Flux, that event always weighed heavily on the Doctor’s mind. She could still see that wave of anti-matter ripping through space and time and almost killing her favorite planet after successfully killing half the universe. She could still remember the Toymaker’s taunts on the subject. …And now Dib and Gaz’s timeline was permanently damaged, all because of Gaz choosing her hedonism over her planet.

“…Keep me posted, will you?” asked the Doctor as she sent all available data on the chronal surge she had to deal with.

“Will do,” replied Stognav. “Data received. We’ll be processing it. Gallifrey out.” The call ended and the Doctor sat down. The TARDIS beeped in concern for her pilot.

“…After putting my fourteenth incarnation in therapy on Earth with Donna,” mumbled the Doctor, “and yet it somehow haunts ME! …Unless he passed and his memories passed on to me.”

“Doctor!” called Tysar. “Breakfast!”

“…Food, yes, that might help,” muttered the Doctor to herself. She then got up. “Coming, Tysar!”

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 6

Ink of Doom: Part 3

It was times like this that Dib wished Zim was still morbidly obese in Doomsville after finally learning the truth of his exile. Now things got so complicated. …Maybe the previous Tallest should have had Zim executed or at least put on trial. …Oh well, no point in the woulda-coulda-shouldas. Now he had to focus on getting out of his cell! He checked his pockets…and recalled that the Irkens had emptied his pockets before they interrogated him. “…Right, better see if there’s useful tech in-.” He then heard a noise outside his cell. “…Hello?!” he called aloud.

“Dib?! Dib Membrane?!” replied a woman’s voice.

“Yeah! I’m in here!” called Dib.

“One second!” said the woman’s voice. He then heard a familiar buzzing! The door opened and Dib saw the Doctor as she twirled her sonic screwdriver in her hand successfully. “Dib Membrane!” greeted the Doctor.

“…Doctor, is that you?” asked Dib.

“Count the hearts!” replied the Doctor as she removed her glove so Dib could feel her pulse. Dib checked and goggled, then sighed in relief.

“Your UNIT files told me you change your face often,” he said. “Your current appearance looks good!”

“Thank you!” bid the Doctor. “Now, we don’t have much time! I’m sure you’ve guessed where and when you are.”

“Yeah, Gaz took advantage of a chronal surge,” replied Dib. The Doctor arched an eyebrow.

“…Your sister? Why?” she asked.

“She hates the human race with a passion!” replied Dib. “She’s sold out Earth just so she could have endless video game time and pizza!”

“…She’s the Tallest Consort, isn’t she?” guessed the Doctor. “I always knew an alien would be to Zim what the previous two Tallest were to each other. They’ll both fall into hedonism!”

“Doctor, Gaz is ready to start the Organic Sweep!”

“Well, good thing I’m here, then!” The Doctor found a control console and began her work.

“…Can we go back?” asked Dib. The Doctor paused her work.

“…I’m sorry,” she said, “but your disappearance was recorded and…you were never found again in your home time. You…you can’t go back, otherwise it will damage time.” Dib sighed.

“Oh well, worth a shot.”

Back with Zim and Gaz, Gaz was waking up from anesthesia. “…Did you really have to put me to sleep?” she grumbled.

“When adult Irkens are implanted with a PAK,” explained Zim, “the process is painful. Believe me, the pain would have corrupted the computer systems in the PAK. Now, once you’re recovered, a test is needed. Just to make sure it’s properly working. We’ll start with the legs. Just think of you growing extra arthropod legs out of your back.” Gaz concentrated…and four robotic spider-like legs sprouted from her PAK and hoisted her up. She then thought about moving forward and the legs carried her forward. Gaz grinned. “Now, retraction is a little more difficult, but-.” The legs then set Gaz down and retreated into her PAK. “…Or you could catch on faster than an Irken,” muttered Zim. Just then, the alarms sounded.

“What’s going on?!” demanded Gaz.

“Intruder alert!” warned XIR. “Target known as the Doctor is aboard the Massive!”

“WHAT?!” shouted Zim. “Where is she?!”

“Brig area, Cell Block Gamma! She opened Cell Gamma Nine!”

“Dib!” hissed Zim. “Alert all troops in the area! The Doctor and Dib must NOT interfere!”

“Come on! Come on!” growled the Doctor. She then lit up! “Yes! Organic Sweep protocols!”

“What are you doing?!” asked Dib.

“Sabotaging the Organic Sweep!” replied the Doctor. “It will take more than the forty-eight hours Zim gave me to fix it!” It took all but a few seconds for the Doctor to screw up the coding needed to operate the weapons! “HAHA! Perfect!”

“HANDS IN THE AIR, ALIEN SCUM!” shouted a voice. The Doctor and Dib turned to see that they were surrounded by Irkens.

“…It was like that when we got here!” Dib lied. The Irkens just narrowed their eyes in disbelief that he tried that. “…Okay, that was not one of my better ones.”

“Bring them to the bridge!” ordered the taller of the Irkens.

Back in Inkopolis, Tysar was fiddling with the Spawn Point. “Not you too!” complained Marie.

“The Doctor’s fighting alone right now and she gets a little too self-sacrificing when she does that!” retorted Tysar. “Now, either I dither here like a damsel in distress or I go up there and help her!”

“If you’re going, then I’M going!” declared Callie.

“Callie, no!” argued Marie.

“Callie, listen to your cousin!” urged Tysar. “Your roller’s ineffective against laser weapons!”

“In fact, INK is ineffective against lasers!” continued Marie.

“I’m not letting the Doctor fight alone!” insisted Callie. Tysar had finished her adjustments by now.

“There!” called the Thal. “See you-!” Callie then jumped onto the Spawn Point. “HEY! YOU GET OFF THAT-!” Too late. Callie vanished. “Oh for-!”

“I’m going after her!” called Marie as she jumped onto the Spawn Point.

“NO! GET BACK-!” Too late again. Marie vanished. Tysar developed a nasty twitch, then stamped her feet as she unleashed a flurry of curses in her native Thal language that shall not be translated here as they’re unbelievably rude. She then hopped onto the Spawn Point and went after the Squid Sisters.

The Doctor and Dib were taken to the bridge where Zim and Gaz were understandably unhappy with the sabotage. An Irken technician reported their findings. “It looks like it’s going to take a full week to undo what the Doctor did,” they said. “seventy-two hours at best if we activate our PAKs’ overdrive mode, something we all think is best, my Tallest.”

“Do it!” ordered Zim. He turned back to the offending saboteurs. “Well, Doctor, you made your decision for Earth a little early, huh?” he said. “I WAS going to be merciful and make this a mining planet, but thanks to you, it WILL become Foodcourtia II!”

“Oh, please!” scoffed the Doctor. “As if Sizz-lorr would allow that!”

“Sizz-lorr is now under MY command! HE obeys ME! He has no choice but to allow it!” Zim then drew in a breath a calmed himself. “Doctor, there’s a way for you to get into my good graces, and that is to undo your sabotage!”

“I’m afraid your good graces are rather on the low end of my list of priorities,” replied the Doctor.

“I’d advise you to reconsider, Doctor,” warned Gaz.

“You know, Dib told me about what you sold Earth out for!” snarled the Doctor. “All to satisfy your hedonism?! That’s your planet you’re betraying!”

“You think I care, Doctor?!” retorted Gaz. “Humans have always done the stupid things and pushed themselves to the brink of World War III! Whether it’s the pedophiles we put into office or the useless protests, we’ve proven that we’ve lost the right to our own destiny! Better to end it now than let Earth slide into decadence and decay!”

“Decadence and decay?! What do you think happened to Blorch?! Or Foodcourtia?! It’s what YOUR planet’s future will be! The nightmare of all slaves working one specific field! Hell on Earth! The apocalypse!”

“At least people will be honest about it!” Before the Doctor could refute Gaz’s claims, the alarms sounded again.

“Intruder alert!” warned XIR.

“What the-?! SECURITY! DOES THE EMPIRE NO LONGER HAVE IT?!” complained Zim.

“Identify them!” ordered Gaz.

“Two Inklings, one Thal, according to readings taken,” reported XIR.

“Tysar!” hissed the Doctor. She ran her hand down her face. “One of these days, I’m going to get a companion that will understand that ‘stay put’ means to stay put!”

“You just HAD to go onto the ship, didn’t you?!” Tysar snapped at Callie.

“I wanna help!” protested Callie.

“Callie, these guys have LASERS!” argued Marie. “You’ve got an oversized roller and my charger can’t do anything rapid fire! We-!” The Irkens then arrived.

“HANDS IN THE AIR, ALIEN SCUM!” shouted one.

“No time for arguments!” called Callie as she pulled out her roller. She then slammed it onto the ground and steamrolled over the Irkens!

“MY SQUEEDLYSPOOCH!” screamed an Irken.

“I got you, Greenie Grandma!” called another Irken as he aimed his gun at Marie. Marie then pulled out her charger and fired, her shot knocking the gun out of the Irken’s hands! “I-I DIDN’T MEAN THAT GRANDMA COMMENT!” he begged. Marie fired again, the impact of her ink knocking the Irken out.

“…Come on, we need to pick up Callie and find the Doctor,” sighed Tysar.

“Got it!” agreed Marie. The two of them ran after Callie.

Everyone on the bridge saw the chaos unfolding from Callie’s charge! “HOW IS A ROLLING PAINTBRUSH DOING THAT?!” protested Zim.

“What’s the matter, Zim?!” taunted Dib. “Your Squeedlyspooch can’t take it?!”

“I’ll be feasting on your brain meats, Dib!” warned Zim.

“Sir,” called an Irken, “something is wrong! The Organic Sweep is activating on its own!”

“WHAT?!” yelped Zim.

“How bad is that?” asked Gaz.

“Without manual control, the Organic Sweep will vaporize the planet instead of bombard it!” replied Zim. “Earth won’t exist as a member of the Irken Empire! It won’t exist PERIOD!”

“…Oh dear,” muttered the Doctor, thinking she made a catastrophic mistake.

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 6

Ink of Doom: Part 2

“So, the war between you and Tak is over and you’re the victor,” remarked the Doctor. “Still, calling ANY war ‘Great’, it just…yuck!”

“Save your insults for people shorter than us, Doctor!” snarled Zim.

“Will you depart Earth or not?!” growled the Doctor.

“Are you threatening me?! If so, you haven’t a leg to stand on! As I said, Earth was kept OUT of the crossfire! I even behaved when Dib and Gaz vanished!”

“…Dib and Gaz Membrane?” asked the Doctor. “They vanished in your-?” A nasty theory formed in her head. “…Oh no!”

“What’s wrong with you?” asked Zim. “…Oh yes! You still care for the worthless inhabitants of this rock!” The Doctor snapped her thoughts back to the current crisis.

“I warn you, Zim! Earth has colonies ready to defend the cradle of their civilization!” she declared.

“I think even the shortest Irken can handle the humans’ primitive ships!” cackled Zim.

“I very much doubt that.”

“There’s no UNIT to stop me, Doctor! And no Zygons, as you said! These creatures that replaced the human stink will be excellent slaves! Earth shall become Foodcourtia II!”

“It most certainly will not!” argued the Doctor.

“You’re in no position to tell me what can and can’t be done!” Zim then grinned wickedly. “But I’m nothing if not merciful,” he said. “I’ll give you forty-eight earth hours to prepare this planet properly. Otherwise, I conduct the Organic Sweep and sterilize all life!” He turned to his subordinates. “We’re leaving!” he ordered.

“Yes, my Tallest!” replied his underlings. One of then pressed a button on his wrist and the three Irkens vanished.

“…Dib and Gaz Membrane,” muttered the Doctor. “…And their disappearance is recorded in history. …Drat.”

The Doctor returned to Tysar, noticing that two people were gone. “…Tysar, where are the Squid Sisters?” she asked.

“They went to the Inkopolis News Station,” replied Tysar. “Special announcement about the Irken Invasion. They overheard everything and wanted to calm the people down, assure them that you wouldn’t surrender the Earth to the Irkens.”

“And they’re right, because I won’t,” said the Doctor. By then, the Squid Sisters returned.

“We just got off the phone with our agents,” said Callie. “They’ve delayed our concert until this crisis is dealt with.”

“The Captain also reassigned our mission to his successor, the new Agent 3,” continued Marie. “What do you need us to do, Doctor?”

“First off, we’ve got forty-eight hours to deal with the Irkens and see if my hypothesis is true,” replied the Doctor.

“Doctor, Zim said that two humans vanished from his time,” said Tysar.

“Dib Membrane and his sister, Gaz,” explained the Doctor. “I really hope that the chronal surge didn’t grab them and plop them here. Because if their disappearance was recorded and they were never found…then we can’t bring them back.”

“What?” asked Tysar. “Y-You mean that bringing them back would…damage time somehow?!” She then started thinking about her own situation. “…Would that mean-?!”

“For you, I don’t know,” sighed the Doctor. “…But I WILL check your timeline when this adventure is over. For now, we need to see if Dib and Gaz are in this time.”

Aboard the Irken Flagship, the Massive, Zim was in his office, indulging in some snacking. As he snacked, the computer in his desk beeped. “Oh, what is it now?!” he complained. A spider-like robotic leg then grew from his PAK and tapped the computer. His new SIR unit, titled XIR (X-treme Information Retrieval), appeared on screen. “What is it, XIR?” he demanded.

“My Tallest,” said XIR, “two humans have appeared on the Massive. All physical indicators point to their names being Dib and Gaz Membrane.”

“Your sensors must be faulty!” scoffed Zim. “There’s no way they’re alive after all this time, even accounting for their disappearance!” He then slurped on some soda through a straw as XIR continued its report.

“We are currently interrogating the two humans…but the one that looks like Gaz is as scary as her! And the male that looks like Dib has as big a head as him!”

“MY HEAD’S NOT BIG!” protested a voice. Zim spat out his soda in surprise. That was Dib’s voice!

“TELL THE INTERROGATORS TO STOP!” ordered Zim. “I’M CONDUCTING THIS ONE PERSONALLY!” He got up from his desk and strode out of his office.

Zim arrived in the interrogation room to see two humans, roughly his height. One was a woman in a black skirt and shirt with purple hair and an expression that cowed many Irkens. The other was a man with glasses, slicked hair, and a black trenchcoat. “It can’t be!” protested Zim. “Dib and Gaz vanished millennia ago!”

“Yeah, well you can blame Gaz here!” snarled the man as he nodded his head angrily at the woman. “She stole UNIT property and took advantage of a chronal surge!”

“That was a Cyberman’s chronal net and you know it!” retorted the woman.

“It’s UNIT property and YOU know it!”

“ENOUGH!” shouted Zim. “XIR, did they have a chronal net on their person?”

“The scary woman had it, specifically,” replied XIR.

“XIR?” asked the man. “What’s the X stand for?”

“Extreme, what else?” asked Zim.

“…Z-Zim, extreme starts with an ‘e’ and-.”

“It’s MY updated SIR unit and I get to name it!” snarled Zim. He then calmed down. “…So, it IS you, Dib, Gaz! …Gaz, why would you steal a chronal net?”

“To take advantage of the chronal surge,” replied Gaz. “I was hoping to get a place where I could finally get away from humans, but now I see from your systems that the whole damned race spread out to the stars!”

“…I mean, yes, it IS annoying, but YOU belong to the human race-.”

“AND I HATE IT! I hate having to be part of a race that’s so idiotic! All I want to worry about are video games and pizza and people always get in my way about that! I want to crush the human race and any others that would get in my way! You have the tech needed to crush them, I have ideas on how to do that!”

“Gaz, wait a minute!” protested Dib. “You’re selling out the human race of this time!”

“More like the Cephalo-sapiens, but humans too,” remarked Zim.

“…Cephalo-sapiens?” asked Gaz. “Like…talking squids and octopuses?!”

“And live their lives exactly like humans of your time.” Gaz couldn’t believe what she was hearing! “There IS a future I have planned for it, though,” offered Zim.

“And what’s that?!” demanded Gaz.

“Like us Irkens, you lot enjoy fast food, especially that…pizza, I believe it’s called. How would you like it if you helped me make Earth into Foodcourtia II?” Gaz arched an eyebrow.

“…What do I get for helping you?” asked Gaz. “Not that I’m really objecting.”

“Joint rule of the Irken Empire,” replied Zim. “A PAK to make sure you live as long as us, an entire empire at your command, and all the hedonism you want to unleash. What do you say?”

“…One slight change,” said Gaz. “…I want to fire the first shot for the Organic Sweep, Tallest Zim!”

“Done, Tallest Consort Gaz!”

“…Consort?” asked Gaz, a little disgusted.

“Just a title, no real meaning. It’s just something we have to use when an alien helps rule the Empire jointly.”

“…No romance involved?”

“None whatsoever. Friends at best.”

“…I think we can work out a friendship.”

“GAZ, YOU TRAITOR!” shouted Dib.

“Orders, my Tallest? Tallest Consort?” asked XIR. Zim undid Gaz’s restraints and nodded to her, indicating that she should decide Dib’s fate.

“Throw my big brother in the brig,” she ordered. “We’ll deal with him when Earth becomes Foodcourtia II.”

“While you’re doing that, inform the Control Brain Monitors,” ordered Zim, “that a PAK for Gaz needs to be made.”

“Yes, my Tallest, Tallest Consort.” XIR saluted and dragged Dib away.

Back in Inkadia, the Doctor was working on a machine. It looked like one of the spawn points usually seen in Turf Wars. “Doctor, what are you doing?” asked Marie. “That’s a decommissioned Spawn Point!”

“And it SHOULD work as a transmat,” replied the Doctor.

“Doctor?” asked Marie.

“I checked the TARDIS historical databanks on the Irken Empire,” explained the Doctor. “All my research agree with Zim in that he defeated Tak and won the Irken Civil War two thousand years before the Flood that eventually gave rise to you lot. …So why is he only attacking now? Questions, questions.”

“You’re not planning on going up into an Irken ship, are you?!” protested Marie.

“Sorry, Thal overhearing that last tidbit, along with Callie,” called Tysar as she arrived. “Marie DID draw the wrong conclusion, did she?!”

“Actually, she didn’t,” replied the Doctor. “Specifically, I’m going onto the Irken Flagship.”

“Don’t be absurd!” protested Tysar.

“Doctor, there’s no way you’ll survive that!” agreed Callie.

“Callie and Tysar are right, Doctor!” urged Marie. “They’ll shoot you on sight!”

“See, the thing is, I have some research to conduct,” replied the Doctor.

“Doctor!” protested Tysar.

“Zim chose this moment to fulfill his ‘mission’ of conquering Earth for the Irken Empire when he already won the Irken Civil War!” insisted the Doctor. “Now, either we dither here and hope against hope that help from the human colonies arrive before the Irkens conduct their Organic Sweep or I beam myself onto the Massive and make their job easier while getting information along the way!”

“But what if the Irkens just blast you to plasma?!” argued Tysar.

“Well, at least I will have tried,” said the Doctor. She then finished up.

“Doctor-!”

“If I’m wrong, bring whoever you can into the TARDIS!” directed the Doctor. “It’ll bring you all somewhere safe!” She hopped onto the modified Spawn Point and then vanished.

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 6

Ink of Doom: Part 1

Inkadia, once called Japan. Home of new forms of life on Earth. Right now, humans were in a different colony away from Inkadia, leaving it to the native Inklings and Octarians, squids and octopuses that gained the ability to achieve a humanoid form to walk on land. Right now, two Inkling women were adjusting their outfits. One of them, with her tentacles tied into a bow at the back of her head with her club ends reaching all the way to her calves, was adjusting her hat to make sure it was tilted onto the right of her head. She then reached for something…only it wasn’t there. “…Marie, where the squid are my earrings?!” called the Inkling woman to her gray-tentacled cousin, having just tied her shorter tentacles into a bow that tilted towards the right of her head while her hat sat on the left of her head.

“I dunno,” replied the other Inkling, Marie. “You had them last, Callie.”

“I know I put them-! …Oh, here they are,” mumbled the first Inkling woman, Callie. She fished out a pair of chunky hoop earrings and attached them to each of her pointy ears.

“I swear, you can be SO disorganized,” muttered Marie.

“Well, excuse me for-!” She then stopped talking. “…Marie?”

“I hear it too!” replied Marie as she heard the noise Callie heard. The two Inkling Idols rushed out of their dressing room and into the hallway…to see a blue box appear!

“Hey, isn’t that the box John and Kaori found?” asked Callie. “The one with Amy and her doctor friend?”

“Yeah,” confirmed Marie. “But what’s it doing here? Octavio’s still in prison.”

“Maybe Amy wanted to visit again?” guessed Marie. “Come on, let’s go see.” The Inkling cousins knocked on the door and the Doctor poked her head out.

“Is there anything on my head?” she asked. “Tysar won’t tell me if there is.”

“…Um…yeah, y-you’ve got…well a rose headband,” replied Callie, not sure who this woman was.

“That’s supposed to be there. Anything else?”

“Yeah, antlers,” replied Marie.

“…Antlers?” asked the Doctor.

“Y-Yeah,” confirmed Callie. Tysar then started laughing as the Doctor’s expression darkened comedically. She looked into the TARDIS.

“It’s early spring!” she protested at the powerful time machine. “Why are you putting hologram antlers on my head?! And you, Tysar! Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“Because the TARDIS is right, Doctor!” laughed Tysar. “That’s just funny!”

“All right, you two had your laugh! Now get rid of them!” The antlers vanished. “Thank you!” She then turned back to the Squid Sisters. “Now, Callie and Marie, the Squid Sisters, yes? Odd that you’d call yourself that, given that you’re cousins.”

“Sorry, do we know you?” asked Marie. “It’s just that…the human over there called you Doctor.”

“I did,” replied Tysar. “Although, strictly speaking, I’m not a human. I’m a Thal. And that IS the Doctor.”

“I wore a pleated skirt last time I visited Inkadia,” explained the Doctor. “That business with the Slitheen infiltrating Octavio’s court and trying to nuke the planet and sell off its radioactive remains? Ring any bells, you two?”

“…That’s really YOU, Doctor?!” asked Callie. “B-But…how?!”

“Regeneration, my dear Callie,” replied the Doctor. “It’s a lottery. Now, enough of that, I’m a little pressed for time.”

“So it ISN’T a social call?” asked Marie.

“Sorry, no. Did anyone report any missing persons or strange people just appearing out of nowhere?”

“N-No,” replied Marie. “Why?”

“We’re tracking something called a chronal surge,” explained the Doctor. “They have a tendency to take someone in one time period and plop them into another. Sometimes a knight from the Middle Ages gets thrown into the 42nd century, other times a Star Warrior ends up a few seconds into the past on another planet, you get the idea.”

“…Yeah,” said Marie.

“Really?”

“No!”

“I’m stumped too, Doctor,” replied Callie.

“Right. Well, we’re going to have a look around, if you don’t mind?” asked the Doctor.

“Y-Yeah, sure!” agreed the Squid Sisters.

“Thanks!” bid the Doctor as she and Tysar left the TARDIS.

“…So…no Amy today,” remarked Callie.

“Doesn’t look like it,” replied Marie. “And apparently the Doctor’s a shapeshifter.”

“…Hm…shapeshifter against another superpower…I think that was a Splatfest theme,” mused Callie.

“Doctor, who were those two?” asked Tysar.

“Callie and Marie, the pop idol duo known as the Squid Sisters,” replied the Doctor. “Better known as Agents 1 and 2 of the New Squidbeak Splatoon currently under the command of the original Agent 3.”

“And what kind of creatures were they?”

“Squids, if you can believe it. Or, more specifically, squids that underwent genetic mutation after genetic mutation to become the Inklings you see today. After a great flooding, humanity left Earth and some of the sea life evolved into land-dwelling creatures. Then there was a war between the Inklings and their octopus cousins, the Octarians. Eventually, the Octoling branch of the Octarians made peace with the Inklings and now they live together.”

“…You mean this is Earth’s future?” asked Tysar.

“Yes, but humanity’s coming back and helping Inklings and Octarians spread out across the stars.”

“And the chronal surge is centered here?”

“Yes. Now, we must figure out what before-!” Just then, the familiar feeling of a chronal surge passed over them. “Oh no!”

“Doctor, we’re still here,” said Tysar.

“Callie! Marie!” realized the Doctor. She and Tysar ran back to the Squid Sisters’ general direction to see them walking away from the TARDIS. “HOLD ON!” called the Doctor.

“Hm? Doctor?” asked Callie as she and Marie looked back. The Doctor sighed.

“Oh, good! Still in the present!” sighed the Doctor. “Now, come on, you two! Let’s start searching for-!”

“Doctor, we can’t go on searching for anything right now!” retorted Marie. “Callie and I have a concert in Splatsville!”

“And the Captain’s got a mission for us after that!” supplied Callie.

“With respect, you two,” interjected Tysar, “the concert and mission will be a moot point if we don’t figure out what happened during that chronal-!” She was interrupted by screaming from outside.

“…That’s not a good sign, no matter where you come from,” muttered Marie.

“Come on!” urged the Doctor as she ran towards the source of the screams.

Outside was pandemonium! Inklings and Octolings were running for cover from objects in the sky. The Doctor and her friends took cover as the objects continued firing. “What’s going on here?! An alien invasion?!” yelped Marie over the screaming.

“Well, given that there ARE alien ships hanging in your skies,” remarked Tysar, “yes, I’d say that’s exactly what’s going on! I don’t recognize the design of the ships, but-!”

“It’s the Irken Armada!” replied the Doctor.

“The what?!” asked Callie.

“The Irken Armada! The main military force of the Irken Empire! A race of insectoid creatures hellbent on conquering the entire universe! With a collective gender of jerk!”

“Why are they setting their sights on Earth now?!” asked Marie. “We can’t possibly have anything they’d want!”

“They’re not interested in wealth or political power!” replied the Doctor. “They conquer planets just because they can!”

“Well, what can we do?!” asked Tysar.

“One moment!” The Doctor pulled out her sonic screwdriver and walked to the middle of the panicking crowd. She then switched the screwdriver on. “Intercepting any teleports to the planet!” Three Irkens then appeared, all surprised at the whole affair. Two were little, about the size of a human child, and the last was a few centimeters taller than the Doctor’s height and wore a mask.

“What is this?!” demanded the tall one. “I ordered us to go to Octo Canyon! Not Inkopolis Square! Invader Smeech, you have failed!”

“Apologies, my Tallest!” begged one of the shorter Irkens. “Our teleport beam was intercepted and-!”

“He’s right, you know,” interjected the Doctor. The Irkens gasped.

“A…human?!” asked the tall Irken, the Tallest. “But the dominant life forms of this planet are squids and octopuses! How-?!”

“Humans spread out from beyond the atmosphere of this little planet, my Tallest,” replied the Doctor. “Now…I’ve met you lot before, but not necessarily with this face. Under Convention 15 of the Shadow Proclamation, I formally request a cessation of hostilities in order to parlay!”

“…You’re not human, are you?” asked the Tallest. “No worthless human could possibly know about the Shadow Proclamation, much less attempt to invoke it!”

“No, I’m not human, but I put a lot of work into this planet. I know there aren’t any Zygons on this planet to help enforce things, but I’m still here. I am the Doctor! Former President of the High Council of Time Lords! Keeper of the Legacy of Rassilon! Defender of the Laws of Time! Protector of Gallifrey! Under the Doomsville Treaty, I order you to leave this planet!”

“Ah, Doctor!” purred the Tallest. “So, it IS true! You Time Lords can change our faces! It won’t matter! I stuck to the Treaty! Earth was NOT caught in the crossfire between myself and the False Tallest, Tak! The Great Civil War is over and I won! You won’t interfere in my mission this time, Doctor!” The Tallest removed his mask so the Doctor could see his face!

“…Tallest Zim!” hissed the Doctor. “I should have known!”

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 4

Doom! Doom! DOOM!: Part 4

By the time Zim got out, the Irken Armada arrived. Earth appeared on the main screen. “Ugly little rock,” muttered Tak. “Conduct the usual scans. I’m positive the humans won’t offer anything in terms of slave labor.”

“Conducting planetary sweep,” replied the helmsman. The scans then revealed…something unusual. “…Hang on, that can’t be right.”

“What’s the matter?” asked Tak.

“The scans are saying there’s a Zygon presence on this rock!”

“WHAT?!” Tak stormed over to the helm console and checked. “That’s impossible! I didn’t find any Skarasen there when I first visited!”

“Apparently, it was masked until now,” replied the helmsman. “It looks like it was meant to be revealed only to Irken sensors.”

“Then Zim saw them too!” hissed Tak. “But how would they know we were-?!” A thought then struck her. “…Doctor!” she snarled. “SHE’S behind this!”

“Should we conduct our organic sweep, my Tallest?” asked a soldier.

“We can’t, not with Zygons having claimed it!” Tak then stroked her chin. “…But they can’t exactly interfere with us taking Zim’s head. Ready my Runner!”

“Doctor, Zim’s entering the streets!” warned Dib.

“And planetary sensors,” advised Kate, “indicate that a personal ship is entering Earth’s atmosphere on a direct course with Doomsville!”

“Right then, Brotok,” the Doctor said to a fat human, “you know what to do?”

“Leave it to us, Doctor,” replied the human. “We’ll sort out this Irken problem and at least delay any civil war for five years and keep it away from Earth.”

“Doctor, I hope this works!” urged Amy. “You DID say you fought the Zygons!”

“I fought aggressive sects of Zygons,” corrected the Doctor. “Brotok leads a sect that is more peaceful.” As the Doctor spoke, several humans, minus Brotok, shimmered out of view and in their places were solidly-built, earthy-colored humanoids with cone-shaped heads and covered in suckers. These were the true forms of the Zygons. Brotok smiled, still in his human disguise.

“Boy, are the Irkens in for a nasty surprise!” he purred.

“I’d really rather not have a battle between Irkens and Zygons,” urged the Doctor. Before Brotok could retort, Tak’s ship landed and she strode out. Zim then arrived; a manic grin plastered on his face.

“So, Tak the Terrible New Girl arrives!” he chuckled.

“Better being terrifying than being a failure like you!” retorted Tak. “But I have more pressing matters, like a certain beast found in that obscure lake miles from here.”

“I saw the Skarasen too, but the Zygons can wait! You’ve blunted the Empire for too long!”

“Blunted?! I am fixing what YOU broke!”

“Ah yes, the common duties of a Janitor Drone!” scoffed Zim. Tak snarled.

“When I’m done with you, Sizz-Lorr will be keeping you as his fast-food drone forever!” she vowed as her PAK gave her a gun!

“He couldn’t even get me back while I was an Invader! NOW I AM THE TALLEST! NOT YOU, YOU ELEVATOR-SHOE WEARING PIPSQUEAK!” Zim’s PAK handed him his gun. The two Tallest aimed their weapons…then the guns were shot out of their hands via bio-electric blasts! The two Irkens turned their heads and saw Brotok, still in his human disguise, with a platoon of Zygons flanking him.

“…Is this a joke?!” demanded Tak.

“No joke, Zim, Tak,” replied Brotok. “I am Warrior Engineer Brotok, authorized to speak on behalf of the Zygons living here.”

“And?” asked Zim.

“And it is my duty to inform you,” continued Brotok, “that you are on the wrong side of a Zygon planet’s atmosphere according to the Treaty of Zimtok V.”

“That’s irrelevant!” snarled Tak. “The Irken Internal Matters Clause must be satisfied! Leave at once!”

“I’m afraid they can’t do that,” called the Doctor.

“DOCTOR!” snarled Zim.

“You DARE interfere!” hissed Tak.

“When a blunder like this threatens to unravel the Web of Time, I always interfere!” replied the Doctor.

“What blunder are you talking about?!” demanded Zim.

“The Irken Civil War,” explained the Doctor, “the war between your respective factions, isn’t supposed to start now. It begins in five years’ time!”

“And why should that concern us?!” snarled Tak.

“Because my arrival shifted things too early! All I ask is that you hold off on any infighting until five years have passed and that you keep said infighting OFF Earth!”

“You demand too much, Doctor!” argued Zim. “The Irken Civil War will begin now, and it will result in my glorious unfolding of Operation Impending Doom III!”

“ALL HAIL ZIM!” called half of Tak’s soldiers.

“TRAITORS!” called the other half.

“ENOUGH!” shouted Brotok as he held up a device. Zim and Tak’s eyes widened.

“What is that?!” yelped Tak.

“An active communications link to the Shadow Proclamation!” replied Brotok. “And nothing would make me happier than you two firing on one another giving me the excuse to call the Judoon here!” The two Tallest stared the smiling Brotok down.

“…If it were any other race,” hissed Zim, “I’d say you were bluffing, Brotok!” He then visibly deflated. Tak then raised her hand.

“Stand down, all of you, traitors AND loyalists!” she ordered. “Zygons don’t bluff and the Empire can’t afford an armed conflict with the Judoon and the Zygons!” The Irken soldiers holstered their weapons.

“Excellent decision, Almighty Tallest!” chuckled Brotok.

“Now then!” called the Doctor as two UNIT soldiers brought out a table and four chairs. The Doctor and Brotok sat on one side. “Not my favorite bit, but let’s discuss a new treaty.”

As the Doctor and Brotok discussed terms with Zim and Tak, Dib looked on. “…Is this what the Doctor’s life is like?” he asked no one in particular.

“Yes, believe it or not,” replied Amy’s voice. She and Lurra Rus approached Dib. “She’s a lonely lady, most of the time. So she takes us on as companions to see slices of her life.”

“She has this innate desire to help people,” continued Lurra Rus. “To make the universe a better place throughout time and space wherever it’s permitted.”

“Then the Irken Civil War?” asked Dib.

“Probably a fixed point in time,” replied Amy. “What will happen, will happen.”

“She can’t undo the mistakes of the past,” said Lurra Rus, “but she CAN show us the path to a better future.”

“Excuse me, Dib!” called Kate’s voice. She approached the group.

“Dr. Stewart!” Dib saluted.

“Not just yet, Dib,” said Kate. “Not unless you hear me out.”

“Kate?” asked Amy.

“Dib Membrane, I’ve spoken with your father,” explained Kate. “And we both agreed, albeit I don’t think he fully believes in aliens, that you would be the person to make sure Zim behaves and complies with the upcoming treaty. But, we have to say, your personal technology can’t really do much. But with UNIT resources…” Dib blinked.

“…Are you asking me to join UNIT?!” he asked.

“As part of our internship program,” replied Kate. “But your internship assignment will be to monitor Zim and make sure he behaves.”

“And report any suspicious behavior to you?” asked Dib. “What about the Swollen Eyeball Network?”

“They’re in direct communication with us,” answered Kate. “They will get your findings at the same time as us. Although, only Agent…DarkBootie…seems to be supportive of you.”

“That’s not new,” replied Dib. “…But joining UNIT, people that actually DO protect Earth from alien threats…” Dib smiled. “Cadet Dib Membrane, reporting for duty!” he said. Kate smiled.

The Doctor looked over at Dib accepting his new position and grinned. “Time’s going right on track,” she said.

“So, we are agreed, then?” said Brotok, calling everyone’s attention to the treaty. “While the Irken Civil War cannot be prevented, it is at least delayed by five years. Neither Zim nor Tak can interfere with one another’s business until then. Zim will remain on Earth under close observation by UNIT and the Swollen Eyeball Network and cannot exact retribution on GIR and Minimoose, nor will he conquer the planet. Tak also cannot conquer Earth and she will be observed by the Shadow Proclamation to ensure that she continues in the rebuilding of Irk, but she cannot kill any Irken that chooses to follow Zim. At the end of five years, when civil war DOES break out, Earth will not be involved in any battleplans or be caught in the crossfire. A breach of this treaty will result in the Shadow Proclamation arresting both parties and occupying Irk.”

“…Agreed,” grunted Zim.

“Agreed,” muttered Tak.

“Then all that’s left,” said the Doctor as she handed pens to Zim and Tak, “is to sign.” The two Tallest then signed on their respective signature lines.

“…I’ll crush you in five years, Tak!” warned Zim.

“The feeling’s mutual, Zim!” retorted Tak. She then stood up. “Soldiers! We are leaving!” Tak and her men marched back to her ship and took off. Dib then approached the group.

“Accepted your UNIT assignment, Dib?” asked the Doctor.

“His UNIT assign-NO!” yelped Zim.

“Looks like I’m still watching you, Zim!” laughed Dib. “Though now I’ve got UNIT on my side!”

“If I didn’t sign that treaty, I’d eat your brain-meats, Dib!” snarled Zim. He stormed back to his base.

“Well, this has been fun,” said Amy, “but I’m ready to take it easy now.”

“Same here,” agreed Lurra Rus as everyone returned to the TARDIS.

“You sure you don’t want to come, Dib?” asked the Doctor.

“I know you said it’s a time machine, Doctor,” replied Dib, “but I need to focus on my UNIT assignment.”

“All right then. Bye now!” The Doctor and her friends entered the TARDIS and it took off in its usual manner.

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 4

Doom! Doom! DOOM!: Part 3

The Doctor looked up when she heard noises from upstairs. “Oh no!” realized the Doctor.

“Wait, you don’t think-?!” gulped Amy.

“It’s Zim! He’s out of his coma!” confirmed the Doctor.

“He can’t even move!” gasped Lurra Rus. “Is the base-?!”

“We’ll discuss possibilities later! Right now, we need to convince Tak-!” Just then, a transmission came through. It was Tak!

“Time Lord, what is the meaning of this?!” she demanded. “The Control Brain assigned to Zim indicated that he was fully cognizant!”

“That’s because he is!” replied the Doctor. “Tak, I tried to warn you! His zealotry has gone overboard! He’s going to think that HE was handed the role of Tallest by fate! You know the cellular reconstruction will-!”

“I will suffer no threats to my rule!” snarled Tak. “And Earth will pay for this!”

“NO! NO! PLEASE, JUST HEAR ME-!” Tak wasn’t listening! She ended the call just as the Doctor heard a mound of flesh hit the floor. “No, it’s happening too fast!”

“I must thank you, Doctor!” cackled Zim. “If you hadn’t come, I’d still be stuck in a coma!”

“Zim, please! You must listen!” begged the Doctor.

“I’ve listened long enough! I am destined to be the new Tallest! I SHALL MAKE THE IRKEN EMPIRE ETERNAL!”

“But Irk is still rebuilding! The Control Brains-!”

“Have proved worthless! I shall be better than the Control Brains!”

“Cellular reconstruction will now begin,” droned the computer. Zim was then forcibly shoved into a glass tube that barely managed to avoid cracking from his bulk!

“Blast! I’m going to have to try something!” muttered the Doctor. She tried keying in commands.

“Doctor, what are you doing?” asked Amy.

“I’m trying to delay his cellular reconstruction by about five years!” replied the Doctor. “Hopefully, Tak will be in a listening mood by then!” By then, Dib came back down.

“Doctor, what’s going on?” he asked.

“She’s trying to extend Zim’s cellular reconstruction by five years,” replied Lurra Rus.

“Hopefully, by then, the Doctor can actually have a conversation with Tak before the Irkens arrive,” finished Amy.

“We don’t HAVE five years!” protested Dib.

“How do you figure, Dib?” asked the Doctor.

“I had already intercepted an Irken transmission detailing Zim’s mission six months before he arrived!” explained Dib.

“WHAT?! But it says in his inventory that he has a Voot Cruiser! That’s wildly out of date these days! The FTL drive must have been junk!”

“Doctor, if it took Zim six months to get here-!” gulped Amy.

“It will take the Irken Armada less time!” confirmed the Doctor.

Unfortunately, the Doctor was right. The new Irken Armada was en route already! “Maintain course,” ordered Tak. “I want to be there as soon as possible!”

“Yes, my Tallest!” replied the helmsman. “Estimated time of arrival: two hours!” Tak grumbled, but she couldn’t blame the helmsman.

“Given our current state of affairs, I’m not surprised,” she said.

“My Tallest, surely we’re ready for conquest now!” urged a soldier.

“Irk still needs to recover from the diminishment of the Control Brains,” answered Tak with a dismissive wave of her hand.

“But we’ve been denying the instinct to conquer for too long!” pleaded the soldier. “We must-!”

“Are you questioning your Tallest?” hissed Tak. “That would be most…unfortunate.”

“…N-No, my Tallest. My apologies, my Tallest.”

“Oh for-! My Tallest, the Doctor’s calling us again.” The comms officer sounded annoyed. Tak groaned.

“Ignore it,” she ordered.

“Happily, my Tallest,” replied the Comms officer.

“Blast, she’s not answering!” complained the Doctor. The computer then beeped. The Doctor checked and goggled. “…Infernal cheek!” she snarled. “The computer won’t let me delay the process!”

“You mean Zim’s still got two hours?” asked Dib.

“Unfortunately,” sighed the Doctor. “And UNIT’s bound to get trigger-happy once the Irken Armada arrives!”

“Can’t you play diplomat?” asked Amy. The Doctor then paused as an idea formed in her head.

“…I don’t think I can,” she said., “but maybe one of Irk’s few allies could help. Let’s see here.” The Doctor began her research and found a list. “AHA! There we are! Let’s see, Smegranians…no. They’re in their collective trance right now. …Tufanians…no. They’re not interested in things outside of hedonism. …Sontarans?! God no! …Wait…oh! OH HO HO HO! YES! PERFECT!”

“Doctor?!” asked Amy.

“Come along, everyone! We’re going topside!” The Doctor led everyone up.

They returned to the UNIT base and the Doctor found Kate. “Kate, are you still in contact with the Osgoods?”

“Of course. Why?” asked Kate.

“Because I have need of Petronella’s double and her people! They’re the key to making sure events take place as they should!”

“…Lieutenant, get me Greyhound Two,” Kate ordered a soldier. The man saluted and gave Kate a radio. Kate fiddled with the frequencies. “Greyhound One to Greyhound Two. Come in, Greyhound Two. Over.”

“Greyhound Two, receiving! Over!” replied a woman’s voice.

“Greyhound Two, the Doctor needs your assistance. I’m putting her on. Over.” Kate handed the Doctor the radio.

“Osgood, we have an Irken problem and your double’s people have a treaty with them,” explained the Doctor.

“What is the precise problem?” asked Osgood.

“Well, Exile Zim is currently undergoing cellular reconstruction that will make him an Almighty Tallest like Tak. Tak caught wind of it and now she’s bringing the Irken Armada here.”

“How long do we have?” asked Osgood.

“About two hours, give or take,” replied the Doctor.

“A time crunch as usual. We’ll see what we can do. Osgood out.” The call ended.

“All right, we have some breathing space,” said the Doctor.

“Doctor, what’s going on?!” asked Amy. “Who are you guys talking about?!”

“Do you know how many aliens live their lives in secret on Earth?” asked the Doctor. “Because there’s a plethora of them. There’s one race in particular that lives on Earth. I first met them at Loch Ness in Scotland. They were a more conquest minded sect that came up after the loss of their homeworld. The Irkens have a treaty with them that no planetary invasion conducted by the Irkens can include their colony worlds.”

“Do you think the Irkens will honor the treaty?” asked Kate.

“They’ll have to,” replied the Doctor. “Representatives of the Shadow Proclamation were witnesses to the treaty signing. Even someone as zealous to the Irken Empire’s ideals as Zim wouldn’t dare break the treaty.”

On the subject of Zim, two hours had passed. “Alert! Alert!” warned the computer. “Cellular reconstruction has been altered! Original height could not be achieved! Growth spurt has occurred! Height now equals that of the Tallest. Apologies, my Tallest!” The chamber opened and a green fog flooded the base. Out stepped a fully clothed Irken standing at 2.3 meters, 7’5”! Zim was now as tall as Tak!

“Why apologize, computer?” he asked. “You’ve served your Tallest well! Now, upgrade GIR to the current top of the line SIR model!”

“Unable to comply, Master!” replied the computer. “Unit GIR and Unit Minimoose have abandoned the base!”

“WHAT?! FOR WHAT REASON?!” demanded Zim.

“They’ve realized that the upgrade would change Unit GIR into a proper SIR unit. GIR has fled the base with Minimoose and-.”

“BAH! My Empire needs no deserters! Prepare to inform my people that-!”

“There is more. Tak is coming with the Irken Armada to kill us all.”

“What is her rule like?” asked Zim.

“She’s been focused on rebuilding Irk after the Great Control Brain Malfunction,” replied the computer. “No planets have been conquered or reconquered.”

“What?! She dares deny the Irkens our desire to conquer?! To bring planets under our heel?!”

“Half the Empire is grumbling about it, but they’re just waiting for the day to start what they dub as Operation Impending Doom III, regardless of how it’s planned. They WILL abandon Tak if that operation were to start under your rule.”

“The patience of those Irkens will be well rewarded if they join me!” Zim allowed himself an evil laugh.

“I hate to cut your laughter short, Master,” interjected the computer, “but there IS a wrinkle to both your plan and Tak’s. A monster has been identified in a lake the local humans call Loch Ness.”

“…How does that relate to-?”

“Apologies for interrupting,” said the computer, “but the monster matches the description of a Skarasen.”

“WHAT?!” yelped Zim. “The Zygons wouldn’t dare! Surely they wouldn’t dare claim THIS planet as a colony world!”

“The Doctor has been detected speaking to them. I think she knows about the Treaty of Zimtok V.”

“Oh no! I know her plan! She intends to delay my rise to power! Not this time! I’ll destroy her, destroy this planet, destroy Tak, AND RETURN THE IRKEN EMPIRE TO ITS FORMER GLORY! NO! A NEW GLORY! AN ETERNAL AGE OF GLORY!” Zim laughed as he stepped onto the elevator!

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 4

Doom! Doom! DOOM!: Part 2

“There is NO way that’s a healthy weight for Irkens!” shuddered Amy.

“I can’t claim to be the greatest authority on Irken physiognomy,” replied the Doctor, “but that’s just obese from what I could glean of their species.”

“This Irken doesn’t look like much of a threat,” remarked Lurra Rus. “Unless he took some cues from the Hutts.”

“He’s drooling, though,” observed Dib. “Is he in a coma?”

“It looks like it,” observed the Doctor. “…Gross though this is, I need to examine his PAK.”

“You’re not gonna climb all over him, are you?” asked Dib.

“Not the most pleasant of prospects, but necessary,” shuddered the Doctor. She then climbed up the 800-pound Irken all the way to a grey metal backpack with pink circular panels. She pointed her sonic screwdriver at it and the biggest panel slid open to reveal a status screen. “All right, let’s see if I can access the mnemonic archive.”

“The what?” asked Amy.

“Irken PAKs serve as a secondary brain, life support, and multitool,” explained the Doctor. “They’re cybernetically grafted onto an Irken’s spine when they’re hatched. Mnemonic archives hold all the Irken’s memories.”

“And you’re trying to access it,” realized Lurra Rus, “to figure out why he’s so big and in a coma.”

“Exactly,” confirmed the Doctor. The status screen then changed. “AHA! Here we are! …Okay, so he started as an Invader, accidentally invaded his homeworld of Irk, was reassigned to be a fast food drone on Foodcourtia, then…hang on, he ended his banishment himself? That’s the action of a defective, not an Invader. …Let’s see…oh my word. A Florpus hole?! And…oh my!” The Doctor switched the status screen off. “…He’s killed the Twin Tallest? …Then the Irken Empire is leaderless! …No wonder!” The Doctor jumped down from the massive Irken. “Dib, did he really move Earth like that?”

“Yeah, using my dad’s Membracelets!” replied Dib. The Doctor then approached Amy and Lurra Rus.

“A Florpus Hole,” she said, “is an artificial black hole that feasts on alternate timelines and realities. This Irken used the Membracelets to teleport Earth into the path of the Irken Armada during their flight path that formed the backbone of Operation Impending Doom II. The Irken here had one last call with his leaders, the Almighty Tallest, when they were puppets trapped in a dimension of fire after the Earth was restored to its proper place. Now, it seems, he realized he’s killed those he worshipped with such zealous fanaticism. Hence the food coma and obesity.”

“…Guilt!” realized Dib. “He’s wracked with guilt! No wonder he’s been so quiet!” Dib turned on the obese Irken. “So, your desire to please your leaders ended up with you killing them! Doesn’t rest well with your Squeedlyspooch, does it, Zim?!”

“Dib, there’s no reason to hang that over his head!” snapped the Doctor. “Even he deserves compa…wait, what did you say his name was?”

“What, Zim?” asked Dib. “Yeah, that’s his name.”

“…What year is this again?” asked the Doctor, worry furrowing her brow.

“Erm, 2025, why?” quizzed Dib.

“…Oh dear,” muttered the Doctor. “I need to check on the Irken Empire. Dib, have you entered the base proper?”

“Y-Yeah, it’s underground,” replied Dib. “Through the toilet in the kitchen.”

“…In the kit-?” The Doctor looked into the kitchen and, yes, there was a toilet in there on the far wall with a poster above it that said, “I eat food!” The Doctor blinked. “…Right then.” Dib showed the Doctor how the toilet was actually an elevator. The group then entered the lower levels. Unbeknownst to them, the security protocols were displaying the footage onto the TV Zim was currently opposite of.

The base proper consisted of the twisting, wire-laden technology that was a staple of the Irken Empire. The Doctor went to the main console and started fiddling with it. “Doctor, what are you doing?” asked Amy.

“Checking on a nasty theory,” replied the Doctor. “I’ll explain as it happens if it’s true. Aha, here we are! A direct line to Irk, the Irken homeworld!” She keyed in a command to call Irk. “Irken Base on Earth calling Irken Homeworld, requesting communication with the Control Brains, over.” An Irken then appeared on screen. This one had purple eyes, a cybernetic implant above her left eye, and curled antennae (the signature antennae of a female Irken). Dib gasped in horror.

“TAK!” he yelped. “But…but why the growth spurt?!”

“Ah, Dib, the human!” purred the Irken woman. She WAS taller than the average Irken. “A bit of reconstitution.”

“…I’m…flattered you remember me,” remarked Dib.

“I’ve heard of you,” muttered the Doctor. “Tallest Tak, the Terror of the Irken Empire. But I was trying to contact the Control Brains.”

“Who are you and how do you know about the Control Brains?” demanded Tak.

“I’m the Doctor, a Time Lord from the planet of Gallifrey in the Constellation of Kasterborous.”

“A Time Lord! I thought the Daleks rendered you extinct! No matter!” Tak smiled a wicked smile. “Tell me, are you aware of what happened to my predecessors?”

“I found out through his mnemonic archive that Zim opened a Florpus Hole and the Tallest were sent there.”

“Good. I can make the explanation shorter,” said Tak. “The sudden loss of our people’s figureheads caused the Control Brains to go into meltdown. Now they’re only useful for keeping the species going, not making decisions. As such, the Tallest have complete authority over the Empire, as they should!”

“So you took advantage of your growth spurt and became the new Tallest,” summed up the Doctor.

“The ALMIGHTY Tallest, thank you, Doctor!” corrected Tak.

Back in the living room, Zim watched the conversation go on. “Tak, I appreciate that you’re in a delicate position,” said the Doctor, “but Zim’s not dead. He’s simply in a coma and-!”

“Then he’s still on Earth?” asked Tak.

“Yes, but-!”

“Then he is no threat to me! My predecessors’ decision about that defective’s exile stands!”

“Tak, you don’t know the danger he’ll bring if-!”

“SILENCE!” shouted Tak. “Doctor, I will not obey the mad ramblings of the Last Time Lord! This discussion is at an end!” Tak switched the call off.

“Stupid woman!” snapped the Doctor. “If we don’t deal with Zim, then the greatest tragedy within the Irken Empire will take place!” As the Doctor ranted, Zim…snarled.

“…Computer…!” he weakly said. “Begin…cellular…reconstitution!”

“Yes, Master!” replied a voice.

“Greatest tragedy?” asked Dib.

“I’m afraid we’re taking part in historical events,” muttered the Doctor. “The Irken Civil War will begin if Zim leaves.”

“Doctor, what do you mean ‘Civil War’?” asked Lurra Rus.

“Without the Control Brains, the Irkens will devolve into factionalism and fight to recognize either Tak or Zim as the one true Almighty Tallest,” explained the Doctor. “Dib, I need you to monitor Zim! Tell me everything he does! He needs to remain in that coma!”

“Doctor, if it’s a historical event-!” argued Amy.

“It’s not supposed to happen until 2030!” replied the Doctor. “If he starts it now, there will be a temporal paradox to clean up!”

“I better head back up, then,” declared Dib. “Maybe I can trick GIR into helping out!”

“That’s the spirit! Off you go!” Dib returned to the elevator and went back up. The Doctor then started working the console.

“What are you doing?” asked Lurra Rus.

“I’m trying to add a subliminal message to Zim’s PAK,” explained the Doctor. “I need to tell him that he shouldn’t start claiming his Empire until 2030 as that’s when Earth will be at its weakest.”

“Will it?” asked Lurra Rus.

“No, no,” replied the Doctor. “But Zim won’t think about returning to his ‘secret mission’ until he’s secured himself as the Almighty Tallest.”

Dib returned to the kitchen and headed to the living room just in time to see the floor open beneath Zim! The couch Zim was using dropped down…then Zim got stuck! “Oh no!” gulped Dib. Zim heard him and moved his head as best he could.

“So, your Time Lord friend knows my future!” cackled the Irken. “It makes sense! The Tallest before me had sent me here…because they knew how much of a threat I was to their power! My genius would make the Irken Empire more powerful than ever before! I would create greater ships, even one more powerful than the Massive! I SHALL BE THE GREATEST TALLEST IN ALL THE EMPIRE!”

“None of that was predicted by the Doctor!” argued Dib. “And, right now, you’re the fattest!”

“That will change! GIR! MINIMOOSE! ASSIST ME!” GIR and a small, purple plush moose arrived and tried to shove Zim down!

“OH NO, YOU DON’T!” declared Dib as he leapt at Zim. Minimoose intercepted Dib and knocked him into a wall, then GIR brought out a comically large hammer.

“WAIT! GIR!” protested Zim. Too late. GIR smashed the hammer down on Zim and managed to get him into the chute beneath him!

“Cellular reconstruction will begin upon arrival,” droned the computer. “Estimated arrival time, 40 minutes. Estimated reconstruction time, 2 hours.”

Categories
Doctor Who: Crossings Series 4

Doom! Doom! DOOM!: Part 1

The TARDIS drifted lazily through the Time Vortex. Amy and Lurra Rus had exhausted all the avenues inside the TARDIS that they could come up with and were making their way to the console room. They found the Doctor sitting on a couch and reading a book. “Ahem!” grunted Amy. The Doctor was too absorbed in her book.

“…Sheesh! Should have known they’d get it wrong about Alpha Centauri so early!” she muttered.

“Doctor!” hissed Lurra Rus.

“300 zarps, my right-hand heart!” scoffed the Doctor, still engrossed in her book. Amy stomped up to the Doctor and tore the book out of her hands! “OI!” protested the Doctor.

“We’ve been drifting in the Time Vortex for almost ten days now!” snapped Amy.

“Well, the old girl still needs to settle into the Vortex,” replied the Doctor. “After having hypnotic music forced into her speakers so soon after her reconstruction, the poor girl needs rest!”

“Doctor, surely we can at least be on the lookout for distress calls!” protested Lurra Rus.

“We ARE,” assured the Doctor. “The TARDIS’ emergency distress signal locators are online. One little beep and we’re on our way to save the day.” Then…a phone rang. “Huh?!” The Doctor looked to the door leading outside.

“…How-?” asked Amy.

“I made it wireless and able to pick up any call,” replied the Doctor. She headed to the box on the door containing the phone, swung the box so she could access the phone, and picked up. “Hello, you’ve reached the Doctor’s TARDIS. Do you have an appointment? …KATE! It’s been too long! …It never IS just a social call with you UNIT types, is it? What do you need? …Doomsville? That’s a thing? …As a matter of fact, I HAVE heard about them. …Uh huh. …Well, if one of their invaders is on Earth, their armada’s not far behind. …All right, I’ll be there shortly. The TARDIS is tracing the call right now. …Right then. Goodbye.” The Doctor hung up.

“Odd version of a distress call,” remarked Lurra Rus.

“It’s a potential distress call,” explained the Doctor. “The daughter of an old friend of mine wants my help in assessing an alien threat in an American city called Doomsville. Evidently, there’s an alien there that’s part of a rather belligerent species. The TARDIS should have…AHA! We have our heading!” The Doctor adjusted the settings so the TARDIS could make its way to the coordinates.

Doomsville, one of the dankest cities in America. And with a population of the stupidest and most emotionally stunted people. Nobody batted an eye when the TARDIS landed. The Doctor opened the door…and instantly regretted it! “URGH!” she gagged. Amy and Lurra Rus coughed once they left the TARDIS.

“Ugh! Doesn’t anyone know about public sanitation?!” gagged Amy.

“Are you sure we aren’t in Hutt Space, Doctor?” asked Lurra Rus. “This smells like the Hutt homeworld!”

“It’s a human city, Ma’am,” replied a voice muffled by a mask. A human woman with a blonde bob haircut arrived.

“Kate!” greeted the Doctor. “Everyone, meet Dr. Kate Stewart, commander-in-chief of UNIT, the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce! I used to work for her father as the scientific advisor during my exile in the 70’s.”

“You still are, Doctor,” remarked Kate. “You still haven’t officially retired. Perhaps we should talk somewhere that isn’t so smelly. We have a base set up nearby.”

“Thank you, Kate, that would be helpful,” said the Doctor. Everyone followed Kate to an abandoned restaurant with UNIT equipment set up. The air was SO much cleaner! Amy and Lurra Rus felt like they could breathe!

“What kind of health and safety record does this whole city have?!” asked Amy.

“Nothing considered good,” replied Kate. “Doctor, I know you’re a busy woman, but with what our witness described, I couldn’t risk it.”

“Believe it or not, I had nothing but free time,” assured the Doctor. “And Amy and Lurra Rus were getting bored anyways.”

“A pleasure to have this kind of distraction,” said Amy.

“What is this alien threat that has you lot concerned?” asked Lurra Rus.

“I think it best that the one that called us,” explained Kate, “should brief you. Lieutenant.”

“Ma’am!” replied a soldier.

“Bring our friend here,” ordered Kate.

“Yes, Ma’am!” confirmed the soldier. He marched off to the back room, then returned with a big-headed boy with glasses and a black coat.

“Doctor, meet the one that called us,” introduced Kate.

“Hello there, young man,” greeted the Doctor. “I’m the Doctor. These are my companions, Amy Rose and Lurra Rus.”

“Nice to meet you,” replied the kid. “I’m Dib Membrane.” The Doctor’s eyes widened.

“Dib Membrane?!” she asked. She then grinned. “I can’t say too much, but you have a great future ahead of you!”

“Really?” asked Dib. “That’s…nice of you to say.”

“Now, what’s this I heard about an Irken threat?” asked the Doctor. “One of their invaders is here?”

“Yeah! But we’ve been fighting for a while and I haven’t seen one Irken ship!” replied Dib. “I mean, aside from this one and another that briefly visited us.”

“Describe this Irken you usually fight.”

“Well, he’s about my height, has green skin, ruby compound eyes, wears a tunic colored like his eyes, and he’s got antennae on his head.”

“A ruby Irken?” mused the Doctor. “Numerically the most common Irken.”

“And this Irken’s REALLY into the whole conquering thing!” supplied Dib. “…Although, apparently his tech’s outdated, at least from what I saw.”

“An Irken Invader? With outdated technology? …What does that mean for their SIR unit?”

“A SIR unit, Doctor?” asked Kate.

“Standard-issue Information Retrieval Units,” explained the Doctor. “Robots that assist an Irken Invader in gathering information on a planet’s weaknesses so the Invader can destroy all defenses in time for the Irken Armada to conduct their Organic Sweep.”

“That implies…well, extermination,” remarked Amy.

“As it should. They’re quite Dalek-like in that regard.”

“But why give an Invader outdated technology?” asked Lurra Rus.

“A good question,” remarked the Doctor. “I think I’ll need to inspect their base of operations. Dib, do you happen to know where the Irken lives?”

“Yeah, and it’s just ‘normal’ enough to fool everyone else in Doomsville,” replied Dib.

“Right then! Lead the way! Oh, but first! Kate, could my companions and I borrow masks?”

“Of course, Doctor,” answered Kate.

“Come on!” protested Dib. “It’s not that bad!”

“Easy for you to say!” remarked Lurra Rus. “You live here!”

“I think all the fumes swelled your head,” said Amy. “That must be why it’s so big!”

“MY HEAD’S NOT BIG!” protested Dib.

Once they were masked, the Doctor and her friends followed a grumbling Dib, still sore about his head size. They made their way to a cul-de-sac with apartment buildings. “There it is!” called Dib as he pointed out the one house. It was a tall, green house with a purple roof and door (which appears to have come from a men’s bathroom). It had a satellite dish on one side of the roof, and the front yard was covered in lawn ornaments, including a flamingo, two puffer fish, a flag that said, “I heart Earth”, and four large robotic Lawn Gnomes flanking the main path to the door.

“…Erm…” The Doctor was struggling to find a word for the whole ensemble. “I know humans tend to just walk past the strange and unusual, but surely that set off alarm bells.”

“City Council never ordered it removed,” replied Dib.

“Do the gnomes do anything?” asked Amy.

“Well, they CAN shoot lasers from their eyes, but people can slip quietly in.”

“Hm, I wonder.” The Doctor pulled out her sonic screwdriver and switched it on. She then approached the house, but the gnomes didn’t fire on her. “Excellent!” She looked back. “It’s safe!” she called. “The gnomes think we’re Irken Inspectors, personally checking on our friend’s progress!” Her friends and Dib joined her as they approached the front door. The door opened and two robots that looked like cartoony depictions of parents of a Nuclear Family appeared.

“Welcome home, Son!” they said as they twitched and sparked, indicating their faulty status. The group entered the house and were greeted by darkness.

“…Did the Invader forget to pay their electric bill?” joked the Doctor. “In all seriousness, shouldn’t their SIR unit be here?”

“HALT, INTRUDERS!” came a robotic voice. The group turned to see glowing red eyes. They then heard a whine of weapons being primed.

“GIR, cut that out!” snapped Dib.

“…OKAY!” The eyes turned blue and the weapons powered down.

“That’s his SIR unit, GIR,” explained Dib. “He’s not that big of a threat.”

“…GIR?” asked the Doctor. She looked at GIR’s eyes. “What does the ‘G’ stand for?”

“I don’t know,” replied GIR. He then shrieked happily as he drummed on his head. The Doctor and her friends blinked.

“…You think the ‘G’ stands for ‘garbage’?” Lurra Rus asked Amy.

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Amy.

“GIR, I’ve got some cola for you if you can switch the lights on,” Dib offered GIR.

“Poop cola?!” asked GIR.

“Right here,” replied Dib as he pulled out a bottle of soda.

“OKAY!” GIR turned the lights on, then accepted the drink and walked off to do other things.

“There we go!” said the Doctor. “Now let’s-WHOA!” Her exclamation made everyone look at what she caught sight of, and they made similar exclamations! There, on the couch of the base’s living room was an 800-pound mound of green flesh with a barely visible head. The head had ruby compound eyes, antennae, and an open mouth with drool and foodstuff remains dripping out of it!