The Web of Stories
Sty was once an Invader of the mighty Irken Empire. She silently supported Tak, but obeyed Tallest Zim, not that her efforts were recognized by the zealot. Unfortunately, the Irken Empire and its people were destroyed by the Daleks and she learned the Doctor’s pain of being the last of her people. Now she travels with the Doctor and Tysar to undo Omega’s machinations.
The Daleks were sending death squads onto Irk’s surface. Irkens all over the planet tried to counter-attack, but the Daleks simply exterminated the Irken soldiers. All that was left was the command center. A few Martian soldiers died while trying to help the Irkens. Marvin was getting battlefield report after battlefield report. “My Queen, Irk is a lost cause!” he said. “We have to retreat!”
“…I don’t like that word, but we have no choice,” muttered Tyr’ahnee. “The Doctor said that Zim must survive. Find him and bring him aboard the ship. Order our forces to return to the ship. We are leaving.”
“At once, my Queen.”
Everything was crumbling around Zim. The Empire he once served and commanded with such zealotry was now dying around him. The screams of his soldiers and the constant casualty reports were now fading into a constant ringing noise in his head. Even the report of Gaz’s extermination was now just background noise. “…My Tallest?” he mumbled, now seeing visions of the two Tallest he once served. He then felt a hand grab his arm, snapping him out of his trance. “What in-?!”
“Zim, come on!” called Marvin.
“Unhand me! I have an empire to-!”
“Zim, we both know the Irken Empire is dead! Now come on!”
“You’re not taller than me! Let go of-!” Marvin rolled his eyes and slung Zim over his shoulder. “PUT ME DOWN!” demanded Zim.
“I’m sorry, but I’m a slave to history,” replied Marvin as he ran out with Zim. The Irkens couldn’t believe it! Someone had kidnapped the Almighty Tallest! In the middle of a war!
The Doctor and her group arrived at the TARDIS. Link wanted so desperately to swing his sword into the Daleks, but the Doctor advised against it. Ariel tried again. “Doctor, please!” begged the former mermaid.
“You know I can’t,” sighed the Doctor. “Irk is destined to die. There’s nothing we can do about it. History is on track.”
“But Doctor, can’t you save just someone?! It’s not fair!”
“Don’t you think I haven’t thought about that?!” snapped the Doctor, tired of the argument. “My own planet burned! My people were slaughtered twice over in my eyes! If I could go back in time and prevent it all, I would, but I can’t! I just can’t!”
“I’m not asking you to save every Irken! Just please!” begged Ariel. “Just save someone!” The Doctor just stared at Ariel…then a memory appeared in front of her. …She was a man at the moment. The TARDIS console room was coral themed. There was a ginger woman. Sassy, headstrong, bit loud…and she was begging the Doctor to save someone from…from Pompeii during Mt. Vesuvius’ eruption. …Donna Noble, that was her name. …Then the Doctor remembered Lobus Caecilius and his family. She remembered stretching out his hand. She remembered that…history went on with barely a feather ruffled. …She then recalled Sty, selflessly bringing the Doctor and her friends to the command center.
“…Where is she?” the Doctor muttered to herself. An Irken then passed by, gathering weapons. The Doctor grabbed the Irken. “You! Where’s Invader Sty?!”
“B-By the command center’s ruins!” replied the Irken. “But-?!”
“Everyone, in!” the Doctor ordered her friends.
Sty fired, doing what she could to push back the Daleks. All around her, the Daleks screamed their familiar battle cry of “Exterminate!” Her gun’s battery pack was then exhausted. More Daleks were coming. One of them fixed her with a stare. “You are Invader Sty!” it barked.
“That’s right!” replied Sty.
“You will be exterminated!” continued the Dalek as it aimed its gunstick. …Just then, a wind picked up and a noise filled the air.
“Alert! Alert!” warned a Dalek. “Temporal disturbance detected!”
“It is the Doctor!” realized the first Dalek. The TARDIS then appeared between Sty and the Daleks with the doors facing the Irken. The doors opened and the Doctor reached out to Sty.
“Come with me,” she directed. Sty looked all around…then reached for the Doctor’s hand!
“All weapons primed and ready!” reported the Dalek Helmsman.
“All Irken defenses destroyed!” said the Saucer Commander. “The Irkens cannot act against us!”
“Martian ship leaving Irk!” reported another Dalek.
“Pursuit of Martian ship is unnecessary!” decided the Dalek Supreme. “Order evacuation of Irk!”
“I obey!” replied the third Dalek. It passed along the orders to all Dalek Death Squads. “All Daleks returned to their ships!”
“Fire weapons!” ordered the Dalek Supreme as it shook in anticipation. “Destroy Irk!”
“I obey!” replied the Dalek Helmsman. “Firing all weapons!”
The World Smasher class saucer deployed two massive laser cannons as the other saucers began their orbital bombardments. The flagship fired and fiery cracks appeared on Irk’s surface. Just then, Irk exploded, taking all Irkens with it. The last remnant of the Irken Empire…gone in just a few minutes.
Aboard the Martian ship, Zim saw the destruction and collapsed to his knees. All of it…gone.
Sty was feeling the same feelings as Zim when she saw what happened on the TARDIS monitor. “…My world,” she mumbled. “…Destroyed.”
“…I…I’m sorry,” said the Doctor, wondering if she made a mistake. She then glanced back. “Tysar, look after Sty, will you?”
“Yes, Doctor,” replied Tysar. She sat next to the poor Irken as the Doctor worked.
“…Ariel,” said the Doctor.
“Hm?” asked Ariel.
“…In all that chaos, I had almost forgotten why I took up my title. …Like a companion before me, you held me to the mark. …Thank you.” Ariel smiled a small smile.
“…I think I need to go back home,” she said.
“I’ve got the coordinates set for you,” said the Doctor. “Goodbye, my dear.” She flicked a switch and Ariel vanished while waving goodbye.
“…I think I’ve seen enough,” said Zelda.
“Same,” agreed Link.
“Well, since you two were just seconds apart in your little vanishing acts,” replied the Doctor, “I can safely return you to the same time in Hyrule. Setting coordinates…AHA! There!”
“I just hope this doesn’t happen to me again,” said Zelda. “Once was enough.”
“True that,” agreed the Doctor. “Farewell!” She flicked a switch and the two Hylians vanished.
Back on the World Smasher Saucer, the Dalek Supreme was in communication. “Dalek Supreme in former Irken Space to Emperor on Skaro!” A Dalek with a gold sphere replacing the dome and neck section then appeared, the Emperor Dalek itself in its mobile casing!
“Report!” it commanded in a booming voice.
“Irken Homeworld destroyed! World Smasher class test run successful! Irken people now extinct!” The Dalek Supreme was twitching in what passed for happiness for Daleks.
“What of Sty?” asked the Emperor. The Dalek Supreme’s twitching stopped.
“Sty?” it asked.
“Reports coming in!” reported the Dalek that originally objected to the Doctor’s survival. “The Doctor appeared before Dalek units could exterminate Sty! She is now aboard the Doctor’s TARDIS!”
“This failure is unacceptable!” boomed the Emperor. “Who ordered the Doctor to live?!”
“The order was given by the Dalek Supreme!” replied the Dalek. “The survival of Sty has secured the Vanguard Resistance’s beginnings!”
“Correct!” agreed the Emperor. “Engage frequency 479! Apply to the Dalek Supreme! Tell it how it failed, then DESTROY IT!”
“I obey!” The Dalek sent out a frequency that jammed the Dalek Supreme’s gunstick. “The survival of Sty has caused considerable disruption of our war against the Vanguard Resistance!”
“This was a matter that was not told to me!” insisted the Dalek Supreme.
“Our orders were to exterminate all life on Irk!”
“The Irken Genocide was a fixed point in history! THE DOCTOR COULD NOT INTERFERE!” By now, the Dalek Supreme sounded panicked.
“THE RESPONSIBILITY WAS YOURS!” shrieked the Dalek ready to execute the Supreme. “YOU HAVE FAILED! THE DALEKS DO NOT ACCEPT FAILURE!” It opened fire and blew a hole into the Dalek Supreme, killing it. The Emperor watched the whole thing.
“Identify yourself!” boomed the Emperor.
“Dalek Two-Two-One-One-One-Nine-Six-Three!” replied the Supreme’s executioner.
“Dalek Two-Two-One-One-One-Nine-Six-Three, take command of the World Smasher!” ordered the Emperor. “Return to Skaro for your promotion to Dalek Supreme!”
“I obey!” replied the Dalek.
Back in the TARDIS, Sty sat in the console room as the Doctor worked to find Omega’s next stop after Irk. Tysar came in. “Well?” asked Tysar.
“…Earth,” replied the Doctor. “Omega went to a place called Monster Island. …Looks like three chronal surges are centered there. …Now, about Sty…” The Doctor headed over to the Irken. “…Sty, you’ve been through a lot,” she said. “And I know you had no choice but to come with us when you’d rather be back with your own people-.”
“Doctor, my world was torn apart!” replied Sty. “My people slaughtered!”
“I know,” soothed the Doctor. “And I see in your eyes that you want to help somehow. To do something. …Sty, we can’t go back and undo what the Daleks have done to the Irken Empire, but maybe, somehow, we can stop greater tyrants than them from ruining more worlds. …Omega was on your world and was trying to cause chaos through the Grouping. If the Grouping isn’t settled, then imagine what Omega will set his sights on next. …You don’t have to come with me though. …That goes for you too, Tysar. Omega knows I’m after him. I brought the fight to Omega, and I’ll fight him alone if need be.”
“You will not!” protested Tysar. “I have something to say to the man myself! And Doctor, I think Ariel is proof that your judgement is…a bit flawed when you’re alone.”
“…Ariel…that was…the red-headed woman, yes?” asked Sty.
“Yes,” confirmed the Doctor. “She asked me to save someone even if I couldn’t save the entire Irken race.”
“…Then I’d best make sure her pleas were not in vain,” decided Sty. “We must pursue Omega!”
“…Thank you. Both of you.” The Doctor then set the coordinates. “2026, Island off the coast of Japan, here we go!” The TARDIS then spun through the Time Vortex with purpose.
“SHE IS AN ENEMY OF THE DALEKS!” reminded another Dalek aboard the Saucer.
“SHE MUST BE EXTERMINATED!” urged the Saucer Commander.
“NO!” argued the Dalek Supreme.
“…No?!” asked the Saucer Commander. “She is our greatest enemy! She must be exterminated before she sabotages the operation!”
“The Doctor cannot interfere in the destruction of Irk!” replied the Dalek Supreme. “The Laws of Time she upholds forbid her from interfering in fixed points in time! History indicates that only Tallest Zim survives! All other Irkens are exterminated! Her presence does not change things!”
“But the Doctor will urge the Martians to take Zim away!”
“Then so be it! This will be a victory over the Doctor! Alert Dalek Spearhead! The Doctor is not to be exterminated! Obey! OBEY!!”
“I…obey!” replied the Saucer Commander.
The transport continued on its way rapidly through the capital city of Irk. “Of all the things to spawn from there, why did Skaro have to produce the Daleks?”
“Skaro? Is that their home planet?” asked Sty.
“That’s correct,” replied the Doctor. “The same ancestral home world as Tysar’s people, the Thals.”
“The Daleks are our ancient enemies,” explained Tysar. “We’ve opposed even their humanoid ancestors, the Kaleds.”
“The Thals’ war against the Kaleds went nuclear,” continued the Doctor, “then a lunatic Kaled scientist called Davros mutated his people into the Daleks.”
“Y-You mean there’s…something alive in those things?!” shuddered Ariel.
“Imagine those polyps of Ursula’s had become so warped by hate and that she slapped them into a tank that’s powered by psychokinetic energy from the polyp,” said the Doctor.
“They’re the scourge of the universe,” said Sty, “and we have to resist them!” The Doctor placed her hand on her face in thought.
“…We have to get Zim off this planet,” she said.
“Yes. The Tallest must survive…even though Tallest Tak proved to be better at…sorry. Bit sore about Tak’s loss in the Irken Civil War.”
“What happened to her after the war?” asked the Doctor.
“She was subjected to an Existence Evaluation,” replied Sty. “She failed it somehow and she was killed while her PAK’s data was erased.”
“But the Control Brains weren’t operating at full capacity during the Civil War,” recalled the Doctor.
“That’s why I say the judgement was flawed. But anyone that looks too deeply is reassigned to degrading positions.” The transport then arrived. “Come on!” Everyone left the transport.
“Naturally, we wouldn’t dream of encroaching on Irken Territory,” Tyr’ahnee said to Zim, “but we WOULD prefer to know when you intend to conquer a planet.”
“Of course, the same will apply to you,” said Zim. “That just leaves settling disputes on if we intend to conquer the same planet.”
“…Perhaps a joint conquest and the conquered chooses who will be their tyrant?” suggested Tyr’ahnee.
“That actually sounds fun!” purred Zim. “But how to-?” The Doctor and her group then burst into the room. “What the-?! SECURITY!” shouted Zim. “DO WE NO LONGER HAVE IT?!”
“My Tallest-!” urged Sty.
“SILENCE!” shouted Zim.
“With respect, I need to-!”
“You DARE disobey your Almighty Tallest?! You know, Invader Sty, perhaps I should reassign you to-!”
“THE DALEKS ARE ON IRK!” Sty finally said. Everyone turned to Sty. “…Sizz-Lorr was nothing but a Dalek Duplicate that set up a transmat so its masters could just stroll onto Irk and begin their campaign! It’s likely THEY are the ones behind the destruction of the Empire!”
“LIES!” shouted Zim.
“Truth, I can assure you, Zim,” said the Doctor. “You and the Martians need to evacuate Irk!”
“Doctor, why should I believe an enemy?! You have thwarted me twice over and will NOT get the opportunity to thwart me a-!”
“My Tallest!” called an Irken running communications.
“CAN I GET A WORD IN EDGEWISE?!” shouted Zim as he pointed his gun at the offending Irken.
“Forgive me,” said the Irken, “but our outposts have reported that saucer-shaped ships are entering our space! The design of the ships matches Dalek aesthetics!”
“What?! They wouldn’t dare!” protested Zim.
“They would and they will,” sighed the Doctor.
“My Tallest, the Doctor insists that you evacuate Irk,” said Sty. “Why, I don’t know.”
“I’m not leaving until I get answers!” snarled Zim. “Send a message to the Dalek fleet!”
“The Daleks are sparing us the effort,” replied the Communications Irken. “THEY are contacting US.”
“They can’t resist a gloat,” sighed Tysar.
“Open a channel!” ordered Zim. A screen lowered itself into position and footage of the bridge of a Dalek Saucer appeared with the Dalek Supreme in the center.
“Attention, Irk!” it barked. “This is the Dalek Supreme aboard the Flagship of the Dalek Fleet approaching your world! Resistance is useless! Your time has come!”
“You’ve called to gloat,” called the Doctor. “Make it quick and be done with your mission here!”
“Doctor!” barked the Dalek Supreme.
“Dalek Supreme!” replied the Doctor. “If a member of the Dalek Supreme Council is here, your mission against the Irken Empire must be high on your Emperor’s list of priorities.”
“The new World Smasher class of vessel needs to be tested! You cannot prevent what is coming!”
“So that’s why you’re doing what history says you do, just to test out your new toy!”
“Pah! Inferior technology compared to the Irken Empire’s!” boasted Zim.
“If your superiority were true, you would have withstood our assault!” retorted the Dalek Supreme.
“You cannot destroy the Irken Empire! The Lords commanding those planets will prepare the counter-offensive and reclaim our territory-!”
“Duplicates of those under your command, Zim, have ensured that retaliation will be at its least effective! They served the Daleks in the purpose assigned to them, just as the duplicate of Sizz-Lorr did!”
“You’re lying!” insisted Zim.
“WE are responsible for the destruction of the planets of the Irken Empire! WE are responsible for the massacre of your people and vassals!”
“MORE FILTHY-!”
“They’re not lying, Zim!” interrupted the Doctor. “…The Daleks have been shrinking your empire and history didn’t know until I stumbled across this time to rescue Link, Zelda, and Ariel!”
“Doctor, you are permitted to rescue the victims of the Grouping!” barked the Dalek Supreme. “But you must hurry! The Dalek Death Squad that used the transmat the Sizz-Lorr duplicate built before its self-extermination is 500 rels from the main command center!”
“Doctor, if you value your life, you will assist us against the Daleks!” ordered Zim.
“I…I can’t,” sighed the Doctor.
“You will obey!”
“She cannot!” gloated the Dalek Supreme. “Before this day ends, Irk will be destroyed and your people will ALL be exterminated! The Irken Genocide is a fixed point in time! The Doctor cannot prevent this! All life is to bow down to the Daleks or else be exterminated!”
“Now I know you’re lying-!” snarled Zim.
“It’s not a lie!” called the Doctor. “…Zim, I’m sorry, but you MUST go with Tyr’ahnee and Marvin. The Irken races dies today with you being the only survivor and there’s nothing I can do to prevent it without breaking the laws of time.” Zim stared at the Doctor in horror.
“You…You have to be lying!” he insisted.
“Time Lords cannot lie about the Laws of Time they hold dear,” remarked Tyr’ahnee. Zim…stumbled. His whole empire…destined to fall?
“Now you understand!” barked the Dalek Supreme. “Fight or surrender, it makes no difference! You will be exterminated! Doctor, 400 rels remain!” The call then ended. Zim thought for just a second.
“…Ready all weapons!” he ordered. “We’re at war!”
“Irken Defenses are being raised!” reported a Dalek to the Supreme.
“That does not matter!” replied the Dalek Supreme. “Quantum fluctuations in this time period still indicate Dalek victory!”
“Dalek Spearhead reports that Tallest Consort is approaching!”
“Her survival is unimportant! Exterminate!”
Gaz Membrane had an Irken blaster in her hands and her PAK’s legs were fully extended, making her look like an unholy demon of flesh and steel. No sooner did she round a corner than the Dalek Spearhead arrived. “HALT!” shouted the Battle Commander. Gaz aimed her gun fired right at the eyestalk, taking the dome clean off!
“ALERT! ALERT! SPEARHEAD LEADER DESTROYED! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!!” shrieked the Battle Commander’s subordinate. The Daleks fired, but the legs from Gaz’s PAK kept her out of the line of fire. Another Dalek was shot in the dome, giving the thing a terminal headache. Then…Gaz noticed something.
“Wait, I shot two and you guys were six,” she said. “There’s only three of you left though. Where’s the fourth?”
“EXTERMINATE!” One of the Daleks had engaged its flight mode and snuck behind her, striking her right in the PAK and bathing her in the usual cold cyan light as her skeleton was briefly illuminated. She screamed in agony and her PAK’s legs gave out, causing her to collapse in an undignified heap. “Tallest Consort exterminated!” reported the flying Dalek as it set itself back onto the ground.
“Satisfactory!” replied the new Spearhead Leader. “Proceed! The Doctor is not to be harmed! Exterminate all others!”
“We obey!” replied its subordinates.
The prisoners were brought to Zim and Tyr’ahnee. “You caused quite a lot of noise, Doctor!” hissed Zim.
“So the rumors of Time Lords changing their faces are true, then?” asked Marvin.
“Well, I seem to recall you falling for Bugs Bunny’s disguise as Tyr’ahnee over there,” replied the Doctor, “so-.”
“Bunny?!” asked Tyr’ahnee. She turned on Marvin. “Our exile from Mars was because of a BUNNY?!”
“That rabbit’s clever, Your Majesty!” protested Marvin as he blushed, remembering the incident with the Ice Warriors. “…All right, so that IS the Doctor. What happened to the pink hedgehog?”
“She’s back in her home time,” replied the Doctor. “I think the real question is what are you lot doing on Irk? When did you make an alliance with the Irken Empire?”
“Desperate times forge strange alliances, Time Lord,” replied Tyr’ahnee.
“Well, take it from someone who’s been in your future, you should abandon the idea and get off of Irk as quickly as possible.”
“You should be familiar with the human expression ‘fat chance’, given your reputation of defending them, Doctor.”
“Let’s just say that-,” said Tysar. The Doctor clamped a hand over her companion’s mouth.
“Just trust us, all right?” asked the Doctor.
“I’m going to need more than the word of an enemy,” said Zim, “to convince me that sending the Martians away is a good idea.”
“My Tallest!” called an Irken. “A ship from Foodcourtia has arrived! It is heavily damaged and its pilot is asking to speak with you about the destruction of Foodcourtia!”
“What?! Bring the pilot here!” ordered Zim. He growled as the Irken obeyed. “Foodcourtia! Of all planets!”
“How did it get destroyed?” muttered Tyr’ahnee. “I heard the gravity field increases thanks to so many customers that it creates a time dilation.”
“Some master of time, perhaps?” guessed Marvin. Zim’s antennae twitched.
“…You know, you’re not the first Time Lord to visit the Empire recently,” he remarked to the Doctor.
“You make it sound like Gallifrey is responsible for its destruction,” replied the Doctor.
“Why not? Your TARDIS’s can handle the effects of the Great Foodening Queen Tyr’ahnee was talking about.”
“Tallest Zim, I can assure you, we are NOT responsible for the shrinking of your empire. We’re still in a state of reconstruction.”
“Then why would this Omega character be on Foodcourtia?” The Doctor’s gaze darkened.
“Omega is a renegade,” she explained. “He’s behind the Grouping, yes, but not behind your current problem. Let me send Ariel, Zelda, and Link back to their proper points in space-time, then give me any information you have on Omega and I’ll stop him from messing up your empire’s timeline.”
“Doctor, a word,” said Tysar. The Doctor and Tysar went to a corner to whisper to each other. “Are you sure Omega’s not behind this?”
“The Irken Genocide had evidence of conventional weaponry, not Gallifreyan,” replied the Doctor. “Something else will be behind what’s coming.” Just then, the door opened. The Irkens were helping a tall and fat Irken in a fry cook’s uniform with an apron and hat walk into the room, thanks to all the battle damage he sustained.
“Fry Lord Sizz-Lorr,” greeted Zim.
“M-My Tallest!” gasped Sizz-Lorr. “T-Terror is…is coming! F-Foodcourtia…destroyed! Gravity…resulted in…black hole! I was…only survivor!”
“Sizz-Lorr, who would destroy Foodcourtia?” asked the Doctor.
“D…D…D…the sauce…!” Sizz-Lorr collapsed before he could reveal anything.
“Get him to the medical center!” ordered Zim. “He can explain himself when he’s awake!” Tysar, having overheard everything like the others, had a nasty theory in her head.
“…God, I hope not,” she muttered.
The Doctor and her group were locked up in a cell with the TARDIS being taken away. “Drat,” muttered the Doctor. “Now we’re in for it. History says that only the Irken race dies today. If Tyr’ahnee and Marvin die, time is fractured!”
“Doctor, are you absolutely sure that-?!” urged Ariel.
“I can’t…interfere with history like that. …Not again.” The Time Lord Victorious went to the forefront of the Doctor’s mind.
“Can’t you save SOMEONE?!” asked Link.
“…All I can safely save is Zim,” sighed the Doctor. “And you lot. Everyone else, I’m…I’m bound by the laws of time not to.”
“That’s not fair!” protested Ariel.
“In an ideal world, I wouldn’t give a second thought to saving them!” snapped the Doctor. “…But tragedies need to happen! Ursula and Morgana’s respective schemes are a part of YOUR history! Zelda’s kidnappings are a part of her history, no matter how many times the timeline is reset! Power and heroism being forced on Link when he’d rather have a simple life is a part of his history! Tysar landing in Gotham is a part of her history! My stumbling on Skaro and giving my greatest enemies a shot at becoming a temporal power is a part of my history! Ariel, we can’t undo the tragedies of our lives, otherwise we fail to learn the lessons from them and something worse will taint our world-view! Maybe…somehow…we can prevent future tragedies like what’s coming from happening. …You all should be safe in the TARDIS when we get out. I brought this mystery to Irk…and I’ll solve it alone if I have to.”
“You will not!” protested Zelda. “You’ll probably make a beastly mess of things.”
“And you’ll need me around to tidy that mess up!” urged Tysar.
“…Looks like we have to solve the mystery before things get out of hand,” decided Link.
“…We’d better get on with it then,” sighed Ariel, feeling helpless. “And we better figure it out quickly before our names are added to the list of casualties.”
“…Thank you. All of you,” said the Doctor. “…Come on!” She then pulled out her sonic screwdriver.
“…They didn’t take it?” asked Tysar.
“Well, they didn’t take my shield and the Master Sword,” replied Link as he drew his sword.
“Their arrogance is usually their undoing,” remarked the Doctor. She buzzed the lock again and the door opened. “There we go! Come along! We’ve got work to…” She trailed off when she saw Sizz-Lorr walking down the hall, seemingly without pain despite all the scarring. “…Shouldn’t he be laid up in the medical lab?” pondered the Doctor aloud.
“Something’s not right with that man,” remarked Zelda.
“Come along. We’ll follow him.” The group cautiously followed Sizz-Lorr until he arrived at a storage barn. There was a hissing sound and his belly opened up!
“That’s not the real Sizz-Lorr?” asked Ariel.
“No,” confirmed the Doctor. “Some robotic duplicate? …Hang on. …That word he used just before he collapsed. …Something about sauce…and he was trying to say something that started with the letter D.” The Doctor then saw Sizz-Lorr take parts for something out of his belly and assemble something. Her eyes widened. “A transmat!”
“A what?” asked Ariel.
“Matter transmission, teleportation,” explained Tysar. “But from wh-?”
“Your people’s ancestral home-world!” replied the Doctor. “Sizz-Lorr’s a duplicate! The real one must have been killed during the destruction of Foodcourtia!”
“Doctor, you don’t mean-!” protested Tysar.
“Transmat complete, Masters,” droned Sizz-Lorr. He then stood silently as he received orders. “…I obey. Termination in three…two…one.” He then sparked and collapsed as the transmat warmed up!
“I obey!” shuddered Tysar. “The words of their slaves and what they say to their superiors!”
“Who?!” asked Link. “Who’s got you so spooked?!” Link got his answer as several shapes appeared on the transmat. The shapes solidified into a foe the Doctor and Tysar know all too well.
“Transmat transference complete!” barked the Battle Commander. “All Duplicates have reported successful sabotage of Irken Homeworld Defense Network! Proceed! Crush all resistance! Exterminate all life-forms! EXTERMINATE!”
“We obey!” replied the subordinates. They all then chanted “SEEK! LOCATE! EXTERMINATE! SEEK! LOCATE! EXTERMINATE!”
“Daleks!” hissed the Doctor. “We have to get out of here!”
“They’re just machines!” protested Link. “I can-!”
“Link, the Daleks have the superior weaponry and strategic advantage!” protested Tysar. “We have to go!”
“There’s a transport over there!” called Zelda as she pointed out an Irken supply vehicle.
“Everybody, to the transport! NOW!” ordered the Doctor. Everyone ran towards the transport.
“Life-forms detected!” called a Dalek.
“Halt! HALT!” shouted the Battle Commander. “EXTERMINATE!”
“EXTERMINATE! ANNIHILATE! DESTROY!” chanted the Daleks as they opened fire! Unfortunately, a few Irkens got caught in the crossfire!
“What’s all the rack-?!” Sty demanded as she arrived. One look at the invading force answered her question! “DALEKS!”
“Listen, Invader…!” called the Doctor.
“Invader Sty!”
“Invader Sty, we need to evacuate Zim from Irk! And the Martians too!”
“…Ordinarily, I’d throw you back into your cells and do what the guards should have done,” said Sty, “but we’re all united against the Daleks! Get on that transport!” Sty bundled them all onto the transport.
“Biological reports compiled!” reported a Dalek aboard one of the Daleks’ Saucers. The commanding Dalek was the Black and Gold Dalek Supreme.
“Summarize!” barked the Dalek Supreme.
“Non-Irkens were detected! Martians were the primary discovery as they were in the process of forming a mutual defense compact with the Irken Empire! Five other humanoids were detected! Pathweb has discovered a familiarity of one of the humanoids!”
“Display humanoid!” The Doctor’s image appeared via hologram. “Identify!” Just then, holograms of the Doctor’s previous incarnations appeared, along with all the titles the Daleks gave her.
“IT IS THE DOCTOR!” shrieked a Dalek.
Irk, the homeworld of the Irken Race and capital planet of their empire, an empire of hedonism that serves only the rulers instead of the people and those they’ve conquered. Right now, though, there was trouble in the empire and their ruler, the Almighty Tallest Zim, was going through reports to try and figure out why the empire was shrinking! His ally, the Tallest Consort, the human known as Gaz Membrane, stormed into his office. “Zim, you have GOT to figure this crap out!” she snarled.
“I’m aware of Videogamia being destroyed,” replied Zim. “We’re still looking for a pattern.”
“We need MORE than a pattern! We need new planets! Zim, the empire is shrinking by the day!”
“You think I don’t know that?!” snapped Zim.
“Did you also know that there’s an alien vessel in geostationary orbit?!” demanded Gaz.
“Has it been identified?” asked Zim.
“The translators are saying it’s called the Martian Maggot,” replied Gaz.
“A Martian ship?” Zim then stood up. “Let them land. I’m expecting them.”
“Zim?” asked Gaz.
“Queen Tyr’ahnee Mirkin,” explained Zim, “has also reported that her empire is shrinking, so we’re entering into a mutual defense compact.”
“We don’t need help from outsi-!”
“This coming from the HUMAN, need I remind you?” interrupted Zim. Gaz zipped it. “Come on. We must greet them.”
Tyr’ahnee and her faithful commander, Marvin, stepped off the ship once Zim and Gaz arrived. “Welcome, Queen Tyr’ahnee,” greeted Zim.
“So, this is the center of the Irken Empire,” remarked Tyr’ahnee. “Is that a human by your side?”
“This is the Tallest Consort, Gaz Membrane,” replied Zim.
“Definitely a human name,” said Tyr’ahnee. “Now, perhaps we should begin discussions on what could cause our empires to shrink.”
“Indeed,” agreed Zim. “Your commander will need to understand the layout of the empire as it stands, of course.” He turned to an Irken. “You! Give the Martian Queen’s commander full access.”
“At once, my Tallest,” replied the Irken. He turned to Marvin. “This way, please.”
“Very touching,” replied Marvin as he followed the Irken. Just then, another Irken, slightly shorter than the one leading Marvin, approached Zim.
“My Tallest, I have news!” she said.
“Not now, Invader Sty!” hissed Zim.
“But it concerns unauthorized life-forms on Irk-!” Zim grabbed the shorter Irken.
“Not! In front! Of the Martians!” he hissed. “Deal with the problem!” He then tossed the Irken aside. The Irken picked herself up.
“A-As you command, My Tallest,” she said. She then headed off.
“…Perhaps a robot force could quell any dissent, once this affair is over,” offered Tyr’ahnee.
“That…actually sounds like a good idea,” remarked Zim.
The Irken, Invader Sty, approached the troops under her command. “We’re dealing with the intruders ourselves,” she said.
“But Ma’am-!” protested one of her troops.
“Orders from Zim,” she said. “Nothing we can do. Arm weapons.” The Irkens obeyed.
“What was that?!” yelped a voice.
“It…sounds like those firearms I saw on Kamino,” said another.
“Stay behind me, you two!” finished a third.
“Link, that shield-!” The second speaker couldn’t finish as a man in a green tunic and pointed hat with pointy ears, a sword, and a shield rounded the corner.
“Stun blasts only! FIRE!” ordered Sty. The man raised his shield, but the weapons fire knocked it off his arm and another shot hit him in the chest, stunning him.
“LINK!” called the second speaker. This one was a woman with pointy ears like the man and wore a blue dress. The last person, the first speaker, was a woman with blood-red hair in a pink dress. The two women were hit with the Irkens’ stun weapons.
“Now what?” asked an Irken.
“Take them to the cells,” ordered Sty. “The Almighty Tallest will deal with them later.”
The red-head was the first to wake up. “Oof!” she groaned. “What was that shark’s name?!” Her vision cleared to see the two pointy-eared people lying unconscious next to her. “Oh my fins!” she yelped. She then lightly slapped the cheek of the woman. “Hey, are you all right?!” The woman groaned and opened her eyes. She looked up…then her memory slowly came back to her!
“…Another chronal surge!” she said. “And this time, Link was-! LINK!” She sat up and rushed to the man in the green tunic. “Link, are you all right?!” The man…snored. “…Of course you’d take a nap,” sighed the pointy-eared woman. She then seized the man’s ear. “GET UP, LINK!” she shouted, startling the man awake.
“YOW! HEY! EASY!” protested the man. “Sheesh, my ears are ringing, Princess!”
“Link, we need to get out of here!” insisted the woman. “We-!”
“Where IS here?” asked the red-head. “And who ARE you two? Are you elves?”
“…Why does everyone ask that?” sighed the man. “No, we’re Hylians from the Kingdom of Hyrule. I’m Link, the Hero of Hyrule.”
“And I’m Zelda, Hyrule’s Princess,” introduced the woman.
“Another Princess?!” gasped the red-head. “Nice to meet you! I’m Ariel, Princess of Atlantica!”
“A pleasure to meet you, Princess Ariel,” greeted Zelda. “Now, were you just minding your own business at home when an energy wave suddenly washed over you and pulled you through a vortex until you found yourself here with us?”
“…Y-Yes, that’s exactly what happened,” said Ariel. “But…how did you-?”
“A friend called the Doctor called it a Chronal Surge,” explained Zelda. “That energy wave takes you out of your usual point in space and time and plops you somewhere and somewhen else. I went through that once before and ended up on Kamino during the Clone Wars.”
“…You went to the Star Wars galaxy?” asked Ariel. “I think Disney’s lawyers would have something to say about tha…anyone else hear that?”
“Hey, isn’t that the-?” asked Link. A blue box then appeared in the hall.
“The TARDIS!” confirmed Zelda. “Excellent! The Doctor’s still on the case!” Speaking of whom, the Doctor stepped out with Tysar.
“All right, the TARDIS said those Chronal Surges brought their victims here, so-.” The Doctor then looked into the cell to see Zelda, Link, and Ariel. “…Well, that makes the job easier.”
“Hey, I remember you!” gasped Ariel. “You hosted that impromptu Whose Line is it Anyway show in the Magic Kingdom!”
“That I did!” replied the Doctor. She then saw Zelda and Link. “Zelda! Link! Hello again!”
“…Lady, I don’t remember seeing you before,” replied Link.
“No, no, Link, that’s the Doctor that helped me get back from Kamino!” explained Zelda.
“Hang on, THAT’S the Doctor?!” yelped Link.
“You snogged Zelda after she became the last segment of the Key to Time, yes?” quizzed the Doctor. “Right in my TARDIS after she came back and she mentioned an outfit you have? A cute one?”
“My Gerudo Vai outfit, yeah!” replied Link. “It IS you! But how-?!”
“No time to explain regenerations,” interrupted the Doctor as she pulled out the Sonic Screwdriver.
“You’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, to put it lightly,” explained Tysar as the Doctor worked on the cell doors. “This world…is about to die. So are its people.”
“What?!” asked Zelda. By then, the door was unlocked.
“This is the Irken Homeworld,” explained the Doctor, “the capital of those little green men you doubtlessly saw when you were thrown in there, and around this time, a horrible force kills the entire Irken Empire, all but one, Zim, the current leader.” Everyone stepped out of the cell and Link drew the Master Sword.
“Well, his people treated us roughly,” he said, “but that’s no excuse.”
“Pardon?” asked the Doctor.
“Link’s right,” agreed Zelda. “We can’t let innocents suffer.”
“Then let’s get them the help they need and-!” cheered Ariel.
“What ARE you talking about?’ asked the Doctor.
“…Th…The evacuation,” replied Ariel. “We have to save those people! Make it so that there’s no genocide!”
“Except we CAN’T do that!” urged the Doctor as she turned to the TARDIS. “Come on! Into the TARDIS, all of you!”
“Now wait a minute!” argued Link. “What in Hylia’s name are you trying to pull here?!”
“Doctor, we HAVE to help the Irkens!” pleaded Zelda.
“Not this time!” replied the Doctor. “Link, Ariel, Zelda, I’m sorry, but the Irken Genocide is a fixed point in time! What happens, happens! There is NO stopping it!” The Doctor turned back to the TARDIS again, but was yanked back by Ariel.
“Says who?!” she demanded.
“Says me!” retorted the Doctor.
“What, and you’re in charge?!”
“TARDIS, Time Lord, YEAH!”
“Ariel, Mermaid turned human, NO!” That’s TWO red-heads the Doctor had that argument with. “I don’t need your permission! I’ll tell the Irkens myself!”
“You try it, they’ll just dismiss you out of hand and vaporize you for telling primitive lies!” retorted the Doctor. “Now come on! TARDIS! We’re getting out of here!”
“I’ve got something to say about that, Time Girl!” snarled Link.
“Oh, I bet you do!”
“GUYS!” shouted Tysar.
“WHAT?!” asked everyone. Then they saw the Irkens and Marvin.
“…Martians?!” gasped the Doctor. “…Damn, now I NEED to stay on Irk!”
The Irken Armada was priming its weapons as error reports flooded the Massive. “…Okay, not going to lie, my sabotage WASN’T supposed to imperil the Earth,” said the Doctor. By then, Tysar and the Squid Sisters arrived.
“NOBODY MOVE!” demanded Callie as she raised her roller and Marie aimed her charger.
“What the-?! How did you three get here with weapons that fired ink instead of-?!” protested the Doctor. She then thought for a moment. “…Actually, here is probably the safest place for you three specifically.”
“Why, Doctor?” asked Tysar.
“Because her attempt to sabotage the Organic Sweep,” replied Gaz, “has actually set it so that the Earth would be space dust instead of the new food court planet we wanted.”
“So, Irkens, I’d say disregard Callie’s instructions on not moving, because we ALL need to move to stop the Organic Sweep,” said the Doctor.
“I’M the Tallest here! I’M the one that gives the orders!” snapped Zim. “…Everyone, help the Doctor fix the Organic Sweep!” Tools on spider-like limbs sprouted from Zim’s PAK. All Irkens and Gaz did the same as the Doctor pulled out her sonic screwdriver.
“We’ve got two minutes before the weapons open fire!” warned Dib.
“There’s not enough time for a full shutdown of the Organic Sweep!” yelped XIR.
“We’ll need to redirect the weapons fire!” replied the Doctor. “Gaz, Zim, can you two adjust the weapons angle by thirteen degrees?”
“That should be possible,” replied Zim.
“Adjusting now!” called Gaz.
“We’re also going to need to lower the intensity by 52%,” continued the Doctor.
“Let me take care of that!” replied Dib.
“One minute left!” warned XIR.
“New spatial coordinates confirmed!” called Zim.
“Intensity adjusted!” reported Dib. Zim grinned.
“Even with a malfunction, the inhabitants of Earth will surrender!” cackled Zim. Gaz smiled.
“You just prepared the Earth for our conquest, Doctor,” she said. She turned to XIR. “Begin planetary broadcast for after our weapons open fire.”
“Yes, Tallest Consort!” replied XIR.
“Doctor!” called Tysar.
“Steady now,” soothed the Doctor, crossing her fingers.
“Five, four, three, two, one! Firing sequence has begun!” called an Irken. …The Massive then rocked as it was hit with laser fire while it shot other ships in the Armada! From a distance, it looked like the Irken Armada was firing on itself. The weapons switched off as the alarms blared.
“REPORT!” ordered Zim.
“I don’t understand, Sir!” replied an Irken Engineer. “Those repairs we made should have made all weapons fire away from Earth but still light up their skies!”
“So why did we attack our own ships?!” demanded Gaz.
“I don’t know, Ma’am!” replied the Irken Engineer. “I’m getting malfunction reports from every deck of every ship!”
“Wait, where are our prisoners?!” called XIR. The Doctor, Dib, Tysar, and the Squid Sisters were gone! Zim snarled.
“They screwed everything up!” he snarled. “I want all hands to fix everything!” he ordered. “We’ll turn Earth into Foodcourtia II one way or-!”
“Sir, a teleporter to Earth was just activated!” called an Irken Security Officer. “Our prisoners got away!”
“Send out a-!” called Gaz.
“Alert!” called another Irken.
“WHAT NOW?!” shouted Gaz.
“Alien fleet incoming!” called the Irken. “Their weapons are primed and ready!”
“We’re being hailed!” alerted the Communications Irken.
“Put it through!” ordered Zim. The call went through.
“O Jo Blo Ro To Mo Co Fo Ro!” barked a voice.
Back on Earth, the Doctor listened in on the call. “The Judoon?! I thought the Wrarth Warriors were coming!” she grumbled.
“Who are the Judoon?” asked Callie.
“Thug police,” replied Dib. “I met them once in my time. Reminds me a lot of American Cops.”
“…I am SO sorry,” shuddered the Doctor.
“The Judoon are preparing to attack!” warned the Irken Communications Officer.
“We don’t have enough power for weapons!” called the Tactical Officer. “We can’t fight back!” Zim hated that he had to give such an order, but even HE could see how outmatched the Irken Armada was against the Judoon.
“…Withdraw,” he ordered. Everyone looked at him. Gaz didn’t bother, knowing that he was right. “…You heard your Tallest! Give all available power to the FTL drives and set course back to Irk! We’ll be slaughtered if we fight the Judoon! Any ship that falls behind is left behind! …Withdraw to Irk!”
On the screen the Doctor had wired up, everyone could see that the Irken Armada was fleeing the Judoon Fleet! The Judoon ships laid in a pursuit course and followed the Irken Armada! “YES!” cheered the Doctor. “And away they go!”
“Doctor, what did you do?” asked Tysar.
“I tampered with the Irkens’ firing systems a bit,” replied the Doctor. “In essence, I made their targeting computers think that the smaller objects were planets to be fired upon while the planet was the Irkens’ new mothership!”
“But you made it so that they’ll be able to fix their ships,” remarked Dib, recalling the intensity adjustment.
“Well, I didn’t want them dead,” replied the Doctor. “I needed them to see that a more capable fleet could take them on in their weakened state. They’re retreating back to Irk now…though I’d prefer it if the Wrarth Warriors were sent instead of the Judoon. That’s who I asked for during the initial sabotage.”
“So it was a trap, huh?” asked Callie. “And that’s why you wanted us here.”
“Well, turns out I overdid it during my first sabotage and didn’t calibrate properly,” said the Doctor, “so disobeying me actually saved your lives in the long run. …Just don’t make a habit out of it. …Now, Dib…I said this already, but…”
“I can’t go back,” replied Dib. “Yeah, I understand. …Oh well! I can teach the new present how we did things in UNIT and the Swollen Eyeball Network!” The Doctor smiled at his gusto!
“The galaxy at large will need your help, Dib Membrane!” she said. “Good luck!”
“You too, Doctor!” bid Dib. He then headed off.
“Hey, where are you going?!” called Tysar.
“Somewhere with humans, I’m guessing!” replied Dib as he turned a corner.
“…Are there-?” asked Tysar.
“They retook Alterna,” replied Callie. “We can direct him there.”
“We can’t, Callie,” reminded Marie. “Concert?”
“Oh, Squid! Yeah! Sorry, Doctor! We gotta go!” Callie rushed off to collect her bags.
“Thanks for saving the world again, Doctor,” said Marie as she followed Callie.
“…Well, with all that,” said the Doctor, “back to the TARDIS!”
The Doctor and Tysar had returned to the TARDIS and it was spinning through the Time Vortex. The Doctor was typing some queries into the console as Tysar reentered the console room. “Morning,” she said.
“Hm? Oh, morning,” replied the Doctor.
“…Doing late night research?” asked Tysar.
“I promised you that I’d find out if you make to New Davius or not,” answered the Doctor. “Even then, I can’t tell you the specifics, but-.” The console beeped. The Doctor parsed the results quickly, then smiled. “…As I said, no specifics, but all possible timelines indicate that you DO return to New Davius!”
“YES!” cheered Tysar. “…Wait, you said all possible timelines. Does that mean that…even the bad ones…?”
“Yes, even the bad ones,” confirmed the Doctor. “So, let’s just try and get as good a return for you as possible, hm?”
“Sounds good to me!” replied Tysar. “I’m going to make breakfast. You coming?”
“In a minute,” answered the Doctor. “I need to check with Gallifrey on the Grouping’s progress.”
“All right. See you then!” Tysar headed to the TARDIS kitchen as the Doctor placed her hands on the telepathic circuits.
“Doctor calling Gallifrey,” she said. “Doctor calling Gallifrey. Come in, Gallifrey. Do you read?” Stognav then appeared on the screen.
“Gallifrey receiving,” he said. “Doctor, how fares your personal travels?”
“Eh, you know, still dealing with the chronal surges,” replied the Doctor. “How goes any research?”
“We’ve stumbled across notes Tecteun left within the Matrix,” explained Stognav. “Doctor, I’m sorry to say that the Grouping will get worse before it gets better. Thanks to the Flux event you went through, there won’t be enough people to undo all of the damage done by chronal surges.” The Flux, that event always weighed heavily on the Doctor’s mind. She could still see that wave of anti-matter ripping through space and time and almost killing her favorite planet after successfully killing half the universe. She could still remember the Toymaker’s taunts on the subject. …And now Dib and Gaz’s timeline was permanently damaged, all because of Gaz choosing her hedonism over her planet.
“…Keep me posted, will you?” asked the Doctor as she sent all available data on the chronal surge she had to deal with.
“Will do,” replied Stognav. “Data received. We’ll be processing it. Gallifrey out.” The call ended and the Doctor sat down. The TARDIS beeped in concern for her pilot.
“…After putting my fourteenth incarnation in therapy on Earth with Donna,” mumbled the Doctor, “and yet it somehow haunts ME! …Unless he passed and his memories passed on to me.”
“Doctor!” called Tysar. “Breakfast!”
“…Food, yes, that might help,” muttered the Doctor to herself. She then got up. “Coming, Tysar!”
It was times like this that Dib wished Zim was still morbidly obese in Doomsville after finally learning the truth of his exile. Now things got so complicated. …Maybe the previous Tallest should have had Zim executed or at least put on trial. …Oh well, no point in the woulda-coulda-shouldas. Now he had to focus on getting out of his cell! He checked his pockets…and recalled that the Irkens had emptied his pockets before they interrogated him. “…Right, better see if there’s useful tech in-.” He then heard a noise outside his cell. “…Hello?!” he called aloud.
“Dib?! Dib Membrane?!” replied a woman’s voice.
“Yeah! I’m in here!” called Dib.
“One second!” said the woman’s voice. He then heard a familiar buzzing! The door opened and Dib saw the Doctor as she twirled her sonic screwdriver in her hand successfully. “Dib Membrane!” greeted the Doctor.
“…Doctor, is that you?” asked Dib.
“Count the hearts!” replied the Doctor as she removed her glove so Dib could feel her pulse. Dib checked and goggled, then sighed in relief.
“Your UNIT files told me you change your face often,” he said. “Your current appearance looks good!”
“Thank you!” bid the Doctor. “Now, we don’t have much time! I’m sure you’ve guessed where and when you are.”
“Yeah, Gaz took advantage of a chronal surge,” replied Dib. The Doctor arched an eyebrow.
“…Your sister? Why?” she asked.
“She hates the human race with a passion!” replied Dib. “She’s sold out Earth just so she could have endless video game time and pizza!”
“…She’s the Tallest Consort, isn’t she?” guessed the Doctor. “I always knew an alien would be to Zim what the previous two Tallest were to each other. They’ll both fall into hedonism!”
“Doctor, Gaz is ready to start the Organic Sweep!”
“Well, good thing I’m here, then!” The Doctor found a control console and began her work.
“…Can we go back?” asked Dib. The Doctor paused her work.
“…I’m sorry,” she said, “but your disappearance was recorded and…you were never found again in your home time. You…you can’t go back, otherwise it will damage time.” Dib sighed.
“Oh well, worth a shot.”
Back with Zim and Gaz, Gaz was waking up from anesthesia. “…Did you really have to put me to sleep?” she grumbled.
“When adult Irkens are implanted with a PAK,” explained Zim, “the process is painful. Believe me, the pain would have corrupted the computer systems in the PAK. Now, once you’re recovered, a test is needed. Just to make sure it’s properly working. We’ll start with the legs. Just think of you growing extra arthropod legs out of your back.” Gaz concentrated…and four robotic spider-like legs sprouted from her PAK and hoisted her up. She then thought about moving forward and the legs carried her forward. Gaz grinned. “Now, retraction is a little more difficult, but-.” The legs then set Gaz down and retreated into her PAK. “…Or you could catch on faster than an Irken,” muttered Zim. Just then, the alarms sounded.
“What’s going on?!” demanded Gaz.
“Intruder alert!” warned XIR. “Target known as the Doctor is aboard the Massive!”
“WHAT?!” shouted Zim. “Where is she?!”
“Brig area, Cell Block Gamma! She opened Cell Gamma Nine!”
“Dib!” hissed Zim. “Alert all troops in the area! The Doctor and Dib must NOT interfere!”
“Come on! Come on!” growled the Doctor. She then lit up! “Yes! Organic Sweep protocols!”
“What are you doing?!” asked Dib.
“Sabotaging the Organic Sweep!” replied the Doctor. “It will take more than the forty-eight hours Zim gave me to fix it!” It took all but a few seconds for the Doctor to screw up the coding needed to operate the weapons! “HAHA! Perfect!”
“HANDS IN THE AIR, ALIEN SCUM!” shouted a voice. The Doctor and Dib turned to see that they were surrounded by Irkens.
“…It was like that when we got here!” Dib lied. The Irkens just narrowed their eyes in disbelief that he tried that. “…Okay, that was not one of my better ones.”
“Bring them to the bridge!” ordered the taller of the Irkens.
Back in Inkopolis, Tysar was fiddling with the Spawn Point. “Not you too!” complained Marie.
“The Doctor’s fighting alone right now and she gets a little too self-sacrificing when she does that!” retorted Tysar. “Now, either I dither here like a damsel in distress or I go up there and help her!”
“If you’re going, then I’M going!” declared Callie.
“Callie, no!” argued Marie.
“Callie, listen to your cousin!” urged Tysar. “Your roller’s ineffective against laser weapons!”
“In fact, INK is ineffective against lasers!” continued Marie.
“I’m not letting the Doctor fight alone!” insisted Callie. Tysar had finished her adjustments by now.
“There!” called the Thal. “See you-!” Callie then jumped onto the Spawn Point. “HEY! YOU GET OFF THAT-!” Too late. Callie vanished. “Oh for-!”
“I’m going after her!” called Marie as she jumped onto the Spawn Point.
“NO! GET BACK-!” Too late again. Marie vanished. Tysar developed a nasty twitch, then stamped her feet as she unleashed a flurry of curses in her native Thal language that shall not be translated here as they’re unbelievably rude. She then hopped onto the Spawn Point and went after the Squid Sisters.
The Doctor and Dib were taken to the bridge where Zim and Gaz were understandably unhappy with the sabotage. An Irken technician reported their findings. “It looks like it’s going to take a full week to undo what the Doctor did,” they said. “seventy-two hours at best if we activate our PAKs’ overdrive mode, something we all think is best, my Tallest.”
“Do it!” ordered Zim. He turned back to the offending saboteurs. “Well, Doctor, you made your decision for Earth a little early, huh?” he said. “I WAS going to be merciful and make this a mining planet, but thanks to you, it WILL become Foodcourtia II!”
“Oh, please!” scoffed the Doctor. “As if Sizz-lorr would allow that!”
“Sizz-lorr is now under MY command! HE obeys ME! He has no choice but to allow it!” Zim then drew in a breath a calmed himself. “Doctor, there’s a way for you to get into my good graces, and that is to undo your sabotage!”
“I’m afraid your good graces are rather on the low end of my list of priorities,” replied the Doctor.
“I’d advise you to reconsider, Doctor,” warned Gaz.
“You know, Dib told me about what you sold Earth out for!” snarled the Doctor. “All to satisfy your hedonism?! That’s your planet you’re betraying!”
“You think I care, Doctor?!” retorted Gaz. “Humans have always done the stupid things and pushed themselves to the brink of World War III! Whether it’s the pedophiles we put into office or the useless protests, we’ve proven that we’ve lost the right to our own destiny! Better to end it now than let Earth slide into decadence and decay!”
“Decadence and decay?! What do you think happened to Blorch?! Or Foodcourtia?! It’s what YOUR planet’s future will be! The nightmare of all slaves working one specific field! Hell on Earth! The apocalypse!”
“At least people will be honest about it!” Before the Doctor could refute Gaz’s claims, the alarms sounded again.
“Intruder alert!” warned XIR.
“What the-?! SECURITY! DOES THE EMPIRE NO LONGER HAVE IT?!” complained Zim.
“Identify them!” ordered Gaz.
“Two Inklings, one Thal, according to readings taken,” reported XIR.
“Tysar!” hissed the Doctor. She ran her hand down her face. “One of these days, I’m going to get a companion that will understand that ‘stay put’ means to stay put!”
“You just HAD to go onto the ship, didn’t you?!” Tysar snapped at Callie.
“I wanna help!” protested Callie.
“Callie, these guys have LASERS!” argued Marie. “You’ve got an oversized roller and my charger can’t do anything rapid fire! We-!” The Irkens then arrived.
“HANDS IN THE AIR, ALIEN SCUM!” shouted one.
“No time for arguments!” called Callie as she pulled out her roller. She then slammed it onto the ground and steamrolled over the Irkens!
“MY SQUEEDLYSPOOCH!” screamed an Irken.
“I got you, Greenie Grandma!” called another Irken as he aimed his gun at Marie. Marie then pulled out her charger and fired, her shot knocking the gun out of the Irken’s hands! “I-I DIDN’T MEAN THAT GRANDMA COMMENT!” he begged. Marie fired again, the impact of her ink knocking the Irken out.
“…Come on, we need to pick up Callie and find the Doctor,” sighed Tysar.
“Got it!” agreed Marie. The two of them ran after Callie.
Everyone on the bridge saw the chaos unfolding from Callie’s charge! “HOW IS A ROLLING PAINTBRUSH DOING THAT?!” protested Zim.
“What’s the matter, Zim?!” taunted Dib. “Your Squeedlyspooch can’t take it?!”
“I’ll be feasting on your brain meats, Dib!” warned Zim.
“Sir,” called an Irken, “something is wrong! The Organic Sweep is activating on its own!”
“WHAT?!” yelped Zim.
“How bad is that?” asked Gaz.
“Without manual control, the Organic Sweep will vaporize the planet instead of bombard it!” replied Zim. “Earth won’t exist as a member of the Irken Empire! It won’t exist PERIOD!”
“…Oh dear,” muttered the Doctor, thinking she made a catastrophic mistake.
“So, the war between you and Tak is over and you’re the victor,” remarked the Doctor. “Still, calling ANY war ‘Great’, it just…yuck!”
“Save your insults for people shorter than us, Doctor!” snarled Zim.
“Will you depart Earth or not?!” growled the Doctor.
“Are you threatening me?! If so, you haven’t a leg to stand on! As I said, Earth was kept OUT of the crossfire! I even behaved when Dib and Gaz vanished!”
“…Dib and Gaz Membrane?” asked the Doctor. “They vanished in your-?” A nasty theory formed in her head. “…Oh no!”
“What’s wrong with you?” asked Zim. “…Oh yes! You still care for the worthless inhabitants of this rock!” The Doctor snapped her thoughts back to the current crisis.
“I warn you, Zim! Earth has colonies ready to defend the cradle of their civilization!” she declared.
“I think even the shortest Irken can handle the humans’ primitive ships!” cackled Zim.
“I very much doubt that.”
“There’s no UNIT to stop me, Doctor! And no Zygons, as you said! These creatures that replaced the human stink will be excellent slaves! Earth shall become Foodcourtia II!”
“It most certainly will not!” argued the Doctor.
“You’re in no position to tell me what can and can’t be done!” Zim then grinned wickedly. “But I’m nothing if not merciful,” he said. “I’ll give you forty-eight earth hours to prepare this planet properly. Otherwise, I conduct the Organic Sweep and sterilize all life!” He turned to his subordinates. “We’re leaving!” he ordered.
“Yes, my Tallest!” replied his underlings. One of then pressed a button on his wrist and the three Irkens vanished.
“…Dib and Gaz Membrane,” muttered the Doctor. “…And their disappearance is recorded in history. …Drat.”
The Doctor returned to Tysar, noticing that two people were gone. “…Tysar, where are the Squid Sisters?” she asked.
“They went to the Inkopolis News Station,” replied Tysar. “Special announcement about the Irken Invasion. They overheard everything and wanted to calm the people down, assure them that you wouldn’t surrender the Earth to the Irkens.”
“And they’re right, because I won’t,” said the Doctor. By then, the Squid Sisters returned.
“We just got off the phone with our agents,” said Callie. “They’ve delayed our concert until this crisis is dealt with.”
“The Captain also reassigned our mission to his successor, the new Agent 3,” continued Marie. “What do you need us to do, Doctor?”
“First off, we’ve got forty-eight hours to deal with the Irkens and see if my hypothesis is true,” replied the Doctor.
“Doctor, Zim said that two humans vanished from his time,” said Tysar.
“Dib Membrane and his sister, Gaz,” explained the Doctor. “I really hope that the chronal surge didn’t grab them and plop them here. Because if their disappearance was recorded and they were never found…then we can’t bring them back.”
“What?” asked Tysar. “Y-You mean that bringing them back would…damage time somehow?!” She then started thinking about her own situation. “…Would that mean-?!”
“For you, I don’t know,” sighed the Doctor. “…But I WILL check your timeline when this adventure is over. For now, we need to see if Dib and Gaz are in this time.”
Aboard the Irken Flagship, the Massive, Zim was in his office, indulging in some snacking. As he snacked, the computer in his desk beeped. “Oh, what is it now?!” he complained. A spider-like robotic leg then grew from his PAK and tapped the computer. His new SIR unit, titled XIR (X-treme Information Retrieval), appeared on screen. “What is it, XIR?” he demanded.
“My Tallest,” said XIR, “two humans have appeared on the Massive. All physical indicators point to their names being Dib and Gaz Membrane.”
“Your sensors must be faulty!” scoffed Zim. “There’s no way they’re alive after all this time, even accounting for their disappearance!” He then slurped on some soda through a straw as XIR continued its report.
“We are currently interrogating the two humans…but the one that looks like Gaz is as scary as her! And the male that looks like Dib has as big a head as him!”
“MY HEAD’S NOT BIG!” protested a voice. Zim spat out his soda in surprise. That was Dib’s voice!
“TELL THE INTERROGATORS TO STOP!” ordered Zim. “I’M CONDUCTING THIS ONE PERSONALLY!” He got up from his desk and strode out of his office.
Zim arrived in the interrogation room to see two humans, roughly his height. One was a woman in a black skirt and shirt with purple hair and an expression that cowed many Irkens. The other was a man with glasses, slicked hair, and a black trenchcoat. “It can’t be!” protested Zim. “Dib and Gaz vanished millennia ago!”
“Yeah, well you can blame Gaz here!” snarled the man as he nodded his head angrily at the woman. “She stole UNIT property and took advantage of a chronal surge!”
“That was a Cyberman’s chronal net and you know it!” retorted the woman.
“It’s UNIT property and YOU know it!”
“ENOUGH!” shouted Zim. “XIR, did they have a chronal net on their person?”
“The scary woman had it, specifically,” replied XIR.
“XIR?” asked the man. “What’s the X stand for?”
“Extreme, what else?” asked Zim.
“…Z-Zim, extreme starts with an ‘e’ and-.”
“It’s MY updated SIR unit and I get to name it!” snarled Zim. He then calmed down. “…So, it IS you, Dib, Gaz! …Gaz, why would you steal a chronal net?”
“To take advantage of the chronal surge,” replied Gaz. “I was hoping to get a place where I could finally get away from humans, but now I see from your systems that the whole damned race spread out to the stars!”
“…I mean, yes, it IS annoying, but YOU belong to the human race-.”
“AND I HATE IT! I hate having to be part of a race that’s so idiotic! All I want to worry about are video games and pizza and people always get in my way about that! I want to crush the human race and any others that would get in my way! You have the tech needed to crush them, I have ideas on how to do that!”
“Gaz, wait a minute!” protested Dib. “You’re selling out the human race of this time!”
“More like the Cephalo-sapiens, but humans too,” remarked Zim.
“…Cephalo-sapiens?” asked Gaz. “Like…talking squids and octopuses?!”
“And live their lives exactly like humans of your time.” Gaz couldn’t believe what she was hearing! “There IS a future I have planned for it, though,” offered Zim.
“And what’s that?!” demanded Gaz.
“Like us Irkens, you lot enjoy fast food, especially that…pizza, I believe it’s called. How would you like it if you helped me make Earth into Foodcourtia II?” Gaz arched an eyebrow.
“…What do I get for helping you?” asked Gaz. “Not that I’m really objecting.”
“Joint rule of the Irken Empire,” replied Zim. “A PAK to make sure you live as long as us, an entire empire at your command, and all the hedonism you want to unleash. What do you say?”
“…One slight change,” said Gaz. “…I want to fire the first shot for the Organic Sweep, Tallest Zim!”
“Done, Tallest Consort Gaz!”
“…Consort?” asked Gaz, a little disgusted.
“Just a title, no real meaning. It’s just something we have to use when an alien helps rule the Empire jointly.”
“…No romance involved?”
“None whatsoever. Friends at best.”
“…I think we can work out a friendship.”
“GAZ, YOU TRAITOR!” shouted Dib.
“Orders, my Tallest? Tallest Consort?” asked XIR. Zim undid Gaz’s restraints and nodded to her, indicating that she should decide Dib’s fate.
“Throw my big brother in the brig,” she ordered. “We’ll deal with him when Earth becomes Foodcourtia II.”
“While you’re doing that, inform the Control Brain Monitors,” ordered Zim, “that a PAK for Gaz needs to be made.”
“Yes, my Tallest, Tallest Consort.” XIR saluted and dragged Dib away.
Back in Inkadia, the Doctor was working on a machine. It looked like one of the spawn points usually seen in Turf Wars. “Doctor, what are you doing?” asked Marie. “That’s a decommissioned Spawn Point!”
“And it SHOULD work as a transmat,” replied the Doctor.
“Doctor?” asked Marie.
“I checked the TARDIS historical databanks on the Irken Empire,” explained the Doctor. “All my research agree with Zim in that he defeated Tak and won the Irken Civil War two thousand years before the Flood that eventually gave rise to you lot. …So why is he only attacking now? Questions, questions.”
“You’re not planning on going up into an Irken ship, are you?!” protested Marie.
“Sorry, Thal overhearing that last tidbit, along with Callie,” called Tysar as she arrived. “Marie DID draw the wrong conclusion, did she?!”
“Actually, she didn’t,” replied the Doctor. “Specifically, I’m going onto the Irken Flagship.”
“Don’t be absurd!” protested Tysar.
“Doctor, there’s no way you’ll survive that!” agreed Callie.
“Callie and Tysar are right, Doctor!” urged Marie. “They’ll shoot you on sight!”
“See, the thing is, I have some research to conduct,” replied the Doctor.
“Doctor!” protested Tysar.
“Zim chose this moment to fulfill his ‘mission’ of conquering Earth for the Irken Empire when he already won the Irken Civil War!” insisted the Doctor. “Now, either we dither here and hope against hope that help from the human colonies arrive before the Irkens conduct their Organic Sweep or I beam myself onto the Massive and make their job easier while getting information along the way!”
“But what if the Irkens just blast you to plasma?!” argued Tysar.
“Well, at least I will have tried,” said the Doctor. She then finished up.
“Doctor-!”
“If I’m wrong, bring whoever you can into the TARDIS!” directed the Doctor. “It’ll bring you all somewhere safe!” She hopped onto the modified Spawn Point and then vanished.
Inkadia, once called Japan. Home of new forms of life on Earth. Right now, humans were in a different colony away from Inkadia, leaving it to the native Inklings and Octarians, squids and octopuses that gained the ability to achieve a humanoid form to walk on land. Right now, two Inkling women were adjusting their outfits. One of them, with her tentacles tied into a bow at the back of her head with her club ends reaching all the way to her calves, was adjusting her hat to make sure it was tilted onto the right of her head. She then reached for something…only it wasn’t there. “…Marie, where the squid are my earrings?!” called the Inkling woman to her gray-tentacled cousin, having just tied her shorter tentacles into a bow that tilted towards the right of her head while her hat sat on the left of her head.
“I dunno,” replied the other Inkling, Marie. “You had them last, Callie.”
“I know I put them-! …Oh, here they are,” mumbled the first Inkling woman, Callie. She fished out a pair of chunky hoop earrings and attached them to each of her pointy ears.
“I swear, you can be SO disorganized,” muttered Marie.
“Well, excuse me for-!” She then stopped talking. “…Marie?”
“I hear it too!” replied Marie as she heard the noise Callie heard. The two Inkling Idols rushed out of their dressing room and into the hallway…to see a blue box appear!
“Hey, isn’t that the box John and Kaori found?” asked Callie. “The one with Amy and her doctor friend?”
“Yeah,” confirmed Marie. “But what’s it doing here? Octavio’s still in prison.”
“Maybe Amy wanted to visit again?” guessed Marie. “Come on, let’s go see.” The Inkling cousins knocked on the door and the Doctor poked her head out.
“Is there anything on my head?” she asked. “Tysar won’t tell me if there is.”
“…Um…yeah, y-you’ve got…well a rose headband,” replied Callie, not sure who this woman was.
“That’s supposed to be there. Anything else?”
“Yeah, antlers,” replied Marie.
“…Antlers?” asked the Doctor.
“Y-Yeah,” confirmed Callie. Tysar then started laughing as the Doctor’s expression darkened comedically. She looked into the TARDIS.
“It’s early spring!” she protested at the powerful time machine. “Why are you putting hologram antlers on my head?! And you, Tysar! Why didn’t you say anything?!”
“Because the TARDIS is right, Doctor!” laughed Tysar. “That’s just funny!”
“All right, you two had your laugh! Now get rid of them!” The antlers vanished. “Thank you!” She then turned back to the Squid Sisters. “Now, Callie and Marie, the Squid Sisters, yes? Odd that you’d call yourself that, given that you’re cousins.”
“Sorry, do we know you?” asked Marie. “It’s just that…the human over there called you Doctor.”
“I did,” replied Tysar. “Although, strictly speaking, I’m not a human. I’m a Thal. And that IS the Doctor.”
“I wore a pleated skirt last time I visited Inkadia,” explained the Doctor. “That business with the Slitheen infiltrating Octavio’s court and trying to nuke the planet and sell off its radioactive remains? Ring any bells, you two?”
“…That’s really YOU, Doctor?!” asked Callie. “B-But…how?!”
“Regeneration, my dear Callie,” replied the Doctor. “It’s a lottery. Now, enough of that, I’m a little pressed for time.”
“So it ISN’T a social call?” asked Marie.
“Sorry, no. Did anyone report any missing persons or strange people just appearing out of nowhere?”
“N-No,” replied Marie. “Why?”
“We’re tracking something called a chronal surge,” explained the Doctor. “They have a tendency to take someone in one time period and plop them into another. Sometimes a knight from the Middle Ages gets thrown into the 42nd century, other times a Star Warrior ends up a few seconds into the past on another planet, you get the idea.”
“…Yeah,” said Marie.
“Really?”
“No!”
“I’m stumped too, Doctor,” replied Callie.
“Right. Well, we’re going to have a look around, if you don’t mind?” asked the Doctor.
“Y-Yeah, sure!” agreed the Squid Sisters.
“Thanks!” bid the Doctor as she and Tysar left the TARDIS.
“…So…no Amy today,” remarked Callie.
“Doesn’t look like it,” replied Marie. “And apparently the Doctor’s a shapeshifter.”
“…Hm…shapeshifter against another superpower…I think that was a Splatfest theme,” mused Callie.
“Doctor, who were those two?” asked Tysar.
“Callie and Marie, the pop idol duo known as the Squid Sisters,” replied the Doctor. “Better known as Agents 1 and 2 of the New Squidbeak Splatoon currently under the command of the original Agent 3.”
“And what kind of creatures were they?”
“Squids, if you can believe it. Or, more specifically, squids that underwent genetic mutation after genetic mutation to become the Inklings you see today. After a great flooding, humanity left Earth and some of the sea life evolved into land-dwelling creatures. Then there was a war between the Inklings and their octopus cousins, the Octarians. Eventually, the Octoling branch of the Octarians made peace with the Inklings and now they live together.”
“…You mean this is Earth’s future?” asked Tysar.
“Yes, but humanity’s coming back and helping Inklings and Octarians spread out across the stars.”
“And the chronal surge is centered here?”
“Yes. Now, we must figure out what before-!” Just then, the familiar feeling of a chronal surge passed over them. “Oh no!”
“Doctor, we’re still here,” said Tysar.
“Callie! Marie!” realized the Doctor. She and Tysar ran back to the Squid Sisters’ general direction to see them walking away from the TARDIS. “HOLD ON!” called the Doctor.
“Hm? Doctor?” asked Callie as she and Marie looked back. The Doctor sighed.
“Oh, good! Still in the present!” sighed the Doctor. “Now, come on, you two! Let’s start searching for-!”
“Doctor, we can’t go on searching for anything right now!” retorted Marie. “Callie and I have a concert in Splatsville!”
“And the Captain’s got a mission for us after that!” supplied Callie.
“With respect, you two,” interjected Tysar, “the concert and mission will be a moot point if we don’t figure out what happened during that chronal-!” She was interrupted by screaming from outside.
“…That’s not a good sign, no matter where you come from,” muttered Marie.
“Come on!” urged the Doctor as she ran towards the source of the screams.
Outside was pandemonium! Inklings and Octolings were running for cover from objects in the sky. The Doctor and her friends took cover as the objects continued firing. “What’s going on here?! An alien invasion?!” yelped Marie over the screaming.
“Well, given that there ARE alien ships hanging in your skies,” remarked Tysar, “yes, I’d say that’s exactly what’s going on! I don’t recognize the design of the ships, but-!”
“It’s the Irken Armada!” replied the Doctor.
“The what?!” asked Callie.
“The Irken Armada! The main military force of the Irken Empire! A race of insectoid creatures hellbent on conquering the entire universe! With a collective gender of jerk!”
“Why are they setting their sights on Earth now?!” asked Marie. “We can’t possibly have anything they’d want!”
“They’re not interested in wealth or political power!” replied the Doctor. “They conquer planets just because they can!”
“Well, what can we do?!” asked Tysar.
“One moment!” The Doctor pulled out her sonic screwdriver and walked to the middle of the panicking crowd. She then switched the screwdriver on. “Intercepting any teleports to the planet!” Three Irkens then appeared, all surprised at the whole affair. Two were little, about the size of a human child, and the last was a few centimeters taller than the Doctor’s height and wore a mask.
“What is this?!” demanded the tall one. “I ordered us to go to Octo Canyon! Not Inkopolis Square! Invader Smeech, you have failed!”
“Apologies, my Tallest!” begged one of the shorter Irkens. “Our teleport beam was intercepted and-!”
“He’s right, you know,” interjected the Doctor. The Irkens gasped.
“A…human?!” asked the tall Irken, the Tallest. “But the dominant life forms of this planet are squids and octopuses! How-?!”
“Humans spread out from beyond the atmosphere of this little planet, my Tallest,” replied the Doctor. “Now…I’ve met you lot before, but not necessarily with this face. Under Convention 15 of the Shadow Proclamation, I formally request a cessation of hostilities in order to parlay!”
“…You’re not human, are you?” asked the Tallest. “No worthless human could possibly know about the Shadow Proclamation, much less attempt to invoke it!”
“No, I’m not human, but I put a lot of work into this planet. I know there aren’t any Zygons on this planet to help enforce things, but I’m still here. I am the Doctor! Former President of the High Council of Time Lords! Keeper of the Legacy of Rassilon! Defender of the Laws of Time! Protector of Gallifrey! Under the Doomsville Treaty, I order you to leave this planet!”
“Ah, Doctor!” purred the Tallest. “So, it IS true! You Time Lords can change our faces! It won’t matter! I stuck to the Treaty! Earth was NOT caught in the crossfire between myself and the False Tallest, Tak! The Great Civil War is over and I won! You won’t interfere in my mission this time, Doctor!” The Tallest removed his mask so the Doctor could see his face!
“…Tallest Zim!” hissed the Doctor. “I should have known!”
By the time Zim got out, the Irken Armada arrived. Earth appeared on the main screen. “Ugly little rock,” muttered Tak. “Conduct the usual scans. I’m positive the humans won’t offer anything in terms of slave labor.”
“Conducting planetary sweep,” replied the helmsman. The scans then revealed…something unusual. “…Hang on, that can’t be right.”
“What’s the matter?” asked Tak.
“The scans are saying there’s a Zygon presence on this rock!”
“WHAT?!” Tak stormed over to the helm console and checked. “That’s impossible! I didn’t find any Skarasen there when I first visited!”
“Apparently, it was masked until now,” replied the helmsman. “It looks like it was meant to be revealed only to Irken sensors.”
“Then Zim saw them too!” hissed Tak. “But how would they know we were-?!” A thought then struck her. “…Doctor!” she snarled. “SHE’S behind this!”
“Should we conduct our organic sweep, my Tallest?” asked a soldier.
“We can’t, not with Zygons having claimed it!” Tak then stroked her chin. “…But they can’t exactly interfere with us taking Zim’s head. Ready my Runner!”
“Doctor, Zim’s entering the streets!” warned Dib.
“And planetary sensors,” advised Kate, “indicate that a personal ship is entering Earth’s atmosphere on a direct course with Doomsville!”
“Right then, Brotok,” the Doctor said to a fat human, “you know what to do?”
“Leave it to us, Doctor,” replied the human. “We’ll sort out this Irken problem and at least delay any civil war for five years and keep it away from Earth.”
“Doctor, I hope this works!” urged Amy. “You DID say you fought the Zygons!”
“I fought aggressive sects of Zygons,” corrected the Doctor. “Brotok leads a sect that is more peaceful.” As the Doctor spoke, several humans, minus Brotok, shimmered out of view and in their places were solidly-built, earthy-colored humanoids with cone-shaped heads and covered in suckers. These were the true forms of the Zygons. Brotok smiled, still in his human disguise.
“Boy, are the Irkens in for a nasty surprise!” he purred.
“I’d really rather not have a battle between Irkens and Zygons,” urged the Doctor. Before Brotok could retort, Tak’s ship landed and she strode out. Zim then arrived; a manic grin plastered on his face.
“So, Tak the Terrible New Girl arrives!” he chuckled.
“Better being terrifying than being a failure like you!” retorted Tak. “But I have more pressing matters, like a certain beast found in that obscure lake miles from here.”
“I saw the Skarasen too, but the Zygons can wait! You’ve blunted the Empire for too long!”
“Blunted?! I am fixing what YOU broke!”
“Ah yes, the common duties of a Janitor Drone!” scoffed Zim. Tak snarled.
“When I’m done with you, Sizz-Lorr will be keeping you as his fast-food drone forever!” she vowed as her PAK gave her a gun!
“He couldn’t even get me back while I was an Invader! NOW I AM THE TALLEST! NOT YOU, YOU ELEVATOR-SHOE WEARING PIPSQUEAK!” Zim’s PAK handed him his gun. The two Tallest aimed their weapons…then the guns were shot out of their hands via bio-electric blasts! The two Irkens turned their heads and saw Brotok, still in his human disguise, with a platoon of Zygons flanking him.
“…Is this a joke?!” demanded Tak.
“No joke, Zim, Tak,” replied Brotok. “I am Warrior Engineer Brotok, authorized to speak on behalf of the Zygons living here.”
“And?” asked Zim.
“And it is my duty to inform you,” continued Brotok, “that you are on the wrong side of a Zygon planet’s atmosphere according to the Treaty of Zimtok V.”
“That’s irrelevant!” snarled Tak. “The Irken Internal Matters Clause must be satisfied! Leave at once!”
“I’m afraid they can’t do that,” called the Doctor.
“DOCTOR!” snarled Zim.
“You DARE interfere!” hissed Tak.
“When a blunder like this threatens to unravel the Web of Time, I always interfere!” replied the Doctor.
“What blunder are you talking about?!” demanded Zim.
“The Irken Civil War,” explained the Doctor, “the war between your respective factions, isn’t supposed to start now. It begins in five years’ time!”
“And why should that concern us?!” snarled Tak.
“Because my arrival shifted things too early! All I ask is that you hold off on any infighting until five years have passed and that you keep said infighting OFF Earth!”
“You demand too much, Doctor!” argued Zim. “The Irken Civil War will begin now, and it will result in my glorious unfolding of Operation Impending Doom III!”
“ALL HAIL ZIM!” called half of Tak’s soldiers.
“TRAITORS!” called the other half.
“ENOUGH!” shouted Brotok as he held up a device. Zim and Tak’s eyes widened.
“What is that?!” yelped Tak.
“An active communications link to the Shadow Proclamation!” replied Brotok. “And nothing would make me happier than you two firing on one another giving me the excuse to call the Judoon here!” The two Tallest stared the smiling Brotok down.
“…If it were any other race,” hissed Zim, “I’d say you were bluffing, Brotok!” He then visibly deflated. Tak then raised her hand.
“Stand down, all of you, traitors AND loyalists!” she ordered. “Zygons don’t bluff and the Empire can’t afford an armed conflict with the Judoon and the Zygons!” The Irken soldiers holstered their weapons.
“Excellent decision, Almighty Tallest!” chuckled Brotok.
“Now then!” called the Doctor as two UNIT soldiers brought out a table and four chairs. The Doctor and Brotok sat on one side. “Not my favorite bit, but let’s discuss a new treaty.”
As the Doctor and Brotok discussed terms with Zim and Tak, Dib looked on. “…Is this what the Doctor’s life is like?” he asked no one in particular.
“Yes, believe it or not,” replied Amy’s voice. She and Lurra Rus approached Dib. “She’s a lonely lady, most of the time. So she takes us on as companions to see slices of her life.”
“She has this innate desire to help people,” continued Lurra Rus. “To make the universe a better place throughout time and space wherever it’s permitted.”
“Then the Irken Civil War?” asked Dib.
“Probably a fixed point in time,” replied Amy. “What will happen, will happen.”
“She can’t undo the mistakes of the past,” said Lurra Rus, “but she CAN show us the path to a better future.”
“Excuse me, Dib!” called Kate’s voice. She approached the group.
“Dr. Stewart!” Dib saluted.
“Not just yet, Dib,” said Kate. “Not unless you hear me out.”
“Kate?” asked Amy.
“Dib Membrane, I’ve spoken with your father,” explained Kate. “And we both agreed, albeit I don’t think he fully believes in aliens, that you would be the person to make sure Zim behaves and complies with the upcoming treaty. But, we have to say, your personal technology can’t really do much. But with UNIT resources…” Dib blinked.
“…Are you asking me to join UNIT?!” he asked.
“As part of our internship program,” replied Kate. “But your internship assignment will be to monitor Zim and make sure he behaves.”
“And report any suspicious behavior to you?” asked Dib. “What about the Swollen Eyeball Network?”
“They’re in direct communication with us,” answered Kate. “They will get your findings at the same time as us. Although, only Agent…DarkBootie…seems to be supportive of you.”
“That’s not new,” replied Dib. “…But joining UNIT, people that actually DO protect Earth from alien threats…” Dib smiled. “Cadet Dib Membrane, reporting for duty!” he said. Kate smiled.
The Doctor looked over at Dib accepting his new position and grinned. “Time’s going right on track,” she said.
“So, we are agreed, then?” said Brotok, calling everyone’s attention to the treaty. “While the Irken Civil War cannot be prevented, it is at least delayed by five years. Neither Zim nor Tak can interfere with one another’s business until then. Zim will remain on Earth under close observation by UNIT and the Swollen Eyeball Network and cannot exact retribution on GIR and Minimoose, nor will he conquer the planet. Tak also cannot conquer Earth and she will be observed by the Shadow Proclamation to ensure that she continues in the rebuilding of Irk, but she cannot kill any Irken that chooses to follow Zim. At the end of five years, when civil war DOES break out, Earth will not be involved in any battleplans or be caught in the crossfire. A breach of this treaty will result in the Shadow Proclamation arresting both parties and occupying Irk.”
“…Agreed,” grunted Zim.
“Agreed,” muttered Tak.
“Then all that’s left,” said the Doctor as she handed pens to Zim and Tak, “is to sign.” The two Tallest then signed on their respective signature lines.
“…I’ll crush you in five years, Tak!” warned Zim.
“The feeling’s mutual, Zim!” retorted Tak. She then stood up. “Soldiers! We are leaving!” Tak and her men marched back to her ship and took off. Dib then approached the group.
“Accepted your UNIT assignment, Dib?” asked the Doctor.
“His UNIT assign-NO!” yelped Zim.
“Looks like I’m still watching you, Zim!” laughed Dib. “Though now I’ve got UNIT on my side!”
“If I didn’t sign that treaty, I’d eat your brain-meats, Dib!” snarled Zim. He stormed back to his base.
“Well, this has been fun,” said Amy, “but I’m ready to take it easy now.”
“Same here,” agreed Lurra Rus as everyone returned to the TARDIS.
“You sure you don’t want to come, Dib?” asked the Doctor.
“I know you said it’s a time machine, Doctor,” replied Dib, “but I need to focus on my UNIT assignment.”
“All right then. Bye now!” The Doctor and her friends entered the TARDIS and it took off in its usual manner.